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mystery meat game
May 18, 2012 10:56 AM   Subscribe

RPG

Figuring out the rules is more than half the fun.
posted by DU (88 comments total) 32 users marked this as a favorite

 
[SPOILER ALERT] There is a final boss and its name is Carpal Tunnel.
posted by komara at 10:58 AM on May 18, 2012 [9 favorites]


Also, if you're really into clicking incessantly but you need a bit more visuals, see Ginormo Sword.
posted by komara at 11:05 AM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


But if you don't like figuring it out, here's more explanation. Here's tweets generated from people finishing the game.
posted by Nelson at 11:11 AM on May 18, 2012


Yeah, thanks, life's too short.
posted by Decani at 11:14 AM on May 18, 2012 [2 favorites]


This is like everything I hate about these types of games refined into some kind of hate-syrup.
posted by odinsdream at 11:14 AM on May 18, 2012 [12 favorites]


This is like an interactive version of progress quest.
posted by MysticMCJ at 11:20 AM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


This is like everything I hate about these types of games refined into some kind of hate-syrup.

This.
posted by imdaf at 11:22 AM on May 18, 2012


Oh, great. Another update to Dwarf Fortress.
posted by DWRoelands at 11:25 AM on May 18, 2012 [5 favorites]


This game is an art piece, and I believe must be played as such.
posted by TwelveTwo at 11:26 AM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh great. Here we have yet another confusing game where you incessantly click on square-like structures with no tutorial and minimal instruction just to complete some ill-defined goal through the use of minimal graphics and an unrealistic representation of gameplay mechanics.

But enough about minecraft. What on earth is this game supposed to be?
posted by surazal at 11:30 AM on May 18, 2012 [3 favorites]


It took me a second to grok this, but now I kind of love it. I wonder if they'll come out with a way for players to create their own levels & skin 'em. You could make some amusing adventures that way.
posted by smirkette at 11:38 AM on May 18, 2012 [2 favorites]


an art piece...must be played as such

You mean given a cursory glance then subsequently ignored?

Done and done, check!
posted by Chekhovian at 11:43 AM on May 18, 2012


Actually, this reminds me a lot of the original diablo.
posted by MysticMCJ at 11:49 AM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


I find most of the fun in this game to be closing the browser tab.
posted by jnnla at 11:55 AM on May 18, 2012 [3 favorites]


SPOILER ALERT I AM ABOUT TO REVEAL THE ENDING:

:P
posted by JHarris at 11:58 AM on May 18, 2012 [4 favorites]


Ok, it took me a minute to figure out where to start. Monsters are unbeatable untill you have explored a bit. There are some unlocked areas in the upper left, and then you can buy swords, then defeat monsters, then get more swords! Hooray.
posted by St. Sorryass at 12:00 PM on May 18, 2012


(that's what you get when you defeat the secret final enemy, the big gray box at the bottom of the screen after the "Parameters Cleared" message appears)
posted by JHarris at 12:01 PM on May 18, 2012


SPOILER ALERT I AM ABOUT TO REVEAL THE ENDING:

Alas, I have closed the browser tab, but I thought it was :b
posted by jedicus at 12:05 PM on May 18, 2012


Done

But I could not open 2 of the surprises and I never figured out what you get when you fill up the blue bar at the top and it turns cyan.
posted by Ayn Rand and God at 12:05 PM on May 18, 2012


I will defeat this using my last few hours at work before I head out for wedding/vacation. Just what I needed because it's oddly engrossing and at a glance doesn't show that I'm goofing off necessarily.
posted by RolandOfEld at 12:06 PM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


random question: Does anyone know what font this is? I've been trying to figure it out forever. http://i.mking.me/1I2V1P1g0z2e090J1b0H

Seems to be used a lot in Japanese text.
posted by mattking17 at 12:07 PM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


I just unlocked the slot machine. OMG.
posted by charred husk at 12:07 PM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


yeah, so what happens when you get all the letters to spell the name ? (like pinball, light up the name)..

Or fill the little blue bar underneath the stats, but above the dungeon ?

How do you open the "?" squares ? (with or without the treasure box underneath?)

I gave up with 3 monsters left, because clicking endlessly on the cleared boxes to get enough $ to buy stats (or more keys) was as someone above said, giving me carpal tunnel.
posted by k5.user at 12:12 PM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


The ? squares just seem to open up on their own - that's how I found the slot machine room.
I'm at the final boss and can barely make a dent. At this point all I can do is play slots until I can buy enough sword to kill him. Just like a JRPG - you've gotta go back and redo stuff to be powerful enough for the final fight.
posted by charred husk at 12:17 PM on May 18, 2012


The ? boxes open up as you reach a determined level. I think the first one opened up for me when I reached level 30.
posted by ursus_comiter at 12:19 PM on May 18, 2012


I wish I knew what the blue stat bar did.
Red = attack power, green = defense. Blue = ?
posted by charred husk at 12:21 PM on May 18, 2012


I just spent an hour finishing this. AN HOUR.

The blue bar along the top fills up when you collect stuff. Get your recovery up high enough so that you can click on a finished mission constantly. When you fill the blue bar, one of the ? squares will unlock. It gives you $200 x your level, so it could be worth a lot later on...

(Also, get your armour up high enough and the last enemy won't be able to touch you.)
posted by anaximander at 12:22 PM on May 18, 2012


The blue stat speeds up recovery time.
posted by not_that_epiphanius at 12:23 PM on May 18, 2012


Blue = Recovery speed, I think
posted by smirkette at 12:23 PM on May 18, 2012


In case it is not clear to others, you can purchase multiple iterations of the unlocked ATK and DEF bonuses.
posted by Rock Steady at 12:24 PM on May 18, 2012


This is like everything I hate about these types of games refined into some kind of hate-syrup.

This is everything I love about these types of games. An RPG where I just get to make decisions about character builds and which order to finish quests and attack creatures... no mindless conversation trees, no aimless wandering around the world map, no need to bump into every NPC, garbage can and potted plant to collect quests and artifacts.
posted by aparrish at 12:34 PM on May 18, 2012 [7 favorites]


Beat it, took me an hour. Nice time waster, about all I can say.
posted by RolandOfEld at 12:39 PM on May 18, 2012


But I could not open 2 of the surprises and I never figured out what you get when you fill up the blue bar at the top and it turns cyan.

It unlocks a chest that gives you $200x[your level]. When you collect all of the NEKOGAMES letters you get a chest that doubles your current ATK.

By the way, nothing of interest happens after maxing out your items (i.e. swords and shields). That took about fifteen minutes of hammering on the slot machine.

Also, if you run out of money you can click on any finished mission for a little extra cash. You can do that as many times as you want.
posted by jedicus at 12:40 PM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


Okay, so I beat the boss but apparently you can still attach his 9999hp corpse and build up your stats...
posted by charred husk at 12:44 PM on May 18, 2012


... and I got halfway but I can see a copyright statement behind it. I'm guessing it is a cruel joke...
posted by charred husk at 12:45 PM on May 18, 2012


I'm guessing it is a cruel joke...

Bit slow on the uptake today eh?
posted by RolandOfEld at 12:51 PM on May 18, 2012


I think that my enjoying this means I've wasted my life.
posted by EatTheWeak at 12:52 PM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


RolandOfEld: "Bit slow on the uptake today eh"

Slow day at the office.
posted by charred husk at 12:58 PM on May 18, 2012


Slow day at the office.

Ditto, I attempted a second time trial style run and got fed up about 3 monsters in.
posted by RolandOfEld at 1:01 PM on May 18, 2012


JHarris: "SPOILER ALERT I AM ABOUT TO REVEAL THE ENDING:

:P
"

Yep. I feel rewarded.
posted by charred husk at 1:01 PM on May 18, 2012


Ah, I beat it in less than 19 minutes! Take that DigDoug (if that indeed is your name)!
posted by JHarris at 1:06 PM on May 18, 2012


I don't think the ATK doubler appears when you spell NekoGames -- in fact, I'm not sure what it does. I could be wrong.

The slot machine opens up, I think, when you hit Level 40. Once it's available, obsessive clicking on it is by far the best way to earn money. Each try only costs $10 and by clicking rapid-fire you can play it multiple times a second. It takes a good number of tries for it to pay off, but when it does it's worth a lot -- especially if you get the $8,000 result, or the one that's a huge number of $777 awards. It doesn't take many wins like that to buy out the equipment spaces, and you can win long before they're bought out.

(Until then, it's clicking on already-finished missions.) Second best is to open the LVLx$200 space by filling the combo bar. Do that by increasing the Add++ and RCV stats until you reach the point where you can click on mission spaces and the action bar will recover before the combo meter times out.

The best use of money is to raise stats with the equipment spaces. After that, the "Add Param" button, which can be abused to wonderful effect.

When you gain a level, your health refills. You can use this to defeat some enemies a little before you're "supposed" to.

Don't forget, when you gain a level, to click the + buttons beside your stats. Levels don't do anything on their own, their effects are entirely felt in which stats you assign to them. Attack and Defend are of roughly equal importance (try to raise them evenly), but boost the RCV stat a bit too to help you click on spaces faster, and open the LVL x $200 space.

To win, you have to defeat all the orange "enemy" boxes. Once that's done, a new box appears with a lot of hit points; as you hit that box, it cycles through different colors. Once it's done you get the victory message, but you can keep playing -- the bottom-most, gray box becomes a new enemy, with 9,999 hit points. There is no real reward for beating it other than a copyright notice and the above-mentioned emoticon.

I guess I kind of like this game. It strips out everything about RPGs except the barest mechanics, and thus the game puts the focus on meta-strategies to optimize the rate at which you grow your stats. It's really a one-joke, gimmicky game though -- worth playing once, then moving on.
posted by JHarris at 1:21 PM on May 18, 2012 [3 favorites]


I liked the part with the clicking.
posted by brain_drain at 1:23 PM on May 18, 2012 [2 favorites]


Ah, I beat it in less than 19 minutes!

I felt like for this game to be fun, you really need to be playing against the clock, or to at least have some kind of lose condition, but I guess that is not really part of the games it is modeling.
Now that I think about it, that is sort of the core of what really what turns me off about most RPGS. the lack of any way to lose, and often the lack of any real incentive to play well. Yes playing it smart, building your character well, etc can get you through the game slightly quicker, but your only punishment for playing badly is more grinding. It always seems like terrible design to treat the core of your gameplay as punishment rather then the fun part.

It would be interesting to see this game remade with a few rougelike elements thrown in.
Randomize the board, use some kind of hunger clock to minimize the grinding, and of course, permadeath. I think that could be a pretty great game actually.
posted by St. Sorryass at 1:24 PM on May 18, 2012 [2 favorites]


I clicked for 61 minutes and got the tongue-sticking-out emoticon along with a bonus prize that no one has mentioned yet in this thread:

a sinking, horrible feeling that my life is a waste.
posted by item at 1:42 PM on May 18, 2012 [2 favorites]


Don't forget, when you gain a level, to click the + buttons beside your stats.

oh my god, level 41 and i had no idea

*sobs*
posted by elizardbits at 1:55 PM on May 18, 2012 [2 favorites]


Anyone know what the box on the upper right corner is when it unlocks?
Everything that can be bought is at x9, and I'm out of new things to do.
I'm only at level 47 though, and slot machining to level 50 might be a bit much to ask...
posted by yeoz at 1:55 PM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


It's RPG moonshine.
posted by Tevin at 2:01 PM on May 18, 2012


Yeoz, that is a $200 x Level Square.

Is there anything after ;P ?
posted by Palquito at 2:03 PM on May 18, 2012


Wait, so how do I unlock it?
posted by yeoz at 2:06 PM on May 18, 2012


A little context would be nice.
posted by grog at 2:08 PM on May 18, 2012


yeoz: "Wait, so how do I unlock it"

I unlocked it by just clicking a finished square a whole lot, until the thin blue bar hit the end.
posted by charred husk at 2:11 PM on May 18, 2012


A little context would be nice.

Princess Toadstool has been kidnapped. Go.
posted by kaibutsu at 2:14 PM on May 18, 2012 [4 favorites]


Thanks. I think that's 100% clear for me.
posted by yeoz at 2:19 PM on May 18, 2012


Film actually made of multiple still images, many of which are almost completely the same
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 2:27 PM on May 18, 2012


I think this thing is great. It gives me all the dynamics I love in an RPG without all that stupid messing about with story and graphics. This is all RPGs are at their core. The only way it could be more core is if it was just the math and got rid of the boxes and the clicking. It really is brilliant. It may not be fun for everyone, but I love it.
posted by jeffamaphone at 3:49 PM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


YE GODS!?! HOW DOES ONE UNLOCK THE FINAL SQUARE (upper right)!!!?!!?!!!

/seriously, I'm at level 50, everything else is done, and the neurotic in me wants 100%.
posted by hamandcheese at 4:07 PM on May 18, 2012


It's been mentioned twice in this thread already, hamandcheese. Fill up the combo bar all the way. If you've done everything else you should be able to do it by just clicking on a completed mission space repeatedly. If the combo bar drains before you can fill it up, try waiting slightly longer between clicks, or improving your ACT++ or RCV stats a bit more. The space gives you a one time award of your level times $200 when you click on it, useful earlier in the game, but once you have the slot machine a bit obsolete.
posted by JHarris at 4:42 PM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


Thanks.
posted by hamandcheese at 4:57 PM on May 18, 2012


It's sad that I actually am really into this.
posted by GuyZero at 5:24 PM on May 18, 2012


SPOILER

Unlock one of the long bars or one of the tall bars at first (at the edge of the screen) for easy money, pour all your points into RCV and use the money to buy attack & armor upgrades (usually go for the cheapest). Don't buy keys mostly; get them from yellow bars. As soon as you unlock the casino gather 2000 and clicka clicka clicka till you're filthy rich*. Pour the money into equipment and crush everything but the 9999 box. Use any money you have towards points>attack when you get the ATKx2 box and see the ;P

*In my experience it's one of the few gambling games that pays off.
posted by ersatz at 5:49 PM on May 18, 2012


Does this save your progress? If so, how?
posted by CancerMan at 6:02 PM on May 18, 2012


oh lord the grinding
posted by GuyZero at 7:43 PM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


I felt by the end that this seemed like a game but actually I may have just commanded a real-world special forces mission in Afghanistan, Enders Game style.
posted by brain_drain at 8:02 PM on May 18, 2012 [4 favorites]


yes, you clicked thousands of Taliban soldiers to their deaths.

The money clicking was all selling drugs in Central America though.
posted by GuyZero at 8:07 PM on May 18, 2012


THIS LAST FUCKING SQUARE

I WILL END IT AND ALL THAT IT LOVES
posted by elizardbits at 8:22 PM on May 18, 2012 [6 favorites]


So the trick, I guess, is that you don't need to do as much grinding as you think you do. And that channelling points into attack early can pay off by letting you blow through the first few enemies. I think after that, switch to buffing restore until you get the combo bonus. Buy defense and attack with your money, whichever is cheaper. I'm down to 15 minutes that way...
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 8:50 PM on May 18, 2012


So, I beat this the first time... without noticing that there was an English option.

The second was a lot easier, but not as interesting.
posted by gracedissolved at 10:55 PM on May 18, 2012


Okay, so I finally got through the whole thing... sort of. That one tiny square in the upper right will not unlock. It's one of those ? squares, and contains what is either a chest or a microchip, and now all I want to do is sob into the keyboard.
posted by neewom at 3:22 AM on May 19, 2012


Almost as much as I want to sob after the secret of that square has been explained three times in the thread already, including once by me 11 comments before yours.
posted by JHarris at 4:03 AM on May 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Hey, JHarris, you seem to know a lot about this game. Well tell me this, smart guy: How do you get that square in the upper right to unlock, huh? Stumped ya there, didn't I?
posted by Rock Steady at 5:36 AM on May 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


I don't think you explained how to mercilessly slaughter the 9,999 square so shush with your sobbing.
posted by elizardbits at 7:42 AM on May 19, 2012


That square in the upper right opened up randomly when I was in the cyan zone. It was just a large pile of money.

What were everyone's final stats? This is where I stopped after getting tired of trying to close out the whole board.
posted by Rhomboid at 10:29 AM on May 19, 2012


If you do everything, absolutely everything, your final ATK can be well over 1,000.
posted by JHarris at 11:27 AM on May 19, 2012


I DID EVERYTHING. All squares were completed except that horrible 9k one which must be defeated or I will twitch angrily for the rest of the weekend.
posted by elizardbits at 12:04 PM on May 19, 2012


Just grind a bunch of money and then use the square to restore your life once or twice mid-battle and the 9999 square should be easy.
posted by GuyZero at 1:03 PM on May 19, 2012


The 9999 square is also pretty easy with 600+ attack and 300+ defense.

You can get 600+ attack pretty easily via the slot machine and the attack-doubling square.
posted by kenko at 2:52 PM on May 19, 2012


oh god that life restore square is for mid battle THAT IS WHY IT DOES NOTHING WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE LIFES

today is a day of Learning
posted by elizardbits at 3:05 PM on May 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


Almost as much as I want to sob after the secret of that square has been explained three times in the thread already.

Whoa. The snark, it hurts. I think sobbing into they keyboard was more an expression of "okay, it's six in the morning, I've just gotten off a horrible shift, finally killed the last baddie and now I've got to do all this?" and less an intentional comment to irk someone. Mea culpa.

Seriously, after completing the game, I sat and stared at the screen and wondered at how I can be so into tabletop RPG's and then get so fascinated and frustrated by something that's basically a plotless, not-so-imagination-heavy version of what I already play.
posted by neewom at 3:14 PM on May 19, 2012


Honestly this game has more imagination than, say, Ultima VI, which was pretty much punching them out at that point. Or Final Fantasy XXYYZZ but I'm not into JRPGs so who knows. Maybe they're all special unique snowflakes.
posted by GuyZero at 3:24 PM on May 19, 2012


Most RPGs don't really have all that great a story. (OH NOES HERE COOME DEMONS I KILL THEM WITH SWORD) By stripping that all out and making the mechanics visible, the game can stop being about whatever weak fantasy crap the writers thought sounded cool and be simply played. Also, it's over with within 30 minutes.

neewom I didn't mean to criticize so much as just observe. It seemed like I had just explained that bit, heh. Heaven knows there have been times I've done the same thing that you did. No offense intended.

I note that, if you play with an eye for getting a good time (my best is just under 15 minutes now), you usually end up at the boss (the square that turns different colors as you kill it) without having gotten all the letters, which means no ATKx2 square. You don't need that square to win the game, or even to beat the 9999 enemy (which seems to show up after both the last boss and all the missions have been finished), but figuring out how to get it consistently would probably knock some minutes off my time.
posted by JHarris at 5:24 PM on May 19, 2012


hooray i winar
posted by elizardbits at 6:40 PM on May 19, 2012


Rarrgh. I can beat it in 15 minutes consistently, but no lower. It drives me a little bit crazy knowing that it's possible to finish in 5...
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 6:14 PM on May 20, 2012


There are a couple of things in which good luck can help you out a lot -- you could get the 777 result immediately from the Casino instead of after a couple of minutes of clicking, and you could naturally find all the letters as you go through the missions without having to return and click on them afterwards, and thus get that double attack bonus early (or at all). These things mean that it might be possible to finish it in five minutes, but it's not going to be you, not unless the ethereal dice come out your way.
posted by JHarris at 8:42 PM on May 20, 2012


JHarris: " By stripping that all out and making the mechanics visible, the game can stop being about whatever weak fantasy crap the writers thought sounded cool and be simply played."

Oddly enough, this reminded me of an old "dungeon" generator for D&D 3E. You entered the number of characters and their levels and it would spit out a "dungeon" that was tailored to be a full adventure for them. The "dungeon" didn't actually have a map. Instead, it listed keyed "encounters". These simply included things like "X GP worth of unguarded treasure", "Encounter EL X with X GP in treasure". If you wanted, these linked to online generators for purely random results. But it also included things like "Key A" and "Lock A", like some sort of old school RPG. But the point was that you actually were collecting key and opening locks, but rather you needed something from Encounter 3 to continue past Encounter 7. So if you were doing a story-based adventure, it could be Encounter 3 was a piece of information and Encounter 7 was where you could use it to move the story forward. It laid bare the mechanics of a certain type of adventure structure in a pure sort of way.
posted by charred husk at 8:56 AM on May 21, 2012


I think you can save one or two minutes or so by being lucky, but I also think that there more meaningful reasons why the best results are in the 5-7 minute range, whereas the best I can get is 11-13. I suspect that if you do things in the exact right order, you never actually have to grind at all. There's about three things that I don't feel like I have a handle on yet1:
  1. How and when to buff recover. I've been trying a strategy where I use my points almost exclusively for recover, only occasionally putting them toward attack. Even so, I'm guessing the top scorers push recover much more aggressively than I do -- there may be points in the game wherein the fastest way to proceed doesn't actually depend on having good attack/defense but instead on having life that restores faster than monster life does.
  2. How to reliably exploit the life-restore on level-up to push through monsters faster than I should be able to
  3. When to stop investing in stats and when to start using my money exclusively on mid-battle life restores
I'm also guessing that in the fastest games, the thousands-of-gold-per-level treasure chest opens as a natural side effect of beating areas, without any "okay, and now I'm going to spend 45 seconds clicking on this thing I've already beaten" sucking up your time. I'm pretty sure one shouldn't actually pick up that money until right before the last series of battles. I have this hunch that it may be possible to, through using that money on mid-battle life restores, beat the game without ever even unlocking the slot machine.


[1]: And, sadly, I will likely never have a handle on them, because there are things I need to do in the world other than click on this stupid webpage.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 9:36 AM on May 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


I've been able to get 6.5 minute games with this strategy:

- First, click quickly on the black spaces in the upper-left and the ones slightly to the right of that. You should be filling up the blue meter with this.

- You should be level 7 or 8 now. Put all of your points into attack. Buy all the $96 shields you can. Then kill all the open enemies.

- Put all the points you get from this into recover.

- This is where I'm not sure, and where a good strategy could definitely do better. Here I just kill all the enemies I can, occasionally doing black spaces, and buffing primarily attack (with recover at around 40). I use purchases for my defense.

- There should only be four enemies left - the ones with around 400 health and the huge bar. Now you should be buffing your defense and using mid-battle life recovery.

- After the huge bar enemy, the last boss is easy - just recover twice mid-battle.
posted by LSK at 9:45 AM on May 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


Oh, my other tactic has been turning on "Mouse Keys" in Windows so my left hand can do the clicking.
posted by LSK at 9:49 AM on May 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


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