Simply the worst
October 16, 2012 12:16 PM   Subscribe

In the first 11 matches of the 2010 season they scored 2 goals and conceded 227. Madron FC is the worst football team in Britain.
posted by jontyjago (28 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
*gets a look at the keeper*

Well, there might be an area you can address.
posted by laconic skeuomorph at 12:18 PM on October 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


New secondary team to follow acquired.
posted by jaduncan at 12:19 PM on October 16, 2012


FWIW I was wondering how you could lose 55-0. Turns out (I don't think it's mentioned in the video), in that loss Madron only fielded 7 players, the bare minimum required to hold a match, against the other side's normal amount of 11 players. So yeah, that's how you can lose 55-0.
posted by laconic skeuomorph at 12:25 PM on October 16, 2012


Clearly they're in need of an unknown manager from a foreign land.
posted by fleacircus at 12:33 PM on October 16, 2012 [3 favorites]




Reminds me of the high-school field hockey team I was in when I was 13. Played 9, lost 9. Goals for 0, goals against, 61. Good times.
posted by Sonny Jim at 12:40 PM on October 16, 2012 [1 favorite]




But Davenport, who's also the club's secretary, treasurer and chairman, is not letting it get him down. "Morale's high," he says. "Heads are up. We're getting better."
Madron FC just acquired a new fan. I wonder if they sell scarves?
posted by soundofsuburbia at 12:45 PM on October 16, 2012 [8 favorites]


In second or third grade, my younger brother was on a little league baseball team. Their team played against three or four others from the same area. Pretty much every time they would lose by a margin of 10-15 runs, while their coach socialized with the other parents. None of the parents seemed very bothered by this. I think the other teams appreciated having someone they could beat up on. My younger brother is not a baseball fan in the slightest.
posted by Nomyte at 12:47 PM on October 16, 2012


Why not just invite some of the fans to come on down and play, especially when they can't field 11? I can imagine they'd get a least a couple with both enthusiasm and skills.
posted by tommasz at 12:50 PM on October 16, 2012


They're still better than me.
posted by jb at 12:52 PM on October 16, 2012


They're still better than me.

They're still better than Toronto FC.

No, they're not. But if TFC puts their minds to it, I'm sure they can take Madron's crown.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:58 PM on October 16, 2012 [5 favorites]


"22-0 isn't brilliant. But it's 33 goals better than last time. This weekend, we might get a point. We're not giving up."
posted by Flunkie at 12:59 PM on October 16, 2012


In 2011, they got some new lads, including, it appears, a new keeper. They also won a game 4-3...
posted by Windopaene at 1:13 PM on October 16, 2012


If it is going to be lopsided you owe it to yourself to make it so ridiculously lopsided that the lopsidedness becomes a thing on its own that transcends the mere game being played and instead goes cosmic.
posted by srboisvert at 1:19 PM on October 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


tommasz: Why not just invite some of the fans to come on down and play, especially when they can't field 11? I can imagine they'd get a least a couple with both enthusiasm and skills.

Sounds like they did. From the article: "So we played with who we could get," he says. "Unfortunately, that mostly means lads of 16 or 17 who haven't really played football before and can't get a game anywhere else. Often there aren't enough of them, either. In 11 games, we've fielded three full teams." Since that 55-0 drubbing, however, for which the team mustered seven players but no goalie ("One lad did stand between the posts," says Davenport, "but he spent the game chatting to his mates")...
posted by Rock Steady at 1:23 PM on October 16, 2012


Are there really any lads of 16 or 17 in the Cornwall area who have never played football?
posted by ChuraChura at 1:28 PM on October 16, 2012


My youth soccer team when I was around 7 years old once lost 14-1 when we didn't have enough players and they let my dad be our goalie. I thought that was a bad score. Wow.
posted by Foosnark at 2:07 PM on October 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


I just knew they were going to be from Cornwall. Cornwall's never really had a football tradition the way the rest of England has. Even now, twenty years on from growing up there, if someone tries to start up a football conversation with me, I'm immediately lost. Cornwall's produced some rather fine rugby players, and quite a few half-decent surfers. But football just isn't our thing. These boys make me proud.
posted by pipeski at 2:49 PM on October 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


If it is going to be lopsided you owe it to yourself to make it so ridiculously lopsided that the lopsidedness becomes a thing on its own that transcends the mere game being played and instead goes cosmic.

Terry Pratchett could do something with that idea I think. Probably something involving "Bloody Stupid" Johnson.
posted by JHarris at 3:07 PM on October 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


Pipeski - that's actually very cool.
posted by ChuraChura at 3:30 PM on October 16, 2012


Not many managers who can in all honesty claim, as he does here, that they were 33 goals better than the previous week (other one being presumably boss of the lot who beat 'em).
posted by Abiezer at 4:05 PM on October 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


"If we did win, it would mean more to us than it would to a team that wins all the time."
"They've got passion. Even a lot of teams in the premier league they haven't got passion."
"You've got to have spirit to carry on."

Werner Herzog could make a film about these guys.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 7:24 PM on October 16, 2012 [2 favorites]


Terry Pratchett could do something with that idea I think. Probably something involving "Bloody Stupid" Johnson.

And a soccer pitch 68 cm wide.
posted by sebastienbailard at 7:48 PM on October 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


Werner Herzog could make a film about these guys.

I was seeing it more as a Full Monty or Billy Elliot style heartwarmer. Paging Richard Curtis!

(Seriously, I would watch that movie. And probably get all sniffly at the end.)
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:19 PM on October 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


Neasden FC hit back last night after reports suggested they could be in danger of losing their coveted spot at the foot of the table. As angry fans (Sid and Doris Bonkers) stormed the pitch, the manager, tight-lipped, ashen-faced supremo Ron Knee (59) told reporters: "We'll never settle for second place. We've always been the worst team in Britain, and as long as I'm in charge here, we always will be."
posted by verstegan at 11:46 PM on October 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


Madron FC is the worst football team in Britain

sounds like a good challenge for Football Manager 2013 than....
posted by MartinWisse at 2:19 AM on October 17, 2012


They've got competition next door in Devon.
posted by etc at 1:33 PM on October 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


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