In the Clizzoud

October 12, 2012 7:40 AM

Microsoft is pushing hard to win adoption and support for Windows Azure Cloud services. How hard? Nerdcore hard. When you think "cloud", do you think rap? Someone at Microsoft does, apparently.
posted by ElDiabloConQueso (53 comments total)

c:\>mkdir it_rain
posted by maryr at 7:46 AM on October 12, 2012 [10 favorites]

Microsoft CEO Ballmer: We’re a Devices and Services Company
posted by Egg Shen at 7:52 AM on October 12, 2012

Oh wow, rap is so cool.

Wait, it's not 1985? Nevermind.
posted by tommasz at 7:58 AM on October 12, 2012

Well, it's better than RIM's Blackberry 10 music video.
posted by cosmic.osmo at 7:58 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Well, that's just like Microsoft. Somewhere in Redmond there was a team sitting around in a conference room who decided that Microsoft could compete in the rap market by just making it faster.

Heads in the clouds, obviously.
posted by twoleftfeet at 7:59 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

They're totally in my face!
posted by Egg Shen at 8:04 AM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

Hands in the air, like you've got mindshare.
posted by arcticseal at 8:06 AM on October 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

Why did ElDiabloConQueso think I would want Azure all up in my grill like dat?
posted by Samizdata at 8:06 AM on October 12, 2012

STEVE BALMER DIED ON THE WAY BACK TO HIS HOME PLANET.
posted by boo_radley at 8:09 AM on October 12, 2012 [7 favorites]

Not since W-w-w-windows, Three Eighty Six. have they achieved such rap mastery in marketiing.
posted by George_Spiggott at 8:13 AM on October 12, 2012 [5 favorites]

Dat SaaS.
posted by Wolfdog at 8:13 AM on October 12, 2012 [5 favorites]

This is one of Microsoft's old favorites.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 8:13 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Damn you, George_Spiggot.

We must settle this with an EPIC RAP BATTLE.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 8:14 AM on October 12, 2012

You know, I thought they were actually going to get through this without it being bad, but then it got to the slow part, and all I could think of was "hey, that's like when Windows used to slow down for no reason when I was playing games."
posted by davejay at 8:15 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Finally, a rapper who raps about my concerns! SaaS and PaaS!

Kinda odd. That should have been really emarassing, but really sorta wasn't?

The beat is suspiciously like a certain other song though.
posted by Ad hominem at 8:17 AM on October 12, 2012

wow, that blackberry thing was terrible.
posted by davejay at 8:17 AM on October 12, 2012

Doesn't matter how bad the rap is, I'm now aware that Microsoft has a cloud services thing.

(Now is the part where I boggle that someone would use it. Windows is SO GOOD at remote execution, why wouldn't I?)
posted by DU at 8:20 AM on October 12, 2012

And the website has that sweet new Metro look!
posted by maryr at 8:21 AM on October 12, 2012

I'm in the process of "azurizing" a pretty large product. We are redoing all the windows services as azure workers and switching from msmq to Azure service bus. It is actually pretty cool.
posted by Ad hominem at 8:22 AM on October 12, 2012

Didn't they learn their lesson from the Norwegian Dancing Azure Girls debacle?
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 8:24 AM on October 12, 2012


using System;
class Program
{
    static void Main()
    {
        const string slim = "Nowadays everybody wanna talk like they got something to say, but nothing comes out when they move their lips just a bunch of gibberish and motherfuckers act like they forgot about Dre.";
        string shady = slim.Replace("Dre", "Ballmer");
        Console.WriteLine(shady);
        // very shady, indeed!
    }
}

posted by davejay at 8:25 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Didn't they learn their lesson from the Norwegian Dancing Azure Girls debacle?

What bothered me about that was the line "I'm developing ....4 the rest of my life" like it is a prison sentence, a Sisyphean task I am doomed to. Would suck to develop for eternity chained to a rock in hell or something.
posted by Ad hominem at 8:31 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

It's going well, then, Ad hominem? Would you say that... today was a good day?
posted by maryr at 8:33 AM on October 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

We’re a Devices and Services Company

Which is insane, as they made billions upon billions as a mass-market software vendor and video game company. I mean, I understand you need to be continually looking forward as a tech company, but announcing that you're going to be Apple-meets-Rackspace, when you have NO record of success in either field is kind of suicidal.

What's worse, there is pretty much unlimited room for growth in their core competencies - there's always new consumer and business platforms that need software, and if you aren't building a new console platform once every five years in the current hyperactive television-technology environment, you are leaving money on the table. (Now in 3D! In 4K! In 29:1!)

Microsoft is instead intent on being a search engine company that builds smartphones in the cloud. Chasing after buzzwords in markets that have competent and nimble competitors is not a recipe for success - what's worse, they're putting their bread and butter - Windows and Office and SQL Server - at risk by demanding they cater to the shiny thing duJour.
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:37 AM on October 12, 2012 [12 favorites]

With a minimum commitment of $500 a month, this is not the cloud service I was looking for.

Seriously? I can get a dedicated server for that kind of money. I don't see the business model.
posted by pdxpogo at 8:40 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

I wonder if Sierra from Marketing worked on this.
posted by octobersurprise at 8:40 AM on October 12, 2012

LOL I actually kinda like it.

I'm not sure of this, but these rappers whose style is 'fast' seem to use techniques that make it sound like they're saying more words than they actually are. Like rolling letters machine-gun style.
posted by mullacc at 8:41 AM on October 12, 2012

Eh, more power to them. More power to the BB10 people too.

Yeah, OK, haw-haw they're dorks. Whatever. They're trying something different, and if I had to choose between ads with some developer-evangelists doing a surprisingly good job singing, and yet another Commanding Male Voiceover with images of cities and farms flashing (Waving Flag! Cars! Puppies!) in the background, I'm going to go for the singers.

Because it's interesting, it makes them human, and I salute their willingness to act like fools in a world where too damn many stuffed-suit morons prance about on stages spouting Gartner buzzwords. Ho ho ho, look how Respectable we all are!


...and as an aside, if you're smart, you'll follow with me -- because down this path we will eventually get Steve Ballmer (or, hell, maybe Eric Schmidt) doing his best Hurra Torpedo rendition of "Total Eclipse of the Heart".

You know it's true. Join me, and together we will reach this promised land.
posted by aramaic at 8:52 AM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

Seriously? I can get a dedicated server for that kind of money. I don't see the business model.

If you have a lage data center you are paying for IT people, security people, space,bandwidth,power,backup generators,data backups,fire suppression. All sorts of stuff.

Then there is the fact that after a while you can't wedge in new physical servers or new VMs. Used to be I could submit a form on our intranet and get a new VM spun up that day. Now we have so many I need IT Governance approval to get one.

I am under increasing pressure to move everything out of our data center. It all runs on windows.

We want to be able to have a provider cover the entire checklist. If we are just spinning up VMs on Amazon, we still have to worry about sysadmins and security peeps, updates, and all kinds of other things.

The way I think MS hopes this will work is that we migrate legacy stuff to Azure, and then use it for for future stuff instead of migrating to something that can run on Heroku for new development.
posted by Ad hominem at 8:55 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh, BTW. All that is double. I have my apps running in our center in Atlanta but I also have a DR site in St. Louis. We are paying for two backup generators and security systems and AC units in case Altanta gets hit with an earthquake or something.
posted by Ad hominem at 9:00 AM on October 12, 2012

Ok ok, now I have to learn how to link to Youtube videos such that when my boss asks me what I'm doing I can send him directly to 1:01 to tell him I'm "Spinning VMs!!!"
posted by RolandOfEld at 9:05 AM on October 12, 2012

maryr:
"Would you say that... today was a good day?"

Didn't have to wipe the array.
posted by charred husk at 9:14 AM on October 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

If you have a lage data center you are paying for IT people, security people, space,bandwidth,power,backup generators,data backups,fire suppression. All sorts of stuff.

If you have *aaS, you still are paying for it, but the accounting is easier - one simple bill. On the other hand, you have no control over that stuff, and increasingly, not even any visibility, either.

CIO's are now looking at cloud-based stuff as a golden ticket to get rid of the IT department rather than a tool to improve service... so it's like a second attempt to make outsourcing work, only we have even less control over our vendors and more lock-in! I smell a winner!
posted by Slap*Happy at 9:16 AM on October 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

Well, that's sort of a flipside of BYOD.
posted by Artw at 9:17 AM on October 12, 2012

@RolandOfEld:

Here you go: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQyatIpkHvM#t=1m01s
posted by ElDiabloConQueso at 9:20 AM on October 12, 2012

@ad hominem

I was thinking too small. MSQL didn't use to be an enterprise solution must have come a long way since I've been out of the real world. People in a position to spend money and make decisions are the rapper generation now just as I was a rocker who trained up punks now the punks are giving away to hip hop. It's a bitch knowing you are a dinosaur ;-)
posted by pdxpogo at 9:20 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

AFAIK iCloud still runs off of Azure so there's a big secondary user base as well.
posted by Artw at 9:22 AM on October 12, 2012

I won't be tricked into using some bloated, hard to fix microsoft abomination by a rap song. No sir-ee.
posted by hellslinger at 9:24 AM on October 12, 2012

so it's like a second attempt to make outsourcing work, only we have even less control over our vendors and more lock-in! I smell a winner!

I agree with you but I cannot deny the CIO logic.

This is all part an parcel of the new thinking on employees. When you take into account all the overhead associated with having an employee. HR costs, office space, office equipment, training I'm sure we save money.

The sad but brutal truth is that IT is not a profit center. IT workers are like the balast of a ship, you need them to run but they also impart momentum. Once you hire them, you are stuck with them. They, and their managers have a say in almost everything you do from then on. We have threads all the time about companies like Kodak, they had such momentum they crashed into the rocks. They had thousands of employees to take care of, advocating to stay the course. Nobody wants to go out like that.

I feel thinking of your employees as a burden rather than an asset is pretty reprehensible, but that is the truth about how management views IT workers.
posted by Ad hominem at 9:29 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Whether the rap is good or bad, Azure is ridiculous. We tried to put a project on the service -- under extreme duress and against our own recommendations -- and it was a complete disaster.

I've never seen anything take that long to get uploaded, much less just NEVER HAPPEN after all that waiting.
posted by Medieval Maven at 9:57 AM on October 12, 2012

Slap*Happy: Microsoft is instead intent on being a search engine company that builds smartphones in the cloud. Chasing after buzzwords in markets that have competent and nimble competitors is not a recipe for success - what's worse, they're putting their bread and butter - Windows and Office and SQL Server - at risk by demanding they cater to the shiny thing duJour.

Oh yes, this is a perfect description of what they've been doing lately that's been driving me nuts. Microsoft, I do not want your smartphones, I do not want your tablets, I do not want your cloud services. I ask only one thing of you; that you do not ruin Windows or Office. So could you please stop trying to do that? I'm already having to avoid your attempts to make my useful computer into a useless pseudo-tablet, and I'm sure Office is the next thing you plan to destroy.
posted by Mitrovarr at 10:15 AM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

You're telling me Microsoft made a promotional rap song about their cloud offering, called it "Cloud Rap," and they didn't get Clams Casino to produce? They really are out of touch.
posted by skymt at 10:21 AM on October 12, 2012

There are real advantages to cloud - it's gotten much easier to fund and launch startups since the 90s as they no longer need the physical colo and gear to support a production site before going live. Clouds burst easily, so you can ratchet up or down your spend based on need rather than spending a ton on infrastructure you only use some of the year. DR has gotten much cheaper too, as you don't need physical gear for most implementations and can park your images when you aren't updating or using them. Platform as a Service offerings like Azure Compute allow companies to focus on dev while leaving the infrastructure/security/administration to the PaaS provider. Enterprise cloud providers give you real SLAs so you can hold someone accountable when something goes wrong.

You do lose control, and a well-run and funded in-house setup will still be better for a lot of organizations. Most IT shops, though, aren't well-run or well-funded. Also even if you don't think you're using a cloud provider you're probably wrong anyway, because at some point at 2AM a dev with a credit card needed a VM and didn't want to wait for it.
posted by Blue Meanie at 10:22 AM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

Just when I was starting to think they were self-aware about those incredibly out of touch and tone deaf ads of theirs and trying to do it on purpose ans "a thing," Microsoft goes and makes it painfully obvious that, no, they just have no idea.
posted by cmoj at 10:47 AM on October 12, 2012

This is not the first time Microsoft has released a rapvertisement.

The whole 12 minute thing is fascinating, but if you just the dope beats, skip to about the 7:00 mark. Gets doper a bit after 8 minutes, too.
posted by Flunkie at 10:49 AM on October 12, 2012

With a minimum commitment of $500 a month

That's not true. The $500 minimum commitment only applies to 6 and 12 month plans. The PAYG rates start at free for websites on a multi-tenant host with up to 5GB of traffic. Once you move to a dedicated instance, you'll be looking at around $60/month and up.
posted by rh at 10:49 AM on October 12, 2012

Let me know when I can move my VMs reliably between EC2, Rackspace, Azure, or local VMware. There is zero reason for lock-in to a single cloud implementation other than greedy providers.
posted by miyabo at 11:18 AM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

I have my apps running in our center in Atlanta but I also have a DR site in St. Louis. We are paying for two backup generators and security systems and AC units in case Altanta gets hit with an earthquake or something.

Be that as it may, this commercial still sucks hard.
posted by ShutterBun at 11:35 AM on October 12, 2012

Bah. I'd rather kick it old school with yo! MSDOS raps.

Gimme five.
posted by MartinWisse at 12:38 PM on October 12, 2012

I fear this is proof that no one working at Microsoft, is actually communicating with *anyone else* within Microsoft.
posted by Faintdreams at 2:21 PM on October 12, 2012

Right now I have the weirdest... urge to buy MS-DOS 5.0.
posted by Wolfdog at 2:33 PM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

Right now I have the weirdest... urge to buy MS-DOS 5.0.

Yo, Dr Dos 6.0 with integrated SuperStor is the way to go - make that 100meg double up for twice the fun...
posted by pupdog at 3:48 PM on October 12, 2012

As a Microsoft employee, I never look at our marketing. It's too demoralizing.
posted by Slothrup at 7:20 PM on October 12, 2012