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Joss And Marvel Sitting In A Tree...
August 8, 2012 7:09 AM   Subscribe

Joss Whedon signs three year deal with Marvel Studios. He will be writing and directing Avengers 2, developing a live-action Marvel TV show for ABC, and basically be the showrunner for the Marvel Cinematic Universe until 2015.
posted by kmz (369 comments total) 32 users marked this as a favorite

 
Please tell me this leads to a Blade/Buffy crossover movie.
posted by inturnaround at 7:10 AM on August 8, 2012 [11 favorites]


Holy shit they're making a Winter Soldier movie? I am having the exact opposite reaction to that as I did when I found out they're making a Hawkeye movie.

Seriously, who demanded a Hawkeye movie?
posted by griphus at 7:11 AM on August 8, 2012


Avengers: Reassemble!

Hopefully he'll have a hand in a Hulk. That seriously needs to be done correctly already.
posted by tilde at 7:12 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Seriously, who demanded a Hawkeye movie?

I cannot speak for a Hakweye movie, but I certainly encountered people who felt Jeremy Renner's arms needed a spotlight of their own.
posted by running order squabble fest at 7:14 AM on August 8, 2012 [14 favorites]


Avengers was only Whedon's second best film this year after Cabin in the Woods.
posted by fairmettle at 7:15 AM on August 8, 2012 [22 favorites]


live-action Marvel TV show for ABC

HEROES FOR HIRE PLZ THNX
posted by fight or flight at 7:15 AM on August 8, 2012 [10 favorites]


Daredevil/Fantastic Four Rights Fight
posted by Artw at 7:16 AM on August 8, 2012




yes hello I would please like a Damage Control TV series, who do I talk to about getting that going
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 7:19 AM on August 8, 2012 [8 favorites]


Meanwhile DC's sat wondering how to do a movie that isn't Batman.
posted by Artw at 7:20 AM on August 8, 2012 [15 favorites]


Avengers wasn't bad at all - the scene with Hulk and Loki is one of the most satisfying movie scenes in a long time - but what's left to do? You have a bunch of god-like people fighting other god-like people and aliens, how can you possibly take that to the next level?
posted by Foci for Analysis at 7:20 AM on August 8, 2012


Seriously, who demanded a Hawkeye movie?

If I had to bet on anyone, it would be Noelle Stevenson.

I certainly encountered people who felt Jeremy Renner's arms needed a spotlight of their own.

Using Noelle as an example again: I'm not sure it's just his arms.
posted by zombieflanders at 7:21 AM on August 8, 2012 [5 favorites]


HEROES FOR HIRE PLZ THNX

Oh, man, if they use the Immortal Iron Fist mythos for that I would so watch it.
posted by griphus at 7:22 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


This is awesome.

Whedon on ABC, particularly. So glad he'll be free of Fox.
posted by anotherpanacea at 7:22 AM on August 8, 2012 [7 favorites]


Meanwhile DC's sat wondering how to do a movie that isn't Batman.

Yeah, it's a shame there wasn't a way DC could have jumped in on all this Joss Whedon action.
posted by fight or flight at 7:23 AM on August 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


You have a bunch of god-like people fighting other god-like people and aliens, how can you possibly take that to the next level?

X-Men crossover...

Wait, it's Whedon, FOX would cancel it.
posted by Artw at 7:23 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Hopefully he'll have a hand in a Hulk. That seriously needs to be done correctly already.

he gets mad, he turns green, he breaks shit. Not exactly the most nuanced character out there. It's a bit hard to hang a movie on that premise.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:23 AM on August 8, 2012 [6 favorites]


Imagine a TV show made out of Peter Milligan's run on X-Force. JUST IMAGINE IT.
posted by Sticherbeast at 7:24 AM on August 8, 2012 [5 favorites]


Also, is there any confirmation that the X-Men trilogy, First Class, and Avengers are a shared universe? Also, Punisher and Spider-Man?
posted by griphus at 7:24 AM on August 8, 2012


"So in this episode, the live-action Marvel heroes get trapped in a virtual reality machine that takes them to a wonderful galaxy of exploration and adventure, where they are forced to live out their virtual-lives as a loveable crew of misfits in an old smuggling ship... yeah, I think it'll be a 25, maybe 26 part episode."

Do it. No one would blame you.
posted by kithrater at 7:25 AM on August 8, 2012 [47 favorites]


he gets mad, he turns green, he breaks shit. Not exactly the most nuanced character out there.

You need a Hulk education.
Sometimes he's grey.
And, well, I suspect rainbow Hulk isn't far away.
posted by Mezentian at 7:25 AM on August 8, 2012


Can we have a decent Fantastic Four movie, please?
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:25 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Seriously, who demanded a Hawkeye movie?

There should be a Hawkeye/Black Widow movies, titled Budapest.

A second Thor movie? No thanks, he's an idiot.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:25 AM on August 8, 2012 [7 favorites]


Allow me to say:
JOSH WELDON IS MY MASTER NOW.

*yay*
posted by Mezentian at 7:26 AM on August 8, 2012


It's a bit hard to hang a movie on that premise.

Well, if there's one director who can do it, it's the guy responsible for heartwrenching character dramas like Brokeback Mountain and The Ice Storm along with an adaptation of Sense and Sensibility.
posted by griphus at 7:26 AM on August 8, 2012 [7 favorites]


Avengers was a huge success (as a film and as a product) but this seems like a bold and ill considered commitment from Marvel, considering that Whedon's output is wildly inconsistent, both in quality and in audience appeal.
posted by damehex at 7:27 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


he gets mad, he turns green, he breaks shit. Not exactly the most nuanced character out there. It's a bit hard to hang a movie on that premise.

Oh, I totally disagree. Hulk is build around the idea of managing your id, your anger, your dark side. It's about living with the knowledge that your dark side is one of the most powerful, unstoppable, destructive things that exists. This is the sort of premise that I think Wheedon would handle really, really well.
posted by gauche at 7:27 AM on August 8, 2012 [18 favorites]


Whedon's output is wildly inconsistent,

Um.....
Only with network help.

Even Dollhouse was amazing.
And, fuck, whoever cast Dollhouse, needs an Emmy. Stat.
posted by Mezentian at 7:28 AM on August 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


Also, is there any confirmation that the X-Men trilogy, First Class, and Avengers are a shared universe?

I'm pretty sure that the rights battle between FOX and Marvel means we'll never see so much as a hint of a shared universe. I mean, Marvel weren't allowed to use the Skrulls in Avengers because FOX owns the rights, hence the Chitauri. Iirc, Marvel aren't even supposed to use the word "mutant" in any of their movies because of FOX's X-Men franchise.
posted by fight or flight at 7:29 AM on August 8, 2012


And, fuck, whoever cast Dollhouse, needs an Emmy. Stat.

Which they should promptly be beaten over the head with, due to the Dushku Factor.
posted by Amanojaku at 7:30 AM on August 8, 2012 [19 favorites]


Hulk needs a long-form teevee series to explore the self-loathing core of the character, preferably one where he doesn't even turn into the Hulk in most episodes, and when he does, the audience hates him for it.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:31 AM on August 8, 2012 [26 favorites]


Hopefully he'll have a hand in a Hulk. That seriously needs to be done correctly already.

The correct way to do anything involves not putting your hand in a Hulk. That is a way to get your hand crushed, if you are lucky.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:32 AM on August 8, 2012 [8 favorites]


Can we have a decent Fantastic Four movie, please?

Pixar already made one.
posted by KHAAAN! at 7:32 AM on August 8, 2012 [34 favorites]


Yes, that's exactly right. What's interesting about the Hulk is not the Hulk. It's Bruce Banner.
posted by gauche at 7:33 AM on August 8, 2012 [9 favorites]




The guy who made Chronicle is scripting a Fantastic Four movie right now. I have mixed feelings on this.
posted by Artw at 7:34 AM on August 8, 2012


(How do I get a job giving people ideas for teevee shows?)
posted by shakespeherian at 7:35 AM on August 8, 2012


Yes, that's exactly right. What's interesting about the Hulk is not the Hulk. It's Bruce Banner.

HULK IS STRONGEST CHARACTER THERE IS. HULK SMASH PUNY BANNER!
posted by Artw at 7:36 AM on August 8, 2012 [6 favorites]


A good FF4 movie would be awesome. Perhaps based on Fantastic Four 1 2 3 4 or Unstable Molecules, but I might as well wish for the moon.
posted by griphus at 7:36 AM on August 8, 2012


The FF movie was originally going to be a retro-futuristic romp directed by Peyton Reed, of Bring It On and Down With Love fame. That would have been awesome.
posted by Sticherbeast at 7:37 AM on August 8, 2012


Mezentian: "Even Dollhouse was amazing.
And, fuck, whoever cast Dollhouse, needs an Emmy. Stat.
"

It's a bloody crime that Enver Gjokaj has not been put in a role of any significance since Dollhouse.

He got a quick cameo in the Avengers, but the guy needs a leading role stat.

Dushku...could have been better, but I think she did well enough with the part that she was given. Tahmoh Penikett was a much greater disappointment, IMO. None of this really matters, given that the rest of the cast (especially Enver Gjokaj, Olivia Williams, Fran Kranz, and Dichan Lachman) were all phenomenal.

The show has aged remarkably well, and you should watch it if you like Whedon's other stuff. It's especially remarkable, given that it's got a well-paced arc with a distinct beginning, middle, and end.
posted by schmod at 7:37 AM on August 8, 2012 [5 favorites]


So, can we expect Captain Hammer to be joining The Avengers in the next installment?
posted by schmod at 7:38 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


Which they should promptly be beaten over the head with, due to the Dushku Factor.

Oh, she's not that awful.
She was a brilliant Faith, and if the BBC did RIPPER she could be Faith again.

oh, I just want RIPPER! Is that so bad?
Why, Joss? Why BBC?

Why must you tease me?
posted by Mezentian at 7:38 AM on August 8, 2012 [5 favorites]


A second Thor movie? No thanks, he's an idiot.

You know what? My girlfriend and I loved Thor in The Avengers, so we checked out Thor's own movie, and we actually really liked it. I thought it was a lot of fun, and I dig Thor's aw-shucks demeanor. He's self-aware without being ironic.
posted by Sticherbeast at 7:39 AM on August 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


A good Fantastic Four movie ought to be done as a 1960's period-piece. The FF are so freaking square, and they're essentially designed to be a 1950's nuclear family parody/homage anyway, why not capitalize on it?

Plus, hey, Mad Men crossover potential.
posted by Myca at 7:39 AM on August 8, 2012 [7 favorites]


I want this show.
posted by 1970s Antihero at 7:39 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


Dichan Lachman did essentially the same role so much better by giving the different personalities different personalities.
posted by Artw at 7:41 AM on August 8, 2012 [7 favorites]


I would LOVE an attorney-centric She-Hulk movie. Oh ye gods, that would be ever so great. To be honest, though, it would probably work best as an arc in a Marvel TV show. Especially if maybe the entire season arc was structured a bit like the Trial of a Time Lord arc from Doctor Who, except done not-crappily.
posted by Sticherbeast at 7:43 AM on August 8, 2012 [6 favorites]


Even Dollhouse was amazing.
And, fuck, whoever cast Dollhouse, needs an Emmy. Stat.


HAHAHA!

Oh, wait. I think you might be serious. The writing and acting on Dollhouse was laughably bad. Like 80's action show bad. Dushku should be paid money to stop acting. Less than Uwe Boll makes for not directing, but still.
posted by papercake at 7:44 AM on August 8, 2012 [5 favorites]


I mean, Marvel weren't allowed to use the Skrulls in Avengers...

That is a fucking crime right there.
posted by marxchivist at 7:45 AM on August 8, 2012


Runaways show please.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:46 AM on August 8, 2012 [10 favorites]


I don't want another Thor movie, particularly. What I want is a LOKI movie, damn it! Out of all these Marvel Comics movies that have been made the past few years, he is the most engaging character, to me. Give him his own movie! Please?
posted by KHAAAN! at 7:47 AM on August 8, 2012 [10 favorites]


I would LOVE an attorney-centric She-Hulk movie.

Law and Order: 616 would be such an awesome show. Madrox lines 'em up, She-Hulk knocks 'em down.
posted by griphus at 7:47 AM on August 8, 2012 [9 favorites]


Also, is there any confirmation that the X-Men trilogy, First Class, and Avengers are a shared universe?

Apart from Stan Lee cameos? Certainly there's a direct connection between the Singer movies and First Class, because in the latter's "finding the mutants" sequence, they run into Logan. There was also supposed to be an Oscorp building (from Spider-Man) in the skyline during Avengers, but it didn't make it in due to time constraints. But I don't recall any connections between any of the X-Men films and Avengers.
posted by zombieflanders at 7:48 AM on August 8, 2012


That way, he can stop stealing everybody else's...
posted by KHAAAN! at 7:48 AM on August 8, 2012


Dollhouse was problematic, in many ways.
But there were some amazing episodes in there, and some of the acting was awesome.
If you missed that, especially some of Gopher's scenes.
But, also : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yn2wxdwFDSw

Dollhouse did suck, but the big picture, where they were going, and what they hinted at, and how they showed where they were going, was brilliant.

It wasn't a well considered series, but it had good ideas.

Plus: Wash!
posted by Mezentian at 7:52 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


he gets mad, he turns green, he breaks shit. Not exactly the most nuanced character out there. It's a bit hard to hang a movie on that premise.

Yeah, that's why the Jeykll/Hyde concept is so bereft and abandoned. There's nothing you can do with a character who hates and fears his other self, which he has brought into being through tragic error and conflicted desire.

Oh wait.

Anyway, you realize that any superhero character can be reduced to this kind of non-synopsis, right? He changes clothes, he punches stuff. What's the point of characters in fiction, for that matter? They say shit, they do shit. Not much you can do with that.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 7:55 AM on August 8, 2012 [10 favorites]


[B]ut what's left to do? You have a bunch of god-like people fighting other god-like people and aliens, how can you possibly take that to the next level?

If it was up to Joss, you would take away their god-like powers, kill them tragically, and tell the audience to deal.

I don't really follow the comic book world -- is there any chance Marvel would let him do that?
posted by jhc at 7:56 AM on August 8, 2012


Dichan Lachman did essentially the same role so much better by giving the different personalities different personalities.

But ... you know, Echo was being Echo the whole time. Jeez, it's like you weren't even paying attention. </fanwank>

I think a strong subtext of Dollhouse is that it's an exploration of the production of episodic live-action television. Every week, the customer demands that one of the "actives" puts on a show, and the "director" casts and stages the show. At the end of the "show" everything, including the "active" are re-set to something like the status quo. They don't learn, they don't grow, they don't change. When the "actives" aren't putting on a show, they spend their time in a peaceful, spa-like environment where their every physical need is catered to but they are spiritually vacant.

You would have to change very few words in that description to make it about television itself. I think that a lot of the show came out of Wheedon's own anxieties about working in television.

Therefore I think it is very interesting and not necessarily inappropriate that he cast Eliza Dushku to play Echo, a character whose innate personality keeps bleeding through her roles. I think that the show has "metafiction" written all over it, casting included.
posted by gauche at 7:56 AM on August 8, 2012 [12 favorites]


Plus Charlie Kaufman should make a Deadpool movie.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:56 AM on August 8, 2012 [7 favorites]


GIVE ME LIVE-ACTION ALIAS OR THE BUNNY GETS IT

but seriously this makes me so, so happy as a Marvel & Joss fangirl, even if I have to steel myself to NOT fall in love with any charming secondary characters because they will ALL DIE.

I cannot speak for a Hakweye movie, but I certainly encountered people who felt Jeremy Renner's arms needed a spotlight of their own.

I concur with your report. Such is definitely the reason I will be watching from the front row opening night at Bourne Legacy as Not!Hawkeye punches people and makes soulful eyes. And then requesting All The Crossover Things at the AvengerKink meme.
posted by nicebookrack at 7:57 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


As a Whedon fan, I'd say expect a lot of beloved characters to die, but if you're a comics reader, you're already used to that. Whedon's a bit less likely to bring them back, though.
posted by maryr at 7:58 AM on August 8, 2012


...unless they get bought by a new network.
posted by maryr at 7:58 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Dollhouse was quite awesome at times. Sure, at other times, it didn't work. The weakest part for me wasn't Dushku, but rather the convoluted premise. Outside of that, I thought it was pretty fine, with many brilliant moments and great big slabs of twitchy, paranoid weirdness.
posted by Sticherbeast at 7:59 AM on August 8, 2012


running order squabble fest: " Jeremy Renner's arms"

Yes... His... arms...
posted by boo_radley at 7:59 AM on August 8, 2012


Y'all seen Bane's arms right?
posted by Mezentian at 8:01 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


Everybody in this thread has read Joss' excellent run on Astonishing X-Men right?

Right?
posted by fight or flight at 8:01 AM on August 8, 2012


Willy Lumpkin movie, please.
posted by entropicamericana at 8:02 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Everybody in this thread has read Joss' excellent run on Astonishing X-Men right?

Ouai, bien sur!

Which reminds me, the book that got me into comics was none other than Grant Morrison's New X-Men. Now that thar was a fine run.
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:03 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'd watch a Jessica Jones/Luke Cage TV show with Danny Rand, She-Hulk and Carol Danvers as a recurring characters in a heart beat. Especially if Jessica gets to threaten the president occasionally.
posted by bonehead at 8:03 AM on August 8, 2012 [3 favorites]


A second Thor movie? No thanks, he's an idiot.

No - more Thor and Meowmeow! He's a cutie-pie who knows how to have fun. It's glum little Natalie Portman that needs to go away.
posted by Squeak Attack at 8:03 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


oh god oh god

NOT SURE IF WANT
posted by elizardbits at 8:04 AM on August 8, 2012


Willy Lumpkin movie, please.

Which reminds me, I'd like to see a Doop movie where Doop is played by a really, really, really serious Russell Crowe.
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:04 AM on August 8, 2012 [7 favorites]


There's approximately 2 or 3 episodes of the Nerdist Writers Panel podcast in which Whedon isn't praised for being awesome to work with. You learn an awful lot about how fucked the Dollhouse situation was from those too.
posted by Artw at 8:04 AM on August 8, 2012


Also I require a second+ Thor movie to get more of my fix of Darcy, because Darcy should be in ALL THE THINGS.

DARCY LEWIS CAN'T LOSE!
posted by nicebookrack at 8:04 AM on August 8, 2012 [7 favorites]


Charlie Kaufman should make a Deadpool movie.

Bad news: The one in pre-production is being directed by a former VFX guy.
Good news: So was the recent Captain America.
Better news: It's being written by the guys behind Zombieland.
Even better news: Ryan Reynolds is still attached and determined to make it better than his role in the Wolverine prequel.

And of course, you could aways check out Nolan North (Nathan Drake from the Uncharted games) in the upcoming video game, which has a pretty Deadpool-esque trailer and was announced by Deadpool "crashing" an SDCC panel.
posted by zombieflanders at 8:05 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


My girlfriend and I loved Thor in The Avengers, so we checked out Thor's own movie, and we actually really liked it. I thought it was a lot of fun, and I dig Thor's aw-shucks demeanor. He's self-aware without being ironic.

The Thor movie was fine, a fun and generally light romp. What was important about the movie was that it established that Loki is pulling everyone's strings and the Avengers probably lost the battle, even though they supposedly repelled Loki and his army.

But ooops, Thor brought Loki back to Asgard. Heh. The link goes into details about this theory, which I originally didn't buy, but after seeing the Thor movie, I changed my mind. Loiki is pulling strings and pulling them hard.

Anyway, the movie was fine, the actual character is a foolish idiot. How many times does his brother have to try and kill him before he gives up trying to make peace with him?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:05 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


It would probably be too expensive, but I would love a live action Marvel TV show in which each episode was a self-contained story about a different character. You could probably go several seasons without focusing on the same character twice.
posted by ODiV at 8:05 AM on August 8, 2012


Astonishing started really strong and ended (by which I mean the very last issue) really strong but there was a whole lot of tepid filler in the middle there. I had pretty much given up on the run until I realized the next issue would be the last.

It might be different if read in collections, but when a run of three clunker issues meant the book had sucked for a quarter of a year, it was a little harder to remember fondly.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 8:06 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


I want Darcy in the Hawkeye movie because they should totally bone.
posted by elizardbits at 8:09 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


Even better news: Ryan Reynolds is still attached and determined to make it better than his role in the Wolverine prequel.

I cannot figure out what part of this I'm supposed to take as good news.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:10 AM on August 8, 2012 [5 favorites]


For no sane reason, I am now picturing Wallace Shawn as Deadpool, and I'm kind of okay with this.
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:12 AM on August 8, 2012 [7 favorites]


The only reason I could ever be sad (which I'm really not) at the glorious prospect of Ryan Reynolds heading the Deadpool is that it kills the prospect of Reynolds ever returning as Hannibal King.

Yeah Blade Trinity gets a lot of flack or whatever, fuck the haters, goateed ripped Ryan Reynolds spends nine-tenths of that movie half-naked and chained to a wall
posted by nicebookrack at 8:14 AM on August 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


~ Is wishing for a Whedon-helmed Sgt.Nick Fury and his Howling Commandos movie. Enough with the super heroes for awhile.
posted by Thorzdad at 8:15 AM on August 8, 2012 [3 favorites]


What I can't figure out is how everyone (myself included) always somehow seems to forget that Joss Whedon is a cruel fiendish monster who will kill everyone you love without remorse. WHY ARE WE ALWAYS SO EXCITED TO LET HIM CRUSH OUR HOPES AND DREAMS.
posted by elizardbits at 8:15 AM on August 8, 2012 [9 favorites]


I want Darcy in the Hawkeye movie because they should totally bone.

Holy shit, my brain just gave you a flying high-five.
posted by Amanojaku at 8:15 AM on August 8, 2012


Joss Whedon is my master now ...
... and I am excited if he chrushes my hopes and dreams.

Will that fit on a Tee?
posted by Mezentian at 8:17 AM on August 8, 2012


elizardbits: Darcy is already boning Bruce Banner but Clint can totally join that party ifyouknowwhatImean.

p.s. I have secondhand reports that she sees Loki and Natasha on weekends.
posted by nicebookrack at 8:19 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


How many times does his brother have to try and kill him before he gives up trying to make peace with him?

Until they finally make out. OBVIOUSLY.
posted by elizardbits at 8:20 AM on August 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


Even better news: Ryan Reynolds is still attached and determined to make it better than his role in the Wolverine prequel.

I don't know, that's setting the bar awfully high... though if he really wanted to push himself he could try to make it better than Blade Trinity or Green Lantern?
posted by biffa at 8:20 AM on August 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


Astonishing started really strong and ended (by which I mean the very last issue) really strong but there was a whole lot of tepid filler in the middle there. I had pretty much given up on the run until I realized the next issue would be the last.

I liked the start, but pretty much hated the Breakworld and the magic bullet and stuff. The X-Men I read before was the Morrison run and the X-Men I read after was the Claremont Essentials and it's really a little unfair to compare it with either.
posted by Artw at 8:20 AM on August 8, 2012


Amanojaku: your mind = BLOWN
posted by nicebookrack at 8:21 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


Joss Whedon has plenty of experience as a showrunner. During his years in television he brought worlds like Firefly, Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel to life, and even managed to the connect the arcs of the last two together.

Yeah, that was tricky to connect those two shows what with Angel having appeared on only fifty episodes of Buffy before being spun off into his own show, which had a half-dozen or more crossovers.

I would like to posit a law that every news story about some geek pastime requires at least one stupid error or absurd conclusion (You may call it Biscuit's Law if you like). I am not sure if it is there because the journalists want to preserve their credibility as someone who doesn't watch that stuff, or maybe it is akin to the non-existent streets that appear on city maps so that map publishers can track plagiarism. In any event, I am not sure that I have ever read a story about a science fiction/fantasy/superhero movie (outside of a source like Starlog or something of the sort) that was not hilariously off the mark somewhere.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:23 AM on August 8, 2012 [5 favorites]


But Ryan Reynolds is Green Lantern.

Speaking of which, I'd like to share an idea I had the other day.

What is Green Lantern's (the franchise) most common criticism? Lack of imagination. He has a ring that can make anything he can imagine and he makes giant flyswatters and anvils.

The idea. Let Neil Gaiman take a run at the character. He's probably too expensive to hire full time but if they broke open the piggy banks I bet they could get a limited run out of him.

Rose Walker: Green Lantern
posted by Bonzai at 8:25 AM on August 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


Until they finally make out. OBVIOUSLY.

Didn't we spary for Wincesters last week?
posted by Mezentian at 8:25 AM on August 8, 2012


Confesses to watching The Avengers again while on the flight back. Yes, it wasn't in 3D like the first time, but the nephew wasn't there either so I got to see the extra bits in the end and hear the dialogue for a change.

Would watch Hawkeye, yes, would watch Avengers 2

posted by infini at 8:27 AM on August 8, 2012


Or we could have sprayed. You know. Whichever.
posted by Mezentian at 8:27 AM on August 8, 2012


Steve Aylett should write Green Lantern.
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:29 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


HE'S ADOPTED
posted by elizardbits at 8:29 AM on August 8, 2012 [3 favorites]


But Ryan Reynolds is Green Lantern.

So? Chris Evans is both the Human Torch and Captain America.
posted by zombieflanders at 8:31 AM on August 8, 2012


odin!
I am shamed.... by a girl.
In comic lore!
A comic I have read since the '70s.



I am off to troll the SPN forums.
posted by Mezentian at 8:31 AM on August 8, 2012


and King of My Pants
posted by elizardbits at 8:32 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Wincest is so 4 years ago anyway. Dean/Cas is where it's at.
posted by kmz at 8:33 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


What is Green Lantern's (the franchise) most common criticism? Lack of imagination. He has a ring that can make anything he can imagine and he makes giant flyswatters and anvils.

See I always thought this would be an interesting take on the character-- purposefully make him someone with virtually no initiative or imagination, give him unlimited power and villains to fight and then watch how he tries to escape every single situation using something he saw in a Road Runner cartoon earlier that day.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:33 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


Wincest is so 4 years ago anyway. Dean/Cas is where it's at.

That is so months ago before people starts reading the Bible and realised angels were Lovecraftain horrors.

See: Deviant Art for Dean/Tentacle facts.
posted by Mezentian at 8:35 AM on August 8, 2012


I ship me/Dick Roman.
posted by elizardbits at 8:36 AM on August 8, 2012


That's not shipping, that's stalking.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:37 AM on August 8, 2012


But Ryan Reynolds is Green Lantern.

Not if you get bored in the first 20 minutes of prologs and turn it off.
posted by Artw at 8:38 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


I was going to make a spoilery comment about The Nines but no one has even heard of that stupid movie, so.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:42 AM on August 8, 2012


Sam can make love to the rotting dead horse that is SPN, all the while staring at his even more grossly bulging muscles in the cracked mirror that hangs over the filthy motel bed.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:45 AM on August 8, 2012


Imagine a TV show made out of Peter Milligan's run on X-Force. JUST IMAGINE IT.

Man, it would be phenomenal if they basically made this as a faux reality show, with periodic handheld-camera battles a la Chronicle.
posted by Greg Nog at 8:47 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


Anyway, the movie was fine, the actual character [THOR] is a foolish idiot. How many times does his brother have to try and kill him before he gives up trying to make peace with him?

More than once, maybe?

Loki only directly tried to kill Thor once in the Thor movie (near the end, with the big SPOILER). They also fought directly at the very end, but hey, brothers fight, and Thor wasn't trying to kill Loki and it's not clear Loki was actually trying to kill Thor in that fight (at least Thor might not think so). And remember that Loki's plan turns out to be less traitorous (although overall more evil) than it appears (everything about Loki in that movie is so perfect).

Loki never directly attacks or targets Thor in the Avengers movie.

So in movie continuity, Thor's hope for reconciliation is maybe not completely foolish.
posted by straight at 8:49 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


The idea. Let Neil Gaiman take a run at the character. He's probably too expensive to hire full time but if they broke open the piggy banks I bet they could get a limited run out of him.

In the top 20 Greatest Geek Regrets of my life is how DC screwed Alan Moore over before he could write more about the Green Lantern who was a mathematical formula.

MATH LANTERN

what is the Evil Math that it fights

how does that Lantern Oath even WORK
posted by nicebookrack at 8:51 AM on August 8, 2012 [5 favorites]


linear fucking algebra
posted by elizardbits at 8:53 AM on August 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


JOSS WHEDON NEXTWAVE MOVIE! that is all
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:54 AM on August 8, 2012 [3 favorites]


What is Green Lantern's (the franchise) most common criticism? Lack of imagination. He has a ring that can make anything he can imagine and he makes giant flyswatters and anvils.

This has already been addressed in-canon, to an extent: Hal Jordan is basically a lumkhead (this is not the canon description), and tends not to improvise. When confronted with something he cant deal with, he responds by... well, by turning evil and trying to destroy the entire universe. Go figure.

His successor, Kyle Rayner, was a graphic artist, and so his ring constructs were often far more detailed, especially when Grant Morrison was writing him.
posted by running order squabble fest at 8:56 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


They were also, on occasion, Lagann.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 8:57 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Meanwhile DC's sat wondering how to do a movie that isn't Batman.

Like this
posted by Gelatin at 8:57 AM on August 8, 2012


Sarah Silverman to play Tabby "Boom-Boom" Smith Y/Y

Also the world needs live-action Bob, Agent of H.Y.D.R.A.
posted by nicebookrack at 8:58 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


Also John Stewart is an actual engineer, so occasionally the artist makes a point of showing that all his constructs work - they have the rivets and support beams and internal structure to exist as actual physical objects and not just magic green glowy things. That's always neat.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 8:58 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Like this

"Let's hire Zach Snyder, he can make it Batman!"
posted by Artw at 9:00 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


I approve of anything that gives me Henry Cavill in tights. ANYTHING.
posted by elizardbits at 9:02 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Henry Cavill in a ballet about Hitler? SOLD.
posted by elizardbits at 9:02 AM on August 8, 2012


It's more of a rubber perv suit now. Don't know if that helps or hinders you.
posted by Artw at 9:03 AM on August 8, 2012


I've got to admit, even with Whedon at the helm, I've got pretty low expectations for any Marvel Universe TV property. Remember, Marvel Studios are the people that gave us Mutant X, which was essentially X-Men Lite.
posted by asnider at 9:05 AM on August 8, 2012


Like a horrible Clooney nipplesuit?
posted by elizardbits at 9:05 AM on August 8, 2012


If I had one wish for superhero films, it would be that I never see the words "Ryan Reynolds is attached" unless the phrase "railroad tracks" follows shortly thereafter.
posted by griphus at 9:05 AM on August 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


EVEN THAT IS NOT ENOUGH TO DETER MY UNHOLY LUSTS
posted by elizardbits at 9:05 AM on August 8, 2012


Oh! The latest How Did This Get Made? is about Batman and Robin. I haven't listened to it yet, but it's one of my favorite podcasts.
posted by griphus at 9:06 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


How about we have Neil Gaiman write a Supernatural movie? And then directed by Guillermo del Toro? Too expensive? Ah well, I can dream.
posted by Ber at 9:07 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Heroes for Hire/Alias Investigations is the obvious show to do.

Limited to no need for spandex on Luke, Danny, Colleen, Jessica or Misty.

Street scale so budgets would be modest, no real need for extensive special effects.

Plenty of room for cameos of other big name MCU characters.

Multicultural cast.

My only concern is that he'd inevitably cast someone like Dushku as Jessica Jones and Glau as some damaged goods ninja character and we've seen exactly how well that works.
posted by vuron at 9:08 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Which reminds me, I'd like to see a Doop movie where Doop is played by a really, really, really serious Russell Crowe.

Incidentally, if you, reading this thread, are not familiar with Doop, you may not be aware that the above sentiment is literally the greatest idea that has ever been expressed.
posted by Greg Nog at 9:08 AM on August 8, 2012 [7 favorites]


Wait, would it just be Russel Crowe milling about in a green suit, or would they just use face-capturing and superimpose Russel Crowe onto Doop?
posted by griphus at 9:09 AM on August 8, 2012


A combination of both, like the Hulk.
posted by elizardbits at 9:12 AM on August 8, 2012


Russell Crowe, dressed in casual clothes, speaking very earnestly and intently in Doop.
posted by running order squabble fest at 9:13 AM on August 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


Loki never directly attacks or targets Thor in the Avengers movie.

Well, if my brother decided to trick me into a steel cage designed for the Hulk and then drop me in six miles to the ground, we would not be bargaining about whether to turn off the super duper gadget that's bringing in the alien army to rule the Earth, because we're brooooothers.

But that's just me.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:13 AM on August 8, 2012


straight: "Loki never directly attacks or targets Thor in the Avengers movie."

Well, except for stabbing him that one time. But really, Thor and Loki have hundreds if not thousands of years of personal history. So thinking a fight lasting a few years might blow over, even a really nasty fight, isn't so unreasonable. And looking at the old Norse myths, it may just be that nigh-immortal demigods may have a different threshhold for "hey, ok, that was going too far!"
posted by Karmakaze at 9:13 AM on August 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


Avengers was a huge success (as a film and as a product) but this seems like a bold and ill considered commitment from Marvel, considering that Whedon's output is wildly inconsistent, both in quality and in audience appeal.

I personally don't like a single thing Whedon has produced but I respect him and understand that he is quite talented. But I have to disagree that this move is bold and ill considered on the part of Marvel because if Whedon's output is wildly inconsistent, that is a perfect match for the wildly inconsistent quality and audience appeal of the Marvel films and comics.
posted by juiceCake at 9:13 AM on August 8, 2012


Whee! So excited! I was really happy with The Avengers and am even happier to hear there's a chance they won't fuck up Avengers 2. (And if we get a Hawkeye movie that happens to also be a Black Widow movie, I am ok with that. I really want a Black Widow movie, but, you know, comics.)

Dollhouse is a thing that I have opinions about. I'm about halfway through the first season of a rewatch and it's been really interesting to try to pick apart what worked and what didn't. (I love Eliza Dushku in general but I agree that she did not have the chops for this role - however, I don't think that was the biggest problem with the show.)
posted by restless_nomad at 9:15 AM on August 8, 2012


Also a Nextwave movie would just be like one of those Spaulding Grey movies where he sits down in front of an audience with a book and reads it. No changing voices, just Warren Ellis reading Warren Ellis' Nextwave written by Warren Ellis, starring, produced and directed by Warren Ellis.
posted by griphus at 9:16 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


It's like Shakespeare, but with much more punching!
posted by nicebookrack at 9:20 AM on August 8, 2012


I honestly don't think Marvel would ever touch any of X-statix or Nextwave ever. Hell other than Aaron using Doop in WatX (which is essentially the "comedy" x-book) there seems to be almost no reference to X-statix at all. Nextwave gets referenced even less with Monica and Boom-Boom being almost completely irrelevant characters and no one else being used.
posted by vuron at 9:20 AM on August 8, 2012


but what's left to do? You have a bunch of god-like people fighting other god-like people and aliens, how can you possibly take that to the next level?

Two words: Secret Wars
posted by AElfwine Evenstar at 9:20 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


I want to see an Amalgam Comics movie get made and a reality show filmed about the lawyers that have to clear the rights to it.
posted by griphus at 9:22 AM on August 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


This makes me happy and I really hope the TV series doesn't get fumbled by ABC.

nicebookrack: "Yeah Blade Trinity gets a lot of flack or whatever"

So I recently re-watched this movie and while it had a lot of problems, Ryan Reynolds was not one of them. Also is it just me or do the vampire at the begging of the movie have a Vulcan science officer scanning Dracula's Tomb with a tri-coder?

Mezentian: "oh, I just want RIPPER! Is that so bad?
Why, Joss? Why BBC?
"

Oh Ripper...
posted by the_artificer at 9:24 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


I am pleased about the news that Whedon is going to helm another Avengers, and also be put firmy in charge of another TV property.

My money (if I were a betting person, even though I am not) would be on the TV show being about the adventures of various S.H.I.E.L.D agents, because Agent Coulson et al are cool enough to merit their own back stories.

Unfortunately because the character is a a firm D.C property, fans my never get to see what Joss Whedons version of a live action Wonder Woman would have looked like, but I like to drm that it would have been *kick ass brilliant*.

Also (Although it doesn't really need it) Dollhouse was indeed problematic, but it was also some of the most layerd and challenging genre TV to have been produced since (IMHO) the first few seasons of Battlestar Galactica (reboot not 70's). The first season of Dollhouse was a lot of world building and background buildup, because there were definate "I showed you THAT so I could show you THIS" moments in the second season.

Whatever the TNew Marvel show is, you can bet it won't be boring.
posted by Faintdreams at 9:26 AM on August 8, 2012


Dollhouse was all over the goddamn place in quality and tone and everything else, but going from that first season to Epitaph One was still fantastic.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:28 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


The best thing about Blade Trinity is Parker Posey as Queen 'Over It' of the vampire hipsters.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:28 AM on August 8, 2012 [3 favorites]


More Nextwave dreamcasting: Ed Helms as Aaron "Robot Buddy" Stack circa The Hangover Part 3.

I cannot decide if Gina Torres as Monica Rambeau would be amazing or far, far beneath her dignity (since she is destined to play Wonder Woman anyway)
posted by nicebookrack at 9:31 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


But Ryan Reynolds is Green Lantern.

Scanning down the page, I initially parsed this as, "Burt Reynolds is Green Lantern."

Somebody get me a laptop, a thesaurus, and a pile of cocaine. I have a screenplay to write.
posted by Rangeboy at 9:32 AM on August 8, 2012 [17 favorites]


why a place to link to fanfiction don't mind if I do

The big thing Whedon seems to bring that is a major asset to the entire genre of these kinds of movies is a sense of fun. The characters are taken serious but not above acknowledging that the very concept of superheroes is fun and you should and can have fun with that. All of the Marvelverse movies have been adventure narratives and it was kind of shocking to me how long ago it's been since we had adventure stories and not glower punch violence grit.

Also the Marvelverse has never been this ...consistant and well-sitched together. Thats gonna be interesting to keep up.

So, totally unsupported, widely speculative idea son how Phase 2 is gonna come together.

Loki's back in Asgard and Thantos needs to be introduced, so you have The Dark World where Loki's plan from the first Avengers (get them to kill the Chitaturi, get taken back to Asgard) is revealed and he makes a bid for the Infinity Gauntlet seen in the treasure room. The Guardians Of The Galaxy (which I think is going to be kid-friendy, talking trees and stuff entry in the series) introduced Thantos to the general audience by making him the Big Bad who manages to escape at the last second, or something. Winter Solider picks up where Avengers left off, introduces the concept of mind control and red rooms and we get some Nat backstory (please please please can we have Nat backstory?) and it serves to make everyone suspicions and on-edge while Iron Man 3 is happening and I have this odd gut feeling that it's going to make Tony an accidental super-villain cause that feels up Shane Black's alley. All the chips in place, an invasion, some might even call it low-key or secret, of Earth begins with shape-shifting mind control antagonists and don't you know it, it's time to suit up again for A 2, except now you're not sure who exactly you're fighting, who to trust, and the guy behind the screen is in love with Death Herself.

And Ant Man will be the outright comedy entry cause Wright. Yeah I'd like another character sure but I have literally never disliked anything Eright has ever done, so I'm cool with this. I'm even MORE cool with this if they get at Pym's Angry Dork side, as he is brilliant but insecure, socially dense, and kind of a pratt.

I am way too invested in this multi-media event for this to be healthy. Like I have gone to the gym and signed up for classes as a direct result of a summer blockbuster. I am broken inside.

Also, Hawkeye movie? Really? Really? Can;t we just watch Ghost Protocol and pretend?
posted by The Whelk at 9:34 AM on August 8, 2012 [3 favorites]


Ryan Reynolds was perfect to play the current Johns version of Hal Jordan who is basically the douchiest fratboy character imaginable that could still function as a hero. That movie was doomed for so many reasons not related to Ryan's casting or performance even though I tend to find him to be pretty insufferable in most roles. But Hal is insufferable so it's all good.

Fitting Parallax and an Origin story into one movie with a crap ton of mediocre CGI was just a bad, bad idea. If any character could've used an immediate introduction absent an origin GL would've been a great one. Just start the action en media res and then tell some of the origin stuff via flashbacks.

I don't know why the screenwriters feel compelled to do origin story after origin story when for the most part the origin stories of most superheroes are completely bland a boring. Sure origin stories work well for Batman (My family is dead, must get vengeance), Spider-Man (oh no Uncle Ben is dead, great power, great responsibility, etc) but for other characters especially cosmic characters it's just a massive waste of time especially if they have to shoe-horn in a bad romance subplot.
posted by vuron at 9:41 AM on August 8, 2012


What is Green Lantern's (the franchise) most common criticism? Lack of imagination.

Mabye we move in different circles, but I am going to go with "That was utter fucking shite."
posted by biffa at 9:41 AM on August 8, 2012


WHO SPEAKS ILL OF LINEAR ALGEBRA
THOR DOES NOT TAKE A PISS WITHOUT FIRST DEFINING AN ORTHOGONAL BASIS
also I am Thor in this scenario check these sweet guns
posted by samofidelis at 9:42 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


i will tesseract all up in your vector spaces
posted by elizardbits at 9:43 AM on August 8, 2012


I am way too invested in this multi-media event for this to be healthy. Like I have gone to the gym and signed up for classes as a direct result of a summer blockbuster. I am broken inside.

Oh man yes this. My wife, walking out of the theater after TDKR: "We should really get back to that climbing gym. And maybe start taking Krav Maga. No reason."
posted by gauche at 9:45 AM on August 8, 2012 [3 favorites]


I don't know why the screenwriters feel compelled to do origin story after origin story when for the most part the origin stories of most superheroes are completely bland a boring

The Incredible Hulk handled this well, the origin story is in the OPENING CREDITS, cause no one cares about Dr. Bruce Banner, totally normal dude who is not on the run.
posted by The Whelk at 9:45 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]



Oh man yes this. My wife, walking out of the theater after TDKR: "We should really get back to that climbing gym. And maybe start taking Krav Maga. No reason."


I may or may not pulled out my phone to look up boxing classes upon exiting The Avengers....
posted by The Whelk at 9:50 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


I may or may not pulled out my phone to look up boxing classes upon exiting The Avengers....

It just seems like the obvious thing to do.
posted by gauche at 9:57 AM on August 8, 2012


Greg Nog: "Incidentally, if you, reading this thread, are not familiar with Doop, you may not be aware that the above sentiment is literally the greatest idea that has ever been expressed."

Never heard of him. *clicks*
In one incident, Doop's brain explodes, and parts of it land all across the world. X-Statix and Avengers fight each other to gain control of the brain pieces. Doop, running on a backup brain in his butt and now capable of human speech, joins in.
Holy shit.
posted by brundlefly at 9:59 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


That makes it seem more like a role for Mel Gibson.
posted by elizardbits at 10:00 AM on August 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


I may or may not pulled out my phone to look up boxing classes upon exiting The Avengers....

Until they actually enforce cell phone rules in theaters, I pretty much feel that way upon exiting any movie...
posted by nickgb at 10:02 AM on August 8, 2012


X-Statix and Avengers fight each other to gain control of the brain pieces.

The fight between Sensitive Guy and Iron Man (where they both get naked to demonstrate that they are not afraid of being vulnerable, and then gently tweak and prod each other) is a particular high point.
posted by running order squabble fest at 10:03 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


(where they both get naked to demonstrate that they are not afraid of being vulnerable, and then gently tweak and prod each other)

fry_notsure.jpeg
posted by The Whelk at 10:07 AM on August 8, 2012


The only way to make a character like the Hulk interesting is to reverese his sexual orientation every time he transforms. I'd pay to see Hulk bareback the Thing in IMAX.
posted by Renoroc at 10:08 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


Rose Walker: Green Lantern

With Charles Vess on art. Yes.
posted by bonehead at 10:09 AM on August 8, 2012 [3 favorites]


Rose Walker: Green Lantern

With Charles Vess on art. Yes.


Holy shit my hand just twitched toward my wallet totally on its own.
posted by The Whelk at 10:11 AM on August 8, 2012 [3 favorites]


IT'S BUGGERIN' TIME!*

* I may have stolen that from a comic written by an Rvan Dorkin character.
posted by Artw at 10:21 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


IT'S BUGGERIN' TIME!*


The Tumblrifcation of the universe continues apace.
posted by The Whelk at 10:22 AM on August 8, 2012 [3 favorites]


Question: Which was a greater crime against humanity, Thor or Captain America?
posted by ennui.bz at 10:23 AM on August 8, 2012


Northwest Comics Collective is totally pre-tumblr.
posted by Artw at 10:26 AM on August 8, 2012


running order squabble fest: "His successor, Kyle Rayner, was a graphic artist, and so his ring constructs were often far more detailed, especially when Grant Morrison was writing him."

So I just became the Green Lantern equivalent of the guys who says "Superman isn't any fun to read because he's so powerful and he can move worlds and there is no challenge.*" ?

I feel shame. My comic book geek card will now be shredded.

(* Crisis was was 25 years ago folks )
posted by Bonzai at 10:26 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


Question: Which was a greater crime against humanity, Thor or Captain America?

Captain America teased us with Dum Dum Dugan's facial hair but failed to devote the entire movie to him, so I'm going with that.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 10:27 AM on August 8, 2012


Question: Which was a greater crime against humanity, Thor or Captain America?

We can't be friends anymore ennui

hamburger
posted by The Whelk at 10:27 AM on August 8, 2012 [3 favorites]


Incidentally, if you, reading this thread, are not familiar with Doop, you may not be aware that the above sentiment is literally the greatest idea that has ever been expressed.

*clicks*

In a training/audition session for X-Statix, one of the applicants, Corkscrew, needlessly kills an opponent. It is discussed that Doop would take care of matters. Despite the seriousness of an innocent man having just died, Doop makes a joke in his language, which greatly entertains the team members present.

Doop is sent on a camping trip with Corkscrew. At the end he simply kills Corkscrew with an axe, but not before subjecting the mentally unstable mutant to psychological torture. Part of this is tricking the man into killing wild horses.


I don't even know what this is and I must read all of it right now.
posted by middleclasstool at 10:33 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Until Avengers came out, I considered Captain America as the platonic form of how you do a family-friendly-but-still-entertaining summer action blockbuster, which is a genre I am deeply enamored with. So fields of honor at dawn, good sir.
posted by griphus at 10:34 AM on August 8, 2012 [5 favorites]


Whelk, I had to google it, because it seemed so out there . Looks like you want to find X-Statix #24.
posted by fings at 10:35 AM on August 8, 2012


I loved Captain America - wonderfully Indiana Jonesy.
posted by Artw at 10:37 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


Artw- Note Joe Johnson's career path
posted by The Whelk at 10:39 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Until Avengers came out, I considered Captain America as the platonic form of how you do a family-friendly-but-still-entertaining summer action blockbuster, which is a genre I am deeply enamored with. So fields of honor at dawn, good sir.

I've been diving in the kiddie pool of shit which is Netflix's recent hollywood releases... and Thor was recommended to me as being basically unwatchable. And, I get that: Queen Amidala on quaaludes in an implausible wig romancing the stoner bro-God out partying with his superfriends. But, man, Captain America took things to a new level: Gollum is from Brooklyn and get's hit on by this friendly scientist with a funny accent who turns him into the whiniest superhero in the world, who then joins a theater troupe, realizes he's more butch than that and decides to single-handed defeat the NAZIs (who are secretly controlled by Agent Smith in a Satan mask) using a cleverly modified garbage can lid and his hastily discovered multi-ethnic crew of superfriends...
posted by ennui.bz at 10:42 AM on August 8, 2012


Note that Joss had his hand in influencing a lot of Phase One as well, directing the post-credits scene in Thor and polishing up the Captain America script.
posted by kmz at 10:42 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


*Puts on SSR gym shirt, covers ears " STALWART AND STEADY AND TRUUUUUUUE..."*
posted by The Whelk at 10:46 AM on August 8, 2012


Gollum is from Brooklyn and get's hit on by this friendly scientist with a funny accent who turns him into the whiniest superhero in the world, who then joins a theater troupe, realizes he's more butch than that and decides to single-handed defeat the NAZIs (who are secretly controlled by Agent Smith in a Satan mask) using a cleverly modified garbage can lid and his hastily discovered multi-ethnic crew of superfriends...

Mods, I flagged this as an HTML/Display error because ennui.bz clearly hit the post button before describing the parts of the movie that were bad.
posted by griphus at 10:50 AM on August 8, 2012 [10 favorites]


Maybe Whedon will finally give us some MOTHEFUCKING KIRBY DOTS FOR THE LOVE OF JUMPIN' JACK.
posted by entropicamericana at 10:50 AM on August 8, 2012 [3 favorites]


realizes he's more butch than that and decides to single-handed defeat the NAZIs

Ahem. Just Hydra, who are special breakaway SCIENCE NAZIS. And he defeats them with the aid of Bucky and the Howling Commandos.
posted by Artw at 10:51 AM on August 8, 2012


Griphus: "Law and Order: 616 would be such an awesome show. Madrox lines 'em up, She-Hulk knocks 'em down."

I'm deeply annoyed that I can only favourite this once.
posted by the latin mouse at 10:51 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Just get Jedicus and crew over at Law And The Multiverse to consult, a completely straight-laced legal drama that happens to occur in a superhero universe.
posted by The Whelk at 10:54 AM on August 8, 2012


So, after Guardians of the Galaxy and Ant-Man, who's next? Doctor Strange is the only really obvious one. I foresee an Iron Fist movie in the near future. He was once a chopsocky third-stringer, but that guy has been all over the MU since Brubaker's run on Immortal Iron Fist, which was one of Marvel's best runs and which made Danny a really cool character with a cool mythology. The Seven Cities of Heaven issues would make a perfect movie. I'd rather he have a solo movie in K'un Lun before a team-up with Luke Cage, but they might go for the Heroes for Hire route.

He'd be yet another one-percenter superhero though, which isn't great.
posted by painquale at 11:01 AM on August 8, 2012


Dear universe - mightygodking has IDEAS about Dr. Strange.
posted by The Whelk at 11:02 AM on August 8, 2012


Oh dear god, I'm removing this from my recent activity. I have a report draft due tomorrow people!
posted by infini at 11:05 AM on August 8, 2012


Question: Which was a greater crime against humanity, Thor or Captain America?

I'm sorry, I can't hear you over Thor's abs.
posted by Squeak Attack at 11:13 AM on August 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


I'm sorry, I can't hear you over Thor's abs.

It's like a lava lamp
posted by The Whelk at 11:15 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


The thing about Danny as one-percenter is that he's a total bleeding heart. It'd be like having a Green Arrow movie, except it wouldn't be an inevitable vortex of suck.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 11:18 AM on August 8, 2012


And, unlike most one-percenters, he has a black friend.
posted by griphus at 11:20 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Marvel Cinematic Universe: showing Tony Stark, Thor, Steve Rogers, and zero ladies with their shirts off since 2008.

thank you thank you thank you thank you
posted by nicebookrack at 11:22 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


I am also very glad they avoided the canon horse shenanigans.
posted by elizardbits at 11:23 AM on August 8, 2012


ennui.bz: "Gollum is from Brooklyn and get's hit on by this friendly scientist with a funny accent who turns him into the whiniest superhero in the world, who then joins a theater troupe, realizes he's more butch than that and decides to single-handed defeat the NAZIs (who are secretly controlled by Agent Smith in a Satan mask) using a cleverly modified garbage can lid and his hastily discovered multi-ethnic crew of superfriends..."

If you're saying it's a silly, unrealistic adventure film... Well, yeah.... Thank God.
posted by brundlefly at 11:23 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


cjorgensen: "Hopefully he'll have a hand in a Hulk. That seriously needs to be done correctly already.

he gets mad, he turns green, he breaks shit. Not exactly the most nuanced character out there. It's a bit hard to hang a movie on that premise.
"

Grey Hulk. Nuf Ced.
posted by symbioid at 11:29 AM on August 8, 2012


I like PAD's professor hulk better than Grey Hulk. Smart + big and green? Yes please.
posted by vuron at 11:32 AM on August 8, 2012


I haven't seen the anime, but a Planet Hulk movie would be the Conan film we should've gotten insted of Khal Drogo and the Tacked-On Franchise.
posted by griphus at 11:39 AM on August 8, 2012


If you're saying it's a silly, unrealistic adventure film... Well, yeah.... Thank God.

In some ways, the movie Captain America is an interesting character. He reminds me of a certain, very modern, American (USA USA USA!) type. A sandy-haired midwestern, in the boy scouts/ROTC, stiff with a sort of judgemental, prissy morality. Whiny. Critical of the moral failings of other people, especially women. Driven by their own wounded sense of honor coupled with anxiety about their own nerdy masculinity and attracted to symbols of power, especially the military... paintball, war games, and then maybe ROTC and the actual military: hello Mr. 2nd Lt.

But then that character was grafted into a grade B action movie as a hero but as a character there's little to admire or even find likeable (unless you're distracted by his abs.) And, even if you happen to find the last boy scout likeable, Mr. America doesn't seem to like himself that much; witness his suicidal attack on Satan's own NAZIs, and his final suicide flight to avoid actually going on a date with a woam. Which of course then sets up the weird: "who's a bigger American Taliban, you or me, Mr. Stark," plot premise of the Avengers.
posted by ennui.bz at 11:41 AM on August 8, 2012


*Hitler punch*
posted by The Whelk at 11:42 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


nazi is not an acronym
posted by elizardbits at 11:42 AM on August 8, 2012


You realize that you have just mandated that we see a whole slew of NAZI acronyms, right?
posted by blurker at 11:56 AM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Personally I just read that as "Nazi," but in Brad Pitt's hilarious Inglourious Basterds accent.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 11:59 AM on August 8, 2012


Question: Which was a greater crime against humanity, Thor or Captain America?

I'd do with Thor. Captain America was dull whereas Thor was just terrible.
posted by juiceCake at 11:59 AM on August 8, 2012


"No!" a zebra indicated.
posted by griphus at 11:59 AM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]




if Chris Evans movie!Steve Rogers is not likable I do not understand what likable is

he is like an eager-to-please golden retriever puppy with muscles
posted by nicebookrack at 12:04 PM on August 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


nazi is not an acronym

In the Marvel universe it *could be*!
posted by Artw at 12:08 PM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


if Chris Evans movie!Steve Rogers is not likable I do not understand what likable is

he is like an eager-to-please golden retriever puppy with muscles


Imagine Thor and Captain America as teenagers in an American high school: Thor is the star football player who is also huge stoner and a good dude when he's not with his bros. Captain America is the quiet serious loner, who has "Nice GuyTM" stamped on his forehead but when you get to know him better is kind of a dick.
posted by ennui.bz at 12:15 PM on August 8, 2012


Also, if you can talk about Steve Rogers without mentioning the fact that he has a very literal and straightforward death wish, I'm not sure we saw the same movie.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 12:15 PM on August 8, 2012


SOMEONE is into AU fic I see.
posted by The Whelk at 12:16 PM on August 8, 2012


I would LOVE an attorney-centric She-Hulk movie. Oh ye gods, that would be ever so great.

Harvey She-Hulk, Attourney at Law.
posted by JHarris at 12:18 PM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Mezentian: whoever cast Dollhouse, needs an Emmy

Amanojaku: Which they should promptly be beaten over the head with, due to the Dushku Factor.

gauche: very interesting and not necessarily inappropriate that he [Whedon] cast Eliza Dushku to play Echo

The thing is, I think Dushku cast herself. The show was "was produced by 20th Century Fox Television, Whedon's Mutant Enemy Productions, [and] Dushku's Boston Diva Productions"[wp] (emphasis mine), she's credited as a producer in the show itself, and here's Whedon talking about how the show came to be on the making-of featurette on disc 4 of the first season DVD set:
I was working on movies, and kind of trying to get stuff off the ground, and Eliza [Dushku] made her Fox deal to do a show, bribed me with lunch to come out and talk. In the course of explaining to her what kind of show I thought she should do, I figured out exactly what show I thought she should do and what it was called.
Later, when discussing the casting process, he says, "Obviously, we already had Eliza".

I don't know this industry at all, so maybe I'm misunderstanding something fundamental here, but as far as I understand from the above, it's not like it was Whedon's show and he cast Dushku — it was Dushku's show, and she brought in Whedon to run it.
posted by stebulus at 12:19 PM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


Tony is of course the playboy son of the local eccentric billionaire and he throws the best parties and Steve doesn't really approve but then Tony saves Steve's puppy who was about to get run over by a semi and Tony is almost killed but then he isn't and then everybody has lots of sex.
posted by kmz at 12:25 PM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


YES
posted by elizardbits at 12:26 PM on August 8, 2012


the puppy is named BUCKY
posted by elizardbits at 12:26 PM on August 8, 2012 [5 favorites]


the puppy is named BUCKY

The only reason they meet at all is cause Thor joins the school's FIRST robotics team in an attempt to impress Jane Foster who is way to busy working on her independent study project to notice, Tony's the gearhead, Bruce is the quiet guy with the numbers, and Steve likes groups. Tensions clash over how dangerous the robot is (does it need Lasers? Add some lasers.) with teacher advisor Mr. Coluson.
posted by The Whelk at 12:30 PM on August 8, 2012 [5 favorites]


I don't know this industry at all, so maybe I'm misunderstanding something fundamental here, but as far as I understand from the above, it's not like it was Whedon's show and he cast Dushku — it was Dushku's show, and she brought in Whedon to run it.

The story is that they got together for lunch and developed the concept together as a show for Dushku to star in, so yeah, it's not like it's some casting director's fault or anything. I just think it was an overreach on Dushku's part and a fanboy crush on Whedon's - he could have written around her better if he hadn't assumed she could pull *everything* off - and to be honest, she's written as a bad girl more often than not in the first half of the first season, which is something she does do well.
posted by restless_nomad at 12:32 PM on August 8, 2012


oh god what is wrong with me
posted by The Whelk at 12:36 PM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Well, they got a great guy with Whedon. He's got the track record and demonstrated skills to do right by any Marvel character. I hope he doesn't burn out, though, because this sounds like a tremendous workload. Everybody will be asking him if Thor's helmet looks right, or if they can have another million for the series pilot, while he's trying to make a followup to an enormous hit movie that everybody will be watching.

Meanwhile, I think Doctor Strange would be perfect for a TV series, but maybe on HBO or Showtime instead of ABC. His adventures are pretty much indistinguishable from spectacular drug induced hallucinations, so why not go all the way? The first season could be Strange on a Hero of 1000 Faces/Carlos Castaneda style trip into cosmic realms that mirror the turbulence within his mind. It would be this bizarre fantasy thing where we've never quite sure if he's dead or on a mountainside in Tibet hallucinating everything, or if he really is the most powerful sorcerer in the world.
posted by Kevin Street at 12:43 PM on August 8, 2012 [3 favorites]




Tensions clash over how dangerous the robot is (does it need Lasers? Add some lasers.) with teacher advisor Mr. Coluson.

Darcy is Jane's BFF since middle school who demands to join the team for extra credit when Tony steals her taser to add extra robot zapping oomph. Natasha is the mysterious new foreign girl attending public school for the first time after an adolescence reportedly spent winning Olympic medals, but no one's really sure what the medals were FOR (gymnastics? judo? curling?)
posted by nicebookrack at 1:01 PM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


Apparently, Mark Ruffalo is every dude I went to high school with.
posted by griphus at 1:03 PM on August 8, 2012


She only ever talks to that other jock who also did high-end competitive sports but like, Archery or some shit, he's back after being suspended for nearly taking out Principle Fury's eye during a school assembly.
posted by The Whelk at 1:04 PM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


I've got pretty low expectations for any Marvel Universe TV property. Remember, Marvel Studios are the people that gave us Mutant X,

I call your Mutant X and raise you Generation X.
posted by radwolf76 at 1:30 PM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


I told my slash-happy spouse that the leading couple off the Avengers would have to be Steve Rogers/Tony Stark because those were the two who had the most conflict. Google count turned out to be about half a million. I really don't want to know about Thor/Loki.
posted by Ber at 1:30 PM on August 8, 2012


Doctor Strange is the only really obvious one.

They already made it.

With Lucille Bluth!
posted by Rangeboy at 1:32 PM on August 8, 2012


Ber: the classic standard Steve/Tony had surprise competition from Bruce/Tony, SCIENCE BOYFRIENDS (AKA Stark-Spangled Banner). As someone on my flist put it, "ZOMG I'm so proud, Tony made a FRIEND!" So that split the slash vote a bit. But overall the shipping has been surprisingly pleasant/welcoming of all Avengorgy flavors. (I lean Pepperbrony myself but will read anything. ANYTHING. Especially Darcythings.)
posted by nicebookrack at 1:49 PM on August 8, 2012


Now A Zither Interlude!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:50 PM on August 8, 2012


Sorry, that should read Now A Zither Interlude!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:54 PM on August 8, 2012


Especially Darcythings

I'd read Darcy/A Park bench because she is the Best.

everyone knows it's Bruce/Darcy like super obvious people
posted by The Whelk at 1:58 PM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


I call your Mutant X and raise you Generation X.

Oh man, I forgot all about that, and now I'm sad all over again that they never really did anything interesting with Skin. I always thought Skin and Strong Guy should team up, Master Blaster style, Skin stretched over Strong Guy's body and the two of them trading quips as they fight as a single bizarre unit.
posted by Greg Nog at 2:03 PM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


CHIWETEL EJIOFOR AS BLACK PANTHER yes good. The infrastructure's already in place! Where does all the vibranium come from in the Avengers universe - I mean this stuff writes itself. ant-man movie, pfffft.

Patiently waiting for Sony and Marvel to work together nicely so we can have Spiderman in an Avengers movie snarking around and annoying Captain America (which will never ever happen so long as both franchises are making bank but a girl can dream).

Also, I still refuse to believe Coulson is dead. In a universe where there's a dude flying around in a metal suit with a secret government organisation on a flying aircraft carrier and you're telling me their health care plan isn't good and crazy enough to deal with one bitty stab wound? Nope nope no dead Agent Supernanny. /swims around in denial

every Jeremy Renner movie after Avengers is now a Hawkeye-undercover-running-ops movie.
posted by zennish at 2:04 PM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


CHIWETEL EJIOFOR AS BLACK PANTHER yes good.

Anyone who knows my real name can attest to the fact that I generally dislike making fun of people's names, but I swear I thought I was reading ROT13 for a second.
posted by griphus at 2:06 PM on August 8, 2012


every Jeremy Renner movie after Avengers is now a Hawkeye-undercover-running-ops movie.

Even after the very good Hawkeye fic I've read, I still don't care much about him. However, I saw the Bourne preview the other day and though "Huh, awesome, Hawkeye movie."
posted by restless_nomad at 2:09 PM on August 8, 2012


What's all this Darcy stuff? Is that an Austen reference?
posted by Ber at 2:10 PM on August 8, 2012


Movieverse original Darcy "studying political science" Lewis as played by Kat Dennings is Jane Foster's snarky lab assistant in Thor, and she has become fandom's Little Black Dress of awesome.
posted by nicebookrack at 2:15 PM on August 8, 2012


and she never got her iPod back.
posted by The Whelk at 2:18 PM on August 8, 2012


I'm looking forward to a Hawkeye movie because in general he's so little known outside hardcore geekdom that movies can play freely with him without getting bogged down in "ZOMG MUST DO ORIGIN STORY!"

OOOH, are we doing Hawkeye fanfic recs now? Meet Clint Barton, stealth Avenger by day, secret banjo-playing country superstar by night!
posted by nicebookrack at 2:23 PM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Darcy's iPod was in Coulson's locker on top of his Captain America cards. If Thor didn't play nice Fury planned to spray fake blood on the iPod and toss it accusingly at him.
posted by nicebookrack at 2:24 PM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


Fury keeps an entire locker of Emotionally Significant items sprayed with blood at all times.
posted by The Whelk at 2:26 PM on August 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


CHIWETEL EJIOFOR AS BLACK PANTHER yes good.

nooooo isaiah mustafa

OR DONG LOVER
posted by elizardbits at 2:31 PM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


The hell with that Isaiah Mustafa is going to be Luke Cage in the ABC show I DEMAND IT.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:32 PM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


He should be all the Luke Cages everywhere.
posted by elizardbits at 2:34 PM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Lukes Cage?
posted by elizardbits at 2:34 PM on August 8, 2012


Luke Cagea
posted by The Whelk at 2:36 PM on August 8, 2012


HELLO, LADIES
posted by nicebookrack at 2:55 PM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


NOW BACK TO ME.
posted by radwolf76 at 3:01 PM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


SCENARIO: Thor and Luke Cage must go undercover at a shirtless beach volleyball competition

but en route they are waylaid by ninja and must defeat them by greasily wrestling them in Jason Statham's oilslick parking lot from The Transporter

then Darcy shows up with her taser and teaches a valuable lesson about electric shock + flammable liquids + feminism
posted by nicebookrack at 3:37 PM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


meanwhile teen wofl is ruining my life
posted by elizardbits at 4:01 PM on August 8, 2012


We need to put you in decontamination stat.
posted by The Whelk at 4:03 PM on August 8, 2012


Belgian wofl ruined my waistline.
posted by biffa at 4:08 PM on August 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


oooh sexy decon showers!

Everything I know about Teen Wolf I learned from this epic thing and that's good enough for me
posted by nicebookrack at 4:10 PM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


We need to put you in decontamination stat.

prolly you should google image search colton haynes before making these hasty decisions
posted by elizardbits at 4:26 PM on August 8, 2012


Everything I know about Teen Wolf I learned from this epic thing and that's good enough for me

Now *I* kind of want to watch Teen Wolf just out of solidarity. Good thing I don't have cable.

(Although three months ago I didn't have a TV, and a week ago I didn't have an antenna. The trend is not positive.)
posted by restless_nomad at 4:31 PM on August 8, 2012



prolly you should google image search colton haynes before making these hasty decisions

this is how the Beast lies and tempts you to twist you into some teen wolf watching monster. Resist!
posted by The Whelk at 4:51 PM on August 8, 2012


Have (a group of) movies ever really had a showrunner before? Lucas for Return and Empire, I suppose.
posted by Sparx at 4:52 PM on August 8, 2012


I MeMailed this to The Whelk already but decided to share it with you kind people.

What you need is Marvel TV which is its own channel and every show on it takes place in the Marvelverse. Some shows will be ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN MARVEL and others would be police procedurals where every now and then the Punisher shows up and gets scolded for murdering a guy and others would be like a reality show about house hunting or something and sometimes one of the participants is Luke Cage and then other shows would be documentaries narrated by Galactus.
posted by shakespeherian at 4:58 PM on August 8, 2012 [12 favorites]


ok so basically shakespeherian for president of the universe
posted by elizardbits at 5:01 PM on August 8, 2012 [5 favorites]


There's a mid-morning cooking show that is otherwise totally unremarkable and normal except sometimes Jean Grey or whoever shows up as the guest.

six o'clock news shows that run completely like normal news shows except the stories will mention Stark Industry stock rallies and the like.
posted by The Whelk at 5:06 PM on August 8, 2012


Ooh business cards
posted by shakespeherian at 5:06 PM on August 8, 2012


Oh "re-runs" of the old 70s-era campy "Captain America" TV show.
posted by The Whelk at 5:07 PM on August 8, 2012


MEANWHILE
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 5:13 PM on August 8, 2012


Dazzler hosting So You Think You Can Dance.
posted by The Whelk at 5:13 PM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Nationally Associated Zeitgeist Insignia
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:16 PM on August 8, 2012


On Mutant CSI , when they say "Use the 'Enhance!' button, the image will be enhanced
posted by nicebookrack at 5:26 PM on August 8, 2012


Yeah on the CSI show there is he character who is a mutant and it's a thing on the show which plays like a normal cop show but in the Good Morning America analog show there is an interview with the actress who plays the mutant character on the show about being the first out Mutant-American playing an out Mutant-American character.
posted by The Whelk at 5:29 PM on August 8, 2012


There is a joke where she says she wishes she had her characters' Enhance powers but really she's just a " very poor " pyrokenetic.
posted by The Whelk at 5:30 PM on August 8, 2012


Mutant-American PSAs! ~the more you know~

Bruce Banner and JARVIS have a call-in discussion show about technology and bioethics that runs at like 4AM on Sunday

"Well, Dr Banner, as the first acknowledgedA.I.-American I have a vested interest in the prevention of SKYNET, but I'd still favor more experimentation in the sciences"

It's like CSPAN + Bob Ross painting in entertainmentvalue but night owls watch it with a drinking game for whenever it seems like Bruce is going to Hulk out or JARVIS to cause Global Thermonuclear War
posted by nicebookrack at 5:38 PM on August 8, 2012 [5 favorites]



Bruce Banner and JARVIS have a call-in discussion show about technology and bioethics that runs at like 4AM on Sunday


I have like actual paying fiction jobs to do and my own damned fic to complete I do not need to write the adventures of Bruce Banner's public access-style show that Tony basically gave him to get him out of the lab for once
posted by The Whelk at 5:44 PM on August 8, 2012 [3 favorites]


occasionally other members of the team prank call in no stop st
posted by The Whelk at 5:48 PM on August 8, 2012 [3 favorites]


The Whelk, Kate Beaton parlayed X-Men comedy strips into an actual gig at Marvel and the top book of the year is "Twilight" fanfic with the serial numbers hastily filed off, I'm just sayin' DOOOOOO IIIIIIITTT

(Tony calls in every week with a voice disguiser to troll, part of the drinking game is how long it takes Bruce to notice)
posted by nicebookrack at 6:04 PM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


( I'm still stuck on the adventures of Dan Maven, baby stalker.)
posted by The Whelk at 6:09 PM on August 8, 2012


(well Dan clearly needs an interlude of "Better Stalking Through Technology: ETHICAL?" discussion)
posted by nicebookrack at 6:32 PM on August 8, 2012


( "Hey Dr. Banner first time caller long time watcher, I was wondering what you thought about using technology to observe people without thier knowledge when you are sure that you could help and understand more and keep them from trouble if they watched them 24 hours a day to make sure they're safe and comfortable and beautiful and perfect and and free from harm and you could just run thier lives so much better if they just let you?")
posted by The Whelk at 6:41 PM on August 8, 2012


Just as long as this exclusive contract doesn't fuck up his already announced plans to do Dr. Horrible 2. That's all I demand.
posted by hippybear at 6:42 PM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


("Uhh...I'm, I'm not sure if this is Tony or Pepper, and you know whatever you guys are into in your, your...consenting adult private lives is, uh, fine with me, I mean...but I'm still not letting you tag me with a GPS chip, Tony, I will rip it out with an MRI if the other guy doesn't, so help me. Just so we're clear. Unless this is Pepper, because I can definitely see how tracking Tony would be useful for you.")
posted by nicebookrack at 7:50 PM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


(meanwhile, in a dark hospital room a man assumed to be dead smiles at the TV "God if they only knew how many times I tried to get approval for tracking chips....")
posted by The Whelk at 8:11 PM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


This thread is seriously lacking in Black Widow animated gifs.
It can't just be me?

And jokes about the Justice League bein' set in Bawwston.
With Matt Damon as Aquaman.
posted by Mezentian at 8:17 PM on August 8, 2012


solved
posted by The Whelk at 8:23 PM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


Eh.
posted by restless_nomad at 8:25 PM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


seriously?
posted by The Whelk at 8:36 PM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


I kind of want her eyebrows to kidnap and interrogate me.
posted by restless_nomad at 8:41 PM on August 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


those eyebrows
posted by The Whelk at 8:45 PM on August 8, 2012


I dreamed that me and Natasha were superspy girlfriends infiltrating a gang of otherkin terrorists and she got perved on by a horse creeper and I had to shoot everyone.

sigh
posted by elizardbits at 8:46 PM on August 8, 2012


The Dr Horrible/Avengers crossover! Black Widow takes out Bad Horse!
posted by restless_nomad at 8:48 PM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Bad Horse is Loki IN DISGUISE!!
posted by nicebookrack at 8:48 PM on August 8, 2012


Hmm, that doesn't work, Bad Horse is very clearly a stallion.
posted by restless_nomad at 8:49 PM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


the bastard offspring then, leading Black Widow to mount an attack set to and ending with
posted by The Whelk at 8:51 PM on August 8, 2012


restless_nomad: I just think it was an overreach on Dushku's part and a fanboy crush on Whedon's - he could have written around her better if he hadn't assumed she could pull *everything* off

I agree that Dushku doesn't have the chops for the role (as you said above), so I'll go along with "overreach".

I'm not sure of Whedon's motivations here, though. How do you know it's a "fanboy crush"?

I mean, if he speaks highly of Dushku in public, well, that's just Hollywood, isn't it?

And his willingness to do the show is ambiguous — that quote I partially quoted above actually starts, "Mentally, I was depressed. I was working on movies, and kind of trying to get stuff off the ground ...". Now, maybe this is just him performing that sad clown persona that he often seems to use in interviews, but still, the lunch with Dushku was late 2007, according to Wikipedia, and he hadn't done much film or TV recently at that point. (Serenity came out 2005; Angel ended 2004.) So, maybe he feels like his career is stalled, and along comes this opportunity with Dushku. He might well jump at it even if he has reservations about her acting chops.

And I can see some challenges in writing around your star's weaknesses when she's also your producer and gungho about the role...

And maybe Loki learned his lesson from last time.
posted by stebulus at 8:52 PM on August 8, 2012


I mean, if he speaks highly of Dushku in public, well, that's just Hollywood, isn't it?

Oh, sure, I am taking at more or less face value the extensive gushing he's done about how he wrote that role and the show specifically to showcase her versatility. It's possible he thought it wouldn't work but was trying to put a good face on it. But I try to assume that people aren't flat-out lying all the time, because I'd go nuts. (I just recently listened to the commentary they did together on the pilot, and if they're not actually good friends and genuinely fans of one another, then Joss is by far the better actor of the two.)
posted by restless_nomad at 8:59 PM on August 8, 2012


Dollhouse is such a weird show.It's really uneven and it's when Joss-Master-Of-Formula breaks formula most often cause its not really a standard genre premise but it's also the kind of high concept SF that never gets on TV and the fact that it did is kind of amazing? I mean I still think you could prune a good 12 hours from it and not loose anything, but it went places I wasn't expecting it to go and kept surprising me by like, actually taking its premise to the logical conclusion and it's a troubled effort but it's so *different* compared to its contemporaries that I cut it a lot of slack.
posted by The Whelk at 9:07 PM on August 8, 2012


There's air an Seriousness about Dollhouse that isn't in a lot of other Joss Whedon stuffs. Yeah things get serious, but Dollhouse always felt *serious* from the start, I think cause in order to sell the premise you have to believe it first and not wink.
posted by The Whelk at 9:10 PM on August 8, 2012


Totally - it was super frustrating listening to Joss's commentary on "Man on the Street" where he says "so we realized we really needed to do an actual pilot so we did this and the network let us" and knowing that a) that was not only the best episode thus far in the first season (at episode 6) but b) it wouldn't actually work as a pilot because, fluffy and useless as the first five eps are, they still convey so much more of the world than could possibly have fit into any single episode.

(I haven't re-watched the unaired pilot yet but I expect to use a lot of ALL CAPS BECAUSE FOX OMG AGAIN REALLY?!)
posted by restless_nomad at 9:11 PM on August 8, 2012


Dollhouse is one of those shows where I feel like I give people a truncated list of episodes and a guide that says "okay during that awful episode this happened which leads to this episode you should watch." Cause the bad stuff was really bad but the good stuff was really good and it's a kind of rollercoaster.
posted by The Whelk at 9:14 PM on August 8, 2012


But I try to assume that people aren't flat-out lying all the time, because I'd go nuts.

Yeah, I hear that.

(I just recently listened to the commentary they did together on the pilot, and if they're not actually good friends and genuinely fans of one another, then Joss is by far the better actor of the two.)

Ah. I'll take a listen. Thanks.
posted by stebulus at 9:21 PM on August 8, 2012


High school Avengers fuck yeah!

Of course Bruce wore braces in high school. Of course. "That's my secret: I'm always angry."

Steve looked like someone I could be friends with. I don't care if he was a Nice Guy/sekrit douche.

Punches to Tony's face at any age

Thor was so hot zomg

Be my bff Natasha <3

Awww CLINT
posted by fatehunter at 9:32 PM on August 8, 2012


That's totally the haircut Clint had, too.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:34 PM on August 8, 2012


CLINT's baby-flattop makes me want to curl up with my fists against my mouth to stifle the cooing and prevent myself from petting the FUZZY HAIR.
posted by nicebookrack at 9:38 PM on August 8, 2012


the High School team recruits Clint when it's revealed this year's FIRST challenge involves projectiles, Drama occurs when Thor's gothy malcontent brother gets a thing for Darcy. It doesn't help that Thor induces him with "He's adopted!" Tony saves Steve's puppy and is invited over for dinner wherein he discovers just how stonking rich Tony's parents are (magnet high school, brings together lots of income types, Steve's mom is a waitress.). Tony flirts with Steve during the meal but mostly to enrage his father which is really his only goal in life. Thor keeps TRYING to get Jane's attention but she's off in her own high-achieving, never-sleeping science scholarship world. It takes the combined efforts of the group to get them at the same Dairy Queen at the same time and bond over oreo crunchies. The regional finals come up and when Clint damages his hand in an accident he doesn't like to talk about Nat takes the controls and wins the competition but they're disqualified cause she wasn't actually a Robotics Team member.
posted by The Whelk at 10:01 PM on August 8, 2012 [3 favorites]


then Bruce LOSES HIS SHIT at the smug cronying robotics judges who are gunning for the chairman's nephew's team to take the top spot and Bruce pulls down an in-school suspension but it was so worth it just for the video footage of the judges fleeing the robot rampage.

Meanwhile Thor's gothy malcontent little brother tries to win Darcy's heart by stealing back her confiscated iPod from Principal Fury's office and giving it to her. Darcy is touched but tells him bluntly that she's just not that into him, but if he lays off the sulking they can be bros and swap The Cure MP3s, and she'll stop calling him "Thor's little brother."
posted by nicebookrack at 10:26 PM on August 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


When everyone else is getting Thor and Jane to talk to each other at the Dairy Queen, Darcy and Loki are smoking behind the dumpster and become BAST FRANDS.
posted by The Whelk at 10:36 PM on August 8, 2012


Mr. Coulson would really rather not deal with a group of uppity teenagers who really, really want to win at Orlando and can't keep their hands off each other but he likes making Principal Fury squirm and what else is he going to do with his friday nights.
posted by The Whelk at 10:41 PM on August 8, 2012


though Darcy gave Thor the advance heads-up on which ice cream to order because BFFs know each other's Blizzard flavor. She also gave him the advance "If you hurt her I will kill you and your sweet vintage car with a shovel" talk in detail so she is due a smoke break.
posted by nicebookrack at 10:44 PM on August 8, 2012


Steve offers to help clean the Robo workshop so Mr Coulson can get a head start on the field trip paperwork, and Mr Coulson just wants to hug him, and everyone else is guilted into helping clean too

Except Tony who is working on a gripper-claw the robot could use to clean with and this is IMPORTANT to the PROJECT OKAY
posted by nicebookrack at 10:50 PM on August 8, 2012


Tony is so still there in the closet they made Robotic Club HQ waaay after his Teacher Supervision had left for the day cause it's like 5:30 and let the rich kid fiddle with the gear parts who cares. The security guards know him, it'll be fine. Until Steve shows up cause he was cleaning up after the Theater club party was yes he helps out at theater and does varsity quarterback and mock U.N and fucking Latin Club cause he's just that kind of guy so of course he's thee.
posted by The Whelk at 10:57 PM on August 8, 2012


I just got broken up with, and though it's going as well as what was a wonderful thing ending can go, and I saw Avengers with her.... I think I need to go watch it again. No romance, just a lot of... hilarious awesome. And I could use that right now.

I already watched all of Firefly, because... because. I didn't think of Avengers and wouldn't've but for this thread. So, thanks, metafilter.
posted by flaterik at 12:17 AM on August 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


documentaries narrated by Galactus.

I think Uatu would be more appropriate.

Could the real Galactus turn up in one of Marvel’s upcoming movies?
posted by homunculus at 12:35 AM on August 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


Steve is carrying leftover brownies from Theater Party and also the remaining snickerdoodles he made in today's Home Ec, where all of the girls and most of the boys are in love with his oblivious perfect face and his perfect baked goods. And while Tony is a master at the Totally Ignoring You Game with other people in a small room because he is Busy and Important, he is humanly weak against sweet, sweet desserts and Steve "You don't want my snickerdoodles?" Rogers with his Steve Rogers face. Which has flour on it.
posted by nicebookrack at 3:38 AM on August 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


Uatu = Ceiling Cat, discuss!
posted by nicebookrack at 3:41 AM on August 9, 2012


The idea of Agent Coulson as a high school faculty member makes me think of him as a slightly younger Mr. Guber from "Boston Public", and then someone mentioned Fury as principal, which could work well regarding Principal Harper (Chi McBride) from the same show, and now I really want it to happen, also Boston Public was a really good show, but it was FOX so of course it had to get fucked up and axed.

Sorry... Avengers, Whedon, go on.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 6:12 AM on August 9, 2012


Joss Whedon is to Charlie Brown as FOX is to Lucy, with a TV show as the football.

Good grief.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:47 AM on August 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


The idea of Agent Coulson as a high school faculty member makes me think of him as a slightly younger Mr. Guber from "Boston Public", and then someone mentioned Fury as principal,

The funny thing, in the latest iteration of the Spiderman Cartoon, Coulson was the principal.
posted by radwolf76 at 9:15 AM on August 9, 2012


Joss Whedon is to Charlie Brown as FOX is to Lucy, with a TV show as the football.

Alternatively: Joss is to Lucy as the audience is to Charlie Brown, with characters we love and don't want to see die agonizing deaths as the football.
posted by Rangeboy at 9:15 AM on August 9, 2012


Does that make Eliza Dushku the football or Snoopy? I'm confused.

(Is Wash Pigpen? He seems so happy all the time.)
posted by bonehead at 9:43 AM on August 9, 2012


Summer Glau is Woodstock.
posted by Sticherbeast at 10:13 AM on August 9, 2012




Renner needs to understand that the new fans who've adopted him based on his 30 seconds in Thorwill make up for his limited time by designating his every other role as a Hawkeye Secret Op, FOREVER. Like Barbie careers, only with undying loyalty and an always-open hospitality suite on the Geek Con circuit.

Hurt Locker = Afghanistan Hawkeye
Bourne Legacy = Medical Experiment Hawkeye
The Unusuals = Cop Hawkeye

He can look to the ascent of Harrison Ford for his career path.
Witness = Amish Hawkeye
Air Force One = Hawkeye FOR PRESIDENT
Cowboys & Aliens = Hawkeye & James Bond Ride Horses
posted by nicebookrack at 7:31 PM on August 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


You forgot one:
The Town - Tracksuit Hawkeye
posted by Mezentian at 8:25 PM on August 9, 2012


I really liked The Unusuals and had somehow not connected that that was Renner. I need to go back and rewatch that.
posted by maryr at 8:48 PM on August 9, 2012


Tracksuit Nun Hawkeye!

I eagerly await future iterations of Period Costume Drama Hawkeye and Romantic Comedy Hawkeye.

But I can never watch The Unusuals again because I will get my classic Only The Good Shows Die Young sadfeels AND bonus "noooooo want more Cop Hawkeye whhhyyyy" and then I'll break out Firefly just for kicks as I cry into my vodka.
posted by nicebookrack at 9:20 PM on August 9, 2012


Also The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things = Horrifyingly Abusive Step parent Hawkeye.
posted by The Whelk at 9:36 PM on August 9, 2012


(Or for that Matter, The Island = Place where they make the Black Widow clones.)


holy crap Scarlett Johansson is like literally my age
posted by The Whelk at 9:38 PM on August 9, 2012


Speaking of role associations, if we can just cast David Bowie as, oh, Doctor Strange or someone, then with Bowie AND Batman AND Wolverine AND Black Widow The Prestige will be the biggest superhero crossover crisis of all time. (That isn't wholly connected via Nolanverse a la Inception. Although fuck, fuck yes Joseph Gordon-Levitt for all the future superheroics and Tom Hardy's Bane snuggling paternally with Scandal Savage in Secret Six.)
posted by nicebookrack at 9:42 PM on August 9, 2012


David Bowie as the literal manifestation of the Power Cosmic.
posted by The Whelk at 9:46 PM on August 9, 2012 [2 favorites]


Bombsquad Hawkeye, Stepdad Hawkeye
Tracksuit-Wearing Bank Thief Hawkeye
Lab-Rat Hawkeye, Beat Cop Hawkeye
Hawkeye Hawkeye Clint!
posted by nicebookrack at 9:52 PM on August 9, 2012 [2 favorites]


Also The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things = Horrifyingly Abusive Step parent Hawkeye.

This reminds me that Asia Argento is pretty awesome. Not sure who she'd be in the Marvelverse, but she should be someone.
posted by Sticherbeast at 9:58 PM on August 9, 2012


Jessica Drew AKA Spider-Woman? Unless we're saving her to kick ass with Jessica Jones in TV Alias.
posted by nicebookrack at 10:10 PM on August 9, 2012


Hawkeye and Gretel?
posted by homunculus at 10:49 PM on August 9, 2012


Oh lord that dye job.
posted by The Whelk at 11:13 PM on August 9, 2012


Let's not forget Vampire Hawkeye, his other work on a Joss project, super early in his career.
posted by kmz at 11:26 PM on August 9, 2012


The hell did I miss that?
posted by The Whelk at 12:04 AM on August 10, 2012


oh god vampire renner is the most 90s thing to have ever happened
posted by Sticherbeast at 12:12 AM on August 10, 2012


Vampire Hawkeye's tiny fuzzy soul patch!!

So basically we should be combing through the Buffy/Mutant Enemyverse for character actors already in Joss's posse as future Avengerverse stars. I call Jonathan M. Woodward as someone charming who dies a lot!
posted by nicebookrack at 3:58 AM on August 10, 2012


No. No.
Adam-X The X-Treme was the most 90s thing to have ever happened.
Vampire Hawkeye is lacking the backwards baseball cap.
Although he does seem to have the clit-tickler.
So, there is that.
posted by Mezentian at 3:58 AM on August 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Whelk: "The hell did I miss that?"

It was one of the episodes where Angel got chained to his bed. So extraneous details like guest stars and plot may not have had your full attention.
posted by the latin mouse at 4:05 AM on August 10, 2012


New Idea for my PhD:
Representations of Non-Gender Specific Domination in the Worlds of Joss Whedon.
posted by Mezentian at 4:08 AM on August 10, 2012


So basically it wasn't until very recently that Renner figured out what his hair do was all about.
posted by The Whelk at 7:37 AM on August 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Hurt Locker helmet-hair made him give up on preening, then his hair blossomed naturally on its own.
posted by nicebookrack at 8:55 AM on August 10, 2012


I'll just leave this here.
posted by Mezentian at 4:52 PM on August 13, 2012


I do not like the thunder man.
posted by The Whelk at 4:57 PM on August 13, 2012


"Loki" as "Rocky" makes for an entirely different movie.
posted by restless_nomad at 5:20 PM on August 13, 2012


Instead of ADRIAN it's I'M ADOPTED.
posted by The Whelk at 5:23 PM on August 13, 2012


Wow. Sort of apropos of nothing, but.... Tony Stark and Food. In case you were wondering what the hell the deal was with the shawarma scene.
posted by restless_nomad at 5:29 PM on August 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


You know, on my rewarching of the Marvelverse movies, I noticed that every single emotional beat around Tony involved food. he even does a little operant conditioning via blueberries with Bruce, although I took it for a more generalized-eating-disorder-y thing.


Does anyone have a flashlight? These woods are deep and dark and I don't know where I am.
posted by The Whelk at 5:36 PM on August 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


The woods are just trees. The trees are just wood.
posted by maryr at 7:21 PM on August 13, 2012


Thank goodness I have a basket for all these feels.
posted by The Whelk at 10:06 PM on August 13, 2012




You know there is something friendishly clever about presenting a 2+ action movie where people complain there isn't enough character interaction and then going "Oh BTW there's like 40 extra minutes of all that stuff on the DVD."

(quietly waits for the 25 minute featurette 'Steve answers his mail and makes a cup off coffee.')
posted by The Whelk at 4:34 PM on August 20, 2012 [1 favorite]




I'm mentally inserting Cap struggling with the parachute into the movie.
posted by The Whelk at 10:26 AM on August 21, 2012


Did I just see Hiddleston doing a dead-on impression of Alan Rickman? Can I have 2 hours of that, please?
posted by zombieflanders at 11:00 AM on August 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


At this point he's just trolling us.
posted by The Whelk at 11:07 AM on August 21, 2012


Best gag reel ever.
posted by restless_nomad at 11:39 AM on August 21, 2012


God even the gag reel is memeable.

STOP FIGHTING!
posted by The Whelk at 11:40 AM on August 21, 2012


You know how long it's been since I bothered with the DVD of a movie? And now I will have to buy this. Thanks, Whedon.
posted by maryr at 11:45 AM on August 21, 2012


Also, yeah sure Clark, ' for the gag reel' right.
posted by The Whelk at 4:07 PM on August 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


"EDIT: Video removed at Disney's request."

Lame.
posted by homunculus at 5:55 PM on August 21, 2012


Still up at Buzzfeed. For the moment.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 6:11 PM on August 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


Oh, man. Hiddlestone. I am totally rooting for evil from now on.
posted by running order squabble fest at 9:00 AM on August 22, 2012


Coooooulson!

I want a dvd extra that dubs the entire movie.in that voice.
posted by The Whelk at 9:08 AM on August 22, 2012


I want an entire Wonder Woman film, directed by Joss Whedon, starring Cobie Smulders.

That sounds like a total no-brainer. How could anyone not get on board with it?

Wait, what?
posted by running order squabble fest at 9:12 AM on August 22, 2012 [1 favorite]


That short release was probably the best sales pitch the DVD could have had.
posted by restless_nomad at 12:08 PM on August 22, 2012


running order squabble fest: "I want an entire Wonder Woman film, directed by Joss Whedon, starring Cobie Smulders."

After the success of Avengers I wonder if Warner Bros. is kicking themselves for not letting Whedon do what he wanted with that movie.
posted by the_artificer at 5:40 PM on August 22, 2012 [1 favorite]


Joss Whedon, the creator of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," was hired to write and direct a Wonder Woman feature film for Warner Bros., but in February of this year, Mr. Whedon abruptly walked off the project, saying in an interview, "I would go back in a heartbeat if I believed that anybody believed in what I was doing. The lack of enthusiasm was overwhelming."
- New York Sun
posted by the_artificer at 5:44 PM on August 22, 2012 [2 favorites]


Any Wonder Woman film would need to use some of these villains.
posted by homunculus at 7:00 PM on August 22, 2012




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