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"And beauty slandered with a bastard shame:"
August 28, 2012 5:25 AM   Subscribe

'Dark Lady' of Shakespeare's sonnets 'finally revealed to be London prostitute called Lucy Negro' [dailymail.co.uk] "New research claims The 'Dark Lady' of Shakespeare's sonnets was a notorious London prostitute named Lucy Negro or Black Luce - a dark-skinned madam who ran a licentious house in Clerkenwell."
posted by Fizz (94 comments total) 13 users marked this as a favorite

 
I think my favourite three words in all of English language are:

"New research claims...."
posted by Fizz at 5:28 AM on August 28, 2012 [19 favorites]


Wasn't it recently proved that the 'Dark Lady' was the Earl of Oxford in a black wig?
posted by betweenthebars at 5:32 AM on August 28, 2012 [18 favorites]


The Shakespeare scholars I follow on Twitter were all but making the sarcastic jacking-off gesture about this story yesterday.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 5:34 AM on August 28, 2012 [26 favorites]


Metafilter: making the sarcastic jacking-off gesture
posted by Fizz at 5:35 AM on August 28, 2012 [6 favorites]


The Shakespeare scholars I follow on Twitter

life in 2012 is sort of amazing, isn't it?
posted by theodolite at 5:36 AM on August 28, 2012 [68 favorites]


So who was the Dark Lady of Cher's song?
posted by TedW at 5:38 AM on August 28, 2012 [5 favorites]


This makes 22 year old me really disappointed.

What's next? Emily Dickinson's "Master" was actually a circuit-riding ponce who was really into flowers?
posted by R. Schlock at 5:38 AM on August 28, 2012 [2 favorites]


The stunning evidence appears to be that Shakespeare knew somebody who may have known somebody who knew her.
posted by kyrademon at 5:40 AM on August 28, 2012 [5 favorites]


The stunning evidence appears to be that Shakespeare knew somebody who may have known somebody who knew her.

Six degrees of Francis Bacon.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 5:41 AM on August 28, 2012 [94 favorites]


Who amongst us hasn't occasionally written a sonnet to a Clerkenwell prostitute?
posted by veedubya at 5:42 AM on August 28, 2012 [17 favorites]


So who was the Dark Lady of Cher's song?

Shakespeare. It's kind of a Dread Pirate Roberts thing.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 5:43 AM on August 28, 2012 [6 favorites]


On the basis of five minutes of NEW! Wikipedia research, I have determined that the 'Dark Lady' was actually a blue-tick Springer-Spaniel renowned among the Elizabethan dog-fanciers who are referred to in Sonnet #127: 'every tongue says beauty should look so.'
posted by anotherpanacea at 5:43 AM on August 28, 2012 [5 favorites]


The stunning evidence appears to be that Shakespeare knew somebody who may have known somebody who knew her.

TMZ: Early Modern Edition
posted by Fizz at 5:44 AM on August 28, 2012 [4 favorites]


This appears to have been well known nearly 30 years ago, and the idea that Shakespeare and Luce Morgan moved in the same circles is not new either.
posted by MuffinMan at 5:44 AM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


Rime of the Ancient Mariner?

"Ancient mariner"?

Alien.
posted by griphus at 5:46 AM on August 28, 2012


Horace Rumpole: what Shakespeare scholars do you follow on Twitter?
posted by honest knave at 5:50 AM on August 28, 2012


honest knave, I asked the same question and here you go:

@wynkenhimself
@DaintyBallerina
@literasyme
@adamghooks
@ProfShakespeare
posted by Fizz at 5:57 AM on August 28, 2012 [7 favorites]


Somebody just asked me the same question on MeMail. Here are the ones I can think of.
@wynkenhimself
@DaintyBallerina
@literasyme
@adamghooks
@ProfShakespeare

They mostly also have some interest in rare books or the history of the period, which is what I'm primarily interested in. I don't tend to follow the purely textual folks.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 5:58 AM on August 28, 2012 [9 favorites]


And now you know who just asked me on MeMail!
posted by Horace Rumpole at 5:58 AM on August 28, 2012 [5 favorites]


Wasn't it recently proved that the 'Dark Lady' was the Earl of Oxford in a black wig?

No, you've got that wrong. The Earl of Oxford wrote the sonnets, it was Shakspeare who liked to wear the black wig.

I get all my Shakespeare news from The Daily Mail.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:12 AM on August 28, 2012 [7 favorites]


Not only did he know people who lived there, but he may also have had his own relatives there.

Proof positive if I ever saw such a thing! A round of drinks for everyone!!
posted by xingcat at 6:13 AM on August 28, 2012


The idea that the Dark Lady was Luce Morgan/Lucy Parker/Black Luce appears to have originally been proposed by John Leslie Hotson (1897-1992), a scholar of Elizabethan literary puzzles. His New York Times obituary stated that "it was chiefly as a Shakespearian detective that Dr Hotson remained in the public eye, sometimes to the annoyance of rival scholars who discounted his theories."

His evidence, such as it was, appeared to be that:

1) A few words in relevant Shakespeare sonnets may very dubiously be taken to be plays on the name "Morgan" - e.g., "more than", "mortgag'd", "mourn".

2) A few passages from relevant Shakespeare sonnets may dubiously be taken as playing on the fact that "Lucia" means bright and St. Lucy plucked out her eyes because they aroused the sexual desires of her lover (although the actual names Lucia, Lucy, or Luce are never used.)

3) The few known details of her life story kind of sort of seem like they might fit with what a lot of people think the woman Shakespeare was writing about may have been like (a woman married to another man with some kind of disgrace associated with her).

4) "Black" Luce = "Dark" Lady = Score!

The "new evidence", uncovered by Dr. Duncan Salkeld, appears to be that:

5) Philip Henslowe, who knew Shakespeare, had some kind of business relationship with a guy called Gilbert East, who may or may not have been the same Gilbert East who ran a brothel in Clerkenwell and therefore LIKELY KNEW BLACK LUCE WHO RAN ANOTHER BROTHEL IN CLERKENWELL! (cue musical sting.)

6) Shakespeare probably had relatives living in that part of town.

Aaaaaaaand so clearly we've got a real smoking gun here with this one.
posted by kyrademon at 6:18 AM on August 28, 2012 [12 favorites]


So which bit of bacon wrote his plays then?
posted by MartinWisse at 6:22 AM on August 28, 2012


Can I jump in and mention Christopher Marlowe being stabbed (in the eye) to death in a bar fight. Usually it's at this point in forums/discussions of this type that someone mentions that. And it's ALWAYS bad ass. Oh and he was probably a spy.
posted by Fizz at 6:31 AM on August 28, 2012 [6 favorites]


Who amongst us hasn't occasionally written a sonnet to a Clerkenwell prostitute?

Pshaw! My missives to the lady of the evening are always written in villanelle form.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:34 AM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


show the sex tape or it didn't happen...
posted by incandissonance at 6:38 AM on August 28, 2012


Daily Mail in reporting research badly shocker.

Tomorrow's news: Shakespeare causes cancer;
Thursday's news: Shakespeare could depress house prices;
Friday's news: We're not racist, but did Othello have a work permit?
posted by jaduncan at 6:44 AM on August 28, 2012 [22 favorites]


This appears to have been well known nearly 30 years ago, and the idea that Shakespeare and Luce Morgan moved in the same circles is not new either.

It's hard to deliver scoops in a 400 year old field with so few primary documents.

But as John Updike observed, the academic mill, having ground all the wheat it can find, will grind chaff rather than shut down.
posted by Egg Shen at 6:47 AM on August 28, 2012 [2 favorites]


There's a little bit about Lucy in a recent BBC article: Britain's first black community in Elizabethan London.
posted by misteraitch at 6:52 AM on August 28, 2012


Marlowe: stabbed in the eye in a bar fight in Clarken-wait for it... Wait for it... Wait for it...




Depthford
posted by From Bklyn at 6:54 AM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


They mostly also have some interest in rare books or the history of the period, which is what I'm primarily interested in. I don't tend to follow the purely textual folks.

Just yesterday, I was feeling pretty down about the 21st century and the fact that I felt like I had no place in it. The fact that there are Shakespeare scholars on Twitter has improved my mood tremendously. This thread could not have been better timed.
posted by thivaia at 6:55 AM on August 28, 2012 [2 favorites]


> So which bit of bacon wrote his plays then?

Is there nothing Bacon can't do?
posted by jfuller at 6:55 AM on August 28, 2012 [3 favorites]


Just yesterday, I was feeling pretty down about the 21st century and the fact that I felt like I had no place in it. The fact that there are Shakespeare scholars on Twitter has improved my mood tremendously. This thread could not have been better timed.

If you are a member of a subculture of any kind, the internet should be the first thing you say thank you to in the morning. There are communities centred around *everything*.
posted by jaduncan at 6:59 AM on August 28, 2012 [2 favorites]


Is there a name in Acdemic circles for these Dane-Cooks-of-Scholars who, knowing that their work is unlikely to get any respect among their peers, just skip any sort of rigor and jump right to selling their theories to the lay-press who'll eat them up without asking too many questions? Because it seems like there should be a name for that.
posted by Navelgazer at 6:59 AM on August 28, 2012 [2 favorites]


Aliens.
posted by Artw at 7:02 AM on August 28, 2012 [2 favorites]




While several candidates have been put forward as the possible Dark Lady, a woman who is dark in complexion and eyes, musically inclined, unscrupulous and married, the most convincing women possessing these myriad qualities is Emilia Bassano Lanier. A fiery women with several connections to Shakespeare. See below for brief biography:

Emilia Bassano Lanier (1570-1654) was the mistress of theatrical patron Henry Carey, Lord Hunsdon, Shakespeare’s company patron. Emilia Bassano was the illegitimate daughter of a Jewish Italian musician from Venice named Baptista Bassano, and was a courtesan at the court of Queen Elizabeth. She had become the mistress of Henry Carey, Lord Hunsdon, when she was in her teens. In 1593 she became pregnant and was given some money and married to Alphonse Lanier, another court musician. The next year Hunsdon became the patron of Shakespeare's theatrical company, and it is possible that Emilia Lanier might have known Shakespeare through this connection. She might also have known the playwright through her husband's place in the world of court entertainment. The possibility that she was Shakespeare's Dark Lady rests chiefly on these connections, plus a description of her—by the astrologer, Simon Forman, with whom she may have had an affair as a witch-like 'incuba', a characterization thought to accord well with the poet's 'female evil [who can] corrupt [a] saint to be a devil' (Sonnet 144.5-7), Given that her father and son were musicians its often thought that she herself was well versed with music. Sonnet 128 refers tellingly to Shakespeare or the sonnet speaker watching longingly as his beloved plays the keys of an early piano “the virginals”.
posted by Postroad at 7:05 AM on August 28, 2012 [5 favorites]


This just all seems like A Whole Lot Regarding Insignificantness.
posted by Luminiferous Ether at 7:07 AM on August 28, 2012


Oh come on. A single Daily Mail link?
posted by clvrmnky at 7:08 AM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


But as John Updike observed, the academic mill, having ground all the wheat it can find, will grind chaff rather than shut down.

Not that tedious nonsense of this sort has much to do with the academic world. This sort of thing is kept alive in the media world and on endless conspiracy-theory style websites written by people with no academic training--like all the "Shakespeare was really (fill in the blank)" wackos.
posted by yoink at 7:08 AM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


Shakespeare was really __________.

1. A unicorn.
2. Oscar Wilde in disguise. (Time-travel is a thing, accept it.)
3. Francis Bacon
4. Actual bacon.
5. The Illuminati.
6. Neil Gaiman dressing up as Oscar Wilde in disguise.

Take your pick.
posted by Fizz at 7:13 AM on August 28, 2012 [8 favorites]


I am going to invent a time machine for the sole purpose of going back in time, resolving all Shakespeare questions, and shutting down the Shakespearean "new research" community.

Good link, but Shakespeare seems to bring out the crazy.
posted by Argyle at 7:17 AM on August 28, 2012


I like how all the links on the right side of this scholarly entry in the Guardian all lead to celebrity gossip stories.
posted by crunchland at 7:59 AM on August 28, 2012


I am going to invent a time machine for the sole purpose of going back in time, resolving all Shakespeare questions, and shutting down the Shakespearean "new research" community.

I know how this works out. You travel back in time - but there's a problem - your time machine is goosed.

So stuck in Elizabethan London, you start searching for this guy Shakespeare. No-one has heard of him. People think you're crazy, and they start calling you Shakespeare. You become ill, unused to the dirtiness of the place. Becoming more desperate and hell-bent on finding Shakespeare, you start to circulate memorable bits of his work to know to see if anyone recognises any of it.

These fly around London, and local writers expound and supplant these examples, eventually forming a body of work.

And eventually, dying in a gutter, you realise, screaming into the night: "NOOOOO! I AM SHAKESPEARE!!!!"
posted by TheAlarminglySwollenFinger at 8:00 AM on August 28, 2012 [20 favorites]


Nude tumblr please.
posted by quadog at 8:03 AM on August 28, 2012 [2 favorites]


The fact that there are Shakespeare scholars on Twitter has improved my mood tremendously.

DISCLAIMER: I'm sort of a Shakespeare scholar in that my PhD thesis involves Shakespeare, and I'm on Twitter (and my Twitter name has "Shakespeare" in it).

However, most of my Twitter content revolves around me griping about tourists, going on about how much I love London, and (on one memorable occasion) conspiring with Mrs. Example to somehow arrange for the next big hipster trend to be those powder-blue belted jumpsuits that you used to see on old men.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 8:13 AM on August 28, 2012 [2 favorites]


So stuck in Elizabethan London

That's your problem right there. You need to head up 55 miles the Thames to Marlowe.
posted by MuffinMan at 8:16 AM on August 28, 2012


Man, this post is bringing all the Shakespeare scholars to the yard.
posted by Sonny Jim at 8:21 AM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


And then it turns out there is a Shakespeare, but he goes by Jeff and has been searching irately for you because ever since you started yelling about Shakespeare this and William that you've been getting all his mail.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 8:22 AM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


It's hard to deliver scoops in a 400 year old field with so few primary documents.
I dunno, Egg Shen. There's a financial analyst and amateur Shakespeare-scholar from Chicago named Dave Kathman, who makes regular visits to archives in London, turning up new primary documents practically every time. He publishes the results of these excursions regularly. Just because it's a humanities field based on literature doesn't mean that there isn't a ton of surviving archival evidence out there waiting for someone with the time and patience to work through it.
posted by Sonny Jim at 8:35 AM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Dark Lady of DJ Food.
posted by Artw at 8:46 AM on August 28, 2012


(cue musical sting.)

I shall!
posted by grubi at 8:56 AM on August 28, 2012


The Shakespeare scholars I follow on Twitter were all but making the sarcastic jacking-off gesture about this story yesterday.

You mean there isn't already a Unicode code point for that?
posted by benito.strauss at 8:57 AM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


Six degrees of Francis Bacon.

Now you're just egging them on.
posted by yerfatma at 9:03 AM on August 28, 2012


Six degrees of Francis Bacon.

Now you're just egging them on.


I'd like to provide a toast to you both.
posted by grubi at 9:04 AM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


The odd thing about this is that it contradicts what Duncan Salkeld has previously written on the subject, in his article 'Black Luce and the 'curtizans' of Shakespeare's London' (pdf), where he argues convincingly that Black Luce was not the Dark Lady of the Sonnets:

It is not my intention to present in this article a 'revealed at last' solution to the Dark Lady puzzle, after the manner of Hotson .. Quite the reverse, I shall be confined to showing that, whoever the Dark Mistress was, she was not Black Luce ..

If it is possible to trace fragments of the lives of women who may have approximated to Greene's notion of 'our English curtizans', such traces provide the benefit only of saying who the Dark Lady was not. Beyond that, hers is a mystery that remains -- appropriately -- dark.


Salkeld is a careful and thoughtful scholar, and I'm looking forward to reading his book Shakespeare Among the Courtesans when it comes out in October. I don't suppose the Daily Mail story (stolen from yesterday's Independent, by the way) bears much resemblance to his actual views.
posted by verstegan at 9:05 AM on August 28, 2012 [2 favorites]


You mean there isn't already a Unicode code point for that?

You want the interrobang for these situations.



It is beautiful, being ?!/WTF in a single character. Many people have fonts that won't do it; further evidence that humanity is flawed.
posted by jaduncan at 9:05 AM on August 28, 2012


There's a financial analyst and amateur Shakespeare-scholar from Chicago named Dave Kathman

Kathman's (completely polite and scholarly) evisceration of the Stratfordian argument is a fun read. In particular he takes on Charlton Ogburn--who, more than anyone, is responsible for the contemporary popularity of this silly idea--and shows piece by piece the appalling failures of critical thinking that lead people to adopt these kinds of beliefs.

Not that it ever matters, of course. No one ever defeated a conspiracy theory by demonstrating that it has absolutely no supporting evidence. You can't reason someone out of a belief that they didn't reason their way into.
posted by yoink at 9:06 AM on August 28, 2012 [3 favorites]


Six degrees of Francis Bacon

now you're just egging them on

I'd like to provide a toast to you both

We need a break...fast!
posted by OHenryPacey at 9:19 AM on August 28, 2012


You can't reason someone out of a belief that they didn't reason their way into.

God I hope this is wrong. (And beyond hope, there's evidence!)
posted by anotherpanacea at 9:19 AM on August 28, 2012


Six degrees of Francis Bacon

now you're just egging them on

I'd like to provide a toast to you both

We need a break...fast!


Omelet you finish, but Shakespeare created some of the best written works of all time.
posted by grubi at 9:22 AM on August 28, 2012 [11 favorites]


Thank goodness we have the Daily Mail to crack this case! And they even have a photo of Geoffrey Rush to prove it!
posted by Catchfire at 9:27 AM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


So easy to belittle the arguments and what seems trivia of scholars, but in fact if one is engrossed in the Elizabethan era, and specifically, he poetry of the period, then coming to grips, though speculation, as to the identity etc of the Dark Lady of the sonnets is central concern in reading the sonnet sequence. Now Updike has dismissed such academic speculation as chafe etc, but then one can say the same things of all the gratuitous sex in his novels...So no need to call names. If you dislike the speculation, then simply read and enjoy the sonnets and move on.
posted by Postroad at 9:34 AM on August 28, 2012


Man, this post is bringing all the Shakespeare scholars to the yard.

My Shakespeare brings all the nerds to the yard
Quoth they, "It surpasseth thine"
Forsooth, it surpasseth thine
I could instruct thee,
but a fee must be levied perforce.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 9:36 AM on August 28, 2012 [28 favorites]


show the sex tape or it didn't happen...

There is no sex tape. Rather, it shall be performed sometime in the third act by a group of drunken boatmen, as an allegorical play within a play featuring the Doge of Venice, and entirely in rhyming couplets.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:42 AM on August 28, 2012 [3 favorites]


coming to grips, though speculation, as to the identity etc of the Dark Lady of the sonnets is central concern in reading the sonnet sequence.

No, not necessarily.
posted by octobersurprise at 9:48 AM on August 28, 2012



Six degrees of Francis Bacon.

Now you're just egging them on.

I'd like to provide a toast to you both


What a dog's breakfast this thread has become
posted by Chrischris at 9:51 AM on August 28, 2012


if one is engrossed in the Elizabethan era, and specifically, he poetry of the period, then coming to grips, though speculation, as to the identity etc of the Dark Lady of the sonnets is central concern in reading the sonnet sequence

I think "minor sideline which affords some enjoyable speculation but which every serious scholar understands will never be definitively settled" would be a more accurate summation. I would hazard a guess that inquiry into this matter represents less than 1% of scholarly writing about the sonnets.
posted by yoink at 9:55 AM on August 28, 2012


"coming to grips, though speculation"

My least favorite way to come to grips.
posted by grumblebee at 10:05 AM on August 28, 2012


Six degrees of Francis Bacon.

Now you're just egging them on.

I'd like to provide a toast to you both

What a dog's breakfast this thread has become


Who needs this attitude like someone's luncheon for your neck?
posted by grubi at 10:53 AM on August 28, 2012


(I may be trying too hard.)
posted by grubi at 10:53 AM on August 28, 2012


...if one is engrossed in the Elizabethan era, and specifically, he poetry of the period, then coming to grips, though speculation, as to the identity etc of the Dark Lady of the sonnets is central concern in reading the sonnet sequence.

Eh. Not really. So much Elizabethan poetry is written to or about a non-existent She, that I don't think it matters much who the Dark Lady actually was. Speculation about her identity is fun but pretty much Not Done in serious work.
posted by apricot at 11:21 AM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


There was a BBC movie in 2005 about this, with Indira Varma as Lucie:

A Waste of Shame: The Mystery of Shakespeare and His Sonnets
posted by homunculus at 11:24 AM on August 28, 2012


I thought it had already been well established that it was Martha Jones.
posted by Strange Interlude at 11:59 AM on August 28, 2012 [3 favorites]


And eventually, dying in a gutter, you realise, screaming into the night: "NOOOOO! I AM SHAKESPEARE!!!!"

But if he was a time paradox all along, how could he have produced/directed the plays he wrote? That's more than just passing around some papers.
posted by Apocryphon at 12:46 PM on August 28, 2012


That's where the Earl of Oxford comes in, obviously.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 12:53 PM on August 28, 2012


Top rated comment on the article page is by the author of the research...

"Thanks for the nice article but I do not claim the DL's identity to have been 'finally revealed'. Headlines may be eye-catching but not always the most reliable guide.

- Duncan Salkeld, Chichester, UK, 27/8/2012 9:20"


Daily Fail indeed.
posted by merocet at 2:29 PM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


Six degrees of Francis Bacon

now you're just egging them on

I'd like to provide a toast to you both

We need a break...fast!

Omelet you finish,.. etc.



Orange juice guys done yet?
posted by BlueHorse at 5:21 PM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


I was expecting her to actually be Bebe Buell.
posted by MattMangels at 7:20 PM on August 28, 2012


So can we move on to discussing Faul McCartney next?
posted by juiceCake at 8:27 PM on August 28, 2012


I love how literal this research sounds. The man who invented words when he needed new ones obviously would substitute 'Dark' for 'Black'.

classic.
posted by dreamling at 10:12 PM on August 28, 2012


There's a financial analyst and amateur Shakespeare-scholar from Chicago named Dave Kathman, who makes regular visits to archives in London, turning up new primary documents practically every time.


♫ Time-machine ♫
Or maybe he's just lucky. Or maybe all the other Shakespeare scholars are pants.

I myself came across the following fragment the other day...
At no time shalt thou be abjured,
nor shalt thou disappointed be,
nor shall I renege and so strand thee.
Thy tears shall never flow
for farewells I had utter'd,
neither for falsehoods that would wound thee.
It reminds me of something but I can't think what...
posted by aesop at 12:36 AM on August 29, 2012 [1 favorite]


One thing to bear in mind a propos the sonnets is that they give us a clear clue of the age of Shakespeare when he was writing. "That time of year thou mayst in me behold, / When yellow leaves or none or few do hang / Upon the boughs that shake against the cold, / Bare ruined choirs where late the sweet birds sang" are clearly the words of someone past his prime and probably middle aged. Considering that the sonnets are regarded as his earliest work, perhaps written in the late 1580s or early 1590s, we can get some idea of the maturity of the plays. All this is to say that the young "upstart Crow" "Shakespeare" was probably not the true author of the plays or the sonnets. I suspect that the true author was an elder associate of Anne Hathaway's family, well-educated and wealthy, who perhaps intervened to force the cad Shakespeare to do the decent thing when he got Anne Hathaway up the junction. As a rich man of Arden, the true author would have ridden the length and breadth of the country--and therefore I think the Dark Lady of the sonnets may have been his horse. "My mistress's eyes are nothing like the sun, / Coral is far more red than her lips red / If snow be white, why then her breasts are dunn, / If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head."
posted by Tarn at 11:03 AM on August 29, 2012


Six degrees of Francis Bacon

now you're just egging them on

I'd like to provide a toast to you both

We need a break...fast!

Omelet you finish,.. etc.

Orange juice guys done yet?


Some of these puns have been truly waffle.
posted by grubi at 11:04 AM on August 29, 2012


Imagine if they all came at once, though. You should feel lucky they were cerealized.
posted by griphus at 11:12 AM on August 29, 2012


We need a bran-new approach. We oat to be better than this. Lettuce take a break. We corn talk about this tomato.
posted by grubi at 11:20 AM on August 29, 2012


Can't we just deal with the meat of the argument?
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 11:30 AM on August 29, 2012


Like I carrot all what you think!
posted by grubi at 11:36 AM on August 29, 2012


You think I'm small potatoes or something?
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 11:37 AM on August 29, 2012


I've mustard as much strength as I can, but I'm eggsausted and I need to chili out for a while.
posted by grubi at 11:40 AM on August 29, 2012


Can nothing be done to a-meal-ior-ate this post?
posted by BlueHorse at 11:40 AM on August 29, 2012


I pancake anymore of this!
posted by grubi at 11:41 AM on August 29, 2012


Makes me wanna kale somebody.
posted by grubi at 11:42 AM on August 29, 2012


I need some real pizza mind.
posted by grubi at 11:44 AM on August 29, 2012


So stuck in Elizabethan London, you start searching for this guy Shakespeare.

Sounds like an amazing Connie Willis book.
posted by Evilspork at 3:45 PM on August 30, 2012


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