A loaf of bread, a pot of marmite, and thou.

October 2, 2012 8:59 AM

"We have a man in the Marmite factory whose job it is to watch Marmite evaporate. Literally like watching paint dry" explained St.John cheerfully. How to make your own Marmite.
posted by unSane (47 comments total)

oh ... oh my. Now I just have to take up homebrewing.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 9:07 AM on October 2, 2012

I'll be in my bunk kitchen.
posted by padraigin at 9:11 AM on October 2, 2012

What about Bovril though.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 9:12 AM on October 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

This home-made Marmite admittedly tastes different, like something German and healthy in a tube

Perhaps she means the Swiss German Cenovis


The best substitute for Marmite is real beef Bovril though
posted by Bwithh at 9:14 AM on October 2, 2012

I particularly liked the fact that it takes ten days and at the end doesn't taste like Marmite.
posted by unSane at 9:15 AM on October 2, 2012 [3 favorites]

On an Aga

Of course. No one with a mere stove would even attempt such a thing.
posted by RogerB at 9:16 AM on October 2, 2012 [2 favorites]

As a red-blooded American, the only thing I can think of worse than Marmite is artisanal Marmite. Yuck!
posted by Cash4Lead at 9:17 AM on October 2, 2012 [3 favorites]

I saw a special edition Marmite in Sainsbury's at the weekend - it has, apparently, flecks of 24karat gold in it.

I once had the champagne Marmite - it was about 20p more than the regular, so I decided to give it a shot. It didn't taste like champagne. It tasted like almost-Marmite. The flavour of the yeast extract is so strong that you'd need something very powerfully-flavoured to get any kind of taste traction against the tsunami of umami gushing across one's tastebuds.
posted by mippy at 9:20 AM on October 2, 2012

My SO loves miso soup, so I don't get why he hates Marmite. Unless this is the flavour equivalent of me not being able to distinguish between the smell of jasmine flowers and the smell of honeysuckle, they taste THE SAME.
posted by mippy at 9:21 AM on October 2, 2012

Any Australians out there want to counter this with homemade Vegemite?
posted by TedW at 9:22 AM on October 2, 2012 [3 favorites]

As a red-blooded American, the only thing I can think of worse than Marmite is artisanal Marmite. Yuck!
posted by Cash4Lead at 9:17 AM on October 2 [+] [!]


You are spreading it too thickly. marmite should be spread in a tiny layer
posted by Bwithh at 9:22 AM on October 2, 2012 [2 favorites]

Mippy: you'd need something very powerfully-flavoured to get any kind of taste traction against the tsunami of umami gushing across one's tastebuds.

So, a Marmite Marmite.
posted by troika at 9:23 AM on October 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

Thinner than graphene for preference.
posted by biffa at 9:24 AM on October 2, 2012 [4 favorites]

I saw a special edition Marmite in Sainsbury's at the weekend - it has, apparently, flecks of 24karat gold in it.

This sounds good but if it's this it might only be "gold coloured" flakes
posted by Bwithh at 9:25 AM on October 2, 2012

How to make your own Marmite.

Shit into a tiny jar?
posted by Sys Rq at 9:31 AM on October 2, 2012 [6 favorites]

I had some limited edition Guinness Marmite once, which seemed like glorious brand synergy. However, it turns out that two rights can make a wrong.
posted by phl at 9:32 AM on October 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

Given how ridiculously expensive all the 'mites are in the US, I'm slightly tempted to give this a whirl. I've been debating if I should get this for ages.

The best substitute for Marmite is real beef Bovril though

I disagree! It would be Vegemite, followed by Promite, then maaaaaaybe Cenovis.

And Cheesybite for babies.

My SO loves miso soup, so I don't get why he hates Marmite. Unless this is the flavour equivalent of me not being able to distinguish between the smell of jasmine flowers and the smell of honeysuckle, they taste THE SAME.

I love both, but they taste very different to me. Marmite/Vegemite has a bitterness from the brewer's yeast, and that's probably why my partner dislikes Marmite/Vegemite but loves miso. Me, I love bitter, medicinal-tasting foods. I really do.
posted by peripathetic at 9:34 AM on October 2, 2012

However, it turns out that two rights can make a wrong.

I discovered that with bacon and chocolate funnel cake.
posted by jb at 9:35 AM on October 2, 2012

Man, I am totally (going to think about) trying this with my next batch of homebrew. Love the stuff. Mrs. gauche can't stand it, though, so I don't get it much. (I can, apparently, have marmite or mayonnaise in the kitchen at once without complaint, but never both.)
posted by gauche at 9:38 AM on October 2, 2012

If you thought bacon chocolate funnel cake was wrong, then stay away from the Voodoo bacon maple donut ale. Interestingly, while two wrongs don't make a right, three wrongs do: it makes delicious ice cream.
posted by troika at 9:39 AM on October 2, 2012

So, a Marmite Marmite.

Or an Anti-Marmite Marmite.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:45 AM on October 2, 2012

> Simmer at blood heat...

With a start like that, I'm disappointed the recipe did not end with sacrificing a goat (and then preparing a Mutton n' Marmite dish).
posted by Panjandrum at 9:52 AM on October 2, 2012

Shortly after I started working at the college, an Anglo-Jewish colleague of mine insisted that I had to try Marmite. For reasons of cultural enlightenment, or something. (He loved the stuff so much that for years, he imported it from England. Now, though, you can buy it at the local Wegmans.) So he served me some on matzoh.

Apparently, the pursed-up expression on my face was truly spectacular to behold. That day, my Anglophilia finally met its match.
posted by thomas j wise at 9:59 AM on October 2, 2012

Any Australians out there want to counter this with homemade Vegemite?

That's easy. Get a pot of marmite. Then, take all the salt in your house and blend your marmite and salt in a blender. Also, go to your neighbour's house - both sides - and borrow all of their salt. Mix that in in, too.

Spread on toast. Serve with a little salt sprinkled on top for authentic flavour.
posted by generichuman at 10:00 AM on October 2, 2012 [7 favorites]

About 15 years ago, I couldn't STAND Marmite. My then-boyfriend was not allowed to kiss me after eating it - he had to go brush his teeth in-between. I could barely be in the room when the jar was open.

Then his brother came back from a visit to Australia with Vegemite. It didn't smell as bad, so I gave it a try -- and I liked it. I ate a sandwich or two. Shortly after that, I gave Marmite a second chance - and it was like my taste buds had been replaced. I not only didn't hate Marmite, I quite liked it. I've liked it to this day.

Vegemite is the gateway drug to Marmite.
posted by jb at 10:16 AM on October 2, 2012 [5 favorites]

As a homebrewer I've contemplated trying to make vegemite/marmite out of the leftover yeast. So far we've just been composting it...
posted by jepler at 10:18 AM on October 2, 2012

That's easy. Get a pot of marmite. Then, take all the salt in your house and blend your marmite and salt in a blender. Also, go to your neighbour's house - both sides - and borrow all of their salt. Mix that in in, too.

Spread on toast. Serve with a little salt sprinkled on top for authentic flavour.

Marmite: 11% salt
Vegemite: 8.6% salt (supposedly reduced from 10%)
posted by zamboni at 10:48 AM on October 2, 2012 [2 favorites]

UK-NZ ties threatened by Marmite dispute
posted by Bwithh at 10:48 AM on October 2, 2012

Great post.

For more prepackaged & portable delivery systems for the Goo Of the Gods (these are the spliffs and autoinjectors of the marmite world), try Marmite Rice Cakes or more importantly Twiglets. 'Ow about some Marmite Crisps wiv your beer?

If you can't get twiglets, you can always make Twiglet Toast. Or buy Marmite chocolate!

For those of you whose umami sensors have burned out, and need MOAR, (like a savory spreadable salty speedball) Marmite XO is aged marmite with a slightly richer flavor.....this is for the connoisseur, and the lush and the marmite jar junkie, yes.


If you can't get ANY YEASTY YES, never fear! The salt-lust will pass! Curling up in a ball and rocking gently on the kitchen floor (while imagining all of that glutamate goodness caressing the tongues of the unenlightened hordes, noting too, that death will come to them as it does to you) will eventually, eventually, make the lust pass, and you can go back to whatever drab pablum you are shoveling in your impoverished pie-hole.

More in the Marmite FAQ.
posted by lalochezia at 11:27 AM on October 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

For those of you whose umami sensors have burned out, and need MOAR, (like a savory spreadable salty speedball) Marmite XO is aged marmite with a slightly richer flavor.....this is for the connoisseur, and the lush and the marmite jar junkie, yes.

And when that pales, there is a final resort - Gentleman's Relish, aka Patum Peperium.
posted by zamboni at 11:52 AM on October 2, 2012 [2 favorites]

Marmite: 11% salt
Vegemite: 8.6% salt (supposedly reduced from 10%)

As I understand it (and Bwithh's linked article alludes to this) the reason the British and Australians don't see eye-to-eye on which is the stronger is that many British have tasted Vegemite and found it to be less strong than Marmite (rightly so IMHO).

Australians however have tasted New Zealand Marmite and compared it with Vegemite and (quite rightly IMHO) concluded that Vegemite is the stronger. But it's not the same Marmite.

British Marmite is much stronger than the New Zealand Marmite. It's a different product and has been for nigh on 100 years. And therein lies the confusion. So let's put our differences aside and shake hands Australia. You're welcome and I forgive you.

From the FAQ linked earlier (listing first few ingredients):

British Marmite:

Yeast Extract
Salt
Vegetable Extract
Vitamin: Niacin

NZ Marmite:

Yeast
Sugar
Salt
Wheatgerm Extract

posted by NailsTheCat at 1:06 PM on October 2, 2012 [2 favorites]

Missed the edit window... I see the FAQ makes the same point I made.
posted by NailsTheCat at 1:12 PM on October 2, 2012

For those of you whose umami sensors have burned out, and need MOAR, (like a savory spreadable salty speedball) Marmite XO is aged marmite with a slightly richer flavor.....this is for the connoisseur, and the lush and the marmite jar junkie, yes.

And when that pales, there is a final resort - Gentleman's Relish, aka Patum Peperium.

Frabdjous day! Oh my tongue to be!
posted by lalochezia at 1:48 PM on October 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

Australians however have tasted New Zealand Marmite and compared it with Vegemite and (quite rightly IMHO) concluded that Vegemite is the stronger.

No it's not. Vegemite is sweeter (and less nice but that part's disputable, everyone I know that has tried both agrees about the sweeter thing).

You all know there's no more NZ marmite right? A few shops here and there may still have a few jars hidden away, a few consumers (like me) are still hoarding their ever dwindling jar in the cupboard, but none has been made since the Christchurch earthquake (November 2010) and Sanitarium's supplies have long since run out and they don't have a new factory yet so basically this post is just here to remind us and tease us that our precious black gold is lost. Not that I'm stressed out by this reminder or anything ...
posted by shelleycat at 1:51 PM on October 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

Marmite! Yum! I ate a whole teaspoon of Marmite last week. My mouth is still tingling. Can you get Marmite XO in the states? I've been dying to try it and all I can find is the run-of-the-mill stuff.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 2:13 PM on October 2, 2012

Marmite XO is aged marmite with a slightly richer flavor....

I found it not to be different -- or stronger -- enough to justify the extra cost. A bit of a gimmick.

For the best Marmite kick, you have to wait out until you reach the bottom of a big jar of regular Marmite; it always seems thicker and more concentrated down there to me.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 4:34 PM on October 2, 2012

So I prefer Marmite, but I like Vegemite just fine.

I recently played a prank on my inlaws, where we snuck into their house when they were out of town and I shortsheeted their bed. Super fun.

They thought they were returning the prank when they stopped by our house when we were gone, and left a pile of individual-serving Vegemite packets on my table--thinking that because WhateverMite is so disgusting to most Americans, we'd be horrified.

But the joke was on them, because now I have TravelMite! I can Mite whatever I want wherever I want to Mite it! And I don't have to share it, because guess what? My husband and kids find all varieties of Mite revolting!

But based on how people tend to respond when I wax poetic over the wonders of yeast spread (with gagging sounds and shudders), it would have been a real zinger of a trick to play on most folks.

And seriously I will be trying to homebrew some Marmite when my husband gets his next batch of beer up and running. SO EXCITEMITE!!!
posted by padraigin at 5:10 PM on October 2, 2012

Marmite on hot buttered toast is better than sex. It really is. Don't get me started on hot buttered Marmite sex. That shit is off the hook.
posted by Decani at 5:22 PM on October 2, 2012 [4 favorites]

NZ PM in Marmite shortage treason scandal
posted by Bwithh at 5:42 PM on October 2, 2012

A teaspoon of Marmite dissolved in a mug of hot water is the best drink when you are feeling a bit poorly. It's like consomme had a fight with miso, and this is their salted remains.

Also, releasing "Ma'amite" for the Queen's diamond jubilee was pure marketing genius.
posted by Hogshead at 5:46 PM on October 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

My first real job after graduating was working for a NZ company who made and packaged Bovril™. The instructions for making it were: Measure lumps of concentrated Bovril from UK, add water, mix, bottle, profit.

Of all the processed yeast extracts I've tried, Bovril is the one that tastes most like pitch.
posted by arzakh at 8:26 PM on October 2, 2012

Bovril is is generally not a yeast extract but a beef extract, although they switched to yeast in 2004 for a while. But it's now back to beef, although Australasia may still indeed have the yeasty stuff according to Wikipedia.
posted by unSane at 8:41 PM on October 2, 2012

Am so going to try to make.

Is there a decent quorn product sold in Canada? I've found some interesting Taiwanese TVP but I've never been able to find proper quorn.
posted by porpoise at 8:51 PM on October 2, 2012

Wait. How can something be "literally like"??
posted by Saxon Kane at 8:56 PM on October 2, 2012

As a North American, I have been mocked (mocked!) for my like of Marmite and scorned for my love (love!) of Vegemite. I tried some Vegemite, spread thinly on a buttered saltine cracker, once, long ago at a college get together. An Aussie brought it as her contribution to a potluck and no one would try her dish. I thought, "I like salty things" and holy cow...it was so good! Now, I find Marmite more often in Eugene, Oregon, for some reason, and fine and dandy as that is, it is not as good as Vegemite. No one, but a coworker form Perth, knows what in the hell I'm talking about. Sadness.....
posted by but no cigar at 8:58 PM on October 2, 2012

Marmite on hot buttered toast is better than sex.

Marmite on hot buttered toast and then placed under the broiler until it approximates lava is even better than better than sex.
posted by biscotti at 2:39 PM on October 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

A teaspoon of Marmite dissolved in a mug of hot water is the best drink when you are feeling a bit poorly.

I think you mean Bovril
posted by Bwithh at 9:59 PM on October 12, 2012