Livin' Large and Alone
July 13, 2012 8:12 PM Subscribe
Most of us are coupled, long to be or are working towards being. But why? Is there anything wrong with living single? Does our culture despise single people?
I highly recommend listening to the embedded interview in the second link from CBC's Q with Jian Ghomeshi.
While there seems to be evidence that married people are happier, live longer and are better off financially. How much research actually exists on people choosing to live a single life?
Are we actually prejudice against single people?
Are you a single person who feels this pressure? Are you coupled person wishing your single friends were as happy as you?
More reading
And the book.
I highly recommend listening to the embedded interview in the second link from CBC's Q with Jian Ghomeshi.
While there seems to be evidence that married people are happier, live longer and are better off financially. How much research actually exists on people choosing to live a single life?
Are we actually prejudice against single people?
Are you a single person who feels this pressure? Are you coupled person wishing your single friends were as happy as you?
More reading
And the book.
This post was deleted for the following reason: Half the links here are missing, maybe regroup and give this another shot tomorrow? -- cortex
During that deep dark night of the soul, we are all really single people.
Don't tell my wife.
posted by twoleftfeet at 8:31 PM on July 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
Don't tell my wife.
posted by twoleftfeet at 8:31 PM on July 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
I love you, but I've chosen PowerPC assembly
posted by hellojed at 8:33 PM on July 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by hellojed at 8:33 PM on July 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
I love you, but I've chosen PowerPC assembly
RISC is good
posted by Phssthpok at 8:36 PM on July 13, 2012
RISC is good
posted by Phssthpok at 8:36 PM on July 13, 2012
Psssst... looks like three of your links lead back to this page.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:43 PM on July 13, 2012
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:43 PM on July 13, 2012
Some links are not active yet, so I regret that I am unable to speak to all of OPs sources.
I must live in some kind of cultural vaccuum. I rarely see examples of the hand-wringingly terrible things that happen to minority groups I happen to be a part of. For instance, I don't think I've ever really experienced any negative reaction from people by virtue of my singleness (nearing a decade, cited for street cred). I am quick and kind when it is time to disabuse someone of the opinion that I am "in want of a wife" or similar nonsense. I take it as the compliment it is no doubt in part meant to be (rarely are the unattractive asked why they are not with someone or whether they would like to be, unless the questioner is actively trying to be cruel).
So, for those of you who empathize with the concepts in this post, gosh does that sound awful, but I can feel no camaraderie with you.
While I find singleness to be super-fun and much preferable to the alternative (personally) when all things are considered, I also have no problem with the science that says, well, everything OP cites (longevity, happiness, etc). Sure, totally down with that. But that certainly does not mean that everyone benefits equally or similarly from that experience (otherwise, who would ever get divorced?).
I am really disappointed with the perspective of the CBC interviewee. For example: there is no way in which being single should be seen through the same lens as that of the LGTBQ-alphabet community. What a silly thing to say! Being single is not something that defines me sexually (assuming I were into defining anyone sexually, which is a different post entirely). Socially, sure, to some extent. But to say it defines me sexually sounds very, uh, mindless? Thoughtless? It completely removes any meaningful context for other sex-identity definitions when "single" people are lumped in as well. Which I'm for, parenthetically, but it certainly isn't the goal of anyone who would say that.
Also: What kind of person needs someone else to validate their decision to be single? It is hard for me to take the patronization in being told that being single is a "valid, legitimate choice". May it never happen again, CBC interview!
The only time that being single is a real handicap is for those who work with children or who are in the clergy. Those people can be looked at as being suspect or unprepared for their job (particularly men). So I'll give you that, not that it comes up very often.
This sounds like a thing someone is trying to make into a Thing. I would find it hard to disagree more with the content of this post.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to sleep in my giant bed that I don't have to share with anyone else, as the Good Lord has allowed.
posted by Poppa Bear at 8:51 PM on July 13, 2012 [5 favorites]
I must live in some kind of cultural vaccuum. I rarely see examples of the hand-wringingly terrible things that happen to minority groups I happen to be a part of. For instance, I don't think I've ever really experienced any negative reaction from people by virtue of my singleness (nearing a decade, cited for street cred). I am quick and kind when it is time to disabuse someone of the opinion that I am "in want of a wife" or similar nonsense. I take it as the compliment it is no doubt in part meant to be (rarely are the unattractive asked why they are not with someone or whether they would like to be, unless the questioner is actively trying to be cruel).
So, for those of you who empathize with the concepts in this post, gosh does that sound awful, but I can feel no camaraderie with you.
While I find singleness to be super-fun and much preferable to the alternative (personally) when all things are considered, I also have no problem with the science that says, well, everything OP cites (longevity, happiness, etc). Sure, totally down with that. But that certainly does not mean that everyone benefits equally or similarly from that experience (otherwise, who would ever get divorced?).
I am really disappointed with the perspective of the CBC interviewee. For example: there is no way in which being single should be seen through the same lens as that of the LGTBQ-alphabet community. What a silly thing to say! Being single is not something that defines me sexually (assuming I were into defining anyone sexually, which is a different post entirely). Socially, sure, to some extent. But to say it defines me sexually sounds very, uh, mindless? Thoughtless? It completely removes any meaningful context for other sex-identity definitions when "single" people are lumped in as well. Which I'm for, parenthetically, but it certainly isn't the goal of anyone who would say that.
Also: What kind of person needs someone else to validate their decision to be single? It is hard for me to take the patronization in being told that being single is a "valid, legitimate choice". May it never happen again, CBC interview!
The only time that being single is a real handicap is for those who work with children or who are in the clergy. Those people can be looked at as being suspect or unprepared for their job (particularly men). So I'll give you that, not that it comes up very often.
This sounds like a thing someone is trying to make into a Thing. I would find it hard to disagree more with the content of this post.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to sleep in my giant bed that I don't have to share with anyone else, as the Good Lord has allowed.
posted by Poppa Bear at 8:51 PM on July 13, 2012 [5 favorites]
During that deep dark night of the soul, we are all really single people.
Which, I guess, is why I stay married. When you find someone and you share all the good stuff as well as all the crap life throws at you, you might as well see it through. But I'll never marry again. 30+ years, and I'm here to say it can get damn lonely being married sometimes.
posted by BlueHorse at 9:12 PM on July 13, 2012
Which, I guess, is why I stay married. When you find someone and you share all the good stuff as well as all the crap life throws at you, you might as well see it through. But I'll never marry again. 30+ years, and I'm here to say it can get damn lonely being married sometimes.
posted by BlueHorse at 9:12 PM on July 13, 2012
Half your links are broke dude.
posted by elizardbits at 9:21 PM on July 13, 2012
posted by elizardbits at 9:21 PM on July 13, 2012
« Older A Natural Order of Relationships | For SCIENCE! Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by -harlequin- at 8:25 PM on July 13, 2012 [1 favorite]