House full of men
October 24, 2012 11:58 AM   Subscribe

Tom Hanks performs Beat-style poetry about Full House. That is all.
posted by Chrysostom (39 comments total) 14 users marked this as a favorite

 
This is just as good as it sounds.
posted by notionoriety at 12:13 PM on October 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


D'aahgh, I could have done this if it was Malkovich maybe, or even Myers for a callback but the second Tom Hanks opened his mouth I couldn't take it and reflexively closed the browser.
posted by carsonb at 12:16 PM on October 24, 2012


I'm still crushing on Lori Loughlin.
posted by BentFranklin at 12:17 PM on October 24, 2012 [5 favorites]


Just pretend it's Woody from Toy Story.
posted by Malice at 12:18 PM on October 24, 2012 [6 favorites]


I did not expect the mustache.
posted by dubold at 12:22 PM on October 24, 2012


You obviously didn't see Saturday Night Live last weekend then.

Related:, I read this yesterday and, though I didn't think it was worthy of an FPP, I did think it was right on: Why Full House’s Kimmy Gibbler Was NOT the Wacky Neighbor
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:24 PM on October 24, 2012 [18 favorites]


Guys, I'm pretty sure that's Roy Disney.
posted by ColdChef at 12:25 PM on October 24, 2012 [3 favorites]


This wins ALL the internets!
posted by xedrik at 12:32 PM on October 24, 2012


That Kimmy Gibbler article is pretty damn good:

In one episode Kimmy’s parents grounded her by sending her to live with the Tanners. The joke was supposed to be that it felt more like a punishment to the Tanners than Kimmy, but in the end Kimmy’s parents were still kind of right. She can’t cuss or spit or even masturbate at the Tanner household without there being some genuine moments of awkwardness and there’s nothing to do over there except listen to Michelle talk like a Ninja Turtle or watch the Beach Boys perform “Kokomo” for the umpteenth time.
posted by mannequito at 12:33 PM on October 24, 2012 [2 favorites]


The woman who played Kimmy Gibler is awesome. She has a master's in women's studies from York University. And she runs marathons and is an administrator at some college in CA.

I've been following her Twitter. She's the real winner out of the whole Full House cast. Well, her and the billionaire Olson twins.

I feel grossed out thinking of Alanis Morissette and Dave Coulier. Dave Coulier is so gross. John Stamos I could understand. But ew otherwise.
posted by discopolo at 12:34 PM on October 24, 2012 [4 favorites]


You obviously didn't see Saturday Night Live last weekend then.

Oh, is that show still on?
posted by dubold at 12:40 PM on October 24, 2012 [3 favorites]


That Kimmy Gibler article has managed to condense all the reasons I couldn't stand Full House into one single, succinct argument in a way that I never could. It is like a shining crystal of truth.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:46 PM on October 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


While watching Looper, I thought the Mob-Boss who came back in time to run the Loopers looked like Dave Coulier, so every time he was on screen I was playing the theme song to Full House in my head.
posted by hellojed at 12:48 PM on October 24, 2012


That Kimmy Gibbler article is amazing.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 12:55 PM on October 24, 2012


That Kimmy Gibler article has managed to condense all the reasons I couldn't stand Full House into one single, succinct argument in a way that I never could. It is like a shining crystal of truth.

TheWhiteSkull, you'll then love (or hate) Full House Reviewed.
posted by Melismata at 12:59 PM on October 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


I wonder what would happen if you got Dave Coulier and Jeff Daniels in a room together?
posted by carsonb at 1:35 PM on October 24, 2012 [2 favorites]


Now do "Who's the boss?"
posted by blue_beetle at 1:37 PM on October 24, 2012


Who Indeed?
posted by mannequito at 2:00 PM on October 24, 2012 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: deep down we know we’re all Kimmy Gibblers.
posted by Pecinpah at 2:01 PM on October 24, 2012 [2 favorites]


I tried thinking of the Full House theme song, but all that would come to mind was the Mentos commercial jingle. Still works.
posted by broken wheelchair at 2:17 PM on October 24, 2012 [3 favorites]


I love the writing style on the Full House Reviewed site. The best description I can think of would be 'crass intellectualism'.
posted by owtytrof at 2:18 PM on October 24, 2012


I fully expect the Full House Reviewed guy to be driven insane by the experience.
posted by ckape at 2:25 PM on October 24, 2012


I love Tom Hanks SO MUCH. He is just the coolest dude. *gushes*
posted by two lights above the sea at 2:36 PM on October 24, 2012


This wins ALL the internets slams!
posted by psylosyren at 2:37 PM on October 24, 2012


"It's Fuckin Late" with Dave Coulier
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 2:39 PM on October 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh Lord. From the Full House Reviewed site:

Now, before I can talk about Derek, I feel like I should clarify that I’m not trying to make fun of gay people. I’ve talked a lot about all the gay shit that’s appeared on full house because it’s pretty unavoidable, but if anything I feel bad for gay people that their lifestyles are portrayed as so preposterous and comical on this show. Throughout the years we’ve seen some pretty fucking gay shit on Full House, like Joey and Jesse’s writhing bodies pressed together, Joey getting raped in prison while dressed in drag, and Jesse with an apron on, preparing dinner for Danny as he gets home from work, but all of that shit seems like penises in vaginas now that Derek’s on the scene. Derek is the gayest goddamn thing I’ve ever even heard of. Watching him on screen for one second is like watching a thousand hours of hardcore gay anal sex. He’s so gay that he makes Dan Savage look like Rush Limbaugh. He makes the gay pride parade look like a wet t-shirt contest. He makes Margeret Cho’s stand-up comedy look like Andrew Dice Clay’s stand-up comedy. That kid Derek is so motherfucking gay that while I was watching him perform “Yankee Doodle,” Harvey Fierstein burst through my wall like the Kool-Aid man and jerked off all over my keyboard, and I wasn’t even surprised.

And let's not even get into how I alternately convulsively shuddered and laughed until I cried when I saw the screen cap of Danny in the bathtub with Becky and Jesse's twin preschoolers. My sister liked Full House and watched it a lot and so I wound up absorbing a little of it by osmosis, but I never liked it and don't think I ever actually watched an entire show start to finish. I always thought I didn't like it because it was incredibly stupid and annoying, but now I know I didn't like it because it was fucked up.
posted by orange swan at 3:05 PM on October 24, 2012 [7 favorites]


Joey getting raped in prison while dressed in drag

I, uh .... guess I missed that episode?
posted by mannequito at 3:07 PM on October 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


I don't understand all the Dave Coulier hate. Don't you guys know he does funny voices? He's not REALLY a jackalope either, he just played one on America's Funniest People. Plus standing that close to Tawny Kitaen is enough to make anyone awesome.
posted by TheRedArmy at 3:13 PM on October 24, 2012


After many years on the internet, I can't believe I'm surprised that a blog dedicated to reviews of every episode of Full House exists, but I am.
posted by nosila at 3:48 PM on October 24, 2012


I'm really glad my Kimmy Gibbler add-on link was also appreciated by so many; I feel like the homunculus of shitty 90s TV shows.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 3:59 PM on October 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


Taken as a fond parody of slam poetry, this is a home run.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:45 PM on October 24, 2012


I needed this in my life. Thank you.
posted by waltzingalong at 6:14 PM on October 24, 2012


I thought it was a Fairport Convention reference?
posted by ovvl at 6:28 PM on October 24, 2012


Guys, I'm pretty sure that's Roy Disney.
D'oh! Isn't he playing Walt in the movie?

Also: I wonder if he did this as a bid to instigate a rap battle with his son?
posted by smirkette at 6:58 PM on October 24, 2012


"It's Fuckin Late" with Dave Coulier
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 2:39 PM on October 24 [1 favorite +] [!]


Holy crap, have Dave Coulier and Andrea Barber aged at all in the last 20 years? That is some Dorian Gray shit right there.

Although it does look like Uncle Joey's in a wig (as mentioned in the video), so maybe it's all wigs and makeup and CGI.
posted by good in a vacuum at 9:10 PM on October 24, 2012


Join us next time for the conclusion; "See, this is what happens when you wait until after 60 to get stoned for the first time", or "Hey, I'd like to do weed thing on your show for funny."
(in the spirit of Rocky & Bullwinkle)
posted by QueerAngel28 at 9:10 PM on October 24, 2012


...I feel like I should clarify that I’m not trying to make fun of gay people...

...followed by a series of statements over which gay is escalated as the ultimate insult. crass, but not intellectualism.
posted by fallacy of the beard at 9:06 AM on October 25, 2012


Uncle Joey

As much as I haaaaaaaaaate Full House, the fact that I watched every episode while it aired (I'm the same age as Stephanie) means I feel entirely obligated to shout something right now.

THERE IS NO UNCLE JOEY!!! There's Uncle Jesse, and there's Joey.

Joey is just some guy.

I don't know how Mrs. Tanner died, but he's the first person I'd ask.
posted by Sys Rq at 3:45 PM on October 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


This was pretty great, but Tom Hank's appearance on "The Colbert Report" last night made me laugh so hard, I pulled a muscle in my neck. So, so great.
posted by ColdChef at 3:55 AM on October 26, 2012


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