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August 6, 2012 10:53 PM   Subscribe

Duffel Blog is the military version of The Onion. They recently scooped the Army's decision to replace their beloved bayonet with an Inverted Multi-Purpose Ballistic Tomahawk Bayonet, a versatile but sturdy weapon mounted on rifles. It was picked up by some, who spread the news.
posted by Brian B. (28 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite

 
Hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrf
posted by Zot at 11:14 PM on August 6, 2012


Air Force MQ-9 Reaper Diagnosed With PTSD, Refuses To Fly

I'm sure there is a wedding party somewhere in that is truly thankful.
posted by mattoxic at 11:20 PM on August 6, 2012 [6 favorites]


Vietnam Veterans Outraged Over Navy Christening Of USS Jane Fonda
...Vietnamese Minister of Defense Phung Quang Thanh was overheard commenting how his country would, “love ship long time.”
posted by XMLicious at 11:26 PM on August 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


African-American Skipper Makes History, Takes Command of USS Nathan Bedford Forrest.

This made me giggle.
posted by Grimgrin at 11:30 PM on August 6, 2012 [9 favorites]


Marines To Deploy On Revolutionary New Aqua-FOBs

Ouch. Someone has been paying attention...
posted by the man of twists and turns at 11:37 PM on August 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Brian B.: "Duffel Blog is the military version of The Onion."

Except only mildly amusing at best.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 12:15 AM on August 7, 2012 [3 favorites]


Well I think it's pretty funny.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 12:18 AM on August 7, 2012 [2 favorites]


The Sikh Temple Mass Shooter story falls well, well short of the kind of dark humour that the Onion gets so right around tragedies like that.
posted by Mezentian at 12:53 AM on August 7, 2012 [2 favorites]


Well, I think that Michele Bachmann Thankful No Americans Died In Sikh Shooting is more on the money.

And I have no idea what the original joke in the IMBTB story is.
posted by Mezentian at 12:57 AM on August 7, 2012 [5 favorites]


funniern shit, is what I think. USS Fonda. Heh.

Okay, military humor.

I also like the bylines at the bottom of the articles.
posted by mule98J at 1:26 AM on August 7, 2012


Ms. Fonda made a statement prior to the launch, “I dedicate this ship to the brave men who fought and died in Vietnam, especially those in the 66th Viet Cong Regiment.”
posted by zippy at 1:35 AM on August 7, 2012


God, I read that this morning on Gizmodo and I was just sitting there thinking: "this is clearly not real... you wouldn't *launch* a tomahawk at someone, thus arming them if you missed" amongst other things that didn't pass the sniff test. But I don't expect a lot from Herr Diaz.
posted by disillusioned at 2:26 AM on August 7, 2012


ISAF Drops Candy To Afghan Children, Kills 51

Pentagon Proposes Controversial Policy Assigning Ranks To Military Spouses

Marine Officer’s Wife Emotionally Disturbed After Being Denied Salute
posted by autoclavicle at 2:37 AM on August 7, 2012


Introduced me to the term "dependapotamus"
posted by XMLicious at 2:50 AM on August 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


And I have no idea what the original joke in the IMBTB story is.

I think it refers to the trend towards increasingly bulky and macho attachments to assault rifles. A trend carried even further in videogames. The clue is here:

"This is truly a cross-service technology. Following the general trend of mounting stuff under the barrel of M16s, we have attempted to create something truly versatile,” said General Manning. “Our researchers felt we had reached the limits of physics and reason with under-the-barrel mounting technology. We had to look for less obvious attachment positions. This is the culmination of those efforts.”

And yes, jokes are a lot less funny when you have to explain them...
posted by Skeptic at 3:36 AM on August 7, 2012


Some of the comments to the "Citing OPSEC Fears, DoD Bans Tapout Clothing for All Military Personnel" have a nice Adequacy.org somebody's-not-in-on-the-joke flavor to them.

Ah, Facebook, helping us troll the whole Internet all at once.
posted by Kadin2048 at 4:38 AM on August 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


I quite like the "Never Bring a Mustache to a Beard Fight" t-shirt they are selling.
posted by Rock Steady at 5:44 AM on August 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


"And yes, jokes are a lot less funny when you have to explain them..."

I kind of doubt they have to be explained to the target audience, though. The site reads much like the "real" service-oriented publications, like NavyTimes, etc. Frankly, I find this site a real hoot. I wish them much success. I'll be sending the link to my nephew, currently patrolling the southern oceans on a Navy attack carrier.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:51 AM on August 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Jane Fonda will form part of the newly-activated Eighth Fleet, built around the aircraft carrier Hillary Rodham Clinton (CVN-80), and destroyers Family Guy, Lady Gaga, and Trayvon Martin.
posted by panboi at 6:13 AM on August 7, 2012


The jerrycan on the IMBTB was a nice touch.
posted by cog_nate at 6:13 AM on August 7, 2012


It's "you had to be there" funny. Better than average in the space but not really something that would appeal to the reader who is not in the craft.
posted by jsavimbi at 8:03 AM on August 7, 2012


Hah, that Army Ranger with the mighty beard just turns up everywhere, doesn't he?

I don't know why I find that so funny, but I do.
posted by Scientist at 8:41 AM on August 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


The whole beard thing is a bit lost (or not) on a Spanish audience. The Spanish Legion has been sporting mighty facial hair since its inception...
posted by Skeptic at 8:57 AM on August 7, 2012


God, I read that this morning on Gizmodo and I was just sitting there thinking: "this is clearly not real... you wouldn't *launch* a tomahawk at someone, thus arming them if you missed"

The joke is that the tomahawk is fixed, like a bayonet. It doesn't launch.
posted by dubold at 9:51 AM on August 7, 2012


Since we're posting favorites:

Oh General Mattis. You so crazy.
posted by Seeba at 11:48 AM on August 7, 2012


That Mattis one was amazing, but I second you definitely need to be aware of military stuff in order to get the humor. Mattis is well known as the biggest badass in the military.
posted by corb at 8:32 PM on August 7, 2012


This man actually won a Victoria Cross for being able to rock a beard or a moustache.

Genuine military hero, yessir.
posted by Catch at 11:57 PM on August 7, 2012


In Stunning 5-4 Decision, Supreme Court Declares Air Force Unconstitutional
posted by the man of twists and turns at 4:09 AM on August 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


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