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August 15, 2012 4:36 PM   Subscribe


 
I don't see " cigarettes, apples, and poorly chosen English lords" on there.
posted by The Whelk at 4:37 PM on August 15, 2012 [4 favorites]


Also Franzen looks like he's about to tell me theres no bodies cause he's eaten all the bodies.
posted by The Whelk at 4:39 PM on August 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh shit, my favorite author is Rabelais.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:44 PM on August 15, 2012 [6 favorites]


I'm more interested in what Metafilter's Own™ Favorite Authors think are notable recipes or preferred foods. Like MiguelCardoso, or jscalzi, or cstross.
posted by chimaera at 4:45 PM on August 15, 2012


OF COURSE Jonathan Franzen's pasta with kale is "handsome", "elegant", "private", "erotic", "virtuous", and "delicious". Of course it fucking is.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 4:45 PM on August 15, 2012 [16 favorites]


I'm more interested in what Metafilter's Own™ Favorite Authors think are notable recipes or preferred foods.

Never Fail Roast Duck
posted by The Whelk at 4:49 PM on August 15, 2012


*reads more (i.e. some) F. Scott Fitzgerald*
posted by Sys Rq at 4:54 PM on August 15, 2012


Oh man, I got all excited that maybe this would have been a link to my friend Fran Wilde's cooking the books series, which is an interview series featuring spec fic authors discussing food in their fiction & real lives.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 4:58 PM on August 15, 2012


But DFW didn't know food for shit; he ate his steaks well done. He had Downstate Illinois Syndrome. And how am I supposed to find out what Pynchon eats.

It's pretty neat that Elizabeth Bishop introduced brownies to Brazil. I have an unfinished thought about chicken and waffles -- traditional Virginia soul food -- involving Thomas Jefferson, who was given the first waffle iron in the colonies, and Sally Hemings, whose taste in fusion cuisine clearly exceeded her taste in men. I need a connection to the War of Roses and to 19th century German coal tar chemists and I can telephone James Burke.
posted by samofidelis at 5:03 PM on August 15, 2012 [6 favorites]


HOW to drink like the author you admire would be , well, more fun
posted by Postroad at 5:05 PM on August 15, 2012 [2 favorites]


And how am I supposed to find out what Pynchon eats.

one small cube of the finest hashish served in a windowless room lit by the light of explosions.
posted by The Whelk at 5:07 PM on August 15, 2012 [10 favorites]


To eat like HP Lovecraft, of course, requires:

1. A can of beans, possibly expired
2. 6 crackers
3. Ice cream, if you can manage some with your depleted finances.
4. Writing materials, to tell 7-12 pen pals about it.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:16 PM on August 15, 2012 [5 favorites]


How To Eat Your Favorite Authors is a totally different kind of book.
posted by The Whelk at 5:18 PM on August 15, 2012 [3 favorites]


I myself am such a wonderful writer and such a sensitive gourmand that I often eat my words.
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:20 PM on August 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


To eat like HP Lovecraft, of course, requires:

Please get any resulting abdominal pains checked.
posted by Artw at 5:24 PM on August 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


Kafka's dinner out: I would imagine that his restaurant dining would resemble the plot of The Castle, and of Bunuel's The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie. In other words, you'd probably want to have some cheese, crackers and wine at home for later.
posted by kozad at 5:24 PM on August 15, 2012


I've been using the Ayn Rand diet for a few months. I only eat foods that I've produced myself, with absolutely no help from anyone else. I'm proud to say that I've lost 50 pounds.

Though, really... I was only 150 pounds when I started.

Please help me. I'm hungry.
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:35 PM on August 15, 2012 [8 favorites]


If you want to eat like me, six cans of Coke Zero and a handful of Red Vines will do just fine.

Yes, I will be dead in five years.

ENJOY ME NOW, PEOPLE.
posted by jscalzi at 5:35 PM on August 15, 2012 [30 favorites]


I like to cook from Haruki Murakami novels. I would be very interested to know what he himself eats, since what his characters eat is often delicious.
posted by snorkmaiden at 5:35 PM on August 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'm grilling a pork lion with sweet corn and snow peas covered in butter while also talking about the drives and forces in the soy narrative, so you have that.
posted by The Whelk at 5:43 PM on August 15, 2012


pork lion

Yummy pork lion.

I prefer King David's Lamb Delight because when I chow down with the lambs and the lions I like the lambs. Basted.
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:52 PM on August 15, 2012 [2 favorites]


When I told a friend that Roger Zelazny died of stomach cancer, he said, "That's not very surprising. All his main characters had really unhealthy diets."
posted by BrashTech at 6:11 PM on August 15, 2012 [3 favorites]


See also: Reader, I Marinated It, for recipes in the words of Woolf, Chaucer, and Chandler. No points for guessing who this is:

"An hour and a half and a half-pint of bourbon later they weren't so tough and neither was I."
posted by thisclickableme at 6:15 PM on August 15, 2012


I'm gonna make Franzen's recipe and grate half a wheel of Parmesan over it, then put a picture of me eating it and loving it on Twitter with the hashtag #ScrewYouICanEatMyPastaHoweverIWantYouTwat.

I'm looking for candidates for a pithier hashtag.
posted by RakDaddy at 7:00 PM on August 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


How To Eat Your Favorite Authors is a totally different kind of book.

*Reads title again, carefully*

*Spits flecks of Franzen and kale onto monitor*

*Grabs bug-out bag*
posted by passerby at 7:05 PM on August 15, 2012


heh, beets.
posted by mullacc at 7:05 PM on August 15, 2012


If you want to eat like me, six cans of Coke Zero and a handful of Red Vines will do just fine.
Yes, I will be dead in five years.
ENJOY ME NOW, PEOPLE.

In that case, you'd better start writing quickly....
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:33 PM on August 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


I was going to say Murakami's menu would be something like:

Boil pasta, but not too long. Listen to jazz on vinyl. Or possibly classical music on the radio. Make a delicious, yet improbable sounding sauce based on whatever cans are in the pantry.

Don't forget an appetizer, no matter how simple. Perhaps mashed sardines with mustard on saltines. Or maybe a salad. Lettuce with cucumbers. Leave out the sad wilted tomato. This is important.

Sit to eat your meal. You are alone, though perhaps you thought you wouldn't, or shouldn't be. Drink a can of beer with dinner. Notice the music has changed while you were eating. With this realization, stand up, clear of both sets of plates, because she didn't come home for dinner after all. Change music to something more appropriate. Drink another beer while washing the dishes.

Notice it has gotten dark. Turn on the light, or don't. Continue drinking beer until there is a small collection of empties, although you don't feel drunk. Wait for the phone to ring, but be aware that it will not ring, or if it does, it will not be the person you are waiting for. Most likely it will be someone you've never met in waking life, or have at best a tangential third degree relationship with. They will say cryptic things that make little sense now, but later, you will understand what they meant, but most likely your realization will have come too late to be of any use.

Open another beer. Sit at the table. Wait.
posted by Ghidorah at 7:45 PM on August 15, 2012 [8 favorites]


I understand why I am so drawn to Fitzgerald now, anyway.
posted by padraigin at 8:04 PM on August 15, 2012


Women only eat dessert?
posted by maxwelton at 8:07 PM on August 15, 2012


Women only eat when men aren't looking. So if you're quick you can catch themfrozen, weeping angels style, laughing at salad.
posted by The Whelk at 8:36 PM on August 15, 2012 [5 favorites]




Most representative of the person: Franzen, Ginsberg. Except that I lose 2 points for betting with myself, upon seeing the title of Franzen's recipe, that it was going to be whole-wheat pasta. It wasn't. If you want to mourn for the state of American letters a bit, try picturing pasta with Franzen, graciously permitting you to grind some pepper over your wilted leaves, as opposed to Suitable for Summer Dinner with Ginsberg, with a table covered with spring onions! lettuce! radishes! and pink soup! When you stir the sour cream into it, it turns a color most people last saw on their Barbies.

Least representative of the person: Nabokov. Dude, I was at least expecting some truffles or mysterious unknown American mushrooms or something.
posted by ostro at 10:17 PM on August 15, 2012


To eat like HP Lovecraft, of course, requires:

1. A can of beans, possibly expired
2. 6 crackers
3. Ice cream, if you can manage some with your depleted finances.
4. Writing materials, to tell 7-12 pen pals about it.


I remember reading in a letter Lovecraft wrote (I believe to Robert E. Howard) that he liked eating doughnuts and cheese for breakfast.

Found it:

I’m not, however, a heavy eater—take only 2 meals per day, since my digestion raises hell if I try to eat oftener than once in 7 hours. In winter, when it’s too cold for me to go out much, I subsist largely on canned stuff. I always get my own breakfasts, anyway—doughnuts and cheese. I have financial economy in eating worked out to a fine art, and know the self-service lunch rooms where I can get the best bargains. I never spend more than $3.00 per week on food, and often not even nearly that.
H.P. Lovecraft to Robert E. Howard, 7 November 1932

Speaking of industrio-economic matters—let me assure you that a 2-or-3-dollar-a-week dietary programme need not involve even a particle of malnutrition of unpalatability if one but knew what to get and where to get it. The tin can and delicatessen conceal marvellous possibilities! Porridge? Mehercule! On the contrary, my tastes call for the most blisteringly high-seasoned materials conceivable, and for desserts as close to 100% C12H22O11 as possible. Indeed, of this latter commodity I never employ less than four teaspoons in an average cup of coffee. Favourite dinners—Italian spaghetti, chili con carne, Hungarian goulash (save when I can get white meat of turkey with highly-seasoned dressing).
H.P. Lovecraft to Mrs. Fritz Leiber, 20 December 1936

Here is the rest of that page detailing H.P.L.'s comestible preferences.
posted by Snyder at 11:19 PM on August 15, 2012 [3 favorites]


Pre-packaged sushi and a stimulant derm.

-William Gibson
posted by Splunge at 12:25 AM on August 16, 2012 [4 favorites]


ENJOY ME NOW, PEOPLE.

How... How exactly do you mean this?
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:37 AM on August 16, 2012 [3 favorites]


The Sartre Cookbook:
... Still working on the omelet. There have been stumbling blocks. I keep creating omelets one after another, like soldiers marching into the sea, but each one seems empty, hollow, like stone. I want to create an omelet that expresses the meaninglessness of existence, and instead they taste like cheese. I look at them on the plate, but they do not look back. Tried eating them with the lights off. It did not help. Malraux suggested paprika. ...
posted by Jahaza at 8:07 AM on August 16, 2012 [3 favorites]


I always hated Fitzgerald, but that Turkey Cocktail is delicious. Of course, I added gin. I add gin to everything, which probably explains my pleasant demeanor, and your attractiveness.
posted by doyouknowwhoIam? at 8:12 AM on August 16, 2012 [2 favorites]


C12H22O11 of course being sugar - Lovecraft was such a nerd.
posted by Artw at 8:20 AM on August 16, 2012


I'm going to try Rushdie's lamb korma recipe -- looks good to me!

And Hemingway suggests frying the trout in Crisco! Sign of the times I suppose.
posted by peacheater at 8:50 AM on August 16, 2012


As they say, it's better than spit.
posted by Splunge at 9:00 AM on August 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


I have gallstones. Got diagnosed two weeks ago and I can't eat any fat.
EVERYTHING WORTH EATING HAS FAT IN IT.*

*Except for salsa and baked potatoes and asparagus and artichoke hearts. It's been a wonderful excuse to eat huge amounts of asparagus. "I HAVE TO! MEDICAL REASONS""
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 1:03 PM on August 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


RakDaddy: "I'm gonna make Franzen's recipe and grate half a wheel of Parmesan over it, then put a picture of me eating it and loving it on Twitter with the hashtag #ScrewYouICanEatMyPastaHoweverIWantYouTwat.

I'm looking for candidates for a pithier hashtag.
"

#MyPastaMyWayYouMewlingQuim?
posted by Samizdata at 8:56 PM on August 16, 2012


Your pasta told me your whole plan.
posted by The Whelk at 9:01 PM on August 16, 2012


Sad, I didn't see Colette's "If I can't have too many truffles, I'll do without truffles." Also always amused about how in the Savoy Cocktail Book the essay on wine in the back appears to be by her.
posted by ifjuly at 3:07 PM on August 17, 2012


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