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July 17, 2012 10:40 AM   Subscribe

#DIRTYLAUNDRY is a short (and extremely violent) fan film about the Punisher, which is notable because it was directed by and stars Thomas Jane, who starred in the 2004 Punisher film. (Also featuring a appearance by Ron Perlman.)
posted by mightygodking (52 comments total) 21 users marked this as a favorite

 
This is the best cinematic version of the Punisher ever made. Sadly, this isn't saying much.
posted by clockworkjoe at 10:42 AM on July 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


I thought #DIRTYLAUNDRY was great because the only way the Punisher can really work in a movie is to make him a slasher-esque monster. Because that's what he is.
posted by clockworkjoe at 10:43 AM on July 17, 2012


that guy's head EXPLODED.
posted by The Whelk at 10:46 AM on July 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


#DIRTYLAUNDRY is a short (and extremely violent) fan film about the Punisher, which is notable because it was directed by and stars Thomas Jane, who starred in the 2004 Punisher film. (Also featuring a appearance by Ron Perlman.)

Fixed.
posted by Fizz at 10:51 AM on July 17, 2012


He just wants his kids back! And Maria too, I guess.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:52 AM on July 17, 2012 [2 favorites]


I actually quite liked the feature-length Thomas Jane Punisher. Very Frankenheimer-esque.

I have to admit, though, that I was a little disappointed that this short didn't turn out to be a stealth viral marketing campaign for Arrested Development.

I thought #DIRTYLAUNDRY was great because the only way the Punisher can really work in a movie is to make him a slasher-esque monster. Because that's what he is.

Good point. If you haven't seen Dead Man's Shoes, by the way...you might like that.
posted by Sticherbeast at 10:53 AM on July 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


I read Ron Perlman as Ron Jeremy. No digg.
posted by mrgrimm at 10:55 AM on July 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


did the 2004 film follow as closely to the Garth Ennis comic as the trailer made it seem? I never managed to see it.
posted by shmegegge at 10:59 AM on July 17, 2012


did the 2004 film follow as closely to the Garth Ennis comic as the trailer made it seem? I never managed to see it.

No. I do think it's got some very funny moments and Jane's great in it, but the "plot" is just lousy. Also: it's set in Tampa. I mean, it's set in Tampa and they didn't have the Punisher renting a jetski.

(The cars exploding in the parking lot to make a fiery skull may be the ballerest Punisher move ever, though.)
posted by beaucoupkevin at 11:04 AM on July 17, 2012


I would give all of the monies to see a big screen adaptation of the Frankencastle arc.
posted by jason_steakums at 11:17 AM on July 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


clockworkjoe: "This is the best cinematic version of the Punisher ever made. Sadly, this isn't saying much."

I'm a sucker for Warzone. Especially the parkour scene.

I didn't like the Jane version (save for that ridiculous, wall-busting fight scene) but I enjoy him as an actor, and love that he's nerdy enough to do something like this. A while back there was some discussion of doing a Snake Plisskin TV series, and I thought he might be a good fit for that role.
posted by brundlefly at 11:18 AM on July 17, 2012


I must admit to liking Punisher: War Zone more than the Thomas Jane Punisher. War Zone is one of the best bad movies I've seen (right up [down?] there with Nemesis and Doom).

But, despite my shame-faced enjoyment of War Zone, Ray Stevenson's Punisher has nothing on Thomas Jane.

From what I understood, Jane found out that they were making a Punisher videogame and went to them (with no prompting) and offered to do the voice-work, for them. Now, he goes and talks Ron Perlman into doing a fan-film.

Sigh. Okay, I'll watch your stinking movie, Mr. Jane. You win.
posted by jpolchlopek at 11:18 AM on July 17, 2012 [2 favorites]


This is the best cinematic version of the Punisher ever made.

Not counting the youtube clip where ArtW creates a collage of frames from the Punisher Max books on his belly then runs to the pub topless to make them jiggle.
posted by biffa at 11:19 AM on July 17, 2012


Fans of the War Zone film: Ear Wolf's 'How did this get made' episode on the film is pretty great.
posted by juv3nal at 11:30 AM on July 17, 2012 [4 favorites]


Wow. Just wow.

This is... Wow...
posted by jkaczor at 11:40 AM on July 17, 2012


having watched it finally: this was actually pretty good. reminded me of the shorter stories that got compiled into the old black and white War Journal issues from back in the day. the little snippets of punisher-ness that were more about insight into his mindset or the in-between-the-cracks stories that weren't as much about the big "taking on the whole mafia" storylines.
posted by shmegegge at 11:53 AM on July 17, 2012


Supurb.
posted by Faintdreams at 11:56 AM on July 17, 2012


This is the best cinematic version of the Punisher ever made.

It's weird, because it's not very clear that you're talking about the Dolph Lundgren 'Punisher' when you say that. But you must be, as that is the ONLY POSSIBLE WAY that sentence makes any sense whatsoever.
posted by FatherDagon at 12:05 PM on July 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


I find Mr. Jane's ideas intriguing and wish to subscribe to his magazine.
posted by Schadenfreude at 12:18 PM on July 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


Who did the music? It sounds a lot like the music from the Dark Knight. (And I would definitely watch a feature-length Punisher film done like this. Fantastic!)
posted by Jonathan Livengood at 12:37 PM on July 17, 2012


It actually is music from Dark Night. The fact that Jack Daniels doesn't burn has also been addressed on the YouTube page... and it doesn't matter.
posted by Morvran Avagddu at 1:00 PM on July 17, 2012


Not surprised. That Jane guy is a smart and cool dude, and the right amount of bonkers to help the mix. I offer as evidence his self-directed 3D supernatural noir Dark Country, which watches and feels like something dragged out from a parallel universe. I suspect it is probably one of the few 3D movies that actually needs the trick, but I'll never know because all the fucking studios have released is a smooshed down regular version, and here we barely got in on DVD so it's perfectly criminal and quite standard for these times.
posted by Iosephus at 1:33 PM on July 17, 2012


juv3nal: "Fans of the War Zone film: Ear Wolf's 'How did this get made' episode on the film is pretty great."

I'm listening now and it is great. The director is a guest and she is awesome.
posted by brundlefly at 2:33 PM on July 17, 2012


Ugh. I guess I'm not the audience for this. Also surprised to see so much product placement (Yoohoo/Jack Daniels/one other one ...) in a fan film. Maybe that's how it got financed?

$1.50 for a Yoohoo seems like a good deal in this day/age.
posted by mrgrimm at 3:06 PM on July 17, 2012


I think it might've been directed by Phil Jouanou who directed State of Grace, one of my favourite films ever.
posted by PenDevil at 3:11 PM on July 17, 2012


Forgot to mention how much I liked the sets and colors in this. Jane also manages to do a whole lot with three locations (the street, the laundromat, and the bodega) and what appears to be a single-camera setup. That's some good guerilla-style film-making, right there.

I'd love to see a "making of" reel with the various actors, along with how much it cost and how long it took. Might be a good inspiration for budding directors.
posted by jpolchlopek at 3:12 PM on July 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


Pendevil: First post, my friend. Directed by Jane, himself.
posted by jpolchlopek at 3:13 PM on July 17, 2012


Ah, well Phil is involved with it somehow because his (newly created) twitter account is in the video description.
posted by PenDevil at 3:19 PM on July 17, 2012


jpolchlopek: I'm afraid Pendevil is correct: the film was directed by Jouanou.


posted by Morvran Avagddu at 3:22 PM on July 17, 2012


Morvran Avagddu: My head. Soaking in pickle brine :(
posted by jpolchlopek at 3:27 PM on July 17, 2012


This is definitely the closest to the Punisher tone, though I can't think of an actor who would be quite right to play Frank Castle. Mickey Rourke is the closest, but he's too non-humanoid as it is. I guess there are relatively skinny versions of The Punisher. Also, it looks like they might bring more of Frank getting more and more beat up over the course of a story. He did take a bullet in the shoulder there, right?

I want the gritty monologue though. "None of my concern. I'm just here to do the laundry. Just one more kid on one more street" until he's looking out the door, narrates, "Fuck it." and buys the Jack.

I would give all of the monies to see a big screen adaptation of the Frankencastle arc.

I would also give all the monies, and if double all the monies isn't enough, I'll sell my car. It'd have to be at least 5 movies.
posted by cmoj at 4:13 PM on July 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


The fact that Jack Daniels doesn't burn has also been addressed on the YouTube page

How about the fact that they also don't harden their bottles? A real JD bottle would have been shards after the first blow.

But yeah, it doesn't matter. Probably shouldn't be a how-to tutorial anyway.
posted by localroger at 4:21 PM on July 17, 2012


It's not only brilliant as a film short, but the fact that Thomas Jane is in a Punisher fan film - and then Ron Perlman gets added into the mix? I'm not sure what universe I've wandered into here, but I'm sticking with it.
posted by panboi at 4:33 PM on July 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


How about the fact that they also don't harden their bottles? A real JD bottle would have been shards after the first blow.

Hmm I dunno. Hardened or not a fluid-filled glass bottle is pretty tough, especially when only hitting puny head-meat. Mythbusters dealt with beer bottles and found that they don't break easily against a human skull, and I'd bet a heavy-bottomed Jack bottle is even tougher. I was actually thinking that it was cool that they dealt with the old booze-bottle-in-a-fight thing realistically. "Realistically," I mean.

So, clearly, the only way for us to find out the truth is for me to go get a bottle of Jack, drink it, and ramble about the Punisher on Metafilter. It's a replicable experiment and everything.
posted by cmoj at 4:49 PM on July 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


"How about the fact that they also don't harden their bottles? A real JD bottle would have been shards after the first blow."

Would it?

It's a Hollywood trope that bottles in fights break much more easily than they really do and this goes double when it's against something like a face/skull which is much less hard than people think it is. I feel sure that a full bottle of Jack is most likely to break somewhere above what we usually see in movies and somewhere below the hardest hits in this video.

I was impressed at first that the bottle didn't break, which is IMO more realistic than the usual instabreak. Granted, that first hit was really hard. I was pleased more because it went against the trope than because I was sure that in this particular example the bottle wouldn't have broken. But then as the fight continued, I became less pleased because surely the bottle would have broken at some point — I'm sure it was weakened and after all those hits, one of them was bound to cause a catastrophic failure.

But, anyway, in general, beer bottles and whiskey bottles and such are much harder to break than movies and TV lead us to believe, skulls are softer, and hitting someone with a whiskey bottle is more likely to put a fatal dent in someone's head than it is to shatter and merely stun them. Bottles are also much more likely, when they do break, to break in one's hand and cut the shit out of you, as well.

And while I'm at it, unless you are lucky and hit the heart or a crucial part of the brain, shooting someone not only won't knock them down, it won't even slow them down, either — a large number of people who are shot don't even don't even become aware they've been shot for anywhere from thirty seconds to several minutes.

I watched Drive again last night and once again I found the face-crushing scene interesting for several reasons. In this context, I think it's interesting because I suspect a large portion of the audience finds it somewhat implausible — but it's really not, assuming that he's got sturdy boots. Hollywood convention has taught people deeply misleading things about violence — even when, especially when, it seems to be more realistic.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 4:51 PM on July 17, 2012 [2 favorites]


The strongest part of a liquor bottle is the corner where the sides meet the bottom. Many people have been bludgeoned to death or into a coma by having their heads bashed in a bottle that did not break.

Bonus: After rinsing off the grue from the bottle, there's very little DNA evidence that can be used.
posted by Renoroc at 4:54 PM on July 17, 2012


Okay ....awkward.
posted by The Whelk at 5:02 PM on July 17, 2012 [4 favorites]


"Bonus: After rinsing off the grue from the bottle, there's very little DNA evidence that can be used."

Good to know. MetaFilter's such a great resource!
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 5:13 PM on July 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


Well, that sure was uncomfortable. Not because of the gore, but because the noble white Punisher straight up murdered a bunch of minority gang-members (whom in this world apparently run around in the middle of the day committing rapes and murdering children, because that is how gang survival works) after getting the go-ahead from an elderly white patriarch who told him about the problem with the Savages.
posted by Shadax at 5:36 PM on July 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


Batman with no money.
posted by banshee at 6:00 PM on July 17, 2012


Yeah, the racial politics of this were... interesting. But, I liked it, and I think that any good Punisher movie has to be way, way dark. He's essentially Dexter with guns; he's not a hero but a psychopath, out not for justice or morality but punishment, and he only values his own judgement.

Also, announcing that it's a Punisher film in the title is something of a spoiler, as it isn't until the end that you get the reveal of the shirt.
posted by Saxon Kane at 6:06 PM on July 17, 2012


1. The battle van should not have curtains.
2. Black people...what ya gonna do?
3. Jack don't burn at all, but for sure not like gas.
4. Prequel.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:18 PM on July 17, 2012


I liked it, but the sequel should have him bringing a bottle of Jack into Goldman Sachs. I don't think roving trucks of post apocalyptic urban viking gangs are really at the top of our threat list nowadays. Go after the big guys.
posted by Telf at 6:31 PM on July 17, 2012


I thought #DIRTYLAUNDRY was great because the only way the Punisher can really work in a movie is to make him a slasher-esque monster. Because that's what he is.

[...]

Good point. If you haven't seen Dead Man's Shoes, by the way...you might like that.

I strongly second that recommendation. I hadn't seen any moves starring Paddy Considine before watching Dead Man's Shoes and that was all it took to sell me on his acting skill.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 6:34 PM on July 17, 2012


Fastest laundry machine ever.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 6:43 PM on July 17, 2012


Also, since someone else hasn't linked to it as far as I've seen, here's the spiritual prequel, which is one of the funniest things ever filmed until you realize that a significant percentage of Americans feel that this is the way things are supposed to be
posted by Shadax at 6:49 PM on July 17, 2012


The big problem with Jack Daniel's bottles is that they are square. This makes them a lot weaker than round bottles. (I have done numerican analysis on this. It was for potentially tornado proof houses not bottle fights, but trust me on it.) There are other liquors that would be boht in stronger bottles and actually flammable, but none of them would go up with yellow flames as in the vid, they'd go up with soft blue flames.

But it doesn't matter. Great fucking video. Not a HOWTO. Want the sequel. Also, if the people responsible for this are at all interested in The Metamorphosis of Prime Intellect, email's in the profile.
posted by localroger at 7:22 PM on July 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


^numerical analysis. I am a Numerican.
posted by localroger at 7:22 PM on July 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


That was pretty awesome.
posted by ph00dz at 7:44 PM on July 17, 2012


Metafilter: numerical analysis. I am a Numerican.
posted by cmoj at 7:55 PM on July 17, 2012


Hey, I think we need more Numericans.

*ducks*
posted by localroger at 7:57 PM on July 17, 2012


A real JD bottle would have been shards after the first blow. - depends on how you hit someone's skull and where on the skull you strike. The corners of the square Jack Daniel's bottle - I've only engaged in melee with the weird not-quite-1L version that's sold in Iowa - can be quite deadly and risk nothing to the integrity of the bottle.
posted by porpoise at 11:23 PM on July 17, 2012


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