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June 6, 2012 2:20 PM   Subscribe

Calm.com
posted by Fizz (56 comments total) 20 users marked this as a favorite

 
Congratulations. You have won the prize for the shortest FPP.
posted by MuffinMan at 2:22 PM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


How do they make money off it?
posted by alms at 2:24 PM on June 6, 2012


with a voice-over by David 8? best viral yet ?!
posted by the_very_hungry_caterpillar at 2:24 PM on June 6, 2012


How do they make money off it?

Volume!
posted by Greg Nog at 2:25 PM on June 6, 2012 [15 favorites]


Is it bad that I couldn't relax because I kept expecting some kind of hideous zombie to jump out of the ocean?
posted by The Bellman at 2:28 PM on June 6, 2012 [37 favorites]


Honestly, I really needed this today. I'm a big fan of simple, guided meditations and the 2-minute one really helped me refocus in the midst of what has been a rather disjointed and hectic workday.
posted by asnider at 2:34 PM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


But I already have zombocom...
posted by 256 at 2:34 PM on June 6, 2012 [15 favorites]


After about the first minute all I wanted to do was strangle that damn bird.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 2:35 PM on June 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


calm dot calm?
posted by slater at 2:37 PM on June 6, 2012


Needs NSFW tag.
posted by hypersloth at 2:38 PM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


"Deep Thoughts... by Jack Handy"
posted by brundlefly at 2:42 PM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


I was expecting some kind of GeoCities horror. This was nice.
posted by Xere at 2:42 PM on June 6, 2012


Do I click on the leaves? Or the waterfall? THE STICK? WHICH?
posted by hal9k at 2:46 PM on June 6, 2012 [8 favorites]


I was going to suggest getting in the mood by visiting stupid-shithead.com first, but we all have email, so that's already taken care of.
posted by maxwelton at 2:47 PM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


This is better than the Little Book of Calm.
posted by audi alteram partem at 2:48 PM on June 6, 2012 [8 favorites]


I guess it doesn't work on my browser, or it was loading slowly, or something. All I got was a plain black screen. I stared at it for a while and wondered whether anything was going to happen. It was sort of calming.
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:56 PM on June 6, 2012 [11 favorites]


The perfect antidote for org.org.
posted by crunchland at 2:58 PM on June 6, 2012


"You are in a field. A path leads to the South."
posted by twsf at 3:05 PM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


It told me to relax, but I kept getting distracted by the shuddering jump as the waves video looped.
posted by explosion at 3:12 PM on June 6, 2012




I have to pee.
posted by desjardins at 3:19 PM on June 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


I came for the Little Book of Calm. And now I shall go.
posted by freshwater at 3:23 PM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


slow.com
posted by NedKoppel at 3:23 PM on June 6, 2012 [4 favorites]


Is it bad that I couldn't relax because I kept expecting some kind of hideous zombie to jump out of the ocean?
posted by The Bellman at 2:28 PM on June 6


Same here - so I started the ohshit.com website.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 3:24 PM on June 6, 2012


I wanted to strangle the "guide"... until I went back to the settings and realised I could turn him off. If only real life was so simple
posted by greenhornet at 3:27 PM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Nothing says calm like staring at a gif of an irrigation ditch.
posted by item at 3:33 PM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


That was nice.
posted by darkstar at 3:36 PM on June 6, 2012


I wondered where was the choice for a fireplace or aquarium video.
posted by caclwmr4 at 3:39 PM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Bellman: Is it bad that I couldn't relax because I kept expecting some kind of hideous zombie to jump out of the ocean?

Lipstick Thespian: Same here - so I started the ohshit.com website.

I'd have opted for ominouscalm.com or toocalm. Or to be a bit more vague and appearing to being a cheap knockoff of the original calm.com, 2calm.com. It's harder to be scared by zombies when you're warned that something is going to happen.

But I understand having zombies on the brain (sorry, couldn't help myself). A week ago, I was sitting on the bus on my way home, and someone yelled "We've got a runner" to the bus driver, as he was about to drive away from a stop. My first thought? "Oh shit, a running zombie."
posted by filthy light thief at 3:47 PM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Same here - so I started the ohshit.com website.

Speaking of that, shitstorm.com redirects to the gop.com website, which I think is interesting.
posted by davejay at 3:49 PM on June 6, 2012


Oh, wait, it no longer does. It did several weeks ago. Dunno what happened there.
posted by davejay at 3:50 PM on June 6, 2012


Imagine you've been led down to a pool of water in the middle of nowhere by a mysterious stranger with an unsettlingly level voice, a voice which tells you the following:

"...be aware of your breathing...just see how you're breathing...you might like to close your eyes...there's nothing to do...this is your time to be still..."

NOT CALMING
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 3:50 PM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


This'd be a great way to wake up in the morning, thanks!

Have to say I hope this is a sleeper website, where you start using it normally and then notice a new addition one day: a girl standing in the distance with her back to you. You pay her no notice, but she seems to be getting closer each day. Until one time you start the 'calm' session up AND SHE'S STARING AT YOU WITH DEMON EYES.
posted by litleozy at 3:56 PM on June 6, 2012 [9 favorites]


Fine. I give up. I can't escape from this sunset at the beach. Has someone written a walkthrough?
posted by vidur at 4:01 PM on June 6, 2012 [4 favorites]


You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:23 PM on June 6, 2012 [7 favorites]


Try this after you've have two Captain and Diets. VERY CALMING INDEED.
posted by WaspEnterprises at 4:24 PM on June 6, 2012


vidur: Fine. I give up. I can't escape from this sunset at the beach. Has someone written a walkthrough?

It's Raining Florence Henderson: You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back.

And don't forget to quickly stand back, otherwise you get hit on the head by a bird who dropped a coconut where the turtle was, and you die. The respawn point is all the way back in the field, and you really don't want to have to replay that level.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:27 PM on June 6, 2012


nebulawindphone, it does take a while to load. Apparently it's more zen not to tell you that it's in the process of loading...
posted by beryllium at 4:35 PM on June 6, 2012


previously...
posted by b1tr0t at 5:23 PM on June 6, 2012


You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back. -- Do you make up these questions, Mr. Holden? Or do they write 'em down for you?
posted by crunchland at 5:31 PM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


I tried this on my iPhone.

Mobile app coming soon. Click here for Classic site.

*click*

Mobile app coming soon. Click here for Classic site.

AAAARRRRGH I HATE YOU CALM.COM
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 5:39 PM on June 6, 2012


fghsjbncg fdxhdr
posted by orme at 6:00 PM on June 6, 2012


I tried this on my iPhone.

There are apps for that. Here is one.
posted by vidur at 6:05 PM on June 6, 2012


This reminded me of the suicide factory in Soylent Green.
posted by adamrice at 6:34 PM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Needs smellovision.
posted by arcticseal at 7:49 PM on June 6, 2012


Imagine you've been led down to a pool of water in the middle of nowhere by a mysterious stranger with an unsettlingly level voice, a voice which tells you the following:

Another river of mud
Wash away those tears
He said and he said
Now that's a good idea
posted by kirkaracha at 7:50 PM on June 6, 2012


But I already have zombocom...

What does it say about me that I immediately muted the voice guidance on calm.com and opened zombo in another tab at full volume?

YOU CAHN DO ANYTHEENG.
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:44 PM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Is this something I have to enable Javascript to know about?
posted by rhizome at 8:57 PM on June 6, 2012


NedKoppel, thank you.
I'm just letting it play in the background as an upgrade and compromise from just staring at 'em.

Heh. COM. PU. TOR.
posted by DisreputableDog at 9:59 PM on June 6, 2012


What does it say about me that I found zombo.com more soothing than all of this HTML 5-isque neatness?
posted by the cydonian at 11:25 PM on June 6, 2012


That was nice... Reminds me of when I was a kid and I would borrow my mother's weight-loss self-hypnosis tapes to fall asleep to. No effect on anyone's weight, but I was usually out like a light before I knew it.

Although I also expected some horrible zombie to show up near the end. Oh internet, this is why we can't have nice things.
posted by MShades at 2:14 AM on June 7, 2012


It must be just me, because all this did was remind me of all the stuff I have to do today while the soothing music was playing.....
posted by Seekerofsplendor at 10:56 AM on June 7, 2012


Ah, it appears to have different images each load. Have seen an irrigation canal in a field, a lake in the woods and now a pleasant meadow.

(But yeah, that bird by the irrigation ditch was kind of irritating.)
posted by darkstar at 11:06 AM on June 7, 2012



Congratulations. You have won the prize for the shortest FPP.


Oh there are others. I have done short posts, but I think others have done really short posts. Didn't someone just post a dot? the search function is really not much help here.
posted by caddis at 12:59 PM on June 7, 2012


If they did, I'm sure it was deleted.
posted by crunchland at 1:52 PM on June 7, 2012


Relaxing, but not as relaxing as Bob Ross.
posted by dazed_one at 7:09 PM on June 7, 2012 [2 favorites]


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