JoanArkham:"We came to the conclusion that "creeping" or "being a creeper" has a stronger connotation to younger people than it does to us."
I think that "creepy" is an interesting insult, because of it's dual meaning - both "This is a person who looks/acts unattractive" and "This is a person who may harm me in the future." I think the vitriolic reaction to this insult from men stems from how this combo definition makes it seem that, if the man is not what the woman considers attractive, that he is therefore going to harm her. I think that that is much more of an insult than either of the two definitions alone.
Is there evidence that rapes are especially likely to be committed by the "creepy" guy in your friend group?
I am under the impression that rapes are more-or-less just as likely to be committed by socially fluent men who wield interpersonal power.
posted by grobstein at 11:19 AM on August 9 [+] [!]
as a young, unpopular and unkissed lad, all the way through junior high and high school and college, i believed there was such a thing as a friend zone or a “ladder theory” that explained why girls didn’t look twice at me
i have since discovered that every guy who believes themselves to be in a friend zone has placed the girl of his desires in the romance zone, and just as the guy doesn’t want to be in his zone, the girl doesn’t want to be in that zone either. it’s 1:1. if a girl doesn’t like you it isn’t because of a zone. it’s because she doesn’t like you and also doesn’t have to like you
only after i learned that lesson did i grow incredible facial hair and become very charming and funny and exotically handsome
Future Ted mentions how most his stories have been romantic or have portrayed him in a fairly positive light, but in this next story, he was simply a jerk. Ted tells the gang that he has invited a woman over under the pretense of checking out his antique camera collection, which Barney classifies as "bait." He's tried many types of bait (slot machine, trampoline), but found that a teacup pig is the best kind, which Ted then borrows after seeing the reaction Robin, Marshall and Lily gave.
Later, Ted is at MacLaren's telling the gang about this woman, Tiffany (Carrie Underwood), he snared using the pig. She says she's really into him, but can't be with him "right now." The gang sees through her ruse, telling Ted that he's been "hooked," a euphemism for stringing along someone's interest in you until someone better is available.
Everyone gives an example: Marshall did a high school classmate's homework and was her "secret boyfriend", Robin allows her pre-morning show cameraman to pamper her, and Lily's high school flame, Scooter (David Burtka), works at her school as cafeteria staff, where she doesn't exactly tell him that a relationship is impossible.
Ted refuses to believe that he has been hooked, and continues waiting on Tiffany. When she shows up to the bar with her co-workers, Barney is excited to see that she and all her friends are pharmaceutical representatives, which he calls the "hot-chick" profession of their generation (like the nurse or stewardess was in the past). He hooks up with several of them, before meeting a particularly plain rep, declaring the era of the "hot pharma girl" over.
All the while, Ted himself has "hooked" a librarian from Columbia. Henrietta treats Ted just like he treats Tiffany, even assembling a sumptious dinner (with an ice sculpture) when he drops by. Ted is just as dismissive of Henrietta as Tiffany is of him. Soon, Ted is invited to go to a wedding with Tiffany, which he sees as a sign of commitment, and he meets her in the room with champagne. Much to his chagrin, she comes in with the best man, the guy who "hooked" her, and she proceeds to pamper him in front of Ted. Ted leaves, intent on making sure Henrietta doesn't feel the same heartbreak.
Unfortunately, he took the best man's jacket by accident, which had the wedding ring inside. Bending over at Henrietta's door to tie his shoes, the ring falls out, and Henrietta opens the door to see Ted down on his knee, in a tuxedo, with a ring in his hand. She immediately assumes he is proposing, says yes, and introduces him to her parents (who had stopped by). With a fair amount of awkwardness, Ted explains what has happened and makes sure she knows that they will never be together.
See, in my book, if you're "creepy", you BY DEFINITION are not socially fluent -- or not with regards to dating, anyhow. Creepy = you're doing it wrong. Making somebody feel creeped out means you are not socially fluent in this aspect of human relations, regardless of how well that person does in other social scenarios.
posted by LordSludge at 5:24 PM on August 9 [+] [!]
whereas others (including myself) maintain that creepers are unintentionally creepy, that they know exactly what they're doing when they make women uncomfortable. The difference in intent is crucial to understanding the "creeper" phenomenon.
As I said before, many creepy guys aren't generally in this for real life relationships. and sometimes not even to get dates. They are in it to, at best, make women and girls uncomfortable, and at worst to identify and groom victims.
posted by bilabial at 6:51 PM on August 9 [2 favorites +] [!]
WHY ARE YOUR FEELINGS BURNING
TO KNOW WHY A VOICELESS WOMAN IN A STORY
DID NOT BEHAVE IN THE WAY
THAT YOU MANSPLAIN SHE SHOULD HAVE
DO YOU FEEL LIKE
WE NEED TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS
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