Comments on: Comments on 11629

Post number 11629

danger — Thu, 18 Oct 2001 23:54:06 -0800

HIJACKERS SURPRISED TO BE IN HELL Meanwhile in other news..... GOD CLARIFIES "DON'T KILL" COMMANDMENT. They're back at it at The Onion... Is it time again for laughter? does anyone remember laughter? ... What's your Response ? Or should we stick with the serious and News?

By: toddshot

toddshot — Thu, 18 Oct 2001 23:55:36 -0800

Did... did we hit a wrinkle in time? I'm cold and scared!

By: Fahrenheit

Fahrenheit — Thu, 18 Oct 2001 23:56:59 -0800

Ah, yes. Just what the world need: Links to a month old Onion. Praise the lord!

By: chaz

chaz — Thu, 18 Oct 2001 23:57:29 -0800

3...2....1

By: danger

danger — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 00:04:28 -0800

Sorry,.. Hadn't seen it on here yet,.. Just used it as a point though,.. is it time to start making fun of this already?, Sorry if it's not Up to The Minute Late-Breaking Links,.. but I have a life away from this box too you know,... Sheese! Just thought it make for a good conversation...

By: pascal

pascal — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 00:14:19 -0800

In other news, God angrily clarifies "No Onion links" rule...

By: ericost

ericost — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 00:16:29 -0800

Sheese! Just thought it make for a good conversation... It was a good conversation!

By: pascal

pascal — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 00:19:58 -0800

In other news, God angrily clarifies "No Onion links" rule...

By: pascal

pascal — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 00:21:20 -0800

I hit post just once, I swear...

By: jedrek

jedrek — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 00:21:22 -0800

I love The Onion, and some of the latest stories (like Hijackers Surprised to Find Selves in Hell or A Shattered Nation Longs to Care About Stupid Bullshit Again) are excellent. They are the things that a lot of people are thinking, the jokes a lot of people want to crack, but don't feel comfortable with doing that. A great pressure valve, if you will. But, in the end, nothing beats my favorite column: Got Finally Gives a Shout-Out Back to All His Niggaz: 'Despite the overwhelmingly positive response among rappers, the Lord is drawing fire in certain circles for His use of the word "nigga."'

By: webmutant

webmutant — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 00:51:35 -0800

Arrgggghhhhhh!!!!!

By: po

po — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 00:56:30 -0800

i thought that said "Hackers Surprised to find Selves in Hell"....... y'all know that ogres are like onions, right?

By: Bixby23

Bixby23 — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 01:02:44 -0800

Where's good ol' TAMIM when you need 'im? He ripped me apart for less than this (semi-deservedly), and he'll get you and your little dog, too, my pretty!

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 01:21:38 -0800

How many Taliban terrorists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One to attempt to do it. One to spy on him and catch him doing it. One to accuse the other two of vanity and vice and then have them incarcertated in prison. Twenty to chastise the other men for forgetting to stone the lightbulb to death, because a lightbulb is a symbol of the infidel and enlightenment is evil. The answer: none. Irony is dead. Long live irony! How many Afghanistan women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Answer: what does it matter? They can't see through their veils anyhow. Three Afghanistan women walk into a bar. Ouch that must've hurt. Oh I gotta million of 'em! Thank you! I'll be here all week! Good night!

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 01:58:07 -0800

Somewhere, the baby jesus is weeping quietly in a cheap hotel room, cradling an empty bottle of rotgut whiskey, with no sound but the white noise hissing of a broken television set. Or not.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 02:17:38 -0800

don't worry stavro, tomorrow no one will know. [but we'll still all have that icky feeling, like when someone wipes their ass on your face or forgets an italic tag on the front page] by the way, did you know that the past tense of smote is smitten. usually they're not used in the same sense... interesting.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 02:25:17 -0800

whoops. I meant the past tense of smite is smitten. whatever, i'll never see either of these comments again.

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 04:01:05 -0800

Yay!! What a playground the comments page for double posts has become. Until the sun rises on the west side of the continent, what did you guys eat for breakfast? Did it start with a "P" and end with "-ancakes"?

By: Hexaemeron

Hexaemeron — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 04:01:31 -0800

The past tense of smite is smote. The past participle of smite is smitten. I smote the dragon. The dragon was smitten by me.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 04:09:02 -0800

Completely other continent, nprigoda....while the Matt's away, the mice will play.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 04:40:45 -0800

since this will all disappear soon... I have a confession to make. I am a film buff. The AFI list? Seen almost all of them. But I've never seen "It's a Wonderful Life." Yeah, I know it comes on every Christmas. Never seen it. Have no desire to. Put that in your pancake and syrup it.

By: Mick

Mick — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 05:08:03 -0800

I had pop-tarts of the chocolate frosted variety and juice of oranges

By: luser

luser — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 05:08:45 -0800

I'll see your IAWL and raise you one more: Star Wars. Never seen any of them. Star Trek? Same thing: movies AND series. any other confessions from people? Knowing this thread is doomed?

By: bjgeiger

bjgeiger — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 05:09:13 -0800

Naughty little mice.

By: quonsar

quonsar — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 05:20:45 -0800

The dragon was smitten by me. yum! tell us the details!

By: davidmsc

davidmsc — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 05:22:37 -0800

I did it. It was me.

By: Hankins

Hankins — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 05:30:59 -0800

™

By: xiffix

xiffix — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 05:34:24 -0800

davidmsc never liked the Beatles. Okay, that's more of an incitement than a confession...

By: hijinx

hijinx — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 05:39:17 -0800

danger: Sorry,.. Hadn't seen it on here yet. I'd heartily recommend using the search engine here at MeFi. Look for the URLs, article titles, or words you plan on posting. Most importantly, do it. Assume that your link has been posted already. Be prepared to jump ship. In addition, Onion links are frowned upon as of late because people have been posting them repeatedly. I think this is the fifth or sixth time we've seen links to this particular issue.

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 05:44:26 -0800

Okay, my confession, I told my little sister I was god. She believed me until she was 10. I felt so bad about that.

By: Carol Anne

Carol Anne — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 05:53:46 -0800

Who needs the all-too-predictable Onion when there is Herd of Sheep? Current headlines: MISSILE STRIKES TAKE OUT TALIBAN SAND AND ROCK STOCKPILES; HIJACK FLIGHT PASSENGERS DENIED FIRST CHOICE HOT MEAL, FBI REVEALS; SPECIAL FORCES ALREADY INSIDE AFGHANISTAN ASKING ABOUT FOR GUY WITH BEARD; WAR STORY HEADLINES WILL HAVE TO GET LARGER BEFORE THEY GET SMALLER, EDITORS WARN; NICOLE WEARS SOMETHING NEW, BRITNEY GIVES EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW, US BOMBS AFGHANISTAN; PLANES WERE LIKE GOING "WWHAAAAARHHHH", WAR CORRESPONDENT REPORTS; GOVERNMENT URGES MINUTE OF SILENCE FOR SHAREHOLDERS WHO LOST 10 PER CENT IN SHARE DIVE AFTER TERRORIST ATTACK; CHILD BATTLE GAME MARRED BY DISPUTE OVER WHETHER POINT BLANK FINGER BLAST IN HEAD WAS FATAL; GIRL UNSURE WHETHER TO BROACH NON-EXISTENCE OF SANTA WITH DOTING PARENTS.

By: Outlawyr

Outlawyr — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 05:54:28 -0800

I would just like to take this opportunity to say that the recent demise of the search function on Metafilter has proven devastating to the s/n ratio and enjoyability factor. Who woulda thunk that such a simple thing could change good to bad. That's why I eat pancakes. Yes, pancakes. You can't beat their wholesome goodness. No search function needed, just add syrup and shove em in. Yum!

By: lotsofno

lotsofno — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 06:03:42 -0800

umm.. i know you guys are gonna be pissed about this but... ::looks down at feet:: it was me... umm... i stole the cookie from the cookie jar.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 06:08:49 -0800

My Confession : I damn near pooped my drawers a few minutes ago. Honest. Too much kimchi, soon-dae and low-quality beer. Again. But I clenched, and prevailed. Hooray! More pan-fried batter disc-shaped joy!

By: brookedel

brookedel — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 06:09:48 -0800

Oh, jeez. A shameful confession? Despite being raised in a strongly pro-Joel household, it's always been my heartfelt belief that Mike was the better MST3K host. I mean, come on. The quick wit, the affable charm, the willingness to cross-dress without shame! But my parents must never know of my lov - er, opinions on the matter. Thank you, doomed thread, for your brief gift of freedom!

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 06:12:30 -0800

Sorry, Stavros, for some reason I keep thinking you live in Toronto too. Probably because there is a prominent mens wear store in town called "Stavros". Every time I walk by I add in "thewonderchicken". I know you're in korea. Have some Kimchee for me!

By: phunkone

phunkone — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 06:13:21 -0800

caps lock hurts my eyes...

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 06:19:34 -0800

Ummm. I would have never made my movie confession if I thought this thread would last this long. Please, please go away before someone mocks me. BTW: luser:: None of them? Never? damn...that's impressive.

By: y6y6y6

y6y6y6 — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 06:21:49 -0800

Confession: I abuse garden gnomes.

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 06:24:45 -0800

*points finger at ColdChef and laughs* sorry, you really were asking for it!

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 06:26:18 -0800

Only because this thread is doooooomed, as I respect copyright laws totally and fully and in all respects, I want to share a wee Charles Bukowski poem with you all, knowing it's only temporary, as his readings have been my audio soundtrack for the evening's festivities : it was just a little while ago almost dawn blackbirds on the telephone wire waiting as I eat yesterday's forgotten sandwich at 6 a.m. an a quiet Sunday morning. one shoe in the corner standing upright the other laying on it's side. yes, some lives were made to be wasted. ------------ Associated confession : I'm way past the age where most people think a great deal of Buk, but I still do.

By: Perigee

Perigee — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 06:37:48 -0800

I had a dream last week where Captain Stubby put on a raincoat and went into a dark, foul-smelling cave. Because of this, I'm doubting my sexual orientation. I have gone on a strict diet of waffles until I'm through this time of crisis. I blame Evil-doers.

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 06:39:42 -0800

A true pancake story: when I was 10 we went to Paisley, Scotland, to visit my mum's relatives. Walter and Agnes Anderson were a very sweet older couple who treated my sister and I like princesses. Before we went to sleep they asked us what we'd like for breakfast in the morning. We asked for pancakes, and in the morning there were pancakes. I later found out that Walter had spent the night calling people trying to find out what the heck pancakes were and how he could make them. I miss them very much.

By: sugarfish

sugarfish — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 06:47:45 -0800

i like bud light better than shiner bock. and luser: i've never seen any of them, either. so at least you're not alone, eh?

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 06:56:33 -0800

Captain Stubby? Recently departed from Australia, I'm thinking a short but pleasantly-portly anthropomorphicized (is that a word?) beer bottle, wearing a cape....big red 'S' on the label. [Superhero voice] This problem can be solved with.....beer! [/Superhero voice]

By: Fenriss

Fenriss — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 07:00:19 -0800

My confession... I've been a MeFi member since the summer of 1999, and have never posted a front page link for fear of being slagged. I'm so ashamed. (I'm a girl though. That counts for something, doesn't it?)

By: tpoh.org

tpoh.org — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 07:05:14 -0800

Cabbage Heads Cabbage Heads, Cabbage Heads All in a row Watch them rot in a vacant lot and kick them with your toe Throw them up against the wall And watch them bounce around Dress them up in formal tux And let them paint the town Cabbage Heads, cabbage heads Never get a date They just sell insurance And always get in late.

By: Dean King

Dean King — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 07:06:19 -0800

I was in New Zealand a few years ago and got a kick out the SuperLiquorMan stores. You could never have something like that in the U.S. My sister and I had fun working up some Saturday morning cartoon episodes...

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 07:16:17 -0800

The Giant Floating Lemur Head spits delicious liquor into the upturned mouths! If I ever open that bar, that'll be the motto burned into the rough-hewn cedar beam above the obligatory mirror behind the bottles. Or maybe not. It's getting pretty late here.

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 07:25:13 -0800

My confession? I use Mozillal to read Metafilter, but have to switch over to IE to post. I'm an acorn, small and round lying on the cold, cold ground everyone steps on me that is why I'm cracked, you see I'm a nut, I'm a nut, I'm a nut i'manut imanut...

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 07:27:48 -0800

Only one thing missing from this thread: HAIKU!!! Despite multiple warnings, danger posts old link. Mefi wrath follows. Unclefes returns! But Mefi loves Miguel more. Sensitive? not me! Breakfast: what to eat? Bacon? no. Peach Poptart? no. Must be something else...

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 07:33:33 -0800

If UncleFes were the buddha, I would rub his belly for good luck. Even if he weren't. Nothing like a good belly-rub.

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 07:36:16 -0800

Not THE Buddha, just a Boddhisattva. When you getting back from Korea, Grasshopper? Bring me some soju and you can rub all you want. Hands gotta stay above the equator, though.

By: tpoh.org

tpoh.org — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 07:44:08 -0800

Yay! Finally! A world leader with a goofier smile than Duh's!

By: briank

briank — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 07:44:18 -0800

Just be careful about where you get your pancakes.

By: adampsyche

adampsyche — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 07:47:42 -0800

They make peach PopTarts? What is the world coming to?

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 07:48:45 -0800

Why are these men so happy? It's the love, the Metafilter love, spreading it's wings across the globe. Or sumpin'.

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 07:48:53 -0800

Sure they do! A great, one-syllable fruit :)

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 07:52:01 -0800

Mefi Love Fest? Yes! Even right-wingers can get a good belly rub.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 08:00:49 -0800

Ahhhhhh.....I've been proposing belly rubs with the Right! Ah well... When it comes to rubs StavrosTheWonderChicken's apolitical.

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 08:09:57 -0800

A peach was kissed by the sun and the morning dew While overhead a little bird flew and watched as it grew and grew and grew

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 08:13:08 -0800

Wow, this thread will go down in MeFi history. Is anyone close enough to Matt to get a copy of this thread put somewhere safe for posterity? Oh, and I'll rub anyone's belly, if they can bring Miguel back.

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 08:22:19 -0800

This thread was kissed by UncleFes and stavrosthewonderchicken While overhead a little pancake flew and watched as it grew and grew and grew

By: D

Fri, 19 Oct 2001 08:25:36 -0800

[confession] I've been eating the flowers... [/confession]

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 08:32:33 -0800

[confession] I've been lapping at the deep, stinky core of life... [/confession]

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 08:34:58 -0800

...and that's not UncleFes's deep, stinky core I'm talking about... (get your mind outta the gutter)

By: UrbanFigaro

UrbanFigaro — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 08:40:30 -0800

Damn, I'm way too late to weigh in against this inane post, but I get halfway through the discussion and I'm suddenly waist-deep in pancakes? What gives? Can someone explain the reference to a newbie? Tanks.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 08:45:50 -0800

UrbanFigaro : Bow to the Riff Lord Sorry I don't know what that phrase means, I just like to say it when I'm a wee bit inebriated.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 09:00:30 -0800

hid under table when the pancakes hit the fan; now coated with goo.

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 09:02:06 -0800

Hey, stavros, you know what you should eat right now? Sea cucumber. That'll make you sober up real quick.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 09:10:11 -0800

Miguel Cardoso doesn't know that he's gooey his wife will be mad. I kid because I love.

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 09:10:35 -0800

I've been proposing belly rubs with the Right! Right-winger, maybe but an atypical one. Missile shield? bullshit! UncleFes's deep, stinky core the FesCore is more black, soulless and malignant. Not too much stink, though. as for the gutter, I've been a resident there so long they bring mail Kafkaesque! Brother Haiku-man! Together we shall bring them metre!

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 09:16:04 -0800

::Hangs head in simple-syllable-counting-shame::

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 09:18:39 -0800

Wonderchicken, you are a true Duke of Poultry! Please bring back soju.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 09:26:42 -0800

The belly rub is like sword and butterfly kiss best left undiscussed.

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 09:26:48 -0800

Outside this thread other events collect thoughts but we grok pancakes

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 09:33:16 -0800

The proof lay not in grok or thought, jazon; 'tis in the devouring This thread, once haven to Captain Stubby dream talk, now reeks of Zen. Boss!

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 09:35:19 -0800

When worldwide events are too unbelievable we must eat flapjacks Join us in the quest To bring Bisquick love to the godless goat heathens When all Earth's children have tasted maple syrup only then I rest ps not that I really think of anyone as a godless goat heathen or anything. it just feels right, dammit!

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 09:37:10 -0800

When only the best will do. Misses Butterworth Sticky Sweet Goddess

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 09:38:31 -0800

Godless Goat Heathens Unite!

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 09:38:48 -0800

The scientist thinks E=mc2, but pancakes turn the world

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 09:39:52 -0800

wonderchicken cries GODLESS GOAT HEATHENS UNITE pancakes in every pot ohmygod I'm on a roll...

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 09:45:18 -0800

Pancakes; are they not "cakes" of "Pan"? Cute goat-footed satyr our Patron! Methinks Brother K knows more of Goats than he says. Pagans, not heathens.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 09:51:36 -0800

By: Dean King

Dean King — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 09:54:53 -0800

Dominus vobiscum Et cum spiritu two oh Won't you eat my sleazy pancakes Just for Saintly Alphonzo They're so light and fluffy white We'll raise a fortune by tonight They're so light and fluffy brown They're the finest in the town

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 09:58:06 -0800

Scary Goat Picture is Kafkaesque on top or bottom? or watching from side? riffing on UncleFes

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 09:59:09 -0800

Ronin! your Quatrains offend our five-seven-five sensibilities. Yet, scribes of either style must agree; Stavros' art collection rules.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 10:00:42 -0800

In the early morn Would not have been so brazen. Thread won't go away. ::hangs head in confessional shame::

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 10:04:51 -0800

HORRORS! I have lost my ability to count five-seven-five will return I am distracted between work and Mi Fi, no? my focus will return

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 10:06:09 -0800

Why did the Sherbrooke Police play at tilting the machine themselves?

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 10:11:08 -0800

Hey! Who hasn't thought At one time or another about fucking goats? Deep silence descends As I look around and think "shouldn't have said that" Sometimes it's better to keep bestial goat-sex allusions quiet And that, by the way, was not me in the statue. I swear, your honor.

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 10:13:14 -0800

An example of 'victim' mentality in action. Posted before? cut-n-paste haiku!

By: Shadowkeeper

Shadowkeeper — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 10:14:07 -0800

I love that we're herding all the haiku posts into one thread so that Matt can axe 'em all in one fell delete. Confession: American's Funniest Home Videos and all of it's awful, awful clones? Holy Gamoly, I love those shows. And the "Bloopers" reel at baseball games? Heaven. [Speaking of which: go Mariners.]

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 10:14:56 -0800

Ever have those moments when a two-syllable word sounds like a one syllable word? Let's try again: An example of 'victim' mentality in action. Old Post New?

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 10:19:13 -0800

Goats in the barnyard Often are nervous. Do they fear Kafkaesque? No. Continue to read this soon-doomed thread to see how it all will wrap up

By: boaz

boaz — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 10:22:01 -0800

I love that we're herding all the haiku posts into one thread so that Matt can axe 'em all in one fell delete. The axe falls sighing. The just die with the unjust; Life is moving on.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 10:26:13 -0800

The transitory nature of these haiku gems add to their value. As the hermit crab who forsakes his fleeting home gets crushed underfoot. Tathagata – word that sounds good in Haiku Kerouac be damned.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 10:28:17 -0800

oh dear bad counting again

By: boaz

boaz — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 10:33:25 -0800

New feature request... MeFi lair of silliness to hold axed greatness.

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 10:33:35 -0800

bad counting again MiFi haiku taxes brain but lifts my spirit

By: msacheson

msacheson — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 10:34:14 -0800

Yankees rule the world Mariners have not a chance New Yorkers will dance!

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 10:42:33 -0800

I love you folks.

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 10:45:55 -0800

Humorous Series of cartoons. Posted Many times. Made bondcliff laugh. And we love you, too, Stavros.

By: xochi

xochi — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 10:46:32 -0800

I just like to say it when I'm a wee bit inebriated. Stavros...you're ALWAYS inebriated.

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 10:49:01 -0800

John is coming late To the bad-post-haiku-fest Still, gamely, he tries

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 10:52:04 -0800

You try, and Succeed! Better late than never, John please post while you can

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 11:17:09 -0800

... Well, as long as this thread is still here... I can't turn away from those shows where cops are in high speed pursuits. I could be flipping through the channels on my way to something of value (Austin City Limits, Iron Chef, the never ending line of shows about Hitler on the History channel), but when I see some cop tearing through the streets chasing some asshole...I gotta stay for the crash. And when they don't crash? Hoo, mama! Do I get pissed! "World's Scariest Police Chases" It brings out the ignoramus in me.

By: boaz

boaz — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 11:19:38 -0800

sigh, good haiku-ing, but I guess you all had to get to work or pub.

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 11:22:20 -0800

After promise of rub, I too love Stavros, and envy his liver. All Haiku Forum! K and "friend" should moderate: pancakes, love, goatsex.

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 11:27:23 -0800

There was a young poster on MeFi Unaware of the double-post mob cry With a tap of the finger Made a post that did linger Much longer than one dull and dry My limerick can beat up your haiku.

By: D

Fri, 19 Oct 2001 11:34:05 -0800

[confession] I love goatcakes. [/confession]

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 11:34:15 -0800

syllabic nightmare I see the numbers dancing Are they flying elves? Cosmic freakout starts as numbers lose all meaning pancakes are wilting Haiku poster is losing his reality.... look! Baby monkey!

By: boaz

boaz — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 11:37:28 -0800

Among the haikus, the lim'rick verse is like a cellphone at a play.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 11:38:11 -0800

limerick pales when compared to a haiku with too many syllables

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 11:38:59 -0800

You know, things really went to hell when Miguel left. But luckily he's back now.

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 11:47:34 -0800

Welcome home Miguel we have been missing you for almost three days now

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 11:56:00 -0800

In haiku your syllabic profusion Stands out as a tin-eared intrusion But in limericks, you see Extra beats can bring glee Tho' my example is lost in confusion

By: chrismc

chrismc — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 12:00:22 -0800

I feel like I just read the latest post-modern novel.

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 12:02:30 -0800

Limericks? Horrors. No Zen, no Art; the best just insult Nantucket.

By: boaz

boaz — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 12:08:44 -0800

skyscraper: the haiku is sharp, a rapier to the weighty word hammer you wield.

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 12:17:57 -0800

skyscraper: The limerick you seek cannot be located; here just haiku exist I was at lunch, but now I'm back

By: hotdoughnutsnow

hotdoughnutsnow — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 12:31:24 -0800

you people scare me.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 12:32:20 -0800

Last night I compared this thread to having someone wipe their ass against your face, now it's the funniest thread ever. Strange

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 12:36:08 -0800

For satori reserve your haiku Limericks rule in these threads white and blue For a rapier wit Just isn't worth spit When the talk is of goatsex and goo "threads white and blue"... man, I'm good. blue screen now white a hasty index clicking lunch is over

By: boaz

boaz — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 12:40:04 -0800

Oh, poor eyeballkid, on mefi the seasons change while you are sleeping.

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 12:40:57 -0800

Skyscraper's Haiku paints a true image, and yet fails five-seven-five test Yeah, haiku smackdown, from the guy who can't count syllables either... Strange conversation Carl, cuddling, and Key West Co-workers are strange

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 12:45:43 -0800

More cut-and-paste fun! caps lock hurts my eyes goats, pancakes, and confessions you people scare me. "No Onion links" rule tomorrow no one will know funniest thread ever

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 12:52:29 -0800

Shucks, so this is Where the action was All along

By: dness2

dness2 — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 12:55:16 -0800

Wary of Matt's return Making thread Fizzle!, Pop!, Poof! While I Lookaway OnlyASecond. Sheesh, it's been a long time since Mrs. Webb and 5th grade. It's just as hard as I remember. The point is I'm dying here trying to decide whether I'm hungry enough to risk leaving MeFi and having Matt zap this while I'm gone. Oh, the dilemma.

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 12:56:27 -0800

Beginners (especially if better acquainted with Western poetry) often do well to follow the 5-7-5 discipline at first. Later, when they become comfortable with saying what they want said in the least words, as it is easier to switch to the shorter styled haiku in a natural movement. This does not mean that 5-7-5 haiku are beginners' work; many, many very good writers insist on remaining with the form scheme. From Another Attempt to Define Haiku smackdown indeed

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:00:25 -0800

So much for drama. My link-posting is rudimentary - try this

By: boaz

boaz — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:02:32 -0800

Love what Robert Frost said of free-form poetry 'tennis without net'

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:06:07 -0800

Skyscraper's wisdom Attempt to Define Haiku The link is broken A google search took about point one five seconds the web site is here And what a good site it is. No offense meant, skyscraper. Thanks for the enlightenement!

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:08:03 -0800

Indeed, who could have known this thread could consume my whole day so quickly I'm going to have to go soon. You guys have been great. At least I know where all the nice kids hang out. We were probably all the nerds in highschool. Right? Guys? Right? Maybe it was just me then.

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:08:27 -0800

Oh, and skyscraper - your followup post almost is a haiku, if you force the syllables: So much for drama. My link-posting is ru di men tar y - try this

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:08:50 -0800

When Haikus Last in the MeFi Thread Bloomed is one of the seminal works of Whitman. (Note: there is no nastiness intended in the chance inclusion of both the words "seminal" and "Whitman". Thank you.) Tangential Haiku Pun: The Non-Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:11:47 -0800

Vermont 125 Facing poet Robert's house sign: "Caution, Frost Heaves"

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:12:36 -0800

nprigoda : Oh, I was a nerd Grade School, High school, and college But now I'm a geek I've started speaking in haiku and I can't stop

By: walrus

walrus — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:13:05 -0800

oh the dilemma ghost tumbleweed blows nearby is this deletia?

By: boaz

boaz — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:20:58 -0800

A good haiku answers no questions nor asks. just fits together. A bad haiku is merely post-modern art. but more fun to write.

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:24:35 -0800

Nay; though mathowie, Mefi Lord, might our poesy axe, Haiku endures.

By: walrus

walrus — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:29:20 -0800

"merely post-modern" seems to ascribe laziness but hits the zeitgeist

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:36:12 -0800

Ah, the geeks unite, a feist of poetic might. May Matt pity us I would like to visit this in the distant future and show my grandkids what ol' gran was doing in her twenties.

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:36:40 -0800

Ah, the geeks unite, a fiest of poetic might. May Matt pity us I would like to visit this in the distant future and show my grandkids what ol' gran was doing in her twenties.

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:38:03 -0800

Ack, I suck. Two tries (tried to hit the stop button in time... grrr), and I still spell "feast" wrong. I throw myself at your feet and beg for mercy.

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:39:50 -0800

Today's work undone Endless refreshing of screen tiny haiku gems

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:45:51 -0800

his server stutters Matt stands red-faced trembling squeaks echo at hole

By: dness2

dness2 — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:47:01 -0800

Tummy now sated Dessert is a Po'try Feast Time for Siesta One more deadline looms 2 hours hence -- great posting feast? Or sad void in threads?

By: walrus

walrus — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:51:59 -0800

Error occurred while processing request. And the haikus continue.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:54:22 -0800

Dessert is a Poultry feast?? or feist? I'm all messed up inside.

By: donkeymon

donkeymon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 13:56:44 -0800

May's cherry blossoms transient constellation covert haiku thread

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 14:00:01 -0800

In the quietness, Tommy Lasorda's stomach: relief in Haiku

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 14:05:56 -0800

Nantucket schoolboy syrup-soaked goatherd faces Japan not Ireland haiku verse drawing New England's grim multitude demanding limericks

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 14:08:11 -0800

Oh, the dilemma. See what danger has started? To post or to work...

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 14:10:50 -0800

Back, thread, on topic! Mefis: did you of late see Onion fake news site? Laffs aplenty there! Not only is there satire, but other stuff too. Whoops! Despite search bar and scroller ability, I posted doubly! ColdChef: "I like films!" Perigee: "Captain Stubby!" Poems start; you know rest.

By: boaz

boaz — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 14:11:19 -0800

scraper converted. the heathens had their goatherds so we have lim'rick. limerick theory celebrates fire, not the ash where diamonds are born.

By: po

po — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 14:16:26 -0800

my pancakes are gone syrup wiped from table who took the butter?

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 14:17:25 -0800

I would like to visit this in the distant future and show my grandkids what ol' gran was doing in her twenties. Children! Gather round, hear tales of digitized youth: Aye spelt gud bak thenn :)

By: po

po — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 14:20:30 -0800

contemplating zen: "11629.com is still available."

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 14:23:30 -0800

pancake and onion goaheard, limerick, po's butter UncleFes rules thread Outside other posts lie baren, shallow, unread our haiku go on

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 14:25:54 -0800

jazon again tries to multitask while posting and can't spell GOAT HERD

By: po

po — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 14:30:17 -0800

moment's distraction haiku flashing fastly past jazon stole butter!

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 14:38:47 -0800

Po should perhaps be less concerned with theft, more with her cholesterol.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 14:53:39 -0800

Somewhere in the night Thread ninety-six-twenty-two lonely and afraid

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 14:53:39 -0800

forget lipids, Po should see a good doctor; her tummy has TV!

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 14:54:05 -0800

golden butter melts steam rises in slow circles round buckwheat pancakes blueberry muffin pink paper cup holds breakfast crumbs fall in my lap Kraft Macaroni milk, water, orange powder half a butter stick

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 14:57:31 -0800

ConAgra Dairy announces pink Margarine Inspired by po?

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 15:03:42 -0800

eyes glowing in dark thread nineteen reanimates scanning for victims

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 15:22:28 -0800

Uh... Mr. Ashcroft? Them. All of them. Watch for people conducting themselves in a strange manner or making unusual requests

By: jazon

jazon — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 15:27:33 -0800

my last post for now Time to begin my commute Will check back tonight

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 15:36:51 -0800

this thread still here? howie on the lam, i guess.

By: po

po — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 16:05:40 -0800

po's TV tummy comes with wireless cable, too innovention, yum!

By: dness2

dness2 — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 16:20:20 -0800

Glee at day's end A guilty pleasure this thread Satire of MeFi?

By: brookedel

brookedel — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 17:54:14 -0800

It's been twelve hours - And my shame is still laid bare! I trusted you, thread!

By: Optamystic

Optamystic — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 19:38:38 -0800

My week beginning Now, while others party on This thread cheers me much

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 19:56:22 -0800

All right, cut the shit. Please stop posting to this thread. It's pissing me off.

By: Optamystic

Optamystic — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 20:17:40 -0800

Sad that seventeen little words could provoke such recrimination

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 22:17:10 -0800

awake in morning hangover pounding my brain ah! sweet thread survives

By: Steven Den Beste

Steven Den Beste — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 22:27:56 -0800

Daddy has gone out The kids are running riot Matt's gonna be pissed

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Sat, 20 Oct 2001 04:46:25 -0800

I can not believe I read all the posts in that thread nine-six-twenty-two I have not slept for Twenty hours, need to sleep. First eat breakfast. Yum! Plus, I think that thread may have taught me to spell.

By: jazon

jazon — Sat, 20 Oct 2001 10:21:45 -0800

Saturday Morning eleven sixteen A.M. The thread has survived Many more postings have appeared in my absence Imaging my joy

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Sat, 20 Oct 2001 15:24:41 -0800

howie back thread still here somehow perplexing

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Sat, 20 Oct 2001 15:36:15 -0800

Matt understands us the simple joy such a thread brings hearts new and old

By: tpoh.org

tpoh.org — Sat, 20 Oct 2001 20:23:34 -0800

*tap tap* "This thing still on?"

By: po

po — Sat, 20 Oct 2001 21:35:21 -0800

morning comes soon now thoughts of buttery pancakes fill my dreams tonight

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Sat, 20 Oct 2001 21:37:33 -0800

haiku belly rubs benevolent mathowie has let this one slide

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Sun, 21 Oct 2001 05:26:10 -0800

Welcome, October twenty-first; cold, wet, rainy in my part of Earth

By: tpoh.org

tpoh.org — Sun, 21 Oct 2001 06:16:35 -0800

sumbitch kill't my dawg shot 'um between the eyebawls i'll kill that sumbitch

By: tpoh.org

tpoh.org — Sun, 21 Oct 2001 06:18:04 -0800

By: jazon

jazon — Sun, 21 Oct 2001 07:44:37 -0800

One-eyed translator unhappy with his own thread Sneaking into ours

By: jazon

jazon — Sun, 21 Oct 2001 07:47:56 -0800

One One Six Two Nine Transient haiku endures Sweet little pleasure

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Sun, 21 Oct 2001 18:48:52 -0800

Anticipating Like a kid on christmas eve What will Monday bring?

By: brookedel

brookedel — Sun, 21 Oct 2001 19:31:25 -0800

Just a wild guess A fifteen dollar surcharge Placed on all haikus?

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Mon, 22 Oct 2001 09:24:14 -0800

Lim'ricks gather force Ban on haiku awaiting Western poesy

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Mon, 22 Oct 2001 12:02:02 -0800

Thanks, guys, for posting. This thread was a blast. But now all return to work See you guys next time! *Kiss Kiss* I'll miss you!

By: danger

danger — Mon, 22 Oct 2001 12:10:31 -0800

danger is sorry, His search yeilded no to his links He twitches his nose, His treatment by these nerds stinks

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Mon, 22 Oct 2001 18:33:08 -0800

Tee hee, danger. That was funny! welcome back to your post!

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Mon, 22 Oct 2001 23:37:18 -0800

200 posts looms just an artificial goal but a goal no less

By: walrus

walrus — Tue, 23 Oct 2001 00:43:26 -0800

just two more haikus floated on this blue ocean to make stavros' goal

By: walrus

walrus — Tue, 23 Oct 2001 00:47:11 -0800

run little haikus for this evil, monster thread follows close behind

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Tue, 23 Oct 2001 02:34:08 -0800

proud ant on the peak clouds gathering, deluge looms behind lie greater peaks still

By: walrus

walrus — Tue, 23 Oct 2001 03:47:40 -0800

So many mislaid gems. I am forced to create a "MeFi links" folder.

By: tj

tj — Wed, 24 Oct 2001 08:52:44 -0800

depression sets in I can't believe I missed this late to the par-tay

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Wed, 24 Oct 2001 10:38:51 -0800

Seattle (Reuters) The mysterious TacoZero, commander of the Limerick Domination Front, today announced that the LDF has reached an agreement with the Haiku Irregulars designed to drive the influence of threads 9622 and 1142 from thread 11629 and the surrounding areas of Northwestern MeFi. "These even numbers are an offense to right-thinking people everywhere" the diminutive leader declared Wednesday. "We believe that only by being odd can our people achieve true freedom." It is not clear if the Haiku Irregulars have a command structure, but most members contacted agreed that the numbers 5 and 7 were odd.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Wed, 24 Oct 2001 12:07:51 -0800

splurge, splutter, fuckedkeyboard.com!

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Wed, 24 Oct 2001 13:46:37 -0800

Good to see many haiku-ers continuing the struggle for breath. As these threads become self-referential in-jokes entropy descends. I shriek with terror And back away from Miguel he fucked his keyboard!

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Wed, 24 Oct 2001 16:12:11 -0800

what sterling control a coherent train of thought passion's hunt and peck

By: walrus

walrus — Sat, 27 Oct 2001 09:46:32 -0800

after the quiet rain only memories remain: softly drying earth

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Sat, 27 Oct 2001 13:15:12 -0800

walrus: not fair. That's poetry. Are you trying to ruin this thread or what?

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Sat, 27 Oct 2001 14:03:15 -0800

yeah, sheesh, man! what gives? this thread is all sillyness, no beauty here lives! Ha haha!

By: walrus

walrus — Sat, 27 Oct 2001 14:29:50 -0800

heh. I thought it dead: never realised others watched the threads vital signs

By: po

po — Mon, 29 Oct 2001 11:31:19 -0800

like a desp'rate beast, fighting for a final breath, bad haiku returns

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Tue, 30 Oct 2001 00:36:02 -0800

tremble ye mortals the wonderchicken reborn! wha? hey, who farted?

By: walrus

walrus — Tue, 30 Oct 2001 03:08:16 -0800

With trembling nostrils, step warily round this thread: dying haiku smell.

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Tue, 30 Oct 2001 14:05:09 -0800

Fes returns to peek; Methought this place abandoned! Nay! Smell, but yet life! Even Miguel stoops to pen a bit of terse prose, and goad the walrus. From across Asia, Stavros brings kim-chi flatus, we tremble from stench. Even I depart now must; 'tis five, and Missus Fes has dinner on. The table, laden with savory Samhain treats, beckons: Fishstick Night!

By: walrus

walrus — Tue, 30 Oct 2001 14:30:32 -0800

Sounds fishy to me ... conspiracy nuts take note: Samhain's tomorrow!

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Tue, 30 Oct 2001 20:26:35 -0800

No conspiracy! Missus Fes' Fishsticks not only served on Pagan fests.

By: walrus

walrus — Wed, 31 Oct 2001 14:44:38 -0800

Just as well too. Non-denominational fishsticks taste better ;)

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Thu, 01 Nov 2001 02:20:42 -0800

Avuncular Fes butterfly wing haiku grace for me to poop on! I love so I kid the Fessian haiku stream inimitable.

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Thu, 01 Nov 2001 12:53:52 -0800

Stav, you Jack-Blacky Jester! Korea is bright from your wicked light. I have oft wondered: why is Stavros in Asia? Soldier? Or psycho? "WonderChicken" now means "Mefi Boddhisattva." Hai! A worthy cult.

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Thu, 01 Nov 2001 13:52:28 -0800

On and on and on This thread keeps rollin' along On and on and on

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Thu, 01 Nov 2001 17:18:55 -0800

Dangerous Onion Half-consumed by fowl's haiku And festering words Green tendrils probe earth Odorous sphere sprouts new life This thread will not die

By: walrus

walrus — Fri, 02 Nov 2001 02:59:33 -0800

Favourite haiku may be preserved, immortal, if cooked with onion. Fishsticks, cult chicken, and other prolix dishes: slathered with spices. This large sea mammal goes to practice frying skills. Stav: send me a wok!

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Fri, 02 Nov 2001 12:57:36 -0800

o' warty tusked one, fishsticks are far better baked, fry that chicken, though. Funny, that "walrus" needs to practice eating fish. Sea is full of them! But I think that, for wokking, best to use round steak. peppers, onions, rice. Fry the whole mess up with lots of garlic, olive oil, drench in soy sauce. We love to wok all our leftovers with rice and lime juice; empties fridge!

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Fri, 02 Nov 2001 13:25:48 -0800

Nay, do not unto fish what is proper performed upon fowl. Fry you may, but bake them not. Fishsticks? Abomination! Roasting's for the birds!

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Fri, 02 Nov 2001 14:44:01 -0800

Roasted is good bird, but compares weakly to fried; skin alone worth it! How to fry fishsticks? Already breaded they come, you just heat and serve.

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Fri, 02 Nov 2001 15:26:58 -0800

'Twould be wrong to fry a fishstick, but not a fish. They taste better fresh.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Sun, 04 Nov 2001 05:08:27 -0800

chicken families lain waste by hungry mefites o god the carnage

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Mon, 05 Nov 2001 15:43:00 -0800

chicken on a cart propelled by feathered wingtips drumsticks, thighs consumed turns with sister hens stavros beckoning the way onward to vengance

By: walrus

walrus — Tue, 06 Nov 2001 04:54:22 -0800

No practice needed devouring succulent fish: sashimi saves cooking. Stavros, enraged and half-et, seeking fowl revenge on hen plunderers, should consider green mustard, or even soy sauce: ensure sliced thinly.

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Tue, 06 Nov 2001 15:45:40 -0800

::opens door, notices dimly-lit form with huge teeth sorting through condiment jars and pieces of raw flesh. exits quickly::

By: walrus

walrus — Wed, 07 Nov 2001 04:35:55 -0800

hope I haven't scared everyone away: that could get boring

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Wed, 07 Nov 2001 10:24:00 -0800

Though the walrus is fearsome, Uncle Fester is just unnatural! Light bulb lights in mouth? Survives - nay, thrives! - in deadly family? Can do. So if you have got some raw flesh there, Walrus, save some for your Uncle.

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Wed, 07 Nov 2001 10:45:03 -0800

A foul alliance is thus born. Flee, dear fish, flee! I cannot save thee.

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Wed, 07 Nov 2001 11:28:29 -0800

Walrus: if we can bring Stavros to our cause, the world shall kneel to us! Stav takes pan-Asia, you take the azure oceans, and I'll rule the rest. Our triumvirate will rule as benevolent kings and dictators Our words will be wise, our subjects will stand in awe, plus tons of hot chicks.

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Wed, 07 Nov 2001 12:06:02 -0800

::opens door at the mention of hot chicks, astonished to find...:: fiercely bright triad huge above tiny minions silliness rampant

By: walrus

walrus — Wed, 07 Nov 2001 12:09:43 -0800

Ha! My chance at last! Fes ... prepare all our armies! Broadcast that special announcement: we will not take any prisoners or give much mercy until we have won, then things will soon get better around the old place.

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Wed, 07 Nov 2001 13:43:45 -0800

It will be done as you say! The FesLegions are ready for battle! Victory shall be sweet; my high school revenge list is long, distinguished. Ever since the "locker incident," I have plotted; soon, vengeance is mine! Even now I practice my Vader-esque laugh: Bwaha! Note: get evil "look."

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Wed, 07 Nov 2001 16:58:40 -0800

::skyscraper gives UncleFes evil look::

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Thu, 08 Nov 2001 13:27:34 -0800

That is not what I meant; I meant that I should get... oh, forget it, man.

By: walrus

walrus — Thu, 08 Nov 2001 14:42:45 -0800

Hey Fes, where is our errant co-conspirator? Maybe we're betrayed. Stavros, we need your superior air-cover for this plan to work! Hey I just realised: is this a cellular phone? Prank caller! Goodbye ...

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Thu, 08 Nov 2001 14:57:58 -0800

Stavros would never betray us... wait a minute, someone's at the door...

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Thu, 08 Nov 2001 15:25:22 -0800

::opens door:: sorry, just one of many miniscule minions where are those hot chicks?

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Thu, 08 Nov 2001 15:33:35 -0800

::opens door:: Doors close by themselves thanks to good Leonard Lin friend of the lazy

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 09 Nov 2001 01:19:29 -0800

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 09 Nov 2001 07:01:15 -0800

love love love love drink beer beer beer wheeeeeeee burp fart beer love love love love sleep

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Fri, 09 Nov 2001 07:12:22 -0800

And so the evil triumvirate collapses. Thanks from all the fish.

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Fri, 09 Nov 2001 08:58:34 -0800

I always thought that I would be the weak link in the triumvirate. Well, it was a good idea while it lasted. No revenge for today. But even though world domination is off, I'm still practicing laugh. And with luck, Stavros, Walrus and I can still tell kingly tales, get chicks.

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Fri, 09 Nov 2001 09:16:04 -0800

And with luck, Stavros, Walrus and I can still tell kingly tales, get chicks. no doubt stavros has worked that one out already (unless of course the Wonder Rooster has the market cornered) ....

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Fri, 09 Nov 2001 09:37:18 -0800

With that accent and goofy antics, the Rooster has an empty coop. Our Wonderchicken, though, is a chick magnet, and fills his coop with babes. I think secretly women want a man like Stav: full of beer, gas, love.

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Fri, 09 Nov 2001 10:31:55 -0800

Through years of lonely plotting, the brave go chickless, haunted by heat'd dreams Of greater glory and hot babes to come. Alas! 'Twas not meant to be. Their wicked plot foiled, the old roosts beckon once more. Cockadoodledoo!

By: walrus

walrus — Mon, 12 Nov 2001 11:44:02 -0800

Fish: don't feel relieved. I have other plans for you (neither fried nor baked). Our first plot is foiled, and mattpfeff is off our case. What shall we do next? Beer, chicks and gases of various descriptions? Sounds like a good start ...

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Tue, 13 Nov 2001 01:20:17 -0800

stav posts goatse when in his cups : that was freakin lame, apologies. Does Fes call me true? a chick magnet cock, no less? in my dreams bucko! Am I to believe global domination dream gone like windstorm fart?

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Mon, 19 Nov 2001 17:04:45 -0800

::Opens door to find:: Three fallen idols Giant cracked stones feeb'ly glow Minions on the dole Terrorists from hell Scamper among the ruins Searching for onions Twilight of the gods Thread thinning, almost gone now And still no hot chicks

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Tue, 20 Nov 2001 02:10:35 -0800

Ozymandias I met a traveler from an antique land Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone Stand in the desert . . . Near them, on the sand, Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown, And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command Tell that its sculptor well those passions read Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things, The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed. And on the pedestal these words appear: "My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!" Nothing beside remains. Round the decay Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare The lone and level sands stretch far away. Percy Bysshe Shelley (1818) *FIN*

By: walrus

walrus — Tue, 20 Nov 2001 02:51:58 -0800

Art thou pale for weariness Of climbing heaven and gazing on the earth, Wandering companionless Among the stars that have a different birth, And ever changing, like a joyless eye That finds no object worth its constancy?

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Tue, 20 Nov 2001 03:20:30 -0800

OK, not *FIN* ::secretly rejoices::

By: walrus

walrus — Tue, 20 Nov 2001 04:17:19 -0800

Tales of our demise have been exaggerated: we lurk in the dark. I've been hid in caves as all evil plotters must when faced with ruin. The coast seems clear now: bring on the hot dancing chicks? I've got a keg here ...

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 27 Nov 2001 13:38:24 -0800

a week passes by thread comes to a grinding halt is turkey to blame?

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Thu, 29 Nov 2001 13:28:48 -0800

Guerilla turkeys protecting their safe haven: Occupied MeFi Feathered escapees from Thankgiving's bloody axe fire at intruders Hot chicks now hatch out, eggs shattered by tiny beaks new turkey cadre Wild turkeys now roam where boozy Wild Turkey ruled parties forgotten Guano'd keg rusting MeFi 11629 now homeland for fowl

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 30 Nov 2001 15:16:58 -0800

Back in this thread, I suddenly notice my shoes full of turkey shit.

By: walrus

walrus — Fri, 30 Nov 2001 18:22:38 -0800

Gotta watch gobblers. Their wattles wobbling, they shriek hours: the clock chimes them.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 30 Nov 2001 19:25:25 -0800

And the rain of bells falls on the necks of turkeys! Arise! On to death! hmm channeling some form of inspirational turkey poetry...

By: tj

tj — Sun, 02 Dec 2001 02:00:00 -0800

pfft... trendy haiku therds....

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Sun, 02 Dec 2001 02:35:11 -0800

You guys still here? I thought Percy Bysshe Shelley would clear the room fast!

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Sun, 02 Dec 2001 08:37:22 -0800

All perform their tragic play, There struts Hamlet, there is Lear, That's Ophelia, that Cordelia; Yet they, should the last scene be there, The great stage curtain about to drop, If worthy their prominent part in the play, Do not break up their lines to weep. They know that Hamlet and Lear are gay; Gaiety transfiguring all that dread. All men have aimed at, found and lost; Black out; Heaven blazing into the head: Tragedy wrought to its uttermost. Though Hamlet rambles and Lear rages, And all the drop-scenes drop at once Upon a hundred thousand stages, It cannot grow by an inch or an ounce. — W.B.Y.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Mon, 03 Dec 2001 21:50:05 -0800

You know any Nipsey Russell, Matt? For my money, you can't beat a little Nipsey.

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Tue, 04 Dec 2001 08:03:04 -0800

nah, but I know some Bertie "Don't-Call-Me-'Bertrand' " Russell: The raw fruits of the earth were made for human sustenance. Even the white tails of rabbits, according to some theologians, have a purpose, namely to make it easier for sportsmen to shoot them. Beat that, Nipsey!

By: walrus

walrus — Wed, 05 Dec 2001 04:41:26 -0800

Yeats, Shelley ... no Keats? Even Percy mourned his death. Let me see: somewhere ... O soft embalmer of the still midnight, Shutting, with careful fingers and benign, Our gloom-pleas'd eyes, embower'd from the light, Enshaded in forgetfulness divine: O soothest Sleep! if so it please thee, close In midst of this thine hymn my willing eyes, Or wait the "Amen," ere thy poppy throws Around my bed its lulling charities. Then save me, or the passed day will shine Upon my pillow, breeding many woes,-- Save me from curious Conscience, that still lords Its strength for darkness, burrowing like a mole; Turn the key deftly in the oiled wards, And seal the hushed Casket of my Soul.

By: msacheson

msacheson — Wed, 05 Dec 2001 11:15:58 -0800

Roses are red, Violets are blue. What did I just step in? Something smells like sh*t.

By: walrus

walrus — Wed, 05 Dec 2001 13:48:50 -0800

Something smells like shit. Decaying onion? Maybe. Or all those turkeys ...

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Fri, 07 Dec 2001 20:32:51 -0800

I just need to say, this is really bumming me out.

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Fri, 07 Dec 2001 21:16:11 -0800

Is that for real? Is holgate gone?

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Sat, 08 Dec 2001 00:38:37 -0800

Well, he blew a gasket on the SDB brouhaha in MeTa and said 'Oh, fuck it. Never mind. I'm outta here', but has posted since then, so I dunno...

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Sat, 08 Dec 2001 01:23:06 -0800

He did not blow a gasket, stavros. Holgate is a scholar. He merely tut-tuts, if at all. My guess is he's working on something important and doesn't want to be interrupted. I'm all for democracy and everything, but certain writers should be taken at face value. Besides, his "Thanks for all the fish" quote in his user profile is not ironic. It just shows that all you people who pretend to be familiar with Douglas Adams still don't get it. You might as well say Lewis Carroll was disappointed by logic, or the English language, and so "took the piss". Samuel Johnson, holgate's predecessor, was staunchly unironic, as he was able to be subtle and clear at the same time. This is something only straight-shooting and wide-thinking writers can do. This sounds awful, I know, but you get my drift. On a tangent - SDB has nothing to do with this - what I admire in him is how democratic and non-condescending he actually is, often correcting obviously less felicitous posters in the generous guide of a pedant("You, sir..."), thus allowing the more unfortunate fellow he chastises the kindness of ticking him off as a stuck-up Reform Club, obviously English, political and literary nitpicker. One of his latest comments, to an Artcylopedia link I posted, shows he's in high spirits and great form. He reminds me of the great A.E.Housman's learned, but very personal writings on his fellow textual critics. Only less avid and miserably vain. Like jpoulos - and what's not to like about jpoulos, apart from his constant sending me to the corner? - I hope he returns soon; as he's sorely missed even when he's around. Hey, I've embarrassed him before; no reason to stop now!

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Sat, 08 Dec 2001 01:25:32 -0800

~~guide~~ no. Guise yes.

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Sat, 08 Dec 2001 07:53:53 -0800

Ah, Miguel, now we have to lobby mathowie to delete that artcyclopedia comment -- can't have you self-posting your own high praises in other threads, can we? (Though it was indeed a nice post; well done, old chap.) Hmm. If his use of the "so long" phrase is unironic, was he a dolphin? Interesting. He must have ruined a few keyboards in his time (though I hear if you pour the water out and let them dry, you can reuse them) ....

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Sat, 08 Dec 2001 09:42:39 -0800

Geez, Miguel. One time I sent you to the corner--and well-deserved it was, if I recall.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Tue, 11 Dec 2001 03:39:40 -0800

'Oh, fuck it. Never mind. I'm outta here' is a little stronger than 'tut-tut', NovelBoy! And that jpoulos bastard. Well. String him up, I say! Feelin' feisty tonight! *bobs around clumsily in psuedo-boxer mode, farts loudly, gives up*

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Tue, 11 Dec 2001 08:03:53 -0800

Stav's out in the blue! We've got him now -- jump him! ... Ha! Your pseudo-boxing is no defense! ... Wait! Did you fellows hear that? ... What's that smell? Gas! Watchout boys, he's armed! OK, Mr. Wonderchicken, you win round one. Fuck it. We're out of here!

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Wed, 12 Dec 2001 01:57:43 -0800

. o O "Back off, you bastards! Pffbbbft!"

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 12 Dec 2001 13:34:20 -0800

Hey, guys! What's going on over here... What the fuck is that smell? (chickenfart?)

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Wed, 12 Dec 2001 19:12:43 -0800

Smells like sage stuffing!

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Wed, 12 Dec 2001 21:29:58 -0800

Funny, most wise men I've met have been rather skinny.

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Thu, 13 Dec 2001 15:08:38 -0800

::opens door and races across room, clad only in 400 stamps depicting Norbert Weiner:: skinny, my a**! ::begins to turn in circles, trying to verify skinnyness of posterior, then stops, sniffs the air and flees back out the door::

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 14 Dec 2001 10:56:14 -0800

Jeez. It still smells in here. We need one of these.

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Fri, 14 Dec 2001 16:05:46 -0800

US Government standards for unpleasant odors here. Can Mr Wonderchicken's effusions measure up to the dreaded OSS "Who Me?" device? Stay tuned.

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Fri, 14 Dec 2001 16:10:33 -0800

Oops. Who Me? recipe here.

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Mon, 17 Dec 2001 21:44:54 -0800

We'll never reach 11629.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Tue, 18 Dec 2001 05:16:27 -0800

You, mattpfeff, will never reach 11629 if you continue to spend all your time with this younger slip of a thread, in a flagrant betrayal of all that is proper and unhurtful. If you persist in this infidelity - who's "We'll", harrumph? - I'll have that "Acesso Proibido" window strapped onto your every key-movement before you can say Jack Daniel's.

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Tue, 18 Dec 2001 08:39:43 -0800

in a flagrant betrayal of all that is proper and unhurtful Miguel, Miguel, Miguel, Readst thou not thy email? For I told thee long ago, My poor poor Mac had brought me low. It can but read great Sacred Thread, And post there not. And though ColdChef plead For divine deliverance, It hasn't come, has it? Hah! Fat chance! So, alas, I am shut out, you see. (And just when I'd found the cutest monkey!) And now I say, do not protest; And blame not me, but Kafkaesque!

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 18 Dec 2001 09:31:48 -0800

Download Opera, Matt. It's your only hope. We barely made a thousand without you. And it was a sad, hardly funny thousand at that.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 20 Dec 2001 14:11:53 -0800

Since no one comes around here anymore, I can go back to telling my secrets here. I'm asking my girlfriend to marry me tomorrow. Shhhhh. Don't tell her...

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Thu, 20 Dec 2001 15:00:58 -0800

Dude! Serious? Wow. And for the holidays, too. Good luck, man. P.S. Been thinking about that Opera thing, can't decide if it's that I'm too lazy to download the thing, just in order to post in 9622, or if I'm not lazy enough. Anyway, so far it's been fun just lurkin'....

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 20 Dec 2001 16:13:16 -0800

Serious. Gotta bad case of sweaty palms, too. Thanks for the encouragement.

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Thu, 20 Dec 2001 16:48:10 -0800

ColdChef: We want a vivid description of the happy (of course) outcome. Your secrets are safe with us. As for the sweaty palms - people pay good money for less of an adrenaline rush than you'll get tomorrow. Think of it as an extreme sport.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Thu, 20 Dec 2001 20:37:00 -0800

Do it in style, ColdChef. She deserves it. I actually got down on my knees. Keep those sweaty palms sweating - that's the most moving and convincing, non-fakeable part. Act as if you're afraid she'll refuse you. Aw, now you've gone and made me all tearful with the joy of it. Hey mattpfeff: I apologize. I now realize, in your own brave way, you were taking over this thread for La Résistence! Bravo!

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 21 Dec 2001 12:45:55 -0800

Godspeed, ColdChef! Good luck to you! Best question I ever asked!

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Sun, 23 Dec 2001 01:35:42 -0800

Well, I've avoided this thread lately, but now I might just hafta come back to see wha' hoppens. ColdChef, you go. Good luck, mate. If she knocks ya back, don't forget, there's always booze....

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Sun, 23 Dec 2001 01:37:59 -0800

Shit I thought I was on 9622 for a minute there! This is getting confusing.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Thu, 27 Dec 2001 01:25:26 -0800

So, what's the good word? Coldchef? Is it champagne or rotgut, buddy?

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 27 Dec 2001 22:14:20 -0800

Come on, man! Join the ranks of us married slobs! joooooiiin uuuusss! Unless, of course, she said no...uhh. Never mind.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 27 Dec 2001 22:53:24 -0800

Sorry it took so long to get back to you guys. It's been a wild week. First, thanks for all the encouragement. I was nervous as hell, but I remembered what Miguel said and asked her as if I thought she'd say no. Her response when she saw the ring? "You asshole." Yes, that's one to tell the grandkids. She was blindsided by the proposal and it took her a few minutes to compose herself. I asked her in front of the clocktower at LSU in Baton Rouge, LA where we met. It was a beautiful scene. No one else was around. There was a thirty foot Christmas tree. I commented that it was a shame that the tree had no gifts under it. "Oh, here's something." I said. She said yes after a few heart-stopping moments. Then, we went to a bar right off campus (the bar where we had our first drunken kiss) where my brother (and best man) was holding a table for us. It's been quite a Christmas.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Sat, 29 Dec 2001 03:23:37 -0800

Congrats, cap'n. You can hand in your testicles at the desk. No, but seriously... (I'll be here 'til Thursday - you've been a great crowd!) I'm happy for you.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Sat, 29 Dec 2001 15:06:49 -0800

Dying for a drink, Mighty Balls? Well, here's a real crowd-pleaser, then: an Emily Dickinson poem.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Sat, 29 Dec 2001 23:44:44 -0800

Miguel, what are you doing on wemadeoutinatreeandthisoldguysatandwatchedus.com? I am genuinely curious. And mad funky props, my poultry brother.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Sun, 30 Dec 2001 03:34:19 -0800

Kafkaesque, I'm tempted to tell a lemur-ridden story about a 19-year old toilet seat here but the boring truth is that I was sent there by good old Bifurcated Rivets. May I wish us all a terrific 2002 - our first palindrome since 1991? Now that was a good year for all of us, I'm quite sure! This one will be the married version, all pulls unplugged, all bars unheld and naps too!

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Sun, 30 Dec 2001 05:35:23 -0800

When I was twenty-fii-iive, it was a ve-ry good year... 36 may well be a good year too, if completely different in most ways, for this reprobate, at least. Happy palindrome to you too, my friends.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Mon, 31 Dec 2001 00:03:45 -0800

Note to self: it was Chef who got engaged, not le poulet de wonder. again: "Mad funky props to you, culinary brother."

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Mon, 31 Dec 2001 00:04:25 -0800

What about 9622? Will no-one save it?

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Mon, 31 Dec 2001 13:05:29 -0800

Congrats, Chef!

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Mon, 31 Dec 2001 14:21:33 -0800

Good move, ColdChef! The best to your bride as well!

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Wed, 02 Jan 2002 08:28:00 -0800

Congratulations, Chef. You done good.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Wed, 02 Jan 2002 09:21:04 -0800

ColdChef on one knee he proposes nervously response: "You asshole."

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Wed, 02 Jan 2002 13:11:30 -0800

Congratulations, ColdChef! I would have loved to see the look on your face right after her first response.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 04 Jan 2002 11:29:59 -0800

Thanks for all the well wishes, but it appears this sappy crapola has almost killed this thread. Gimme haiku poems and limericks--stat! We're losing her, Doctor...

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 04 Jan 2002 11:36:14 -0800

I'll give you a topic: Portrait Tattoos and why you should fear them. Compose.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Sat, 05 Jan 2002 13:00:24 -0800

tattoo of Tattoo standing lost on Tatooine: Herve Villachaise

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Sat, 05 Jan 2002 13:01:04 -0800

well you get the idea damn line breaks.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Mon, 07 Jan 2002 09:45:53 -0800

A secret bounced 'round in my head The girl I love--I wanted to wed So, with heart full of fear I spilled the beans here But somehow it killed off the thread...

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Mon, 07 Jan 2002 11:17:07 -0800

ColdChef, we're all just excited at the prospect of you being united with your ideal wife but I think we are rife With fear that we won't be invited!

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Mon, 07 Jan 2002 11:50:18 -0800

Though I looked forward to saying, "I do." It's all over now--yes, we're through! We split up last night After a terrible fight "Our colors will NOT be yellow and blue!"

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Mon, 07 Jan 2002 12:30:23 -0800

Oh crap, Chef, I hope you are kidding Back toward single life you are skidding? remember one fight doesn't put out the light You may still find yourself doing her bidding.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Tue, 08 Jan 2002 01:50:57 -0800

*washes his hands of the whole dang thing.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Tue, 08 Jan 2002 09:29:10 -0800

Jeez, you folks get around. No wonder it's so damned quiet in the 9622 'hood.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 09 Jan 2002 13:39:18 -0800

Well, things have worked out real well The thoughts of a breakup are quelled Though she don't understand She's met my demands-- An ice sculpture shaped like Miguel

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 10 Jan 2002 14:03:18 -0800

While limericks may fill the hole I fear they've become less than droll Why don't me and you Go back to Haiku I've heard that it's good for the soul.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 10 Jan 2002 14:06:05 -0800

Reflections dizzy the eye of the beholder – Miguel ice sculpture

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 10 Jan 2002 15:59:32 -0800

Thread quickly dying Eyeballkid is so lonely No one's here but us

By: y2karl

y2karl — Thu, 10 Jan 2002 16:09:09 -0800

Megalomanic Kafkaesque Mini-Me Beats very dead horse

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 10 Jan 2002 16:27:05 -0800

(watch them syllables:6, 6, 5) Horse beating is fun Besides, I aspire to be Mini-wonderchick

By: walrus

walrus — Thu, 10 Jan 2002 17:19:53 -0800

Dazzled and stinking, turkeys recoil from sound of horses being flogged.

By: y2karl

y2karl — Thu, 10 Jan 2002 17:37:40 -0800

Dazzled and stinking, I recoil from sound of We went back to drinking.

By: y2karl

y2karl — Thu, 10 Jan 2002 19:43:39 -0800

Finger lickin’ good In the ‘wonderchicken ‘hood If I only could Protect this lil’ pup For the day when he grows up And bites Stav's big butt

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 10 Jan 2002 22:06:10 -0800

y2karl is special. so cold and sweet.

By: y2karl

y2karl — Thu, 10 Jan 2002 22:23:55 -0800

Papa gone mad, Mama, she’s feeling sad. Well, I’m gonna baptize you in fire So you can sin no more I’m gonna establish my rule Through civil war Gonna make you see Just how loyal and true a man can be Bob Dylan Bye And Bye

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Fri, 11 Jan 2002 16:35:58 -0800

Mr. Zimmerman Severs turkey neck with disk Fresh blood on the tracks

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Fri, 11 Jan 2002 17:00:34 -0800

An ice sculpture shaped like Miguel (sort of)

By: y2karl

y2karl — Fri, 11 Jan 2002 17:05:47 -0800

Singing past graveyard In voice apocalyptic Trumps nihilist chic Outta my way jpoulos sucka!

By: skyscraper

skyscraper — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 16:33:21 -0800

Trump's nihilistic chick? I thought he went for existentialists.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 17:21:41 -0800

*waiting for that to melt* Surely there were other, more humane ways of keeping me away...

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 19:46:30 -0800

A labor of love, Miguel. You must know that.

By: y2karl

y2karl — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 21:54:30 -0800

Somebody told me All weirdos love company In insanity One one six two nine, Perhaps. is the bottom line Of that paradigm

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 22:17:52 -0800

Love me for my mind And not my body, although I've been working out

By: y2karl

y2karl — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 23:25:34 -0800

Posting loser links Is something that really stinks You are him, me thinks? ;)Ð

By: jennak

jennak — Thu, 17 Jan 2002 16:03:02 -0800

Omigod. I just found this thread again. I feel like I caught you all in the girls' bathroom, smoking. I missed the whole marriage proposal thing too. Um, congrats ColdChef!!

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Mon, 21 Jan 2002 14:48:05 -0800

Oh my god she's right! I guess the lack of urinals should reallly have tipped us off guys.

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Mon, 21 Jan 2002 15:53:55 -0800

So that's where all the smoke was coming from....

By: jennak

jennak — Tue, 22 Jan 2002 05:30:15 -0800

Yes, so....*twiddles thumbs* How's it going guys?

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 22 Jan 2002 07:01:01 -0800

boys caught in mid puff urinal-less walls silent virtual "pee fright"

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Tue, 22 Jan 2002 07:37:49 -0800

Yes, so....*twiddles thumbs* How's it going guys? Sounds like someone wants to bum a cig but is afraid to ask.... Trade you, for a haiku? Kafka's got the light.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Tue, 22 Jan 2002 07:38:39 -0800

(Stavros doesn't hold.)

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Tue, 22 Jan 2002 20:36:26 -0800

Dudes (and dudette). Check this out -- this is what the web is all about. TrickyyKidd's Bad Poetry Hell. Holy shit. This Was Gonna Be A Poem is an instant classic (the kicker's a killer). Heck, who am I kidding, the whole thing's classic! (NB: It's got embedded sound files in the whole thing, so make sure you have your speakers on (but not too loud if you're at work (or if you're secretly logging onto your hubby's MeFi account)).) I just had to share this....

By: D

Mon, 28 Jan 2002 09:03:24 -0800

*emerges out of toilet* That poem is grrrrrrrreat!

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Mon, 28 Jan 2002 15:39:42 -0800

Rising from toilet And dripping with excrement: Tony The Tiger.

By: walrus

walrus — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 04:45:28 -0800

Tony got caught out, hiding his stash of frosted sugar in the tank ...

By: D

Tue, 29 Jan 2002 10:12:43 -0800

Toilet Tiger waits - (If I stay for sweet haikus, Will they take my Flakes?)

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 12:00:03 -0800

Tiger, Tiger, burning bright In the toilet late at night, What immortal MeFi lush Could your crispy sweet flakes flush?

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 12:51:44 -0800

There once was a cereal eatin' freak From the far-off land of Battle Creek He said with a swagger, "I'm Tony the Tagger!* And somethin' in this crapper sure reeks!" *(this works if you say it in a Southern accent)

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 20:13:23 -0800

Way to go, guys. Now you've scared off jennak for sure.

By: D

Tue, 29 Jan 2002 20:46:36 -0800

*sinks back into toilet*

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 22:26:11 -0800

What a world what a world what a world

By: goneill

goneill — Wed, 30 Jan 2002 14:14:23 -0800

i think that i was invited here by cold chef. si possible? i feel honored, a personal invitation to the legendary 11629?

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Wed, 30 Jan 2002 14:36:52 -0800

Wow, welcome goneill!

By: goneill

goneill — Wed, 30 Jan 2002 14:53:00 -0800

hey miguel, i'm over here... * waves * what's going on - i was in new york, but you hung up on me!

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Wed, 30 Jan 2002 15:42:11 -0800

another girl? Dang, maybe we really are in the women's lav.... (That would explain the poupourri and flowered wallpaper, though....) Good thing, though; you wouldn't want to pull a Tyrone Slothrop in a men's toilet....

By: goneill

goneill — Wed, 30 Jan 2002 17:04:32 -0800

ummm mattpfeff... did you check out my profile, * smiles and turns knowing eye to mattpfeff * can someone please stop me from doing the asterix thing?, please!!! please pretty please...

By: j.edwards

j.edwards — Wed, 30 Jan 2002 17:27:31 -0800

*grabs goneill by the shoulders* Snap out of it! Wake up! It's just some sort of terrible... *looks at own posts* Asterix! Cacaphonix! Hope me!

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Wed, 30 Jan 2002 21:25:55 -0800

Call Getafix quick! Pfeff! Stop reminding me that I can't finish that bloody book.

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Wed, 30 Jan 2002 22:12:29 -0800

. o Now where did I put that recipe for the antigravity potion?

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Wed, 30 Jan 2002 22:16:44 -0800

"These MeFites are crazy."

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 31 Jan 2002 09:15:31 -0800

the dilio here is haikus, and i feel i must pay my dues, but i can't for the life of me determine what my fourth grade teacher, the vermine, taught me about rhyming and wordin'

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 31 Jan 2002 09:21:08 -0800

i need some advice. direct your attention here: yes/no/ maybe so? it regards that cosmic vice that produces pleasure and pain, stability and lame[ness]

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 31 Jan 2002 11:59:43 -0800

Call him an "asshole." I hear that's very romantic in some cultures.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 31 Jan 2002 12:23:41 -0800

When the time comes to tie that old knot You will feel it as if you'd been shot But to compose such an ode In internet code Seems the work of a drunken old sot.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 01 Feb 2002 15:39:57 -0800

Of course, I meant "drunken old sot" in the best way possible, you understand.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Mon, 04 Feb 2002 11:33:09 -0800

I'll just close up here then, shall I?

By: walrus

walrus — Mon, 04 Feb 2002 12:54:25 -0800

Yeah, could you turn off the lights when you go?

By: goneill

goneill — Mon, 04 Feb 2002 19:45:11 -0800

kafkaesque - nobody takes kindly to being called a drunken old sot... not that you called me a drunken old sot, but when you slag one person off like that you could slag anyone off. yes, walrus, even you. but anyway - this all reminds me of something my mother used to say: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. don't you just love a know-it-all lisa simpson wanna be?

By: walrus

walrus — Tue, 05 Feb 2002 01:27:11 -0800

Damnit, you mean I could have been slagged off and I missed it?

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 05 Feb 2002 09:18:07 -0800

Aaaaugh! I was just kidding, in the interest of rhyme making. And I happen to know that Walrus enjoys a little slagging every now and then. So there. Let's all just go and look at some kitties over some chamomile tea.

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Tue, 05 Feb 2002 10:15:27 -0800

in the interest of rhyme making Ah, yes, the infernal rhyme-making interest. It has led many a good man to their unseemly demise. Especially dangerous when mixed with alcohol, I hear. Not that I'm saying Kafkaesque is, say, a drunken old sot, mind you. Nor a good man, for that matter.... (heh heh)

By: walrus

walrus — Tue, 05 Feb 2002 10:53:43 -0800

There are many good reasons for drinking, and one has just entered my head: if a person can't drink while they're living, how the fuck can they drink when they're dead?

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Tue, 05 Feb 2002 12:23:42 -0800

Walrus - what a pity you spoilt your poem with a coarse word, better kept for rugby players and convicts.:( I've noticed it before, this use of four-letter words and sexual innuenda, and it's about time it stopped. It needlessly offends people and heaven knows how a child might react if by chance she logged on and traipsed across one of the fucking things. No but your poem reminded me of a Jewish joke. A shnorrer convinces an uncle to give him some money, saying he hasn't eaten in days. Half an hour later the uncle spots him eating salmon mayonnaise in a swanky restaurant and confronts him angrily. The shnorrer listens patiently, puts down his knife and fork, despairs and says: "Let me get this straight. I can't eat salmon mayonnaise when I don't have any money. And I can't eat salmon mayonnaise when i do. So when the hell am I supposed to eat salmon mayonnaise?"

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 05 Feb 2002 13:15:58 -0800

whew! Got to love those shnorrer jokes. *praying manti*

By: walrus

walrus — Tue, 05 Feb 2002 13:36:14 -0800

Miguel, it's not my poem, but I don't think I ruined it: the original had "man" for "people" (and knowing my girlfriend as I do, that would just be wrong) and "hell", which is obviously some medieval, masochistic concept which I can't get to grips with at all, for "fuck", which I can. Anyway, words are all in the mind. But salmon I can live with ;0)

By: walrus

walrus — Tue, 05 Feb 2002 13:37:02 -0800

person/people

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Tue, 05 Feb 2002 16:56:53 -0800

Walrus - sorry, it was a feeble joke. ;) An extension of Mr K's Let's all just go and look at some kitties over some chamomile tea. Celebrating the new puritanism and all that... As for the poem itself, it's definitely an improvement on the version familiar in expats' pubs here in Portugal.

By: goneill

goneill — Tue, 05 Feb 2002 18:03:15 -0800

yes, mr. k... i'd like to say, for the record that i will never, ever be offended by anything you say. when i wrote "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" and "don't be so mean" i was sort of hitting you back. mlang is indeed a drunken old sot. but he isn't as much of a drunken old sot as i am. and also it rhymed and was funny, but then you were closing up the shop, and i had to say something funny because i felt that i had neglected your funny poem. so i wrote that ( OBVIOUSLY I might add) over the top scolding... but - if you tell me that you were kidding all along then i will really scream. because that is too meta even for here.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 05 Feb 2002 19:22:52 -0800

I vote for goneill as "MetaFilter Employee of the Month." Miguel, hand her the sash and crown. Miguel... Now, Mister!

By: goneill

goneill — Tue, 05 Feb 2002 19:45:25 -0800

miguel, i'm waiting *puts hands on hips and taps foot...*

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Tue, 05 Feb 2002 19:54:45 -0800

Three letters : IRC. One word : Not. (I'm in a grumpy mood today. Sue me.)

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Tue, 05 Feb 2002 20:55:18 -0800

I vote for goneill as "MetaFilter Employee of the Month." BZZZZZT! Sorry, that buffyfilter thread takes her out of the running. Try again next month. :-) And chef, what would the fiancee think of your flirting?

By: mattpfeff

mattpfeff — Tue, 05 Feb 2002 20:56:04 -0800

*sues Stavros*

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Wed, 06 Feb 2002 00:04:31 -0800

*surreptiously hands sash to jpoulos and scarpers*

By: goneill

goneill — Wed, 06 Feb 2002 08:52:50 -0800

and what would MY fiance think of your flirting? (not that i've gotten a ring or anything...) jpoulos: I think that it was the buffyfilter that put me in the running in the first place, you are simply misguided, and stavros is way out to get me. prove me wrong, stavros, prove me wrong. he says he's the wonder chickin, i say that he's a flippin' bird with a beak-like 'tude who seems to be in the mood for a big fat fight with those who would make 11629 a chat room. but stavros you wonder chickin, you don't really need to be pickin' a fight; cause you're right. it's poems tonight* and stars***

By: walrus

walrus — Wed, 06 Feb 2002 09:37:30 -0800

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 06 Feb 2002 11:51:22 -0800

Hey! Speaking of "cock" related violence...

By: mlang

mlang — Wed, 06 Feb 2002 13:00:11 -0800

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 06 Feb 2002 13:05:42 -0800

And chef, what would the fiancee think of your flirting? Don't be silly! My betrothed isn't jealous of MetaFilter as individuals*. She hates you all as a collective. I'm sure many a lonely MeFi Widow/Widower would agree. *okay, she's jealous of Miguel, but that's it...

By: goneill

goneill — Wed, 06 Feb 2002 13:39:27 -0800

i thought i was mefi poster of the month, but now i am left asking the following question: who isn't jealous of miguel?

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 06 Feb 2002 15:55:32 -0800

We'll never reach four hun...oh. Nevermind.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Wed, 06 Feb 2002 18:32:46 -0800

Oh you silly kids. *hugs 11629.

By: goneill

goneill — Wed, 06 Feb 2002 19:15:03 -0800

stavros, i knew i could win you over, * hugs back, and looks very deeply over your shoulder at ColdChef, but in such a way that mlang doesn't see *

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Wed, 06 Feb 2002 23:11:31 -0800

See? It is IRC, silly chicken.

By: walrus

walrus — Thu, 07 Feb 2002 05:09:06 -0800

Important questions should never precede breakfast: IRC on toast?

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 07 Feb 2002 08:54:18 -0800

When preparing eats can't beat a kipper breakfast Simply delightful. If you must add chat remember to rinse out your stinky kipper breath.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 07 Feb 2002 11:48:18 -0800

Morning fish scares me So, let us now praise bacon Yummy breakfast meat

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 07 Feb 2002 14:52:09 -0800

no meat for me it makes me ill i'd rather swallow a protein pill!

By: walrus

walrus — Thu, 07 Feb 2002 15:15:54 -0800

Protein pills are not considered proper pacman pills: we want power!

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 07 Feb 2002 16:32:58 -0800

Ghosts dance on darkness to fall on yellow eater: The Death of Pacman

By: walrus

walrus — Thu, 07 Feb 2002 16:37:47 -0800

Purple ghost coming: dodge around corner and: Blue! wa-wa-wa-wa-ayh

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 07 Feb 2002 16:50:40 -0800

Pac-Man Fever I gotta pocket full of quarters, And I'm headed to the arcade. I don't have a lot of money But I'm bringing everything I've made. I've gotta callus on my finger, And my shoulder's hurtin' too. I'm gonna eat 'em all up, Just as soon as they turn blue. 'Cause I've got Pac-Man Fever Pac-Man Fever It's driving me crazy driving me crazy I've got Pac-Man Fever Pac-Man Fever I'm going out of my mind going out of my mind I've got Pac-Man Fever Pac-Man Fever I'm going out of my mind going out of my mind. I've got all the patterns down, Up until the ninth key. I've got Speedy on my tail, And I know it's either him or me. So I'm heading out the back door, And in the other side. Gonna eat the cherries up, And take 'em all for a ride. Chorus I'm gonna fake it to the left, And move to the right, 'Cause Pokey's too slow, And Blinky's out of sight. Now I've got 'em on the run, And I'm looking for the high score. So it's once around the block, And I'll slide back out the side door. I'm really cookin' now, Eating everything in sight. All my money's gone, So I'll be back tommorow night. Chorus --Bucker & Garcia

By: walrus

walrus — Thu, 07 Feb 2002 17:21:03 -0800

In blank monitor, ghosts of dots and dits remain: pacman forever!

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 07 Feb 2002 17:48:39 -0800

Teary confession: Chef. I have that 45.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 07 Feb 2002 17:50:10 -0800

All else fades to void In the shining cathode light Behold: Pac-Haiku!

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 07 Feb 2002 19:15:07 -0800

Her eyes follow me Azure spirit of regret Sue, you'll be my death.

By: D

Thu, 07 Feb 2002 21:50:13 -0800

Pac Man sees ghosts, sobs Quietly: gotta get off These fucking pills, man!

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 08 Feb 2002 01:10:35 -0800

Rnaka Rnaka Rnak Yumdum deedleum dum dum Shit! hwoop woop woop woop

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 08 Feb 2002 10:22:10 -0800

From the arcade depths Strangest idea ever: Pacman pinball game

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Fri, 08 Feb 2002 11:29:26 -0800

BabyPac was a big part of the cartoon series, if I remember correctly.

By: goneill

goneill — Fri, 08 Feb 2002 14:01:25 -0800

push button and watch them pack, eat ghosts and then attack packman. MS. Packman

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 08 Feb 2002 14:20:36 -0800

Pacman machine weeps For I have abandoned it To play Jungle King

By: goneill

goneill — Fri, 08 Feb 2002 15:07:47 -0800

oh sweet atari we left you for our friend the new nintendo

By: j.edwards

j.edwards — Fri, 08 Feb 2002 16:03:43 -0800

long nights with a Pong long days as well; no sleep, just dreams of ricochet

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 08 Feb 2002 16:21:42 -0800

And in the twilight Lo! We played breakout, combat Even Yar's Revenge We forsook humans For strange spaceman-suited blips: Atari football Massive hype described The craziness that was named Adventure cartridge "bridge thru the top wall" They said. "Grab the dot and run To the secret screen." Dragons fell beneath Our mighty low-res sabres Sweet victory! Even arch Lex Luthor Was nothing to us, as we played at Superman We whispered softly of wild technology: Pitfall Harry lives! We were as gods then Running through graphical fields To scream our new names. But then the dream died We were left out in the cold... holding our joysticks

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 08 Feb 2002 16:50:57 -0800

*wipes tear from eye*

By: goneill

goneill — Fri, 08 Feb 2002 20:47:07 -0800

thankyoukafkaesque. iamhumbled.

By: walrus

walrus — Sat, 09 Feb 2002 03:55:03 -0800

Were dreams electric? Those worlds we created, then conquered (seemed too real)

By: walrus

walrus — Sat, 09 Feb 2002 04:00:15 -0800

ps K that was beautiful - were you using that chili peppers song as inspiration?

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Sat, 09 Feb 2002 13:02:32 -0800

Chili peppers song? Nah. I just dashed it off in a fit of pique. I was, however, listening to a Pogues bootleg...maybe that was it??

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Sat, 09 Feb 2002 22:05:17 -0800

Walrus remembers Possessed computer movie: Andrew McCarthy?

By: walrus

walrus — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 06:20:21 -0800

The song I was thinking of was "Deep Kick", and no: you've got me there.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 10:00:40 -0800

Sorry And I guess it wasn't Andrew McCarthy.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 11:19:54 -0800

Ah, Electric Dreams PC comes between couple Story of my life Pssst! Also notable because the voice of Edgar is played by none other than "Harold and Maude"'s Bud Cort. (who also played "Willi Hitler" in Son of Hitler.)

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 11:46:56 -0800

Don't know if you saw Cort in Pollock, but man did he look creepy.

By: goneill

goneill — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 12:27:15 -0800

bud court AKA bud cox was my dad's best man. i am not lying

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 12:54:02 -0800

Harold and Maude Bud Cort? Now you're my hero. Er, your dad is. Whatever.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 13:30:16 -0800

Yeah? Well, when I was a kid Ruth Gordon built me a treehouse.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 13:41:39 -0800

And she was a hellcat in the sack. But you already know that... (BTW...Mr. Cort serving as the Best Man? I'm gonna need some documentation, if you don't mind--not that I'm calling you a liar, or anything, but...)

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 13:44:04 -0800

then again, why would you make something like that up? ...no...I think I still need proof.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 14:21:39 -0800

Look for the Bud prints in the jell-o.

By: goneill

goneill — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 14:34:16 -0800

he brought a chicken that destroyed the china on the table. he was my dad's best friend growing up in rye new york, where he was on the bowling team, the glee club, and had not lead parts... in school plays with my dad... check the cox part too...

By: goneill

goneill — Tue, 12 Feb 2002 06:34:51 -0800

when i say things, how come nobody talks back. is there something wrong with me? am i out of line here? what's going on?

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 12 Feb 2002 08:44:52 -0800

I Think It May Have Something To Do With You Not Capitalizing The First Letter Of Your Sentences, Which Is A Little Aggravating.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 12 Feb 2002 10:13:28 -0800

when i say things, how come nobody talks back. is there something wrong with me? am i out of line here? what's going on? It's not personal We just need time to absorb Bud and the Chicken

By: goneill

goneill — Tue, 12 Feb 2002 10:51:36 -0800

Sorry Kafkaesque I didn't mean to offend sensibilities

By: goneill

goneill — Tue, 12 Feb 2002 10:52:33 -0800

My father loves chickens Bud brought a rooster to the Wedding, in Ireland

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Tue, 12 Feb 2002 14:01:23 -0800

so far thus I have resisted any urges to attempt haikus because I don't really understand the 5-7-5 syllabic structure and typing this way makes me feel oddly constipated and antsy.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 12 Feb 2002 14:13:16 -0800

Change to folk songs: The tune don't have to be clever And it don't matter if you put a couple of extra syllables into a line It sounds more ethnic if it ain't good english And it don't even gotta rhyme...excuse me: rhyNe. [possibly misquoted from Tom Lehrer]

By: goneill

goneill — Tue, 12 Feb 2002 16:30:52 -0800

But, it's gotta have caps cause Kafks'll be angry if it don't .

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 12 Feb 2002 17:00:37 -0800

Just like that goddam e.e. cummings. Bastard! Seriously, G, it's hard to read a post with no caps or punctuation. If someone is writing a haiku it's kind of poetic license. Or peyotic license, which can be more fun.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 12 Feb 2002 18:29:04 -0800

K's grammar lessons Things we should have learned as kids Next class: adjectives

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Tue, 12 Feb 2002 19:01:17 -0800

hey! i write without capital letters a lot never hurt me none

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 12 Feb 2002 19:25:39 -0800

Your future, jp: Capitals you never used will Show up, very mad. "You left us, foul fiend!" They will scream at you. No-one Will heed your hot tears. Eventually You will have your day in court As a lower case. Be tried for your sins By the vengeful majuscules: Capital offense!

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 12 Feb 2002 21:18:35 -0800

I meant of course, "Capitals you ne'er used will". Damn counting.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 13 Feb 2002 19:25:45 -0800

Every Friday of my Childhood: Blanket on the floor Plate full of french fries and fish Time for the Duke boys

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 13 Feb 2002 19:53:42 -0800

Lawman and outlaw Always one step behind them Rosco P. Coltrane

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Wed, 13 Feb 2002 20:34:34 -0800

Speaking of the Dukes, good ol' Waylon has passed on. "Just two good ole boys..."

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 07:01:01 -0800

Cooter's Lament Daisy was a flirt Though she paid no notice I Had Enos envy

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 09:15:42 -0800

Daisy Duke was just One paycheck from lap dances in Tijuana bar.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 09:16:18 -0800

The star? Jumping car Make no mistake about it The Dukes were filler

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 09:28:54 -0800

Overalls worn out Ride your moonshine to freedom Sweet Uncle Jesse!

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 09:29:52 -0800

Three-piece suit hanging useless in Boss Hogg's closet The phone never rings.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 09:54:19 -0800

A fine mechanic Got rich repairing cop cars Come by Cooter's Place

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 10:52:28 -0800

Them Duke boys can jump anything in that car of theirs. Even sharks: 132, 10/12/84 - "Robot P. Coltrane" Rosco loses his job to a look-alike robot, which is then stolen by thieves planning to frame the ex-sheriff and the Dukes for the robbery of Boss Hogg's bank.

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 11:49:50 -0800

Jumping cars are cool! What were you watching, ColdChef? Simon & Simon?

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 12:08:44 -0800

ColdChef probably Was more of a Riptide guy But I could be wrong.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 12:21:28 -0800

Both guesses are wrong "The A Team" and Nick at Night Captured my eyeballs

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 12:54:59 -0800

oh sweet Sledge Hammer! two seasons of Sledge and Doreau, and a Bud Cort camio! I have to plead poetic license on the whole 575 thing, because it rhymes...

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 13:05:57 -0800

*WHEEEP* Penalty box, goneill! Three days till you can post here again. Hakiu does not allow for "license". Otherwise, it's playing tennis without a net. (BTW, it was only recently that I discovered that goneill was a contraction for your name. I thought it was some kind of homeboy thing us old folks just didn't understand. "Le' me 'lone. I'm gone ill, bro'.")

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 13:18:54 -0800

Just kidding about the ban. I could never do that to my Valentine.

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 14:23:37 -0800

aside: 1. Well, there's a bit of a double entendre, I always snicker upon starting a new job and seeing that my email is goneill 2. How old are you? 3. You know it's homegirl, right? (I'm not evanizer...)

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 15:48:02 -0800

Get a room. Here's a nice one. Older thread, the owners long since moved out. Yours for a song.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 16:18:56 -0800

Wow, that's a pristine thread there K. Looks like very little wear and tear. Did an old lady only use it to drive back and forth to church?

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 16:28:48 -0800

I heard a man died there...

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 16:43:49 -0800

Yes, jp. It was laaate at night. An old bum was camped out in thread #147, keeping himself warm by breaking the tails off the y's and feeding them, one by one, into his makeshift fire. Some say he died, alone and forgotten. Some say he's still there to this day, and if you post a comment there, he'll come and steal your y's and burn them in his grisly altar. *shudder* One thing's for sure, ain't no-one ever spent a night in that thread. And I wouldn't either. Not for love nor money.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 16:44:00 -0800

Well the link still works, the poster is user No.33 and he's a 100-linker. Hasn't posted since the year 2000, though. Probably pissed off nobody commented - it's quite an interesting article. Tdecius - come back before your thread is turned into yet another bordello!

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 16:55:31 -0800

and he's a 100-linker aha, miguel: proof that there is status attributed to FPP(sic)! PLEASE don't tell bunnyfire...

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 18:08:34 -0800

Done, goneill - if you won't tell the PC police about these rude little recordings, just stolen from ykw. My favourite is "My colleague just farted and left the room, the bastard". ;)

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 21:08:42 -0800

Great stuff, Mr. Cardoso. I saw it long ago--"Mah colleeg jez vahted..." has become a catchphrase of mine. Along the lines of "I wanna dip my BALLS in it!"

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 15 Feb 2002 09:39:40 -0800

Smokers of the World Unite My lungs and my choice Gooey chest full of ashes Alive with pleasure Visible breathing Alone outside in the morn Coffee and my cig Dry, raw, flaky skin Sores in corners of my mouth But I look cool, right?

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 15 Feb 2002 12:00:10 -0800

Dry mouth, chalky spit Deep breaths cause whist'ling noises Everyone smokes here Four in the morning Do you talk to the nutjobs Or smoke another? Visiting her folks Polite conversation stops Puffing fills the void

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Fri, 15 Feb 2002 12:41:19 -0800

not a smoker, me yet am much irritated by all those who whine you're dying anyway life is too long to be bored smoke up, smoke away

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Fri, 15 Feb 2002 14:17:14 -0800

my clever haiku may not be totally clear I side with smokers

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 15 Feb 2002 14:22:25 -0800

Loud and clear, Sir Dong Smoking's the ugliest vice You can still enjoy

By: goneill

goneill — Fri, 15 Feb 2002 14:32:31 -0800

Tuberculosis I fear I have it, because my chest hurts; I cough I thought it was croup but I'm told I am too old. a childhood disease. I do not smoke cigs, but my bronchial tubes hurt B.F.'s god is mean.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 15 Feb 2002 15:25:10 -0800

I don't understand Why must you be so unkind to Ben Franklin's god? Myself, it is true, I smoked just Lucky Strike straights for about twelve years Now I fool myself I'm strong-willed, because I switched to healthful filters And only puff on 'em On the weekends, along with eight or ten Guinness But it must be said I'm down from 2 packs a day to one pack a week. I miss the pure smoke of my Gitanes and Gauloises tasty French ciggies.

By: goneill

goneill — Fri, 15 Feb 2002 15:39:05 -0800

ever so often I play poker, and smoke cigars and drink French Cognac

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Fri, 15 Feb 2002 17:08:30 -0800

I will from time to time let go of the wheel and let my car decide no casualties yet but if I should slay per chance hope it's a jogger

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 15 Feb 2002 19:23:03 -0800

Dong_Resin=A God to me

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Fri, 15 Feb 2002 20:30:25 -0800

God approves of your line of thinking, Chef, now put on your Nikes and drink your Kool Aid.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 15 Feb 2002 20:34:04 -0800

Nikes on my feet Top lip is stained cherry red Castration? Say what?!

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Fri, 15 Feb 2002 21:23:18 -0800

I was fourteen when I first smoked cigarettes. I've quit many times since. I no longer smoke, But I've been hooked on that gum for 6 long months now. It costs just as much to chew as it did to smoke. God, how I miss it.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 15 Feb 2002 21:48:23 -0800

It was the late nights Working the hotel graveyard Started my habit

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 15 Feb 2002 23:03:35 -0800

Stole Marlboro Lights From a boss who never knew She stole them herself

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Sun, 17 Feb 2002 09:20:35 -0800

Silent for a day Does my smoking bother you? No weekend poets?

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Sun, 17 Feb 2002 12:07:13 -0800

slight heroin nod trying to type but can't quite ber-muh-muph-zzzzzz-zzzzz

By: y2karl

y2karl — Wed, 20 Feb 2002 01:25:39 -0800

stavrosthewonder chicken ain't exactly so fingerlickin' good

By: y2karl

y2karl — Wed, 20 Feb 2002 01:28:07 -0800

I claim this next post

By: y2karl

y2karl — Wed, 20 Feb 2002 01:28:31 -0800

for my hairs. On my chinny chin chin.

By: y2karl

y2karl — Wed, 20 Feb 2002 01:45:09 -0800

Chicks. hot chicks. Kafkaesque.

By: goneill

goneill — Wed, 20 Feb 2002 07:51:27 -0800

wondering when we come back here to type poems using our fingers

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Wed, 20 Feb 2002 10:06:27 -0800

I cannot believe You still type with fingers. Use any appendage. For great mysticism Type with your pinky toenails They are very Zen Many's the time I Have found just the right word by Using my earlobe. For real clarity though, you can't beat the well placed coccyx hunt and peck.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 20 Feb 2002 11:10:44 -0800

Avoid damp keyboard Swallow your spit before you Tap tap with your tongue

By: dness2

dness2 — Wed, 20 Feb 2002 13:34:08 -0800

pointy and Roman perfectly suited to peck proboscis typing

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 20 Feb 2002 14:04:07 -0800

Mavis won't approve But, if I'm cold and shirtless I can Titty Type

By: ebarker

ebarker — Thu, 21 Feb 2002 10:49:06 -0800

The cat's eaten it. Hovercraft is full of eels. Fetch me shrubbery. Python haiku. Thank you. Tip your waitstaff. *bow*

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 21 Feb 2002 12:44:05 -0800

sssss sssss ssssss squeeze sssss! OHMYGODIT'SGOTMY sssssssssss! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! sssss squeeze pop! -Python Haiku

By: D

Thu, 21 Feb 2002 23:07:27 -0800

Is AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! two syllables?

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 22 Feb 2002 04:46:39 -0800

The sun a hammer the booze a benediction cult thread reclaimed! bad haiku is still wonderchicken happy time dunno why that is..

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 22 Feb 2002 05:06:36 -0800

This is my last post No longer safe for me here Must be on the run I am a hardened criminal.

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Fri, 22 Feb 2002 06:25:30 -0800

Jeez, Chef. WTF?

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 22 Feb 2002 06:35:02 -0800

Die die vandal die! I am way too drunk to know what I'm talkin' 'bout.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 22 Feb 2002 13:42:12 -0800

The swift hand of Matt Swept away the cow thread fun Poems are gone for good *sniff*

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Fri, 22 Feb 2002 15:39:55 -0800

in the dash to find what ails MetaFilter now witch hunt all the rage no, sen. McCarthy I did not crack wise today I don't know who did

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Fri, 22 Feb 2002 18:07:18 -0800

The letters B F used to stand for blogfucker now they stand for shit

By: goneill

goneill — Fri, 22 Feb 2002 18:29:23 -0800

d.r. i've said it before, this loveless meta- filter is no fun. dong_resin makes me laugh, coldChef makes me laugh too not Bunnyfire. things change - matt closed posts whats to be done now? B F is the root. SHUT UP!!! Who made that picture? Did you see it anyway? A tattoo and text. Chins up here! A proof: If god exists then B F was spawned by Satan.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 22 Feb 2002 19:25:02 -0800

Blogfucker empty Alone and bereft we stare Into the abyss. Cow haiku gone. Can eleven six twenty nine Have much time left it? *Hold me*

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Fri, 22 Feb 2002 21:22:10 -0800

Like the page says, K, I promise promise promise it will be back soon. (really, it will. I'm coding the pages as we speak.) When it reopens: free monkeys for everyone. all that you can eat!

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Fri, 22 Feb 2002 22:58:19 -0800

so very human so cuddly and infant like their eyes seem to know the saddest thing is before I eat the monkeys I give them names first

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Sat, 23 Feb 2002 08:45:55 -0800

When eating monkeys Put them in your mouth feet-first Their smiles disappear

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Sat, 23 Feb 2002 09:04:59 -0800

You know who else eats monkeys? Robots eat monkeys.

By: goneill

goneill — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 07:50:01 -0800

Stop eating monkeys ColdChef! Feet first or elsewise! They are relatives

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 07:53:39 -0800

All I know is it's Tuesday and Kafkaesque isn't back yet. I'll never accept that old excuse - batteries for his organ-grinder - again. It seems, after studying the matter, that organ-grinders don't use batteries at all! Why the wily...

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 08:23:07 -0800

Meatloaf again, Mom? I want something different!

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 08:27:06 -0800

Cute little monkey Dance the organ grinder's song Dance, like a champion

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 08:42:36 -0800

Boy bands kiss my ass Happy Birthday, Johnny Cash Raise your whiskey glass

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 08:43:39 -0800

Nasty little ape Doesn't the grinder wash you? You smell like feces

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 08:46:23 -0800

How fucking cool is Johnny Cash? Seriously. For some reason, he's been on my mind recently, and I've been asking everyone I know: How fucking cool is Johnny Cash?

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 09:43:51 -0800

From the link above: In the liner notes to The Essential Johnny Cash, singer Bono of U2 calls Cash "the most male voice in Christendom. Not since John the Baptist has there been a voice like that crying in the wilderness," he writes. "Every man knows he is a sissy compared to Johnny Cash."

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 11:26:23 -0800

Man in black is bad. Once attacked by an ostrich. He survived, thank God. This factoid is brought to you by My Right Honorable Friend Kafkaesque. Please find a way to work this fact into your next party conversation. Example: "Man, these deviled eggs are addictive. Speaking of addictions, did you know that Johnny Cash once developed an addiction to painkillers after being attacked by an ostrich in 1983?"

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 12:35:49 -0800

Damn, chef. That is one of the ugliest, most broken-est sites i've every seen. I especially like the red-text-on-red-background thing. He survived, thank God. All kidding aside, how horrible would it have been for his legacy if the ostrich had killed him. He'd forever be the "country singer who was killed by an ostrich."

By: goneill

goneill — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 12:54:31 -0800

what about the fact that he's 'the country singer who sells electronic bibles on late-night infomercials'?

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 13:16:52 -0800

Hey, what can you say? Johnny loves the Lord. As you have probably have heard, John has ended his touring schedule after 42 years of traveling. Below is a note that John use [sic] to post in his showbook over the years. Hi Folks, Sometimes when I'm standing at that microphone singin' I feel like I could touch all of you I can't see many of your faces with that spotlight in my eyes But I can feel you out there. Performing is communicating And I feel so good When I'm performing a song that your enjoyin' I feel it It's like we are all holdin' hands Or maybe huggin' up a little bit[!!!] I've been writin' songs as long as I can remember And I guess I always will write songs "Cause I can say things in a song That I don't know any other way to say Or maybe sometimes I can get away with otherwise Anyway, we try top give you everything we have in a concert A slice of life A few highs and a few lows We sing it the way we feel it We tell it the way we know it We share things with you That we think you feel It's a supernatural positive force behind it all He is part of it We hope it makes you feel better "Cause it sure makes us feel better Doin' what we love to do JRC

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 14:05:22 -0800

OK. I didn't want to have to come in here, but that's it! No mocking the Man In Black. End of story. This is a guy who's covered Nick Cave, Tom Waits, Leonard Cohen, Glenn Danzig, U2. Hmm that last one's not so cool, but his One is better than theirs any day of the week. And honestly, I used to think the electronic bibles thing was pretty goofy, but Johnny's a man of faith. He preaches through his music, but not to people who don't want to listen. I'm not religious, but I repect his convictions. And at 70, he's probably not the most computer-savvy mammajamma in the world. Since you all enjoyed the ostrich trivia thing so much, here's more: he burned down half of a National Forest in California when his brakes overheated on his trailer. The story's in here somewhere. And as far as "developing an addiction to painkillers" as a result of the ostrich attack? What actually happened was that a friend of his sneaked in some Valium (or something close to it) to his hospital room after the attack, which opened up a huge wound in his belly. He had no place to hide the pills except in the bandages dessing the wound. The capsules seeped into the exposed wound and almost killed him by overdose. By the way, he credits the giant belt buckle he was wearing for having saved him from being killed in that attack. So i guess there is something to be said for big-ass belt buckles. All I can say is Johnny Cash is, if not my favorite, one of my top three favorite artists ever. If you want to ease into a little Cash, try Nick Cave's version of The Folksinger, Social Distortion's cover of Ring of Fire, or pick up any of the three American Recordings albums. After that, you'll be hooked. Live at Folsom Prison and San Quentin will become necessary listening for every road trip ever. And I hope those of you who haven't will still have a chance to see him live. I've seen him three times and loved every second of it. Am I done? Yes. I'm done.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 14:22:45 -0800

No mocking the Man In Black. Ummm. Sorry I misinterpreted the "developing an addiction to painkillers" thing. I think I made that up. Still, I don't think anyone was mocking him. We love Johnny Cash. And we think he's fucking cool. Well, maybe goneill was making fun, but what do we care what she says? She's a girl and thereby incapable of understanding The Man in Black.* *(Darlin', I'm just kidding. You know that I kid because I love.)

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 14:41:32 -0800

I didn't think you were mocking him. I was just screwing around.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 14:44:03 -0800

You're just taking it back because you saw how mean I was to goneill and you were afraid of my fury. It's understandable. I'm a powerhouse of fury.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 15:01:13 -0800

OK Ike. No problem.

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 19:26:25 -0800

True story: I was working as part of a three-person editorial team at a (very) small music magazine in 1994, sharing a small space in a corner of the building with our sister publication, a country music magazine. While we usually listened to our stuff on headphones, occasionally one of us would switch to the speakers, and we'd all share some sounds while we wrote and edited the magazine. Anyway, when the advance copy of "American Recordings" arrived, Dan O., the rock editor, popped it in. He did it almost as a joke, as we had a (friendly) rivalry with our sister publication, and they were always listening to the most awful "new country" dreck imaginable. And so, while we covered all conceivable genres of music in our little book, we held country music in pretty low esteem. About 30 seconds into the first song, at the exact same time, the three of us slowly rose from our seats and looked at each other over the cubicle walls. "Holy shit," one of us said. "Is that Johnny Cash?" "That," said Danny, "is Johnny Fucking Cash."

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 19:51:50 -0800

Meatloaf again, Mom? I want something different ColdChef: am I mad or did you post this to 9622 too too? I was just getting over the knowledge that people in tropical Africa tie monkeys' tails to their heads to make it easier to carry them. Bushmeat, like bukkake, can be taken too far. Kafkaesque: Am I wrong in assuming you and jpoulos have the best musical taste in recorded history? I mean: Cash, Cave, Cohen.... And that's only the letter C. A bit like the letter B in literature: Beckett, Borges, Donald Barthelme! Now you're back, K, allow me to miss eyeballkid and j.edwards, horribly.

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 20:10:54 -0800

Is it possible not to take bukkake too far? I've got to plead nolo contendre on the Leonard Cohen thing. He's one of those guys that I appreciate, but can't really listen to. Like most Canadians, I guess. [rimshot]

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 21:32:11 -0800

Perfection is rare Nature abhors a vacuum So, we have spoilers Bravo, jpoulos.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 22:06:41 -0800

Miguel, email me and we'll set up a music trade, if you're up for it. Anyone else want to join in? I run a random mix-cd swap a couple of times a year on another list...no reason not to do one here too. And jpoulos, my man, just listen to Songs of Love and Hate, specifically Famous Blue Raincoat. I guarantee you will at least like that song.

By: Optamystic

Optamystic — Tue, 26 Feb 2002 22:19:53 -0800

Man, I love that ya'll love Johnny. Not to get too sincere, but it's good to see that there's some damn fine taste floating around these parts.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Wed, 27 Feb 2002 04:31:05 -0800

[thread-ruining post coming up. Please avert gaze.] Yay for the music trade, Kafkaesque! Well, I was over at Grammar Lady a few minutes ago and found this, with no further explanation: "Dear Grammar Lady: Here's a possible answer: Monkeys wore little hats like Curious George when they worked with the Hurdy Gurdy man - a street musician of old. They would take off the hat and hold it out for folks to put money into it. The little hats look similar to the dish now known as "monkey dish." That's one of the most plausible explanations we've had. Too bad there's no documentation." And the result? Do I think about 9622? Do I remember those Curious George porn videos? No, this triggers off an endless mental loop of Donovan's "Hurdy Gurdy Man"(singing songs of looorve...)which now will have to be surgically removed before I go mad.

By: goneill

goneill — Wed, 27 Feb 2002 08:48:07 -0800

WAIT ONE MINUTE. I may be a girl who doesn't want to hear about suicidegirls.com, or the Metafilter boyzone, or is into lots more blah blah blah useless feminist nonsense, but I LOVE JOHNNY CASH. No one, not even you sweetpea (aka coldchef) can take that from me. I'm down for Musical Swap, but I have records, so I won't be much help.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Wed, 27 Feb 2002 09:48:00 -0800

I also have mucho vinyl, but I just swap burned CDs now, as I don't have a record-pressing machine handy and tapes are just annoying and tend to go the way of all flesh. goneill, you can actually burn from LP to CD now, btw. This 45 is one of my more prized possessions: BUG THAT TRIED TO CRAWL AROUND THE WORLD (Johnny Cash) « © '66 House Of Cash » Now you've heard of folks with a lot of ambition But I believe just about the biggest case of ambition I ever saw Was in a bug that I saw crawlin' along the beach one day He was a mighty ambitious bug On the beach one early mornin' as a day was newly dawnin' And the sun again was warmin' all the chill thru'out the land I saw me a bug a walkin' and at first I thought he was quakin' Then I found out he was talkin' while he crawled across the sand He was crawlin' mighty straight at a slow but a steady gait And when I asked him to wait he said oh come on crawl with me But I said where you goin' and he said you'll be knowin' For I'm gonna make a showin' and you'll someday see Well I stood there by the ocean I suddenly had the notion That I start this big promotion so this challenge I unfurled said the bug So I gave my wife a hug and I left my comfy rug So I could be the only bug that ever crawled around the world Well he seemed mighty small and it was a long way to crawl And I'm sure he couldn't swim at all so I try to discourage my friend I said you know the world is round and there's mighty lotta ground And there some water to be found before you reach your journey's end And he said now don't you fret there's problems to be met But I'll make it you can bet and this deed will bring glory to my name You know they said man would never fly now he's soarin' in the sky Cause he had the will to try so let me win my fame So he crawled on out of sight as he sought that splendoured height Neither lookin' left nor right but slowly marchin' toward his goal And my knowin' he had started on his journey as we parted Kept me from feelin' too down hearted for he was a mighty ambitious soul Well I've looked everywhere I've been and seen a lotta bugs since then But not one quite like my little friend when I think of him I'm filled with pride Did he make it I don't know he was crawlin' mighty slow and he had a long way to go And all I can tell you folks is that he tried he sure was an ambitious bug

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Thu, 28 Feb 2002 01:39:37 -0800

What the heck are you guys doing in here? Oh, I see. Well... carry on.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 28 Feb 2002 07:44:50 -0800

Inspirational Globetrotting bug=my hero Must finish novel

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 28 Feb 2002 10:25:12 -0800

So, what's the story with the music trading? I know ColdChef is just bitter about the whole Xmas collection thing, but the rest of you? This is an opportunity to be subject to the musical tastes of your favorite MeFi chums. Imagine the thrill as you unwrap Miguel's CD, only to find 78 minutes of Portuguese Carpenters songs!

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Thu, 28 Feb 2002 10:30:03 -0800

I will GLADLY participate. I tend to put together a mix every couple of months. I just need a swift kick in the ass. Are there rules to this little game?

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 28 Feb 2002 12:54:55 -0800

I know ColdChef is just bitter about the whole Xmas collection thing I poured out my soul for you bastards and what did I get in return? Indifference. And one particular bastard (who will go unnamed) who gave me a false address. Imagine my sadness to get my pitiful little CD back in the mail. It was a slap in the face. Having said that, although I'd love to participate, my musical favorites aren't as "refined" as some of yours and I'd be embarrased if all of you got my mix and laughed at me. I have inferiority issues. Ah, what the fuck. Okay. I'm in. You fuckers are getting a bunch of Texas/Louisiana music.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 28 Feb 2002 13:02:54 -0800

Of course, it's going to be very expensive to buy all those extra copies of our albums, which will be necessary, because (as we all know) stealing is wrong.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Thu, 28 Feb 2002 13:47:52 -0800

HOPE ADMINISTRATOR! whats BUY please?

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 28 Feb 2002 13:54:28 -0800

I love you all very much. Can I come too [That wasn't an actual dig at the Portuguese version of the Carpenter's Greatest Hits, was it?]

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 28 Feb 2002 14:11:58 -0800

Well... This is how it goes. Everyone email me your snail mail addresses and I'll put together the list of addresses, email it to everyone (I'm thinking we've got maybe five players here, so this means burning 5 copies). You make a mix CD of whatever you want and mail it to each other person. This way you burn 5 CDs, and get back 5 other CDs. The only rule I usually have is not to burn an entire studio album. I think it's always the most fun to make a compilation. And CDs only. No tapes. Oh and include song/artist list.

By: walrus

walrus — Thu, 28 Feb 2002 14:48:54 -0800

Kafka, mix-meister, pulling CDs out of thread: run free, little tunes. Winged bird overhead casts eagle eye on mayhem, soars on regardless.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 28 Feb 2002 14:58:19 -0800

Mix cds are fun Music brings us all closer. Hope you like ABBA

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 28 Feb 2002 19:52:39 -0800

Walrus, sage and wise Can I not tempt you to add Your tusks to the fray? Everyone knows The pinnaped delights in Al forms of music

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 01 Mar 2002 00:50:03 -0800

All.

By: walrus

walrus — Fri, 01 Mar 2002 12:01:36 -0800

Prepared just for you: epiclectic panoply of tuskular sounds. Just hope it doesn't cause any small animals to scarper, in fear.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Sun, 03 Mar 2002 09:28:06 -0800

No Portuguese Carpenters, I'm afraid - but Japanese dwarf music may well feature heavily. Hi ho!

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Sun, 03 Mar 2002 09:29:53 -0800

Yes, that was a Segway.

By: walrus

walrus — Mon, 04 Mar 2002 08:14:26 -0800

Thread death predicted! Collect the stray haikus quick, and bag 'em all up. Harvest the onions, grab turkeys by scrawny necks, and ditch the fuckers. Scrub thread, throw out crap, and hone down to summary: onion stinks, now go home.

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Mon, 04 Mar 2002 11:41:04 -0800

We need a ruling on this. Machaus' comment indicates that a thread is only "dead" if no one has commented for a month.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Wed, 06 Mar 2002 19:11:04 -0800

See what happens when I don't drop in on a thread for a while? You guys move around quick. It's like trying to find a club different nights of the week in Hollywood. I missed the chance to mention my personal favorite Johnny Cash song: Delia's Gone. I know it's not old school Cash. But then was there ever a period where he wasn't the man?

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Wed, 06 Mar 2002 22:51:47 -0800

Always was, always will be, amigo. Especially when doing voiceovers for Stetson commericals. New album is supposed to be just about ready. w00t!

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 07 Mar 2002 07:07:45 -0800

Speaking of albums...I'm ready to start burning CDs. Is everyone in? Are we going to do this music swapping dealie? Miguel? Are we going to be seeing a contribution from you? or are you too busy hanging out at Portugal's hippest, hottest music venue? I'm going to blow you bastards away with my all Canadian Throat Singing tribute to Willie Nelson.

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 07 Mar 2002 08:44:32 -0800

Tuva.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 07 Mar 2002 08:48:35 -0800

I'll send out the list of addresses by the end of the week (possibly even today). Everyone will have to burn abut 6 CDs, which I hope is not too much, and a couple of the participants are overseas...so there will be some hot postage action. I'd like for everyone to burn and send within 2 weeks, so we can all have our little gifties at relatively the same time. Then, we can all synch up Miguel's compilation with The Wizard of Oz and have a global freakout, man. I am sadly behind in my CD burning backlog, but I will endeavor to get everything done and sent in time.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Thu, 07 Mar 2002 21:36:12 -0800

I itch to play along as I always love a peek at other people's taste, but I know I'd never once manage to get anything actually mailed out on time. A lifetime of dead plants and goldfish have taught me well.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Thu, 07 Mar 2002 21:43:16 -0800

I'm guessing you lot likely have all the Stryper records you might need, anyway.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 02:26:35 -0800

dong_resin: Don't be that way! Who wants your CD anyway? You can always send flowers or something later. ;) ColdChef: The Hard Rock Café, right! I had my fingers crossed for Planet Hollywood, but still. All that matters is that next year *commences swooning* we're getting a MacDonalds and a Portuguese-language version of the Readers' Digest! I want to include musical versions of these landmarks on my first CD. It's either that or a very cool compilation on my word-for-the-week, "burn"(I looked it up!). You know, "Light My Fire", Arthur Lee's "Fire", Three Dog Night's "Burnin' For Your Love..." Eez good idea, nó? Oh and I have received The List Of Seven. Thanks, Kafkaesque! The A-List can go fuck itself from now on, so far as I'm concerned. They don't know the meaning of the word elite.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 05:59:59 -0800

I'd just like to take the opportunity to wish our dear friend Kafkaesque a very happy MetaFilter birthday. How does it feel to be one year old?

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 07:44:56 -0800

That was my 1000th MetaFilter post, by the way...

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 07:58:14 -0800

It's sweet you spent it on the DiskMeister. And 1001 you had to yourself, which is also nice. But how are you going to spend 1002? Don't freeze, ColdChef! ;)

By: goneill

goneill — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 08:00:00 -0800

Awwww, congrats Kafkaesque and ColdChef. Miguel, you are supposed to say, "I really don't see The List Of Seven thing, I mean, yes, we are seven friends, but The List Of Seven doesn't exist. It's just an antiquated form of her worship, nobody is trying to exclude anyone from The List Of Seven, it's just kind of came about that way. I write for myself, not for the accolades that the public keeps heaping on me"

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 08:57:26 -0800

You're absolutely right, goneill. I'm so glad you finally stood up and spelled it out. It's just we get so much aggravation from the non-Sevens, you know, bitching about how we all keep linking to each other and shut everybody else out. Frankly, I'm sick of the accusations too. Just leave it alone! When will they understand we're just regular schmucks who hang out together, not because we're more talented or have cooler CDs to burn, or religiously share our real addresses, or love each other dearly, or will never allow anybody even understand what we're talking about here, but just, well...because. ;) Altogether now: Jeez, I don't even know what the List of Seven is!

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 09:01:46 -0800

The Lucky Seven. The Seven Samurai. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. My cd is finished (I've made so many comp cds that dropping in the archived MP3's was a snap). I hope the rest of you like a little C+C Music Factory with your N' Sync. I expect a weekend of burning images and printing labels and will be torturing you all with a murderous soundscape within the week (or longer if you reside "over the pond")

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 09:12:00 -0800

Hey thanks for the MeFi birthday wish, folks. This year I promise to wear more plaid, and to grope more strangers in crowds. Um. I mean less groping of strangers in crowds. I also proclaim Kafkaesque Year Two to be the Year of the Flying Lemur. Let the cry ring from north to south: "I LOVE FLYING LEMURS!" And Meester Dong, if you want to join up in the CD Hootenanny of Love, just email me your snail mail address, and laissez les bon temps roulez, as it were. And as far as this Seven thing: 1 - There's only 7 of us doofi because no-one else is even vaguely interested. and B - can I be Sloth?

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 09:32:34 -0800

There's only 7 of us doofi because no-one else is even vaguely interested. Shhh! 'Cos even we 7 couldn't really give a shit. Apart from eyeballkid, that is, who's just confessed to spending the last few days doing nothing else. [endless child-like laughing and finger-pointing]

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 09:46:59 -0800

Dibs on Gluttony!

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 09:49:16 -0800

Dibs on Pride!

By: goneill

goneill — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 10:17:29 -0800

Dibs on um... what are the seven deadly sins again? *pause while I google* ENVY!

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 10:18:14 -0800

You like spaghetti, Chef?

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 10:43:11 -0800

Who else thinks the chick should get Lust? (or am I just projecting?) Oh, and I make that dude in the movie look slim by comparison.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 10:51:38 -0800

Lilian Lust, the babe with the bust?

By: goneill

goneill — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 11:19:36 -0800

chick? WHO ARE YOU CALLING CHICK... I look a lot like Lilian by the way, thanks K

By: walrus

walrus — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 11:39:07 -0800

Seven sins? Shit. The magnificent seven, in CD heaven.

By: walrus

walrus — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 11:41:16 -0800

Argh I dropped a syllable. Try: Seven sins? Bullshit. etc.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 11:44:15 -0800

Thanks Miguel. Just one more reminder that I'm a lonley lonely loser. I hope you're happy! *finds corner of 11629 and cries... what's this... hey... a whole case of beer nuts... man I love this country.... mmmmmmm beer nuts........* [I just had the suddent realization that Matt has taken away our <font> tags, only <small> works now]

By: goneill

goneill — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 12:05:15 -0800

It's Harder to post. Matt has created prison. Now without font tags! i'm scared

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 13:04:45 -0800

Oh shite I forgot our good friend Walrus! Look for a new email coming to an inbox near you and yours.

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 13:14:54 -0800

I, too, hope that the Donger will join us, but can we still remain the "List of Seven"?

By: goneill

goneill — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 13:42:41 -0800

of course, that makes it all the more mysterious...

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 13:50:09 -0800

Yeah! As no one will know, once we're eleven or fifty, who the List Of Seven really are... Perhaps we should write it down while we still know...

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 13:51:20 -0800

Well, technically we would be the Eight, with Walrus. Maybe the Eight Aphids...with Donger we'd be the Nine Nincompoops or something.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 13:57:22 -0800

And honestly, I am repelled by notions of a list or anything like that. Bah! I poop on your list.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 14:21:46 -0800

Well, it was a pleasant way of reaching 600.

By: goneill

goneill — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 14:29:25 -0800

Curse Miguel for pointing it out before I could. Let the wrath of Envy and Lust er, do something really bad to you... I don't know why everyone keeps talking about a list. There really was never such a thing as THE LIST OF SEVEN. I mean, its so obviously a ploy to separate us, from the others. People have a need to look up to others, hence, THE LIST OF SEVEN. There is no club, no list, no nothing. THE LIST OF SEVEN is a myth.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 14:47:31 -0800

Your banter is grating upon me. Remember, you are at the mercy of my CD burner, amigo.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 14:50:25 -0800

Also, I have now sent out the New! Improved! ~now with added Walrus!~ address list. Bring it on!

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 14:57:58 -0800

I gotta send TWO cd's overseas? Can't I just send em both to the Walrus and then let Miguel drop by his house and pick it up? How big is this "Europe" anyways?

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 15:06:20 -0800

Europe's pretty small. Just address the envelope "Miguel, Europe" I think once it gets to France, it can just ask.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 16:51:08 -0800

What if I just paste Miguel's picture on the envelope? Will that work?

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 08 Mar 2002 19:01:41 -0800

Why not use The Miguel Signal? Just shine it at the clouds and the magic goblins will spirit your missive to Don Miguel in his Secret Land of Dance, Portugal.

By: tj

tj — Mon, 11 Mar 2002 10:53:39 -0800

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Mon, 11 Mar 2002 11:08:46 -0800

Hey, who's that gobshite in my ice cream?

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 12 Mar 2002 09:24:01 -0800

Not fudge, not sprinkles That gobshite in my ice cream Better be low fat

By: goneill

goneill — Tue, 12 Mar 2002 10:30:57 -0800

Syllable counting As practiced by many here could be a disease.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 12 Mar 2002 14:23:21 -0800

Sometimes, the best lines Are the ones that have a few more syllables, give or take, Than they really should.

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Tue, 12 Mar 2002 16:50:02 -0800

One one six two nine Eleven six twenty-nine One sixteen two nine

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 12 Mar 2002 17:58:25 -0800

sis boom bah!

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Tue, 12 Mar 2002 19:19:56 -0800

Rikki-Tikki-Tavi!

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 12 Mar 2002 20:25:12 -0800

In A Gadda Da Vida!

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 12 Mar 2002 20:25:55 -0800

Una Paluma Blanca! I'm just a bird in the sky And no-one can take My freedom away!

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Wed, 13 Mar 2002 06:12:50 -0800

Doo wah diddy diddy-dum diddy-doo.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Wed, 13 Mar 2002 09:05:59 -0800

Riding along in my automobile My baby beside me at the wheel Cruising and playing the radio With no particular place to go. I like this. It's like karaoke word association.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Wed, 13 Mar 2002 16:40:55 -0800

Tra-la-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Wed, 13 Mar 2002 16:52:47 -0800

Get higher baby. Get higher baby. get higher baby. Don't you never come down! *Freebase!* White line Goin through my mind

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 13 Mar 2002 17:24:05 -0800

I'm halfway through burning my cds. Going to the post office tomorrow. Miguel, I'm putting an extra track on your cd. I'm thinking maybe..."Thank Heaven for Little Girls."

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Wed, 13 Mar 2002 18:37:02 -0800

I finished mine this weekend. I'm too lazy to get to the PO. can I just send you guys a playlist? (I've got a Miguel Specific Song as well... I guess it couldn't be helped)

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Wed, 13 Mar 2002 18:43:35 -0800

What about "Mother and Child Reunion"? Or "Teach Your Children Well"? Could you fit those in as well, ColdChef?

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Wed, 13 Mar 2002 18:49:31 -0800

Eyeballkid: that cheered me up no end! I see it mentions the beer but not the ... I guess I'll have to give up hope on those as well, if you're too lazy to go to the PO. Perhaps you could send me the description of contents from any loose packets you have lying around?

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 15 Mar 2002 06:39:30 -0800

CD approaches Carried by angry postmen Can you be "grunteled?"

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 15 Mar 2002 06:44:56 -0800

On a practical note, while I got out of the post office paying only around fifteen bucks or so, (and only two flesh wounds) I fear for the load of postage our European pals may have to shell out big time. So, let me make this offer: if either of you fine fellows would rather, you can send all of your cds to me and I'll disperse them stateside. I assume that this would be cheaper, but this is based on nothing more than a guess. Let me know if you want me to be your go between.

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Fri, 15 Mar 2002 07:34:25 -0800

I hope to send my discs out monday. i mention this only so that information will be public. i hope to use the power of guilt to motivate myself to put them together this weekend. Who likes Pat Boone!!!!

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 15 Mar 2002 08:41:13 -0800

I have finished my burning (my burning of CDs anyway), and shall hopefully mail my little bundles of joy out today.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Fri, 15 Mar 2002 08:49:00 -0800

ColdChef - you are too generous. Honestly. I'm still trying to figure out what I have to buy to "burn" a CD and how I can rig it up to my CD player, Yes, go ahead and laugh but at least my CD will be "burned" by hand, from proper CDs, with none of that MP3 or whatever it is rubbish. Push me and you'll get vinyl as one of my best friends owns a pressing plant. :)

By: goneill

goneill — Fri, 15 Mar 2002 10:06:44 -0800

please make me a mixed record miguel - i've never gotten one before. PLEASE!!!

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 15 Mar 2002 12:10:39 -0800

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 15 Mar 2002 12:13:12 -0800

I did not consider the possiblity that one among is might not be CD-capable. Mig my man, you need a CD-R drive for your puter. But don't buy one just to do this, if you don't already have one. Alternately, they have CD-Writers that are stereo components, though I haven't figured out why you'd want one unless you have money you need to destroy forever.

By: goneill

goneill — Fri, 15 Mar 2002 12:33:25 -0800

mixed-vinyl!!! mixed-vinyl!!! mixed-vinyl!!! PLEASE!!!!

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Sat, 16 Mar 2002 09:09:35 -0800

YEEEEE-HAAAWWW! I just got me Cold Chef's mix, and whoooo boy I'm as happy as a sow in a slop factory! Great stuff, Chef, thanks. I'm only 3 tracks into it, but I love it already. And in case you were worried, there's no chance of any overlap between your mix and mine. :-)

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Sat, 16 Mar 2002 09:20:52 -0800

DAMN! You know, we joke about the postal service and all that, but across the country in one day for less than the price of a happy meal? Mad Props to our Postal brothers and sistas!

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Sat, 16 Mar 2002 12:42:21 -0800

Whaddya mean, ColdChef? I'm still cooling my heels here. You didn't send it by standard post, did you, you mean bastard? Thanks for the tips, Kafkaesque. I have a few nifty nephews who'll come round with the equipment, I hope. Otherwise I'll send you all a wonderful CD I'd like you all to hear and which you've most probably only heard about. Let me know if you already have it. And don't kermit on me - it might sound awful, but it's wonderful. As I chose the tracks and wrote the notes, that should be personal involvement enough for now, until I get organized with the burning gear. Now to impress you and try to win you back, after all the cruel laughter : I got an e-mail today, out of the blue, from Leonard Cohen. It reads: "still around?". That's what I'm going to call my first compilation for you guys.* *Goneill - I hope I'm not wrong in thinking "guys", in contexts like this one, includes gals.

By: walrus

walrus — Sat, 16 Mar 2002 14:02:26 -0800

I've burned 'em all. Expect packages whenever they arrive. Thanks for the offer ColdChef, but I can cover the postage.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Sat, 16 Mar 2002 14:19:44 -0800

Cold Chef: I've been listening to some of these folks lately (I just discovered Steve Earle, and of course, there's always Willy and Emmylou). It fits right into my rotation. Awesome. Thanks. Mine went out yesterday. I was told US within the next few days, overseas, within the week.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Sat, 16 Mar 2002 14:25:54 -0800

*grabs arm, grimacing at the pain of cardiac arrest, such is the surprise, muttering: eyeballkid not only made it to the PO he's probably included a packet of beer nuts to make amends for all the aggravation.*

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Sat, 16 Mar 2002 15:04:43 -0800

aggravation? why my dear Miguel, have I caused you to fret? (sorry, no beer nuts... though i wish i would have thought of it... /me kicks self)

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Sat, 16 Mar 2002 15:16:43 -0800

That shall be my first and only tattoo: No beer nuts. :(

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Sat, 16 Mar 2002 17:35:15 -0800

Can we just call you "No nuts" for short? Oh, and my discs will go out Monday.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Sun, 17 Mar 2002 10:44:13 -0800

You must have a great chiropractor to know that so specifically, Kafka. Do Ozzy Osbourne's spawn suffer from down's syndrome? They don't seem quite right I wouldn't notice, but I can't turn the tee vee on free from their blank stares You'd think such great wealth could get the daughter to stop with the shih-tzu face.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Sun, 17 Mar 2002 11:10:49 -0800

Son wields a large knife Daughter burns up the teapot "You're all fucking mad!"

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Sun, 17 Mar 2002 12:02:21 -0800

You'd think that the son could parlay his heritage into some fine tail

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Sun, 17 Mar 2002 13:07:00 -0800

Grace before dinner: "Fucking thanks for fucking food. Mad fucking amen."

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Sun, 17 Mar 2002 13:10:32 -0800

"No smoking. No drugs." Health advice from a man who Bites heads off of bats.

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Sun, 17 Mar 2002 20:56:22 -0800

When I'm 98 I hope I'm as quick as Oz. But not at 50. :-)

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Mon, 18 Mar 2002 04:59:30 -0800

Son's non sequitur "I'm an ass kicking fat kid!" Confuses Ozzy.

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Mon, 18 Mar 2002 06:22:13 -0800

How does she not know It's an electric kettle? Leave it off the gas!

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Mon, 18 Mar 2002 06:25:13 -0800

Bulldog feels left out Everyone loves the yipper Takes a massive dump

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Mon, 18 Mar 2002 06:26:17 -0800

Ozzy makes a joke But no one seems to listen "See ya tamara!"

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Mon, 18 Mar 2002 06:48:32 -0800

Loud, screaming household But which is more annoying: Mom or yapping dog? Kelly's thong panties Sharing her yeast infection (She shares way too much)

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Mon, 18 Mar 2002 06:58:26 -0800

Jack has mom worried "He has problems making friends." Hmmm. I can see why...

By: walrus

walrus — Mon, 18 Mar 2002 07:10:21 -0800

Haven't seen this tv disaster you're all referring to, but Ozzy is apparently one of the funniest blokes around, to sit and sup a pint of mild with. A real Brummie.

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Mon, 18 Mar 2002 07:23:53 -0800

He is really one of the most likable people on TV right now. A big part of that is because no one wants to shit on the "retarded kid"--which is literally what he is (he thinks and moves very slowly these days). But he's also coming of as a genuinely caring person. I despise reality television--and I hardly ever watch any TV at all during baseball's off-season--but this show makes me piss myself. (A weak bladder is one of the side effects of hanging with the Oz, apparently.)

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Mon, 18 Mar 2002 09:25:06 -0800

*I don't even own an MTV* How cool is that?

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Mon, 18 Mar 2002 10:23:33 -0800

*Points and screeches like Donald Sutherland at the end of Invasion Of The Body Snatchers* Soon you will, my pretty.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Mon, 18 Mar 2002 17:54:39 -0800

We must repent now! Return to the Haiku form While there is still time!

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 08:37:21 -0800

Redneck Haiku IMPOUNDED Sixty-five dollars And cyclone fence keeps me from My El Camino GATHERING In early morning mist Mama searches Circle K for Moon Pies and Red Man

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 08:42:34 -0800

I would sell my soul for one goddam little tin of sweet skoal bandits

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 08:48:39 -0800

If they don't have it Then you really don't need it Dollar Gen'rul Store Flip-flops on the left Fam'ly portraits on the right Macy's of the sticks

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 09:12:43 -0800

Yes, we're cousins. Twelve is eighty-four in dog years. Don't bleed on muh vinyl.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 09:14:08 -0800

These stores indicate Quality of neighborhood Cheaper means beware! On nearby mean streets "98 cent store" exists Merchandise of doom!

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 09:18:41 -0800

Apologies. I really shouldn't post here before lunch.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 09:18:59 -0800

Junkyard Dog. Ric Flair. Hulk Hogan's New World Order Wrestling Nostalgia

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 09:42:45 -0800

Forbidden cousins? Yes. One of god's cruelest jokes. "Killer" still gets crap. (note: tour includes "Killer's Kar Kollection")

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 09:58:13 -0800

Killer was part of Million Dollar Quartet: music history! Jerry sat in with greats Perkins, Presley and Cash: amazing combo!

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 10:19:42 -0800

My farm is lonely. Lady-folk are few and far. Reverse this process?

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 10:39:46 -0800

The Nature Boy's a kiss-stealing, wheeling-dealin son of a gun. Wooooo!

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 13:00:31 -0800

So, twice in two days My haiku skillz have been slammed. Hanging up my quill.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 13:17:20 -0800

No! Great not warm Chef Haiku will not stand the loss of the new Basho.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 13:25:43 -0800

Anything but Elvis. Great black slave underculture Now safe for Whitey.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 13:28:48 -0800

Poem-y goodness Too silly for most people In here's fine for me

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 13:52:20 -0800

All has been returned to its correct place and thread here in Haiku land.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 18:59:54 -0800

I fear for our trade swelling masses congregate they are on to us

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 20:12:47 -0800

I beg forgiveness For letting slip our secret And breaking your trust

By: donkeymon

donkeymon — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 21:02:21 -0800

Scurvy plot revealed How might this thread continue? CDs shut me up.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 19 Mar 2002 21:14:35 -0800

Jamaican donkey Blackmailing us for music? Quick! Slip him a disc

By: walrus

walrus — Wed, 20 Mar 2002 05:52:43 -0800

Ouch. Slipping a disc can be painful: remember, spines not for bending.

By: donkeymon

donkeymon — Wed, 20 Mar 2002 07:39:48 -0800

Oh my friggin' spine! Lay off with the crowbar sir; Tunes are all I need. Wait, I take that back. A decent chiropractor Would be great right now.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 20 Mar 2002 08:43:34 -0800

Woman sought in high-heel beating Man cheats on his wife with her best friend. Wife beats her best friend with a high heel shoe. And now, the same article in haiku form: My birthday is near Twenty four years on this earth Gave my spouse the boot John's in the doghouse So, where will he spend the night? Hey, look! Shannon's home! Where were you last night? Our wedded bed was lonely Is that Shannon's robe? Sleeping peacefully In Eagle Lake Trailer Park Shoeless feet approach Face pounded by heels My mouth full of screams and the Taste of Dr. Scholl's A shoe beating's bad But if you want to talk pain John's ass holds left shoe

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Wed, 20 Mar 2002 10:31:09 -0800

Chef, that was spectacular. You know what you should do? Set up an all-haiku news site. Present the day's top stories in 5-7-5.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 20 Mar 2002 10:41:29 -0800

Here's a great site that does just that. Well, she USED to write haikus of the news, but most of them are of the more "personal" nature now. Hmmm. Maybe I should just steal her idea outright. I've been wanting to make my own place on the web... Dammit. Here's another.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 20 Mar 2002 10:56:32 -0800

Wow. The ones on Headline Haikus are written by a computer using Perl.

By: walrus

walrus — Wed, 20 Mar 2002 11:16:25 -0800

Set up an all-haiku [...] site. 11629.org is still available ...

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Wed, 20 Mar 2002 12:11:58 -0800

How easy it is To take ColdChef any day Over a computer

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Wed, 20 Mar 2002 12:57:46 -0800

Have I ever told you guys that I've never had an original idea in my life? Seriously. My subconcious is so friggin' active that everything that bubbles up to the surface has its roots in something I've seen or read somewhere else. When I used to write songs in high school, after I'd finished one, I'd play a little game. I'd look at the chords and melody and try to figure out what song I'd unconciously ripped off. It usually didn't take long to find it. Anyway, my discs are in the mail. By pure happenstance, one of the tracks I chose also appears on eyeballkid's mix. Although I made the mix before I saw EBK's, I'm sure that, somehow, my subconcious stole the idea. :-)

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Wed, 20 Mar 2002 14:52:42 -0800

I'm going to go all psychic on you and guess that the double track is Death Cab For Cutie. Do I win something? And look out Chef! Miguel wants to take you over a computer.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 20 Mar 2002 15:38:53 -0800

Eeek! Miguel's strong rough hands Bid me over to his desk Can't we just be friends?

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Wed, 20 Mar 2002 18:48:13 -0800

Oh no, I meant I'd always prefer his haikus To a computer's. Though if I were gay There would be no other Besides him. This is what I mean By posting Portuguese records Instead of burning, By the way.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Thu, 21 Mar 2002 08:57:16 -0800

WOW! - I received ColdChef's and eyeballkid's CDs this morning! My wife came in when I was listening to CC's excellent selection(I had no idea you could play these things on one's regular player; I thought it was only for that little drawer on the computer)and went "Wow!" too. Imagine a snobbish, highbrow, beautiful Portuguese girl, who's never heard Texan music before, being completely won over by it. She poked her head in and said "Well, if this is country music, I love it." The result: We've heard nothing else all day. And I get to stay on MetaFilter an extra hour a day! I expect the neighbours to knock on the door asking for a copy any moment now. Do they accept Portuguese immigrants in Texas? Eyeballkid's CD, which I'm saving for tonight, looks very impressive too. Thanks guys - you made ne cry, honestly. Like old jpoulos calling us friends on the front page CD thread. Mine go out on Monday. You Americans - you pretend to be all cool and hard-hearted but you're just big softies like the rest of us. Only you're better at it. God bless you your pink little socks, the lot of you! *sob*

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Thu, 21 Mar 2002 09:00:40 -0800

[Typos medically attributed to excessive emotion. Willie Nelson's Valentine did it to me!]

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 21 Mar 2002 09:33:58 -0800

oh miguel, I'm on a business trip, so I look very silly crying now in front of these people that I just met... since I am still away I haven't mailed mine yet, please be patient as I think of the CD with every free waking moment. Eyeballkid has two of the same artists as me and I hate him for it.

By: walrus

walrus — Thu, 21 Mar 2002 09:42:06 -0800

Having now listened to ColdChef and eyeballkid's superb mixes, I am concerned about the sanity of mine. In my defence, I tried to relate it to the thread, but who would have known there were so few songs with five or seven beats to the bar? My printer is duff, so I'll email you the tracklist. Should I do that right away, or make you all wait until you've heard it first, I wonder? Decisions, decisions ...

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 21 Mar 2002 09:57:24 -0800

Buncha crybabies. weeping sad crocodile tears: Need MetaTissue?

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Thu, 21 Mar 2002 10:54:03 -0800

Goneill: he's good, that ColdChef, isn't he? Heartstrings Guy if ever I knew of such a soul. When he writes his defining screenplay, E.T., by comparison, will seem like The Fight Club. We've joked about his feminine side. Well no more! the truth is the man records and writes, hee hee, for couples. Oh come on, Uncle K! I bet Max cries less than you. Eyeballkid's CD, which I've just started listening to, is feckin' art, man! I knew he couldn't be trusted. Obscure Japanese and German tracks and no beer nuts or note saying "Hi Miguel!" in his own handwriting. Maria João said: "ColdChef's CD is sweet but this guy knows!" Well, knowledge is waaay over-rated, boyo! :) [If Goneill's CD has no Mary Margaret O'Hara and Walrus's CD has no Linton Kwezi Johnson I may well kill myself online.] Oh: And we'll never reach 700.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 21 Mar 2002 10:57:29 -0800

I open the door wide: Who will grace us with a brief epochal haiku?

By: walrus

walrus — Thu, 21 Mar 2002 12:51:30 -0800

So, seven hundred is now past and forgotten. Can the thread reach eight?

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Thu, 21 Mar 2002 21:28:37 -0800

I'm teaching tonight a group of jackass morons dumber than monkeys

By: walrus

walrus — Fri, 22 Mar 2002 00:54:02 -0800

There's some defending the idea that monkeys are not all that dumb. Simple existence might end up a lot more fun with no bills to pay.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Fri, 22 Mar 2002 02:55:24 -0800

which of us can say what tastes in life are better ticks on your mate's back

By: goneill

goneill — Fri, 22 Mar 2002 08:31:32 -0800

so... back to records: coldChef didn't say hi to me... oh hmpf sigh Chef?

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 22 Mar 2002 13:39:33 -0800

Poor Texan ColdChef, Yes, hell hath no fury like A stranger scorned. you know, scorn-ed. ask our good buddy Leonard Cohen, who has ow-unhed up to a few syllabic stretches in his time. Oh hell, here's a whole song. I just love Leonard. He's like a breath of angst on a warm day filled with singing birds that are about to die. Let's Sing Another Song, Boys (Let's sing another song, boys, this one has grow-unh old and bitter.) Ah his fingernails, I see they're broken, his ships they're all on fire. The moneylender's lovely little daughter ah, she's eaten, she's eaten with desire. She spies him through the glasses from the pawnshops of her wicked father. She hails him with a microphone that some poor singer, just like me, had to leave her. She tempts him with a clarinet, she waves a Nazi dagger. She finds him lying in a heap; she wants to be his woman. He says, "Yes, I might go to sleep but kindly leave, leave the future, leave it open." He stands where it is steep, oh I guess he thinks that he's the very first one, his hand upon his leather belt now like it was the wheel of some big ocean liner. And she will learn to touch herself so well as all the sails burn down like paper. And he has lit the chain of his famous cigarillo. Ah, they'll never, they'll never ever reach the moon, at least not the one that we're after; it's floating broken on the open sea, look out there, my friends, and it carries no survivors. But lets leave these lovers wondering why they cannot have each other, and let's sing another song, boys, this one has grow-unn old and bitter. ----- which of course leads me to Giant Sand (included on Kafkaesque's Songs for Cartoonish Monkeys), whose "Satellite" includes the noble passage: You can get Leonard Nimoy To play the part of Leonard Cohen Singin the songs you Already....ow-uhned.

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Fri, 22 Mar 2002 14:14:53 -0800

One thing I noticed about your CD, Mr. K, is that big Leonard Cohen streak running through it. It made me want to run out and pick some up.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Sat, 23 Mar 2002 12:16:36 -0800

odd Canadian voice like shoes in a dryer background like Yanni

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Sat, 23 Mar 2002 17:57:32 -0800

Whatever, donger Listen to more songs, maybe, Before your judgment. This is another way Of saying opinions Are just like assholes

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Sat, 23 Mar 2002 19:23:27 -0800

only with a truth only with unwelcome truth such defensiveness (Actually, I kind of like Leonard Cohen, but I still think my description is apt.)

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Sun, 24 Mar 2002 11:18:29 -0800

You may be right in Assessment of later songs But not the first ones. Indeed, you spoke truth. I was punched in the gut by Taxman yesterday. Apologies for pettiness. It never does become anyone.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Sun, 24 Mar 2002 12:10:53 -0800

speaking of pettiness April is Schadenfreude Month for we who are broke

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Sun, 24 Mar 2002 14:14:31 -0800

Uh, the bonus syllable is yours to keep, although I wouldn't decare it if I were you.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Mon, 25 Mar 2002 09:25:38 -0800

Declare. My typing gets more impressive every day, doesn't it. Valentine's day pines for the left out of the loop pains of Tax Day. Those who have, pay Those who lack, wish they could also. Green grass on your lawn. I'm leaning into the skid, hugging poverty. How Zen I've become. Yes, I'll live simply, like a monk with his rice bowl (except with more porn.) Why must cheap coffee smack of ground-up truck tires? Bastard Jaun Valdez.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Mon, 25 Mar 2002 17:32:56 -0800

three cds down now k, coldchef and jpoulos all are excellent (the last song I would have expected to over lap anyone with was dance on vaseline)

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Mon, 25 Mar 2002 18:39:59 -0800

especially that particular remix, huh? i meant to mention, eyeballkid, that I love the yoko kanno stuff. i'm a big anime fan. great stuff all around, from everyone.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Mon, 25 Mar 2002 19:38:09 -0800

I'd never heard Yoko Kanno! After ColdChef's melodramatic tearfest, eyeballkid's cool objectivity was the welcome antidote. Well, today I received Kafkaesque's sublime selection, a tightrope-walking exercise in melancholy and extreme good taste, which sounds a lot like the complete best songs ever recorded. When I learn to burn my CD, it will sound a lot like that. Only better, ha ha, nervous laugh... I've bought my 12 Madredeus CDs and will be shipping them tomorrow. And I still have 9 to get! What a great idea this was. Though I must say, being Portuguese, I was a bit disappointed not to get a handwritten note. Even typewritten... No "Dear Miguel", no "Hope you enjoy this", nothing. Can't we stipulate that each CD should go out with at least one packet of Beer Nuts? Or, in walrus's case, pork scratchings? *sob*

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Mon, 25 Mar 2002 19:56:03 -0800

dong_resin: please e-mail me your address. This is not about give and ye shall receive. You're a part of us, whether you like it or not. I'd like you to hear what we're all hearing. If tomorrow it's me who's poor and you who's rich will you say "screw Miguel, I'm not sending him one" when you already have an extra copy for me? Well then.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Mon, 25 Mar 2002 20:41:08 -0800

Thanks, Miguel, but I only listen to 8 track. Uh.... I hope my dopey haikus above where taken in the entirely abstract and silly manner in which they were intended... I was just musing `bout tax day... maybe my timing was stupid given the pall cast by aaron's current situation... Fact is, I killed a man with my Haiku once, and since then, I've just never been that good with it. Miguel, I certainly appreciate the offer, but I simply don't have the time right now to play properly, and I'd feel real weird bringing so little to the party. Maybe I could participate in the next round of disc swap, or much better, wife swap. Who's with me? Open marriages are happy marriages.

By: Optamystic

Optamystic — Mon, 25 Mar 2002 20:52:38 -0800

...said the Man In The Assless Pants.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Mon, 25 Mar 2002 21:00:59 -0800

OK, d_r, have it your way. I'll keep the bloody thing then. But only until you're ready! In readiness, as they say, namely Bela Lugosi, as in "Your room is ready now... bwaahahahaha!" :)

By: Optamystic

Optamystic — Mon, 25 Mar 2002 21:45:12 -0800

Miguel is channeling clavdivs.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Mon, 25 Mar 2002 21:50:02 -0800

Shhhh, Optamystic!

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Mon, 25 Mar 2002 22:20:30 -0800

Hold me.

By: goneill

goneill — Tue, 26 Mar 2002 07:46:40 -0800

i too want to give dr a cd. please dr? don't feel bad... you can have mlang any time you want, bye the way... i keep trying to convince him that open relationships are the way to go, to no avail, but I think you might just be the feller to show him the error of his ways.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 26 Mar 2002 11:25:15 -0800

JPoulos CD Artistically packaged And good, very good.

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Tue, 26 Mar 2002 13:14:17 -0800

Thank you, Mr. K What a great idea this was! Swapping hearts and minds Product of my Time Form counts much more than content Package overdone Is the kitty skit In the middle too jarring? A nice change of pace? My friend Jay wrote it Long before he met us: me, And my cat, Holden.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 26 Mar 2002 14:52:39 -0800

Hmm. Don't remember The kitty skit, but I was On the phone briefly. Perhaps the kitty Drifted past my ears like a Silent feline ghost.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Tue, 26 Mar 2002 15:28:55 -0800

Bliss it is and this is why today is the day I've posted less in all my time here. I mean the Walrus CD, sleekly packaged in a Formula 1 sleeve. Mysterious, that. But what glee! Real dance music, memories of the Haçienda in Manchester and why I love British music. Too cool for words. Thanks, Walrus - I see your poetry extends to everything you touch, as happens only with the genuine poet. :) Meanwhile, I have a suspicion supposedly misanthropic Kafkaesque has actually tailored his CDs to each one of us, as there's no Leonard Cohen on mine. I mean, he's not preaching to the converted, thank you very much. Cheers!

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Tue, 26 Mar 2002 20:52:33 -0800

If you're referring to my comment about Leonard Cohen, Miguel, I'm afraid I wasn't clear. There's no actual Cohen on mine. I meant only that many of the songs sound Cohen-esque. Again, I say, what a great experience this is!

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Tue, 26 Mar 2002 21:40:51 -0800

I feel like I'm being ridiculously antisocial, here, not to mention missing out on the fun. Miguel, Goneill, I put together a mix disc, so if you'd still like to email me your address, we can swap after all. Obviously, it's just as easy for me to burn ten discs as it is to burn two, so if anyone else would like one, go ahead and email me, I'd love to send you one. Please don't feel like you have to burn me one if you want one of mine, I realize I'm very late to the party here. Next time, I'll participate on schedule. Also, goneill, I'll school mlang but good in the dark art of jiggy only if he promises to wear that sexy, sexy band outfit.

By: tj

tj — Tue, 26 Mar 2002 23:57:59 -0800

ok I have a confession to make.... I burned half of the discs(4) when my BACKUP burner went out so my stuff will be going out very late (I'll throw in a second disc if that helps)

By: walrus

walrus — Wed, 27 Mar 2002 03:50:35 -0800

I got your CD too, jpoulos. Luvverly stuff, kits, skits and all. I got one song off the same record as you, and a couple featuring similar artists. Nothing exactly the same though. Nice, tight mix. I've enjoyed all of them so much, now. Can't wait for the next one. sleekly packaged in a Formula 1 sleeve. Mysterious, that You all got different packaging ;-) Glad you liked the tunes, Miguel. dr I have e-d you. Beware.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Wed, 27 Mar 2002 17:28:43 -0800

and i see that no expense was spared on the packaging walrus ;). i'm realizing that this cd swap was a great idea. so far, not a bad one in the bunch. if i had a cd changer in the car, it would be filled with (to borrow jpoulo's term) mixes from the mefi mob.

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Wed, 27 Mar 2002 18:20:34 -0800

I'm loving the mix, walrus. Can you send a tracklist?

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 28 Mar 2002 09:22:13 -0800

tracklist tracklist - it was in kafka's rules. back from dublin, going to get this show on the road.

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 28 Mar 2002 09:23:15 -0800

dr. please, my email is available for you all. i will email everyone everyone's addresses if anyone wants to send dr a disk.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Thu, 28 Mar 2002 10:02:57 -0800

Great news, d_r! I'm really looking forward to your selection. As long as it makes me cry, laugh, dance, scream, horny, furious, then I'll know it's from you. I'm feeling guilty here. I bought the very picturesque, almost medieval Portuguese padded envelopes yesterday(with a man on a horse blowing a feckin' bugle - how's that for the new frontier?)and have wiped my tongue clean of tastebuds with all the licking weird stamps with explorers and birds on them, in itty-bitty 00,1 and 0,03 euros denominations. Y'all get four stamps, with the full Cardoso DNA, so watch for paper cuts lest you unaccountably become pregnant with my child or something. The problem is the country has shut down for Easter so they'll only go out on Monday, but with a kooky "Air Priority" sticker for extra speed, they should reach you in a few days. Meanwhile I switch between K, EBC, W and CC according to my moods. CC makes me maudlin, W makes me happy, K makes me think and EBC makes me feel so young!

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 28 Mar 2002 11:55:51 -0800

You down with EBC?

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Thu, 28 Mar 2002 12:24:12 -0800

Apperently, miguel thinks of me as the EyeBallChild.

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 28 Mar 2002 14:08:44 -0800

I have a question: how do you rip records i suspect vinyl.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Thu, 28 Mar 2002 14:23:08 -0800

record ripping here need to get a turntable have LPs, can't hear

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 28 Mar 2002 18:57:27 -0800

*sigh* you think Matt ever reads the silly threads before he axes them? I bet he never even comes down here to the basement. he probably hates me.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 28 Mar 2002 19:49:20 -0800

I think he definitely read that one, and I woulda axed it too. Now be quiet, Chef. If he knows you're here he'll....

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Thu, 28 Mar 2002 20:15:29 -0800

You know he has a deleted comment counter, don't you? I suspect there are more ColdChef DCs than anyone else's. Honestly, how can you expect him to like you? And yet today - well today you inaugurated a whole new genre, which was doubleposting on purpose so you could go wild on your own thread. This was brilliant but I'm still taking it to MeTa as I'd like Matt's opinion on this. ;)

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Fri, 29 Mar 2002 07:45:14 -0800

You have to admit ColdChef. It's difficult being the haikupancakebunny king.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 29 Mar 2002 09:34:33 -0800

Rein in those Haikus! Got to get them in here where They will all be safe!

By: mlang

mlang — Fri, 29 Mar 2002 13:21:47 -0800

Paper enables a certain kind of thinking. Picture, for instance, the top of your desk. Chances are that you have a keyboard and a computer screen off to one side, and a clear space roughly eighteen inches square in front of your chair. What covers the rest of the desktop is probably piles of papers, journals, magazines, binders, postcards, videotapes, and all the other artifacts of the knowledge economy. The piles look like a mess, but they aren't. From The New Yorker.
posted by ColdChef at 9:01 AM PST (66 comments total)

Finally! An excuse to not file my papers. I'd print this out and save it...but I'd probably lose it.
posted by ColdChef at 9:05 AM PST on March 28

My papers are obsesively organized in a time-ranked fashion based on time of last access. There is no substitute.
posted by NortonDC at 9:15 AM PST on March 28

Actually, this is a double post. It's a great example though of the same organizational issues discussed in the article.
posted by pomegranate at 9:37 AM PST on March 28

The piles look like a mess, but they aren't.

Oh yes they are. I recently moved a whole apartment's paper content to a warehouse, eleven year's worth of scribblings, newspapers, manuscripts, print-outs - and I haven't missed anything yet. Real writers and readers produce way too much paper to organize in any useful way. Time spent filing is time not reading and writing. Malcolm Gladwell, as usual, has taken an old chestnut(there will never be a paperless office)and spit-polished it in the hope it'll shine. Bah!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 9:45 AM PST on March 28

I thought I was the only one generating this paper-y mess. Thanks for the validation! I'll print this article out (hee hee) and show it to my boss the next time he complains about my messy desk.
posted by Lynsey at 9:49 AM PST on March 28

I have to have scads and scads of scrap paper near at hand wherever I go. If there's none around I'll look until I find some. I am not complete without stacks of fresh looseleaf or used-on-one-side-only printer paper at my disposal at all times.

You know that image of PigPen from Peanuts - surrounded by swirling winds of dirt and dust wherever he goes? That's me, only with paper.
posted by iconomy at 10:46 AM PST on March 28

this doublepost is
more proof that coldchef is a
punk motherfucker.
posted by mlang at 10:56 AM PST on March 28

miss a few days
and you look like a newbie
curse my doublepost
posted by ColdChef at 11:09 AM PST on March 28

love hate afair with paper. I file it and then I throw it away slowly, but I need a pad at hand with which to scribble daily notes. I have almost a paperless office, but I throw away tons.

I also really hate the way that paper doesn't line up. Like I have all of these scraps of paper with little ditties that I have written but I don't know how to organize them so I feel overwhelmed. I wish I could fall back on my bed right now I am in such despair. But I am at work and my herman miller chair doesn't allow such.
posted by goneill at 11:19 AM PST on March 28

mlang's just jealous
cuz his wife gets all giddy
when coldchef walks by...

:-)
posted by jpoulos at 11:21 AM PST on March 28

small slip of paper
g 's email address on it
slipped into my palm
posted by ColdChef at 11:29 AM PST on March 28

newbies aren't bad peeps
we simply get a bad rep
because of the trolls
posted by BlueTrain at 11:30 AM PST on March 28

S.O.s don't notice
"It's late. Are you still working?"
we speak in whispers
posted by ColdChef at 11:31 AM PST on March 28

inside the doomed thread
my heart is laid open, bare
he'll never find out
posted by ColdChef at 11:34 AM PST on March 28

arms around my screen
lips pressed to her glassy face
has she done the same?
posted by ColdChef at 11:36 AM PST on March 28

why not use the style
iambic pentameter
instead of haiku
posted by BlueTrain at 11:36 AM PST on March 28

I summoned the Matt™
soon this thread will be ether
my heart is a rock
posted by ColdChef at 11:38 AM PST on March 28

you're a sick bastard
ColdChef, yet I cannot help
but to keep reading
posted by BlueTrain at 11:40 AM PST on March 28

swiftness is the key
time is fleeting. seize the thread
syllables are hard
posted by ColdChef at 11:41 AM PST on March 28

i suggest that we
continue the poetry
until we are axed
posted by BlueTrain at 11:43 AM PST on March 28

oh good God this is
liberating at the least
Woo! I love MeFi
posted by BlueTrain at 11:44 AM PST on March 28

alt.haiku.format.fades.bores.grows-stale
alt.iambic.pentameter.strains.challenges.frustrates
alt.holy.format.illuminates.informs.enhances
alt.worldwide.web.absorbs.encompasses.adapts
alt.aanvish.format.suits.fits.graces
alt.metafilter.readers.observe.learn.adopt
alt.doublepost.responses.improve.expand.enjoy

-Mars
posted by Mars Saxman at 11:45 AM PST on March 28

love gives no reply
soon my words will all be gone
gone but not goneill
posted by ColdChef at 11:46 AM PST on March 28

though coworkers stare
my music blares loud and proud
i will dance for her
posted by ColdChef at 11:49 AM PST on March 28

love is illusive
we must strive to discover
more masturbation
:-)
posted by BlueTrain at 11:50 AM PST on March 28

papers are scattered
this thread has gone from order
to abject chaos

on desktop I stand
and do my silly dancing
I'm fired for sure now
posted by ColdChef at 11:51 AM PST on March 28

now I'm half undressed
campus police on the way
shoot me, but I'll dance
posted by ColdChef at 11:53 AM PST on March 28

i'll hire you ColdChef
to cook and write poetry
and to dance for me
posted by BlueTrain at 11:55 AM PST on March 28

I shout that, "It's SPRING!"
but office mates stay away
let's celebrate LIFE!

fear drains their faces
it's like that happy hour
when I kissed the boss
posted by ColdChef at 11:56 AM PST on March 28

But now I must part
My monkey is tired from all
of this haikuing
posted by BlueTrain at 11:57 AM PST on March 28

sirens wail outside
coeds stare through the window
time for me to leave
posted by ColdChef at 11:59 AM PST on March 28

"I did it for you!"
screaming fills the cubicles
padded cell awaits
posted by ColdChef at 12:00 PM PST on March 28

I offer service
Representation for you
ColdChef, I work cheap
posted by Dreama at 12:06 PM PST on March 28

love for "gone" is gone
she never loved me for real
I dream-a Dreama
posted by ColdChef at 12:10 PM PST on March 28

I want you to know
I have just saved this thread -
future blackmailing
posted by iconomy at 12:37 PM PST on March 28

what - but i love
you dear chef i can't
even count syllables
i'm so depressed right now
posted by goneill at 12:42 PM PST on March 28

we had something dear -
just a few hours of work
and your gone bye bye
posted by goneill at 12:43 PM PST on March 28

is your love fleeting
dear chef? I kiss my mon-tor
but still no return?
posted by goneill at 12:45 PM PST on March 28

i take it all back
please forgive my straying ways
to me, she meant nil
posted by ColdChef at 12:45 PM PST on March 28

jpolous: mlang's
not my husband,
(just joking mlang)
posted by goneill at 12:46 PM PST on March 28

holy fucking shit!
right in front of me, even!
goodbye cru-el world!
posted by mlang at 12:46 PM PST on March 28

my darling your back!
i have missed you my sweetheart!
mine forever more!
posted by goneill at 12:47 PM PST on March 28

holy fuckign shit is not a good first line of a haiku
posted by goneill at 12:48 PM PST on March 28

so, what do you think
about my LBJ look?
what you expected?
posted by ColdChef at 12:48 PM PST on March 28

that's mon'tor, goneill.
flaming passions don't excuse
contraction missteps.
posted by mlang at 12:50 PM PST on March 28

You people are nuts
Don't any of you have jobs?
Oh. "service" people.
posted by yhbc at 12:50 PM PST on March 28

that last haiku was
for the chef, not mlang I
declare my love to

the highest hilltop
all bookmarks forevermore
are now for the chef!

mlang never knew
the glory that was the birds
of curacao. Phony
posted by goneill at 12:52 PM PST on March 28

more beautiful yet
handsome than I could have thought
You are the cold chef
posted by goneill at 12:54 PM PST on March 28

our forbidden love
must be kept a secret from
the jealous Miguel
posted by ColdChef at 12:55 PM PST on March 28

mlang's really not
my husband he isn't the
prim'ry bread winner
posted by goneill at 12:55 PM PST on March 28

miguel is not here
alas, for he enjoys a
scandalous haiku
posted by goneill at 12:56 PM PST on March 28

and what about her?
does my betrothed fit into
triangular love?
posted by ColdChef at 12:56 PM PST on March 28

evanizer is
willing to switch teams for her
he said so himself
posted by ColdChef at 12:57 PM PST on March 28

of course! we'll meet at
your wedding - by my count it
is a pentagon
posted by goneill at 1:00 PM PST on March 28

yes - we all will switch
all teams for all wives and others
i forgot mr. resin.
posted by goneill at 1:01 PM PST on March 28

your s.o.'s with me!
you have wounded her deeply.
i satisfy needs.
posted by mlang at 1:02 PM PST on March 28

old style gang bangin'
this is getting too complex
adultry's crazy!
posted by ColdChef at 1:02 PM PST on March 28

dong, oh dong where art
though? you are sorely miss'ed
when your not around
posted by goneill at 1:02 PM PST on March 28

haikus making head spin
metafilter peyton place
I should get out more
posted by jonmc at 1:03 PM PST on March 28

this bandwidth sucking
i fear will anger our host
we should wrap this up
posted by ColdChef at 1:03 PM PST on March 28

damn proxy server!
posting is impossible;
it takes many tries.
posted by mlang at 1:04 PM PST on March 28

goodbye my sweet loves
no bang has ensued. We await
wedding invitat'ns.

Not a real hit to server this is.
posted by goneill at 1:05 PM PST on March 28

i'll abid you adieu
for i have work i must do
my love remains true
posted by ColdChef at 1:06 PM PST on March 28

my job interferes.
aforementioned problems, plus
must perform duties.
posted by mlang at 1:06 PM PST on March 28

coldchef's a genius.
he deserves my girlfriend's love.
haiku tour-de-force!
posted by mlang at 1:06 PM PST on March 28

job here too. I will
miss you, kisses etc
all around, again.
posted by goneill at 1:07 PM PST on March 28

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 29 Mar 2002 13:25:28 -0800

Aaaaugh!

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Fri, 29 Mar 2002 13:28:09 -0800

[this is bad]

By: mlang

mlang — Fri, 29 Mar 2002 13:39:38 -0800

i hope you all know that this will go down on your per-ma-nent record!

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 29 Mar 2002 13:42:23 -0800

Why don't you post deleted threads on your own blog, mlang? That was taken down by the owner of the site. I take that to mean that he didn't want it on his site. Now you put it back. Great idea.

By: mlang

mlang — Fri, 29 Mar 2002 13:58:46 -0800

kafkaesque, my friend: i was only following your fine instructions.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 29 Mar 2002 14:24:44 -0800

This proud thread, once a Beacon of fun goofiness Now become painful.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Fri, 29 Mar 2002 14:25:25 -0800

methinks dear mlang you misunderstood our friend haiku, don't rehash

By: mlang

mlang — Fri, 29 Mar 2002 14:34:24 -0800

don't be a brat, k. no way to frighten newbies by posting that here.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Fri, 29 Mar 2002 14:39:03 -0800

Whatever.

By: mlang

mlang — Fri, 29 Mar 2002 14:45:23 -0800

what's that, mister k? you act dismissive and rude? you should have typed '*yawn*'.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Fri, 29 Mar 2002 16:12:56 -0800

Jesus. you've wiped your asses with the red toilet paper of my poor black heart humble hidden thread dark thoughtful place of the web we barely knew ye

By: mlang

mlang — Sat, 30 Mar 2002 17:13:33 -0800

meant to be funny; thought you'd all be pleased, not pissed. i apologize.

By: mlang

mlang — Sat, 30 Mar 2002 17:25:25 -0800

online newspaper satire 'pure comedy gold' NEW LINK: the onion

By: y2karl

y2karl — Sat, 30 Mar 2002 17:43:32 -0800

Did... did we hit a wrinkle in time? I'm cold and scared!

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Sun, 31 Mar 2002 18:35:16 -0800

Disgruntled and chastised and betrayed by the K, ColdChef checks out the new front-page haiku threads.

By: goneill

goneill — Mon, 01 Apr 2002 06:38:50 -0800

Has the chef left us? I miss him so much it hurts. I'm sure K does too.

By: mlang

mlang — Mon, 01 Apr 2002 08:03:09 -0800

on television: oh my god...they killed coldchef! you bastards! (south park)

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Mon, 01 Apr 2002 11:53:05 -0800

Betrayal? Never Would I Brutus-ize a fellow haiku man.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Mon, 01 Apr 2002 12:47:30 -0800

mind (mine) exploding an ill contempt, oh yeah a screaming phrase a blue surge burning blue burn lines form man's short view this controls my mind.

By: gassire

gassire — Tue, 02 Apr 2002 05:44:00 -0800

fresh, new perspective: comic skewers current war. eh, fuck it. i quit.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Tue, 02 Apr 2002 07:55:20 -0800

I still think that thing is a hoot.

By: goneill

goneill — Tue, 02 Apr 2002 15:11:01 -0800

Sweet Jolly Cold Chef Has he taken a prior leave? Will he return soon? He has the answers But he doesn't share with us. We are left alone.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 02 Apr 2002 22:07:29 -0800

Chef took a short break Tearing himself away from The work-time killer

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Thu, 04 Apr 2002 14:10:06 -0800

go swing up, swing down swing back n' forth, swing all `round go Clan McManic

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 04 Apr 2002 17:22:45 -0800

We hate proddy fucks. Do you support the rangers? Dong_Resin, or celts?

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Thu, 04 Apr 2002 20:55:08 -0800

Yes.

By: yhbc

yhbc — Thu, 04 Apr 2002 20:59:27 -0800

Still lonely corner Hidden from hurtful front page But Cold Chef is gone. Work, yes, is painful and the filter keeps calling "poke your nose back in" Home life? Who needs it! and co-workers are all fools Here, there is solace. But like a crystal The community expands even in darkness. Rest now, great poet Trees still fall in the forest and nothing is heard. - Rank Amateur (but oddly inspired)

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 04 Apr 2002 21:17:11 -0800

The Filter today has left me with two questions which I shall address. Trolling bunnyfire Makes Great Sport - I think She's Metatrolling The world's greatest troll! Is it possible? Or true? Not like we believe? Cold Chef must come back This place has gone straight to prose We try, but we fail. Count days departed Makes a lonely soul of us together, alone

By: D

Thu, 04 Apr 2002 22:08:24 -0800

What drama! *Vows to Keep up with thread, or suffer The consequences* Here's hoping missed ones Return, and the goofiness Is restored once more. Seven out of ten Lurkers agree: it's best for All involved. Come on.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Fri, 05 Apr 2002 07:14:12 -0800

Great elegy, D, for the much missed Chef, culled in his prime by K's inadvertent kitchen knife. Meanwhile, if life is to continue in any form at all, I declare jpoulo's cosmopolitan mix received with thanks - a Playboy Mansion West musical philosophy for the present decade's terminally hep. Tart, yet luscious - a bit like the man himself. I also declare only this afternoon I have expedited my picturesque little packages and, my obligation thus discharged, I feel free to join in and wail: I miss ColdChef!

By: goneill

goneill — Fri, 05 Apr 2002 11:00:42 -0800

I can't beleive the chef is moonlighting on cnn. that's awful. COME BACK TO US ColdChef. Please, I'm making CD's this weekend - never fear .

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Fri, 05 Apr 2002 12:12:43 -0800

Cubans are genius. Black beans and rice collide with small, evil coffee. Surprised that Miguel and Walrus have no CDs yet / stupid Easter. Domestic CDs went out yesterday morning `bout two days to go. quite easy for me if other Americans should want one, also.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Fri, 05 Apr 2002 12:25:51 -0800

Had to see Blade 2. *sigh* I get what I deserve. Teach me to go out. Dozed for two hours I left knowing only this : Wesley Snipes is Blade.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Fri, 05 Apr 2002 17:07:53 -0800

That was all a fairly pointless waste of space, wasn't it.

By: goneill

goneill — Sat, 06 Apr 2002 17:40:57 -0800

Complaints of bit rate; Fighting over small spaces Takes up more bandwidth.

By: walrus

walrus — Sun, 07 Apr 2002 00:35:39 -0800

Less parsimony could result in breathing space? Hurrah! Let's wallow ... Chef laments may be written out on rice paper with nice, flavoured ink, and sent on to me. I have always relied on the kindness of oysters. p s, dong_resin, I have your musical friends under secure guard. Expect a raid on your own aural headquarters, when you least expect.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Sun, 07 Apr 2002 06:54:06 -0800

Kickass, Walrus, but I was referring to the disc... why am I whispering? I was referring to the disc that I sent you. You can track global priority packages, and both yours and Miguel's are just sitting there, in London. They shouldn't let TypeA pricks like myself know such things. Driving me up the fucking wall, it is.

By: walrus

walrus — Sun, 07 Apr 2002 11:12:25 -0800

No, no ... it's in my CD player, I assure you. Very cool, thanks!

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Sun, 07 Apr 2002 11:39:28 -0800

Oh. Well, good. And bizarre. You'd think they'd indicate delivery.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Sun, 07 Apr 2002 13:05:24 -0800

DR - A little bird indicates mine will arrive tomorrow. WTF should packages to Portugal go to London first? Lisbon is much nearer. I bet it's so Walrus can pick out the one with the most appealing cover and the extra track? And was he at least kind enough to be a bit more specific about the kind of music offered? Was he fuck! Just "very cool" to us third-worlders. Waaahhh!

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Sun, 07 Apr 2002 14:33:18 -0800

never understand strange mailroom complexities might explain shootings no need to wonder what tracks you've gotten, Miguel mostly christian rock

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Tue, 09 Apr 2002 14:37:21 -0800

"It's none too clean and none too pleasant, but you're soaking in it - dong resin!(...)Dee Oh En Gee - reminding you the future ain't what it used to be, but the past gets better and better every day..." A masterpiece, dong_resin. What a rocket! Took me back and forward till I was dizzy. Hey, write a book on compilation skills and get rich. Real thanks. Very humbled, yours truly, Miguel. :)

By: goneill

goneill — Wed, 10 Apr 2002 10:40:35 -0800

miguel cardosa, I tell everyone I know that you write novels. My Portuguese friend He is a famous author I met him online Is this fact? Fiction? Are there specific titles You would recommend? Yes, I have a friend Who can read in Portuguese. I met him at work. Do we have a chance of translation, anytime? I wonder, Miguel.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Wed, 10 Apr 2002 10:45:11 -0800

I'm sorry Miguel. I'll try to pull together one you like next time. The urge to mail you nothing but death metal was overwhelming, you know.

By: goneill

goneill — Wed, 10 Apr 2002 10:51:39 -0800

dong_resin, did you know that I listen to 'your' music? Did you know? Can we be joined, as one, in perpetuity? We will wait to see if you enjoy mine as much as I did yours. Once it comes that is.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Wed, 10 Apr 2002 11:27:44 -0800

Goneill: No, it seems like I'm very much a local flavour, like boiled peanuts. But I'll send you some books with the next CD, strictly for showing-off purposes. They were all reissued with spanking new covers this month and have American-style stickers with "17th edition" and other impressive stuff on them. Resina_sardal: Heh. Wait till you get mine. Then you'll know how infantile death metal is, compared to real suffering and pain set to sombre music. You know, this CD swappage thing - yeah, shit, I'm afraid I might take a while here, please feel free to scarper - has been very interesting, inasmuch as there aren't any cultural or age barriers. Kafkaesque's CD is "great songs for all eternity, with no compromises". Jpoulos's CD is like "the hits I didn't know were my greatest till I heard them again". He's truly transatlantic. Walrus's is "wonderful music you've missed since you stopped listening to anything newer than Radiohead and quit dancing". Eyeballkid's is "it's not too late to be cool again" music. Dong's is half music-of-my-youth and half music-I-managed-to-avoid-the-first-time round. It's cleverly compiled as you can't take one without the other. ColdChef's CD, on the other hand, is...different and charming and far-out. The only one I'd say was American in an unexpected way. Or foreign. So it seems like there's some kind of very close common culture here. At least before Goneill's jigs and reels start making their way towards us. As for that renegade tj, the less said the better.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Wed, 10 Apr 2002 11:50:52 -0800

That's an interesting characterization, Miguel, seeing as to me, it's just what's in my disc player, and, evidently, Goneill's. We've got, like, half a planet and `bout twenty years between us, yet we're having 50% similar youths.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Wed, 10 Apr 2002 11:58:33 -0800

anticipating big fan of electronic walrus captivates

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Wed, 10 Apr 2002 16:10:34 -0800

Hey! I forgot Dong! Am I too late for dong tunes? Dong dong dong dong dong!

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Wed, 10 Apr 2002 20:22:02 -0800

Absolutely not, Kafka. Email me your address, and the disc on it's way. Same goes for any american*, here, part of the cabal or not. * I'm sorry to prejudice against you people across whatever pond, normally it wouldn't be a problem but I can mail domestic packages right from my apartment, while the post office needed for international packages is a bit of a drive, and I'm ridiculously busy these days. I think I got all you guys, anyway. Also, your countries are just laughably inferior, and mostly smell like Ella Fitzgeralld's pre-amputative, diabetes-gnarled feet.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Wed, 10 Apr 2002 20:59:55 -0800

Eyeballkid's is "it's not too late to be cool again" music. Miguel, you misunderstand. In no universe would I be considered "cool."

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Wed, 10 Apr 2002 21:00:17 -0800

...and the disc is on it's way. Leaving out key words is bordering on a becoming a stylistic decision for me. The fact is, I just never learned to read. My life is a lie. *sobs*

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Wed, 10 Apr 2002 21:00:57 -0800

(ps donger, I'll send you mine if you send me yours)

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Wed, 10 Apr 2002 21:10:09 -0800

If you mean discs, then yes. If you mean the taxidermied head of the annoying little dog that shrieks at me every night around 3 am, regardless of the fact that I've lived here for years and it should know me by now, then yes.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 03:38:38 -0800

See what a bit of promotion can do, dong? Now everybody wants one. Oh and that bit about having to drive for miles to reach that sophisticated, parisian-café style post office that has the know-how to deal with those difficult, confusing non-domestic packages with funny addresses in foreign languages...priceless!

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 07:03:33 -0800

i will forward your disk to miguel or whoever, donggee

By: mlang

mlang — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 08:47:27 -0800

whose dick do i have to suck to get a copy of this thing?

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 09:02:21 -0800

um that's 'whomever'

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 09:11:41 -0800

Say, goneill that's sweet, but I've already mailed out to... Wait... are offering to be a drug mule? Cause that could work out for us both. Sweet. Also Miguel, read your last post back to yourself, but picture a cinderblock building with no floor, and rats the size of Telly Savalas. Now picture it one full hour east from the rest of civilization, vs. the mailbox right outside my door, that has an outgoing mail slot. Now picture James Doohan in a tutu, making out with Jack Valenti. Mmmm.... Just email me your address, mlang, then suck the pope's dick. You're on the honor system.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 09:18:31 -0800

ps, I've sent out about ten of these things now, and they get a bit altered every time as I get more and more bored with the same tunes, so yours are all slightly different. Sure to become collectors items after I snap and throw some hand grenades into the Wendy's.

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 10:11:40 -0800

Does Canada count as domestic? You know, because we're just that bit of land between the mainland and Alaska. Just wondering.

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 10:15:52 -0800

Why should I trust mlang to send a disc when I still don't have goneill's?

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 11:04:22 -0800

Nprigoda, you don't, but if you'd like a disc also, it's not a problem. The margarine and secondhand behives I'd wanted to send you, however, is. Email me your address if you'd like a disc.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 12:02:04 -0800

mlang and nprigoda: same here. Email me your addresses and fresh copies of "April in Portugal for Swingers Only" will be dispatched forthwith.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 13:49:21 -0800

Everyday I go to my mail box expecting a package from goneill or Miguel and everyday I see a deep, empty tin box that echoes when I sob into it.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 14:59:53 -0800

You should never have bought those Polk speakers, EBK. Now no one will respect you anymore. Anyway, I was assured my CD would hit the American shore by Monday at the latest. But with those speakers...well, I just don't know...sorry, pal! ;)

By: nprigoda

nprigoda — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 15:15:46 -0800

cool! I'm so excited! So who would like one back? Let's see, what have I got here... smooth house tracks, uncluttered folk, jumpy pop stuff... take your pick!

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 15:22:11 -0800

Wow, Cardoso can really turn on you in 24 hours. First my taste in music is cool, now he want's nothing to do with me. (BTW, Miguel, are we invited to your little shindig in July? That Village House is sweet.*evil smirk*)

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 16:06:56 -0800

Shindig , eh? I'll bring the hamsters and rubber tubing.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 16:18:55 -0800

I demand lackadaisical pop stuff, dirty house tracks and abrasive folk. Am I out of luck? Hamsters and rubber tubing? What's your record Dong? I got one about 75 yards last time before the cops got me.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 16:57:30 -0800

Well, I only got one 13 inches in, but I'd call that a personal best.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 19:28:52 -0800

BTW, Miguel, are we invited to your little shindig in July? Why you...I...I mean...gulp...I knew you were a man of many talents and a dancer to be courted and envied...but...well I never...that groovy shindig is my blog's get-together in the heart of Port wine country. Vintage House(not Village, you xenophobe!) is a wonderful inn where a lot of drinking, eating, swimming and canoodling is par for the course. EBK: for a man who rises at three in the afternoon and claims to buy shite speakers, you sure hit a lot of European websites and know a lot of foreign languages. Don't tell me Babelfish did it for you. Hmmm. ColdChef was right - you are a nark. Of course you're all invited. But you must bring good cheese or wine. I wish you could. I mean, I love the U.S. and all that, but you have no idea how the quality of life takes precedence over everything in laid-back, anything-goes, sexy, foxy little Portugal. 75% of my +2k blog members are girls, by the way! But only about 100 will be going. The ugly, intelligent ones. The rest of them will be fascinating drunks much like us. :)

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 19:32:20 -0800

Here's the place where the shindig - think Dick Clark without the Clark - will take place. Eat your hearts out, after that sullen, pink dive in Los Angeles...

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 19:45:36 -0800

BTW Miguel, I prefer "narc" not "nark" as in narcotics officer. And that's Special Agent EyeballK!d to you.

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Thu, 11 Apr 2002 19:56:54 -0800

OK, EyeballK!d. Too many Freak Bros comics made me do it, Special Agent, sir! Narc it is. Though I must say I was *initiate Margaret Rutherford accent* quite taken aback by that capital K and the groovy ! instead of the habitual i in your new EyeballK!d monicker. I beseech you: are you quite sure you want to make this tumultuous change so far into the proceedings of our common friendship? ;)

By: goneill

goneill — Fri, 12 Apr 2002 09:46:52 -0800

Hey lads - Miguel - remember that whole "conference" that you mentioned in Metatalk? I've been thinking about it - and it sounds like a good idea. Were you kidding? or could you really set one up? I would like to pop over for a quick drink if you have the time, sometime this summer. It would be fun to have a Lisbon MeFi gathering, no?

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Fri, 12 Apr 2002 10:09:52 -0800

I was kidding, goneill - but it could be done. It would be far too much work, though. Still...it's a good pipedream and you never know what turns up. :)

By: mlang

mlang — Fri, 12 Apr 2002 11:37:02 -0800

too bad about the conference, but goneill and i are actually planning to be in lisbon some weekend late in may/early in june. would we be able to visit you and schwepps_girl? we'll bring a bottle of sandeman 30 yo if that will help.

By: mlang

mlang — Fri, 12 Apr 2002 11:38:03 -0800

also, none of you really want to get goneill's cd, trust me.

By: mlang

mlang — Fri, 12 Apr 2002 11:39:20 -0800

she played it for me...and it's all creed. including some of their early stuff, before they 'got all commercial'.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Fri, 12 Apr 2002 13:34:26 -0800

When I have kids, I'm going to cut their hair to look exactly like Scott Stapp's. Mostly because I hate children.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Fri, 12 Apr 2002 15:05:19 -0800

as is my usual habit, I checked my mail before leaving for work today (I rolled out of bed earlier than usual, noon). lo and behold, there was an envelope from Portugal, complete with a hand-written note (the ink still wet, it smeared in my hand) and a cd from (not "by", you'll see what I mean) Miguel. thank you sir. it is a wonderful cd.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Fri, 12 Apr 2002 15:59:21 -0800

wait, i may have jumped the gun, Miguel's name does appear on the cd. so, scratch that, this is really a mix by Miguel. my cd mix creation skills feel so inferior now

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Fri, 12 Apr 2002 17:09:05 -0800

Hey, it's arrived! Did you really like it, eyeballkid? Honestly? And mlang and goneill are coming to visit! Thinks are looking up. You two give me the dates and anything you want doing, booking or looking into and Schweppes Girl and me will take care of everything. Wonderful stuff! :)

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Fri, 12 Apr 2002 17:55:22 -0800

honestly, yes. i saw Lisbon Story years ago, and I just chalked it up to another one of Wim Wender's astounding soundtracks. i can't believe i never bought the cd (i have the soundtracks to his others, usually it's nick cave, lou reed and/ or u2). had I done that, i'm sure I would have already bought this one. my god, her voice!

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Sat, 13 Apr 2002 13:47:07 -0800

Well, The Madredeus disc arrived today. You've sent me my favorite kind of music, Miguel, that being the kind that's 180 degrees from anything I own, and the sort that I'd never have run into on my own. Sparse, mostly acoustic instrumentation behind the operatic singing voice of Teresa Salgueiro. Dreamy without being sappy, and genuinely otherworldly. It's been rolling non-stop since it's arrival, three hours ago. Tracks three (Oxalá) and nine (As Brumas do Futuro ) go on the next mix disc, next time I do this. I don't know if the neighbors (who seem to favor Journey, Styx and, no kidding, Survivor) like Madredeus as much as I do, but they're certainly getting the chance to find out. All night long, in fact, the bastards. Much thanks! (I steamed off the Pedro Nunes stamp and slid it in the rear cd case over the UPC symbol for added future exotic-ness. How cool is that?)

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Sat, 13 Apr 2002 13:49:44 -0800

These guys all wear too much black. The future Mrs. Resin?

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Sat, 13 Apr 2002 15:13:11 -0800

I got Madredeus-ed yesterday. Very nice, Miguel. I have to say you were absolutely spot-on in your liner notes. I couldn't agree more with what you said. Especially the squiggly thing over the n. You said it, dong, with the "different" music label. I love receiving stuff I wouldn't have found otherwise, and that's not trying too desperately hard to be cool. Not that you're not cool or anything, Migster. And yet...

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Sun, 14 Apr 2002 00:16:10 -0800

*warm glow*

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Tue, 16 Apr 2002 07:50:41 -0800

I don't have time for this shit, you fucking maniacs. Ah well. Nipple tickles and chocolate kisses, nonetheless. Maybe someday I'll catch up. In a massively arrogant Neale-esque sense, I still think of this as my thread, no matter now misguided that may be. I can't believe all the words that have been spoken here since last time I wandered by... carry on. But don't forget to bow to the Riff Lord. Wherever he is.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 16 Apr 2002 10:39:52 -0800

Riff Lord, silent watcher, Has all eternity to spare. Howl! Tathagata.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 16 Apr 2002 10:42:10 -0800

Once again, your friendly neighborhood stupid person counts his poem wrong.

By: Marquis

Marquis — Wed, 17 Apr 2002 10:19:55 -0800

sniff. Why is it I always miss out on the parties? I just can't seem to get the hang of them. And this one has a soundtrack! (or six) Marquis sniffles back to his quasilurking corner. Sighing. or i see the party missed music and revelry but i am alone

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 18 Apr 2002 11:14:57 -0800

is he gone?

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Thu, 18 Apr 2002 11:17:35 -0800

shhh. no i think i hear him in the hall. damnit k, close the closet door and i'll try and keep the dog quiet.

By: yhbc

yhbc — Thu, 18 Apr 2002 12:09:26 -0800

ALRIGHT, STEP AWAY FROM THE CLOSET And put that DOG down! oh, you two are so busted ... "Sarge! You won't believe what we had going on in here!"

By: Marquis

Marquis — Thu, 18 Apr 2002 16:03:55 -0800

oh, leave them alone. it's too late. [cries]

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 18 Apr 2002 19:18:17 -0800

Here we write in rhymes We do not use asterii We write about life.

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 18 Apr 2002 19:20:34 -0800

His heart is like Ice I still miss him, unending. He cooks up a storm He is my cold chef There is none other, Rhyming Just isn't the same.

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Thu, 18 Apr 2002 19:39:02 -0800

whatever

By: yhbc

yhbc — Thu, 18 Apr 2002 19:54:09 -0800

* turns up nose at poetic pretension * * shuffles nonchalantly, yet insouciantly, stage right *

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Thu, 18 Apr 2002 21:16:51 -0800

jpoulos, I think that's : "oh well, whatever, nevermind"

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 18 Apr 2002 21:45:56 -0800

so sorry I caused such a mi-ighty big fuss pretty please, resume.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Fri, 19 Apr 2002 01:49:36 -0800

this is what you want (turn off the lights when you're done) this is what you get

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Fri, 19 Apr 2002 01:55:38 -0800

jpoulos CD chock full of beats and texture plus tasty Dave Byrne

By: jpoulos

jpoulos — Fri, 19 Apr 2002 06:17:13 -0800

haven't had a chance to listen to donger's disc expect review soon

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Fri, 19 Apr 2002 15:46:03 -0800

got dong's cd now the phrase "you're soaking in it, dong_resin" haunts me

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Fri, 19 Apr 2002 17:29:37 -0800

It's like flag day in your mouth, all year long!

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Fri, 19 Apr 2002 17:49:08 -0800

It's like flag day in your mouth, all year long! New Mefi tagline?

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Fri, 19 Apr 2002 17:49:49 -0800

New Mefi tagline? -New Mefi tagline?

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Fri, 19 Apr 2002 18:25:49 -0800

"It's like flag day in your mouth, all year long!"© is the sole property of Resin_Brand®. You are hereby requested to cease and desist all unauthorized usage. "It's like St.Swithin's Day in your mouth, all year long!" is still available.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Sat, 20 Apr 2002 16:39:08 -0800

eyeballkid CD burns like the clap when I pee kicks ass like Bruce Lee

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Tue, 23 Apr 2002 15:42:40 -0800

Kafka's black disc cheerful, like a bad car wreck your worst enemy's so far, this disc swap my changer is full of new a genius idea

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 23 Apr 2002 16:18:45 -0800

I got a fistful The other day: pleasing and strangely quite supple.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Wed, 24 Apr 2002 01:11:33 -0800

The most important thing on earth right now is that I get this point across : fistful refers to the amount of whatever it is in one's fist, whereas a fist full refers to the fact that the fist is full of something, and has the mastabatory ring to it that I was going for. Holly shit, I don't even want to think about the horrors of what it would be like, if I got even for one moment misunderstood, there. *pant* Maybe I should stop buying coffee that looks like ground-up truck tires, just because it's 12 cents a pound. My eyes don't even close when I sneeze anymore.

By: goneill

goneill — Wed, 24 Apr 2002 20:05:57 -0800

my dear darling dong et al. I am so embarassed about my belated participation. I've been having a bit of touble with the cd burning installation that was due to take place, er, say, a month ago. Please trust that when you least expect it you will be given the lucious sounds of the grainne underground complete with punk rock chart topper circa 1979, and the wailing banshees of munster. Please, please, forgive me my trespasses, and rest assured that the U.S. Postal service and park bench industries will (eventually) provide.

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Wed, 24 Apr 2002 20:35:13 -0800

the sweet iorny I was too busy to trade you, goneill, swayed me

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Thu, 25 Apr 2002 02:19:56 -0800

Well, I've had goneill's CD for a month now - OK, it's a demo, but it's still the most beautiful and exciting soundtrack to life and love ever recorded. ;)

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 25 Apr 2002 09:56:51 -0800

Miguel has maybe been puffing on the hookah a bit much today.

By: goneill

goneill — Thu, 02 May 2002 19:11:33 -0800

Dog ate my burner Excuse inappropriate At such a late stage. Apologies. Have addresses, will send CDs shortly, I promise.

By: walrus

walrus — Fri, 17 May 2002 07:45:07 -0800

Thread decomposing, rotten haiku fermenting. Makes a tasty brew.