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June 4, 2012 5:25 AM   Subscribe


 
33. HTML5 webpages that change color while you read them will end the internet's war on productivity.
posted by jeffburdges at 5:35 AM on June 4, 2012 [31 favorites]


Underwear embedded with electromyographic sensors: Already being sold

Slightly better bicycle locks: More than 4 years away

... Huh.
posted by kyrademon at 5:39 AM on June 4, 2012 [9 favorites]


What the FUCK is with that color cycle? Did GeoPages just show up on NYT?
posted by Old'n'Busted at 5:40 AM on June 4, 2012 [4 favorites]


Change your future with these 32 weird old tricks!
posted by Rock Steady at 5:42 AM on June 4, 2012 [16 favorites]


This will be a better post in 2-4 years when we can laugh at all the stupid predictions.

They are stupid and we can laugh now, but there's a non-zero danger we'll be proved wrong.
posted by DU at 5:43 AM on June 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


The one about coffee is puzzling me a little, because it's not like a new technology, it's just a change in the marketplace. It's true that dark roasts and french roasts are used in the commercial market to blend and cover up your basic so-so beans. But "the best beans," single-origin, single-variety beans - have been available as artisanal coffees for at least ten years. And when they're roasted, they're indeed best roasted to a Vienna or full city roast and not brewed with too hot a water, so as not to kill the unique flavors from the volatile oils. So I guess the only difference is that this approach, as the note says, is getting more visible in the grocery-store coffee market.

When you aim the SpeechJammer at someone, it records that person’s voice and plays it back to him with a delay of a few hundred milliseconds. This seems to gum up the brain’s cognitive processes ...“We hope it will build a more peaceful world.”

This is what cracks me up about inventors - they sometimes seem unable to envision real-world contexts and predict real-world outcomes, because their sole focus is on solving just one aspect of a problem. A world in which someone aims a gun-shaped device at me to play my own words back because they're sick of me talking does not sound like a "more peaceful world" to me - it sounds like a world that is more prone to sudden assault and property damage as the targets of such devices wrest them from the user's passive-aggressive little hands and send them spinning down train corridors and across restaurant dining rooms.
posted by Miko at 5:43 AM on June 4, 2012 [47 favorites]


Hands Free Hair Washing - 15minutes with your head inside a machine, and you didnt have to use your hands to wash your hair.

Sorry - I think I will just use my hands, and wash my hair in 30 seconds in shower.
posted by Flood at 5:48 AM on June 4, 2012 [21 favorites]


Another thing about the SpeechJammer:
Kazutaka Kurihara, one of the SpeechJammer’s creators, sees it as a tool to prevent loudmouths from overtaking meetings and public forums,
In other words, it's a tool for repressing free speech.
posted by John Cohen at 5:54 AM on June 4, 2012 [20 favorites]


The only improvement of that list over a Cracked article is that it was all on one page. Notably, the writing was WORSE than Cracked.
posted by seanmpuckett at 5:59 AM on June 4, 2012 [11 favorites]


This is what cracks me up about inventors - they sometimes seem unable to envision real-world contexts and predict real-world outcomes, because their sole focus is on solving just one aspect of a problem.

Entirely my reaction to the smart shopping cart. How many stores do you think will allow customers to get rung up by a shopping cart?

They've had those automatic cashiers for a decade now and those are never complete without a staff member hovering, and have extremely annoying redundant systems built in so you can't get away paying for one less potato.
posted by entropone at 6:07 AM on June 4, 2012


I can't find a single item on that list that would make me want to live long enough to see this particular tomorrow.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:07 AM on June 4, 2012 [8 favorites]


Also if you buy a sink-sized machine just for automatically computershampooing your hair then we are no longer friends.
posted by entropone at 6:08 AM on June 4, 2012 [5 favorites]


Would a 60fps film cause seizures for people with photosensitve epilepsy, people who are triggered at certain frequencies?

A mix of ok, and daft, and (as Miko points out) dangerous inventions. Also, as someone with almost no hair, the magic hairwashing machine just seems hilarious.
posted by marienbad at 6:09 AM on June 4, 2012


I mean, why would you want to touch your hair with your hands anyway?
posted by blucevalo at 6:12 AM on June 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Entirely my reaction to the smart shopping cart. How many stores do you think will allow customers to get rung up by a shopping cart?

One of the grocery stores I frequent is close to this now. I can pick up a handheld scanner, scan my groceries as I pick them out, and bag them in the cart as I walk through the store. When finished, I head to the unmanned register, scan the sign with the scanner, and pay for my groceries. No hovering employees, as far as I can tell. It's more manual but otherwise functionally identical to having the cart itself read RFIDs.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 6:13 AM on June 4, 2012 [4 favorites]


The ad for SpeechJammer is hilarious and so messed up.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 6:14 AM on June 4, 2012 [6 favorites]


My favorite is 5.5, the complete brain-map and then upload into a computer. I love how they just give it a line or two amidst next year's efficient shopping cart and inefficient robo-shampoo. Nope, no larger implications here.
posted by Balna Watya at 6:14 AM on June 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


33. HTML5 webpages that change color while you read them will end the internet's war on productivity.

Yeah, why in the world is it changing colour? All it's doing is make me not want to read it.
posted by hoyland at 6:15 AM on June 4, 2012


LOL, stop boring classroom speeches?
posted by oddman at 6:19 AM on June 4, 2012



I still can't believe the hair washing one could make any list of life-changing inventions, no matter how unimpressive.
posted by Fists O'Fury at 6:26 AM on June 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


My favorite is 5.5, the complete brain-map and then upload into a computer. I love how they just give it a line or two amidst next year's efficient shopping cart and inefficient robo-shampoo. Nope, no larger implications here.

Well, that's obviously because it's still 10+ years away, just like fusion power.
posted by daniel_charms at 6:32 AM on June 4, 2012


It should be noted that the SpeechJammer is just one example of a multitude of uses for the directional audio emitter. Over the last few years there has been a torrent of applications coming out of an apparently rather small group of Japanese research labs.

There are more interesting ones. Another example (my memory is a bit sketchy here) allows a museum-goer to point the gun at an object of interest, a gun-mounted camera recognizes the object, and the emitter plays back a narration which, thanks to the directional audio, sounds as though it's being emitted by the object.

There was also an interactive digital art piece where a gallery space was filled with a 3D grid of thousands of LEDs, each of which was powered only by a piezo electric transducer. By waving the gun around the room, the user could illuminate these LEDs, powered only by the directional sound.

So while it seems like the SpeechJammer's inventor has pigeonholed himself with a ridiculous application for an otherwise interesting piece of technology, the truth is that a very wide net is being cast, and this is one of the weird things that got caught.
posted by rlk at 6:33 AM on June 4, 2012 [5 favorites]


A world without dark roast coffee is a world I'm not sure I'm looking forward to...
posted by samsara at 6:33 AM on June 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


One of the grocery stores I frequent is close to this now. I can pick up a handheld scanner, scan my groceries as I pick them out, and bag them in the cart as I walk through the store. When finished, I head to the unmanned register, scan the sign with the scanner, and pay for my groceries.

Stop And Shop in Massachusetts had this, and it was fucking amazing. It would also keep a running total of what was in your cart so you could easily keep to a budget. I'm eagerly waiting for a chain here in North Carolina to pick up the tech.
posted by Rock Steady at 6:34 AM on June 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


This is what cracks me up about inventors - they sometimes seem unable to envision real-world contexts and predict real-world outcomes

Just like poor deluded Dr. Gatling.
posted by hydrophonic at 6:45 AM on June 4, 2012 [5 favorites]


The SpeechJammer is something I experience every once in a while: I call a customer service department, or somebody with a bad celphone connection, and I can hear myself with the slight delay due to the communications medium. I seriously cannot say more than one or two words coherently with that going on, and my stress level goes through the roof. Short-circuit is right: it seriously messed up my head.

Although, I have discovered a solution: don't listen, block it out. I just talk over it without attempting to listen to the phone, even though I can hear the noise, as long as my brain isn't trying to comprehend what I'm hearing, I'm all good. I think it makes your brain think you're interrupting somebody and forces you to stop. My guess is, a person trying to talk over or yell over somebody else isn't listening very much anyway, and the SpeechJammer will have limited effect on them. It is likely to have more effect on somebody involved in a discussion, shutting them down, than it will an interrupting voice.

(I'm surprised somebody hasn't already invented an Android/iPhone app that does this since the SpeechJammer was first announced)
posted by AzraelBrown at 6:45 AM on June 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


Would a 60fps film cause seizures for people with photosensitve epilepsy, people who are triggered at certain frequencies?
posted by marienbad


Actually, epileptics should prefer the 60fps. The trigger frequency is usually around 10fps, which is why alternating single-colored frames at 24fps, effectively flashing at 12fps, is so disturbing.
posted by StickyCarpet at 6:46 AM on June 4, 2012


The SpeechJammer is something I experience every once in a while: I call a customer service department, or somebody with a bad celphone connection, and I can hear myself with the slight delay due to the communications medium. I seriously cannot say more than one or two words coherently with that going on, and my stress level goes through the roof.

it's exactly why, when you listen to talk radio, the first thing the host often has to say is "turn your radio down."

The idea of using the "gun" in a museum setting is sort of interesting, but I'm not all that excited about it. It's not a big advance over an audioguide wand or a mobile device tour, except maybe in sound quality. A gallery full of seventh-graders with those "guns" would be a miserable place.
posted by Miko at 6:48 AM on June 4, 2012


I've been one of those guys lamenting that people are spending all their time building BS web apps instead of solving real-world problems.

Apparenty, there are no more problems left to solve in the real world. Thank you, NYT, for taking the time to set me straight on that account.
posted by bpm140 at 6:48 AM on June 4, 2012 [4 favorites]


No high tech cock rings with ambient informatic feeds?
posted by Burhanistan at 6:52 AM on June 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Good point, bpm140 - when you see "change your tomorrow" you kind of get your hopes up for feeding the world, fair elections, economic recovery...
posted by Miko at 6:52 AM on June 4, 2012


Hair washing vs affordable renewable energy solution?

*ponders deeply where to invest*
posted by infini at 6:54 AM on June 4, 2012 [3 favorites]


AH GOD THE COLOR
posted by odinsdream at 6:55 AM on June 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


15 The Kindness Hack

According to a recent study, giving workers menial tasks or, surprisingly, longer breaks actually leads them to believe that they have less time, while having them write to a sick child, for instance, makes them feel more in control and “willing to commit to future engagements despite their busy schedules.”

"As part of our ongoing efforts to make you, the employee, as happy as possible, you'll be happy to learn that we're reducing your breaks to one 10 minute break during which you'll be required to change the diapers on the CEO's children. No need for thanks! We're happy to do it for you."
posted by dave78981 at 6:57 AM on June 4, 2012 [11 favorites]


The SpeechJammer is something I experience every once in a while: I call a customer service department, or somebody with a bad celphone connection, and I can hear myself with the slight delay due to the communications medium. I seriously cannot say more than one or two words coherently with that going on, and my stress level goes through the roof. Short-circuit is right: it seriously messed up my head.

You'd think "full-duplexing on cell phones, just like ancient land lines" would be something that would make it onto a list like this. You know...something people would actually want.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:59 AM on June 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


I call a customer service department, or somebody with a bad celphone connection, and I can hear myself with the slight delay due to the communications medium.

I worked in one of those for a while, where about 1 call in 2 or 3 would have, thanks to trying to cut corners as much as possible on telephony, a half-second or more delay between speaking and hearing your own voice.

It's disconcerting, but it's possible to coach yourself to ignore your voice and talk over it, so that it's merely a background annoyance. However, changes in volume/delay, and not being able to consistently anticipate whether your voice will be played out of sync, have a direct effect on being able to tune it out to the point of 'mere annoyance'.
posted by frimble at 7:00 AM on June 4, 2012


One of the grocery stores I frequent is close to this now. I can pick up a handheld scanner, scan my groceries as I pick them out, and bag them in the cart as I walk through the store. When finished, I head to the unmanned register, scan the sign with the scanner, and pay for my groceries.

What prevents you from scanning the day-old, on sale cube steak and then putting the wagu beef in your cart? Are there redundancies in the system?
posted by Forktine at 7:32 AM on June 4, 2012


I guess I'm the only one horrified at the idea of malfunctioning robotic hairwashers ripping off my scalp? What's next, robotic "intimate groomers" in unnerving proximity to one's tender vittles? Nooo thank you.
posted by emjaybee at 7:33 AM on June 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


What prevents you from scanning the day-old, on sale cube steak and then putting the wagu beef in your cart? Are there redundancies in the system?

They do random audits of carts as you pull out. They grab three things at random out of your bags and check to make sure they are on the receipt. I used that system for many months, and was audited maybe two or three times.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:38 AM on June 4, 2012


I was only able to get through about a third of that article. The color changes made me want to strangle someone.
posted by Malor at 7:47 AM on June 4, 2012


Can someone please explain to me the difference between the hair thing and a head-sized carwash? And thus, why there would be any reason besides a complete lack of market for such an invention that it would be two-to-four years away?
posted by Navelgazer at 7:55 AM on June 4, 2012


oh no the color cycling makes me puke my pants
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 8:01 AM on June 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


When you describe it as a head-sized carwash, it actually sounds sort of appealing. But maybe that's just me?
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:02 AM on June 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


Well, if that automatic headwasher is more comfortable than those evil sinks at the hair salon, count me in.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:04 AM on June 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


When you describe it as a head-sized carwash, it actually sounds sort of appealing. But maybe that's just me?

Not just you.

I'm envisioning a large apparatus where first you'd sit in a chair with roller-wheelies, and then stick your head up through the somehow-self-sealing floor of a big-head-sized tunnel. Then a grabbing dingus grabs your chair and pulls you through a series of spinny brush things and dangling wobbly baleen things and suchlike, like in the glorious car washes of old. At the end a robot arm hangs a little pine tree shaped air freshener around your neck.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:18 AM on June 4, 2012 [4 favorites]


I'm reminded of those 1950s commercials that "predicted" that future we'd have today. You know the type I'm talking about: housewives in pretty dresses pushing buttons and a tray of meat slides out like magic.

That's what this is: a tray of magic meat.
posted by Fizz at 8:24 AM on June 4, 2012 [3 favorites]


These read like the rejected ideas for Homer Simpsons' inventions in the episode where he invented stuff like the "Everything is Okay" alarm and that shotgun that delivered makeup.
posted by MoonOrb at 8:28 AM on June 4, 2012 [9 favorites]


ROU_Xenophobe: "Then a grabbing dingus grabs your chair and pulls you through a series of spinny brush things and dangling wobbly baleen things and suchlike, like in the glorious car washes of old."

With this music playing in the background.
posted by Rock Steady at 8:35 AM on June 4, 2012 [1 favorite]




I'm reminded of those 1950s commercials that "predicted" that future we'd have today. You know the type I'm talking about: housewives in pretty dresses pushing buttons and a tray of meat slides out like magic.

That's what this is: a tray of magic meat.




Century 21 Calling PUSH BUTTON PHONING!

Design For Dreaming future may not be available as seen, future not available in Asia, Africa, Central or South America!
posted by The Whelk at 8:44 AM on June 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


I can't say for the rest of the list, but 48fps for movie is going to be a disaster. I watched some tech demo at a theatre and it looked like shit, video like movement. This a is completely cultural/nostalgic bias. People are not going to get over it. It looks like those flat sceen tv with the motion compensation option on. Makes every image look like a cheap 90's sitcom.

This is going to be worse than s3d.
posted by SageLeVoid at 9:02 AM on June 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


The right way to check self-ringing carts is by weighing the carts on the way out, as they do with the bagging area for self-checkout. Auditing random customers seems like a really good way to alienate customers.

Oh, and the cell phone/speakerphone delayed playback issue is not just stressful and awkward: if you're quick, it is also a perfect opportunity for signing row, row, row your boat.
posted by davejay at 9:19 AM on June 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


A hospital where I spent a few weeks as a student nurse had automatic hand washing machines that were kind of like this hair washing device. I think it might have been this one, or at least something very similar. You put your arms up to the elbows into these tubes and they spin and spray soap and water to get you clean. It's terrifying. The inside of the machine, due to the water and soap jets, looks like a cheese grater, and it spins at high speeds. Every time I put my arms in, I felt certain they were about to be shredded. I'll wash my [everything] by myself, thank you very much.

(That said, I will happily ride through an automatic car wash even if my car isn't dirty, just because it's fun.)
posted by vytae at 9:21 AM on June 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Real synthohol with a pill I can take that automatically gives me the ability to drive?

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.
posted by zephyr_words at 9:26 AM on June 4, 2012 [4 favorites]


What I want is some sort of highly-flexible, transparent interface I can fold up and put in my pocket, has a perfect keyboard, and, when I need more screen real estate, that can project images onto a wall, or even as a hologram in front of my face.
posted by KokuRyu at 9:29 AM on June 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Notably, the writing was WORSE than Cracked.

Word. Who's to blame for the following randomly pulled snippet?

Still, the image quality takes some getting used to. At an industry conference where Jackson previewed scenes featuring higher-frame-rate hobbits, critics complained that the hyperclarity made the scenes look like live television rather than cinema. It will doubtless take some getting used to.

This grey-lady piece makes the writing in Cracked sound like Milton on a caffeine high. Disgraceful.
posted by Gordion Knott at 9:31 AM on June 4, 2012


The bicycle one is especially interesting to me:

-Anti theft handlebars? Good luck with that. Bike theft is like online piracy- any security method will eventually be circumvented. They way to reduce bike theft is to actually investigate thefts; prosecute people for receiving and re-selling stolen bikes; and to work towards structural change so that a bicycle is less likely to be a unit of currency for crack.

-Drive shaft systems already exist, however they are expensive and more complicated to maintain (much like motorcycles with drive shafts). Belt drives also exist, and work relatively well (until the belt brakes). There is also a thing called a chain guard which has been effective at keeping chain grease off of trousers for about 100 years or so (also, simply learning how to ride a bike without a chain guard in such a way that you avoid the "Cat 6 Tattoo")

-Frame materials. This has really been one of the main areas of innovation in cycling since the perfection of the diamond safety frame (and excusing things like the "superman" riding position or the Y-foil, which for various reasons have not persisted in competitive cycling). Of course, this revolution happened nearly 20 years ago, and monocoque carbon-fibre frames are now the norm in competitive and high-end road cycling.

In the future, websites will change colour entirely of their own accord- you won't even have to take 'shrooms before going online!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:39 AM on June 4, 2012


"The problem with laptops and tablets, says Mark Rolston of the design firm Frog, is that they’re confined by a screen. He wants to turn the entire room into a monitor,"

FUCK THAT.
posted by lalochezia at 10:11 AM on June 4, 2012 [6 favorites]


Just to be contrarian, some of these 'innovations' really are part of world-changing trends.

One is mastery over our bodies and illness. There was a time when we didn't know the size or shape of the world, when storms came without warning, when predatory animals were an uncontrollable threat. That's pretty much our current relationship with our bodies: we don't know much of how they work, we don't know we're sick until long after it happens, and once we guess that something's wrong, we have only the bluntest of clubs to try to fix it. When it comes to medical treatment, we're skilled cavemen facing the great unknown.

That feels like a fundamental fact of being human -- because it always has been -- but it's no more inevitable than our ignorance of the shape of the earth. There could be a time when you know exactly why you're starting to get that headache or feeling sleepy all the time, when illnesses are automatically detected and treated before you ever find out about them, when you can just change your body to correct for the things it's not good at. It will be hard for people in that time to even imagine the horrors we accept now. So the small steps in this article -- inventions that monitor you while you sleep to detect illness, or identify molecules in the blood that correlate to depression, or (hypothetically) permanently prevent sunburn -- are neat to hear about.

The other general trend a few of these hint at is the computerization of everything. When cars all communicate with each other, traffic management will be a fundamentally different thing than it is now. When our contact lenses annotate the world around us, lots of basic day-to-day activities will be fundamentally different. What computers touch, they change, and it's fun to imagine where that might happen next. (It's interesting that Google seems to be doing some heavy lifting both on self-driving cars and augmented reality. Maybe they're not just an ad company?)

Anyway! Yes, it's just a fluffy lifestyle piece in NYT Magazine. But there are some engaging signposts here toward real new-age-of-humanity type changes, and I got to spend some time thinking about them -- so thanks for that.

Plus better coffee and higher-framerate movies and more dangerous playgrounds are all wins in my book, if any investigative journalists from the Style section want to dig a little deeper here.
posted by Honorable John at 10:17 AM on June 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


Cool inventions, inventors, but for your next project could you invent pantyhose that doesn't run? Thanks in advance.
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:20 AM on June 4, 2012


Maybe they're not just an ad company?

Meh, dollars-to-donuts they're just planning to run context-sensitive ads in your field of vision & whenever you ride in a vehicle and mine your activity for better ad targeting data.
posted by aramaic at 10:25 AM on June 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Number four doesn't seem so out there. I want one so I can have a huge digital whiteboard covering my entire office. Not world changing, but a heck of a lot of fun.
posted by smidgen at 10:27 AM on June 4, 2012


Oh, and 17, definitely 17
posted by smidgen at 10:30 AM on June 4, 2012


Synthohol made out of "chemicals similar to benzodiazepines"? I'm not sure that's a great solution to anything, since benzos are also pretty hard to kick. OTOH, if it lets people get "drunk" without wrecking their health or their cars, maybe a lifetime addiction is a small price to pay.
posted by Daily Alice at 10:34 AM on June 4, 2012




I like the color changing idea - but not the implementation. This is a great way to hint at how much of the article you've read vs how much you have to go, without having to look at the scroll bar.

Perhaps making the screen go from white to a light grey would have been better?
posted by Monkey0nCrack at 10:47 AM on June 4, 2012


"without having to look at the scroll bar" - and why can't you glance at the scrollbar?
posted by zeoslap at 10:54 AM on June 4, 2012


I still can't believe the hair washing one could make any list of life-changing inventions, no matter how unimpressive.

Really? Soothing, reliable body work is one of the tasks that make up a surprising part of the human existence, not just self care for the able bodied, but battalions of physically handicapped or elderly people who need people to help them with basic quality of life issues.

Now there is the issue of putting low skilled caretaking employees out of work, but that in itself is life changing, just like the invention of other domestically labour saving devices played a role in freeing women for other occupations. Washing machines, detergents, vacuums and so forth are all both mundane and pretty awesome.
posted by Phalene at 11:07 AM on June 4, 2012


The right way to check self-ringing carts is by weighing the carts on the way out, as they do with the bagging area for self-checkout. Auditing random customers seems like a really good way to alienate customers.

They were always super nice about it. Even if you screwed up and missed scanning an item, they didn't act like they caught you cheating, but just that the scanner might have malfunctioned or something. You needed to use your discount card to activate the scanners, so maybe they tracked people to see if they made too many "mistakes" over a period of time. I'm sure they were happy to put up with some amount of "shrinkage" if it meant fewer cashiers.
posted by Rock Steady at 11:08 AM on June 4, 2012


I'm sure they were happy to put up with some amount of "shrinkage" if it meant fewer cashiers.

I'm certain that not having to pay hourly wages, fringe, and overhead for however many employees you'd need to check the same amount of groceries is still a big savings that well offsets the occasional scammer, and that the audits are pretty much a security theatre tactic. We are doing great at conveniencing our own way out of a job market. Supermarket jobs used to be quite good and quite steady, paying above average wages and often unionized. Oh well.
posted by Miko at 11:17 AM on June 4, 2012 [3 favorites]


ROU_Xenophobe: "Then a grabbing dingus grabs your chair and pulls you through a series of spinny brush things and dangling wobbly baleen things and suchlike, like in the glorious car washes of old."

With this music playing in the background.

posted by Rock Steady

I think you mean this music.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:29 AM on June 4, 2012


With this music playing in the background.

I was imagining more that it would blare "Entrance of the Gladiators" and that the head-tunnel would flash subliminal images of clowns with knives.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:38 AM on June 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Your spandex can now subtly nag you to work out.

If I need to work out why the hell am I wearing spandex?
posted by Splunge at 11:51 AM on June 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


Hands Free Hair Washing

I'm finding it increasingly difficult to tell when the New York Times Magazine is being sarcastic. (See also most of the "One Page Magazine")
posted by yarrow at 1:00 PM on June 4, 2012


And my personal jet pack still evades me.
posted by arcticseal at 1:07 PM on June 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


arcticseal: "And my personal jet pack still evades me."

You shouldn't have turned it on without wearing it then. Once it runs out of fissible material, the autolanding sequence should activate, and then you can just use the Find My Jetpack app on your smartphone to track it down. You did activate Find My Jetpack when you registered it, didn't you?
posted by Rock Steady at 1:34 PM on June 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


"Imagine a world in which embedded technology helps you tell the difference between eggs and milk."
posted by user92371 at 1:51 PM on June 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Imagine a world where the economic system has collapsed and we’re trying to just feed ourselves because all of our time, money, and brain power went into bullshit like hair washing machines.
posted by bongo_x at 2:17 PM on June 4, 2012 [4 favorites]


Actually, epileptics should prefer the 60fps. The trigger frequency is usually around 10fps, which is why alternating single-colored frames at 24fps, effectively flashing at 12fps, is so disturbing.

Depends on the epileptic. Some aren't triggered photo sensitively at all. Some... I'm pretty bad in that I can't play quite a lot of video games and can have "driving through a forest on a sunny afternoon" be bad enough to trigger a migraine just from the light flickering through the trees.

There have been studies [pdf] done on video games and epilepsy, the basic takeaway is that if you're photosensitive to begin with, you shouldn't be playing video games no matter what the frequency. (Also: that the current way that TVs are set up is just about ideal for inducing a seizure.)

Anecdotal evidence from a quick googling shows *more* disruption w/r/t seizure activity at 60fps and even non-epileptics claiming of "seizure headache" playing games at that frequency.
posted by sonika at 2:43 PM on June 4, 2012


"Imagine a world in which embedded technology helps you tell the difference between eggs and milk."

I have this already. They're called "eyes"
posted by dave78981 at 2:48 PM on June 4, 2012 [5 favorites]


I'm pretty interested in this synthetic alcohol idea. I know it's possible to engineer or find safer/less addictive/more intoxicating/less side effects psychoactive substances, but what are the chances that the government would actually license and allow a new recreational drug to go to market? Even now, things like alcohol, tobacco and coffee are primarily allowed through FDA exemptions, so where in the regulatory framework would a synthetic recreational drug go? I mean, besides Schedule I, where they put all the other ones with no regard to their actual health effects and addictive potentials. They also forgot to include the [insert number of years] for FDA certification, it looks like.
posted by nTeleKy at 3:12 PM on June 4, 2012


@SageLeVoid
I can't say for the rest of the list, but 48fps for movie is going to be a disaster. I watched some tech demo at a theatre and it looked like shit, video like movement. This a is completely cultural/nostalgic bias. People are not going to get over it. It looks like those flat sceen tv with the motion compensation option on. Makes every image look like a cheap 90's sitcom.
Ohh, is that what I seem to notice on friends' TVs? I thought I was just going crazy, because nobody believed me when I said stuff like "It looks like they're on a set, can't you see it?!?".
posted by montag2k at 3:30 PM on June 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


On the Shutup Gun: “It’s different from conventional weapons such as samurai swords,” Kurihara says. “We hope it will build a more peaceful world.”

Yeah. Until the day that someone uses a Boom Boom Gun to shoot a person using the Shutup Gun on them.
posted by Splunge at 4:42 PM on June 4, 2012


If the shampoo machine is as good as getting your hair washed at the salon, I'm in. I love how clean and tingly my scalp feels after getting my hair washed by someone else. I'd do it every time I need to wash my hair if I could afford it.
posted by SuzySmith at 4:48 PM on June 4, 2012


18. The Liar's Workout: What’s the new psychological trick for improving performance? Strategic lying. When amateur golfers were told, falsely, that a club belonged to the professional golfer Ben Curtis, they putted better than other golfers using the same club...

Hey, that sounds like a pretty cool motivati- Oh, wait, apparently this won't be invented for another two years, so, uh, no one use it yet.
posted by FreelanceBureaucrat at 9:33 PM on June 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Electric Clothes, The New Coffee, Analytical Undies, Teeth That Think...
Who said that all the good band names are taken?
posted by Crane Shot at 10:15 PM on June 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


Number 31 is clearly just a robotic tribble. AND I WANT ONE.
posted by Grafix at 8:13 AM on June 5, 2012


My reaction to the hairwasher was to imagine the painful minutes, maybe even hours (given that my head is attached to a machine and omg did I leave my cellphone within reach??), trying to disentangle my hair from such a machine, unsuccessfully, resulting in a nearly-shaved head.

Plus they're likely to be so expensive that I could more cheaply hire a friend to come over daily and wash my hair in the sink, in 5 minutes or less.
posted by IndigoRain at 12:46 PM on June 5, 2012


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