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A Macaque on the Loose in Tampa
August 23, 2012 8:05 AM   Subscribe

What’s a Monkey to Do in Tampa? [SLNYT]
posted by AwkwardPause (21 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
Previously (please delete if these posts are too similar)
posted by AwkwardPause at 8:07 AM on August 23, 2012


A monkey, a hurricane, and a [insert political party of choice person here] walk into a Convention Center ...
posted by tilde at 8:18 AM on August 23, 2012 [3 favorites]


I never want to live where monkeys can roam free. In places where this is the norm, they often get bold and clever (and sometimes nasty). Sort of like really smart squirrels that follow you around if they think you might have something they want.
posted by clvrmnky at 8:19 AM on August 23, 2012 [3 favorites]


I never want to live where monkeys can roam free. In places where this is the norm, they often get bold and clever (and sometimes nasty). Sort of like really smart squirrels that follow you around if they think you might have something they want.
posted by clvrmnky at 10:19 AM on August 23


I see you have an angle, but I am not sure what it is.
posted by louche mustachio at 8:22 AM on August 23, 2012 [5 favorites]


Guessing it was a raccoon, an F.W.C. lieutenant scaled a ladder and barked at it. The monkey urinated on him and disappeared.

Cheeky monkey!
posted by insert.witticism.here at 8:24 AM on August 23, 2012


I remember having a stare off with a monkey when I was on safari five years ago. The suite my sister and I had was open at the back where the sofa and coffee table was. It was also right next to a tree where the velvet faced monkeys liked to play.

So one morning I was sitting at the sofa with a cup of coffee and some cookies (which they brought to your room each morning in a heavy wooden box for something to eat and drink before you hit the trails not long after sunrise) when a monkey jumped onto the railing, stared at me, climbed down the floor and planted himself on the other side of the coffee table, standing on the floor, his paws on the table. We then stared at each other while he tried to decide if he'd be able to get away with stealing a cooking from out in front of me. He was bold one and jumped on the table and started reaching for one with his little paw until I went "No!" and wagged a finger at him. This staring and reaching routine went on for three or four rounds until he finally got bored and wandered off on to the veranda where I caught him having sexy time with a lady monkey a few minutes later. The worst bit was the way he twisted his head round mid-act and just grinned at me.

That being said, Monkeys are awesome.
posted by MrBear at 8:33 AM on August 23, 2012 [5 favorites]


The Republican strategists were deadlocked on crafting their POTUS campaign platform so they brought in a consultant, is all.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:34 AM on August 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


Synergy!
posted by Flunkie at 8:51 AM on August 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


I have been urinated on by an embarrassing number of monkeys. Just talking species - cotton topped tamarins, emperor tamarins, titi monkeys, owl monkeys, capuchin monkeys, sooty mangabeys, diana monkeys, and red colobus. Confirmed, anyway. There may have been others.

Urban monkeys can be seriously problematic, but they're a great testament to primate intelligence and ingenuity. A friend was in Entebbe, Uganda, and ran across a troop of urban monkeys who were missing various limbs, including one guy who had no legs (probably a result of electrocution) and walked on his front legs with his tail up for balance.

Florida is a pretty glorious habitat for monkeys, if they can manage to get there. Hot, humid, and if you get to the Everglades you're pretty much set. I've heard rumors that there is at least one orangutan there, but the Everglades' Cooperative Invasive Species Management Area lists vervet monkeys, rhesus macaques, and squirrel monkeys among the confirmed invasive species wandering around. And there's this 1993 article about a guy who hit a monkey near Port Everglades and was then threatened by five others. Monkeys. Often bad news!
posted by ChuraChura at 9:02 AM on August 23, 2012


A renegade monkey who pees on people who confront it, pulls out tranquilizer darts, and hitches rides on pickups, combined with a cheerleading urban population littered with conspiracy theories and down-home folk wisdom; this sounds like a flight of fancy from The Best Show on WFMU.
posted by Turkey Glue at 9:03 AM on August 23, 2012


But really, if we knew what was best for us we would kill every last one of those damned dirty monkeys and apes before it's too late.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:07 AM on August 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


"The monkey urinated on him and disappeared."

Best sentence I've read all week.
posted by notsnot at 9:18 AM on August 23, 2012


Monkeys are popping up everywhere in Florida; it's a regular ape-ocalypse!
posted by TedW at 9:19 AM on August 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


My theory is that the monkey escaped from a Hiaasen novel. Which, itself, was inspired by reality - after Andrew, whole troops of rhesus monkeys and/or macaques got loose in the wilds of Homestead and had a grand time. There still are some roaming around out there, I believe.

The Mystery Monkey gets the most attention, but it's hardly the worst invasive critter we have roaming around these parts. Most are escaped pets, or their offspring. Most of these escaped pet owners need to be bashed in the head with a shovel.

The large snakes - constrictors and pythons - everyone knows about. If you think they're only in the swamp, you are wrong. Not a month goes by without a story featuring a snake in a dumpster, a snake under someone's car, a snake lounging threateningly in some shrubbery.

Nile monitor lizards (which elicit the completely justifiable response of Jesus God Run Away) have gained ground in Sanibel and Captiva islands; probably on the mainland too. Those suckers are dangerous. Give me an alligator any day -- they're reasonably chill, all "Whatevs, primate, my species owned this swamp back when yours was eating ticks off its nestmates."

The alligators do get up to shenanigans, too. Can't let those monitors beat them. They go to school. They pop round for tea.

And there are the iguanas. This is my favorite, because it's so funny that you wouldn't think it's true. Ordinary green tree iguanas, the kind that are found in Central America, get on very well in South Florida. That is... most of the year, they do. Come winter, they have some problems with the temperature and often fall out of trees. Merry Christmas! It's raining iguanas!
posted by cmyk at 9:32 AM on August 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


Iguanas are also tree chicken, you know. I think Floridians just need to develop a taste for bushmeat.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:35 AM on August 23, 2012


I see you have an angle, but I am not sure what it is.
Indeed. Seems to be a fair amount of that in our short conversation.
posted by clvrmnky at 9:36 AM on August 23, 2012


I think Floridians just need to develop a taste for bushmeat.

You're not alone in thinking that.
posted by cmyk at 9:41 AM on August 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


Best sentence I've read all week.

Did you not read the sentence "I have been urinated on by an embarrassing number of monkeys." ?!! Because I certainly didn't wake up this morning thinking I'd read that.
posted by cashman at 10:17 AM on August 23, 2012


The troops [of wild monkeys] continued to grow until, in 1984, a forerunner to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission started trapping the animals, citing herpes among other risks.

ಠ_ಠ
posted by exogenous at 10:48 AM on August 23, 2012


Animal Planet: Where the wild things are...and where they're not.
posted by homunculus at 12:46 PM on August 23, 2012


Jungle Brawl
posted by homunculus at 12:48 PM on August 23, 2012


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