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"Rumor is Disney is basing its next cartoon on you." No, it won't be "Dumbo 2"
October 24, 2012 12:59 PM   Subscribe

Emergency Compliment Random reassurances, as close as your web browser. (Of course, if you like what they say, they'll sell you a poster.)
posted by oneswellfoop (50 comments total) 13 users marked this as a favorite

 
"Your voice sounds like a thousand cats purring. Also, I'm on acid."
posted by griphus at 1:01 PM on October 24, 2012 [4 favorites]


In case of disgruntlement, click here.
posted by zamboni at 1:03 PM on October 24, 2012 [4 favorites]


Site looks best if you have Helvetica font installed. Otherwise, you'll get Arial. Which is not all that complimentary. (Couldn't these people have popped for some webfonts?)
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:03 PM on October 24, 2012


"Don't worry, your eyesight will return soon, once you stop looking at these glaring florescent colors!"

I'm betting my next paycheck on these showing up on a million facebook status reports...
posted by HuronBob at 1:04 PM on October 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


Your criticism is earnest and refreshing.
posted by griphus at 1:04 PM on October 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


Your insincerity makes my heart sing.
posted by HuronBob at 1:06 PM on October 24, 2012


I'm desperate enough for a compliment to take this as it is.
posted by tommasz at 1:06 PM on October 24, 2012


"Your parents aren't worried about you."

THAT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE DEAD

/batman
posted by elizardbits at 1:07 PM on October 24, 2012 [25 favorites]


Madeline: Rose, aren't you forgetting something?

Rose: It's only Thursday.

Madeline: I know, but I think I need to hear it every day

Rose: Why Madame! You're looking younger everyday!

Madeline: Thank you Rose! Thank you very much!

posted by The Whelk at 1:08 PM on October 24, 2012


See also the wonderful spoken word album CHEERS TO YOU!.....
posted by theartandsound at 1:09 PM on October 24, 2012


Goddammit now I have to watch Death Becomes Her again.
posted by griphus at 1:12 PM on October 24, 2012 [2 favorites]


"You could be an astronaut if you wanted. NASA told me so."

Yeah, those bastards like about the moon landing too...
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:12 PM on October 24, 2012


"You actually looked super graceful that time you tripped in front of everyone."

I appear to have stumbled onto BackHandedCompliments.com by accident.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:16 PM on October 24, 2012


"You're the best at making cereal."

oh bummer..i got the sarcasm one.
posted by ShawnString at 1:19 PM on October 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


I feel so much worse
posted by MangyCarface at 1:22 PM on October 24, 2012


All the compliments in a list, if you get sick of reloading.
posted by aparrish at 1:23 PM on October 24, 2012


But I didn't have a prom date.
posted by dinty_moore at 1:24 PM on October 24, 2012


"You have the power to start and WIN a dance-off."

That actually did make me feel better about myself.
posted by asperity at 1:30 PM on October 24, 2012


Well crap- that's about as satisfying as an online birthday party.
posted by Phyllis Harmonic at 1:31 PM on October 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


You look nice today.
posted by boo_radley at 1:42 PM on October 24, 2012 [3 favorites]


relevant
posted by elizardbits at 1:44 PM on October 24, 2012


I like the one with manatees.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:46 PM on October 24, 2012 [10 favorites]


You look nice today.

So yesterday I was what, a pig's breakfast? Oh god, what was wrong with the way I looked yesterday? Was it the jeans? I put on my fat jeans, didn't I? Do you think anyone else noticed? Oh god, of course they noticed, you did. You should have said something! I mean, it would have hurt, but I could have changed and at least everyone else wouldn't have seen my hideous fat butt in those jeans...
posted by maxwelton at 1:48 PM on October 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


You looken sharpen todayen, Mein Herr.
posted by griphus at 1:50 PM on October 24, 2012


If my sneezes really do sound like a chorus of angels singing, you are obviously on acid. But thanks for the compliment.
posted by kozad at 1:51 PM on October 24, 2012


If you've never seen an elephant ski heard a chorus of angels sing, then you've never been on acid.
posted by griphus at 1:52 PM on October 24, 2012


"You're parents aren't worried about you."

oh dear
posted by notseamus at 1:53 PM on October 24, 2012 [5 favorites]


The internet: the best resource for depersonalized, lowest-common-denominator compliments since the advent of the cubicle.
posted by dubusadus at 1:53 PM on October 24, 2012


Site looks best if you have Helvetica font installed. Otherwise, you'll get Arial. Which is not all that complimentary.
Well even without webfonts, at least Helvetica and Arial are mostly complementary...
posted by cyclotronboy at 1:55 PM on October 24, 2012


This site is seriously underestimating how often people pee in the shower.
posted by phunniemee at 1:59 PM on October 24, 2012


I loved "Calming Manatee" until I got to this one.
posted by ChuraChura at 2:06 PM on October 24, 2012 [5 favorites]


maxwelton: So yesterday I was what, a pig's breakfast? Oh god, what was wrong with the way I looked yesterday? Was it the jeans? I put on my fat jeans, didn't I? Do you think anyone else noticed? Oh god, of course they noticed, you did. You should have said something! I mean, it would have hurt, but I could have changed and at least everyone else wouldn't have seen my hideous fat butt in those jeans...

If you'd been wearing your Jerk Hat, nobody would have noticed.
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:14 PM on October 24, 2012


maxwelton: "So yesterday I was what, a pig's breakfast?"

No, no. You looked nice yesterday, too. You're fine.
posted by boo_radley at 2:25 PM on October 24, 2012


You fart with magnificent savoir faire.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 2:42 PM on October 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


Chuckle at the New York Times Sunday crossword? It's Wednesday and I'm not even a quarter finished. Thanks for rubbing it in, Emergency Compliment.
posted by Gymnopedist at 2:43 PM on October 24, 2012


Where do I report a web page that won't stop hitting on me??
posted by LordSludge at 3:26 PM on October 24, 2012


You like me. You really like me!
posted by scratch at 3:36 PM on October 24, 2012


You fart with magnificent savoir faire.

I don't fart. I whisper in my panties.

(Emergency Compliment meets someecards)
posted by caryatid at 3:50 PM on October 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


"You're parents aren't worried about you."

...anymore.
posted by blue_beetle at 4:12 PM on October 24, 2012


Your pet loves you too much to ever run away.

Tell me this once, it's reassuring.
Tell me this ten times, and I start to wonder. Is there something I don't know? Has my pet been talking to you about this?
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:31 PM on October 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


Site looks best if you have Helvetica font installed. Otherwise, you'll get Arial. Which is not all that complimentary.
Well even without webfonts, at least Helvetica and Arial are mostly complementary...


I did not misspell complementary. I MEANT complimentary.
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:43 PM on October 24, 2012


"You're parents aren't worried about you."

Got that right. Pretending to be dead so as not to deal with estranged/abandoned offspring means he's only worried I'll find him.
posted by cmyk at 5:13 PM on October 24, 2012


Glad I didn't send this to a coworker when I saw there was an "I want to kiss you" one. I like my coworkers but not that much.
posted by bleep at 5:30 PM on October 24, 2012


"Keep walking around naked. Your neighbors are into it"

I knew it!
posted by arcticseal at 7:26 PM on October 24, 2012


You know, I thought I'd get a giggle out of this, that it'd be a lark. Then it laid this on me:
Your parents are more proud of you than you'll ever know.

Now I feel awesome AND I'm crying.
posted by ApathyGirl at 10:39 PM on October 24, 2012


Would you people stop reposting the grammatical error?! It's causing me real physical pain.
posted by jrochest at 10:52 PM on October 24, 2012


Would you people stop reposting the grammatical error?! It's causing me real physical pain.

That one's not even vaguely heart-warming.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 10:59 PM on October 24, 2012


Maxwelton, you look nice today.
posted by boo_radley at 8:37 AM on October 25, 2012


Your concept of grammar is creative and inventive.
posted by griphus at 8:42 AM on October 25, 2012


Maxwelton, I wanted to let you know that you look nice today.
posted by boo_radley at 7:59 AM on October 26, 2012


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