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It’s a joke. Except that it isn’t
June 26, 2012 6:18 PM   Subscribe

In a light-hearted but genuine response to a number of perception problems in the music industries, Any And All records will sign you or your band to their label.

Here's what they won't do.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker (23 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite

 
Are physical media objects still a thing?
posted by box at 6:22 PM on June 26, 2012


Are physical media objects still a thing?

They don't promise physical media objects.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 6:27 PM on June 26, 2012


A lot of people think "getting signed" meant, essentially, you'd made it. That the money was going to start rolling in and that would be that.

In reality, though you can still get signed, and if your label doesn't feel like promoting you would be a good return on investment, you're pretty much screwed.

Look at Lady Gaga's carrier. She'd actually been signed early on, but her record label just ignored her. Instead of them promoting her, she basically did all her own promotion, doing tons of cheap concerts, etc. Eventually she got signed to another label, and she blew up.

The problem in the past was that the labels had all the power in the relationship with artists. There were only a few labels, and tons and tons of musicians. Also, musicians might not be the savviest folks out there.
posted by delmoi at 6:42 PM on June 26, 2012


So is this like those websites that will officially register you as an ordained minister if you send them $5? But for musicians?
posted by indubitable at 6:47 PM on June 26, 2012 [5 favorites]


Someone needs to set up a site exactly like this, but for tenure.
posted by erniepan at 7:03 PM on June 26, 2012 [10 favorites]


If you paid $5 to become ordained as a minister online, you did it wrong. It's free and has been for as long as I can remember.
posted by item at 7:03 PM on June 26, 2012 [4 favorites]


Also, musicians might not be the savviest folks out there.

One time I spent an entire evening attempting to play "Here I Go Again" on a pair of wool socks.
posted by mintcake! at 7:05 PM on June 26, 2012 [7 favorites]


So is this like those websites that will officially register you as an ordained minister if you send them $5? But for musicians?

Wait, can I officiate weddings with my MeFi membership?

(And, yes, physical media objects still exist. They're handy for when your digital media's physical media crashes and burns without warning.)
posted by maryr at 7:10 PM on June 26, 2012 [1 favorite]


This reads like the musical equivalent of all the newly self-Kindle-published writers who would drop by my bookstore asking us to set up a booksigning* for them with wine & cheese & hundreds of adoring fans (all provided on the store's dime), because they were now legitimate Officially Published Authors(tm) destined for fame and fortune.

No, I take it back. This site is a better idea, and I approve, because it underlines that if your big concern about the quality of your art is whether or not it has a "signed by a major company!" legitimacy-sticker, you should have bigger concerns about the quality of your art, like making it less sucky. Whether you're indie or a contracted tool of The Man, this is the purest way to achieve wine, cheese, and adoring fans. If you suck less, they will come.

* HOW they were planning to sign an ebook I don't know
posted by nicebookrack at 7:17 PM on June 26, 2012 [3 favorites]


I'll just sit and grin, the money will roll right in.
posted by XhaustedProphet at 7:46 PM on June 26, 2012


A lot of people think "getting signed" meant, essentially, you'd made it. That the money was going to start rolling in and that would be that.

In reality, though you can still get signed, and if your label doesn't feel like promoting you would be a good return on investment, you're pretty much screwed.


Indeed.

Previously, artists were not rolling in money. Most were not allowed into the system by the gatekeepers. Of those that were allowed on the major labels, over 98% of them failed. Yes, 98%
.

Of the 2% that succeeded, less than a half percent of those ever got paid a band royalty from the sale of recorded music.

posted by Sebmojo at 7:57 PM on June 26, 2012 [2 favorites]


I know this is tongue in cheek, but these guys give a pretty simplistic view of what a label does. If you're really interested in what it takes to run your own show, Beatnik Turtle's Indie Band Survival Guide (warning - pdf) is much more comprehensive.

Of course, they don't explain ISRC codes or why they're important either, but what's life without a little mystery?
posted by malocchio at 8:27 PM on June 26, 2012 [3 favorites]


I know this is tongue in cheek, but these guys give a pretty simplistic view of what a label does....

Well, until *Really* recently. 360 deals are a new thing in this timeline.

I love me some Beatnik Turtle.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 8:31 PM on June 26, 2012 [1 favorite]


360 deals...ugh.
posted by malocchio at 9:05 PM on June 26, 2012


As a recording artist, I'd say the problem is:

-Most of the labels that will sign you are (secretly) desperate to get as many artists as possible on board. This means not very many people will pay any attention to them, because the music on that label is not going to be consistent, either in terms of genre or in terms of quality. As well, these quasi-labels generally are digital-only, and they do a really poor job in terms of promoting you.

-The labels that do get you noticed, on the other hand, are generally very picky. They want your music to be good, and they want your music to be thematically consistent with the rest of what they do (A label that specializes in drum n' bass is not going to want your banjo act, for example).

Strangely enough, after hearing nothing for months I received two emails today from different labels asking if I want to do an EP with them, but I'm a bit wary. If I sign with a label I'd like it to be one that's held in regard, as well as one that's willing to put some effort into promoting me beyond having my EP sit on their front page for a day or two.
posted by dunkadunc at 9:05 PM on June 26, 2012 [2 favorites]


And yes, being signed doesn't necessarily mean much. The real thing is that the Internet is jam-packed with people who are also trying to get noticed, and what you need (beside your music actually being good) is for some outlet(s) that lots of people pay attention to highlight your work as being worth paying attention to. Being able to stand out from the crowd is key.
posted by dunkadunc at 9:10 PM on June 26, 2012 [2 favorites]


I really like this. Hurrah for helping artists understand - with gentle humor - that getting signed is not the golden ticket to stardom and a life of ease.

Back when I ran a little indie record label, I put my standard contract online, along with detailed commentary (self links, but to an old defunct label kept online as a curiosity), in an effort to help folks looking for a contract get a better understanding of what they might be signing.

I like Any And All's approach a whole lot.
posted by kristi at 9:15 PM on June 26, 2012 [2 favorites]


So, signing up for Metafilter makes us eligible for such business cards, right?

vidur
Contributing Editor*
Metafilter

[*] Self-appointed
posted by vidur at 9:36 PM on June 26, 2012 [1 favorite]


Correct me if I am wrong here, but if you sign onto a label don't they own the rights to the songs you create, even if you leave/are dropped from the label? Or is that a detail hashed out in contract negotiations?
posted by littlesq at 10:45 PM on June 26, 2012


Depends on the label and the contract. But 'label takes the risk, in exchange for the rights' is very common. Rights will often revert after certain conditions occur.
posted by Sebmojo at 12:56 AM on June 27, 2012


* HOW they were planning to sign an ebook I don't know

Here's how

(But you sure don't need wine & cheese for that)
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 5:27 AM on June 27, 2012


If you paid $5 to become ordained as a minister online, you did it wrong. It's free and has been for as long as I can remember.

If he hasn't seen your $35, you're still "Pink" to Bob.
posted by chaff at 11:21 AM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


This is a nice little piece of agitation. If nothing else, it's a good clearing house for the many services that you can use to promote your band.

Plus, it's kind of funny. I give it a B-.
posted by lumpenprole at 11:40 AM on June 27, 2012


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