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MASS HYSTERIA
July 10, 2012 5:52 AM   Subscribe

"About six weeks ago at a zoo in Sochi, Russia, an Amur tiger - one of the rarest tigers on the planet - gave birth to a pair of cubs. The zoo, of course, was thrilled, but its joy soon faded - the mother wouldn't feed her babies. Fortunately, the zoo found a woman, Yekaterina Khodakova, whose Shar Pei Cleopatra had recently had a litter of puppies. Cleopatra immediately accepted the tiger cubs as her own, and began nursing them. Now the Amur cubs, dubbed Clyopa and Plyusha, think they're dogs."
posted by davidjmcgee (116 comments total) 41 users marked this as a favorite

 
Obsquee: squee.
posted by MartinWisse at 5:55 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


I'm not sure whether those photos really show that the tigers think they're dogs...

But gosh, could they be any cuter?

And huzzah to sfgate.com for doing a slideshow page which doesn't reload the whole f'n page for each new photo.
posted by hippybear at 5:58 AM on July 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


Everyone acts like it's no big deal that there are two tiger cubs in the house. The dog, the cat, the kid, they're all so "Tigers you say? Why, I hadn't noticed."
posted by tommasz at 6:03 AM on July 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


The humans may like to believe the cubs think they're dogs. The cubs won't say.

But the cat knows.
posted by likeso at 6:04 AM on July 10, 2012 [23 favorites]


Being raised by a dog has possibly made these two immune to the tiger-repellant rock.
posted by Dr Dracator at 6:07 AM on July 10, 2012 [7 favorites]


A slideshow of tiger puppies is a guaranteed way to start your day off right.
posted by triggerfinger at 6:08 AM on July 10, 2012 [9 favorites]


The SFGate captions are not, shall we say, very National Geographic.
posted by KokuRyu at 6:09 AM on July 10, 2012 [14 favorites]


I've been on the lookout for art to hang-up where I do lactation consultations at my peds clinic and I think the one of the Shar Pei standing patiently (resignedly?) while a tiger latches on nails it.
posted by rumposinc at 6:13 AM on July 10, 2012 [17 favorites]


The SFGate captions are not, shall we say, very National Geographic.

Come on. Not even National Geographic could resist the squee. They'd be all like "Here the panthera tigris altaica specimen engages in ZOMG GUYS LOOK TIGER PUPPIES!!1:
posted by davidjmcgee at 6:15 AM on July 10, 2012 [17 favorites]


Aw, puppytigers! But yeah, enough with the "think they're dogs" malarkey, not to mention that in about six months, those tigers will think dogs are edible.
posted by FelliniBlank at 6:15 AM on July 10, 2012


It's hard to explain if you don't speak Russian, but those names are diabetes-inducing adorable.
posted by griphus at 6:16 AM on July 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


That poor kid is way too young to even appreciate this amazing situation. What a waste!
posted by orme at 6:17 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Perhaps the tiger cubs are just thinking that this is a great starter buffet when they are ready to move on to solids....
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:17 AM on July 10, 2012


How does one get placed on the "Emergency Tiger Cub Foster Home" list elsewhere on earth? In Russia it seems as though everyone is automatically on this list from birth.
posted by elizardbits at 6:17 AM on July 10, 2012 [18 favorites]


Unidentified noises are always a concern in the Khodakova household.

Love the captions.
posted by frecklefaerie at 6:18 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


How does one get placed on the "Emergency Tiger Cub Foster Home" list elsewhere on earth?

You sign up at wildanimalwetnurse.com
posted by FelliniBlank at 6:19 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


i don't want porns, i want tiny murder cats.
posted by elizardbits at 6:20 AM on July 10, 2012 [50 favorites]


ok, now load the pictures of the tiger puppies into audacity and play them.
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 6:22 AM on July 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


"tiny murder cat" would be a good user name.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:22 AM on July 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


Putin's sockpuppet.
posted by elizardbits at 6:31 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Why can my life not include tiger cubs in my home? Or lion cubs, panther, Geoffroy's cat, I'm not picky when it comes to cats. I'll give them up. Eventually.
posted by jeather at 6:31 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Video of the same tiger cubs at seven days old.
posted by MuffinMan at 6:33 AM on July 10, 2012 [6 favorites]


likeso: "The humans may like to believe the cubs think they're dogs. The cubs won't say.

But the cat knows.
"

Fuck yeah cat head butts!!!
posted by symbioid at 6:34 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Putin's sockpuppet.

You'd be looking for user account Medvedev.
posted by jaduncan at 6:34 AM on July 10, 2012 [25 favorites]


And additional photo set.
posted by MuffinMan at 6:38 AM on July 10, 2012 [7 favorites]


I bet they actually found the nurse pug on an online wet-nurse finding site and she claimed she was a tiger.
posted by srboisvert at 6:46 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Cute, hilarious and slightly depressing from the humanity/ extinction view. Kudos!
posted by nowhere man at 6:47 AM on July 10, 2012


Shar pei that is. Because on the internet nobody knows you are not a pug.
posted by srboisvert at 6:47 AM on July 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


Putin's sockpuppet.

You'd be looking for user account Medvedev.


I am sad that you have apparently not see Vladimir Putin Action Comics, because they are delightful.
posted by elizardbits at 6:52 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


our boy cat decided our 70-pound dog was his bestest buddy when he was about a month old, and quite clearly models some aspects of his behavior after the dog. so, cats thinking they are dogs: it can happen.

the dog is always a bit freaked out when the cat wants to cuddle, though, because the cat will knead.
posted by mwhybark at 6:52 AM on July 10, 2012


I'm curious how many Shar Pei puppies there are; the adorable folds make them hard to tell apart. Would there be danger the cubs could accidentally hurt the puppies, or would they learn from experience to play gently? While they're still roughly the same size, I mean; after a while the tigers' size and strength will be much more disproportionate.
posted by nicebookrack at 6:57 AM on July 10, 2012




I took care of 2 tiger cubs at my house for a 3 days. Had to bottle feed them every two hours. Yes, they are cute as hell but even at that young age it was really hard to deal with their claws. It was an interesting experiment and I could have kept them longer but it was just too much work and my dog did not approve at all.

Ill try and post pic later if anyone is interested.
posted by futz at 7:06 AM on July 10, 2012 [35 favorites]


so, cats thinking they are dogs: it can happen.

Other way 'round, too. I've had my 11 month old Boxer/Husky/Shepherd mix since he was just 8 weeks old, and he hangs out with the 12 year-old and 5 year-old cats. He has picked up the habit of winding himself around our legs, just like the cats do.
posted by MissySedai at 7:09 AM on July 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


Ill try and post pic later if anyone is interested.

EVERYONE IS INTERESTED.
posted by davidjmcgee at 7:13 AM on July 10, 2012 [142 favorites]


likeso: "But the cat knows."

No kidding. I guess I'm anthropomorphizing, but the 10th picture seriously looks like the cat is freaking the fuck out while trying to keep calm around the tigers.
posted by schmod at 7:20 AM on July 10, 2012


Ill try and post pic later if anyone is interested.

Nah. I can't imagine anyone on Metafilter wanting even more baby tiger pics.
posted by jeather at 7:21 AM on July 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


I knew a family that raised an abandoned puppy with their cats. Even after he had fully grown, the dog would growl when he was happy - he thought he was purring.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 7:22 AM on July 10, 2012 [13 favorites]


Oh yeah, digers. They're pretty much my favorite animal. They're like a dog and a tiger mixed ... bred for their skills in magic.
posted by headnsouth at 7:23 AM on July 10, 2012 [10 favorites]


I think, actually, that the ask rule about being obliged to share pet photos when you ask a pet question has to be extended to being obliged to share baby tiger photos when you mention you used to have tigers at home, probably with the consequence that you will be banned if you don't share them. It's only fair.
posted by jeather at 7:24 AM on July 10, 2012 [10 favorites]


It's going to be a little different in a couple of years when those tigers grow to 300+ pounds. Big tigers, hungry for shar pei flesh.
posted by Nelson at 7:27 AM on July 10, 2012


In fairness, anyone who isn't hungry for shar pei flesh hasn't tried it. Yummo.
posted by delfin at 7:37 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


pic related
posted by egor83 at 7:38 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Will do! I have to go to work so I will post when I get home later this afternoon.
posted by futz at 7:46 AM on July 10, 2012


That cat in #10 is like, "Hey guys! There's a TIGER loose in the house! Guys! Does anybody else see this? Holy crap! A TIGER!"

The tiger is like, "Soon, I will be large enough to eat you."
posted by Scientist at 7:58 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]




In that last picture gsh linked to, I noticed there are kittens as well. Kittens, puppies, tigers all in one home. I'd never leave the house.
posted by aclevername at 8:27 AM on July 10, 2012 [11 favorites]


I can't compete with futz's pictures, but this is a puppycat. This is further evidence of his puppycatness.

Also, now I really want some baby tigers.
posted by rtha at 8:27 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


nicebookrack: I'm curious how many Shar Pei puppies there are; the adorable folds make them hard to tell apart. Would there be danger the cubs could accidentally hurt the puppies, or would they learn from experience to play gently? While they're still roughly the same size, I mean; after a while the tigers' size and strength will be much more disproportionate.
Doubt it. It's not like they are passive objects; the babies are communicating and learning from one another. Puppies are fairly pain-tolerant, especially to sharps - their littermates' teeth are nearly needles, and heaven knows a pup gets bitten about 100x a day in play. When play gets too rough, they YELP!, and the littermate backs off. It's how they learn the difference between play and too-much.
posted by IAmBroom at 9:08 AM on July 10, 2012


Between these pictures and this, my day has improved immensely.
posted by amarynth at 9:12 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


I'll take one of the kittens if that would help.
posted by maryr at 9:16 AM on July 10, 2012


Will do! I have to go to work so I will post when I get home later this afternoon.

It's afternoon on the east coast.
posted by snickerdoodle at 9:23 AM on July 10, 2012


Unidentified noises are always a concern in the Khodakova household.

This is easily my favorite of the captions.

"Well, we have a photo of a cat and a tiger staring blankly off into space. Uh"
posted by Greg Nog at 9:27 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Note to Amur tigers - one of the rarest tigers on the planet: you wouldn't be so damn endangered if you'd feed your cubs.
posted by jetsetsc at 9:36 AM on July 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


And additional photo set.
posted by MuffinMan at 6:38 AM on July 10 [2 favorites −] Favorite added! [!]


This one, followed directly, by this one, made me giggle.
posted by FirstMateKate at 9:56 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Who's a kitten! Eat the baby, kitten!
posted by rtha at 10:15 AM on July 10, 2012


The thing I like about puppycat is that, while he chases after a thrown object like a dog does, his bring-back is pure feline nonchalance.
posted by benito.strauss at 11:08 AM on July 10, 2012 [9 favorites]


Seriously, how long is your work day? Because holding out on pictures of baby tigers is just mean.
posted by stoneweaver at 11:34 AM on July 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


OK, that sounded ungrateful. I am grateful in anticipation of more baby tigers. I shall contain my impatience.
posted by stoneweaver at 11:37 AM on July 10, 2012


I am okay with being unreasonable

GET BACK HERE AND GIVE US BABY TIGERS DAMMIT
posted by elizardbits at 11:45 AM on July 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


Mother: Awwww.
Dog: Babies.
Cat: Friends.
Tigers: Soon. Very soon.
posted by Splunge at 11:59 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


That woman should get her animals spayed/neutered.
posted by New England Cultist at 12:07 PM on July 10, 2012


While we wait: all the tigers tagged on zooborns.
posted by davidjmcgee at 1:07 PM on July 10, 2012


this is the death of tiger culture
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 1:33 PM on July 10, 2012


Here you go. They were surprisingly difficult to photograph so sorry about the blurry ones. I am also searching for more pics on my old computer. I really want to find the picture of the tigers and my disapproving dog.
posted by futz at 1:50 PM on July 10, 2012 [90 favorites]


obnubilate's images are not publicly available.

Yeah and I bet the check is in the mail, too.
posted by griphus at 1:54 PM on July 10, 2012


Dammit. It took me forever to make an account and get through the captcha hoops. This better work.
posted by futz at 1:59 PM on July 10, 2012 [7 favorites]


Nope. Clock is ticking on Fantastic Comment flag, futz...

*tapping foot*
posted by likeso at 2:01 PM on July 10, 2012


I just made it public. Sigh.
posted by futz at 2:02 PM on July 10, 2012


YAY! Flagged! :))
posted by likeso at 2:03 PM on July 10, 2012


OH GOD BABIES
BABIES
OH GOD
posted by griphus at 2:05 PM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


THANK YOU FUTZ
posted by Greg Nog at 2:07 PM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Okay, now you are with actual experience with BABY TIGERS and all, so nonchelant, I'm gonna AYA your hindquarters.

Are they as soft as they look?
What do they smell like?
How often do they eat?
Their claws... yes?
How long did you have them?
How old are they now and have you seen them lately?
What are their names?
posted by likeso at 2:11 PM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


(I am typoidal with excitement)
posted by likeso at 2:12 PM on July 10, 2012


CAN I HAVE ONE?
posted by griphus at 2:13 PM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


eeeeeeeeeee
posted by elizardbits at 2:15 PM on July 10, 2012


The Story of the Baby Tigers of Futz.

I must read this.
posted by likeso at 2:18 PM on July 10, 2012


Are they as soft as they look? So soft!
What do they smell like? Mostly they smelled like the formula that we fed them.
How often do they eat? At least every 2 hours.
Their claws... yes? Very strong and super ouchy!
How long did you have them? About three days.
How old are they now and have you seen them lately? I have seen pictures. Only one guy can get near them.
What are their names? You know, they were so little that I don't think that they had names yet.

Looking back on it all I am questioning the whole idea of us taking them home at all. They were so wobbily and small. Their eyes hadn't been open long. The idea was to, to what? I don't know. They should have been with their mom. The guy who loaned them to us had a baby bear that was cute as hell too. His claws were something else.

I have a lot of pics of us trying to hold onto the tigers while they wiggled and clawed us. Almost every person has a look of complete "holy shit!" on their face. There was no ill intent on the behalf of the tigers at that young age. It was just their nature to be little wiggle bags with really pointy teeth and nails. The only time they were calm was during feeding and nap time.
posted by futz at 2:29 PM on July 10, 2012 [41 favorites]


The guy who loaned them to us

what

what
posted by elizardbits at 2:33 PM on July 10, 2012 [8 favorites]


Was his name Vladimir Putin

[ ] Y
[ ] N
posted by elizardbits at 2:34 PM on July 10, 2012 [17 favorites]


N

You have a Russian fetish don't you?
posted by futz at 2:36 PM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Thank you, futz. THANK YOU.
I have now vicariously snorgled a baby tiger.
posted by likeso at 2:41 PM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


futz. You are not getting out of this without telling us the whole story, start to finish. You will save us all the hassle by just telling us the whole TELL US THE GODDAMNED TIGER STORY PLEASE
posted by Riki tiki at 2:52 PM on July 10, 2012 [9 favorites]


Also, "it's hard to explain if you don't speak Russian" is my new go-to phrase when people don't get my jokes. (previously)
posted by Riki tiki at 3:00 PM on July 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


ALSO - please please please tell me that your kids know how AMAZING THEIR LIFE IS. Because they got to interact with baby tigers! That is phenomenal! SQUEEEEEEEE
posted by stoneweaver at 3:17 PM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'm sad. I still can't access futz' tiger pics.
posted by aclevername at 3:39 PM on July 10, 2012


SNORGLE!!!
posted by Space Kitty at 4:25 PM on July 10, 2012


It is more of a Putin fetish, tbh. HE IS THE DREAMIEST EVIL DICTATOR EVER.
posted by elizardbits at 4:37 PM on July 10, 2012 [7 favorites]


With their long faces, they look so sad. Don't be sad little baby tigers, I will cuddle you and I promise not to complain about the blood and scarring.

I'd be totally cool with meeting this friend who likes to lend out tigers and borrow some too.
posted by jeather at 5:06 PM on July 10, 2012 [6 favorites]


I'm looking for more pics...

It is difficult to tell more of the story without giving too much personal information away. There is an ex and his kids involved. Let's just say that that part of my life was "interesting" and there are several fairly (to some) well known people involved. I know that this all sounds cagey and disappointing but I really don't want my mefi name associated with a public persona. I purposely chose photos that left out certain people. I really wish I could say more.

/downer
posted by futz at 5:09 PM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


I'm sad. I still can't access futz' tiger pics.

Have you enabled javascript?
posted by ersatz at 5:23 PM on July 10, 2012


Futz, are these well-known people named Siegfried and/or Roy? Just curious. Feel free to answer in Pig Latin or Esperanto.
posted by FelliniBlank at 5:47 PM on July 10, 2012 [6 favorites]


NO GOOD CAN COME OF THIS
posted by mwhybark at 6:12 PM on July 10, 2012


Tiger: Beware of Dog?
posted by homunculus at 7:37 PM on July 10, 2012


Aw, futz, that's okay but didn't you get the memo about how privacy is so last year? I can forward it to you if you like. But from here on, I propose that you be known as "MeFi's Own futz, who had baby tigers loaned to him that time."
posted by rtha at 7:41 PM on July 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


Putin’s Pussy Problem
posted by homunculus at 7:50 PM on July 10, 2012


And I just actually read your profile. Her. Had tigers loaned to her.
posted by rtha at 7:56 PM on July 10, 2012


Wait, it was Jack Hanna who loaned you those tigerbabies, wasn't it? Anybody who regularly goes on national TV and says, "Here, hold this gila monster," is only too likely to engage in shameless tiger-loaning.
posted by FelliniBlank at 6:25 AM on July 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Yes, you are released from telling us all the stories about the baby tigers. It is enough that you have brought us pictures of them. Thank you!
posted by stoneweaver at 7:16 AM on July 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Are they as soft as they look? So soft!
What do they smell like? Mostly they smelled like the formula that we fed them.
How often do they eat? At least every 2 hours.
Their claws... yes? Very strong and super ouchy!


Not unlike human babies then.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 8:49 AM on July 11, 2012 [1 favorite]




Metafilter: Only too likely to engage in shameless tiger-loaning
posted by tommasz at 9:32 AM on July 11, 2012


Futz, can I ask another question? What did they sound like? Did they squeak? Roar in their own little baby way? Did they purr? Did the purring sound like a freight train rumbling by?

I am so jealous of your former life as Tiger Cub Wrangler.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 12:41 PM on July 11, 2012




What did they sound like?

Raspy squeaks. It was like they had business to attend to and were trying to let you know that it was IMPORTANT BUSINESS. I know that they thought they were roaring. Well, I'd like to think that I know that...
posted by futz at 4:33 PM on July 11, 2012 [13 favorites]


your former life as Tiger Cub Wrangler.

Hey I was a Tiger Cub den leader, we made racecars, we sang songs for the nursing home people, we did campouts...I have pics!

Anybody?

they weren't that cute
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 6:18 AM on July 12, 2012 [2 favorites]


When I was a teenager, my county fair had a Bengal tiger cub (with mommy in a cage nearby) and I got to hold it and feed it a bottle for $10. I have a picture somewhere. If I ever find it I'll post it. But I have absolutely no idea where it is.
posted by IndigoRain at 6:41 AM on July 12, 2012


Yes, you are released from telling us all the stories about the baby tigers. It is enough that you have brought us pictures of them. Thank you!

YOU DON'T HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO DO THAT, stoneweaver!
posted by Edison Carter at 7:43 AM on July 12, 2012 [1 favorite]






Talk to the cabal, Edison Carter. Last I checked I was authorized for low-level releases.
posted by stoneweaver at 12:32 PM on July 17, 2012


Conspiracy!
posted by Edison Carter at 3:34 PM on July 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


EDISON! Say no more! Ti no ni era sdom eht.
posted by IAmBroom at 9:53 AM on July 18, 2012


I'm so glad this was sidebarred cuz it's the most fun ever.
posted by sweetkid at 10:55 AM on July 18, 2012


The Tigers and the Strawberry
posted by homunculus at 1:18 PM on July 18, 2012


Brand new Amur Tiger babies in the U.S.! There's video of mom giving birth and of the cubs' first checkup.

Not as adorable as tigers with a dog for a wet nurse, but pretty adorable.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:15 PM on July 24, 2012


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