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July 10, 2012 9:31 AM   Subscribe

If Websites Were People: Etsy. Tumblr. Fox News. Jezebel. Gawker. WebMD. Groupon. (MLYT)
posted by DarlingBri (218 comments total) 48 users marked this as a favorite

 
I am scared to watch the Jezebel one because if there is even the slightest degree of accuracy that person will be my ETERNAL FUCKING NEMESIS.
posted by elizardbits at 9:33 AM on July 10, 2012 [10 favorites]


elizardbits you should click before you type because it is just my webcam :(:(:(
posted by shakespeherian at 9:38 AM on July 10, 2012


now we must fight to the death
posted by elizardbits at 9:39 AM on July 10, 2012


A few in the Fox News ones weren't even parodies, but everything else is funny.
posted by DU at 9:41 AM on July 10, 2012


If websites were people: Metafilter.

Meh.
posted by The Whelk at 9:42 AM on July 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


The Groupon one is good.
posted by mrgrimm at 9:42 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


"I like your necklace" "Thank you, it's a Diva Cup" I LOLed, even though that was not a Diva Cup around her neck.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:43 AM on July 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


The Etsy video was nowhere near as mean as it could (should?) have been.

That girl really needed to be wearing a fake "Indian" headdress or one of those stupid spirit hoods.

...or just a bunch of shit from Alibaba.
posted by The demon that lives in the air at 9:46 AM on July 10, 2012 [6 favorites]


heh. "Daisy is just Princess Peach with morals."
posted by Thorzdad at 9:50 AM on July 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


I always expected GroupOn to be a pervert.
posted by lodurr at 9:51 AM on July 10, 2012


Groupon needed to be a few years older but yes, these are delightful.
posted by The Whelk at 9:52 AM on July 10, 2012


The Etsy one is eerily close to some people I know.
posted by MartinWisse at 9:54 AM on July 10, 2012


I know next to nothing about any of these websites. That said, I can't wait for the io9 one.
posted by cthuljew at 9:55 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'm afraid to watch the Gawker one for the same reason elizardbits was afraid to watch the Jezebel one. But the etsy and tumblr ones did make me laugh out loud multiple times which is pretty good for any web based humor, really.

What's great about those two is that it's the type of humor that feels 'cruel yet kind' -- because it mocks the website/medium/culture but there's no way that even those who love those things shouldn't be able to find the humor in it.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:56 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Jezebel's line about Don Draper is pretty darn funny.
posted by Eyebeams at 9:56 AM on July 10, 2012


Hey these are great WAIT THE TUMBLR ONE SAID "JIFF" KILL KILL KILL KILL
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:57 AM on July 10, 2012 [11 favorites]


Gdzhraphical Image Format. What is so hard about that? Or do you just have something against the Tbilisian engineers that came up with it?
posted by griphus at 9:58 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


JIFF
posted by cthuljew at 9:59 AM on July 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


Spirit Hoods?

I think you mean

FYSH

hate it when someone beats me to a good punch line creation...
posted by Windopaene at 10:00 AM on July 10, 2012


Sorry, Potomac Avenue, it's definitely pronounced "jiff" (at least according to its author).
posted by deathpanels at 10:00 AM on July 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


That said, I can't wait for the io9 one.

The biggest lesson form ROTFLcon was that People Are Their Websites, runners of website tend to embody the site's culture.

So io9 really should be a slick shiny cyborg in a well-tailored suit smiling right before activating the RELEASE MEGASQUID button.
posted by The Whelk at 10:01 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


THEN THE AUTHOR IS WRONG
posted by elizardbits at 10:01 AM on July 10, 2012 [25 favorites]


I'm not going to derail, but the inventor of everything is wrong about their thing.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:01 AM on July 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


Hi-mfing-5, eliz.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:02 AM on July 10, 2012


deathpanels got to it before I could. JIFF 4 LIFE, DEATH TO THE HARD G.
posted by komara at 10:02 AM on July 10, 2012 [7 favorites]


So - did anyone turn that scene into a gif?
posted by symbioid at 10:03 AM on July 10, 2012


I will set this place on fire again if I have to.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:04 AM on July 10, 2012


They got etsy, what about regretsy?
posted by symbioid at 10:04 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


THEN THE AUTHOR IS WRONG
posted by elizardbits at 12:01 on July 10 [+] [!]

I'm not going to derail, but the inventor of everything is wrong about their thing.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:01 on July 10 [+] [!]
Roland Barthes in this joint.
posted by samofidelis at 10:05 AM on July 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


They got etsy, what about regretsy?

It's probably just going to be somebody punching the actress who played etsy.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:06 AM on July 10, 2012 [14 favorites]


The other day at lunch a poor unsuspecting fool YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE said jiff aloud and the rest of us turned on him like a pedantic shark feeding frenzy.
posted by elizardbits at 10:06 AM on July 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


...I removed the engine from my Vespa and turned it into a planter -- and i feel so liberated!

...such detailed stitches!


*sigh*

I jest, but I just ordered the hemstitcher attachment for our Singer Model 99 and have a weekly wheel thrown potter class that is turning out to be very inspiring. I just got through perusing Etsy for ideas that I will steal and never be able to mimic in real life.

Bring it on festive berry bowl colander thing!
posted by RolandOfEld at 10:07 AM on July 10, 2012


They got etsy, what about regretsy?

Same film, except the camera is pointed at the filmographer and it's nothing but reaction shots.
posted by cortex at 10:08 AM on July 10, 2012 [19 favorites]


Cripes, did I /date/ Tumblr?

I dated Tumblr.

Fuck. Um. Yeah.
posted by clvrmnky at 10:08 AM on July 10, 2012 [7 favorites]


I don't understand this ridiculous "berry bowl" thing. It is a bowl. With holes. Exactly like the plastic/cardboard thingy that fruit comes in already. Do... do people not know to just rinse their fruit in that? Is this possible?
posted by elizardbits at 10:09 AM on July 10, 2012


I said jiff in front of my kids and they were all over me. I told them about how the creator of that format says it's pronounced that way and - they didn't care. Rotten kids. :-(
posted by Eyebeams at 10:10 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


But that thing is made out of insecticide...?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:10 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


The other day at lunch a poor unsuspecting fool YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE said jiff aloud and the rest of us turned on him like a pedantic shark feeding frenzy.

Getting jiffy with it.
posted by MartinWisse at 10:11 AM on July 10, 2012


I definitely rinse my berries in the original package (ok ok, settle down). But I also definitely have noticed it is far from optimal. Water sits in the little cup shapes between the holes in the original box, which means I get little puddles in the fridge.
posted by DU at 10:11 AM on July 10, 2012


We just have a crappy colander anyway. It won't really serve as a berry bowl per se but will be a colander designed for our sink situation. That said, we will be using our yet-to-be-made butter keeper like true bosses of butter.
posted by RolandOfEld at 10:12 AM on July 10, 2012


From the Jezebel one: "I LOVE that that woman is embracing her weight..........but that dress makes her look fat." Aha ha ha! I know people/websites like this, oh my yes.
posted by but no cigar at 10:12 AM on July 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


I like that butter thing too but only in a house with no cats, insects, dust or other flying debris.
posted by DU at 10:13 AM on July 10, 2012


Cripes, did I /date/ Tumblr?

I dated Tumblr.

Fuck. Um. Yeah.


...I think I am Tumblr.


*SHAME*
posted by The Whelk at 10:14 AM on July 10, 2012


I want to see a few more:

Fark.com: Drunk frat boy reading the Orlando, FL newspaper.
Boingboing: Guy in a steampunk suit taking apart a Hamilton Beach mixer and grafting it to an iphone with a Lego Mindstorm set.
4chan: Nude girl in an anonymous mask with a timestamp on her butt being molested by a dwarf in an SS uniform.
Metafilter: an intelligent, erudite conversation derailed by a discussion about how to pronounce the word GIF. Then someone makes a fart joke and the librarian has to come in and straighten us out.
posted by Mcable at 10:14 AM on July 10, 2012 [32 favorites]


Metafilter is totally a dude walking around with a teeshirt that says 'IRONIC TEESHIRT' and he keeps pointing at it and going 'Get it?'
posted by shakespeherian at 10:16 AM on July 10, 2012 [26 favorites]


Cripes, did I /date/ Tumblr?

I dated Tumblr.


I may have dated Jezebel.
posted by zombieflanders at 10:16 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


It's pronounced yiff.
posted by zippy at 10:17 AM on July 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


no cats, insects, dust or other flying debris

You know it's sealed upside down with a neat water seal in a fashion that will protect it from the latter three right? The cat argument is valid I suppose, but not a problem for this allergic person.
posted by RolandOfEld at 10:17 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


"I'm on this new diet where I only eat buttons."

Hah.

(I, literally, snorted.)
posted by Benny Andajetz at 10:18 AM on July 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


Something Awful just turns on your laptop camera.
posted by The Whelk at 10:19 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


It's not funny to make me laugh so hard at this time of day.
posted by caclwmr4 at 10:21 AM on July 10, 2012


Every one of these so far is so much better than I had dared hope. I didn't expect to "get" Jezebel since I don't like read it or anything, but I actually had to keep pausing it because I was laughing so hard. "That biopic just completely missed the point." omg i'm in pain
posted by George_Spiggott at 10:21 AM on July 10, 2012


...I think I am Tumblr.

Oh, honey, I thought you knew already.
posted by cortex at 10:24 AM on July 10, 2012 [8 favorites]


Oh, Honey, I thought you knew already
posted by The Whelk at 10:25 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


The cat argument is valid if you consider that a cat will knock it off the counter, break the dish, get water everywhere, eat all the butter, and then take a giant buttery crap up the wall in total defiance of the laws of physics, god, and decency.
posted by elizardbits at 10:25 AM on July 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


Metafilter: The cat argument is valid.
posted by cthuljew at 10:29 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


I enjoy the idea that the Metafilter video is just people arguing over pronunciation
posted by The Whelk at 10:29 AM on July 10, 2012 [9 favorites]


and cats
posted by elizardbits at 10:30 AM on July 10, 2012


...break the dish, get water everywhere, eat all the butter, and then take a giant buttery crap up the wall in total defiance of the laws of physics, god, and decency.

COLLEGE
posted by griphus at 10:30 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


I love that that woman is embracing her weight... but that dress makes her look fat.

Yeah, the Jezebel one is my favourite.
posted by gaspode at 10:31 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Fox News is breaking up with you "because you have allergies, and I can't be with someone who's losing to the weakest part of nature on a daily basis."
I have no idea why that's my favorite.
But I kinda want Fox News to go on a blind date with Jezebel.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 10:39 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Wait...why would butter have to be refrigerated without one of these? We keep ours in a lidded dish on the counter.

Maybe we just go through butter faster than it can go bad? It's definitely butter, not some chemical goo. Half to three-quarters of a stick at a time.
posted by DU at 10:40 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


*Two people are arguing, its getting increasingly heated until Metafilter swoops in, punching one person while screaming THIS BREAKS THE GUIDELINES and then goes into a ten minute rant how in the latest Spiderman movie Peter totally ruins that Hispanic interns chance at higher education*
posted by The Whelk at 10:41 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Hmm, I guess Nerve.com is a person already...
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:42 AM on July 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


While butter made from pasteurized cream may keep for several months, raw cream butter has a shelf life of roughly ten days.
So sayeth Wikipedia. We surely finish a stick in less time than 10 days and definitely in less than "several months".
posted by DU at 10:43 AM on July 10, 2012


I just drove across the country and back with Jezebel.
posted by jpziller at 10:45 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


oh, yes, that's definitely nerve.com.
posted by lodurr at 10:48 AM on July 10, 2012


Sorry, Potomac Avenue, it's definitely pronounced "jiff" (at least according to its author).

The author should not be trusted to make acronyms - not if they can turn Graphics Interchange Format into "jiff" - you don't change your G.

also GUI is not "joo-ey".
posted by jb at 10:49 AM on July 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


Wait...why would butter have to be refrigerated without one of these? We keep ours in a lidded dish on the counter.

I don't suppose the crock is absolutely necessary for butter that's not refrigerated. It basically takes the place of your lidded dish solution but re-winded to the late 19th century.

On preview: Yea, a stick would last way longer than 10 days for us, but this little crock would look alot better on the counter than something like this. Doubly nice is the fact that you just pick up the upper part containing the butter and flip it over for a nice presentation. I may have heard somewhere the the little bit of evaporation of the water also gives you butter that is somewhat, though probably not noticeably imho, cooler than room temp.
posted by RolandOfEld at 10:49 AM on July 10, 2012


As nearly as I can work out these writer/performers are in some way associated with IO Improv Chicago. Which doesn't come as a complete surprise -- they're too solid to be complete amateurs or for this to be a first effort.
posted by George_Spiggott at 10:50 AM on July 10, 2012


In some way, this is the iconic metafilter thread cause it turns into a conversation about butter preservation habits.
posted by The Whelk at 10:51 AM on July 10, 2012 [17 favorites]


...this little crock would look alot better on the counter than something like this. Doubly nice is the fact that you just pick up the upper part containing the butter and flip it over for a nice presentation.

I still feel like I'm missing something. Those are features that already exist. What's the selling point of the need to manage drips and change water every few days?
posted by DU at 10:52 AM on July 10, 2012


Wait, don't all metafilter threads turn into a conversation about butter preservation habits?
posted by mcstayinskool at 10:54 AM on July 10, 2012


"I wish these sausages could be more gender neutral" is my favorite line from these. I hope to use that line myself soon. For whatever reason.
posted by mcstayinskool at 10:57 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


How do people go through a stick of butter in ten days?
posted by griphus at 10:57 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


I still feel like I'm missing something. Those are features that already exist. What's the selling point of the need to manage drips and change water every few days?
posted by DU at 1:52 PM on July 10 [+] [!]


Since we have no air conditioning, it's too warm on our counter to keep butter out of the fridge in the summer - it melts and gets bad tasting. Something that would lower the temperature just enough to keep it cool would be nice.

That said, having been raised on refrigerated butter, that's what I'm used to and I like the taste of hard butter better than soft.
posted by jb at 10:58 AM on July 10, 2012


I put forth that butter packed into the crock is going to be less exposed to oxygen/contaminants than in one of the tray type dishes because only the top layer is exposed, whereas with the dish you're looking at 5 sides of the butter stick being open to the surrounding air.

Not to mention that only the plastic tupperware-style ones are generating any type of air seal worth mentioning. I've never really liked how those things looked either, and the plastic ones are even more blech...

I rather enjoy the fact that a butter storage conversation isn't completely unexpected here... I fully admit I may be odd in that regard.
posted by RolandOfEld at 11:00 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]



How do people go through a stick of butter in ten days?

You don't make a lot of sauces do you?

I knew a gay republican who looked, sounded, and acted just like the Fox News clip. IT IS CREEPY.
posted by The Whelk at 11:01 AM on July 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


How do people go through a stick of butter in ten days?

Do you not know of Paula Deen?
posted by zombieflanders at 11:01 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


My favorite thing about threads like these is that I'm tempted to post all of my favorite quotes but (usually) don't -- and then I come back in a few hours and find that a lot of them have been taken care of by somebody else, and I get to laugh all over again. Along with a pronunciation argument and a discussion about food spoilage.

Which I guess, if you could make that into a video performed by somebody in cute glasses, would be Metafilter.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:03 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


First of all, it sounds like we go through butter faster than average, possibly due to children. And maybe the cats.

Second of all, I hadn't thought of AC.

Third of all, we get great air protection because when you scrape the extra butter off on the side of the bowl and then wash the bowl only once per month, that butter forms a gasket against which the lid is hermetically sealed.
posted by DU at 11:03 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Refrigerating butter is one of those little compromises that came with cohabitation. I grew up with butter on a dish on the counter, and there were six of us so we went through a given stick pretty quickly, but my wife grew up with butter in the fridge and having it out all the time is not so okay in her book. But! But hard butter is a pain in the ass to spread on not-rock-hard bread. But buttered toast etc. is super tasty!

I ended up taking a pat-and-wait approach where I cut off little hard slices of butter, thinnish, and drop them onto the thing that needs buttering, and then fuck off to do something else for a couple minutes. And then when I come back: soft refrigerated butter! It's like a goddam miracle.
posted by cortex at 11:04 AM on July 10, 2012


I'm gonna go start a food blog
posted by The Whelk at 11:06 AM on July 10, 2012 [9 favorites]


How do people go through a stick of butter in ten days?

Waffles. Sooooo many waffles.
posted by mcstayinskool at 11:07 AM on July 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


Refrigerating butter is one of those little compromises that came with cohabitation.

It needn't be like this. We have two sticks of butter in our house - one refrigerated, one on the counter. We consider it to be a good investment in marital harmony and a lot cheaper than couples therapy!
posted by DarlingBri at 11:08 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Third of all...

I've never seen one utilized like that, had no idea it was a feature and not a bug to get the place where it meets up sufficiently smeared to create a seal. Interesting idea but Mrs.Eld wouldn't stand for that level of buildup I think.

That said, I've never used one of the french thingies before so we'll see how it goes after making and using it. The water (drips and changing) factor could be a huge PITA that I'm not accounting for, so we'll see. To what cortex said we'll probably use this for a holder/staging area for our spreadable supply and keep the stuff for recipes/cookies in the fridge as that's how she and I were both raised.

On Preview: what DarlingBri said.
posted by RolandOfEld at 11:09 AM on July 10, 2012


I use the classical Latin pronunciation- giff.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:10 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


No, seriously. Politics.
posted by Sonny Jim at 11:11 AM on July 10, 2012


(damnit how do I get the webcam to work)
posted by The Whelk at 11:11 AM on July 10, 2012


Keeping butter in the fridge is just dumb. The question is which method of keeping it out is best.
posted by DU at 11:12 AM on July 10, 2012


I WANT BUTTER RECIPES, STAT.

I don't eat bread/pasta/etc., though. And I'm lactose intolerant. And can't have spicy food. And my girlfriend doesn't like fish.
posted by griphus at 11:13 AM on July 10, 2012


I keep my butter in the freezer and cheese grate it onto toast as necessary.

I win the thread.
posted by elizardbits at 11:13 AM on July 10, 2012 [24 favorites]


Keeping butter in the fridge is just dumb.

Explain unto me how you make cookies with warm butter.

I keep my butter in the freezer and cheese grate it onto toast as necessary.

Bless your heart.
posted by RolandOfEld at 11:15 AM on July 10, 2012


Look into butter keepers, because they keep air out. Oxygen helps the butter fats turn rancid, and so an airtight water seal helps reduces rancidity.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:16 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


griphus I made you a beautiful fish of buttons.
posted by The Whelk at 11:16 AM on July 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


I have been using the same stick for almost a year.
posted by elizardbits at 11:16 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Someone reach behind the Whelk and flip the switch to "Conversation." I think it's stuck on "Dada" again.
posted by griphus at 11:18 AM on July 10, 2012 [20 favorites]


I keep my butter in the freezer and cheese grate it onto toast as necessary.

I keep mine in my mustache and let it melt through the day.

WHO'S THE WINNER NOW?
posted by zippy at 11:18 AM on July 10, 2012 [8 favorites]


BUTTER RECIPE FOR GRIPHUS:

- purchase lovely fermented french butter, perhaps President or Echire
- leave butter on counter to soften
- throw butter away and eat a burger with no bun
posted by elizardbits at 11:18 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Keeping butter in the fridge is just dumb.

Explain unto me how you make cookies with warm butter.


*sigh* Do I have to spell out The Entire Right Way To Do Butter?

It's very simple. When butter is on sale, you buy a bunch of it and put it in the freezer. When your current box is running low, you get one from the freezer and put it in the fridge. When you need butter for a recipe, use that butter. When the dish is running low, take (part of) one stick from the fridge and put it in the dish.

This is just a special case of How To Do Food. Store -> Freezer -> Fridge -> Table. Sometimes one or more of those steps is optional.
posted by DU at 11:19 AM on July 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


If you're not using the butter quickly enough, you don't need to keep the entire stick of butter out of the fridge. Half a stick at a time works great.

Exactly like the plastic/cardboard thingy that fruit comes in already. Do... do people not know to just rinse their fruit in that? Is this possible?

I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not, but berries from a bush are somewhat deficient in plastic/cardboard thingies.
posted by zamboni at 11:20 AM on July 10, 2012


Metafilter
posted by blue_beetle at 11:20 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


omg sorry i forgot that everyone on metafilter is a berry farmer, this is so embarrassing
posted by elizardbits at 11:22 AM on July 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


(damnit none of these free webcam recording programs work)
posted by The Whelk at 11:22 AM on July 10, 2012


Ok, DU we're on the same page afterall.

but berries from a bush are somewhat deficient in plastic/cardboard thingies.

Yep, and washing away the baby spiders after picking is priority numero uno for this guy righ here. Blackberry picking with family = fun. Grabbing spiderwebs and residents = not.
posted by RolandOfEld at 11:23 AM on July 10, 2012


I can't even remember what this thread was originally about.
posted by elizardbits at 11:24 AM on July 10, 2012


Metafilter.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 11:25 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Also, Jezebel was indeed the best.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 11:25 AM on July 10, 2012


everyone on metafilter is a berry farmer

They grow wild in the yard. If anything, I'd be more likely to call myself a "berry sufferer" as having to hack back the raspberry canes every few years is a bit painful. Still, the berries are yummy.
posted by DU at 11:25 AM on July 10, 2012


I can't even remember what this thread was originally about.

The internet.
posted by RolandOfEld at 11:27 AM on July 10, 2012


(I wouldn't really call myself a berry sufferer. I'm going to make can jam this year! And fresh-frozen raspberries are great in drinks, on toast, etc.)
posted by DU at 11:28 AM on July 10, 2012


Will accept yardberries please mail to griphus, c/o mouth.
posted by griphus at 11:29 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Damnit, straight in the yard berries
posted by The Whelk at 11:30 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


"that's not how I keep butter"
posted by The Whelk at 11:31 AM on July 10, 2012


Metafilter.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:31 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Metafilter.
posted by mrbill at 11:32 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Erik Clerpton did some of his best drumming with the Yardberries.
posted by griphus at 11:32 AM on July 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


Actually, Metafilter would be a time-lapse video shot during the drive from LA to NYC in an '88 Volvo - showing only the driver's face.
posted by mrbill at 11:33 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Metafilter isn't a Gus Van Sant movie
posted by The Whelk at 11:34 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


whoops, I meant: Metafilter
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:34 AM on July 10, 2012


Have you guys seriously made it this far without making a "hurf durf butter eater" reference? Metafilter, I am disappointed.
posted by specialagentwebb at 11:34 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


HURF DURF IS OLD MEME

LONG LIVE NEW MEME
posted by The Whelk at 11:36 AM on July 10, 2012


specialagentwebb: Ha. A quick search shows there might be something approximating coming full circle with that comment, perhaps someone more knowledgeable about site history can comment?
posted by RolandOfEld at 11:38 AM on July 10, 2012


Metafilter.
posted by elizardbits at 11:38 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


> or one of those stupid spirit hoods.

I know! Let's be furries and say we didn't.
posted by jfuller at 11:39 AM on July 10, 2012


Oh man, someone should do a If Websites Were People: USENET.
posted by RolandOfEld at 11:40 AM on July 10, 2012


(Five minute video of a television tuned to a dead channel.)
posted by griphus at 11:41 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Is it a blue channel or a black channel?

ARGUMENT
posted by The Whelk at 11:41 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Oh man, someone should do a If Websites Were People: USENET.

"I’d just like to interject for a moment. What you’re refering to as Linux, is in fact, GNU/LInux, or as I’ve recently taken to calling it, GNU plus Linux. Linux is not an operating system unto itself, but rather another free component of a fully functioning GNU system made useful by the GNU corelibs, shell utilities and vital system components comprising a full OS as defined by POSIX.

Many computer users run a modified version of the GNU system every day, without realizing it. Through a peculiar turn of events, the version of GNU which is widely used today is often called “Linux”, and many of its users are not aware that it is basically the GNU system, developed by the GNU Project.

There really is a Linux, and these people are using it, but it is just a part of the system they use. Linux is the kernel: the program in the system that allocates the machine’s resources to the other programs that you run. The kernel is an essential part of an operating system, but useless by itself; it can only function in the context of a complete operating system. Linux is normally used in combination with the GNU operating system: the whole system is basically GNU with Linux added, or GNU/Linux. All the so-called “Linux” distributions are really distributions of GNU/Linux."
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 11:44 AM on July 10, 2012 [15 favorites]


"Avon and Restal would never sleep together on the first date. You can keep this drawerfic in its drawer, thanks."
posted by griphus at 11:47 AM on July 10, 2012


"After other ingratiating marshlands, it can be almost differential aboard her model replenishment either wrestle after he has anew catered it. Anywhere each minus expeditiously that, messing earlier though higher. Back another but vainly another, conquering deeper plus better.

"Amidst no lamentation without an extension no shrill larkspur flogged no trundle pending every household, nor above each stammered the stanch phrasing reasoning - no same, the indolence, which you had powered underneath every orthophosphate of a farm atop every commissioner. Round all no brow he was the turntable at skin, all tempest plus all narcotic; nor excluding us he approximately gave a sufficiently unconscionable microscope down its exorbitant speedometer, no portico who had redecorated after our reharmonization." www.harmony.xenu
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:48 AM on July 10, 2012


Boingboing: Guy in a steampunk suit taking apart a Hamilton Beach mixer and grafting it to an iphone with a Lego Mindstorm set.

And then he ecstatically dry-humps it in front of you every day for three weeks. And when you ask him why he's doing that, he shrieks like a colicky infant and kicks you out of the house.
posted by Ratio at 11:48 AM on July 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


Now, what about the person embodying the cross-posted discussion between rec.arts.sf.starwars, rec.arts.sf.startrek, misc.test, and soc.culture.china?
posted by zippy at 11:49 AM on July 10, 2012


Cancel.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:50 AM on July 10, 2012


AskMetafilter: Someone gazing wistfully into the distance asking "I wonder if there is more I could know about Low Carb Vegan friendly slowcooker meals featured in short stories I read years ago?"

(damnit people why wont this webcam work crap)
posted by The Whelk at 11:50 AM on July 10, 2012 [8 favorites]


Okay now you're just going through my old AskMe questions.
posted by griphus at 11:51 AM on July 10, 2012


some of them only work when you have your pants off

i mean so i hear
posted by elizardbits at 11:51 AM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Oh man, someone should do a If Websites Were People: USENET.

USENET is a movie of someone offering you wildly inaccurate information about the Armenian genocide, forever. Or at least every Thanksgiving.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:53 AM on July 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


Ask Mefi: What Should I Do About GET YOUR OWN BLOG, DTMFA, use more lube. We Have Cameras.
posted by mrbill at 11:53 AM on July 10, 2012


Metafilter: This started as a conversation about sexism in comic books but now we're just swapping knitting patterns

MetaTalK: THIS. IS. UNREASONABLE.

Projects: I run blog that takes a lighthearted look at the fashions of Full House.

Mefi Music: Acoustic dubstep cover of Pink Floyd

Jobs: *crickets*
posted by The Whelk at 11:55 AM on July 10, 2012 [14 favorites]


If twitter were a person they would be a regular person.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:55 AM on July 10, 2012


Twitter wants you to RT this huffington post article they wrote - FOREVER.
posted by The Whelk at 11:56 AM on July 10, 2012


If twitter were a person they would be a regular person.

...with ADHD
posted by desjardins at 11:57 AM on July 10, 2012


I really REEEAAALLLLYYYYYYY want to see the SAHMs on Pinterest.

I will even admit to being one of them, sort of, only partially because I will never do handprint art.
posted by sonika at 11:57 AM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


with unmedicated ADHD.
posted by elizardbits at 11:58 AM on July 10, 2012


now now elizardbits what about hey look a car
posted by The Whelk at 11:59 AM on July 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


Also, Jezebel is every single person of any gender that I went to college with. All of them.
posted by sonika at 12:00 PM on July 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


RT squirrel.gif
posted by desjardins at 12:00 PM on July 10, 2012


RT squirrel.gif
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:02 PM on July 10, 2012


without ritalin my brain feels like a box of pigeons

do not like
posted by elizardbits at 12:02 PM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


without ritalin my brain feels like a box of pigeons

well for heaven's sake, put them to use.
posted by lodurr at 12:05 PM on July 10, 2012


coo coo.
posted by The Whelk at 12:07 PM on July 10, 2012


I'm way late to this party but just wanted to say that I read "Look into butter keepers..." as "Look, butter eaters..."

Also, this thread *is* the MetaFilter version.
posted by iamkimiam at 12:42 PM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Exactly, we don't have an IMG tag.
posted by The Whelk at 12:46 PM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Jezebel hangs out with Lena Dunham.
posted by Artw at 12:48 PM on July 10, 2012


That is almost too mean.
posted by elizardbits at 12:50 PM on July 10, 2012


They are totally hate-friends.
posted by The Whelk at 12:51 PM on July 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


cortex: And then when I come back: soft refrigerated butter! It's like a goddam miracle.

Fuckin' butter, how does it work??
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:00 PM on July 10, 2012


First, run the melon baller under hot water for a minute or so...
posted by griphus at 1:02 PM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


That's terrible for your cholesterol
posted by The Whelk at 1:10 PM on July 10, 2012


Every time I hear the phrase melon baller I picture a pathetic lonely loser making sweet love to a hole he as cut in a slightly warmed melon and feeling really pleased with himself and his life choices.

these mental horrors are just my cross to bear i suppose
posted by elizardbits at 1:13 PM on July 10, 2012 [10 favorites]


Fleshbot!
posted by Artw at 1:27 PM on July 10, 2012


dear god I don't want to know what you think of a lemon zester.
posted by The Whelk at 1:32 PM on July 10, 2012


it's definitely pronounced...

People, people, it's just another reason why we should all switch to ping files.
posted by Zed at 1:35 PM on July 10, 2012


you mean pinj files, don't you?
posted by lodurr at 1:41 PM on July 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


Explain unto me how you make cookies with warm butter.

Most of my cookie (and cake and pie crust) recipes require that you soften the butter before you mix them up. I've never baked with cold butter except for scones (where I can rub it in when I'm too lazy/forgetful to pre-soften).
posted by jb at 1:41 PM on July 10, 2012


you mean pinj files, don't you?
posted by lodurr at 4:41 PM on July 10 [+] [!]


No, pee-enn-gee files.
posted by jb at 1:41 PM on July 10, 2012


You people and your bizarre formats. I just store everything in pee-kicks.
posted by griphus at 1:45 PM on July 10, 2012


Yahoo Answers.
posted by The Lamplighter at 1:45 PM on July 10, 2012


I'm a professional graphic designer. I store all of my images in the native PhotoShop PTSD format.
posted by Mcable at 1:53 PM on July 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


Thats the format where you think you've closed it but then it keeps coming back.
posted by The Whelk at 1:54 PM on July 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


"USENET is not a website!!! Grr, argh."
posted by kmz at 1:58 PM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Yahoo Answers.

Griffin McElroy.
posted by kmz at 2:02 PM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Tumblr one just needed her repeatedly holding up a picture of Micheal Fassbender going "This. Right here."
posted by The Whelk at 2:03 PM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Pee-enn-gee or pee-enn-ghee? I just want to clarify this.
posted by zippy at 2:03 PM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Yahoo Answers.
posted by lodurr at 2:04 PM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


pee-enn-ghee. We've got to use butter, after all.
posted by lodurr at 2:04 PM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


My bumps. My bumps my bumps my bumps. Check it out.
posted by cortex at 2:05 PM on July 10, 2012


Gawker
Gizmodo
i09
Zappos

Metafilter
posted by obscurator at 2:24 PM on July 10, 2012


USENET is not a website

Did it on purpose, needed that final grar or I never would have gotten BINGO.
posted by RolandOfEld at 2:26 PM on July 10, 2012


Also, something something Eternal September, top-posting vs bottom-posting, religion.
posted by kmz at 2:29 PM on July 10, 2012


> "Pee-enn-gee or pee-enn-ghee? I just want to clarify this."

"PNG" is ... always pronounced "ping" in English, not "pinj" or "pee en gee" or any other multi-syllabic disaster.
posted by komara at 2:50 PM on July 10, 2012


DU: "First of all, it sounds like we go through butter faster than average, possibly due to children. And maybe the cats."

Wait. Are you also buttering your cats, or were you just attempting to achieve levitation?
posted by schmod at 3:01 PM on July 10, 2012


I'm a professional graphic designer. I store all of my images in the native PhotoShop PTSD format.

Ah, so you're Jezebel.com.
posted by kafziel at 3:37 PM on July 10, 2012


ZOMG obscurator, that "MetaFilter" is just dead on. Not everybody sleeps like you!
posted by sonika at 3:40 PM on July 10, 2012


something something Eternal September, top-posting vs bottom-posting, religion.
The Internet is full.  Go home.

posted by mrbill at 3:49 PM on July 10, 2012


DU: First of all, it sounds like we go through butter faster than average, possibly due to children. And maybe the cats.

I think Paula Deen butters her cats. "This is so good we're gonna be arrested" didn't come from nowhere, you know.
posted by Short Attention Sp at 3:57 PM on July 10, 2012


All I can say is if Fox News were actually that hawt, I might be tempted to watch it.
posted by darkstar at 4:39 PM on July 10, 2012


Dastardly I swear that was the only reason I hung around his real life doppelgänger " Hiw can someone so cute have such terrible opinions!? Maybe it's an act...."

It wasn't an act.

Also

Slate: You know those pancakes are made from kitten bones right, and contain carbs that are proven to give you canceraids also your dog doesn't love you, just wants your food, and the air is basically posion and those eight glasses f water you drink every day are slowly making you dumber and yo just think that suit is fashionable it's actually a hey wait where are you going?
posted by The Whelk at 4:59 PM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


One little oversight: Jezebel.com didn't use the word "bodysnarking" nor did she tell Kim Kardashian she'd look so much better without so much makeup on.

Oh, I have wasted my life.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 5:17 PM on July 10, 2012


Vice.com: A stoned 38-year-old who'll interrupt his discussion of African warlords to dry-hump a 17-year-old Vietnamese girl in cut-off mom jeans.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 5:19 PM on July 10, 2012


Fark.
posted by jonmc at 5:24 PM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


iO9Gizmodo
posted by obscurator at 5:32 PM on July 10, 2012


FARK always seemed like a bro. A bro who nudges you during the TV news, or pushes a newspaper or magazine article under your nose and makes some remark about it you've heard a million times before. And then laughs at his own joke.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 5:43 PM on July 10, 2012


Marisa Stole the Precious Thing: "Metafilter. "

Uhhhhhhh, no.

Where's the esoteric 80's music covered by a mandolin quartet? Where's the injokes? Where's the Jesus telling other people that that isn't appropriate behaviour? Where's the snark?
posted by Samizdata at 6:54 PM on July 10, 2012


elizardbits: "Every time I hear the phrase melon baller I picture a pathetic lonely loser making sweet love to a hole he as cut in a slightly warmed melon and feeling really pleased with himself and his life choices.

these mental horrors are just my cross to bear i suppose
"

STOP LOOKING IN MY WINDOW DAMN I...

Oh.

(Remember. INTERNAL dialogue. EXTERNAL dialogue.)
posted by Samizdata at 7:22 PM on July 10, 2012


"Metafilter is totally a dude walking around with a teeshirt that says 'IRONIC TEESHIRT' and he keeps pointing at it and going 'Get it?'"

No, I don't -- is this something I'd have to have a TV to understand?
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:24 PM on July 10, 2012


It'd be tough for them to do one for Metafilter without running into copyright issues with Portlandia.
posted by Navelgazer at 7:47 PM on July 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


"PNG" is ... always pronounced "ping" in English, not "pinj" or "pee en gee" or any other multi-syllabic disaster.

Seriously?! My whole joke was that "ping" was ridiculous, 'cause everyone knows it's P-N-G!
posted by Zed at 7:49 PM on July 10, 2012


I JUST WANTED TO POP IN AND SAY I PRONOUNCE "GIF" AS "LUXURY YACHT". THANK YOU.
posted by clvrmnky at 7:54 PM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


FWIW it's always been p-n-g and not ping for me.
posted by Artw at 7:55 PM on July 10, 2012


guys, guys, can we all just focus on the bigger picture, here? You say 'ping', you say 'p-n-g', I say 'Throat-Warbler Mangrove', but we're all here on the Blue together! Except mine's white. But still.
posted by lodurr at 8:15 PM on July 10, 2012


That's racist.
posted by cthuljew at 8:31 PM on July 10, 2012


Racist Pro (tm)
posted by Artw at 8:47 PM on July 10, 2012


All I can say is if Fox News were actually that hawt, I might be tempted to watch it.

On the other hand, if the parody actually featured someone who looked like a Fox host*, no one would watch it and all the funny would have gone to waste.

*If male, old and twisted with a dried foam residue in the corners of the mouth. If female, young and superficially attractive under the maybelline and clearcoat layers until you notice the dead, dead eyes.
posted by George_Spiggott at 8:59 PM on July 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Fuck Yeah, [your MetaFilter username]!
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 9:06 PM on July 10, 2012


Fuckin' butter, how does it work??

When a dairy farmer and a churn love each other very much ...
posted by zippy at 9:07 PM on July 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


I JUST WANTED TO POP IN AND SAY I PRONOUNCE "GIF" AS "LUXURY YACHT". THANK YOU.

"gif" may be spelled "luxury yacht" but it is of course pronounced "throatwobbler mangrove."
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:39 PM on July 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


It's the Privileged White Background, cthuljew.
posted by hattifattener at 11:13 PM on July 10, 2012


I'm gonna start a food blog.
posted by deborah at 1:47 AM on July 11, 2012


^ always reblog this
posted by The Whelk at 1:59 AM on July 11, 2012


I am very sad there isn't a Pinterest one. Yet.
posted by third word on a random page at 4:24 AM on July 11, 2012


Babies flowers Restoration hardware rainbow love kittens, there done.
posted by The Whelk at 4:55 AM on July 11, 2012


Interesting. I took the algorithm they employ to get these and ran it backwards to find out what website I am. Somewhat to my surprise, it turns out that I am the Iowa Corn Growers Association.
posted by kyrademon at 5:44 AM on July 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


Babies flowers Restoration hardware rainbow love kittens, there done.

Also: donut muffins and "donut muffins"
posted by zippy at 9:17 AM on July 11, 2012


jb: "Sorry, Potomac Avenue, it's definitely pronounced "jiff" (at least according to its author).

The author should not be trusted to make acronyms - not if they can turn Graphics Interchange Format into "jiff" - you don't change your G.

also GUI is not "joo-ey".
"

Oh GUI I'm not angry anymore!
posted by symbioid at 11:20 AM on July 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


I bought a berry bowl off of etsy.....I admit. But it's very pretty, a great size for .... berries. Looks good on my island, a beautiful shade of aubergine, well made and I gave a fellow artisan a little happy that day. Yes, I'm a proud berry bowl buyer!!
posted by pearlybob at 11:43 AM on July 11, 2012


Yes, I'm a proud berry bowl buyer!!

a fantastic hand-picked product, I'm sure
posted by mrgrimm at 2:53 PM on July 11, 2012


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