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May 27, 2012 1:28 PM   Subscribe

WHAT (AND HOW) TO EAT NAKED: Geoff Nicholson explains what to do if you should suddenly find yourself naked and insatiable…for food (what else?). PUBLISHED IN GOURMET LIVE 05.16.12
posted by Fizz (25 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

 
An article such as this, and no mention of bacon and the frying thereof anywhere?

Fail.
posted by hippybear at 1:39 PM on May 27, 2012 [2 favorites]


That would be porcine!
posted by hal9k at 1:49 PM on May 27, 2012


Can I eat a plate of beans naked?
posted by fijiwriter at 2:07 PM on May 27, 2012


Can I eat a plate of beans naked?

The question is "Why aren't you?"
posted by Mister Fabulous at 2:14 PM on May 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


Bring forth the chocolate frosting!

Aaaaaaaaaooooooohhhhhhhh...
posted by Slackermagee at 2:23 PM on May 27, 2012


Here I thought this might be about that incident in Miami yesterday.
posted by MegoSteve at 2:31 PM on May 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


After reading the link in the zombie story below to a real honest to god story about a naked guy in Miami eating someone's face, I don't think i can read this right now...
posted by etaoin at 2:31 PM on May 27, 2012 [1 favorite]




http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/05/26/2818832/naked-man-shot-killed-on-macarthur.html
posted by newfers at 2:44 PM on May 27, 2012


Yep, just came here to post this.^
posted by bquarters at 2:45 PM on May 27, 2012


Oh, I posted the same time as newfers. Jinx. But not to the getting-your-face-eaten-by-a-zombie extent.
posted by bquarters at 2:46 PM on May 27, 2012


I goofed up mine, and it's not clickable. Phooey!
posted by newfers at 2:49 PM on May 27, 2012


After reading the link in the zombie story below to a real honest to god story about a naked guy in Miami eating someone's face, I don't think i can read this right now...

I don't think you want to hear about the genital banquet.
posted by mazola at 3:16 PM on May 27, 2012


Nude food. Nood Food. Nude Fude. Nood Fude.

Never the two shall mix!
posted by mazola at 3:17 PM on May 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


Not honey.
posted by Thorzdad at 3:49 PM on May 27, 2012


That was disappointing.
posted by Sublimity at 3:50 PM on May 27, 2012


Anyone have a problem with turning Manet''s Le déjeuner sur l'herbe into soft pron?

I read all the sex and food article's and the whole story seems oriented to male hetero and is quite bland.

Manet must be rolling in his grave... as his painting was, among other things, extremely provocative and disturbing at the time (1863). It challenged the hypocrisy surrounding the depiction of unclothed women in paintings. Nudes in paintings were supposed to be idealized and passive. The nude sitting on the grass in Le déjeuner, much like the nude in Olympia (also 1863), looked photographic, with harsh light of flash, no natural shadows, much like pron postcards of prostitutes, which could be found in most "gentleman's waistcoat pockets. Not to mention that said "gentlemen" regularly frequented the Bois de Boulogne, a private matter, made public in the painting.

The "gentlemen" on the jury for the official 1863 Paris Salon rejected the painting because it was "extremely badly painted". Of course, the real reason was that they were red in the face, caught out, looking in the mirror at their hypocrisy. Manet showed the painting in the 1863 Salon des Refusés. It was very controversial and shocking.
posted by snaparapans at 4:37 PM on May 27, 2012 [3 favorites]


Tangentially related MetaFilter post: On May 26th, a naked man eating the face off of his victim was fatally shot by police.
posted by WalterMitty at 4:51 PM on May 27, 2012


On rereading the above comments, I am slow.
posted by WalterMitty at 4:52 PM on May 27, 2012


I like my dining experience like I like my potato chips -- all dressed!


'Zesty!' and 'Mordant!' are also acceptable answers.
posted by mazola at 6:20 PM on May 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


snaparapans: not at all.

The article, like the social attitude Manet was commenting on, is venally prurient. Who hasn't fricking eaten nude with a lover? His painting presides over the article like a knowing school teacher escorting giggling grade schoolers past paintings of (giggle) Naked Women.
posted by IAmBroom at 7:36 PM on May 27, 2012


Paintings of nude or nearly-nude women and men wearing four or five woollen layers always bother me the same way those Bollywood windy mountain scenes with a gentleman in a sport coat over three sweaters and a lady in a lightweight silk sari do - someone is not dressed for the weather, and I'm betting it's the person whose flesh is on display.

Eating naked is not shocking. If you sleep naked, are you supposed to get dressed just to make some toast? Pish. I do wonder whether restaurants with nude dining clean the chairs between customers. (And eating food off naked strangers is just unappealing - I already have to take it on faith that food handlers wash their *hands*. Besides, treating people like objects - in this case, like plates - makes me feel decadent in the bad way.)
posted by gingerest at 8:27 PM on May 27, 2012


IAmBroom : .. knowing school teacher escorting giggling grade schoolers Yes that too...

But, did you read the set of articles? To me they seemed very straight-male POV, to put it nicely. and rather milquetoast to boot... Seems ironic, that a radical painting meant to shake up a certain type of sexism, gets reduced to soft porn for the sake of illustrating a series of articles on foods that make women horny and foods to avoid that kill libido for men.
posted by snaparapans at 8:35 PM on May 27, 2012


As far as I’m aware, there’s no restaurant proclaiming it’s been “serving nude customers for 25 years.”

On the door of that restaurant there's a sign that says
SHOES
SHIRT
NO SERVICE
posted by twoleftfeet at 11:26 PM on May 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


snaparapans: I see your point. I guess I was enjoying the irony of the painting having more class than the article.
posted by IAmBroom at 9:13 AM on May 28, 2012


Kent: You're all a bunch of degenerates.
Chris Knight: We are? What about that time I found you naked with that bowl of Jell-O?
Kent: You did not.
Chris Knight: This is true.
Kent: Look, it was hot and I was hungry, okay?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:37 PM on May 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


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