The Crying Competition

October 4, 2012 7:01 AM

The Crying Competition - A race to see which man can cry first.

(via Laughingsquid)

posted by Jofus (58 comments total)

THEY NEED THIS BOOK
posted by The Whelk at 7:04 AM on October 4, 2012 [4 favorites]

The Wholphins made them cry? I really don't want to be with them, thank you.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:12 AM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm such a softie I would fucking DOMINATE in this game.
posted by Jpfed at 7:17 AM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

I require 1 bottle of good red wine and either a black and white life insurance commercial or the "you fucked up and lost her dude" section of a romcom.
posted by nathancaswell at 7:18 AM on October 4, 2012 [3 favorites]

two words:

"old yeller"
posted by HuronBob at 7:20 AM on October 4, 2012

How to cry on cue - eHow - an hour long video on it maybe - or just load up anything from Jim Henson's funeral and because I love you I'm not linking to it.
posted by The Whelk at 7:21 AM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

John Boehner wins in a landslide!!!!

sorry, political cheap shot
posted by edgeways at 7:29 AM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

Dibs on the winner. Male tears are like an aphrodisiac to me.
posted by peacrow at 7:30 AM on October 4, 2012 [4 favorites]

EVERY TEARDROP IS PRECIOUS TO ME
posted by The Whelk at 7:32 AM on October 4, 2012

Go pick me out a winner, Bobby.
posted by ob1quixote at 7:32 AM on October 4, 2012

This whole stunt is just a way to gather ingredients for some kind of creepy magic potion, isn't it?
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:39 AM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

I have protocols for dealing with a crying woman.

If there is a crying man, I give up and just leave him the hell alone.
posted by Hollywood Upstairs Medical College at 7:41 AM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

HuronBob: ""old yeller""

Fry's dog.
posted by schmod at 8:00 AM on October 4, 2012 [5 favorites]

Getting me to cry is nigh-impossible, due to culture, upbringing, general history, etc. But I found a new trigger that works for me: the ultra-macho manly-man movie Warrior, specifically the scene where Joel Edgerton and Nick Nolte argue on Edgerton's front lawn. Parallels between those two characters and my family history are few, but where they apply they are all too accurate, and they apply to parts of me I prefer left alone.

That a cliched and manipulative sports movie can get me into a blubbering heap is embarrassing as shit.

The only other movie that gets me is The Grapes of Wrath, the truck stop scene. That one always does it. Compassion and dignity arising in trying circumstances, when people who have no reason to be kind are extraordinarily kind to strangers, that'll wring a few tears. If you haven't seen the movie, do.
posted by Harvey Jerkwater at 8:01 AM on October 4, 2012

schmod: Fry's dog.

That's a channel changer for me. Won't even watch the beginning.
posted by ob1quixote at 8:02 AM on October 4, 2012 [2 favorites]

Dear Zachary made my 20 year old son cry. (Very unusual for him—he hasn't shed a tear in front of me since junior high.)
posted by she's not there at 8:05 AM on October 4, 2012

Interviewer: "Miss Davis, how do you make yourself cry for the camera?"
Bette Davis: "Oh, I just pull a hair out of my nose."
posted by jfuller at 8:06 AM on October 4, 2012 [2 favorites]

Just reading the words "Fry's Dog" made tears start into my eyes. I am not a man, however.
posted by Francolin at 8:06 AM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

They need to smuggle in this picture.
posted by MuffinMan at 8:07 AM on October 4, 2012

I watched 50/50 on a plane last month. Somebody leaned over to me and asked "Is everything all right?"
posted by schmod at 8:12 AM on October 4, 2012 [3 favorites]

Also, it's long been an aphorism of mine, "Never trust any man who doesn't cry at the end of It's a Wonderful Life."
posted by ob1quixote at 8:17 AM on October 4, 2012

I'm at work, in an empty office, and I got a drop on the keyboard in 03:54 minutes.

I think this idea for a competition is really cool in a way I don't think the filmakers really got around to appreciating. From an early age we are all told that men don't cry, shouldn't cry, are weak for crying, are gay for crying, are unattractive for crying, are foolish for crying, are feminine - like thats a bad thing - for crying, are childish for crying, or are just irrational for crying. That is bullshit, crying is awesome (crying with someone is that much more awesome), and it is profoundly sad that so many men are being denied this basic facet of what it means to be human and connected.

I know my day already looks brighter for having let myself cry, even if it was just for a moment, and I'm really glad for it.
posted by Blasdelb at 8:18 AM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

Just read the end of this book.
posted by Imperfect at 8:18 AM on October 4, 2012 [2 favorites]

How to get me to cry - link to a video on Vimeo.
posted by cashman at 8:22 AM on October 4, 2012

Also, it's long been an aphorism of mine, "Never trust any man who doesn't cry at the end of It's a Wonderful Life."

“One must have a heart of stone to read the death of little Nell without laughing.”
posted by MuffinMan at 8:24 AM on October 4, 2012 [3 favorites]

I'll meet your Fry's Dog and raise you a Bo.
posted by HuronBob at 8:25 AM on October 4, 2012

Stop saying Ryfays ogday!
posted by BeeDo at 8:33 AM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

I knew my husband was going to be my husband when he teared up at the end of Lilo & Stitch. "This is my family. It is little. And broken. But still good. Yeah, still good." It gets us both every. single. time.

Also, one of my favorite conversations on the New York City subway was when one guy tried to explain the plot of Iron Giant to his male friend and the first dude started getting audibly choked up.
posted by zoomorphic at 8:51 AM on October 4, 2012 [2 favorites]

These Cold Fingers
posted by JeffL at 8:57 AM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

The plumbers should show up in any moment so I am leaving this post now!
posted by samelborp at 9:08 AM on October 4, 2012

I am a lady who cries at everything (it's a burden), but Frye's dog just makes me roll my eyes. All "pet" things do, and I love animals. I have no idea why that trope brings out my jaded, cynical side. My biggest cry trigger is Dear Sugar... oh the headaches I've suffered after reading that column.
posted by peacrow at 9:10 AM on October 4, 2012

Most songs on Queen's Innuendo. Miss you Freddie.
posted by Existential Dread at 9:11 AM on October 4, 2012

The crème de la crème: Sarah McLachlan for the ASPCA "Angel".
posted by ob1quixote at 9:28 AM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

Crying Men by Sam Taylor-Wood

The one of Daniel Craig is particularly lovely.
posted by milk white peacock at 9:36 AM on October 4, 2012 [2 favorites]

The one of Daniel Craig is particularly lovely.

Dear lord, yes.
posted by thivaia at 9:45 AM on October 4, 2012

zoomorphic: The end of Iron Giant and the opening segment of "Up" both get me every time.
posted by rusty at 9:57 AM on October 4, 2012

"Flowers for Algernon." I am 39 and just thinking about it DESTROYS me.

Also: anything else.

(ok, not quite, but many things trigger tears for me--mostly dance, particularly groups of people choreographed together [Ballet, Modern, Irish Step] . . . I couldn't breathe through most of Riverdance when I saw it in the 90s . . . certain artworks . . . basically anything that triggers my sublimity reflex causes tears).
posted by exlotuseater at 10:41 AM on October 4, 2012

The finale of last season's Homeland (and much of the rest of the episode).
posted by exlotuseater at 10:43 AM on October 4, 2012

That entire Princess Bride thread.
posted by blurker at 10:48 AM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

Question: I'm not a huge Futurama fan, so is the Fry's Dog thing a reference to Hachi: A Dog's Tale?

NB: Do not want above mentioned movie if dog movies make you cry. My wife was a wreck for about 2 hours afterward.
posted by kuanes at 11:16 AM on October 4, 2012

I know all there is to know about the crying competition.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:22 AM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

Just reading the words "Fry's Dog" made tears start into my eyes. I am not a man, however.

I am a man. Therefore, reading the words "Fry's Dog" made me think "fuck you, schmod" and then start to tear up.
posted by The Bellman at 11:24 AM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

Thanks to MetaFilter I get weepy when I read the word "Fry's Dog", and I've never even seen that episode.
posted by usonian at 11:52 AM on October 4, 2012

No one makes a grown man cry like Vin Diesel.
posted by BeeDo at 12:03 PM on October 4, 2012

Kiwi makes me cry. (Should I be embarrassed by this?)
posted by she's not there at 1:05 PM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

That is bullshit, crying is awesome (crying with someone is that much more awesome), and it is profoundly sad that so many men are being denied this basic facet of what it means to be human and connected.

Yesterday, after feeling a special shade of awful for a few days straight, I finally wrote something to a friend that cracked something inside me and I just bawled for a while. And it's not like I'm the type to hide my feelings, and it's really not that hard to make me tear up in various ways. But I obviously really needed that, and it brought some much needed relief from the knot that keeps rewinding itself in my chest. For a while, at least. And that's really all you can ask for.

Afterwards, I gave some thought to how awful it must be to feel that having those emotions is weak, or wrong, or something to be ashamed of. The thing I'm sad about is sad. It just is. There's no way around it, and pretending otherwise isn't going to help anyone.

But that's exactly what so many people do. And that's sad, too. I can't fathom what it does to them.
posted by flaterik at 2:39 PM on October 4, 2012

Maybe they should included a few Detroit Lion's fans?
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 5:15 PM on October 4, 2012

I don't agree with the premise that society won't let men cry. Here on the internet, everyone loves to tell you how much they cry. Sentimental cartoons and stories about pets make manly men cry on the internet, and if you don't, you're a liar and/or a heartless robot and/or you've been indoctrinated by our culture to push the feelings deep down inside.

On sitcoms, a crying man is a cliche aww shucks moment, like a biker giving out toys at Christmas.

I haven't cried in almost 20 years. I haven't had occasion to need or want to. If I did it would be because something happened to one of my loved ones. I'm not covering it up, I've just been lucky in life.

I say cry or don't cry, but don't judge people who will or won't cry about different things than you.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 5:32 PM on October 4, 2012

Also, it's long been an aphorism of mine, "Never trust any man who doesn't cry at the end of It's a Wonderful Life."

Tears of rage at the anti-librarian sentiments!
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:37 PM on October 4, 2012 [2 favorites]

"Society" is multi-faceted, even just within the US. Some facets do actively discourage it. I grew up in North Dakota, you're not going to convince me otherwise. If things don't drive people to emotion, so be it. But I think it's sad if they restrain themselves from it, even in private, because of a conception of what manliness is.
posted by flaterik at 5:38 PM on October 4, 2012

My fiancée's soft spot: The Land Before Time
posted by exlotuseater at 6:05 PM on October 4, 2012

I don't see this crying thing as any pro-man or pro-masculinity thing. I don't recall ever being forced not to cry or been told the cliche "real men don't cry" bit.

It's like Jerry Seinfeld said: "I'm open, there's just nothing in there."
posted by AndrewKemendo at 7:33 PM on October 4, 2012

/puts arm around AndrewKemendo
/puts on Bright Eyes

Come on, mate. Let it out.

/starts blubbering at 32 seconds
posted by obiwanwasabi at 1:23 AM on October 5, 2012

"Never trust any man who doesn't cry at the end of It's a Wonderful Life."

What, even after having seen the thing umpteen zillion times? Especially back in the day when it was still in the public domain and TV stations would play it almost continuously, the way they do with A Christmas Story these days? It's like they were working off of a desensitization manual, relentlessly piling it on top of all the other baggage that people have for that holiday. (Plus, in my case, a certain amount of resentment that in the alternate universe the horrible fate revealed for George's wife is that, onoes, she's a librarian.)

But I've got tons of other stuff that make me tear up. Fry's dog, my god, yes. "We few, we happy few, we band of brothers." Tons of songs. I'm just a big crybaby, really, looking for an excuse.
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:40 AM on October 5, 2012

You cannot mention The Fox and the Hound to my husband. You cannot, and will not. You monster.
posted by pajamazon at 7:20 AM on October 5, 2012

Halloween Jack: What, even after having seen the thing umpteen zillion times?

Yes. I watched a couple of minutes of the clip in the course of linking it. I made it to "Zu-zu's petals" before I had to close the tab, eyes already damp.
posted by ob1quixote at 1:16 PM on October 5, 2012

Wizard: Why do you cry?
Subotai: He is Conan. Cimmerian. He will not cry. So I cry for him.
posted by jfuller at 1:22 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

Nine Movies That Make Men Cry—Glove and Boots
posted by ob1quixote at 10:09 AM on October 9, 2012