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October 25, 2012 9:13 AM   Subscribe

Tutorial, How to eat a Triceratops. (Most useful if you happen to be a T. rex.)
posted by jfuller (39 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

 
Triceratops: crawfish of the Cretaceous
posted by brundlefly at 9:15 AM on October 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


Step 0.5 - pluck out all the brightly-colored plumage. You don't want to get feathers in your teeth.
posted by Curious Artificer at 9:16 AM on October 25, 2012


Quite interesting but I do not like seeing my favorite dinosaur get eaten.
posted by griphus at 9:19 AM on October 25, 2012 [3 favorites]


I love the expression on the T. Rex's face. So malicious, so gleeful, so methodical.
posted by grobstein at 9:22 AM on October 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


Step five: Place the emptied out head on your own like a hat and chase your buddies around.
posted by orme at 9:22 AM on October 25, 2012 [12 favorites]


Someone should get this information to Melinda Mae, stat.
posted by phong3d at 9:23 AM on October 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


I read this out loud to Triceratops, my beloved but terribly annoying cat, last night as she was fighting with me for my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She was not at all intimidated.
posted by ChuraChura at 9:24 AM on October 25, 2012 [5 favorites]


Q: How do you eat a Triceratops?

A: Very carefully.
No, that's not good. Try again.

A: Raptorously.
Nope. Still stinks. Give it another go.

A: Try-one-with-sauce-rus, Rex.
OK. I quit.
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:24 AM on October 25, 2012 [5 favorites]


I spent a couple of hours on Tuesday wandering around the Museum of Natural History in Manhattan - I had forgotten how much I adored dinosaurs as a kid. They have a fantastic ceratopsean display. Much recommended.
posted by restless_nomad at 9:29 AM on October 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


My girlfriend and I went there a little over a year ago, and had roughly the same experience. As a kid, dinosaurs are fucking everywhere. I mean, where I grew up, between the ages of, say, 6 and 12, you couldn't spit without hitting a dinosaur-themed lunchbox or book cover or poster or cartoons or whatever. But as an adult (at least one without kids,) unless you are a paleontologist or run a Michael Crichton fansite, there are no more ambient dinosaurs. If you want dinosaurs, you have to actively seek them out and maybe a NatGeo special here or magazine article there but that's about it. And then you go to a museum and there's a T-Rex skeleton towering far, far above you and it's just a holy shit dinosaurs are awesome moment and it is great.
posted by griphus at 9:34 AM on October 25, 2012 [6 favorites]


(NB: If I am missing some sort of career that has a non-zero dinosaur ambience rating, please let me know what it is and how I can apply for it.)
posted by griphus at 9:36 AM on October 25, 2012


being bill watterson seems to involve a higher than normal dinosaur saturation.
posted by elizardbits at 9:38 AM on October 25, 2012 [3 favorites]


"You're going to feel really dumb if you don't click this and then can't eat a triceratops when you need to do so because you didn't real this article."

An actual window into my inner life that suggests maybe I should just avoid the Internet all together.

I did a little research to determine why I, like griphus, found the eating of a triceratops so upsetting. Maybe Wikipedia would remind me of some depiction in popular media that I held dear. No luck, but I did learn that the triceratops was the state dinosaur of Wyoming.

So, now, in case you're curious:

List of U.S. state dinosaurs
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:39 AM on October 25, 2012


P.S. I love that the Related Posts for this post is "What would Michelle Bachmann eat?"
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:40 AM on October 25, 2012


This is where I share my theory about how dinosaurs must have tasted like chicken.

Dinosaurs evolved from early crocodiles and birds evolved from dinosaurs.

I haven't eaten crocodile, but I have eaten alligator, and alligator tastes like gamey chicken. I have also eaten chicken, and chicken tastes remarkably like chicken.

It only makes sense that dinosaurs tasted like chicken, too.
posted by phunniemee at 9:40 AM on October 25, 2012


WHY DOESN'T NEW YORK HAVE A STATE DINOSAUR THIS IS OUTRAGE!
posted by The Whelk at 9:40 AM on October 25, 2012


(NB: If I am missing some sort of career that has a non-zero dinosaur ambience rating, please let me know what it is and how I can apply for it.)

Parenting.

Once you have kids, the dinosaurs are once again fucking everywhere.
posted by chavenet at 9:41 AM on October 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


List of U.S. state dinosaurs

That is some bullshit. How does Illinois not get a dinosaur? Even if we were covered with a sea back then, that's no excuse for us not to co-opt some other state's dinosaur! IT'S JUST THAT IMPORTANT.

All we've got is the dippy tully monster.
posted by phunniemee at 9:42 AM on October 25, 2012 [3 favorites]


I'm pleased that New Jersey's state dinosaur is the Hadrosaur. I'm sure it's because of Dino Rock and the Hadrosaur from Hackensack.
posted by ChuraChura at 9:45 AM on October 25, 2012


New York's dinosaur is Morgenthau and we think he is tops.
posted by elizardbits at 9:47 AM on October 25, 2012


List of U.S. state dinosaurs

The only dinosaur fossil ever found in Oregon belonged to a creature that actually lived and died in California, then moved to Oregon via plate tectonics.

But, given the current Oregon demographic, sorta apt.
posted by Danf at 9:50 AM on October 25, 2012 [5 favorites]


When I was in sixth grade (I think) we chose the state fish in Illinois. The bluegill won state-wide even though my campaign for the catfish won for our school district. (Said campaign involved making a catfish costume out of butcher paper and convincing one of the kids in my group to wear it to all the other classrooms.) When the bluegill (which came in last in our school's vote) won state wide, it was my first disappointment at how elections sometimes empower people who don't know what the fuck they are talking about.

As for why Illinois doesn't have a state dinosaur, it's probably because they haven't found any dinosaur fossils here, which was a surprise to me when I went through my dinosaur-phase as an adult. (See this great AskMe question from that time period -- yes, the question is mine but the answers are the great part.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:53 AM on October 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


TRICERATOPS STEW

Ingredients:
1 Triceratops
Brown gravy to cover

Instructions:
(1) Cut the triceratops into half-inch cubes.
(2) Add brown gravy.
(3) Simmer until tender.

Serve over noodles or with rice.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:54 AM on October 25, 2012


noodles? rice? what kind of mishegoss is this fake paleo diet?
posted by elizardbits at 9:55 AM on October 25, 2012 [1 favorite]



noodles? rice? what kind of mishegoss is this fake paleo diet?

No! This is the Jurassic Diet. Carbs of OK as long as you can find them.
posted by Danf at 9:57 AM on October 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


Loves to eat them 'topses...
'topses what I loves to eat.
Bite they little heads off,
Nibble on they tiny feet.
posted by drhydro at 10:27 AM on October 25, 2012 [7 favorites]


noodles? rice? what kind of mishegoss is this fake paleo diet?

It's obviously a paleontology diet.
posted by Turkey Glue at 11:19 AM on October 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


Q: How do you eat a Triceratops?
Step 5: Feast on the delicacies beneath the frill.


Indeed.
posted by Kabanos at 11:34 AM on October 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


One bite at a time.
posted by bpm140 at 11:36 AM on October 25, 2012


Decisions, decisions. Shall I show this to my dinosaur-mad son? Or will the idea of a T-Rex ripping off a triceratops' head traumatize the five-year-old?
posted by bardophile at 1:47 PM on October 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


Now, now, people: let's not lose our heads.
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 1:57 PM on October 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


One bite at a...

dammit
posted by jquinby at 3:09 PM on October 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


"Tender Meat of the Face " is one of the creepiest phrases I've heard in a while. But it'd make a good song title.
posted by benito.strauss at 3:23 PM on October 25, 2012 [4 favorites]


But what's the best seasoning for triceratops? I'm thinking a nice jerk.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:52 PM on October 25, 2012


What's a T. rex's favorite cut of meat?

Tri-tip!

Wakka wakka wakka!
posted by brundlefly at 5:01 PM on October 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


I just made that up.
posted by brundlefly at 5:02 PM on October 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


One leg over each shoulder?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 8:13 PM on October 25, 2012


I have eaten
the triceratops
that were in
the late Cretaceous

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold,
clever girl!
posted by blue_beetle at 5:17 AM on October 26, 2012


Well, Ohio's got no dinosaur, and our "official fossil" is some kinda lame trilobite, but at least Cleveland's got the Dunlkeosteus terrelli.
posted by soundguy99 at 8:02 AM on October 26, 2012


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