October 17, 2001

11:33 PM

America is the Borg, Taliban - some hapless planet:"Our forces are armed with state of the art military equipment. What are you using, obsolete and ineffective weaponry? Our helicopters will rain fire down upon your camps before you detect them on your radar. Our bombs are so accurate we can drop them right through your windows. Our infantry is trained for any climate and terrain on earth. United States soldiers fire with superior marksmanship and are armed with superior weapons. "

All your base, indeed.
posted by owillis (32 comments total)

They DO have a culture that causes them to tend to take things more literally, to not always understand subtlety. Cf. Bert.
posted by aaron at 11:37 PM on October 17, 2001

i was just about to post the same thing

the text seems to have been written by eminem or some other hip hop artist boasting of their mic skills ..

i wonder who writes this stuff .. what a strange job indeed .. or who illustrates those cards they drop anyone have any ideas or know anyone who does this ?
posted by mrben at 11:44 PM on October 17, 2001

I like it. Really. I hate subtlety, I really wish world leaders could just let it all hang out like this all the time...
posted by owillis at 11:45 PM on October 17, 2001

"Doing this is your only chance of survival."

If I heard some of that stuff, I'd be pretty freakin' scared. Of course, I'm not a crazy religious zealot, either. We'll see.
posted by Doug at 11:46 PM on October 17, 2001

al you qaeda are belong to u.s.
posted by bwg at 11:49 PM on October 17, 2001

mrben: i don't know, but it looks like uncle sam is hiring!
posted by blackholebrain at 11:51 PM on October 17, 2001

Makes me wonder if that whole Little Big Horn thing could have turned out differently if only Custer had had a megaphone...
posted by Bixby23 at 12:29 AM on October 18, 2001

"Our bombs are so accurate we can drop them right through your windows." Except that we just as often drop them right on residential, non-military areas, a UN mine-clearing departmental office, an International Red Cross office or a convoy of refugees fleeing Afghanistan.

Damn we're hot! No wonder the Taliban are shitting their pants!
posted by skylar at 12:47 AM on October 18, 2001

I think this will probably have quite an effect on the conscripts, those that aren't exactly invested in the Taliban's ideals as well as those that simply see a place with the Taliban as a road to power. I'm not quite sure what percentage of soldiers share the above feelings and what percentage truly are hard-core zealots that will probably take such an arrogant message from the infidels as a call to throw themselves into the grinder. Hopefully few enough that it won't tear up the grinder.

In a fit of narcissism, I compare the US propaganda with the "writing on the wall" at my current place of employment, the US itself with the market and our managerial problems. La la.
posted by rocketpup at 12:48 AM on October 18, 2001

"Even as we speak, agents are ransacking your pantry and eating your dog food."
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:57 AM on October 18, 2001

"We will arm and send out our tall, blonde, and sexy models. You will surrender!"
posted by skallas at 1:06 AM on October 18, 2001

"Your wives and daughters will be awed by the movie-star handsome young men of our army. They will throw off their burqas and you will have white American grandchildren!"
posted by dhartung at 1:20 AM on October 18, 2001

i was just about to post the same thing

Aww, keep your chin up. I'm sure you can find another CNN link, or SALON link, or better yet an ONION link.

Filter be damned!

;-)
posted by dantheman at 1:20 AM on October 18, 2001

well, i think its great. I'm not saying it will be effective or anything, but its nice for a change for the U.S. to be direct and to the point.
posted by rabbit at 1:23 AM on October 18, 2001

...its nice for a change for the U.S. to be direct and to the point.

"Make no mistake..." :-)
posted by rocketpup at 1:27 AM on October 18, 2001

Hmm, maybe they should change that to
"Our infantry are trained to deny all knowledge of joining the army - they just want free training."
Sound much more imposing doesn't it?
posted by fruitbat at 4:47 AM on October 18, 2001

What's that you're throwing? Rocks? We buy rocks by the bag at our neighborhood super center and hire someone to artfully arrange them among pleasing vignettes of precisely pruned shrubs and pissing water statues. Rocks. Indeed.
posted by auntbunny at 5:11 AM on October 18, 2001

I'm not quite sure what percentage of soldiers share the above feelings and what percentage truly are hard-core zealots that will probably take such an arrogant message from the infidels as a call to throw themselves into the grinder.

This piece from a BBC reporter who spent two months amongst the Taliban may give you cause for hope. (The documentary he filmed, which was repeated last week, certainly did for me.)

Even today Afghans, including the vast majority of the Taliban, hold the foreign fanatics in disdain. That may explain why most Afghans are never allowed in or near the training camps. The feeling is mutual. The CIA now claims that Bin Laden "owns and operates the Taliban", having funded the movement to the tune of £70m. But while he has forged close links with the Taliban leadership, hijacking their unworldly movement for his own cause, he has never won over the rank and file. As the old British saying goes: "You can't buy an Afghan. You can only rent one."
posted by holgate at 5:22 AM on October 18, 2001

They DO have a culture that causes them to tend to take things more literally, to not always understand subtlety.

What, Americans, you mean?
posted by jill at 5:39 AM on October 18, 2001

spooky
in the house [movie link]
"We explained our situation and the guy [in the gunship] said, 'Where are you?' and we showed him, and he said, 'Where are the bad guys?' and we showed him that. There was a pregnant pause for a couple of seconds, and then he said, 'You need to move back 18 feet.' " dragon's breath
cone of fire
posted by roboto at 6:01 AM on October 18, 2001

The Taliban are sooooo fucked. I love it.
posted by darren at 6:24 AM on October 18, 2001

We will force you to tolerate giant statues of the Buddha...
posted by adampsyche at 6:33 AM on October 18, 2001

"Your wives and daughters will be awed by the movie-star handsome young men of our army. They will throw off their burqas and you will have white American grandchildren!"

You forgot "Bart Simpson will make love to your wives!"
posted by straight at 6:44 AM on October 18, 2001

... and the Talos award for the most succesful parody of propaganda material goes to [holds breath, opens envelope]: auntbunny!!
[prolonged applause].
posted by talos at 7:17 AM on October 18, 2001

Have you ever seen a single SF portrayal of a star faring civilization that wasn't a homogenous culture? (it could be lazy writing … naaaaa)
the sooner we wipe opposing cultures from the face of the earth the sooner we can go to the stars.

Yay Manifest Destiny!
posted by Dillenger69 at 9:04 AM on October 18, 2001

Make your time and run for the border. We will feed you tacos as we launch every zig.
posted by kfury at 9:44 AM on October 18, 2001

The text reminds me of one of those WWF interviews.

"TALIBAN! I will DESTROY you at the Smackdown in Kabul! My bombs are laser guided biceps of love! I'll Pile Driver you into the Stone Age, TALIBAN! YOU CAN'T RUN! YOU CAN'T HIDE!"

All it needs is a guy in the back stroking a handful of twenties lovingly.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:43 AM on October 18, 2001

Um, Dillenger69 - do you mean racially homogenous or politically or religiously?

'Cuz, the Federation has lots of Klingons and Vulcans and Neelixes and whatnot, and in Star Wars, Han Solo's two best friends were a black guy and a wookiee...

I think if anything, SF is more tolerant and diverse than other genres.
posted by GriffX at 11:44 AM on October 18, 2001

I have to agree that owillis's US=Borg, Taliban=victims analogy was fatally flawed. Always up for more AYBABTU references though.
posted by darren at 12:01 PM on October 18, 2001

Griffx - I'm talking homogenous planet by planet. most SF planetary cultures are one race and one culture and one religion.
Trek, B5, Farscape, all of the big sellers, have 1planet=1race=1religion=1culture (not including Earth usually)
Star wars is an exception in this case.

There are more cultures over all but each race is pretty monolithic.
posted by Dillenger69 at 12:41 PM on October 18, 2001

Actually Iain M Banks "The Culture" is not homogenous.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:12 PM on October 18, 2001

The uplift universe is not homogenous either. Ian Banks is the man, BTW.
posted by signal at 6:24 PM on October 18, 2001