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Take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing OATMEAL!!!
June 6, 2012 10:13 AM   Subscribe

Hamlet is a pig. Hamlet really wants some oatmeal. To get that oatmeal he has to go down the stairs. (single link CUTESTTHINGEVER)

via Jezebel
posted by davidjmcgee (101 comments total) 34 users marked this as a favorite

 
Well, now I have to ask Shepherd if we have a mini-pig. Of course, Old Lady Cat might think we've brought her a tribute.
posted by Kitteh at 10:16 AM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Just give him that damn oatmeal!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 10:17 AM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


That is not just a pig, that is also a sentient squeaky toy.
posted by Mizu at 10:18 AM on June 6, 2012 [22 favorites]


Hamlet looks remarkably like he's a character in a platform game.
posted by jamaro at 10:19 AM on June 6, 2012 [6 favorites]


You can actually see when he realizes that each step is the same and requires the same technique to traverse.
posted by tommasz at 10:19 AM on June 6, 2012 [13 favorites]


Even cute little guys like that grow up. Still cute, but not quite the same thing. :-)

(as far as I know, that's the same pig.)
posted by Malor at 10:20 AM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Laertes is something of a douchebag too.
posted by Naberius at 10:21 AM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


I still can't figure out if it's a bad thing or a good thing that I have absolutely no sense of cognitive dissidence in thinking that piglets are adorable AND that bacon is delicious.
posted by elizardbits at 10:22 AM on June 6, 2012 [38 favorites]


That was so cute, it hurt my womb.
posted by Deathalicious at 10:22 AM on June 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


OMG so cuuuuuute!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:22 AM on June 6, 2012


god dammnit I was literally seconds away form posting this.

also: OMG LOOK HOW CUTE AND TINY AND OMG LITTLE PIGGY NOISES
posted by The Whelk at 10:24 AM on June 6, 2012 [10 favorites]


He seems to have grown up a bit since then. I love how he falls limp in joy when he gets a tummy rub. I lived with cats for a month, and that was my favorite thing to do.
posted by yaymukund at 10:25 AM on June 6, 2012 [5 favorites]


Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Fed.
posted by The Whelk at 10:25 AM on June 6, 2012 [31 favorites]


The back of my throat hurts now.
posted by DU at 10:26 AM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


There's a Wilford Brimley that shapes rear ends, rough chew them how we will.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:26 AM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


You can actually see when he realizes that each step is the same and requires the same technique to traverse.

I was imagining him thinking "the scale on this is so inconvenient. Maybe the next one will be... nope, maybe the next... nope. Oh, to hell with it."
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:27 AM on June 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


That was so cute, it hurt my womb.

Me too, and I'm a boy.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 10:27 AM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


I still can't figure out if it's a bad thing or a good thing that I have absolutely no sense of cognitive dissidence in thinking that piglets are adorable AND that bacon is delicious.

THE BACON COMES FROM OTHER PIGS.

Not this pig.

This is the petting pig.
posted by kbanas at 10:27 AM on June 6, 2012 [55 favorites]


He should have gone ahead and gotten the Mechanical Rooster while he was upstairs, though.
posted by jbickers at 10:28 AM on June 6, 2012


cognitive dissidence

We've always been at war with Cerebellea.
posted by DU at 10:29 AM on June 6, 2012 [21 favorites]


See, he doesn't even need a show-off spider to win the hearts of millions.
posted by The Whelk at 10:29 AM on June 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


yeah, so i read all tomorrow's parties in the bath last night, obviously
posted by elizardbits at 10:32 AM on June 6, 2012


Wait, so is it a thing now for people to have pigs as pets?
posted by schmod at 10:32 AM on June 6, 2012


Maybe a bit late - but another Hamlet video.

Angry birds style and piggy
....
posted by tkappleton at 10:32 AM on June 6, 2012


The final leap right into the bowl is priceless.

Step... step... okay... one more to go! OATMEAL!! WOO!!
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:33 AM on June 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


You'd think a grown-up Hamlet would just be called Ham.
posted by WalterMitty at 10:34 AM on June 6, 2012


When my wife found out about teacup dandies, we must have had 6 months worth of conversations that went exactly like this:

Mrs. R. Schlock: *random and unprovoked misty eyes*
R. Schlock: *ignores*
MRS: *really really aggressively misty eyes*
RS: "No"
MRS: "No what? You don't even know what I was going to say."
RS: "You want to get a teacup dandy."
MRS: "Ok. That's what I was going to say."
RS: "No."
MRS: "Why not?"
RS: "Because breeders lie. You get them and then they grow into full sized pigs who live in your house, violate zoning laws, shit everywhere and destroy everything you own."
MRS: "No they don't."
RS: "Yes. They do."
MRS: "But they wear diapers. Little tiny diapers. And they're really, really smart."
RS: "I don't want to share my house with a pig. Also, we have Jewish friends."
MRS: "I hate you."

*time passes*

MRS: "I want a baby."
posted by R. Schlock at 10:35 AM on June 6, 2012 [56 favorites]


I swore I was only ever going to do this once, so I wanted to wait for the right opportunity. Today that day has come. Ahem.

MetaFilter: OMG LOOK HOW CUTE AND TINY AND OMG LITTLE PIGGY NOISES
posted by davidjmcgee at 10:38 AM on June 6, 2012 [4 favorites]


> Wait, so is it a thing now for people to have pigs as pets

It's been a thing for a while. In Seattle the schools have signs telling people that, during school hours, they can't bring their cats, dogs, or potbellied pigs to the playgrounds.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:39 AM on June 6, 2012


Ahhh, look at him in the pool!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:52 AM on June 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


Metafilter: cognitive dissidence
posted by Outlawyr at 10:53 AM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Can we get a "please delete before my wife gets home" flag? Please?
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 10:54 AM on June 6, 2012 [4 favorites]


Ahhh, look at him in the pool!

"What is that what is that what is that I need to get in there need to get in there need to get in there. [gets in there] Oh. Um. NEVER MIND BYE."
posted by davidjmcgee at 10:55 AM on June 6, 2012


Where is Parry Gripp when you need him?
posted by briank at 10:55 AM on June 6, 2012 [4 favorites]


Mini pig ... mini pig wants some oatmeal ... down the stairs.
posted by uncleozzy at 10:56 AM on June 6, 2012


My dog used to climb up and down stairs the same way. He was a brave little guy; lived to be almost 16. I miss him every day.

The little oinks are almost unbearably cute.
posted by candasartan at 10:57 AM on June 6, 2012


I saw this yesterday and it got me thisclose to cutting out pork.
posted by sweetkid at 11:01 AM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


actual IM conversation with my wife from this afternoon. i've heard nothing back since i sent it, so i assume my wife is now dead.

Kyle: NICKI
OH MY GOD

Nicole: wha

Kyle: can you
can you get sound for like 45 seconds

Nicole: yes

Kyle: this will honestly change your life
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7leMctSTMc&feature=youtu.be
and i'm not over-stating things
IT MUST HAVE SOUND
posted by kbanas at 11:02 AM on June 6, 2012 [8 favorites]


This just happened:

video: oink oink oink honk squeak

me: *le squee* I WANT LEETLE PIGGY


cat: the hell you do /deathglare
posted by louche mustachio at 11:02 AM on June 6, 2012 [5 favorites]


Many years ago, I was shoveling my walk on Thanksgiving, getting ready to have some feasters over. There I was -- shovel, shovel, shovel -- thinking my shoveling thoughts. Then, suddenly Weeeeeee!

"What?" I thought. and looked around.
"Weeeeeee!" I looked some more.
"Weeeeeeee!" I finally located the source of the complaint across the street. My neighbors had a Vietnamese Pot Bellied pig, who was, apparently, being introduced to snow. He was not pleased. He stood at the top of the porch stairs, outraged at this trick of nature, as his keepers tried to cajole him out into the yard. He was having none of it.

Eventually, they resorted to pushing, and he half-fell, half-stumbled down the stairs with another "Weeeeeeee!" He then stumped into the middle of the yard and stood, forelegs braced and head down, as if to say "you can make me go out in the snow, but you can't make me like it."

Later on, I met him formally. His name was Ivan, and he was quite the gentleman.
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:10 AM on June 6, 2012 [16 favorites]


No one has mentioned the... [SPOILER ALERT] triumphant dive into the food bowl at the end?

That was the best part.
posted by Trurl at 11:11 AM on June 6, 2012 [4 favorites]


I was expecting the last line of that to be "and he was delicious!"
posted by elizardbits at 11:11 AM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


This video is making me reassess my choices and the decisions that have led me to my current, minipig-less existence. My husband already hates you.
posted by snickerdoodle at 11:13 AM on June 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


PIGGY!! Pig pig pig.
posted by sc114 at 11:15 AM on June 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


I am nursing my Wisconsin recall wounds. I have managed not to resort to William and Kate's wedding, but I've now watched something like eight Hamlet videos.

And, yes, trying to figure out how we could own a house soon so we could get one for our very own.

Thank you.
posted by Madamina at 11:16 AM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Mrs. R. Schlock: *random and unprovoked misty eyes*
R. Schlock: *ignores*
MRS: *really really aggressively misty eyes*
RS: "No"
MRS: "No what? You don't even know what I was going to say."
RS: "You want to get a teacup dandy baby."
MRS: "Ok. That's what I was going to say."
RS: "No."
MRS: "Why not?"
RS: "Because breeders lie. You get them and then they grow into full sized pigs teenagers who live in your house, violate zoning laws, shit everywhere and destroy everything you own."
MRS: "No they don't."
RS: "Yes. They do."
MRS: "But they wear diapers. Little tiny diapers. And they're really, really smart."
RS: "I don't want to share my house with a pig. Also, we have Jewish friends."
MRS: "I hate you."

*time passes*

MRS: "I want a baby dandy teacup."


I think it works better this way.
posted by backseatpilot at 11:18 AM on June 6, 2012 [4 favorites]


Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Fed.

My love for the Whelk knows no bounds.
posted by scody at 11:25 AM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


I still can't figure out if it's a bad thing or a good thing that I have absolutely no sense of cognitive dissidence in thinking that piglets are adorable AND that bacon is delicious.

mmmmm...tasty homegrown.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:25 AM on June 6, 2012


I live next to a mosque. I think I'd better pass.
posted by scruss at 11:26 AM on June 6, 2012


There used to be this grouchy hipster guy around Capitol Hill who would bring his adult pot bellied pig with him to various hipster joints, like the coffee shop or the bar. This pretty good sized black pig would sit at the guy's feet on a leash as a constant stream of strangers would walk by and go, "is that a pig?"

The guy would snarl back "No!" or "You think so? All this time I thought it was a labrador retreiver!" and similar cuddly witticisms.
posted by mwhybark at 11:30 AM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


I just had a thought. Hog farmers could do a sort of lease program, where for a moderate fee, you get the TINY ADORABLE PIGLET for the first year or so to fill your home with little delightful oinks. And then, just as it starts to become a large destructive poop machine, the lease is up and it goes back to the farmer. Who, he assures you, has a large yard for the pig to frolic in for the rest of it's days, but sorry, no visits allowed. The farmer gets the lease fee and saves a year of husbandry expenses, you get delightful oinking.

I'm wondering if I'm just too cynical, or if this is actually a brilliant business model.
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 11:32 AM on June 6, 2012 [18 favorites]


I'd eat him for dinner. Nice to watch while eating a ham and pork salami sandwich.
posted by ambient2 at 11:42 AM on June 6, 2012


Homeboy Trouble: The pet store here rents baby chicks out for Easter weekend and then gives them to either a chicken or egg farm.
posted by ODiV at 11:45 AM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


For some reason, this exacerbates my latent tendency to repeat "sausages sausages!" in a cockney falsetto.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:49 AM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


That was so cute, it hurt my womb.
posted by Deathalicious


Mine too! And I'm a dude.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 11:52 AM on June 6, 2012


Apologies, 10th Regiment.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 11:53 AM on June 6, 2012


For some reason, this exacerbates my latent tendency to repeat "sausages sausages!" in a cockney falsetto.

....Sweeny Todd ....performed by pigs.

You'd watch it, you know you would.
posted by The Whelk at 11:54 AM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Homeboy Trouble, my friends had a similar idea, just with dogs. You get a puppy, a tiny, milk-smelling, sleepy, clumsy cuddle machine. Then, when it gets bigger, more annoying and less adorable, you return it. They send it back to you in the form of slippers, along with a new pooch (assuming your pet break has been long enough). They wanted to call it EverPuppy.

I think they were kidding.
posted by Athene at 11:55 AM on June 6, 2012



Ahem.

That's some pig.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 11:57 AM on June 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


EverPuppy
posted by The Whelk at 11:58 AM on June 6, 2012


Well-dressed piglet causes scene on busy road
posted by homunculus at 12:02 PM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


I don't eat swine, but maybe I'd make an exception for this little oat fed cutie.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:18 PM on June 6, 2012


Can we get a "please delete before my wife gets home" flag? Please?

Just show her this
posted by exogenous at 12:19 PM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


I know they get big and less cute, so I do not want one for myself. My dog admirably fills the Large Animal Whose Snout Makes Weird Noises niche in my home.

I just want to grab one, stuff my face into its belly, and make plllbbbttt noises.
posted by cmyk at 12:23 PM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Seems like everyone names their little pet pigs "Hamlet". I'd name mine Napoleon.
posted by sourwookie at 12:30 PM on June 6, 2012


I don't really want to own that pig. I want to be it. I like oatmeal, I dunno.
posted by angrycat at 12:31 PM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


How do you house train a baby pig?
posted by jeather at 12:35 PM on June 6, 2012


With an apple and a good spice rub.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:37 PM on June 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


How do you house train a baby pig?

In one of the comments on her videos she mentions that it uses a litter box. This is the first result on Google, but it seems pretty legitimate.
posted by codacorolla at 12:43 PM on June 6, 2012


If it helps any, pigs also find pigs delicious.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 12:45 PM on June 6, 2012


I guess it's time for me to swear off pork. Again.
posted by peripathetic at 12:53 PM on June 6, 2012


Every once in a while you can see it when an animal decides to carpe diem. That last step was one of those moments.
posted by workerant at 12:56 PM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


sourwookie: "Seems like everyone names their little pet pigs "Hamlet"."

Which is a bit of gallows humor that undercuts the cuteness for me. Not by much though.
posted by brundlefly at 12:56 PM on June 6, 2012


I still can't figure out if it's a bad thing or a good thing that I have absolutely no sense of cognitive dissidence in thinking that piglets are adorable AND that bacon is delicious.

Ahem:

This young grad student and his wife get in a huge fight, and he storms out of the house, slams the door, gets in the car and just starts to drive. He's just so mad he doesn't even pay attention to where he's going or what turns he makes. About 4 or 5 hours later, he starts to calm down, but by then he's so far down the back-country roads he doesn't even know what state he's in let alone how to get home.

The situation looks pretty grim, it's dark, he's lost, and the gas tank is running pretty close to empty. He pulls over to get his bearing, and he notices that he's in farm land. He finally decides to just stay in the car till morning (which is only a few hours away), and then see if he can't find a farm house to get directions at. So he, leans the seat back and tries to go to sleep.

At some point the guy must have drifted off because he's woken up by somebody tapping at his window. It looks to be about dawn. He gets out, and explains the situation to the farmer, who gives him directions, and takes him back to the farm house so he can call his wife and a even gives him a can of gas. The whole time that this is going on, this three legged pig's sitting in the back of the farmers pick-up truck on a dog bed, with a BIG bucket of slop next to him.

Finally as he's about to pull off the man finally says "I've got to ask, what's the deal with that pig?"

The farmer says "Well, that there's a special pig, he saved my life. One day while the wife was gone for the weekend, my tractor tipped over and I got trapped under. That pig stayed with me the whole time, and only left to get me food and water. THEN he helped my wife drag me out from under the machine."

The guy says "How'd he lose his leg pulling you out?"

"Oh he didn't, you see that's not all this pig's done for me. Since that day, I always let him follow me around, and good thing too. I was out hunting one time, and heard this snuffing behind me, Sure enough, there was was this big ol' Mamma bear and her cub. That pig there, he got in between me and the bear to give me time to run off."

"So he lost his leg then?"

The farmer looks at the guy and says "I'd have told you if he did."

The guy's getting pretty fed up at this point, and says "Well then why on earth does that pig only have three legs?"

The farmer just gives him a pitying look and says "Boy, they really don't teach you anything useful in those schools, a pig that special, you don't eat all at once."
posted by Gygesringtone at 1:24 PM on June 6, 2012 [4 favorites]


My dog admirably fills the Large Animal Whose Snout Makes Weird Noises niche in my home.

Whereas in my home, that's my responsibility.
posted by Grangousier at 1:32 PM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


There was something adorably Space Invaders-y about his back-and-forth scuffle on each stair before he descended to the next one.

I want small animals to surround me in my life and be cute for my pleasure. Fuck this career bullshit.
posted by Phire at 1:52 PM on June 6, 2012 [4 favorites]


"Also, let's not forget - let's *not* forget, Dude - that keeping wildlife, an [oatmeal-eating pig], for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either.
posted by obscurator at 2:02 PM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Christ on a crutch can you people stop talking about bacon for ONE FRIGGIN' MINUTE OF YOUR LIFE so I can enjoy watching the cute piggy?
posted by kyrademon at 2:07 PM on June 6, 2012 [8 favorites]


Seems like everyone names their little pet pigs "Hamlet". I'd name mine Napoleon.

I would name mine Kevin.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 2:49 PM on June 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


Sir Francis Bacon.
posted by vers at 3:18 PM on June 6, 2012


Wilbur!
posted by pupdog at 3:44 PM on June 6, 2012


Rasher.
posted by antiquated at 4:09 PM on June 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


I wonder if you could make proper chitlins out of such adorable little intestines.
posted by Burhanistan at 4:10 PM on June 6, 2012


Carnitas.
posted by jamaro at 4:42 PM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Such trepidation!
posted by Jess the Mess at 4:42 PM on June 6, 2012


Hamlet looks remarkably like he's a character in a platform game.

There was something adorably Space Invaders-y about his back-and-forth scuffle on each stair before he descended to the next one.

I thought the same thing, then I realized that my dog makes the same kind of jerky stop-motion movement when stalking cats, squirrels, and plastic bags. I guess for a pig, oatmeal is similarly dangerous prey.
posted by Panjandrum at 5:26 PM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


....Sweeny Todd ....performed by pigs.

Swiney Todd
posted by baniak at 5:40 PM on June 6, 2012 [5 favorites]


I'm wondering if I'm just too cynical, or if this is actually a brilliant business model.

B! The answer is B! Please add me to the mailing list.
posted by vytae at 7:08 PM on June 6, 2012


Swiney Todd: The Demon Porker of Meat Street
posted by Joey Michaels at 7:48 PM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Tiny squeaky pig!

I rarely actually watch an entire youtube video but I might watch that one again.
posted by insectosaurus at 8:26 PM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


The pig, if I am not mistaken,
Supplies us sausage, ham, and bacon.
Let others say his heart is big;
I call it stupid of the pig.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:06 PM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Fed.

I don't know them, but it seems like two guys with "Rosen" and "stern" in their names wouldn't be eating pork?
posted by chela at 6:48 PM on June 7, 2012


The 10th Regiment of Foot: "That was so cute, it hurt my womb.

Me too, and I'm a boy.
"

Yeah, for those who don't know, my womb was also imaginary.
posted by Deathalicious at 7:32 AM on June 11, 2012


I find the whole 'teacup pig' lie really, really horrible.
How many videos are there on youtube of pigs who are only a few weeks or months old, versus how many of actual full grown pigs, 3-5 years old, and more than 150-250 pounds?
Most of the videos are of pigs too young to be separated from their mother, so it's tragic and cruel too.

Just to summarise for anyone who doesn't know - there is no such thing as a teacup pig. A miniature pig is like a miniature horse - still pretty damn big.

Exogenous provided a really good link: http://www.teacuppig.info/

Here's what Hamlet will probably look like full grown: http://www.teacuppig.info/uploads/My_name_is_Piggy_X_1_.pdf
posted by Elysum at 6:33 PM on June 11, 2012


Boing
posted by homunculus at 11:44 PM on June 13, 2012


I find the whole 'teacup pig' lie really, really horrible.

I'll tell you what's horrible! Have you ever tried to eat a full-grown teacup shihtzu? I don't care how many times he's licked the whipped cream off Mommy's frappichino, there's no goddamn meat on the things!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 8:39 AM on June 15, 2012


ProTip: Fry the skins in duck fat like cracklings. Makes a tasty snack.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:13 AM on June 15, 2012


Nah, you just eat them whole and spit the bones out after you suck the meat off them.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:06 AM on June 15, 2012


You know what? I still think this is the cutest thing ever. But it's also had a profound impact on my life. I realize it's probably pretty strange to have my outlook on life changed by a YouTube video of a pig, but then I'm probably pretty strange.

Hamlet really really really wants oatmeal, but the stairs are so scary, but oatmeal, but stairs, BUT OATMEAL.

Hamlet makes me want to be more brave. In my life. The stairs are scary but goddamnit the oatmeal is worth it, and if Hamlet can do it then why can't I?

I've made some pretty huge life changes since posting this three weeks ago. Exciting. Scary. But there's oatmeal at the bottom of these here stairs and no time like the present.

OATMEAL!
posted by davidjmcgee at 8:06 AM on June 26, 2012 [3 favorites]


Mystery over runaway piglet found hiding with alpacas
posted by homunculus at 9:24 AM on June 26, 2012


Hamlet makes me want to be more brave. In my life. The stairs are scary but goddamnit the oatmeal is worth it, and if Hamlet can do it then why can't I?

This is so adorable.
posted by sweetkid at 9:51 AM on June 26, 2012 [1 favorite]


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