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May 17, 2012 9:48 PM   Subscribe

Yo, Should I Dump This Asshole? From the creators of Yo, Is This Racist? (previously), a tumblr that gives succinct relationship advice.

Anonymous asked: I'm dating an asshole, but his dick is huge. But not like comic book huge, just like "holy shit that thing is perfect" huge. But again, he's really a pretty severe asshole. Should I dump him?

Hold up though, the fuck is a ‘comic book huge’ dick? WHAT FUCKING COMIC BOOK DOES THAT????

---

Anonymous asked: He said that he was with me because he didn't have time to pursue anyone or anything else and then said I have issues I have to deal with when I got offended.

Yo, you should consider making not being with that fucking asshole one of your main issues.

---

Anonymous asked: This guy I've been involved with for a while pressures me to drink and a few months ago while we were making out I was starting to feel uncomfortable and he said "I wish you were drinking more so you wouldn't want to say no."

Yo, when a dude starts talking about how he wishes he could rape you, it’s a good time to dump that asshole.

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Anonymous asked: He spends all his time online telling people that racist things are racist.

Actually that dude sounds cool.
posted by medusa (45 comments total) 21 users marked this as a favorite

 
Previously.
posted by cmoj at 9:53 PM on May 17, 2012 [13 favorites]


All the "viral" tumblrs have the same Minimalist theme.
posted by ichomp at 9:54 PM on May 17, 2012


Thank you for this
posted by Flex1970 at 10:04 PM on May 17, 2012


I mean, the answer is in the question. Would you be like, "No, you should totally stay with this asshole."?
posted by not_on_display at 10:06 PM on May 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


Seriously, though can someone get this guy (who I choose to assume is Hennesy Youngman) an account so he can handle every relationship AskMe?
posted by cmoj at 10:06 PM on May 17, 2012 [5 favorites]


If you’re with someone you don’t like, you’re the asshole for not breaking up with them.

Amen. And I've been the asshole
posted by crayz at 10:09 PM on May 17, 2012 [6 favorites]


Tangentially (and one of my all-time favorite threads on the Blue)
posted by schmod at 10:12 PM on May 17, 2012


Yo, straight up, do not try to do a bee murder on anyone just because you dislike them.

This is very good advice.
posted by brina at 10:17 PM on May 17, 2012 [16 favorites]


Unfortunately, the fact is, every single day, assholes go undumped. It’s a real tragedy.


Indeed.


I was just coming to post the bee murder thing. TOO LATE.
posted by louche mustachio at 10:32 PM on May 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


I feel like "should I dump him or her" and "is this racist" are the sorts of questions where, if you are asking them, the answer is probably yes.

That being said, kudos for these blogs for creativity in finding new and novel ways to answer the question.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 10:34 PM on May 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


Yo, To Sir With Millipedes, it's Andrew Ti! He works with Dhammond!
posted by klangklangston at 10:47 PM on May 17, 2012


This is filling the Ray Smuckles shaped hole in my soul.
posted by The Whelk at 10:57 PM on May 17, 2012 [16 favorites]


Andrew Ti! He works with Dhammond!
And writes for Grantland and takes photographs.
posted by unliteral at 10:58 PM on May 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


This is filling the Ray Smuckles shaped hole in my soul.

It's certainly derivative of that style, but it just makes me want to start goreadachewoodinstead.tumblr.com.
posted by Kwine at 11:12 PM on May 17, 2012


I'm in a 5 year marriage with a wonderful, supportive woman. We share many interests, like british murder mysteries*, and support each other a great deal where our interests differ. I'm taking her to a purse sample sale toward the end of the month right after I get back from a silly electronic music camp-out in Oregon. We both work hard to help each other when things get a little hard, like with my migraines or her diabetes, but where we really shine is working as a team. We can, when working together, get two petulant cats to the vet and back with a minimum of injury. Conversation with her remains wonderful and interesting to this day. I know of no comfort like being in her arms, and I can't imagine the depth of understanding she has for my silliness in life. We cook for each other regularly, and have date night every Friday. Though I have known love in many shapes and forms, this is the one that I will cherish forever.

Should I dump this asshole?

P.S. Not on your life. Or mine.

*God damn we sure are prematurely old.
posted by poe at 11:30 PM on May 17, 2012 [6 favorites]


Wait I'm confused. Is this person asking if they should dump someone because they like Skrillex or because they are Skrillex?


(Oh my gosh!)
posted by delmoi at 11:42 PM on May 17, 2012


All the "viral" tumblrs have the same Minimalist theme.

I figure it's the one that looks the most McSweeney's.
posted by elwoodwiles at 11:56 PM on May 17, 2012 [3 favorites]


So, there are specialised timer-things for speed-stackers?
Good golly.
posted by Mezentian at 1:06 AM on May 18, 2012


In my continuing travails categorized under the heading "Looking For A Date", I reactivated my OKCupid profile two months ago. This time, I resolved to browse only profiles that had above 90% match, and below 15% "enemy" (this is OKC's wording, not mine), and those of men (being a hetero woman) who wrote me messages not containing the words "ur hot, let's have sex" and which showed a modicum of attention towards the content actually in my profile, as opposed to attention towards a phantasmagorical content for which they were fishing.

Three weeks and a nice average of 35 visitors/week into things, I get a message from someone who hasn't answered many questions, writes a message that shows reading comprehension and basic empathy, and says he knows a great place to chat over tea. Great! But, he hasn't answered many questions, so before jumping to a tea date, I ask what enjoyable things he's doing currently. Turns out he's a yoga instructor, has his PhD in philosophy, and is also interested in Tai Chi, something I do. We shop at the same organic shops (yeah yeah, yoga, Tai Chi, organic food, tea, I know what you're thinking :P should it surprise you that I would also love to try living in a yurt and having chickens someday?) and the tea place he was thinking of is one I also frequent. So far, so good, date seems more imminent. I do a quick Google search on him.

First result: several book reviews and a website dedicated to multiple male... orgasms. Second result: PhD thesis on spirituality necessarily being removed from reality, the nonexistence of the unconscious, and the need to practice unhindered fantasizing (that's my word for it, not using his so this remains anonymous for him). Indeed, his entire "philosophy" centers around this: the unconscious does not exist because if it's part of you, then it's you, and since everything you see and imagine is you, then there's no such thing as reality. Serendipitously, he writes me around the same time, inviting me to a fantasizing course he runs, and talking about how it brings people closer to true spirituality. I seriously wonder if he was actually awarded his PhD, but I won't be asking him any time soon, because, yo, I did not date him.

I also deactivated my OKC account this week after the umpteenth 90% match turned out to have answered all the "do you want an open relationship?" sorts of questions with "yes", commitment ones with "no", and the clincher: "if you were in a committed relationship and had a one-night stand with someone you'd never see again, would you tell your partner about it?" with "No". I know there are decent men out there, my guy friends are, but it sure as heck seems the single ones are not in my area.
posted by fraula at 3:08 AM on May 18, 2012 [3 favorites]


So, this means we can shut down AskMe, right?
posted by azarbayejani at 4:35 AM on May 18, 2012


All I'm getting out of this website is that racist people are great at sex.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 5:20 AM on May 18, 2012 [3 favorites]


Metafilter: Comic book huge.


Sorry.
posted by tommasz at 5:29 AM on May 18, 2012


Hold up though, the fuck is a ‘comic book huge’ dick? WHAT FUCKING COMIC BOOK DOES THAT????

Yo, google "Tom of Finland", but not at work.
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:42 AM on May 18, 2012 [3 favorites]


brb, doing a bee murder.
posted by Banky_Edwards at 6:01 AM on May 18, 2012 [3 favorites]


Ah, I love how many of them are like "Partner is a huge asshole yo and hates kittens makes racist jokes and embarrasses me in public but the sex is good so we don't break up" because that's always how it is.
posted by fuq at 6:23 AM on May 18, 2012


@ichomp

it's to go with the content that is also generally the same
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 7:22 AM on May 18, 2012


All I'm getting out of this website is that racist people are great at sex.

Being great at sex requires being something of an asshole. Seek out the pro-social justice assholes :D.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 7:50 AM on May 18, 2012 [2 favorites]


Being great at sex requires being something of an asshole.
man come on, seriously
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 8:36 AM on May 18, 2012 [4 favorites]


So, I totally assume that the bee murder question is a reference to the house full of bees.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 8:36 AM on May 18, 2012


Ugh, I hate entertaining tumblrs that you inexplicably cannot like/reblog/follow. STOP FUCKING TAUNTING ME YOU DICK.
posted by elizardbits at 8:39 AM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


Yo, my boyfriend said he was 'okay' with 'waiting for me to get over this 'Masters Degree' thing'

Wish this thing had been around when I was married to my ex. Could have saved me some serious heartbreak.
posted by immlass at 8:39 AM on May 18, 2012


"And writes for Grantland and takes photographs."

Yeah, and went to high school with me an' To Sir. He also likes his own posts on Facebook.
posted by klangklangston at 8:53 AM on May 18, 2012


How can you expect others to like you if you do not like yourself first?
posted by superfluousm at 8:58 AM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


Halloween Jack: "Hold up though, the fuck is a ‘comic book huge’ dick? WHAT FUCKING COMIC BOOK DOES THAT????

Yo, google "Tom of Finland", but not at work.
"

Love Sausage from The Boys. No nudity, but not all that SFW.
posted by Samizdata at 9:12 AM on May 18, 2012


I was thinking this was good, then I found this:
Well, you better hope it’s possible to fuck racism away.

PS. It’s not.


Trying not to giggle so loudly that my coworkers look at me.
posted by Hactar at 9:36 AM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


I used to have a friend who was dating an asshole of a profoundness so great the man took her car without permission for a weeklong trip with another woman. When I asked her why on earth she was still dating such a jackass, she told me in a perfectly serious tone that he had a twelve inch cock.

The fact that she seemed to think that was all the reason anyone would need to stay with a quasi car thief still boggles my mind. So I can see people putting up with racism if car theft is not a bridge too far for good sex.
posted by winna at 9:36 AM on May 18, 2012


I would be interested in a professional sexology study (were it possible) on the fraction of the human race who is in a relationship solely for the sex, regardless of any other factor. I am thinking it is a pretty damn big number.
posted by bukvich at 9:39 AM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


He also likes his own posts on Facebook.

I have no problem with this.
posted by malocchio at 9:40 AM on May 18, 2012 [2 favorites]


I fuckbuddied a mildly homophobic & racist republican for about 3.5 years because the sex was almost inhumanly mindblowing.

The breaking point was neither his politics nor his bigotry, but the fact that he was unable to see the hypocrisy inherent in expecting me to miss the LOST series finale for our usual sunday night funtimes when he refused to miss the Super Bowl for the same.

(considering how the finale turned out I may have made the wrong decision.)

posted by elizardbits at 9:59 AM on May 18, 2012 [6 favorites]


I only looked at the first page of his photography tumblr but, uh, holy boring batman.

I did chuckle at the idea that one could fuck away racism, though. t'would be neat if it worked that way but if that were actually the case we'd likely be far better off now due to the peace-loving sex-hippies back a number of decades ago.
posted by mbatch at 10:36 AM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


Hold up though, the fuck is a ‘comic book huge’ dick?

7"x10", with cardboard backing, sealed in mylar bag.
posted by Greg Nog at 12:36 PM on May 18, 2012 [5 favorites]


I think you just described a Tennessee Williams play, which means RUN.

This is so crazy awesome I am in textlove.
posted by psoas at 1:49 PM on May 18, 2012


Between
yo he's a libertarian but he has nice hair and the sex is good.

Come on now, you know you can’t be sexing libertarians.
and
I'm in a really good relationship. I just wanted to share the joy.

AIN’T NO ONE TRYING TO HEAR YOUR POSITIVE BULLSHIT, CAN’T YOU LET US BE MISERABLE
I'm thinking this guy might be a MeFite.
posted by zombieflanders at 3:10 PM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


I did chuckle at the idea that one could fuck away racism, though. t'would be neat if it worked that way but if that were actually the case we'd likely be far better off now due to the peace-loving sex-hippies back a number of decades ago.

Free your ass and the rest will follow.
posted by The Whelk at 3:23 PM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]




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