Her Majesty Requires a Help Desk Technician

June 21, 2012 4:21 PM

The Royal Household is hiring. Apply online now!

The Royal Household consists of 1200 full time staff and 350 summer staff, the majority of whom are paid from the Privvy Purse, the Queen's private income. Roles range from IT support jobs to incredible decorative arts internships, and vacancies are advertised online.

"Please note that, for the majority of vacancies, we are unable to accept applications from individuals who do not have the right to work in the UK."

posted by DarlingBri (79 comments total)

Shouldn't this be in MetaFilter Jobs?
posted by grouse at 4:25 PM on June 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

I have a persistent daydream wherein I'm a royal's valvet, I know from reading how awful it would be ( er, in the 19th century) but the libra in me likes the idea of terribly fancy servitude.
posted by The Whelk at 4:25 PM on June 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

Adding "decorative arts internship in the Royal Household" to things I want to have on my academic CV, right after "internship in the V&A" and "Has been given charge over huge private clothing collection previously unknown to academics of the 17th century".
posted by strixus at 4:33 PM on June 21, 2012 [5 favorites]

Her Majesty Requires a Help Desk Technician, But She Doesn't Have a Lot to Tweet
Her Majesty Requires a Help Desk Technician, But IT Changes From Week To Week
I Want to Tell Her to Reboot a Lot
But I've Got to Get an LOL Online
Her Majesty Requires a Help Desk Technician, Some Day I'm Going to Teach Her Minecraft
Oh, Yeah
Some Day I'm Going to Teach Her Minecraft
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:34 PM on June 21, 2012 [36 favorites]

Unsurprisingly, the Photographer position is poorly paid...
posted by blaneyphoto at 4:35 PM on June 21, 2012

• hold a full clean UK driving licence

Dang. I mean, relocating across the pond would be pretty major, but that would have been a fun helpdesk.

'No, Your Majesty, I'm not aware of any place you can download this week's 'Big Bang Theory'...
posted by pupdog at 4:36 PM on June 21, 2012

Which, of course, she would be used to torrenting since she was usually watching Community and other NBC shows live.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 4:37 PM on June 21, 2012

(yes, I realize this joke does not actually work given time zones and networks...but come on, it's fun to imagine)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 4:38 PM on June 21, 2012

They're looking for a Mr. Bates!
posted by mudpuppie at 4:43 PM on June 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

You will join the team responsible for providing Royal Household users with a courteous, technically correct and administratively accurate support service.

"Has Your Majesty tried turning it off and back on again?"
posted by rh at 4:46 PM on June 21, 2012 [43 favorites]

The house does not acknowledge turning somethng off and then turning it on again, it merely puts the device to rest and then inquires later if the issue has been been addressed.
posted by The Whelk at 4:48 PM on June 21, 2012 [13 favorites]

Unsurprisingly, the Photographer position is poorly paid...

I agree that none of these jobs are what I would characterise as well paid, but I don't think 27K sucks - the person sending "Happy 100th birthday!" cards is getting 18.5K. I can't find a lot of staff photographer jobs to compare it with but it was better than the ones I found. It doesn't seem to require a lot of experience, but it also doesn't seem to have any London weighting.
posted by DarlingBri at 4:48 PM on June 21, 2012

Which, of course, she would be used to torrenting since she was usually watching Community and other NBC shows live.

Prince Philip was so angry when they cancelled firefly that he spent the next few weeks muttering to himself that "those buggers better not drive through any tunnels".
posted by atrazine at 4:49 PM on June 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

"Has Your Majesty tried turning it off and back on again?"

Wait, really? You're supposed to address the Queen in the third person? Like, even when you're talking to her directly?
posted by nebulawindphone at 4:56 PM on June 21, 2012

HRH: We require a new cupholder.
IT: Ma'am?
HRH: On the computer.
IT: SO MOTE IT BE
posted by DU at 4:58 PM on June 21, 2012 [5 favorites]

Wait, really? You're supposed to address the Queen in the third person? Like, even when you're talking to her directly?

YES.
posted by everydayanewday at 4:58 PM on June 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

I mean, I know you say "Excuse me, Your Majesty" instead of "Hey, lady!" But somehow I figured you'd still use ordinary second person pronouns. English is not supposed to have a T-V distinction anymore!
posted by nebulawindphone at 4:59 PM on June 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

So like would you say "Excuse me Your Majesty, would Your Majesty like a new cupholder on Your Majesty's computer?" Or "Excuse me, Your Majesty, would she like a new cupholder on her computer?" Or what?

MY MIND IS BLOWN HERE GUYS
posted by nebulawindphone at 5:03 PM on June 21, 2012

What's the point of even having a monarch except to keep anachronistic and fussy concepts alive in a kind of conceptual zoo? The T-V distinction is rare and endangered! Let's enjoy it in a controlled setting where it can't harm us anymore!
posted by The Whelk at 5:03 PM on June 21, 2012 [6 favorites]

Your Majesty on first address, then subsequently "Ma'am" (rhymes with ham). But probably still in the third person.

Though obviously she makes that dammed Camilla make all the support ticket calls.
posted by marylynn at 5:05 PM on June 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

What's the point of even having a monarch except to keep anachronistic and fussy concepts alive in a kind of conceptual zoo?

Ooh ooh I wanna go to the Hall Of Genders next!
posted by nebulawindphone at 5:06 PM on June 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

She still refers to herself as 'we' a lot (haven't watched the Queen's Speech in a few years, so), but there's all kinds of archaic stuff surrounding and involving the Royal Family and how 'one' should conduct 'oneself' around them. I get anxious just thinking about these conventions and how I'd inevitably break all of them and end up a disgraced mess. I did once say 'hello' to Prince Harry when he came to my office though, that seemed to be OK.
posted by everydayanewday at 5:07 PM on June 21, 2012

Ooh ooh I wanna go to the Hall Of Genders next

The rare and beautiful Third Person Transexual.
posted by The Whelk at 5:09 PM on June 21, 2012 [8 favorites]

II get anxious just thinking about these conventions and how I'd inevitably break all of them and end up a disgraced mess.

I'm always amazed by all the people (non-English, hard rockers, etc) who obey all these conventions when they meet the Queen. Literally what is the point? It's not like she can actually off with your head. And normal courtesy makes everyday life nice for everyone but these rules only make nice life for the Queen (at most).
posted by DU at 5:17 PM on June 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

"Excuse me Your Majesty, would Your Majesty like a new cupholder on Your Majesty's computer?" is correct. For reals! She similarly uses the majestic plural, aka the royal "we" when referring to herself.
posted by DarlingBri at 5:20 PM on June 21, 2012

And normal courtesy makes everyday life nice for everyone but these rules only make nice life for the Queen (at most).

It's all about respect through supplication. About knowing your place, and showing that you do. In that respect it's not much different from being at work.
posted by everydayanewday at 5:27 PM on June 21, 2012

I have a friend who worked a summer for the royal household who told that one day, during renovations at Buckingham Palace, they were taking a break from moving furniture sitting on the ground in one of the rooms off the principal floor.
They knew Her Majesty, unusually for the summer, was actually at the palace, but they weren't expecting to actually see her open the door and walk right in.
Six people, in an instant, stood bolt upright.
"Oh dear," said the Queen. "I'm sorry that we don't appear to be able to afford chairs for you."
Awkward.
posted by randomination at 5:32 PM on June 21, 2012 [25 favorites]

IIn that respect it's not much different from being at work.

But that's my point. At work you can get fired or not-promoted or given the worst work to do. But a rock star meeting the Queen? What's she going to do exactly?
posted by DU at 5:55 PM on June 21, 2012

God, I love sifting through job listings for random interesting places to work.

The other day somebody pointed out that the BBC was hiring a script supervisor for Dr. Who. Just in case anyone wanted Douglas Adams's old job.

There's a site out there that lists all the random jobs available in Antarctica, too.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:58 PM on June 21, 2012

But a rock star meeting the Queen? What's she going to do exactly?

Ruin his knight.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:05 PM on June 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

The other day somebody pointed out that the BBC was hiring a script supervisor for Dr. Who. Just in case anyone wanted Douglas Adams's old job.

Douglas Adams was a script editor. A script supervisor is another thing altogether, and is not really a creative job.
posted by grouse at 6:09 PM on June 21, 2012

When Downton Abbey was on I enjoyed imagining O'Brien working at a royal household, in way over head.
posted by bleep at 6:21 PM on June 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Her Maj sounds a bit passive aggressive to me. Would you want to work for her?
posted by Kaleidoscope at 6:25 PM on June 21, 2012

"M'am, at the risk of offending the Chinese Ambassador, that is not a mushroom..."
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:26 PM on June 21, 2012 [5 favorites]

It looks like the Queen is Microsoft/IIS, but the Prince of Wales is Apache/Linux.
posted by rh at 6:41 PM on June 21, 2012

Douglas Adams was a script editor. A script supervisor is another thing altogether, and is not really a creative job.

Sorry, yeah, my mistake. The job they were hiring for was script editor. I just wrote the wrong word here.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:45 PM on June 21, 2012

blaneyphoto, is 39k- 41k us dollars really that bad for a staff photographer?

Serious question, I have no idea.
posted by Quack at 7:02 PM on June 21, 2012

But a rock star meeting the Queen? What's she going to do exactly?

Absolutely nothing. Protocol failures didn't mean war between Britain and Australia, or even Britain and the US.

But if you're an anti-monarchist - which is totally fine - I am not sure why you'd want to bother to meet the Queen. And it is a bother and it would have to be intentional; it's not like you just bump into her at the corner shop.

In practice, I don't think dissing the Queen by intentionally failing to follow protocol is going to make you look cool or rebellious, even among rock stars; it just kind of makes you look stupid. If you want to diss the Queen, you hang out and wait to be offered a British honour and then you decline it, publicly stating the moral grounds on which you decline like David Bowie or Paul Weller. Or even better, you can accept and then pull a John Lennon:

I am returning this MBE in protest against Britain's involvement in the Nigeria-Biafra thing, against our support of America in Vietnam, and against Cold Turkey slipping down the charts.
posted by DarlingBri at 7:07 PM on June 21, 2012

The other day somebody pointed out that the BBC was hiring a script supervisor for Dr. Who.

Q. Who was your last employer?

A. The Doctor.

Q. Doctor who?

A. No, The Doctor.
posted by Celsius1414 at 7:09 PM on June 21, 2012

Your Majesty on first address, then subsequently "Ma'am" (rhymes with ham)

In an English accent, it rhymes with 'harm', not 'ham'.
posted by Brockles at 7:10 PM on June 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

In an English accent, it rhymes with 'harm', not 'ham'.

Received Pronunciation is non-rhotic.
posted by junco at 7:20 PM on June 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

er, doesn't have intrusive -r. Not quite the same.
posted by junco at 7:26 PM on June 21, 2012

is 39k- 41k us dollars really that bad for a staff photographer?
Serious question, I have no idea.
posted by Quack


It depends. I did a quick search, but couldn't find Pete Sousa's salary (which would be the closest approximate job I can think of, although not exactly the same) I did find that White House employees salaries start at 41k and go up from there significantly.

There are also a variety of factors - such as who retains ownership of the images created - that could point to how good of a salary it is. The listings on USAJOBS show 40-60k for the few that are listed. My impression is that this UK job would be more like being a military photographer which just pays what your rating dictates... not much.

Personally, I couldn't see picking up a camera to create work for anyone for 40k/year. And as someone else mentioned about it looking good on a resume, well that's only MAYBE relevant if one wanted to continue doing the same sort of work. I can't think of any job where I (or collegues, based on our conversations) have ever been asked for anything other than a portfolio review.
posted by blaneyphoto at 7:26 PM on June 21, 2012

"Arise, Sir Loin of Beef! Arise, Earl of Cloves! Arise, Duke of Brittingham! Arise, Baron of Münchhausen! Arise, Essence of Myrrh! Milk of Magnesia, Quarter of Ten!"
posted by daninnj at 7:48 PM on June 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Personally I'd be intimidated by the IT position. Her Majesty sent her first email when I was 2 months old. That was 36 years ago.
posted by radwolf76 at 7:54 PM on June 21, 2012

Any job, no matter how mundane, sounds refined and elegant if it is associated with the Royal Household. I think that's why a Google search for "Royal Plumbing" gives over 50,000 results. You know it's plumbing, but it's Royal Plumbing! Like for when you're sitting on the throne.
posted by twoleftfeet at 7:54 PM on June 21, 2012

"Oh dear," said the Queen. "I'm sorry that we don't appear to be able to afford chairs for you."

The queen has a wicked sense of humor. She wasn't being passive aggressive, she was clowning around.

http://youtu.be/9RDGklfT6HE

Poor Ronnie.
posted by gjc at 8:02 PM on June 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

It's Royal Plumbing!

In Hyacinth Bouquet fashion, my parents delighted in telling me that they had their couch reupholstered by the chap who made the Pope's chair when he last visited the UK.
posted by arcticseal at 8:08 PM on June 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

my parents delighted in telling me that they had their couch reupholstered by the chap who made the Pope's chair when he last visited the UK.

But that's actually an important function, working on the Pope's chair. Perhaps you are familiar with the legend of Pope Joan, the woman who somehow became Pope in AD 855-858. The eventual discovery of this horror, according to the infallible Wikipedia, led to the fact that popes throughout the medieval period were required to undergo a procedure wherein they sat on a special chair with a hole in the seat. A cardinal would have the task of putting his hand up the hole to check whether the pope had testicles, or doing a visual examination.

Some say this is all myth. or some weird form of papal smear, but one can only imagine the artistry necessary on the part of the chairmaker to position the hole in the correct location on the seat, to avoid a cardinal sin.

But I digress.
posted by twoleftfeet at 8:32 PM on June 21, 2012

Here is a better one of the Queen being lighthearted.
posted by gjc at 8:34 PM on June 21, 2012 [5 favorites]

Received Pronunciation is non-rhotic.

I'm having trouble with the terminology there. Are you disagreeing with me? It's really hard to tell even after looking up both those definitions you used (linguistics is not in my quiver of stuff).

"Ham" in a US accent is a long 'a' to my ears, in English its a very short 'a'. So an English "Ma-am" will roughly rhyme with a US 'Ham' (as it sounds to me), but not with an English "ham". That's what I was trying to say.
posted by Brockles at 8:42 PM on June 21, 2012

I think the positions should be open to anyone who can work in the Commonwealth, not just the UK. After all, it is the Royal household to a monarchy that goes hither and yon promoting themselves and Commonwealth citizens do pay to be a part of that through their taxes.

My understanding is that Americans are not expected to curtsy as they aren't subjects of the crown but they seem to when I've seen receiving lines.

I've been told that a lot of the anachronisms in behaviour are a part of the idea of the monarchy representing the history and continuance of the UK and the way in which it operated but I suspect for a lot of people it's just fun. If I met the Queen I'd curtsy not just because it was expected but because hey, how often do you get to do something that's so innocuous and out of place with your daily life?

If I were younger and able to, I'd try to get a job at a palace. A year or two working in a palace would be a unique experience.
posted by Salmonberry at 9:14 PM on June 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

So, there are a lot of different English accents. I read your post originally thinking you meant something like "Ma'am, pronounced with an English accent, sounds not like ham, but harm (in an American accent, with the -r- vocalized)"; i.e., "marm". That is the case in several English accents, and the feature is called intrusive r (a famous pop-culture example is John Lennon's "I sawr a film today, oh boy" in A Day in the Life). But it's not the case in Received Pronunciation, which is what the Queen speaks (more or less). Received Pronunciation is non-rhotic, which means that -r- following a vowel isn't vocalized, and doesn't have these sneaky intrusive -rs, either.

But it looks like you're more interested in the vowel sounds, which is where it gets confusing. Normally, in RP, you'd expect "Ma'am" to be pronounced /mɑːm/, with a long, open back vowel (like in American English "hot"), rhyming exactly with "harm" (though note that neither would have a vocalized -r-). But, apparently, Buckingham Palace prefers it to be pronounced "to rhyme with jam", i.e., /mæm/, a short open front vowel, just like we do in the US. The OED doesn't even note this as an option in British English! Since it's how we still say it in the US, it may be, like many other features of US English, an archaism. See the OED entry for ma'am and/or this informative post at stackexchange (you may not have access to the OED, but the important bits are quoted in the second link).
posted by junco at 9:21 PM on June 21, 2012 [3 favorites]

Junco, why would you add a letter that is silent to a phonetic spelling? At any rate, it sounds more like "mum" to my ears.
posted by Gringos Without Borders at 10:26 PM on June 21, 2012

Where I come from, ma'am rhymes with jam. (southern California)
posted by SLC Mom at 11:33 PM on June 21, 2012

It rhymes with yam Sam, damn!
posted by Winnemac at 11:48 PM on June 21, 2012

"back of house team" Does that mean scullery maids?
posted by Cranberry at 11:48 PM on June 21, 2012

or some weird form of papal smear

Surely a papal smear can only be done to females.
posted by hippybear at 1:35 AM on June 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

Cranberry, not sure of the context, but in museums* at least, 'back of house' refers to people who don't interface with the public regularly, and 'front of house' is people who work the welcome desk, etc.

(Scullery maids are downstairs, as opposed to upstairs!)

*any comparison of the Royal Family to dusty collections of relics is accidental. Mostly.
posted by kalimac at 1:56 AM on June 22, 2012

I had a landlord that worked on HM's team at Windsor Castle. He was an asshole. So, apparently, being that isn't an automatic disqualifier.

The guy he sent to repair my washing machine also did Her Nib's machines at the castle. He told about one of his first times working there, and being lost between buildings (the estate is vast, and includes Windsor Farms). He got redirected by "some lady on a horse", whom he learned latter, was Herself.
posted by Goofyy at 4:23 AM on June 22, 2012

this informative post at stackexchange (you may not have access to the OED, but the important bits are quoted in the second link).

This pretty much covers it, and my experience (and that of people that would know more than me that have worked for Peers back in England). From your link:

I’m pretty sure this isn’t what’s going on — I think when the OP says “pronounced like marm ”, they mean the non-rhotic pronunciation of marm, i.e. what a rhotic speaker would write as mahm.

Every time I have heard it used, and how I understood it was supposed to be used, it is 'harm' (how I say 'harm') and as in how 'posh people over here' say ham and jam - but for less confusion it looks like it should more correctly be referred to as 'hahm'. The 'ah' is a very short bit, not drawn out.

I wonder if Buck Palace started suggesting 'jam' because there is too much ambiguity in the ham style pronunciation and a US-style (rhotic?) 'Marrrrrm' sounds daft.

Damn, this pronunciation stuff is a bitch to write down when you don't understand those little symbols and (more to the point) interpret the symbols through the words you know how you yourself pronounce and maybe get them twisted anyway. So hard to get across what I mean.
posted by Brockles at 5:45 AM on June 22, 2012

Having worked in protocol in Canada, and having to help organize Royal Visits a couple of times, let me tell you that working for the Royal Household is not something you want to do unless you are the kind of person whose attention to detail borders on the OCD. I mean this. Right down to what brand of sugar goes in the sugar bowl.

Bonehead and I were in Scotland last year, and although it wasn't on the original itinerary, we happened to be passing Balmoral Castle. So we stopped in to look around, and I bought some gifts at the gift shop for my mother-in-law who is a Brit-o-phile.

The girl ringing us up at the cash wrapped up my purchases in bubble wrap after she heard my accent - she could tell I would be taking them on a plane. Her manager, who was hovering over her shoulder monitoring everything she was doing, let her wrap it all and pack it. Then she stepped in, unpacked, unwrapped, re-wrapped and re-packed everything because the girl apparently didn't do it right. I was having severe flashbacks to protocol, because that level of micromanagement was what I lived with too. I had to get out of there shortly after that, I couldn't stand it anymore.

If you apply, understand what you're letting yourself in for.
posted by LN at 6:27 AM on June 22, 2012

And yes, it's "Your Majesty", upon first meeting, and "m'am" thereafter. Also, you can't address her unless she speaks to you first.
posted by LN at 6:30 AM on June 22, 2012

Also, you are *not* expected to address the Queen in the third person. You say "Your Majesty" to her, not "Her Majesty".
posted by Edison Carter at 7:46 AM on June 22, 2012

My SO's brother was on the Royal Household IT team until last year, primarily working at Buckingham Palace but they would sometimes get sent to Windsor or to Scotland. A few years ago the IT support functions were rolled in with the Royal Collection IT people, so if you got this job you would be working on both most likely. He told us about a few oddities and perks.

If you are in the palace and her maj or one of the others comes along then you are expected to stand with your back to the wall, eyes down and say nothing unless spoken to.

At Christmas all the staff get a Christmas pudding each, they used to be Harrods but they switched over Al Fayed, they were apparently Tesco for a year but these were regarded as being not quite the thing, so now they are Fortnum & Mason. F&M do them for the household and each comes with the Queen's ER symbol and the year. They are a decent size and delicious.

They have a Christmas party for the staff each year (IIRC it was cancelled this year), held in a state room in Buckingham Palace and pretty lavishly catered. Staff get invited to them in alternate years to keep numbers down.

When you leave you get a leaving party in a state room in Buckingham Palace.

If you leave after 10 years service you get a personal audience with the queen.
posted by biffa at 8:42 AM on June 22, 2012

And yes, it's "Your Majesty", upon first meeting, and "m'am" thereafter. Also, you can't address her unless she speaks to you first.

...

Also, you are *not* expected to address the Queen in the third person. You say "Your Majesty" to her, not "Her Majesty".

Ah, but really the question is what you'd use where informal English uses a second-person pronoun. Can you say something like this?

1) After Your Majesty has had your breakfast, there's a visitor here to see you.

Or do you have to say something like this?

2) After Your Majesty has had her breakfast, there's a visitor here to see her.

3) After Your Majesty has had Your Majesty's breakfast, there's a visitor here to see Your Majesty.

4) After Your Majesty has had ma'am's breakfast, there's a visitor here to see ma'am.

2–4 strike me as totally bad for linguistic reasons: either utterly ungrammatical in the case of 2 or at least incredibly awkward in the case of 3 and 4. But some people are saying things that make it sound like 1 is bad etiquette. So which version actually gets used?
posted by nebulawindphone at 9:25 AM on June 22, 2012

I think they avoid the construction all together.

"After Your Majesty has had breakfast, there is a guest waiting."
posted by hippybear at 9:50 AM on June 22, 2012

Ah, but really the question is what you'd use where informal English uses a second-person pronoun.

Um. I doubt informal English has much stead, to be honest. Especially as:

And yes, it's "Your Majesty", upon first meeting, and "m'am" thereafter.

"Excuse me Ma'am, but after breakfast there is an appointment with 'x'"

I suspect it's more like that. After all, why would the Queen give a shit that they're waiting? Why wouldn't they be? It's not like people just pop in...
posted by Brockles at 10:26 AM on June 22, 2012

Ah, but really the question is what you'd use where informal English uses a second-person pronoun. Can you say something like this?
1) After Your Majesty has had your breakfast, there's a visitor here to see you.
Or do you have to say something like this?
2) After Your Majesty has had her breakfast, there's a visitor here to see her.

3) After Your Majesty has had Your Majesty's breakfast, there's a visitor here to see Your Majesty.

4) After Your Majesty has had ma'am's breakfast, there's a visitor here to see ma'am.
2–4 strike me as totally bad for linguistic reasons: either utterly ungrammatical in the case of 2 or at least incredibly awkward in the case of 3 and 4. But some people are saying things that make it sound like 1 is bad etiquette. So which version actually gets used?

Since you wouldn't say any of these things until later in a conversation, you wouldn't use "Your Majesty". You use "Your Majesty" at the beginning of the conversation, and ma'am after that. Your examples would become:

After you have had your breakfast, ma'am, there's a visitor here to see you.
posted by Edison Carter at 10:37 AM on June 22, 2012

I think it would be more like "XXX is here to see you, ma'am" since a) the queen would never see someone without knowing who is waiting and 2) "at your convenience" would be implied; it's not the "place" of staff to tell her when to see someone (after your breakfast).
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit at 10:45 AM on June 22, 2012

But still.
posted by Edison Carter at 10:49 AM on June 22, 2012

If you are in the palace and her maj or one of the others comes along then you are expected to stand with your back to the wall, eyes down

That's so you don't catch a sight of the lizard-face if they haven't adjusted the mask properly.

Roles range from IT support jobs

"Hello? Philip here. Yes, yes, of course that Philip. Now tell me, if one wanted to erase one's Internet Explorer history..."
posted by reynir at 12:50 PM on June 22, 2012

Elizabeth Windsor is full of herself isn't she.
posted by humanfont at 12:56 PM on June 22, 2012

Elizabeth Windsor is full of herself isn't she.

To be fair, she has a right to be, given that she holds her position in life because her father happened to fuck her mother when she was ovulating. Even you ex-colonial types have to admit that's a pretty special distinction that very few of us can share.
posted by reynir at 1:02 PM on June 22, 2012

I suppose her father's speech impediment did add a bit of drama to the act of insemination.
posted by humanfont at 1:53 PM on June 22, 2012

As the original ma'am/ham/harm/jam comment-leaver, I just wanted to point out it was a paraphrase of a line from The Queen:

Equerry: And remember, it's "Ma'am" as in "ham", not "Ma'am" as in "farm".

And dammit, now I want to watch it again.
posted by marylynn at 2:06 PM on June 22, 2012

But that's actually an important function, working on the Pope's chair. Perhaps you are familiar with the legend of Pope Joan, the woman who somehow became Pope in AD 855-858. The eventual discovery of this horror, according to the infallible Wikipedia, led to the fact that popes throughout the medieval period were required to undergo a procedure wherein they sat on a special chair with a hole in the seat. A cardinal would have the task of putting his hand up the hole to check whether the pope had testicles, or doing a visual examination.

Popetickling is a pretty specialized job(by).
posted by arcticseal at 5:42 PM on June 22, 2012

Commonwealth citizens do pay to be a part of that through their taxes.

Nope. We do still pay some towards Royal visits to NZ, but I imagine it's the same for other world leader types.

Work permits in the UK are now really difficult and time consuming to get so pretty much all job listings I've seen in the last couple of years say you have to be eligible to work there to apply, and those that don't say it likely screen out non-EU applicants anyway. None of the jobs listed for the Royal household now look specialised enough to make it worth them going through the visa process. Given even the Royals have to follow UK labour laws I don't see how non-EU commonwealth citizens would be hired.
posted by shelleycat at 3:57 AM on June 23, 2012

(oh and by nope I was referring to "New Zealanders do not pay any money to the Queen or any other member of the Royal Family, either towards personal income or to support royal residences outside of New Zealand." We do pay for the Governor General but, if we didn't have that, we'd be paying for a President or something anyway and given how much the President here in Ireland gets paid I don't think that's any kind of cost saving)
posted by shelleycat at 4:01 AM on June 23, 2012