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August 11, 2012 1:38 PM   Subscribe


 
this dog, not so much for fetch.
posted by The Whelk at 1:39 PM on August 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Man I'm so old. My first reaction was to worry about the varnish on the table.
posted by howfar at 1:45 PM on August 11, 2012 [18 favorites]


By far my favorite thing about Metafilter is that there are posts about, say, hyper-advanced physics that get thronged by intelligent, informed people who take the time to share their insights...and then, a great video of a dog stealing a cabbage. Love you guys!
posted by Zerowensboring at 1:45 PM on August 11, 2012 [11 favorites]


YES BRITTANIES WILL EAT ANYTHING JUST FOR SPORT (OR TO SPITE YOU)
posted by availablelight at 1:47 PM on August 11, 2012


oh man, the farty aftermath must have been appalling.
posted by elizardbits at 1:51 PM on August 11, 2012 [18 favorites]


Metafilter: the farty aftermath
posted by The Whelk at 1:52 PM on August 11, 2012 [11 favorites]


raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by puppy farts
posted by elizardbits at 1:55 PM on August 11, 2012 [17 favorites]


Allowing a dog to eat a cabbage is the act of a man born without a nose.
posted by HuronBob at 1:57 PM on August 11, 2012 [12 favorites]


My partner once baked a huge chocolate cake for a party and placed in on the kitchen table. The door bell rang so we went to answer it. Two seconds later we were back in the kitchen and the entire cake was gone. Not a crumb left... Our Border Collie x Belgian Shepard had scoffed the entire thing.
posted by greenhornet at 1:59 PM on August 11, 2012 [5 favorites]


I had a dog that did something like that with a ham.

So, there are edits and camera angle changes in this video. Does that mean someone was just sitting there, quietly allowing this fartiest of stinky flatulence-inducing events to occur while they recorded it on video?
posted by rmd1023 at 2:02 PM on August 11, 2012




raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by puppy farts

I heard they smell delicious, like roquefort cheese.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 2:05 PM on August 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


I like this animated GIF collage remix of the video.
posted by Nelson at 2:05 PM on August 11, 2012 [3 favorites]


*raises hand* though that's nothing to old dog farts. The dog's nickname was Boomer. He'd give a whimpery yelp and move to another room and you'd know the end was near. So to speak.
posted by ottergrrl at 2:14 PM on August 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


the ears
posted by facetious at 2:16 PM on August 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


SO FLOPSY
posted by elizardbits at 2:18 PM on August 11, 2012 [4 favorites]


The "s" was probably omitted by accident from the linked title of this video, but as it is, it makes me smile. DOG STEAL CABBAGE! It's as if shouted by a small child who thinks it is the funniest thing that has ever happened.

Maymo has also demonstrated that lemon beagles, like wolfhounds, are fierce opponents of the creatures they have been bred to fight.
posted by Countess Elena at 2:21 PM on August 11, 2012 [11 favorites]


10 bucks that a cat is behind this and the one holding the camera.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 2:36 PM on August 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


Does that mean someone was just sitting there, quietly allowing this fartiest of stinky flatulence-inducing events to occur while they recorded it on video?

The dog's Cabbage Hat at the end made me think it was the same owner who did the food on my dog tumblr. But it wasn't.
posted by rh at 2:36 PM on August 11, 2012


that lemon kicked some serious ass
posted by facetious at 2:37 PM on August 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


It's as if shouted by a small child who thinks it is the funniest thing that has ever happened.

Close enough.
posted by griphus at 2:39 PM on August 11, 2012 [3 favorites]


Creepy baby.
posted by Solomon at 2:40 PM on August 11, 2012


Get down from there cabbage you do not belong on that dog you are a vegetable.
posted by glhaynes at 2:43 PM on August 11, 2012 [3 favorites]


I am confused that "lemon beagle" is not just an adorable beagle in a lemon suit.
posted by elizardbits at 2:43 PM on August 11, 2012


The Cabbage Hat Of Shame is not working. That dog feels no shame.
posted by cmyk at 2:46 PM on August 11, 2012 [8 favorites]


It's as if shouted by a small child who thinks it is the funniest thing that has ever happened.

KITTY LOEV WAFEL
posted by elizardbits at 2:46 PM on August 11, 2012 [4 favorites]


Cabbage Snatch Dog
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:47 PM on August 11, 2012 [3 favorites]


Cute, but dog stealing cabbage doesn't have a patch on the Dog stealing sweet potato.
posted by namewithoutwords at 2:49 PM on August 11, 2012 [29 favorites]


Hm, I'm surprised at all the fart predictions. My dog has eaten cabbage like this but it never made him fart at all. I throw a cabbage head out for the chickens once in a while and he'll go to town on it if I'm not paying attention.

He does get ground raw vegetables as part of his normal food, though, so maybe he's immune.
posted by HotToddy at 2:49 PM on August 11, 2012


I thought the title might be a typo; you know, Dog's Teal Cabbage. But that cabbage wasn't blue-green at all.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:51 PM on August 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


This is the best thing I have seen all week, except maybe for that little Mars thing going on.
posted by Foosnark at 2:57 PM on August 11, 2012


I was surprised to see the dog actually eating the cabbage. My dog hates vegetables so much she used to leave a pile of peas beside her bowl when i wouls feed her the beneful soft food (that almost turned her into a pork rind until I switched to kibble).
posted by Mooski at 3:05 PM on August 11, 2012


My dog likes cabbage, but she only has steal-off-the-table levels of love for broccoli. We capitalized on that this spring when it was time to dig up the old broccoli plants, by teaching her to play broccoli tug of war. She'd play tug with the plants until they uprooted, then trot off with her prize to chew them up.
posted by drlith at 3:07 PM on August 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


"Dog stealing sweet potato" has made my life complete.

And maybe I write similar recaps of cat events in my home to my husband. MAYBE.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 3:15 PM on August 11, 2012 [4 favorites]


The dog's "I REGRET NOTHING" face at the end totally makes it.
posted by town of cats at 3:18 PM on August 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


The cat cabbage video is not as interesting. The cat jumps up on the table, delicately sniffs the cabbage from several angles whilst holding her tail straight up, then glowers directly into the video camera and silently says, "What the fuck do you take me for? Maybe you should try this with the dog." She then jumps down on the rug, gives a big yawn and a long stretch that shows all her claws, and goes to sleep. The dog eats anything he steals--all of it--except the mess on the floor and the bit he is too stupid to notice on top of his head. But the cat? Stealing is child's play for the cat. She eats only elusive, living prey, and even then only half, because she has demonstrated her skill, and can do it any time, anywhere. Besides, she wasn't hungry in the first place.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 3:44 PM on August 11, 2012 [4 favorites]


My cabbages!
posted by briank at 3:46 PM on August 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


Y'all are just setting me up, but....

Cute, but dog stealing cabbage doesn't have a patch on the dog stealing sweet potato.

It's good, really, really good. But neither holds up to the original, the infamous, the horrifying Dogs in Elk.

Previously, 2003 woot!
posted by vers at 3:48 PM on August 11, 2012 [15 favorites]


Beagles! Mine is able to somehow get past the baby gate at the bottom of the stairs no matter what way we fix it, or what we stack against it to block the way. Meanwhile our golden retriever just sits looking at it sadly. I wish I knew how to set up a camera to record the little escape artist.
posted by jamesonandwater at 3:51 PM on August 11, 2012


The Cabbage Hat bit made me a bit uncomfortable, like some super shaming/psychological torture punishment had taken place.
posted by sweetkid at 3:53 PM on August 11, 2012


It's a dog.
posted by Burhanistan at 4:05 PM on August 11, 2012


I wasn't serious.
posted by sweetkid at 4:10 PM on August 11, 2012 [5 favorites]


I just gave my dog a bite of cucumber. He loved it. Will report back on the consequences.
posted by moonmilk at 4:12 PM on August 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


My dog stole a chicken drumstick off of the grill last night. I did not raise her to be a thief!
posted by kamikazegopher at 4:17 PM on August 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


I've been feeding him raw green beans all afternoon too. So far, no side effects. (He's always loved beans.)
posted by moonmilk at 4:29 PM on August 11, 2012


My favourite part was when the dog tried to get the cabbage from the table to eat the cabbage.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 4:30 PM on August 11, 2012 [4 favorites]


Dogs don't, can't feel ashamed. Dogs don't get embarrassed. You can make a dog feel guilty, but never ashamed.

Cats, of course are the opposite: never guilty, occasionally embarrassed.
posted by bonehead at 4:34 PM on August 11, 2012 [7 favorites]


Never can be sure with this crowd.
posted by Burhanistan at 5:04 PM on August 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


*raises hand* though that's nothing to old dog farts. The dog's nickname was Boomer. He'd give a whimpery yelp and move to another room and you'd know the end was near. So to speak.
posted by ottergrrl


We have a bulldog who will outfart anything. What's amusing is the way he'll disgust himself with his own farts; if he farts somewhere, he'll leave the area. We refer to this as "the drive-by."
posted by azpenguin at 5:18 PM on August 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


Scene for a back yard:

Dog: * lick lick lick *

Me: Put that snail down! What are you, French?!
posted by DarlingBri at 5:31 PM on August 11, 2012 [4 favorites]


I could use a version of MeFi of just dog videos.
posted by braksandwich at 6:36 PM on August 11, 2012


That's the cutest thing I've seen in ages! I subscribed.
posted by désoeuvrée at 6:39 PM on August 11, 2012


I may or may not tell little stories about how things happened during the day as dialogues between myself and my dog.

Here is one about what happened when we went outside the other night. Backstory - she's injured with what I hope is just a wonky spinal disc.

Dog: "Boss. POSSUM. In the, in, in the thing."
Me: "Ow. What? Nope."
Dog: "But. POSSUM. OR A THING. IN THE --- THING THERE."
Me: "Injured reserve, missy."
Dog: "MY JOB IS TO DEFEND YOU FROM VERMIN. AND KICK YOU IN THE KIDNEYS WHILE YOU SLEEP. BUT MOSTLY THE VERMIN."
Me: "Not happening. You. Are. Injured."
Dog: "IT'S ONLY A FLESH WOUND."
Me: "It's pretty conclusively not, at this point."
Dog: "BUT. ANIMAL IN THE THE THE THE ANIMAL IN THE--"
Me: "No."
Dog: "ANIMAL IN THE VINES THAT IS AN ALERT OKAY LET ME DO MY JOB."
Me: "Long. Term. Injured. Reserve. Get back in the house."
Dog: "FINE. I AM LODGING A COMPLAINT."
Me: "To who, the cat?"
Cat: "Go fuck yourself."

....

Possums: *OURS IS AN EVIL LAUGH!*

Things like this are why I'm amazed I have friends.
posted by cmyk at 6:53 PM on August 11, 2012 [33 favorites]


Well, since braksandwich said that, I guess I should put these videos of my dog chewing things here:
* a carrot
* a bean
* a meat spiral
posted by moonmilk at 7:06 PM on August 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


Preliminary research indicates that Dog Steal Cabbage is more effective than therapeutic dosage of an SSRI in relieving anxiety, depression, psycho-spiritual malaise and generalized non-specific bummer disorder. Recommend further study and propose additional investigation into possible off-label synergistic effect of watching an assload more dog videos and 300 cc's oral sea salt dulche de leche gelato STAT.
posted by Divine_Wino at 7:47 PM on August 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


Dogs don't, can't feel ashamed. Dogs don't get embarrassed. You can make a dog feel guilty, but never ashamed.

You have never seen my dog get so angry about a dog outside that she falls off the arm of the couch while peering out the window! She refuses to make eye contact afterwards and has to go somewhere I can't see her for a minute or so, until she forgets what she was sulking about.
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 9:13 PM on August 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


if he farts somewhere, he'll leave the area. We refer to this as "the drive-by."


I believe the technical term is "cropdusting."
posted by louche mustachio at 9:14 PM on August 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


"It's because I have a cabbage on my head, isn't it?"
posted by ShutterBun at 9:25 PM on August 11, 2012 [3 favorites]


moonmilk, that is a beautiful dog you have.

I wonder how cabbage dog would take to low fat lamb jerky?
posted by madamjujujive at 9:35 PM on August 11, 2012


SAMSON
posted by griphus at 9:43 PM on August 11, 2012


Be careful with that chocolate cake, it will kill dogs. Not always, but I'm a little surprised an entire cake didn't have any effect.

I had a chocolate lab once--man, he could clear out in entire floor with his flatus. And not in a funny way: people would have extremely serious expressions--pain, disgust, horror--on their faces as they determinedly exited the area. If someone had fallen on the stairs they would have been trampled.
posted by maxwelton at 10:17 PM on August 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Yes, yes, encourage your animal friends to grab food off the kitchen table. What could possibly go wrong?
posted by Aquaman at 9:04 AM on August 12, 2012


Lemon beagle.

And that I why I will never own a beagle. That, and the wooooo wooooo woooooo.
posted by BlueHorse at 11:31 AM on August 12, 2012


As promised, the pomeranian cucumber update:

No effect!
posted by moonmilk at 11:41 AM on August 12, 2012


Dogs don't, can't feel ashamed. Dogs don't get embarrassed. You can make a dog feel guilty, but never ashamed.

Untrue. My dog once bounded up some stairs in a park she can usually take quickly, not accounting for the 8 inches of fresh powdery snow on the upper level she was trying to get to. She nosedived and slide about four feet and lifted up her head with a pile of snow on her nose and she DEFINITELY gave me a "... you didn't see that" look before pretending nothing had happened.
posted by olinerd at 1:31 PM on August 12, 2012


Came expecting something like Monkey Steals the Peach. Was not disappointed.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 2:14 PM on August 12, 2012


I once saw a puppy do this with half a baked chicken. By the time we caught her, it was much less than half a baked chicken.

This whole channel is amazing.
posted by a hat out of hell at 4:58 PM on August 12, 2012


This fall on Animal Planet: Dog vs. Grape
posted by ShutterBun at 5:15 PM on August 12, 2012


Some dogs feel embarrassment. Others don't.

One of my dogs was a Labrador-Chihuahua mix (no, really, NO, REALLY; he came from the pound, I assume the Chihuahua was the father, beyond that I have no idea; he was black and beagle sized) whose personality matched his breed mix. The Chihuahua side had this ridiculous Napoleon complex which urged him to do things like bark ferociously at horses or knock over the garbage bin BECAUSE I CAN THAT'S WHY, and then the Labrador side would kick in with OH WHAT HAVE I DONE and he'd be very, very, very embarrassed until I assured him that I still loved him.

My current dog, on the other hand, is a Boxer and thus incapable of feeling shame. Proof: Bee suits. Satisfying itches. And video: the treat seeking missile and singing with Elvis. Never a dull moment with this one around. When she got hurt I knew it was serious because she suddenly became docile and quiet.
posted by cmyk at 5:21 PM on August 12, 2012


Grapes and raisins are another food that will kill dogs; a friend lost his dog to raisins a few years ago. A single one is probably not going to do anything, but, jesus, people.
posted by maxwelton at 6:22 PM on August 12, 2012 [2 favorites]


Also garlic, onions.
posted by griphus at 7:18 PM on August 12, 2012


Grapes and raisins are foods that have killed a few dogs, but their toxicity is far from well understood, nor is it consistent among breeds or even individual dogs. Let a dog eat enough of ANYTHING and it's bound to find out the LD50 sooner or later.

Grape toxicity is thought to be about half an counce per pound of dog weight, so an average dog would have to be eating something like a pound of grapes. Obviously this is a bad idea.

Since most dogs have a hard enough time eating one single grape, I don't think we're exactly playing with fire here.
posted by ShutterBun at 7:48 PM on August 12, 2012


Oh fine, cmyk, you say you have photos of a boxer in a bee costume and then you give us a broken link. UNKIND, I say, UNKIND.

The dog's expression at about 0:11 made me snort with laughter and alarm the cat sitting next to me. She's now across the room with an annoyed look on her face. (Oh, wait; she's just asleep.)
posted by Lexica at 8:03 PM on August 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh, damnit. My bee suit for an edit button.

Bee suit.

And rolling.
posted by cmyk at 8:08 PM on August 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


Grape toxicity is thought to be about half an counce per pound of dog weight, so an average dog would have to be eating something like a pound of grapes. Obviously this is a bad idea.

Raisins are the real problem. They're sweet and a pound of grapes is probably an ounce of raisins. My friend's dog died after getting into the pantry and eating the equivalent of about four snack boxes of the treats. And super-sweet raised chocolate cake from a mix is probably the equivalent of grapes, but a small bar of dark chocolate is closer to the raisins.

There is no reason at all to feed dogs these foods, is the bottom line, especially if the sole reason is to put a video on youtube.
posted by maxwelton at 8:54 PM on August 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


OMG BEE SUIT. Seriously, is there anything on earth that would not be adorable in a bee suit? NO. THE ANSWER IS NO. Even Rush Limbaugh would be bearable in a bee suit.

with his mouth taped shut
posted by elizardbits at 7:32 AM on August 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


Even Rush Limbaugh would be bearable in a bee suit.

That image went straight into my brain, where it now lives.
posted by sweetkid at 7:37 AM on August 13, 2012


the tape is the important part
posted by elizardbits at 7:56 AM on August 13, 2012


Dogs don't, can't feel ashamed. Dogs don't get embarrassed. You can make a dog feel guilty, but never ashamed.

Have you never seen a dog in an e-collar, aka "cone of shame"?
posted by notashroom at 12:04 PM on August 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


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