Hot Dog!

June 29, 2012 4:53 AM

Spiral cut hot dogs. You KNOW you want to do this. (SL 49 second YT that will make your summer SO much better)
posted by HuronBob (166 comments total)

I usually do not like these single link youtube mefi posts -
but this one - wow, that looks good. I will be doing it this weekend.
posted by Flood at 4:56 AM on June 29, 2012 [3 favorites]

Today spiral cut hot dogs, Yesterday's interlocking bagels. I know what I'm doing this summer. Food Origami or Culinary Topology. Fantastic!
posted by njk at 5:01 AM on June 29, 2012 [7 favorites]

No... no words. No words to describe it. Poetry! They should've sent a poet. So beautiful. So beautiful... I had no idea.
posted by specialagentwebb at 5:02 AM on June 29, 2012 [17 favorites]

I have seen this meme develop over the past few days and even shared this with an encased meats enthusiast. I gotta wonder what this does to the snap of a good dog though.
posted by SenorJaime at 5:04 AM on June 29, 2012

I really wish I had not come straight from the circumcision thread to this.
posted by gingerest at 5:07 AM on June 29, 2012 [44 favorites]

I gotta wonder what this does to the snap of a good dog though.

I'd only do this with a caseless dog, like Hebrew National. It'd ruin a natural casing one.
posted by zamboni at 5:08 AM on June 29, 2012 [3 favorites]

I'm going to try this on some veggie dogs this weekend. Might stop the dreaded bbq bloat!
posted by purephase at 5:08 AM on June 29, 2012 [4 favorites]

I gotta wonder what this does to the snap of a good dog though.

I expect that it would destroy the possibility of a decent snap. OTOH, It's really really cool.
posted by mikelieman at 5:09 AM on June 29, 2012

This might make brauts possible to eat!
posted by DU at 5:10 AM on June 29, 2012

Whoever does this is going to be a hero to the little kiddies.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 5:10 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Ah, yeah, I saw this on Chow the other day and thought, yes, yes I must do this. But yeah, I wonder what this would do to the integrity of a real (natural-casing) hot dog. I suppose if I'm stuck with Nathan's or something it's worth a try, though.

But no ketchup (reference shamelessly stolen from a Chow commenter).
posted by uncleozzy at 5:11 AM on June 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

The Freudian implications of the spiral-sliced hotdog and interlocking bagel posts are staggering.
posted by Strange Interlude at 5:12 AM on June 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

OH MY FUCKING GOD HE PUT KETCHUP ON IT!! KILL HIM!!
posted by NoMich at 5:20 AM on June 29, 2012 [13 favorites]

Hey, some of us like ketchup. YES, on a hotdog, thankyouverymuch.
posted by zardoz at 5:21 AM on June 29, 2012 [25 favorites]

Yeah, the ketchup thing also got to me. What is he, six? Not gonna try this with my Salt & Time Mortadella dogs.
posted by SenorJaime at 5:22 AM on June 29, 2012

What is wrong with ketchup?
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 5:22 AM on June 29, 2012 [13 favorites]

"What is wrong with ketchup?"

do you want a list? how much time do you have?
posted by HuronBob at 5:25 AM on June 29, 2012 [15 favorites]

Oh my God.

I wasn't going to do this, but I ran across this particular lily-gilding method from the comments in an Instructables post about this:

Purchase a package of dogs and spiral them, leave the spiral dog on the wood skewer (or put it on one).
space the spirals about 1/4 to 3/8 apart.
Mix warn cream cheese, crisp or real bacon bits fine grind, fine shred sharp cheddar cheese, very fine chopped and towel dried Jalapenos. needs to be very soft.
Put into a pastry bag, fill the spirals and wrap/roll in wax paper and chill. I squeeze the cheese mix to fill in the air pockets.
Prepare your favorite corm meal batter mix mix, for corn dog consistency
Dip your corn dogs and deep fry them!

posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:25 AM on June 29, 2012 [66 favorites]

this particular lily-gilding method

Well, there goes my heart. Been good knowing you, buddy.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:33 AM on June 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

Things that belong on a hotdog:

- mustard
- more mustard
- a different kind of mustard
- maybe a third kind too
- hot peppers
- sometimes relish

THE END
posted by DU at 5:34 AM on June 29, 2012 [13 favorites]

Well, there goes my heart.

The SCOTUS anticipated this, you'll be OK.
posted by HuronBob at 5:34 AM on June 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

I like anything that increases the surface area of a food item in order to make way for MORE MUSTARD.

ketchup is an abomination
posted by elizardbits at 5:36 AM on June 29, 2012 [4 favorites]

Things that belong on a hotdog

Sauerkraut called; he sounded hurt, and wants you to call him back.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:37 AM on June 29, 2012 [28 favorites]

Sauerkraut is more than welcome in my house any time I want to clean the toilet with cabbage and vinegar.
posted by DU at 5:39 AM on June 29, 2012 [9 favorites]

What is wrong with ketchup?

The standard answer.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:41 AM on June 29, 2012 [6 favorites]

Isn't this just a cooler, more spirally way of slicing open the hot dog before grilling?
posted by ceribus peribus at 5:42 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Sometimes I eat sammiches that are only mustard and bread. I stick a piece of cheese in if anyone is watching but the main purpose of the sammich is a vehicle to convey delicious mustard into my slavering maw.
posted by elizardbits at 5:42 AM on June 29, 2012 [4 favorites]

The SCOTUS anticipated this, you'll be OK.

CORN DOGS DECLARED PREEXISTING CONDITION.
posted by zamboni at 5:42 AM on June 29, 2012 [7 favorites]

What is wrong with ketchup?

This is the grilling version of the Mac vs PC or over or under toilet paper debates. Entertaining for the participants (who enjoy high blood pressure, I guess) but baffling for the non-invested.

Still, spiral cut dogs look awesome, and I may have a grilling invite next week. Veggie brats, here I come!
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:45 AM on June 29, 2012 [4 favorites]

Seriously? Dirty Harry is the main argument for not putting ketchup on a hot dog? Weak.
posted by bwilms at 5:47 AM on June 29, 2012 [7 favorites]

I would fully support mustard on hot dogs if they every carried anything other than the sweet, diarrhea resembling stuff anywhere. If it's colored with turmeric and flavored with more sugar than I would put in a pie, it belongs in the trash, not on anyone's food.

In cases where that is all they have, ketchup is an acceptable substitute. It's less sweet and doesn't make me want to gag.

(If they have mustard where I can actually see the seeds, well of course I want that.)
posted by Hactar at 5:50 AM on June 29, 2012 [3 favorites]

Back to the spiral cut thing: Hot dogs have been around for, what, 150 years during which nobody thought of this. Now, I predict that within nine months you will find pre-spiralled hot dogs at your local supermarket.
posted by beagle at 5:52 AM on June 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

I already hated ketchup on pretty much anything, but especially hot dogs, when I came across the takedown by Cecil Adams.

...ketchup is an acceptable substitute. It's less sweet...

*boggle*
posted by DU at 5:52 AM on June 29, 2012 [4 favorites]

Ketchup is ok if it has curry in it.
posted by ryanrs at 5:53 AM on June 29, 2012 [7 favorites]

Hey, there is one better way to serve hot dogs than with mustard, and that's with Blackie's relish.
posted by kinnakeet at 5:53 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Ketchup and relish is the dog dressing of my childhood. This makes little 5 year old me impossibly giddy.
posted by WinnipegDragon at 5:53 AM on June 29, 2012

Slightly related: Spaghetti Dogs are great fun
posted by DanCall at 5:54 AM on June 29, 2012 [6 favorites]

...your mainstream brands like French's put in too much turmeric and whatnot. What you want is some unpretentious mustard like Plochman's that enhances rather than competes with the flavor of the beef.

Huh, I had forgotten this passage. My son noticed we'd changed to French's by taste alone and then passed a taste test for preferring Plochman's. Our stores stopped carrying it for some reason so we ordered a case (two, now) directly. Tasting them side by side I definitely notice a difference and prefer Plochman's but as a kid I never noticed it.
posted by DU at 5:55 AM on June 29, 2012

Hot dogs should have cole slaw and mustard on them.

And hot dog sauce, which is totally its own thing.

And now I'm off to the store to buy some hot dogs to spiral cut, dammit.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 5:59 AM on June 29, 2012

You people talking about hot dog toppings are all misspelling chili.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 6:03 AM on June 29, 2012 [8 favorites]

The spiral chili cheese dog clearly needs more research. I shall have to conduct a study this weekend.
posted by ceribus peribus at 6:04 AM on June 29, 2012

THE END

No. Wrong. So very wrong.

I feel real bad for you people.
posted by tracert at 6:05 AM on June 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

I'll be honest, I don't really go for chili on my dog unless it's a comically-oversized dog meant to be eaten with a fork and knife. Just too messy.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:06 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

I had a friend growing up who would only eat her hotdogs with BBQ sauce and mayo.

Also, seconding ketchup-curry sauce. My dutch brother-in-law and his kids go wild for it.
posted by LN at 6:06 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

This is coming out a few days before a holiday? I smell product placement or something. Being the sucker that I am, I'll have to give this a try.
posted by SillyShepherd at 6:08 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Doesn't slicing the hot dog cause all the juices to run out while grilling, leading to a dry dog?
posted by maxim0512 at 6:10 AM on June 29, 2012 [3 favorites]

On the mustard derail -- I have become rather fond of Trader Joe's French Mustard -- assertive but not insane and thick enough to stay on almost anything.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:13 AM on June 29, 2012

I have been doing this for years. And yet, I also like catsup on a hot dog.
Will this cause a MeFi meltdown?
posted by pentagoet at 6:20 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

What is wrong with ketchup?

I don't subscribe to this theory myself, but people who do might turn around and ask you

"What's wrong with a sweet, tomato-based sauce on your pulled pork?" or "What's wrong with a mustard-based sauce?" or, if they want to really rub it in, "What does it matter? Brisket is still barbecue, right?"
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:21 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Is spiral cutting your weiner legal in Germany now or no... I'm confused.
posted by symbioid at 6:21 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

I came in here looking for the dirrectors cut of Hot Dog...The Movie. But this will do.
Also put me down for ketchup and mustard.
posted by The Violet Cypher at 6:27 AM on June 29, 2012

Mustard and home-made kimchi...If there's no kimchi, then chopped onion. Just mustard works great too. Ketchup is for fries. That is all.
posted by txmon at 6:28 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Gah! make that "director's cut ".
posted by The Violet Cypher at 6:28 AM on June 29, 2012

Things that belong on a hotdog weiner:

Celery salt, chopped raw onion, and meat sauce.

Thing that belong on a Spike's dog are russian dressing, saute'd onion and bacon for a Big Dave Special... or swiss cheese and honey-mustard if you're more of the 57 T-Bird type.
posted by Slap*Happy at 6:29 AM on June 29, 2012

Are YOU a fan of mustard? Then buy this mustard.

Seriously, it's amazing. French's is like a lace feather compared to the boot in your teeth that is this mustard. There's a reason the babushka on the cover has that expression on her face. That expression is because the mustard is the best.
posted by griphus at 6:29 AM on June 29, 2012

Hot dogs have been around for, what, 150 years during which nobody thought of this.

More like, "and nobody told me about this," eh?

Doesn't slicing the hot dog cause all the juices to run out while grilling, leading to a dry dog?

Not unless you overcook it. Any dog will shrivel up to jerky if you overcook it.

So long as you eat all of your hot dog, put whatever you like on it.

I did not enjoy the title of the video, though: "Why You Should Spiral-Cut Your Wiener"
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:29 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Making your own relish is super easy. Also a good candidate for experimentation with sugar substitutes like stevia.
posted by XMLicious at 6:41 AM on June 29, 2012

More like, "and nobody told me about this," eh?

Previous citations?
posted by beagle at 6:44 AM on June 29, 2012

Ketchup is for fries.

No, fry sauce is for fries. Ketchup is for hotdogs and hamburgers. Duh.

This isn't a new thing; I can remember eating spiral hot dogs as a kid, but I'd never seen a "how-to" before.
posted by Forktine at 6:47 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

My wife's been doing this for the kids for a while and they love it. Also a fan favorite - the Octo-Dog on its little ramen seabed complete with cute mustard face. Though we don't dye the ramen green.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 6:49 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

And once you master a spiral hot dog, you can then move on to Hot Dogtopus!
posted by shiu mai baby at 6:49 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

DAMMIT, CTTW.
posted by shiu mai baby at 6:50 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

'fry sauce'? What in the world is that?

In Chile, you can get the 'completo'. A dog on a bun that has been completely filled to the edges with pureed avocado, on which is then piled about a half-cup of mayonnaise, and chopped tomatoes and mustard until you can not see the dog at all. I never could bring myself to eat one.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 7:00 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Here also to comment on the ketchup, but I see I'm late to the picnic.
posted by crunchland at 7:01 AM on June 29, 2012

In Germany you have to be 18 to have spiral cut wiener.
posted by Mojojojo at 7:02 AM on June 29, 2012 [4 favorites]

Fry sauce "is usually a simple combination of one part ketchup and two parts mayonnaise." People put it on burgers a lot, too, but fries are where it shines. You can think of it as one part American, two parts Belgium if it makes you feel more cosmopolitan.

I am almost certain that I learned about the hot dog centipede in an FPP here a few years ago. If I had kids, I am sure I would make bug creatures every week.
posted by Forktine at 7:05 AM on June 29, 2012

Below the equator, you have to spiral it the opposite direction...
posted by djrock3k at 7:09 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Wow, I've been making fry sauce for years and never even knew it! Sometimes I also do it with mustard and/or Tabasco and/or Worcestershire sauce and put them in little bowls and eat so many french fries.
posted by nTeleKy at 7:14 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

American mustard is just thick vinegar. Coleman's, my friends, is the answer.
posted by howfar at 7:16 AM on June 29, 2012

Or even Colman's
posted by howfar at 7:16 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Relish AND ketchup on a hot dog? That's disgusting.
posted by slogger at 7:21 AM on June 29, 2012

Colman's has flour and starch in it. It's quite literally library paste.
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:27 AM on June 29, 2012

It doesn't seem fair to begrudge anyone their choice of hot dog toppings. De gustibus and all that. Personally it's a horseradish-y mustard and chopped onions.

Pretty excited to finally have a use for that mystery package of 100 wooden skewers lurking in the silverware drawer, though.
posted by troika at 7:34 AM on June 29, 2012 [3 favorites]

Ketchup is for dipping the tasty little circles of boiled weiner that your mother cut up for you and put on a plate with applesauce and Kraft macaroni & cheese.

Mustard is for dipping the end of the deliciously blackened weiner your dad brought in off the grill.

Coleslaw is just about the best way of eating any sandwich ever (with the possible exception of PB&J.)

I really want to try the spiral weinie but sadly we don't have a grill. :(
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 7:35 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Put ketchup on my arm and I'd be at least halfway through it before I realized I needed an ambulance. Drown this world in ketchup. Float to safety on spiral cut weinercanoes.
posted by SharkParty at 7:37 AM on June 29, 2012 [7 favorites]

The thing about hot dogs is that not everybody has them the same way. And that is okay! It's okay to just not have ketchup with your hot dog and go apply something else that is delicious.
posted by zamboni at 7:37 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

I love how one of the most popular "related links" to a video about cooking hotdogs is the Meet the Pyro video.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 7:38 AM on June 29, 2012

The first time I had Colman's, I was spending Christmas with my college roommate's family in England, somewhere in Herefordshire. Christmas means lots of leftover ham and, so, lots of ham sandwiches. There was an old jar of Colman's in the cupboard that had been in there for quite some time. I used a fair blob of it on my sandwich one day and it was great. Just enough heat.

The next day they opened a fresh jar. I used the same amount.

Cartoon dragon smoke coming out of every orifice.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:40 AM on June 29, 2012 [3 favorites]

I'm surprised there's no love for chow chow here. Possibly one of the best hot dog toppings ever.
posted by slogger at 7:43 AM on June 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

elizardbits: "I like anything that increases the surface area of a food item in order to make way for MORE MUSTARD.

ketchup is an abomination"

I had an internet crush on you elizardbits, but... this? THIS IS WAR!
posted by symbioid at 7:45 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

The thing about hot dogs is that not everybody has them the same way. And that is okay! It's okay to just not have ketchup with your hot dog and go apply something else that is delicious.

We can all agree about flat dogs, though, right?
posted by gauche at 7:49 AM on June 29, 2012

Are YOU a fan of mustard? Then buy this mustard.

see also
posted by elizardbits at 7:51 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

The foot-long chili cheese dog from the Minnesota State Fair is my favorite way, but normally it's ketchup/katsup and cheap-ass yellow mustard from a plastic squeeze bottle for me....on one slice of wheat bread, usually the heel of the loaf.
posted by wenestvedt at 7:53 AM on June 29, 2012

Colman's has flour and starch in it. It's quite literally library paste.

That's why I'm a voracious reader.

There was an old jar of Colman's in the cupboard that had been in there for quite some time...

The loss of heat over time can be avoided by storing your mustard in the fridge. I also find it avoids that strange oily taste which ancienne type grainy mustards can get over time.
posted by howfar at 7:53 AM on June 29, 2012

"Sriracha" is foodie for "ketchup".
posted by Nelson at 7:55 AM on June 29, 2012 [4 favorites]

Also can we all agree that split-top buns are confusing/upsetting/alarming/wrong for hot dogs, wrong for america?
posted by elizardbits at 7:55 AM on June 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

Relish is an abomination on any damn thing. Bluuurghhhh. Second in extreme horribleosity only to sweet pickles. So narsty. On the other hand Patak's Hot Lime Pickle is the best thing ever to happen to a cheese sandwich.
posted by moneyjane at 8:02 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

I recommend the 3 Bs: Beer brat, bun, Branston pickle.
posted by rh at 8:02 AM on June 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

My son has grown up thinking it's against the law to put ketchup on a dog in MA. It's for his own good. Some day I'll tell him the truth. There is nothing wrong with ketchup, just don't put it on a hot dog.

Acceptable on a dog: Mustard, relish, and onion. (known as an "all around" at my local diner)

Sauerkraut is perfectly fine on a dog but then it becomes a sauerkraut dog, which is a separate thing like a chili dog. I prefer sauerkraut on something meatier, like a brat.

If you're in Chicago it's perfectly acceptable to turn your hot dog into a salad. Like their version of pizza, it's perfectly delicious but not worth comparing to other versions. Apples and oranges and all that.

I love fights like this. Totally meaningless but it doesn't stop people from passionately taking the side of whatever they grew up with and/or is customary in the place they consider home.

As for the spiral dogs, I'm not sure I see the point. I prefer my grilled dogs to be grilled beyond recognition though.
posted by bondcliff at 8:05 AM on June 29, 2012

Don't forget about Mayostard and Mustmayostardayonnaise if you're in a rush.
posted by nTeleKy at 8:05 AM on June 29, 2012 [4 favorites]

Man On Internet Almost Falls Into World Of DIY Mustard Enthusiasts
posted by griphus at 8:05 AM on June 29, 2012 [4 favorites]

Jack Daniels Old #7 mustard, you guys. Put it in your facehole.
posted by palomar at 8:10 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Also, Bone Suckin' Mustard is really freakin' good.
posted by bondcliff at 8:10 AM on June 29, 2012

I've never really understood food prescriptivism of any kind, but hot dog prescriptivism seems to me to be particularly bizarre. What earthly damage does it do to the soul of a hot dog enthusiast if I put ketchup, barbecue sauce, salsa, or chocolate frosting on my hot dogs?
posted by lodurr at 8:27 AM on June 29, 2012 [6 favorites]

chow chow

Chow chow on hot dogs. Incestilicious!
posted by eriko at 8:27 AM on June 29, 2012

What earthly damage does it do to the soul of a hot dog enthusiast if I put ketchup, barbecue sauce, salsa, or chocolate frosting on my hot dogs?

Ask Hitler.
posted by eriko at 8:28 AM on June 29, 2012 [4 favorites]

When I was a kid we would slice hot dogs lengthwise, half way through. Then put cheddar cheese in the gap and then cook them in the toaster oven. Good times.
posted by neuron at 8:29 AM on June 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

I think you can buy them now with the cheese pre-installed. It sounds disgusting to me, but different folks/different strokes and all that, and it would definitely save you a step.
posted by Forktine at 8:37 AM on June 29, 2012

HuronBob, you are a scholar and a gentleman. I shall be employing this meat-cutting technique at my next BBQ.
posted by asnider at 8:40 AM on June 29, 2012

The proper way to eat a hot dog is with a quarter-pickle spear (dill), mustard (yellow or brown, it don't matter), chopped onions, and a smattering of Schlotzsky's Louisiana Hot Sauce.

Unless you're hungry as sin, it's 3:45 a.m., and you find yourself in a 7-11. In such a case, ask for the driest dogs on the rollers (the regular dogs, not the jumbo ones) and load up with condiments from the little bar and top with "chili" and "cheese" from the machine. Eat with a fork, unless you really just don't give a fuck (and hey, you're eating hot dogs from the 7-11, so chances are - at least at that very moment - you don't give a fuck). In the right circumstances, and as long as they're consumed no more than once every 9 months, all the ingredients come together into some kind of absolute nirvana, a junkfood Shangri-la that disappears as soon as the last bite is consumed. Don't be a fool and try to double your pleasure by getting 2 dogs, though, tempting as the value might seem. It not only won't work, it'll reverse the effect the first dog had on you, pulling you out of your glow and thrusting you into a deep and dreadful gorge of regret and despair. I repeat: it will not work and will poison not only your earthly body but your spirit and soul as well.
posted by item at 8:48 AM on June 29, 2012 [3 favorites]

Any method for inserting more Sriracha into the dog gets my nod of respect.
posted by Beardman at 8:50 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Why does he put ketchup and relish on a hot dog? Because he is a very smart person.
posted by azpenguin at 8:50 AM on June 29, 2012

My favorite way to fix a hotdog is Chicago style, loaded up with the works and lots of tomatoes and onions and mustard and probably too much relish.

And then sometimes I put ketchup on it. Depending who is within view and watching in horror, sometimes I get rather theatrical about it and I take my time.
posted by loquacious at 8:53 AM on June 29, 2012 [3 favorites]

Ask Hitler.

I would, but he's busy prepping New England style hot dog rolls with peanut butter and ketchup for the afternoon cookout.
posted by lodurr at 8:56 AM on June 29, 2012 [3 favorites]

cream cheese, sriracha, grilled onions.
posted by billyfleetwood at 9:01 AM on June 29, 2012

For what it's worth, a supermarket chain near us called Wegman's sells a dijon mustard that has a terrifically kicking bite to it. If you like really spicy mustard, and you live on the east coast of the US, you might want to try it.
posted by crunchland at 9:10 AM on June 29, 2012

Can it be a coincidence that these weiners resemble strands of DNA, the very building blocks of life?
posted by Flashman at 9:13 AM on June 29, 2012 [5 favorites]

I will be trying this next hot dog I make! (With cheese and peanut butter, of course)

I need to thank Cecil for the tip about steaming, not boiling.
posted by MtDewd at 9:26 AM on June 29, 2012

I like ketchup on a hot dog.

What's annoying are people that tell me how to eat.
posted by prepmonkey at 9:32 AM on June 29, 2012 [6 favorites]

Why make them when I can just go to Gus's in Watervliet, NY?
posted by mikelieman at 9:33 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

The only thing I like more than ketchup on a hot dog is chili and cheese.
posted by prepmonkey at 9:37 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

...New England style hot dog rolls...

Them's some fancy words for "Wonder bread folded in half."
posted by griphus at 9:40 AM on June 29, 2012 [7 favorites]

oh snap
posted by elizardbits at 9:40 AM on June 29, 2012

Best dogs in the world are here, here and here. This place ain't bad either.

Mustard, chili, kraut, cheese and bacon are my toppings of choice. Ketchup's for kids.
posted by jonmc at 9:54 AM on June 29, 2012

Why make them when I can just go to Gus's in Watervliet, NY?

That is the strangest misspelling of Famous Lunch in Troy NY I have ever seen.
posted by SharkParty at 9:56 AM on June 29, 2012 [4 favorites]

For the traveling dog connoisseurs, if you're ever in the neighborhood of West Chester, PA (about a half hour west of Philadelphia), make a point to stop into Jimmy John's Pipin' Hot Sandwiches, which are arguably the very best hot dogs I've ever had. Monstrous, delightful snap with every bite.
posted by shiu mai baby at 10:03 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Why make them when I can just go to Gus's in Watervliet, NY?

I pass by this place every summer, when I get off the ferry on my way to Canada. I've always been curious but I've never stopped. I'll be passing by again in a couple of weeks. Is it worth it?
posted by bondcliff at 10:24 AM on June 29, 2012

A hot dog place opened near me for the sole purpose of conveying spiral cut dogs to the masses. They don't get dry, they get slightly crunchy - think delicous delicious bacon. Yum!! Unfortunately, the place went out of business. Apparently the heathens in this town can't appreciate good meat candy when it's offered to them.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 10:31 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Any more, I just put salsa on hot dogs.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 11:18 AM on June 29, 2012

I assume that most people bitching about ketchup are basically bitching about Heinz ketchup and Hunt's ketchup because that's what 99% of the ketchup in this country seems to be. But it seems foolish to write off a more artful, homemade version. I haven't made one but if I did it would blow your mind.

It should also be mentioned that Whataburger ketchup is disconcertingly delicious. It is their own recipe, not Heinz. Deeper flavor profile, more cider vinegary, more spiced-tasting.

I eat ketchup all the time, mostly for fries, sometimes dipping a burger in it. Or chicken tenders. But 100% OF THE TIME I eating ketchup it has like half a bottle of Tabasco dumped on top of it. Which makes it basically like American-flavored sriracha and I highly recommend it. (But not actual Tabasco Ketchup because it's weak.)
posted by TheRedArmy at 11:22 AM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

I pass by this place every summer, when I get off the ferry on my way to Canada. I've always been curious but I've never stopped. I'll be passing by again in a couple of weeks. Is it worth it?

Famous Lunch and Gus's both have their partisans, and there's also Hot Dog Charlie's. You have to be down with the whole Capital Region meat sauce mini-dog thing. I believe they all use Helmbolds, so it depends on which sauce you prefer, really - I prefer Famous Lunch.
posted by zamboni at 11:23 AM on June 29, 2012

Ok, I was thinking of Gus's Red Hots in Plattsburg. Different place, it seems.
posted by bondcliff at 11:39 AM on June 29, 2012

Is a Red Hot the same thing as a hot dog?
posted by griphus at 11:45 AM on June 29, 2012

Different place, it seems.

It had occurred to me that it would be a hell of a ferry ride.
posted by zamboni at 11:48 AM on June 29, 2012

Previous citations?

It looks like pentagoet has that covered.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 11:50 AM on June 29, 2012

The decision between Gus's and Famous Lunch is also down to your tolerance for a grimy vibe. Gus's is mostly outdoors with a really grubby indoor section that has old dirty paper plates taped up everywhere signifying various patrons' victories over a pile of teeny weenies. You can watch the lady cooking the weenies from an enormous, kiiind of revolting pile. I say all this with love in my heart. They also offer chocolate milk as a staple.

Famous Lunch is more tied together with shiny surface that appear to get wiped on occasion. I don't remember if they serve chocolate milk, but all their sodas are RC sodas which is sort of conceptually grimy instead of actually grimy.
posted by SharkParty at 11:50 AM on June 29, 2012

Is a Red Hot the same thing as a hot dog?

I hope so.

It had occurred to me that it would be a hell of a ferry ride.

Anything for a great hot dog.
posted by bondcliff at 11:56 AM on June 29, 2012

Hold on I'm confused. Do people actually hate putting ketchup on hot dogs or do they just like quoting Dirty Harry?
posted by edbles at 11:57 AM on June 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

Ketchup's good for egg sandwiches and not much else.
posted by jonmc at 11:59 AM on June 29, 2012

Ketchup is also acceptable on really bad steaks. Really bad.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:00 PM on June 29, 2012

OK If you are going to start throwing great hot dog joints I give you Texas Hot Wiener Lunch in PA (we go there when ever we go up and see relatives...)
then my local fav place Ann's Dari-Creme! Deep fried dogs with a thin chili sauce. So good. Extra entertainment watching the all female staff (I saw one guy working there ONCE in the 25+going there) keep 8 or 9 orders all right with out writng anything down.
posted by ShawnString at 12:11 PM on June 29, 2012

Retro Dog just opened up the street from my work. They may not have spiral hot dogs, but it's otherwise fantastic.
posted by slogger at 12:16 PM on June 29, 2012

I love you all. Meetup at Gus's someday?
posted by mikelieman at 12:23 PM on June 29, 2012

EVERY DAY.
posted by SharkParty at 12:32 PM on June 29, 2012

I wondered if the single-minded mustard folks would comment against any opinion but theirs. Thanks guys, you never disappoint.
BTW, is mustard consumption why Clint Eastwood's face is SO wrinkled?
posted by Cranberry at 12:40 PM on June 29, 2012

Thanks entirely to this thread, I had a dog from the divey but wonderful Midway Grill -- specifically, a West Virginian, which is a dog with a slice of bacon and coleslaw on it, and it was decidedly excellent.
posted by shiu mai baby at 12:51 PM on June 29, 2012

I admit it. I've taken more than one trip across the river with a Gus's cheeseburger (with the works, obviously) perched on my lap in route to Famous Lunch for 3 mini-dogs, with.

What type of heathen does that make me?
posted by JayG at 1:29 PM on June 29, 2012

I am a hot dog fanatic. Since I can't get Vienna Beef with any regularity in Texas (unless I'm on Sixth Street) I eat these exclusively (no, grass-fed organic beef is NOT overkill in a hot dog) and the only thing I ever put on them, if I put anything on them, is cheese. Usually cheddar.

(If I am visiting the folks, it's Michael's cheese dogs - their cheese sauce is simply unmatched by any other cheeselike substance for the purpose of making massive quantities of salted meat product and french fries even more delicious.)
posted by restless_nomad at 1:34 PM on June 29, 2012

I'm doing this for our Canada Day BBQ this weekend.

Then, I'm going to put this salsa on the dog. Not a lot, mind you, you need very little. If I get inspired, bacon will also be present. Because bacon is God's way of saying 'I love you'.
posted by spinifex23 at 1:44 PM on June 29, 2012

Ketchup on egg noodles is possibly the best thing in existence. Why yes I grew up during a recession, why do you ask?

For hot dogs homemade mango and scotch bonnet sauce along with German mustard does the trick nicely for me. Besides, why would anyone would use ketchup when Heinz makes a perfectly good chili sauce?
posted by mcrandello at 1:57 PM on June 29, 2012

I only eat spiral-cut kosher venison dogs with fresh mango, mayo, sauerkraut, and peruvian ají pepper paste.



Maybe I am making this up to be silly, or maybe I am even more pretentiously foody than the lot of you. You'll never know!
posted by LMGM at 3:11 PM on June 29, 2012

peruvian ají pepper paste

OH MY GOODNESS. I generally only eat this with potatoes during family get-togethers (because the chicken is so delicious it doesn't need anything extra), but now I want to make a batch just to try it out on a hotdog.
posted by paisley sheep at 3:36 PM on June 29, 2012

Ketchup is also acceptable on really bad steaks. Really bad.

The above-mentioned Japadog menu made me really sad earlier today when I saw that they list ketchup as the main condiment for their (alleged) Kobe beef hot dog.
posted by elizardbits at 4:08 PM on June 29, 2012

Hmm. I guess I'll need to email my mother for the aji recipe because all the internet recipes have me going "WTF? That's not aji!" I mean, seriously; who puts lettuce in aji? That's just wrong. I also dismiss any recipe that lists more than five ingredients or doesn't list jalapenos as the primary ingredient, because I also instinctively know that's wrong.

I have no stake in the ketchup war, but I will apparently die on the aji hill.

Also, I just realized that I haven't cooked a hot dog since... forever, apparently. So now I'm researching ways to cook them without a grill, microwave, toaster oven, or electric griddle. If anyone has tips on how to cook hot dogs on an electric stove top, please share them! (Alas, I have a feeling this means spiral cut won't be for me.)
posted by paisley sheep at 4:29 PM on June 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

If anyone has tips on how to cook hot dogs on an electric stove top, please share them!

Boiled, always boiled. Never liked charred hotdogs myself. Detracts from the pure salt flavor.
posted by restless_nomad at 4:35 PM on June 29, 2012

I never liked ketchup on my hot dogs as a child but when I learned what it was a euphemism for as a callow youth, I was never tempted to try it again.

On another note, paisley sheep, if you get that recipe I'd love a memail of it. I've only had aji that was a peeled, deseeded, cooked and puréed paste of yellow peppers. And while that was sublimely tasty, I'd like to know how to make it even better.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 5:19 PM on June 29, 2012

I guess I'll need to email my mother for the aji recipe because all the internet recipes have me going "WTF?

Please give an update with her recipe, or we will all be forced to mail you half-empty containers of ketchup.
posted by Forktine at 5:31 PM on June 29, 2012

The beauty of a hotdog is that you don't do anything to it other that cook it and slap it in a bun. If you do any more than add mustard you are missing the point entirely. All this stuff you all are going on about is like taking comics books and making them into movies.
posted by srboisvert at 5:33 PM on June 29, 2012

I don't even bother with the bun. They're like pretzels! But with more protein.
posted by restless_nomad at 5:37 PM on June 29, 2012

We made it this far without mention of Sabrett Onions in Sauce?
posted by mikelieman at 5:39 PM on June 29, 2012

Yeah I just had some aji for the first time a month or two ago and goddamn that stuff was awesome.

Also I now want a pretzel made of hotdogs.
posted by griphus at 5:49 PM on June 29, 2012

All this stuff you all are going on about is like taking comics books and making them into movies.

Ironically, that's about what my kid does for a living...

Please pass the mustard, and onions.
posted by HuronBob at 6:49 PM on June 29, 2012

Split the roll. Squirt generously mustard and tomato sauce. Add finely diced canned pineapple and soft fried onions. Add frankfurt. Sprinkle with cheese. Microwave til melted.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 11:05 PM on June 29, 2012

Wow, one of the local hipster eateries here in SD has a "We don't have ketchup here, seriously go somewhere else if you want ketchup on your burger" policy. I had no idea why they were making such a fuss*, and now I know.

*I love ketchup. I don't put anything else on the hot dog.
posted by rhythm and booze at 3:18 AM on June 30, 2012

DanCall: "Slightly related: Spaghetti Dogs are great fun"

Good God, those are like Cthlulu's hot dogs.
posted by WCityMike at 10:36 AM on June 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

I wonder how a spiral cut dog would do made up Sonoran style, which is all over the place out here. Sonoran style dogs are wrapped in bacon before they're put on the griddle. They're served with beans, grilled onions, tomatoes, jalapeno sauce and mayo. They're so bad for you yet so freaking good.
posted by azpenguin at 12:47 PM on June 30, 2012

Fry sauce "is usually a simple combination of one part ketchup and two parts mayonnaise."

And three parts abomination. Get thy mayonnaise and gloppy mayonnaise-based hamburger-drowning sauces behind me, Satan!
posted by chuq at 9:48 PM on June 30, 2012

elizardbits: "Also can we all agree that split-top buns are confusing/upsetting/alarming/wrong for hot dogs, wrong for america?"

Oh, you'd be amazed at the things we all won't be agreeing to in this thread.
posted by Deathalicious at 8:27 AM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

srboisvert: "The beauty of a hotdog is that you don't do anything to it other that cook it and slap it in a bun. If you do any more than add mustard you are missing the point entirely. All this stuff you all are going on about is like taking comics books and making them into movies."

The beauty of a hot dog is you do whatever the fuck you want with it.
posted by Deathalicious at 8:29 AM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

So how come no one's suggested combining spaghetti dogs with spiral cut dogs?
posted by lodurr at 9:41 AM on July 2, 2012

All this stuff you all are going on about is like taking comics books and making them into movies.

...You say that like it's a bad thing.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:22 AM on July 2, 2012

I am happy to report that I have received the aji recipe that I've known since childhood, and it is just as delicious and addictive as ever.

Which is good, because I unwittingly followed the recipe not realizing this is the recipe for the "extended family gathering" batch, and ended up with a little over 30oz of the stuff. I have since poured it over my eggs, where it beats my usual salsa or sriracha, and am planning on buying some potatoes (because aji + potatoes = a little slice of heaven). Even so, I'm probably going to be freezing at least half of it (so I say, until I realize it has all mysteriously vanished within a week. Mysteriously vanished into my belly.)

Also, I'm pretty sure that this is the first time I've cooked hot dogs on my own, as an adult. I'm not quite sure how that happened.

At any rate, aji + hot dogs = something so delicious I scarfed them down in about five minutes. Seriously. They didn't even make it do the table. I just stood at the counter, happily chowing down, using the excess bun to mop up every little drop of aji.

Also, aji + hot dogs = pretty!

(I poured a lot more on for my second hot dog after I realized from the first the aji mostly soaked into the bread, and because it wasn't as spicy as I thought it would be. Until I got halfway through the second one, and realized my nose was starting to run and my lips were tingling.)

For the curious, I ended up pan-cooking Coleman's hot dogs and putting them in Udi's gluten-free hot dog buns. I have no regrets.

Anyway, on to the bit you are most interested in:

Paisley Sheep's Family Aji Recipe

I'm a little unclear how proprietary this recipe is, and what familial protocol I would be shattering by posting it on the internet, but I shall risk it any way. (Although, I don't how how proprietary it can be when it consists of ingredients you can find in just about any local grocery store, and relies on "to taste" and "until desired consistency" in lieu of proper measurements.) I've also attempted to at least halve the recipe so you won't end up with a full blender of this delicious, delicious sauce. Unless that's what you want. If so, you can double it on your own.

Disclaimer: I am not, nor have I ever been, Peruvian. But portions of my family are, and my mother learned this recipe from that portion of the family, many years ago.

Ingredients (remember this is all "to taste" and "until desired consistency" so I'm giving my best estimates):

3 jalapeno peppers
1/4 bunch parsley
3-5 sprigs of cilantro*
pinch of salt
1/4 cup water
8 oz cottage cheese
1-2 tbs salad oil (optional - I used olive oil)
2-3 green onions (optional - mostly for garnish)

Preparation:

Blend jalapenos, parsley, cilantro, water and salt until creamy (for hotter aji, leave in jalapeno seeds). Add cottage cheese to blender and blend until smooth. Add salad oil, if desired, to adjust the hotness of the sauce, cooling it off. Pour into a bowl [or onto a hot dog]. Chop green onions and sprinkle on top.

*I wasn't exactly sure what this meant, and I was too impatient to get clarification, but I decided it meant the leaves off the stems -- as in, 3-5 stems, not 3-5 leaves, which seemed to work ok. If you don't like cilantro I bet you could leave it out. I generally don't like cilantro, but that's because as a kid I would pick endless bunches of leaves off the stems to make the marinade for the chicken. It would take, like, an entire night to fill a huge bowl, and my hands would be reeking of cilantro for days, despite cleaning them with lava soap. However, cilantro is a must for aji, in my estimation. But I totally empathize with those who don't prefer it.

There you have it! Just in time for 4th of July cook-outs. I'm pretty sure this would be amazing on hamburgers, too. I can vouch that it's excellent on chicken and beef. Really, any protein works well with aji.

And if you do use this sauce, let me know. I've only ever had it with my family or Peruvian style parties (where people who'd never been before were hesitant to pour spicy day-glo-green-sauce on their food -- and this was food that was cooked in the ground, mind you).
posted by paisley sheep at 7:40 PM on July 2, 2012 [8 favorites]

FWIW, we had a cookout on Sunday, and I tried the skewered-and-spiral-cut dogs out. They were not a hit with the kids; I had requests for uncut dogs.

I did not notice what they put on them.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:57 AM on July 3, 2012

I am doing this tonight. My cutting skills are, apparently, inadequate. I was going to post that this doesn't work, but then my wife came along and proved that it does work. We'll see how people like them.
posted by asnider at 4:35 PM on July 20, 2012

These turned out really well last night, although they were a bit difficult to turn/roll on the grill, because the spiral cut caused sections of the hot dogs to fall through the grill a bit (sometimes, they'd catch and break).
posted by asnider at 9:30 AM on July 21, 2012

Ketchup's good for egg sandwiches and not much else. jonmc

I was unaware of any ketchup conflict other than spelling; Catsup just looks wrong. I don't eat hot dogs very often, for reasons best not discussed here, and I like chili, or mustard and relish, or mustard and kraut, or ketchup and bacon, etc. But ketchup on a fried egg sandwich is heretical. If you must eat ketchup and eggs together, scramble the eggs before dousing with ketchup. Salsa is much better, but ketchup is okay.

A fried egg sandwich requires an egg, properly fried so that the edges are brown and a bit crispy, and the yolk is still runny, a slice of cheddar unless you're lactose-intolerant on toasted whole wheat bread slathered generously with good mustard, Dijon, grainy, etc. (no honey mustard or sweet stuff). Ketchup has no role to play in this dish, unless fries are served with the sandwich.

I had this sandwich not long ago at Moody's. I recommend it.
posted by theora55 at 3:23 PM on July 25, 2012