Comments on: Can I Drink This? (Nuclear Apocalypse Edition)

Can I Drink This? (Nuclear Apocalypse Edition)

Hobo — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 01:39:06 -0800

Having dealt with the pressing problem of what to do with all the bodies following a nuclear attack and looked into whether the bureaucracy would survive, Restricted Data moves on to the big question: Can Beer Survive A Nuclear Apocalypse?.

By: three blind mice

three blind mice — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 02:01:22 -0800

Spoiler: Even the bottles pretty near the test had a fairly high survival rate To paraphrase Ben Franklin "beer proves there is a God and that He wants us to be happy." Of course He would make certain a few bottles would survive the nuclear holocaust He has planned for us.

By: the quidnunc kid

the quidnunc kid — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 02:13:10 -0800

the nuclear holocaust He has planned for us My theology is a little shaky, but I thought God was the guy who suggested that we don't all kill one another, and we are the ones who built nuclear weapons so we could burn millions of our fellow-beings to death - ?

By: three blind mice

three blind mice — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 02:20:43 -0800

but I thought God was the guy who suggested Maybe some other God, I'm talking about the God who gave us beer and nuclear blast-proof bottles. You see? That's thinking.

By: sarastro

sarastro — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 02:42:01 -0800

When I imagine god, I imagine it as just another force of nature -- like gravity, gently pulling us towards a peaceful existence. It's as easy to build a machine that defies god as it is to build the machine that defies gravity long enough to drop it.

By: the quidnunc kid

the quidnunc kid — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 02:43:14 -0800

I'm talking about the God who gave us beer and nuclear blast-proof bottles Ah, that one - Dionysus, perhaps; no doubt Thoth is also credited (in the Nile-soaked lands) with the invention of beer. Cunning works of glass are presumably the objects of Hephaestus, the crippled smith of Olympus. I simply wish to know to whom I should dedicate my human sacrifices in post-apocalyptic times.

By: three blind mice

three blind mice — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 03:24:04 -0800

I simply wish to know to whom I should dedicate my human sacrifices in post-apocalyptic times. "To plan and organize for the disposal of the bodies of millions of civilians killed in an enemy nuclear attack is a grim business, even for those trained and accustomed to the work of mortuaries." Don't worry 'bout the Gods. There'll be more than enough human sacrifice for them all. Your meagre efforts would probably go unnoticed and you should probably avoid adding to the burden of clean-up. "...only the bottles closest to Ground Zero had much radioactivity, and even that was "well within the permissible limits for emergency use," which is to say, it won't hurt you in the short term. The liquid itself was somewhat shielded by the bottles of the containers which picked up some of the radioactivity." Bottom's up, baby. It's an emergency. Drink 'em up before the zombies come.

By: allkindsoftime

allkindsoftime — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 03:28:56 -0800

Hobo, man, you in Nairobi. I in Nairobi. infini also sometimes in Nairobi. what say we grab a beer and discuss the same?

By: allkindsoftime

allkindsoftime — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 03:30:49 -0800

I simply wish to know to whom I should dedicate my human sacrifices in post-apocalyptic times. Me. You can dedicate them to me. You all can. Puny humans.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 03:43:57 -0800

Beer? If I survive a nuclear exchange I might want something a smidge stronger. Preferably the kind of single malt I can't afford now. Looting would be okay, right? And drinking to dull the pain?

By: three blind mice

three blind mice — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 04:37:21 -0800

"bottles are small, and there's a lot of stuff in between them and the shockwave to dissipate it." Whiskey bottles are generally much bigger than beer bottles and not packed as well so the likelihood of a few surviving the blast would seem much lower. Also those fancy lead-wrap labels and corks could be a problem. Like the lowly cockroach, the lowly bottle of Bud is probably your best bet for post-apocalyptic libation.

By: Pope Guilty

Pope Guilty — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 04:58:17 -0800

If there's a God who made us, surely such a powerful being knew the consequences of his actions. You can't have omnipotence and shrug off responsibility. (I mean you can cheat by saying free will, and pretend that's a satisfying answer, but it's just a dodge.)

By: tommasz

tommasz — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 05:08:20 -0800

Mythbusters did a nuclear survival test with bugs. The weren't thinking big enough, obviously.

By: twoleftfeet

twoleftfeet — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 05:18:20 -0800

After the Apocalypse there will still be beer. But only until 2 AM, because we have standards.

By: the quidnunc kid

the quidnunc kid — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 05:22:41 -0800

Don't worry 'bout the Gods. There'll be more than enough human sacrifice for them all. Well, I take your point - that is quite true. Me. You can dedicate them to me. You all can. Oh great - now I'm confused again. This is just like the Gods, isn't it? "Hey Abraham, go kill your son, wait only kidding ha ha I'll kill mine instead, smell you later bro". Fucking time wasters.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 05:26:30 -0800

"...only the bottles closest to Ground Zero had much radioactivity, and even that was "well within the permissible limits for emergency use," which is to say, it won't hurt you in the short term. The liquid itself was somewhat shielded by the bottles of the containers which picked up some of the radioactivity." Well with enough Rad-X and Radaway on hand, sure.

By: scottatdrake

scottatdrake — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 05:52:41 -0800

Still better than Busch Ice.

By: Thorzdad

Thorzdad — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 06:06:14 -0800

There are a few microbrews that would probably launch a counterstrike.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 06:24:11 -0800

I've seen Threads. I've tasted Bud (both the US and Czech versions). Bud will not suffice.

By: item

item — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 06:37:22 -0800

The Day After was actually about a horrible hangover.

By: Kronos_to_Earth

Kronos_to_Earth — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 08:15:23 -0800

Splendid! There's a chance I'll still be able to find a MetaBeer!

By: Herodios

Herodios — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 09:25:34 -0800

I'm talking about the God who gave us beer and nuclear blast-proof bottles. Yeah, remember your scripture:

"Let he who has never been stoned cast the first sin." (MD. 20:20)

By: Twang

Twang — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 13:37:40 -0800

If the beer is going to survive, better make the bottles easier for the cockroaches to open.

By: mcrandello

mcrandello — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 19:30:35 -0800

Well with enough Rad-X and Radaway on hand, sure. posted by The Whelk at 8:26 AM on September 20 Oh now I'm gonna have to go check...no rads, and just like before the war, str and chr +1, int -1. Beats the hell outta toilet water.

By: danny the boy

danny the boy — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 21:20:29 -0800

patrolling the mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter

By: liza

liza — Fri, 21 Sep 2012 12:26:42 -0800

but... but... SELF-MADE MAN yadayadayada

By: Hactar

Hactar — Fri, 21 Sep 2012 14:49:35 -0800

mcrandello, what about the Irradiated Beer? 10 rads a bottle.