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THEY'RE GRRRRRRRRRREAT!
October 19, 2012 8:18 AM   Subscribe


 
this old man was removed from its box for a while as I enjoyed remaking hin whith certaun raw and sinic insanity.

Yes. Thank you. I needed something to stop me from ever wanting to eat Cap'n Crunch again. I can picture the glee that man takes in tearing up the roof of my mouth.
posted by Rock Steady at 8:24 AM on October 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


Man, these are awesome, but I wonder if anyone noticed that at the bottom of the Trix box it reads "Goodnees"?

*facepalm*
posted by fiercecupcake at 8:25 AM on October 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


When you said realistic, I was thinking more of kids lapsing into sugar-induced comas.
posted by orme at 8:28 AM on October 19, 2012


Is this where I can talk about how the artwork on the Farina box is profoundly creepy?
posted by schmod at 8:28 AM on October 19, 2012 [5 favorites]


More realistic cereal box artwork would look like this.
posted by Forktine at 8:30 AM on October 19, 2012 [4 favorites]


I was expecting photos of cereal in real milk rather than glue.
posted by straight at 8:30 AM on October 19, 2012


schmod, when I was a kid I thought that Farina was like "medicine cereal" because the kid on the box looked seriously ill to me. He still does.
posted by Elly Vortex at 8:31 AM on October 19, 2012 [6 favorites]


These are fuckin' glorious.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 8:35 AM on October 19, 2012


These are good, but my favourite cereal joke was on Futurama:

Fry: I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch?
Leela: Well if you don't like that, try some Archduke Chocula.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:35 AM on October 19, 2012 [9 favorites]


More realistic cereal box artwork would look like this.

You fucking wish cereal had cane sugar in it.
posted by griphus at 8:36 AM on October 19, 2012 [8 favorites]


-5 pts for mixing up Chocula's incisors and canines
posted by ryanrs at 8:39 AM on October 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


Remember kids, when you eat that cereal, it's eating YOU from the inside too!
posted by blue_beetle at 8:44 AM on October 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


You fucking wish cereal had cane sugar in it.

I looked but couldn't find a good HFCS photo. Sugar is at least historically accurate, if not currently.
posted by Forktine at 8:46 AM on October 19, 2012


Those are awesome and creepy, but Chocula looks a little doofy with his big incisors. Hell, even Bunnicula has sharpened canines.
posted by arcticwoman at 8:52 AM on October 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Huh, look at that. The original Choc has the big incisors too. Weird.
posted by arcticwoman at 8:53 AM on October 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


-5 pts for mixing up Chocula's incisors and canines

Nope, that's accurate. You can blame General Mills.
posted by jedicus at 8:53 AM on October 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Am I the only one who wants to pronounce the website's name such that it rhymes with Beyonce?
posted by staccato signals of constant information at 8:57 AM on October 19, 2012


Chocula's extended incisors make him look less likely to drink blood and more likely to gnaw a hole in your attic and stash some acorns away for winter.
posted by exogenous at 9:01 AM on October 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


Not a huge fan of the box art, but the little touches he put in in the promotional photographs (pills, "blood") are pretty funny.
posted by jermsplan at 9:04 AM on October 19, 2012


Even more realistic would be an obese, diabetic child on each box
posted by Renoroc at 9:10 AM on October 19, 2012


Roller skates?
posted by Sys Rq at 9:11 AM on October 19, 2012


Wow. He renders everyone's flesh to look like the surface of a basketball. These are not images I would want staring at me from a cereal box in the morning.
posted by egypturnash at 9:13 AM on October 19, 2012


Nope, that's accurate. You can blame General Mills.

Or, like, Nosferatu.
posted by dubitable at 9:13 AM on October 19, 2012 [5 favorites]


He renders everyone's flesh to look like the surface of a basketball

I believe the technical term is "friedmaning".
posted by Egg Shen at 9:18 AM on October 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


These are not images I would want staring at me from a cereal box in the morning.

Well, fuck, what the hell am I going to do will all these boxes of Edward James Olm-Os
posted by griphus at 9:18 AM on October 19, 2012 [24 favorites]


Man, I was relieved when these "realistic" depictions weren't fat kids or references to sugar and carbs. I had even pre-emptively rolled my eyes twice by the time I clicked.
posted by scrowdid at 9:22 AM on October 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


I'm sorry, but that page is broken. I don't see anywhere I can click to buy prints of those.
posted by slogger at 9:36 AM on October 19, 2012


...It's your all-time favorite fierce-costumed-latin-lover Tony...

Fun fact: the Google Images search for fierce-costumed-latin-lover returns a mishmash of seriously fucked up shit, so instead here's a picture of Cuban actor William Levy on Dancing with the Stars. You're welcome.
posted by psoas at 9:43 AM on October 19, 2012


Speaking as an amateur teratocereologist, I approve of the Chocula portrait. The incisors are accurate.
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:21 AM on October 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Just want to say "Chocola's incisors" is a word pairing I had not ever seen before today. Google concurs.
posted by phong3d at 10:54 AM on October 19, 2012


I guess that's one way to keep kids from eating sugary cereals.
posted by ckape at 11:05 AM on October 19, 2012


If we're going to have guys in tiger suits on our cereal, I'd want it to be these guys.
posted by vasi at 11:42 AM on October 19, 2012


I work for General Mills' prepress vendor and would just love it if the cereal boxes were half this bad ass. The highlight of my year is the retro cartons where GMI and a retail partner run special editions of products using designs from decades past. Trix rabbit from the '60s is way cooler than his modern counterpart.
posted by nathan_teske at 11:54 AM on October 19, 2012


Is this where I can talk about how the artwork on the Farina box is profoundly creepy?

How is it that two different artists working for two different cereal companies decided to depict the same dead-eyed kid with widely-spaced chiclet-teeth? Does he also appear in the dreams of psych-ward patients and repentant alcoholics?
posted by Strange Interlude at 12:41 PM on October 19, 2012


Before you die, you see the kid.
posted by griphus at 12:48 PM on October 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


If you like this, you'll love Breakfast of the Gods.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 2:39 PM on October 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


How is it that two different artists working for two different cereal companies decided to depict the same dead-eyed kid with widely-spaced chiclet-teeth?

The brand equity gets passed along when the product line gets sold. Creepy as fuck kid? Now owned by Malt-O-Meal.
posted by nathan_teske at 2:43 PM on October 19, 2012


All right, but let's see what he can do with Nietzsche Pops.
posted by Graygorey at 3:49 PM on October 19, 2012


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