Cat Bank is Watching You be Fiscally Responsible.
August 4, 2012 6:05 AM   Subscribe

While toy cat-banks are a cute novelty, real life cat banks are way more awesome.
posted by quin (43 comments total) 31 users marked this as a favorite

 
Catbank.

(Also, Catbank faces the tough times.)
posted by maryr at 6:29 AM on August 4, 2012 [5 favorites]


Considering the pointy-bits, Cat-Bank is possibly more secure than a brick&mortar bank, too!
posted by easily confused at 6:30 AM on August 4, 2012 [4 favorites]


sometimes I wonder if there were cats before internet.
posted by indubitable at 6:32 AM on August 4, 2012 [8 favorites]


From a related video: this dog is maybe a bit too excited about that coin.
posted by idiopath at 6:34 AM on August 4, 2012


sometimes I wonder if there were cats before internet.

It seems improbable, doesn't it?
posted by Kitteh at 6:38 AM on August 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Kitibank.
posted by leviathan3k at 6:38 AM on August 4, 2012 [19 favorites]


This is delightful. But I'll admit I was hoping for a place where you deposit cats and then later get to take home even more cats.
posted by Egg Shen at 6:50 AM on August 4, 2012 [7 favorites]


Cat checking accounts sadly almost never bear interest these days. You'd need to keep your cats in a cat savings account, and you couldn't just withdraw them whenever you want, and you'd not even get a very good return.

What's more few banks will even let you visit your cats.
posted by JHarris at 7:02 AM on August 4, 2012 [4 favorites]


That's sooooo weird.

That cat is right-handed. Northpaws are so creepy.
posted by bonehead at 7:04 AM on August 4, 2012


It's all fun and games until she tries to take her money OUT of the cat bank.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 7:25 AM on August 4, 2012 [7 favorites]


I tried this with my kitties but they kept tacking on fees. 3 Greenies each time I use my debit card? That's outrageous.
posted by subbes at 7:34 AM on August 4, 2012 [15 favorites]


sometimes I wonder if there were cats before internet.
Cats have always had an internet. We're just now discovering it.
posted by billyfleetwood at 8:03 AM on August 4, 2012 [5 favorites]


What's more few banks will even let you visit your cats.

What's worse is that so many of the catbanks got involved in dubious cat-investment schemes, with cats of dubious character being bundled together in larger and larger aggregates. Naturally, when no one wanted a huge mass of surly non-litter-trained cats with poor grammar, the entire market collapsed. To further compound the mess, these catbanks were dubbed "Too Cute to Fail," and millions of Federally-backed kittens were handed out to shore them up, resulting in a horrific level of cat-foreclosure and bonuses for the catbank executives amounting to tens of millions of lives.

WAKE UP CATIZENS!
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:34 AM on August 4, 2012 [11 favorites]


I was hoping for a place where you deposit cats and then later get to take home even more cats.

I'd like to see something like this that works for money.
posted by onya at 8:37 AM on August 4, 2012 [7 favorites]


Please don't do this. Coin counting machines being clogged with errant cats is a major issue for banks.
posted by orme at 8:51 AM on August 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


Cat checking accounts sadly almost never bear interest these days.

I've found that making a little scritching sound where they can't see my fingers bears cats' interest.
posted by DU at 8:57 AM on August 4, 2012 [8 favorites]


Do the Japanese have some special formulation for their boxes that drives cat behavior to such excessively cute extremes?
Corrugation ≠ causation, I know.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 9:09 AM on August 4, 2012 [17 favorites]


Okay, whatever! I spent TWO GODDAM HOURS
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 9:18 AM on August 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Egg Shen: "This is delightful. But I'll admit I was hoping for a place where you deposit cats and then later get to take home even more cats."

The fractions caused quite a mess.
posted by Splunge at 9:34 AM on August 4, 2012 [4 favorites]


> Coin counting machines being clogged with errant cats is a major issue for banks.

But the ATM said "feed me a stray cat"...
posted by Monochrome at 9:40 AM on August 4, 2012 [4 favorites]


Goddammit, I wish I'd saved my "This is one of the strangest sites I've seen in some time..." crack from yesterday's Mom Jeans thread for this post.

I can't go to that well twice in less than 24 hours, so someone else will have to do the honors.
posted by hincandenza at 9:57 AM on August 4, 2012


omg those toy cat banks are on amazon!
posted by royalsong at 10:04 AM on August 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


I have no idea how these people got their coines wedged into their cats, or why.
posted by Splunge at 11:24 AM on August 4, 2012


Coins. even.
posted by Splunge at 11:24 AM on August 4, 2012


OH HAI! U CAN'T TAKE MAH MONIEZ!
posted by jonp72 at 1:10 PM on August 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Cat bank is watching you invest in your future.
posted by carsonb at 1:24 PM on August 4, 2012


Oh shit that joke was just too obvious.
posted by carsonb at 1:25 PM on August 4, 2012


Cat vs Cat Bank
posted by reynaert at 1:25 PM on August 4, 2012 [8 favorites]


To further compound the mess, these catbanks were dubbed "Too Cute to Fail," and millions of Federally-backed kittens were handed out to shore them up...

Sounds like a pawnzi scheme to me.
posted by Graygorey at 2:15 PM on August 4, 2012 [7 favorites]


> I was hoping for a place where you deposit cats and then later get to take home even more cats.

We call that "outdoors" and it's why we keep ours neutered and inside.
posted by seanmpuckett at 2:24 PM on August 4, 2012 [7 favorites]


The worst is when they end up coughing up coinballs.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:21 PM on August 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


This is delightful. But I'll admit I was hoping for a place where you deposit cats and then later get to take home even more cats.

This is called outside.
posted by cmoj at 4:38 PM on August 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'll admit I was hoping for a place where you deposit cats and then later get to take home even more cats.

Even better! There is an entirely above-board scheme hamburger by whence you can trade gold for cats! "Lose the treasure, get the cheshire!"
posted by fraula at 6:12 PM on August 4, 2012


Romney: Cats in banks? Catastrophe.
Obama: Cats in banks are cataloged as fine feline fail-safes. Categorically clean. Purrfect for purrposes of keeping your kitty carefully kept.
Ron Paul: Cats! Cats! Get them off of me!
posted by Splunge at 7:53 PM on August 4, 2012 [4 favorites]


The last time I entrusted my finances to a cat I ended up with a worthless Masters of Cat Work and a broken cat family. If you play the cards right you can make cat investments work, but you need to know that you, as a person, can keep your shit together; when that first check clears, you're going to be covered in cats, and there will be a little voice in the back of your head saying "30 grand for 2 hours petting? There's gotta be something wrong here" and let me tell you, buddy, listen to that voice, get out, if you have to ask yourself the question "are cat matters destroying me" then it's time to take a walk and maybe encourage the cats to get off of your face and arms so you can think, and then to run and never stop because they will invariably follow.
posted by passerby at 9:50 PM on August 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'll admit I was hoping for a place where you deposit cats and then later get to take home even more cats.


How about a hotel where you get a cat for your room?

The Anderson House hotel. (Unfortunately, they just went out of business a few years ago).
posted by This_Will_Be_Good at 10:03 PM on August 4, 2012


Went out of business because the patrons took the soap, towels, and cats, no doubt.
posted by BlueHorse at 10:04 PM on August 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Cats! Cats! Get them off of me!

Years ago I used to sleep on a friends couch. They had (I think) eleven cats of which six were kittens. The kittens would climb up the sheet I was using and then crawl all over me, this of course made it nearly impossible to sleep. Eventually I flail around and the kitten would shoot off the couch and onto the floor and the cycle of climbing a crawling cats would repeat. Eventually they'd get tired and we would all doze off.
posted by Confess, Fletch at 10:26 PM on August 4, 2012


Fletch, I have four cats and have woken up to three of them sleeping on me. One of them weighs 20 pounds. I have no idea how I sleep through it, but I do.
posted by deborah at 11:36 PM on August 4, 2012


Funny thing. I went out to get some cigarettes earlier this evening (1AM or so, don't judge me) and there was this cute tabby cat lying on a piece of cardboard up the block. I reached down to pet it and got the hiss and the bottle tail. And it ran off. So I kept walking. Then I hear the sound that many of us know. A couple of cats doing the nasty. As I stood there for a second a group of three cats ran from a house on my left into the street towards the sounds. Then another cat, a black and white little fellow came up to me and rubbed against my leg.

I just stood there, cats to the left of me. Cats to the right. So I reached down to stroke the guy rubbing against my leg. Hisssss! And run.

Now I know that there's obviously something wrong with me. Because the cats are afraid of me. I look up and it looks very much like a full moon here.

Anyway I walk up the block, make a left and there are two more cats. I just walk by them, all nonchalant. But I know that they know that there's something wrong with me.

Eventually I get to the one store that's open all night. Outside is this guy sipping a tall can of Olde English. Sitting on a plastic milk crate. He looks at me. He says, "What's the thing with all the damn cats? Always cats tonight. So many fucking cats. Vermin. Cats are vermin. Too many cats."

I just stood there for a second. Really. Speechless. My first thought was, "Do the cats hear him? Am I okay here?"

So I just walk past him. I go to the ATM in the back of the store. There is a cat eating some kind of tuna or something off of a sheet of butcher's paper on the floor. Right in front of the ATM.

It looks at me I look at the cat.

And I lean way over to put my card in the machine. I don't ant to annoy the cat. I punch my PIN into the machine. I get the cash that chuffs out.

I carefully lean back.

I get a couple of bags of Cheez Doodle O's!

The owner says," Do you like cats? I have kittens downstairs, you want one."

I say, "No thanks, but I'll take a pack of those."

He gives me the cigs. Rings up the purchase. I thank him. He smiles and says good night.

And I try to act normal. I smile and leave the store. But I notice cats. Cats everywhere.

All looking at me. Staring with those cat faces and those cat eyes. And they know. THEY KNOW. I'm not a cat person.

But, they say to me, BUT... You could be a cat person...

When I get home I'm really quiet. I mean super quiet. Don't want to wake the wife...

And my mom's dog. My mother's little rat dustmop dog... Starts barking. Rooroor roor oroorooorooo.

And I have never loved a dog so much in my life.
posted by Splunge at 12:39 AM on August 5, 2012 [3 favorites]


joiiiiiin uuuuuus....
posted by JHarris at 5:53 AM on August 5, 2012


I've been doing fairly well trading in cat futures, actually.

The December and May contracts are quite volatile, something about increased lolcat demand from procrastinating college students.
posted by Hollywood Upstairs Medical College at 7:49 AM on August 5, 2012


I just have to say.. I've just gotten back from a weekend more-or-less without internet and this is the first thing I've read while sitting down to my dinner. And I am delighted by what y'all have done with the place.

Metafilter.com is one of the best sites I've seen in some time. I have no idea how you people got these cats wedged into your hearts, but why not?
posted by maryr at 6:13 PM on August 5, 2012


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