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August 22, 2012 11:57 AM   Subscribe

From The Nerdist - COPS: Skyrim
posted by yellowbinder (50 comments total) 25 users marked this as a favorite

 
Arrow to the knee.

just getting it out of the way early.
posted by Ad hominem at 12:06 PM on August 22, 2012 [2 favorites]


All your memes are belong to us.

(The Internet seems to have harshed on the Arrow to the Knee joke way faster than most other memes. Not sure why.)
posted by kmz at 12:09 PM on August 22, 2012 [2 favorites]


If anyone should be arrested it's the Dovahkiin. Dude's got a wealth of unregistered shouts, illegally acquired weapons, military-grade armor, and probably skooma. Also he may or may not hang out with daedra. Does that sound like a stand up citizen to you? Someone get a stakeout on that guy.
posted by pyrex at 12:13 PM on August 22, 2012 [1 favorite]


Almost all video game protagonists should be in prison for war crimes/genocide/mass murder, etc.
posted by kmz at 12:20 PM on August 22, 2012 [2 favorites]


Dude's got a wealth of unregistered shouts, illegally acquired weapons, military-grade armor, and probably skooma.

Hey, the constitution protects his right as a citizen to have those shouts for self-defense! The Emperpr just wants to take away your ability to protect yourself and your property! Skooma should be legal! GOOGLE ULFRIC STORMCLOAK!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:26 PM on August 22, 2012 [38 favorites]


(The Internet seems to have harshed on the Arrow to the Knee joke way faster than most other memes. Not sure why.)

Probably because the phrase being overused to the point of absurdity was foundational to the whole thing. There's less leeway before it gets completely tiresome.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 12:34 PM on August 22, 2012 [2 favorites]


Pfft might as well drink mammoth piss with how watered down skooma is today. You should've seen the shit we were drinking back in the Third Era.
posted by yellowbinder at 12:34 PM on August 22, 2012 [5 favorites]


I still maintain that the war on skooma is failed and is fundamentally racist. How many of our young khajiit languis in prison because of these unjust laws.

(The Internet seems to have harshed on the Arrow to the Knee joke way faster than most other memes. Not sure why.)


I think if someone ever writes a book on memes. Arrow to the knee will deserve a special chapter on just how fucking fast and wide a meme can spread. There was like 0 incubation period, I saw a "then I took an arrow to the knee" joke on /r/skyrim and the next day it is like everywhere. Comments to unrelated youtube cat videos like "i used to have a cat then I took an arrow to the knee". People were getting arrow tatoos on their knees within days, I shit you not here is image search for arrow knee tattoo. Within a week it had lost all connection to skyrim with people invoking the meme and then saying "wtf is skyrim" when asked how they liked skyrim.
posted by Ad hominem at 12:42 PM on August 22, 2012


I really enjoyed this video. But then I took... No I really liked it. Had no idea about the tattoos, thanks for that too.
posted by hypersloth at 12:47 PM on August 22, 2012


Well done!
posted by Foci for Analysis at 12:51 PM on August 22, 2012


If the Dovahkiin does it, it's not illegal.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:07 PM on August 22, 2012


Hey, the constitution protects his right as a citizen to have those shouts for self-defense! The Emperpr just wants to take away your ability to protect yourself and your property! Skooma should be legal!

Don't you dare to throw the constitution in my face! Depending on your region, the constitution allows for legally registered shouts. The Emperor, in his almighty wisdom, doesn't want to take your shout rights away. In fact, he's done more to promote shout rights than any Emperor before.

Skooma on the other hand is a blight on our society. How many families do you want to be destroyed by its use before you'll wake up? Sure you can drink a Healing potion to rid yourself of its evils, but how many people actually want to?

Khajiit are still the main cause, but their bodies have a natural way of rejecting addiction if they've used the drug too many times. The number of Khajiit in prison is only due to own their reluctance to ingest Healing potions; they have no one to blame but themselves.
posted by pyrex at 1:08 PM on August 22, 2012


When shouts are outlawed only outlaws will have shouts.
posted by dortmunder at 1:18 PM on August 22, 2012 [2 favorites]


Khajiit, Orsimer, and Talos-knows Argonians are no better under Ulfric Stormcloak's racist, nationalist movement than under the status-quo-preservation of the Empire. You blame the Khajiit for the skooma epidemic, but you don't stop for a moment to consider the circumstances they face outside of Elsweyr, where they get no respect or opportunity anywhere other than the Ratway.

Tell me what the Emperor plans to do to handle those issues. Tell me what the Stormcloaks plan to do about the ghettoization of Orcs into cavernous outposts, aside from tacitly supporting it. Tell me how the Argonians have any option other than backing the lesser of two evils.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:24 PM on August 22, 2012 [3 favorites]


I was fine until "Yes, but my badge is in my pocket."
posted by JaredSeth at 1:29 PM on August 22, 2012


If Ulfric wins I'm moving to Cyrodiil.
posted by yellowbinder at 1:35 PM on August 22, 2012 [3 favorites]


This is all an attempt to marginalize decent, clean Nord people. REVERSE RACISM!
posted by eoden at 1:45 PM on August 22, 2012 [1 favorite]


Reverse racism? Reverse racism?! Tell that to Argonians living in just outside of Windhelm and listen to the reaction you'll get from those horrible "reverse racists." Decent Nord people my ass.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:54 PM on August 22, 2012 [1 favorite]


Khajiit, Orsimer, and Talos-knows Argonians are no better under Ulfric Stormcloak's racist, nationalist movement than under the status-quo-preservation of the Empire. You blame the Khajiit for the skooma epidemic, but you don't stop for a moment to consider the circumstances they face outside of Elsweyr, where they get no respect or opportunity anywhere other than the Ratway.

Tell me what the Emperor plans to do to handle those issues. Tell me what the Stormcloaks plan to do about the ghettoization of Orcs into cavernous outposts, aside from tacitly supporting it. Tell me how the Argonians have any option other than backing the lesser of two evils.


Ulfric Stormcloak is nothing but an outlier. A rebel without a cause. All he wants is the removal of the Imperial rule, only to replace that rule with himself - a selfish, narcissistic cause. You think things will get better under his rule? If that's the case, you're delusional. The Emperor established a norm for a reason. It's simply the best of all worlds.

Moving on: indeed the Khajiit are prejudiced against, and I can only speak for the region of Skyrim. Surely they have major societal and culural contributions to make in regards to the rest of our glorious society. However, at the moment all they've contributed is skooma. And we simply can't have that. As mentioned before it rips families apart and is a general detriment to society. Nevermind the fact that it causes psychoses which can result in harm to innocent bystanders. I can only speak for the noble region of Skyrim, but that is simply not something we can accept. The Khajiit are a noble people, but this habit of theirs is simply unacceptable within the Empire.

Regarding Orcs: We tried to integrate them into our society but they displayed behavior that was simply unacceptable to our other citizens. Realizing this themselves, they chose to leave our cities and establish their own outposts. As citizens of Skyrim we weep for their choice to leave our commonwealth, but it is entirely within their rights to leave and choose to live within their communities by their own rules. We pray for their return.
posted by pyrex at 1:55 PM on August 22, 2012


(Check it out! How easy is it to be a conservative! Wooooo!)
posted by pyrex at 1:59 PM on August 22, 2012 [2 favorites]


Navelgazer, you're full of it. You know damn well those lizzers (YEAH I SAID THE L WORD. DEAL WITH IT, HIPPIE) don't belong in Skyrim. I want my country back!
posted by eoden at 2:02 PM on August 22, 2012 [1 favorite]


Is there any way we can build a gods-damned fence to keep the furballs and lizzers out?
posted by eoden at 2:03 PM on August 22, 2012


eoden, would you please save that kind of language for RedHold.com?

To be clear, I'm neither Argonian nor Khajiit nor Orsimer, and I don't claim to speak for any of them. I'm a Breton and Talos knows we've got our own civic problems back in High Rock. All I'm trying to say is that the so-called "Beast Races" and "Pariah Folk" need better representation and spokesmen in Skyrim, and really the Empire as a whole, than Quill-Weaver and Maiq the Liar. And allowing them this voice will do nothing to put the existence of a Nordic state in jeopardy.
posted by Navelgazer at 2:15 PM on August 22, 2012


A single tear drips down the face of a lone Forsworn.
posted by rahnefan at 2:28 PM on August 22, 2012 [2 favorites]


I've had it about up to my forelock with Breton carpetbagging ELITES telling me and mine how to live. Sure, it begins with "representation" for the beasties - and it ends with young Nords being marched off to WIZARD SCHOOL at THALMOR SPEARPOINT! You Brets may pretend to be pious Talists, but everyone knows you got MER blood in those weakly fluttering veins, and when the FUUS comes to the RO DAH, you'll throw us real humans under the cart for a place in the ALDMERI DUH-MINION.
posted by Your Disapproving Father at 2:41 PM on August 22, 2012 [3 favorites]


Well, at least you acknowledge Talos as one of the Nine. Unlike those people with their War on New Life Festival.
posted by eoden at 2:45 PM on August 22, 2012


Megadittoes, Your Disapproving Father.
posted by eoden at 2:45 PM on August 22, 2012


WTF are you even talking about?! Wizard school? Keep your gods-damned greatswords and battle-axes. What do I care?
posted by Navelgazer at 2:49 PM on August 22, 2012


Wow! This is just like every political comment on every website ever ... but *IN SKYRIM*!
posted by jpolchlopek at 2:50 PM on August 22, 2012


(I know we're just having fun here but the sad thing is I've seen people argue this kind of shit in earnest. Not to mention mods that do stuff like lighten main characters' skin colors.)
posted by kmz at 2:50 PM on August 22, 2012


(kmz: do you have a cite for that kind of thing that wouldn't be hideous to bring traffic to?)
posted by Navelgazer at 2:54 PM on August 22, 2012 [1 favorite]


Crap, the specific mod example I was thinking of was for Dragon Age, not Skyrim. It's described here. I remember seeing something similar for Skyrim, but not finding anything off the bat.
posted by kmz at 3:04 PM on August 22, 2012 [2 favorites]


The DA2 Isabela appearance mod is a bit greyer than it appears, since the DA1 version of Isabela had lighter skin and red hair. It's possible someone would want a more DA1 appearance and not be a creepy racist.
posted by squinty at 3:45 PM on August 22, 2012


Creepy racist is right out. Creepy sexist... still okay.

(Art imitates life?)
posted by LordSludge at 4:29 PM on August 22, 2012


I'm not saying Ulfric Stormcloak wasn't born in Skyrim. All I'm saying is that some people have raised legitimate questions about whether Ulfric Stormcloak was born in Skyrim or not.

And don't get me started on Ulfriccare. Skyrim has the best health care in all of Nirn. But once the government takes it over, you're going to see a whole lot of restoration mages retire because they won't be able to pay the bills anymore. So you're going to have to wait months for an appointment with a restoration mage -- just like those commies in High Rock -- and the only restoration mages who haven't retired will be so incompetent that once you finally do get to see one, their Heal Other will only heal twenty points. Thirty tops.

And that's the best it's going to be - it only gets worse in 4E 205, when the Destruction Panels kick in.
posted by Flunkie at 4:48 PM on August 22, 2012 [2 favorites]


Have you ever caught a case of arrow-knee in High Rock, Flunkie? You should be so lucky as to get such good care.
posted by Navelgazer at 5:19 PM on August 22, 2012


please, someone do this for Rift. Awesome.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 6:30 PM on August 22, 2012


This never would have happened in the First Era, those were the days.
posted by TwelveTwo at 6:38 PM on August 22, 2012




I shit you not here is image search for arrow knee tattoo

Most of those look like the same leg...thank god.
posted by adamdschneider at 8:24 PM on August 22, 2012


In all seriousness, though, the racism in Skyrim is maybe the most fascinating aspect of the world. In many ways, it's what the game is "about," and in reading the internet reaction to it, the biggest complaint is that the game doesn't do enough to discriminate against the player based on race, which is interesting. This is the blockbuster game of the past year, and people want to be able to experience discrimination within it. Want to understand racism better through it. And while the racism doesn't affect the Dovahkiin very much, it shapes the world around them.

Nords are swept up in nationalistic fervor, at least those following Ulfric Stormcloak. "Skyrim is for the Nords" is a common slogan.
Imperials are trying to maintain their hold over the province through violence, or at least the Empire is. Most people have trouble making that distinction.
Altmer are hated and feared by most because of the damage wrought by the Aldmeri Dominion, leading to the banning of Talos-Worship (the common Nord faith.) They still have the money and cultural influence and power to do what they want, though.
Bosmer, as the other part of the Aldmeri Dominion, are largely ignored, as everybody sees the Dominion as an Altmer force.
Dunmer have been nearly wiped-out by the eruption of Red Mountain and the subsequent attack by Argonians in retaliation for a millenium of slavery. Nobody really cares about their current situation, they only have any real numbers in Windhelm, and there they are confined to a ghetto called the "grey quarter."
Argonians are still second-class citizems, stuck doing dock work and not even permitted to live within Windhelm.
Khajiit are almost entirely kept out of the cities, relegated to thievery and shady traveling caravans. They are, like the Argonians, being ravaged by Skooma-addiction.
Orsimer have pulled together in strongholds, and are treated as outcasts just about anywhere else. They can travel more freely than Khajiit, but are shown hostility just about everywhere.
Redguards are treated with suspicion more than anything. Hammerfell has recently been ceded to the Aldmeri Dominion as part of the peace treaty, and as such their loyalties are unknown.

But the most interesting to me (if only because I've been playing as one more than any other race) are the Bretons. The Forsworn are Bretons, of a militant First Nations variety, and are violently hostile to everybody and a force to be reckoned with in Skyrim. But nobody seems to blame Bretons for that. Rather, Bretons seem to be just universally accepted and respected, to a degree. Elf-cultures see them as the most elven of Humans, man-races see them as the most human of elves, and the Orcs, Argonians and Khajiit don't view them as their oppressors (even though the Orcs would have some old-school reasons to do so.) They are basically the "Model Minority," and I just love that a game so steeped in racism was thoughtful enough to include that aspect.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:37 PM on August 22, 2012 [11 favorites]


I really think you shouldnt've had the ability to play as a Khajiit unless the game explained why you and only you are allowed to walk around freely and enter towns and talk to your betters and such.
posted by The Whelk at 9:00 PM on August 22, 2012 [3 favorites]


I really want a mod that lets you cultivate moon sugar and brew your own skooma. The city guards become hostile if you try to sell it in public. Naturally, the mod would also come with more hairstyles, including the bald option.

And J'zargo could follow you around and shout "bitch" all the time.
posted by a hat out of hell at 10:15 PM on August 22, 2012 [1 favorite]


Hey, the constitution protects his right as a citizen to have those shouts for self-defense! The Emperpr just wants to take away your ability to protect yourself and your property! Skooma should be legal! GOOGLE ULFRIC STORMCLOAK!

WHAT IS GOOGLE? LISTEN TO THE TRUE NORDIC BARDS SING OF ULFRIC STORMCLOAK!

Not the mainstream minstrels, you can't trust them. Down with the MSM, do not be to the lies as a woolly mammoth is kept by a giant!

Do not trust gold when you know it can be created by spells. Our currency must be based on uncraftable items! Ask the bard about the truth of whom lies behind the dragon strike on Helgen, but note well it is the Greybeards who profit! Read more in my pamphlet!
posted by jaduncan at 3:56 AM on August 23, 2012


The revolution is coming! Read The Turner Scrolls; you'll see.
posted by eoden at 6:19 AM on August 23, 2012


Imperials are trying to maintain their hold over the province through violence, or at least the Empire is. Most people have trouble making that distinction.

The Imperials' conduct is implied to be an effect of the conclusion of Oblivion, effectively answering the question of what happened to all the leftover Daedric weapons in the Imperial City following the big battle near the Temple of the One. In short, they were integrated into the Legion's arsenal, and as a number of the items were imbued with draining effects (stamina, health, magic), any non-Dremora wielding the items without proper wards ran the risk of being influenced by those very weapons. In Morrowind, Daedric weapons were more corporeal forms of bound weapons, but were still fashioned from conjured and bound (Daedric) souls - allowing the potential for the weapons to gain sentience, as in the cases of the Skull of Corruption and the Ebony Blade. A classic example could be found in General Tullius himself: after spending most of Skyrim ranting about sticking Ulfric's head on a pike as a trophy to be paraded in Cyrodil's streets, he seems drained and withdrawn after the Civil War ends in favor of the Empire. As if roused from a trance, he hands over his sword (a vampiric blade) and says he's had enough of killing for awhile.

Orsimer have pulled together in strongholds, and are treated as outcasts just about anywhere else. They can travel more freely than Khajiit, but are shown hostility just about everywhere.

This has been established in lore as part of religious disillusionment; The orcs had their own nation established at the end of Daggerfall, which gained recognition for its emphasis on amassing art, culture and wealth. Unfortunately, their king decided that since their ancestral diety (Trinimac) had been turned into a Daedroth (Malacanth), it was more respectful to worship Malacanth in his prior aspect. This was back when Trinimac still retained the physical form of an elf, but since then, his followers were transformed into orcs to reflect his current condition. A huge ruckus soon followed, with cultured orcs being stigmatized as "city-folk" or wannabe High Elves, and [SPOILER:] one of the King's daughters reduced to working as a mercenary, only to get killed during an expedition in one of Skyrim's Dwarven ruins.
posted by Smart Dalek at 8:05 AM on August 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


Cops also has a Star Wars edition.
posted by Evilspork at 8:21 AM on August 23, 2012


If y'all will excuse a bit of self-promo at this point in the thread: I'm giving away copies of my privately published incunabulum, Guile Me Twice: Elisif's Plans for the Fourth Era Exposed. It's all about how Elisif, if raised to High Queen at the next Moot, will institute representative democracy (and subsequently curb hold-level efforts to fight voter fraud), raise taxes*, strip out all mention of Ysgramor from the history books and give "equal time" to the Forsworn "perspective," impose burdensome regulations on mercenary employers and lumber mills, end the Dunmer immigration cap, work an unspeakable magic from the time of Potema to turn herself into a lich and every living Nord into her undead slave, and start a welfare program for Skyrim's beggars, when everyone knows that charity should be the private responsibility of wandering bravoes.

*Leading to an economic death spiral, as merchants will have even less cash on hand. See my previous privately published incunabulum, I Never Swore to Carry Those Burdens.
posted by Your Disapproving Father at 8:29 AM on August 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


Much more amusing than I thought it would be. The "I'm gonna send in the dog" part had me literally loling.
posted by chemoboy at 9:59 AM on August 23, 2012


Episode 2!
posted by yellowbinder at 11:02 AM on August 29, 2012


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