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October 12, 2012 7:23 AM Subscribe
Softball-sized eyeball washes up on Florida beach (SLN) Single Link Nightmare
It's all fun and games until someone loses finds an eye.
FTFY
posted by The Bellman at 7:27 AM on October 12, 2012 [11 favorites]
FTFY
posted by The Bellman at 7:27 AM on October 12, 2012 [11 favorites]
Q: What do you call a fish missing an eye?
A: A fsh.
posted by fight or flight at 7:27 AM on October 12, 2012 [79 favorites]
A: A fsh.
posted by fight or flight at 7:27 AM on October 12, 2012 [79 favorites]
Jeepers creepers.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:27 AM on October 12, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:27 AM on October 12, 2012 [3 favorites]
Mobeye Dick
posted by chavenet at 7:28 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by chavenet at 7:28 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
Aw, nuts dudes, sorry about that.
ORB OF AGAMOTTO, RETURN TO MEEEEE!!!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:29 AM on October 12, 2012 [10 favorites]
ORB OF AGAMOTTO, RETURN TO MEEEEE!!!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:29 AM on October 12, 2012 [10 favorites]
Almost certainly a swordfish eye. Those guys can get biiiiiig.
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:31 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:31 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
Almost certainly a swordfish eye
Tragic kissing accident.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:34 AM on October 12, 2012 [28 favorites]
Tragic kissing accident.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:34 AM on October 12, 2012 [28 favorites]
Somewhere out on the ocean there is a giant pirate with a giant eyepatch.
posted by chillmost at 7:35 AM on October 12, 2012 [16 favorites]
posted by chillmost at 7:35 AM on October 12, 2012 [16 favorites]
Came for the cornea jokes. Was not disappointed.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 7:38 AM on October 12, 2012 [12 favorites]
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 7:38 AM on October 12, 2012 [12 favorites]
Agency spokeswoman Carli Segelson says the eyeball likely came from a marine animal, since it was found on a beach.You don't say?
posted by Mooski at 7:39 AM on October 12, 2012 [29 favorites]
Viral advertising for Paul Ryan?
posted by PlusDistance at 7:40 AM on October 12, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by PlusDistance at 7:40 AM on October 12, 2012 [5 favorites]
As a co-worker just wondered, how did that not get eaten by birds?
posted by maryr at 7:42 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by maryr at 7:42 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
Somewhere out on the ocean there is a giant pirate with a giant eyepatch.
Eye, me mateys!
posted by Kabanos at 7:42 AM on October 12, 2012
Eye, me mateys!
posted by Kabanos at 7:42 AM on October 12, 2012
(Big Bird?)
posted by maryr at 7:43 AM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by maryr at 7:43 AM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]
No one knows what it's like to be the bad fish, to be the sad fish, behind blue eye.
posted by kimota at 7:45 AM on October 12, 2012 [23 favorites]
posted by kimota at 7:45 AM on October 12, 2012 [23 favorites]
Eye can't believe it didn't get eaten!
posted by vitabellosi at 7:46 AM on October 12, 2012
posted by vitabellosi at 7:46 AM on October 12, 2012
One fish,
Two fish,
Red fish,
Blue giant eyeball.
posted by maryr at 7:47 AM on October 12, 2012 [21 favorites]
Two fish,
Red fish,
Blue giant eyeball.
posted by maryr at 7:47 AM on October 12, 2012 [21 favorites]
Agency spokeswoman Carli Segelson says the eyeball likely came from a marine animal, since it was found on a beach. Possible candidates include a giant squid, a whale or some type of large fish.
I am not sure that was supposed to be as funny as it came out being.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:54 AM on October 12, 2012
I am not sure that was supposed to be as funny as it came out being.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:54 AM on October 12, 2012
But scarabic said that if you flush all the parts individually you're good.
posted by cmyk at 7:55 AM on October 12, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by cmyk at 7:55 AM on October 12, 2012 [6 favorites]
Came here expecting you all to be kraken terrible jokes and wasn't disappointed.
posted by Abiezer at 8:08 AM on October 12, 2012 [13 favorites]
posted by Abiezer at 8:08 AM on October 12, 2012 [13 favorites]
One eyeball? That's how they distract you.
posted by arcticseal at 8:10 AM on October 12, 2012
posted by arcticseal at 8:10 AM on October 12, 2012
Flagged as AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGGGHH.
posted by psoas at 8:12 AM on October 12, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by psoas at 8:12 AM on October 12, 2012 [3 favorites]
That lead-in: "It's not that body parts never wash ashore on Florida beaches. But usually it's not an eye the size of a softball.".
~ soft fade ~
Science lab tipster: We just had a body part wash up on Pompano beach!
Florida Media: Ehhh...
Science lab tipster: And it's just an eyeball!.
Florida Media: Hmm!
Science lab tipster: an eye the size of a softball!
Florida Media: Yowza! (trilby flies off head, dislodging press pass) Now that's what I call news of weird!
posted by boo_radley at 8:15 AM on October 12, 2012 [3 favorites]
~ soft fade ~
Science lab tipster: We just had a body part wash up on Pompano beach!
Florida Media: Ehhh...
Science lab tipster: And it's just an eyeball!.
Florida Media: Hmm!
Science lab tipster: an eye the size of a softball!
Florida Media: Yowza! (trilby flies off head, dislodging press pass) Now that's what I call news of weird!
posted by boo_radley at 8:15 AM on October 12, 2012 [3 favorites]
I think it's more of a nightmare for the thing that's missing an eye.
posted by codacorolla at 8:16 AM on October 12, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by codacorolla at 8:16 AM on October 12, 2012 [6 favorites]
Jokes about an eyeball washing up from the sea?
Now that's what I call...
*sunglasses*
...aqueous humor.
YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 8:17 AM on October 12, 2012 [136 favorites]
Now that's what I call...
*sunglasses*
...aqueous humor.
YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 8:17 AM on October 12, 2012 [136 favorites]
That's what a baby beholder looks like.
posted by Malor at 8:17 AM on October 12, 2012 [8 favorites]
posted by Malor at 8:17 AM on October 12, 2012 [8 favorites]
I am not sure that was supposed to be as funny as it came out being.
Damn you, situation caused by simultaneous existence in same 24 hour period of VP debate thread and favorite limit!
posted by JHarris at 8:18 AM on October 12, 2012
Damn you, situation caused by simultaneous existence in same 24 hour period of VP debate thread and favorite limit!
posted by JHarris at 8:18 AM on October 12, 2012
They put the eyeball on ice so it can be lent to the maternity ward for pranks.
posted by Wolfdog at 8:25 AM on October 12, 2012 [21 favorites]
posted by Wolfdog at 8:25 AM on October 12, 2012 [21 favorites]
I came to this thread for the Cthulhlu jokes. And I got that. But I got more. A lot more.
But hey, enough of my yakkin'...
posted by Gelatin at 8:34 AM on October 12, 2012
But hey, enough of my yakkin'...
posted by Gelatin at 8:34 AM on October 12, 2012
That's just Medama Oyaji. To quote the wiki, "He enjoys staying clean, and is often seen bathing in a small bowl. He has a great love for sake."
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 8:41 AM on October 12, 2012
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 8:41 AM on October 12, 2012
The years went by, and little Ralphie grew older. It was time to make his own way in life. He kissed his beloved mother, shook hands with the Old Man, picked up his Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle, and headed out to sea...
posted by Longtime Listener at 8:47 AM on October 12, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by Longtime Listener at 8:47 AM on October 12, 2012 [3 favorites]
Mystery solved.
She would have gotten away with it, too, if not for us meddling kids.
posted by Mister_A at 8:50 AM on October 12, 2012
She would have gotten away with it, too, if not for us meddling kids.
posted by Mister_A at 8:50 AM on October 12, 2012
Neat. 20 years ago or maybe even 10, this would have remained a freakish, unexplained curiosity, unless they could bring in just the right expert to look at the eye anatomy and get lucky by finding similarities to something else. Even then it'd probably be just a really good guess.
But in 2012 I can't see any reason why they wouldn't sequence the DNA from that sucker and figure out what it is, or, if it's not something we've sequenced, at least what it's related to. I'd be really depressed to find out that that doesn't get done. I hope we hear about it when it does.
posted by gurple at 8:52 AM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]
But in 2012 I can't see any reason why they wouldn't sequence the DNA from that sucker and figure out what it is, or, if it's not something we've sequenced, at least what it's related to. I'd be really depressed to find out that that doesn't get done. I hope we hear about it when it does.
posted by gurple at 8:52 AM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]
Well they could probably figure out what species it's from just based on anatomy. Mammalian eyeballs have different arrangements of photoreceptors and nerve cells than most cephalopods due to convergent evolution.
posted by Strass at 8:55 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Strass at 8:55 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
Softballs have it rough. Is there anything that isn't a softball that gets described as the size of a softball in a good way? No. Cysts, bruises, rocks, eyeballs. Someone gets comically easy question? Softball. Nobody ever makes deserts the size of softballs. Come on, can't we shift more of the burden to grapefruits?
posted by cashman at 9:00 AM on October 12, 2012 [12 favorites]
posted by cashman at 9:00 AM on October 12, 2012 [12 favorites]
Single Link Nightmare is right, do you use Ghostly? "50 Trackers found on this page..."
posted by Monkey0nCrack at 9:04 AM on October 12, 2012
posted by Monkey0nCrack at 9:04 AM on October 12, 2012
i do not like this post
nope
It's OK, just relax and treat your self to a softball sized scoop of eyes scream.
And try not to think the hundreds of spiders that are all around you at all times.
posted by Panjandrum at 9:09 AM on October 12, 2012 [3 favorites]
nope
It's OK, just relax and treat your self to a softball sized scoop of eyes scream.
And try not to think the hundreds of spiders that are all around you at all times.
posted by Panjandrum at 9:09 AM on October 12, 2012 [3 favorites]
Maybe it's one of Marty Feldman's?
I got my eye on you. *rim shot*
posted by stormpooper at 9:16 AM on October 12, 2012
I got my eye on you. *rim shot*
posted by stormpooper at 9:16 AM on October 12, 2012
As a co-worker just wondered, how did that not get eaten by birds?
Eh, the outside of the eyeball is surprisingly tough. Before I took anatomy (and held a cow's eyeball in my hand) I somehow thought of eyes as being grapelike, squishy. I mean, you always hear about how they're full of liquid. But cow eyes, at least, aren't squishy at all. You know how golf balls feel when you peel off the dimpled plastic outer layer? That's what the white of the eye, the sclera, feels like. (The lens resembles nothing so much as one of those rubbery high-bounce balls.)
Anyway, anatomy class: It was awesome.
posted by purpleclover at 9:25 AM on October 12, 2012 [4 favorites]
Eh, the outside of the eyeball is surprisingly tough. Before I took anatomy (and held a cow's eyeball in my hand) I somehow thought of eyes as being grapelike, squishy. I mean, you always hear about how they're full of liquid. But cow eyes, at least, aren't squishy at all. You know how golf balls feel when you peel off the dimpled plastic outer layer? That's what the white of the eye, the sclera, feels like. (The lens resembles nothing so much as one of those rubbery high-bounce balls.)
Anyway, anatomy class: It was awesome.
posted by purpleclover at 9:25 AM on October 12, 2012 [4 favorites]
Can't help but imagine the relentless torment of a mostly-removed eye dangling around as you swim swim swim until finally the dang thing tears free.
posted by rahnefan at 9:26 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by rahnefan at 9:26 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
But in 2012 I can't see any reason why they wouldn't sequence the DNA from that sucker and figure out what it is, or, if it's not something we've sequenced, at least what it's related to.
Or, if they can't figure out any earthly creature known to man that it's even vaguely related to, why not just take the DNA and grow a new one? WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?
posted by The Bellman at 9:26 AM on October 12, 2012 [5 favorites]
Or, if they can't figure out any earthly creature known to man that it's even vaguely related to, why not just take the DNA and grow a new one? WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?
posted by The Bellman at 9:26 AM on October 12, 2012 [5 favorites]
Just beginning to wrap my mind around the possibilities of bluetooth, and now this. Big Bro-thingy is watching you.
posted by Namlit at 9:32 AM on October 12, 2012
posted by Namlit at 9:32 AM on October 12, 2012
how did that not get eaten by birds
Birds don't like creepy things*.
*Our last year's Halloween pumpkin, with big crafty pumpkin teeth, got hacked toothless by a bunch of magpies. They then left, disinterested in the pumpkin. Just didn't want to have to look at those teeth.
(true story)
posted by Namlit at 9:36 AM on October 12, 2012 [4 favorites]
Birds don't like creepy things*.
*Our last year's Halloween pumpkin, with big crafty pumpkin teeth, got hacked toothless by a bunch of magpies. They then left, disinterested in the pumpkin. Just didn't want to have to look at those teeth.
(true story)
posted by Namlit at 9:36 AM on October 12, 2012 [4 favorites]
stupidsexyFlanders: Came for the cornea jokes. Was not disappointed.
Well, it don't get much cornea than this. Heh?
***
Heh? I mean right?
posted by herbplarfegan at 9:37 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
Well, it don't get much cornea than this. Heh?
***
Heh? I mean right?
posted by herbplarfegan at 9:37 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
this is what happens when you cross the mermafia.
posted by reverend cuttle at 9:37 AM on October 12, 2012
posted by reverend cuttle at 9:37 AM on October 12, 2012
Metafilter: as funny as it came out being.
posted by herbplarfegan at 9:39 AM on October 12, 2012
posted by herbplarfegan at 9:39 AM on October 12, 2012
Such vitreous humor, this.
posted by iamkimiam at 9:45 AM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by iamkimiam at 9:45 AM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]
Immediately reminded me of Werckmeister Harmonies.
posted by perhapses at 9:47 AM on October 12, 2012
posted by perhapses at 9:47 AM on October 12, 2012
Everyone knows that Endermen drop an eyeball when killed.
posted by R. Mutt at 9:57 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by R. Mutt at 9:57 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
I came here for the Breaking Bad jokes and was disappointed. Walter you all whiting for?
posted by oulipian at 10:02 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by oulipian at 10:02 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
And try not to think the hundreds of spiders that are all around you at all times.
Especially since I opened up my towel yesterday and right before I rubbed it on my face post shower, I saw two spiders just sitting there in my towel, about to be my new facial scrub.
So after that, eh, giant eyeballs, whatever. As long as they stay out of my bathroom.
posted by emjaybee at 10:05 AM on October 12, 2012
Especially since I opened up my towel yesterday and right before I rubbed it on my face post shower, I saw two spiders just sitting there in my towel, about to be my new facial scrub.
So after that, eh, giant eyeballs, whatever. As long as they stay out of my bathroom.
posted by emjaybee at 10:05 AM on October 12, 2012
Maybe it's an eye from a dragon. You know, one of the ones drawn on those old maps.
posted by Ms. Moonlight at 10:17 AM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Ms. Moonlight at 10:17 AM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]
Gee, nobody else reminded of this guy with his sphincterlike blink? Something about that blue eye... my money is on giant squid.
posted by kinnakeet at 10:25 AM on October 12, 2012
posted by kinnakeet at 10:25 AM on October 12, 2012
Blue-eyed devils? I guess that Elijah Mohammed was right.
posted by Blue Meanie at 10:31 AM on October 12, 2012
posted by Blue Meanie at 10:31 AM on October 12, 2012
Eh, the outside of the eyeball is surprisingly tough.
Oh god, memories of 7th-grade health class just came flooding back. We had to dissect cow eyes and I just remember stabbing mine over and over, finally puncturing the outside, and eye juice squirting out everywhere.
I wish I'd seen the giant eye here first because I would have known not to click the link.
posted by Room 641-A at 10:48 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
Oh god, memories of 7th-grade health class just came flooding back. We had to dissect cow eyes and I just remember stabbing mine over and over, finally puncturing the outside, and eye juice squirting out everywhere.
I wish I'd seen the giant eye here first because I would have known not to click the link.
posted by Room 641-A at 10:48 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
I love the 'It's most likely from a marine animal, probably a large one' comment. On one hand, someone's being admirably careful about drawing firm conclusions until they've done their research.
On the other hand, what else could it be from?
posted by anaximander at 11:01 AM on October 12, 2012
On the other hand, what else could it be from?
posted by anaximander at 11:01 AM on October 12, 2012
Wheatley?
posted by phong3d at 11:04 AM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by phong3d at 11:04 AM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]
Softballs have it rough. Is there anything that isn't a softball that gets described as the size of a softball in a good way? No. Cysts, bruises, rocks, eyeballs.
Certain softballs refuse to play that game.
herbplarfegan: Whoosh!
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 11:09 AM on October 12, 2012
Certain softballs refuse to play that game.
herbplarfegan: Whoosh!
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 11:09 AM on October 12, 2012
Pretty sure this is just a promo for a new Residents tour. Pepsi Blue(eye).
posted by skyscraper at 11:14 AM on October 12, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by skyscraper at 11:14 AM on October 12, 2012 [4 favorites]
Usually I hate newspaper comments, but this one was hilarious: "Somewhere a large sea creature is rockin' a barnacle-encrusted eyepatch and going, "Yarrrrr!"''
posted by wuwei at 11:15 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by wuwei at 11:15 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
Dear god...a giant eyeball is one thing but nothing could have prepared me for the photos of a "snout-less dog" in the sidebar! Sweet merciful crap, that is horrifying!
posted by ShutterBun at 11:19 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by ShutterBun at 11:19 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
Spaaaaaaaaaaaace!
posted by ooga_booga at 11:25 AM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by ooga_booga at 11:25 AM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]
The eyeball is the size of a candlepin bowling ball. Better?
Good. Now picture it rolling down a bowling lane, with two more candlepin bowling ball sized eyeballs rolling back up the return towards you.
posted by maryr at 12:45 PM on October 12, 2012 [3 favorites]
Good. Now picture it rolling down a bowling lane, with two more candlepin bowling ball sized eyeballs rolling back up the return towards you.
posted by maryr at 12:45 PM on October 12, 2012 [3 favorites]
Come on, can't we shift more of the burden to grapefruits?
An eye the size of a grapefruit, keeping an eye on me...
posted by y2karl at 1:14 PM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
An eye the size of a grapefruit, keeping an eye on me...
posted by y2karl at 1:14 PM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
Softballs have it rough. Is there anything that isn't a softball that gets described as the size of a softball in a good way? No. Cysts, bruises, rocks, eyeballs. Someone gets comically easy question? Softball. Nobody ever makes deserts the size of softballs. Come on, can't we shift more of the burden to grapefruits?
You know, if the choice is between creating a mental connection between things like tumors and cysts and either a) food or b) an item that gets thrown at people in a game, I'm actually OK with going with softballs.
posted by polymath at 1:32 PM on October 12, 2012
You know, if the choice is between creating a mental connection between things like tumors and cysts and either a) food or b) an item that gets thrown at people in a game, I'm actually OK with going with softballs.
posted by polymath at 1:32 PM on October 12, 2012
Awww. It's a baby Sauron! How cute!
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 1:33 PM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 1:33 PM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
I came for the Bataille jokes, and I was disappointed.
posted by subtle-t at 3:02 PM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by subtle-t at 3:02 PM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
Are they sure it's an eyeball? It looks like an Everlasting Gobstopper to me. Someone should lick it. For science.
posted by amyms at 7:01 PM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by amyms at 7:01 PM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]
Finally an answer to the age old question: "Where did is eye go?"
posted by incster at 6:57 AM on October 13, 2012
posted by incster at 6:57 AM on October 13, 2012
Sure, blame it on the little guy and his one good eye!
posted by schade at 12:17 PM on October 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by schade at 12:17 PM on October 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Giant eyeball mystery solved: Experts say it belonged to swordfsh
posted by the man of twists and turns at 8:26 AM on October 15, 2012
posted by the man of twists and turns at 8:26 AM on October 15, 2012
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posted by Faint of Butt at 7:23 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]