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George...Please no. Please.
September 20, 2012 9:01 AM   Subscribe

If you're an old school Star Wars fan, and your relationship status with its chief architect could best be described as "it's complicated," Andrew Bridgeman provides levity with his Facebook mockups. Embrace some catharsis, and feel the lighter side flowing through you.
posted by trackofalljades (42 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite

 
Copied directly from his real Facebook stream.
posted by blue_beetle at 9:15 AM on September 20, 2012


Ugg.
posted by humannaire at 9:16 AM on September 20, 2012


Somehow, when I read these, George's voice sounds exactly like Rick's cat, Louis.

I almost expected CAPS LOCK IS HOW I FEEL INSIDE.
posted by neilbert at 9:18 AM on September 20, 2012 [7 favorites]


blue_beetle, you're probably right. :P
posted by trackofalljades at 9:19 AM on September 20, 2012


At least George Lucas inspired my favorite bit from Spaced.
posted by Comrade_robot at 9:20 AM on September 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


"At least George Lucas inspired my favorite bit from Spaced"

From the YouTube comments
IT's BEEN 10 YEARS! and still hurts!!
posted by Blasdelb at 9:26 AM on September 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


Star Wars fans have dermatillomania of the soul, I swear.
posted by beaucoupkevin at 9:35 AM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Paul and Storm say it best.
posted by Iteki at 9:37 AM on September 20, 2012


Needs more funny.
posted by George Lucas at 9:41 AM on September 20, 2012 [4 favorites]


Needs more funny.

That's what Jar-Jar is for!
posted by yoink at 9:45 AM on September 20, 2012 [3 favorites]


"Just for that they're gonna be Jewish aliens" is my new catchphrase.
posted by griphus at 9:58 AM on September 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


HSF
posted by Aquaman at 10:01 AM on September 20, 2012


I actually just watched 4-6 and 1 again with the kids (their first time). 4-6 they kept asking to watch the rest (we had to split every movie into 2 or more nights) and after each was done, to watch the next. With 1, they didn't ask. They watched the movie, but I'm pretty sure none of them knew what was going on.

I haven't been able to get up the courage to watch 2 or 3 and not a single child has asked about them.
posted by DU at 10:32 AM on September 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


Oh yeah and the midochlorian thing. I remember the uproar about that and watching PM again really drove home just how dumb Lucas really is. It's not even a plot point! Just throws it out there. "Midichlorians count is high" and a million voices, suddenly unsilenced.

I never even liked SW that much to begin with and it cheesed me off.
posted by DU at 10:35 AM on September 20, 2012


I actually just watched 4-6 and 1 again with the kids (their first time). 4-6 they kept asking to watch the rest (we had to split every movie into 2 or more nights) and after each was done, to watch the next.

I've heard that doing it 2-6 works for kids. (Bonus, at the end they won't remember who Jar-Jar was.) Anyone have any thoughts?

Admittedly this won't help you, but I'm gonna be a father soon and I'm studying parenting books in order to learn from other people's mistakes.
posted by anotherpanacea at 10:55 AM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Dude created a massive universe and set of movies, comics, games, etc that have entranced a generation. Our thanks to him? "Fuck you George, you got old and uncreative."

I'm getting a little sick of hearing how guys like George Lucas or Thomas Edison were minor versions of Hitler. Geek culture gets a lot wrong.
posted by damn dirty ape at 10:55 AM on September 20, 2012 [6 favorites]


I'm not sure who but you is making Hitler comparisons, but Lucas refusal to release the cornerstone of this massive universe in the form that originally inspired all the other movies, comics, games, etc. that have entranced a generation is a huge "fuck you" to all the people who continue to make him successful.
posted by griphus at 11:10 AM on September 20, 2012 [3 favorites]


Dude created a massive universe and set of movies, comics, games, etc that have entranced a generation. Our thanks to him? "Fuck you George, you got old and uncreative."

I can live with the sucky prequels, but George, please stop messing with the first three! And even if you simply must keep adding explosions and photoshopping Hayden's head where it wasn't before, why not keep the original versions available, so all the fankids (myself included) can buy them? Why wouldn't you want to have all the various iterations on hand for multiple selling opportunities?
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 11:15 AM on September 20, 2012 [4 favorites]


Wasn't our thanks to him the entracement? Plus all the fan materials?

Becoming old and uncreative is one thing. Retroactively destroying the known-good stuff is another.
posted by DU at 11:17 AM on September 20, 2012 [3 favorites]


I might have been happier if it was Slimer.
posted by ckape at 11:41 AM on September 20, 2012


You guys know that the original versions of the original trilogy were eventually released on DVD, right? They're packaged with the "digitally enhanced" versions, but they're out there and have been for a while. You can stop moaning about having to keep a VCR around in order to watch the original Star Wars trilogy.
posted by asnider at 11:44 AM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


My son is into SW now but 4-6 remain his favorites (because Darth Vader duh). He was very upset when Vader threw the emperor into the pit because he always roots for the Dark Side. But he wants more! And us adults can't take too many viewings of 1-3.

We've managed to make it better by getting the Clone Wars animated DVDs and now reading him the "Heir of the Empire" comic books at bedtime. Definitely better stuff in those.

All the SW stuff around plus our new house has made me determined to do a Rifftrax SW Holiday Special party with a bottle of wine or six and excellent snacks, like I've always wanted to. Is that a tear, friend? Yes it is.
posted by emjaybee at 11:51 AM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


You guys know that the original versions of the original trilogy were eventually released on DVD, right?

Where my Blu Rays at.
posted by adamdschneider at 12:03 PM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


You guys know that the original versions of the original trilogy were eventually released on DVD, right? They're packaged with the "digitally enhanced" versions, but they're out there and have been for a while.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Now what am I going to bitch and moan about?

Where my Blu Rays at.

A new hope rises.
posted by yoink at 12:06 PM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]





I can live with the sucky prequels, but George, please stop messing with the first three! And even if you simply must keep adding explosions and photoshopping Hayden's head where it wasn't before, why not keep the original versions available, so all the fankids (myself included) can buy them? Why wouldn't you want to have all the various iterations on hand for multiple selling opportunities?



Pray I don't alter it any further
posted by Darth George Lucas at 12:08 PM on September 20, 2012 [7 favorites]


Too soon
posted by El Sabor Asiatico at 12:11 PM on September 20, 2012


DU: "I actually just watched 4-6 and 1 again with the kids (their first time). 4-6 they kept asking to watch the rest (we had to split every movie into 2 or more nights) and after each was done, to watch the next. With 1, they didn't ask. They watched the movie, but I'm pretty sure none of them knew what was going on.

I haven't been able to get up the courage to watch 2 or 3 and not a single child has asked about them.
"
Too late for you, but ... machete order.
posted by brokkr at 12:18 PM on September 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


The best order is 1, 4, 2, 5, 3, 6, with the clone wars sprinkled to taste in between 2 and 5.

(This order makes the most of the idea of visual motifs, and the orchestral nature of the tones and themes that are hit in the interplay of the stories, also heightens the "mysteries", and, with new viewers, or those suspending their knowledge of the stories, helps to make a long cohesive story, with long, but not too long between introductions and reveals).

The problem everyone has is that they got the "english translated aliens versions", it was done in '99 to let younger kids get into the new set of movies, but it really bothered people who can read.

When you take the ADR out from the aliens (JarJar, Gunguns, Trade Federation, Battle Droids), and only can hear the really cool (Ben Burt) sound design on their ('actual') alien voices... it is truly spectacular! Also, the subtitles on the non-ADR version is more subtle, as subtitles generally are. Jar Jar sounds like a (tastefully) autotuned wah-wah-ed duck, and it is awesome. Find these version and you are golden (and match up with the use of alien voices in the old people trilogy).
posted by infinite intimation at 12:35 PM on September 20, 2012


Where my Blu Rays at.

Right here.1

--

1: May not be official.
posted by asnider at 12:37 PM on September 20, 2012


TIL Fred Astaire is IMDB ID #1.
posted by furtive at 1:03 PM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Right here

Seen 'em, like 'em, still a work in progress as I understand it. Also, not physical discs, which are more convenient for me (weirdly).
posted by adamdschneider at 1:18 PM on September 20, 2012


Also, not physical discs, which are more convenient for me

Well, no, but they can be put onto physical media.
posted by asnider at 1:27 PM on September 20, 2012


You guys know that the original versions of the original trilogy were eventually released on DVD, right? They're packaged with the "digitally enhanced" versions, but they're out there and have been for a while.

If you're talking about the DVD special edition things that had discs for both the "enhanced" and "original" versions...

The "original" versions were non-anamorphic [meaning on a widescreen TV you get the double-letterbox effect] laserdisc transfers that looked like CRAP. I tried watching one and it was just not fun, especially comparing it to the current Blu-Ray versions (the changes in 4-6 don't bother me too much, but it would be nice to have a decent copy of the originals as well).
posted by wildcrdj at 2:35 PM on September 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


asnider and wildcrdj, just Google the word "despecialized" and all will be well. :)
posted by trackofalljades at 3:34 PM on September 20, 2012


I was kinda hoping for something more creative than the old "midichlorians and Jar Jar" stuff that got tiresome a decade ago.

The trouble at this point is this: no one is going to deny that there are problems with the prequels, or at the very least, they're not as good as the originals. But nerds can't do something halfway, so disappointment turns to anger, anger turns to hate, and hate, apparently, turns into a complete disconnect with reality.

Lucas has become an Obama-like figure of derangement to a whole whack of formerly rational individuals, who, like Obama's detractors, will believe any accusation or assertion, lest they risk being seen as "defending" someone they consider indefensible. Just a few of the howlers that have provoked their misplaced outrage:

E Online once reported that the concert tour, "Star Wars: A Musical Journey," would feature "stormtrooper kicklines and singing Wookiees," a claim one hopes was made sarcastically, that was nonetheless uncritically repeated ad infinitum. (Note that the original version of the linked article did not include any strikethroughs)

The director of the Lucas-produced 1994 comedy The Radioland Murders claimed (again, one hopes, sarcastically) that Lucas was buying the image rights to dead celebrities and planned to have "Orson Welles and Barbara Stanwyck alongside today's stars."

Close on the heels of that was actor Seth Rogen's claim that Lucas was a believer in the 2012 apocalypse and that he refused Rogen a seat on his space ark.

And those are just the one I have links for. In each of these instances and more, I'd see these reports and think, ha, funny joke...and then watch the internet lose its everlovin' mind. At this point, it's like trying to argue with that one Glenn Beck-listening relative who wants to spend Thanksgiving debating the finer points of long-form birth certificates; They've made up their minds, they've chosen irrationality, and all you can do is nod politely and look for an escape.

(And the sufferers of this "Lucas Derangement Syndrome" seem to have found their own Glenn Beck/Alex Jones/etc figure in a certain amateur filmmaker with a vendetta against Lucas and a fixation on pizza rolls. I eagerly await your assertions that you "don't agree with everything he says" but that he "makes a lot of good points.")

Again, if you want to have a serious discussion about things the prequels could have done better, I'm in. I fully agree that Lucas needs people around him like writer Lawrence Kasdan or producer Gary Kurtz, who can translate his wild ideas into a language we mere humans can comprehend - and, more importantly, can tell him when to rein it in. And I'll point you to some fan edits that address those issues with astonishing effectiveness.

Because can't we do a little better than "ha-ha, Jar-Jar, am I right?"
posted by mgrichmond at 4:00 PM on September 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


Less chastisement for sins I don't even remember committing, more pointing to fan edits, please.
posted by anotherpanacea at 4:38 PM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


anotherpanacea: look for the edits by "magnoliafan." Those are the most extensive and the most skillfully done. He's done episodes 1 (Balance Of The Force, in which the blockade is over the abolition of slavery and the trade federation are actually menacing rather than bumbling), and 2 (The Clone War, which is less extensive but reinstates the subplot about Padme sacrificing her personal life for her political career). There are rumors about an Episode 3 edit (the one that needs it the most, IMHO), but I haven't seen one yet.

I'd post an actual download link but I'm at work; you can find it at most torrent sites.
posted by mgrichmond at 4:47 PM on September 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


no one is going to deny that there are problems with the prequels, or at the very least, they're not as good as the originals.

I agree that there's a deranged Lucas hatred out there that is just silly (the whole "George Lucas raped my childhood" meme, for example). But oh my lord are those movies in a whole different class than "not as good as the originals." Ep 1, in particular, is just staggeringly, astonishingly bad. It's no reason to hate Lucas--I'm sure he'd have made a good movie if he had been able to do so, and it's pretty clear at this point that he's lost that ability--but, really, in the face of spectacular craptitude on the order of the prequels, the only healthy response is satire.
posted by yoink at 4:52 PM on September 20, 2012


I'm on record as enjoying The Phantom Menace at first. Enough that I was at the store the day it came out on video cassette. Despite its problems.
posted by Mezentian at 5:42 AM on September 21, 2012


I'm on record as enjoying The Phantom Menace at first.

Have you since grown to hate it?

Because, if so, I kind of feel the same way (except that I didn't rush out and buy it when it was released on video). I mean, I didn't think it was great, but I thought that it would probably have been a decent movie that would have been a lot more enjoyable if it didn't have the words "Star Wars" in the title. If it was just some random, standalone film, it might have been OK.

I have since re-watched it with an open mind (i.e., trying to enjoy it as just a piece of silly sci-fi/fantasy rather than as a canonical part of the Star Wars universe); it is truly a terrible movie. There are almost no redeeming qualities. The acting is wooden, the directing is awful, the dialogue is cheesy, and the plot is incredibly boring. Darth Maul is pretty cool, but that's about it.
posted by asnider at 8:06 AM on September 21, 2012


Last time I did a watch-through, I did a modified Machete Order with Tartakovsky's Clone Wars inserted between 2 and 3. It worked reasonably well.

(I haven't touched the newer CGI series yet, waiting for it to get finished out so I can hear people's reviews on the storyline as a whole, but from what I know of it through internet pop-culture osmosis, the later seasons' arc with Maul and his Brother may be hard to reconcile with the spirit of the Machete Order.)
posted by radwolf76 at 2:18 PM on September 21, 2012


I don't know if we really need to conduct yet another round of "prequels sucked/Lucas is senile" arguments, but I will say that not only does Star Wars need to go on hiatus, so do all the parodies, satires, and references (including, or especially, the upcoming "official" Star Wars parody show).

Mass/social media was always a good outlet for fans, but it's just all reached a point of oversaturation. Maybe keep Clone Wars around for a little while, but other than that, put the franchise on the shelf George, and let us miss it for a while.

"Star Wars Uncut" would've been a good ending point... Unless they plan on going through with the ESB version.
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 2:47 PM on September 21, 2012


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