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Too much gold is never enough (also tiles)
May 15, 2012 11:12 AM   Subscribe

“To all unmarried ones who would like to spend their life by my side and within all the beauties of my home. Please look below at all the magic of my home that I have decorated with taste, perhaps just for YOU. Don Milisav Juan Gonzales Brzi, Contact: +33-#########″
posted by fearfulsymmetry (59 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

 
where is his tiny giraffe?
posted by djseafood at 11:16 AM on May 15, 2012 [8 favorites]


Say what you will, the man has style.
posted by mazola at 11:17 AM on May 15, 2012 [6 favorites]


I kiss you ? Does he play ping pong too ?
posted by k5.user at 11:18 AM on May 15, 2012


He really likes gold. A lot.
posted by doctor_negative at 11:18 AM on May 15, 2012


so that's what the "hello my future girlfriend" kid is up to these days.
posted by entropicamericana at 11:20 AM on May 15, 2012 [4 favorites]


My god, it's like Donald Trump's design style threw up all over his house.
posted by zarq at 11:21 AM on May 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


Kidlet just saw me look at these photos and yelped. "ooooh it's SO PRETTY like a real Barbie house", so perhaps the ukranian Barbie girl might fancy his beautiful home.
posted by dabitch at 11:25 AM on May 15, 2012 [5 favorites]


There a few places on Long Island where this house would fit right in.
posted by The Whelk at 11:26 AM on May 15, 2012 [2 favorites]


I'm having a tripartite reaction to this:
1. "Tee hee! Bad taste is LOLzers!"
2. "There is something really depressing about the desperate narcissism here, and it's all the more depressing now that he's been made an object of internet LOL."
3. "Mazel tov for him. I hope one day to be able to indulge my eccentricities to such an extent."
posted by LMGM at 11:27 AM on May 15, 2012 [16 favorites]


Fools, this is just Jeff Koons' masterstroke.
posted by Theta States at 11:28 AM on May 15, 2012 [4 favorites]


I would enjoy these photos of ridiculously ostentatious decor if the guy himself was not in them, but if he wasn't in them for us to point and laugh at, I suppose it wouldn't be making the rounds on the Internet. As it is, this is just "look at this loser" only the loser happens to be rich.
posted by Gator at 11:28 AM on May 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


My favorite part: the clumps of tinsel affixed, apparently randomly, to lamps etc. on his desk. Is this hinting at a bit of merriment, perhaps? Or is it merely yet another way of fitting in MORE GOLD?
posted by kinnakeet at 11:28 AM on May 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


Gold has a really low melting point, a decent fire could turn his Ultimate Pleasure Palace into a wobbly flan.
posted by The Whelk at 11:31 AM on May 15, 2012 [3 favorites]


The Ukranian Barbie Girl is setting off my Uncanny Valley sensors something fierce.
posted by bswinburn at 11:32 AM on May 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


Creepy. Only one facial expression and plastic covers on the chairs = no happy life.
posted by travelwithcats at 11:33 AM on May 15, 2012


Rifle and cake?
posted by Kevin Street at 11:33 AM on May 15, 2012 [1 favorite]



Rifle and cake?

Lost Marget Atwood novel
posted by The Whelk at 11:34 AM on May 15, 2012 [28 favorites]


If he made an effort to look like he is enjoying himself, these pictures would be greatly improved. He is telling the world he has this great house, but he looks so unhappy with it in the photos.
posted by Hicksu at 11:34 AM on May 15, 2012


Fur + rifle + cake

That's going to be the name of my next novel.
posted by Skygazer at 11:36 AM on May 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


You and I are extraordinary men, Mr. Bond, beyond the comprehension of normal men. I wanted you to see this before you die because you alone are capable of truly understanding the scope and daring of my vision. Nothing has been neglected, down to the smallest detail. Note, for example, the porcelain roosters on my golden shelves. How aggressive they are, how unwilling to bend in conformity to the outside world.
posted by Naberius at 11:37 AM on May 15, 2012 [19 favorites]


Lost Marget Atwood novel

Gah! You!!


*Shakes fist in Whelky's general direction*
posted by Skygazer at 11:38 AM on May 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


He's got that Slobo Milosevic genocidal vibe going on big time, so sexy...


There's no way this is real....no effin' way....
posted by Skygazer at 11:40 AM on May 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


He looks so unhappy. Money indeed does not buy you happiness.
posted by daydreamer at 11:41 AM on May 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


So this is what I imagine Ron Paul thinks heaven looks like.
posted by The Whelk at 11:41 AM on May 15, 2012 [2 favorites]


Also, I always wondered who bought things out of airline catalogs....
posted by The Whelk at 11:46 AM on May 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


A-MA-ZING. Is it me or has he forgotten about the bed linen?
posted by joboe at 11:46 AM on May 15, 2012 [3 favorites]


i like the guy. he's done well and he's proud of himself. he could have that same face and be sitting there hating his shithole of a bedsit, instead he's in good shape. i score it a big win.
posted by facetious at 11:52 AM on May 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


Yeah, I think he's sitting on a bare mattress, which is somehow the creepiest part of all to me.
posted by maryr at 11:59 AM on May 15, 2012 [2 favorites]


Fur + rifle + cake = A very sad birthday indeed for your beloved French poodle. Milisav's wardrobe must be fed!
posted by gompa at 12:01 PM on May 15, 2012


Wow, the style that's on display here is so much more compelling to me than the sleek, minimalist, design-intensive look that I presume ciphers for "classy" these days. Reading these reactions makes me realize that I may have staggeringly bad taste, though I'll never be rich or frivolous enough to really let it bloom.
posted by metaman livingblog at 12:02 PM on May 15, 2012 [2 favorites]


Sleek minimalism is the brown khaki pants of interior decor.
posted by The Whelk at 12:03 PM on May 15, 2012 [5 favorites]


Is it just me, or has he sort of given up on the idea that a woman might want to be with him just for the very special person he is on the inside.
posted by Skygazer at 12:03 PM on May 15, 2012 [4 favorites]


Maybe that's why he's not smiling.
posted by maryr at 12:05 PM on May 15, 2012 [2 favorites]


There a few places on Long Island where this house would fit right in.
posted by The Whelk


I suspect that his business is exporting gaudy furniture to the Gold Coast of L.I., and what we are seeing is here is his warehouse.

Architectural Digest's brand of minimalist midcentury modern is more expensive to execute than this style. Less is more, way more.
posted by StickyCarpet at 12:06 PM on May 15, 2012


Also pretty awesome how his outfits are room appropriate. It shows his understanding of such things...
posted by Skygazer at 12:07 PM on May 15, 2012 [4 favorites]


The furniture is weirdly hideous and plasticky looking, but wow that house is beautiful. I love tile. Tile all the things.
posted by zinful at 12:08 PM on May 15, 2012 [2 favorites]


Man, some proper photographic lighting could've really helped though...although all that reflecting gold would be BLINDING....
posted by Skygazer at 12:09 PM on May 15, 2012


Serious question: Is this kind of ostentatiousness just an overreaction to Soviet bloc era forced frugality?
posted by Daddy-O at 12:10 PM on May 15, 2012 [2 favorites]


The man knows to change his outfit to attempt to match the mood for each room. And, oh, he's working those pointy red shoes! I tip my feathery hat to him.
posted by Ink-stained wretch at 12:11 PM on May 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


I bet he has his clown costume hidden in the crawl space under the house.
posted by digsrus at 12:12 PM on May 15, 2012


Maybe that's why he's not smiling.

The scary part is that those pictures are him smiling.
posted by unSane at 12:22 PM on May 15, 2012 [5 favorites]


That place would give me a headache. If I had to live there, I would say "Not tonight honey, I have a headache" and actually mean it.
posted by Melismata at 12:30 PM on May 15, 2012


Say what you will, the man has a style.

FTFY.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:40 PM on May 15, 2012


Comedy gold.
posted by The Bellman at 12:58 PM on May 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


Believe it or not, this silly frou frou spray-painted furniture is having a bit of a moment.
posted by Summer at 1:27 PM on May 15, 2012


I wonder if he got any takers? If this story is a few years old, it feels oddly unresolved to me.
posted by Kurichina at 1:27 PM on May 15, 2012



Yeah, I think he's sitting on a bare mattress, which is somehow the creepiest part of all to me.


He refuses to put his silken sheets on the bed until he can share them with his sweetie.


Yeah, creepy.
posted by BlueHorse at 1:28 PM on May 15, 2012


Is he just posing in a furniture store or warehouse? There are no towels or toiletries in the bathrooms and really nothing personal anywhere in the house except for the office. Just seems very staged.
posted by Allee Katze at 1:30 PM on May 15, 2012


Especially as he's forgotten to take the plastic off the chairs.
posted by Summer at 1:32 PM on May 15, 2012


He's perfect for Saints Row The Third
posted by elpapacito at 1:46 PM on May 15, 2012


Here I have a gold-plated beanplate, perhaps just for YOU.
posted by EvaDestruction at 1:57 PM on May 15, 2012


BRB, setting all my MCM on fire. I've seen the light. The golden light.
posted by jocelmeow at 3:50 PM on May 15, 2012


I suspect that his business is exporting gaudy furniture to the Gold Coast of L.I., and what we are seeing is here is his warehouse.

Oh so wrong. That's precisely where you will see the super tasteful and expensive contemporary stuff. You guys and your safe prejudices... Honestly, you'd have to take a trip back to 1986 to find something like this on LI. Warning: Do not take that trip.
posted by Edgewise at 4:39 PM on May 15, 2012 [2 favorites]


So many feelings and thoughts came up with this. The laughter and the *my eyes! *my eyes! schadenfreude titillation.

And then immediately sadness that this is what people dream about, all over the world, including here, a home, built to impress others in whatever the taste of the others may be and how empty this place is. How sad - and pathetic - he looks!

Then, curious if he actually existed or not, I went googling and came across this fascinating interpretation of the site, in which the author de-codes Don Milisav Juan Gonzales Brzi's name as meaning Speedy Gonzales, pointing out the similarity in the outfit Speedy wears with the white suit and red kerchief that Milislav Brzi is wearing in a number of the photographs. In Serbo-Croation Brzi means speedy.

Some likable twistiness ensues, such as the following paragraph with links I've included.

There is a remote, but striking resemblance of this house to a fanciful and phantasmagorically decorated house of even someone like Robert Mugabe and his wife Grace in Harare. In fact, Mugabe’s house [the hoax version] has been designed and built by the Serbian giant Energoprojekt, who in some of its great periods held a post in Harare. Brzi’s interiors of the add give this eery feeling as if we were watching an empty golden cage for an awful dictator. In some way this is why the photos strike us that much, not because of the apparent retro-post-modern decoration, but because of a possibility, just a tiny possibility, that this is the house of someone similar.

And concludes:

On the other hand, we wonder whether the peculiarity of this add lies in seeking for a dialog. As the the research of Thomas Keenan shows: just like the perpetrators both in the Balkans and in Iraq often show a desire to communicate through committing atrocities, it is the seeking for a dialog with us that these pictures are made for.

By the way, the phone published in the add is disconnected and not in use.

posted by nickyskye at 5:22 PM on May 15, 2012 [5 favorites]


Welcome to my crib a place where I'm not afraid to wear the latest fur, shoot the shit with a rifle, and eat cake to celebrate and after I'm done I use my $1 MILLION (read in evil power voice) toilet because I need to release some of my gold turd. Too much gold consumption. But this is my crib, you interested?
posted by livinglearning at 6:12 PM on May 15, 2012


At first this was funny. But as the pictures went on, it just got sadder and sadder until I just felt bad for him, and also kind of depressed/ uncomfortable.
posted by windykites at 10:09 PM on May 15, 2012


None of those pictures look like anyone actually *lives* there. Hardly anything on the shelves, no sheets on the bed, no Costco-sized box of condoms on the night stand. No towels in the bathroom and I can't really tell if there is actually toilet paper in the between the king's throne and the other queen's throne.
How he must pine for a queen to occupy her other throne so he can actually put a one-ply roll (which his assistant purchased by the shipping container for the restrooms of his very successful dollar stores) in that naked toilet paper holder made of solid gold and sorrow.
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 10:25 PM on May 15, 2012 [2 favorites]


That decor is so over the top! He's like a bower bird... Only I couldn't live there, it's all too much. The place I actually live is just fine... Oh the pointy shoes? Those are papušen everyone wears those indoors. Men's one's are usually plainer and not pointy.
Reaction to Socialist era forced frugality? Could well be, there is a taste for ostentation in home decor in the Balkans, among those who can afford it. Regular people have a homier taste.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 11:28 PM on May 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


the author de-codes Don Milisav Juan Gonzales Brzi's name as meaning Speedy Gonzales,

I decoded it as "Don Juan". Too obvious?
posted by DU at 5:41 AM on May 17, 2012


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