"No licensed characters here, just the raw eroticism of a rooster translated flawlessly into a skirt and leggings."
October 28, 2012 6:28 AM   Subscribe

Something Awful's Fashion SWAT returns to review sexy Halloween costumes such as Sexy Grinch, Sexy Rooster, and Sexy Woolly Mammoth. (Previously)
posted by EndsOfInvention (75 comments total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
 
moar
posted by Foci for Analysis at 6:35 AM on October 28, 2012


Mid-party costume change: Grab a bloody rolling pin, lose the tie, and voila! Your Sexy Beetlejuice suddenly turns into Sexy Mrs Lovett.
posted by mochapickle at 6:47 AM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


The collection of sexy costumes is hilarious.
The commentary not so much.
posted by chavenet at 7:10 AM on October 28, 2012 [7 favorites]


...no Frog?
posted by delfin at 7:16 AM on October 28, 2012 [5 favorites]


If I could get serious for a moment, I'm so outraged at our society's constant insistence on sexualizing woolly mammoths

I appreciate that the Beetlejuice costume has "Beetlejuice" written on it like a helpful flash card.
posted by arcticseal at 7:18 AM on October 28, 2012 [4 favorites]


Dr. Thorpenstein: You'll be breaking hearts AND treaties in our hunky Andrew Jackson ensemble.

Excuse me while I stand and applaud.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 7:27 AM on October 28, 2012 [8 favorites]


For Cortex.
posted by unSane at 7:28 AM on October 28, 2012 [2 favorites]


Ironically, Ms. Mintcake and I had a conversation yesterday re Halloween that included the phrases "sexy radiologist" and "sexy haberdasher." Don't invite us to your party.
posted by mintcake! at 7:30 AM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


"For those of you with too much pride to look at the site, you can actually mix-n-match all the absurdly expensive costume components, so you could be Sexy Beetlejuice but with Sexy Mammoth feet and a Sexy Rooster comb."

If I had lots of money, a Halloween party to go to, and an urge to wear a sexy costume, this is what I would go as.
posted by jeather at 7:30 AM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


VOTE CORN PARTY 2012
posted by mintcake! at 7:34 AM on October 28, 2012 [2 favorites]


sexy... corn field......

what's next, Sexy Spinach? Sexy Sriracha? Sexy Coq au Vin? I mean, you could just dress up as the rooster, bring a bottle of red wine, and you'd be all, "hi, I'm sexy coq au vin" and on an edible objectification level that would be so much more rational than sexy... corn field......
posted by fraula at 7:41 AM on October 28, 2012 [2 favorites]


Yeah, it seems like every year there is a story of this kind, and the "sexy" costumes keep getting more and weirder. It might be easy just to name "sexy" costumes so far not done, then somebody will do them this year for sheer devilment, and we can knock it on the head.

Sexy Pope
Sexy Terrorist
Sexy Sperm
Sexy Cancer Patient
Sexy Pottery Shard
Sexy Radioisotope
Sexy Troy VIIa Archeological Layer
Sexy Intercalary Month (oh yeah, work that Adar)

Have at it!
posted by Jehan at 7:54 AM on October 28, 2012 [5 favorites]


God the Something Awful house style is getting old.

Planet Fabulous costume: Obviously she's an adult member of the same race as the Teletubbies. They fill out nicely as they adolesce.

Sexy Rooster costume: I'm reminded of Dom Deluise on the Muppet Show in a (considerably less sexy thank god) costume, saying "How do I get out of this chicken outfit?" Sometimes the classics are best. SA says: "She's going to get ALL the boys, flopping its big polyester horse dong around like that." AUGH SA TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING FOR HORSE DONG.

Deluxe Woolly Mammoth costume: The "deluxe" part, I guess, is how you wousldn't know what the hell the costume is supposed to be without the name.

Indian Princess costume: Really an update of a standby. It is interesting to note what elements of this costume communicate Native American: the leather tassels, the headdress, and the feathers. Without even one of those the theme of the costume would be weakened to the point of confusion, proving the makers thought about this one in bare economic terms: the cheapest Indian suit the could make.

Fozzie costume: Not so much a costume as a themed dress. Having a big ol' second face sticking out of your torso is a time-honored deformity in the tradition of Total Recall, Krang from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Astaroth from Ghosts & Goblins, but it loses something when your digestive system is shouting WOKKA-WOKKA-WOKKA.

Sexy Corn Field: What happens when that kid from the Twilight Zone visits a strip club. SA: "I can buy that. We want them inside of us, whether we eat them or just straight up shuck them and shove them raw into our hungry holes." Ironic pose or not, people like this are why the Internet is a bad place.

Sexy Donatelo (sic) costume: You'd think they could pay to have the shell drawn better. A lot of costumes, when you think about it, are just you paying to wear some piece of childhood cultural detritus on your body. Like we haven't heard enough about the fucking Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in our lives.
posted by JHarris at 7:55 AM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


Sexy Sriracha?

You say this as if Sriracha was not always sexy.

Having got that out of the way, I find these photo galleries... a little weird. The commentary is... crudely sexist? ironically crudely sexist, so not actually sexist? actually sexist despite being "ironically" sexist? It leaves me with an uncomfortable feeling in my thinking parts.

On the other hand, those costumes are... hard to explain, even is part of me is "sexy cornfield? well, whatever gets you through Halloween, I suppose." It's kind of like the "Kill one person, you are a monster, kill a million and you are a statesman" of costumes. Like it's a challenge "Oh, you did not like Sexy Rooster? How about Sexy Cornfield?" Although even that is falling short, since the real line of thinking should be "Oh, you did not like Sexy Rooster? How about Sexy Rooster Cogburn?"
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:04 AM on October 28, 2012 [5 favorites]


I wonder if I'll get served by sexy air crew on KLM that night?
posted by infini at 8:31 AM on October 28, 2012


What, no sexy Donald Trump?
posted by Decani at 8:35 AM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


Sexy Chucky will infiltrate and confuse my nightmares.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 8:38 AM on October 28, 2012


I've been trying decide for years what the appropriate send-up of the whole sexy whatever would be for a male who doesn't really like that the default female costume is a sexy whatever.

Do I just get a sexy astronaut costume or whatever and wear it? Do I try to be a most un-sexy catholic schoolgirl? If I just wear what would constitute a sexy costume if a female were wearing it, do i go with the most stereotypical, or would, say, the sexy cornfield introduce the appropriate amount of cognitive dissonance?

Fuck it, I'm going as hunky Andrew Jackson.
posted by cmoj at 8:46 AM on October 28, 2012 [2 favorites]


Pretty much any costume is sexy with the right girl inside.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 8:52 AM on October 28, 2012 [4 favorites]


Re: Sexy dinosaur costume.

"Aww yeah, I wouldn't mind watching her spitting acid goo in a fat guy's face and disemboweling him on a muddy hillside."

Either I'm really far behind on modern understandings of paleontology, or the fashion world needs some 100-level courses.
posted by bswinburn at 8:52 AM on October 28, 2012 [2 favorites]


But some of these aren't even sexy. Or "sexy". Like the Ninja Turtle one, unless it's because she's wearing shorts. Corn field wasn't that "sexy" either.
posted by DU at 8:53 AM on October 28, 2012


Corn field wasn't that "sexy" either.

Clearly you are not from Iowa.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:55 AM on October 28, 2012 [5 favorites]


Still waiting for "Sexy Holocaust Victim". We haven't hit bottom yet!
posted by blue_beetle at 8:55 AM on October 28, 2012 [2 favorites]


You are all familiar with sexy mustard, no?
posted by Dr. Zira at 9:01 AM on October 28, 2012 [2 favorites]


It's not the costume that makes that mustard sexy.
posted by zippy at 9:02 AM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


John Oliver said it best in an episode of The Bugle, where he said that, due to a mailing mix-up, he would be going to a party as a nurse, and somewhere out there a girl would be going to her party as Sexy Ernest Hemmingway.
posted by benito.strauss at 9:25 AM on October 28, 2012 [3 favorites]


chavenet: "The collection of sexy costumes is hilarious. The commentary not so much."

I don't know: "Man, she just looks like Ke$ha on some particularly ill-advised shit" is pretty funny.
posted by absqua at 9:41 AM on October 28, 2012 [3 favorites]


Either I'm really far behind on modern understandings of paleontology

It's a reference to a scene in Jurassic Park.
posted by msbrauer at 9:48 AM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


Well, last year I went as a Sexy French Trapper, justifying the costume name by the fact that 1) I am a female and 2) by virtue of being a female, any costume I put on is 'sexy' by default.

I mean I was just wearing big old pants and boots under a big fur cloak and a coon skin cap, and I was wearing a moustache, but judging by the main link it seems like my 'if-worn-by-a-woman=sexy' theory rings true.

I maintain the moustache was the really sexy part.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 9:48 AM on October 28, 2012 [8 favorites]


I really think the time has come for an end to Sexy Normally Not Sexy Thing costumes and a beginning to Unsexy Normally Sexy Thing constumes.

Unsexy stripper! Unsexy starlet! Unsexy underwear model! These are the costumes my heart craves.
posted by kenko at 10:03 AM on October 28, 2012 [12 favorites]


I'm embarrassed to admit that I find the corn dress, divorced from the context of "sexy Halloween" bullshit, to be kinda cool. I would like to see other vegetable attire.
posted by werkzeuger at 10:08 AM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


I've been considering "Sexy Dian Fossey Zombie" to try to capture as many worn out zeitgeists as possible this Halloween, and also fit in at my anthropology department Halloween party.
posted by ChuraChura at 10:13 AM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


Foci for Analysis: moar

Most of those kinda blur a line that I feel like shouldn't be blurry. To be more precise: most of those are costumes people made with their own hands to wear at a convention or party or something. I think it's pretty funny that a costume company would commercially produce something as ludicrous as a Sexy Rooster, but I feel kinda weird pointing and laughing at people who just wanted to have fun dressing up.
posted by koeselitz at 10:15 AM on October 28, 2012 [3 favorites]


What? No mention of Sexy Jesus yet?
posted by bjrn at 10:42 AM on October 28, 2012


Sexy Troy VIIa Archeological Layer

Wait this is the best idea [insert archaeologist/dating pun here]
posted by jetlagaddict at 10:44 AM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


Someone I follow on twitter went as sexy slavoj zizek this year..
posted by Another Fine Product From The Nonsense Factory at 10:55 AM on October 28, 2012 [11 favorites]


The SA guys said exactly what I was thinking about that Sexy Fozzie Bear costume. You can't just put on a slinky dress with Fozzie Bear's face on it and call it a costume! That's bullshit! She would get no candy at my door.
posted by Justinian at 11:03 AM on October 28, 2012 [2 favorites]


To be more precise: most of those are costumes people made with their own hands to wear at a convention

I dunno. Some of them are, sure. But I'm pretty sure, for example, that's Sara Jean Underwood in the Padme costume at the car wash. My understanding is that a lot of the cosplaying women at SDCC are paid models.
posted by Justinian at 11:07 AM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


What? No mention of Sexy Jesus yet?
Hunky Jesus is for Easter.
posted by smirkette at 11:11 AM on October 28, 2012


some halloween costumes are eroticized whereas the subject of the costume would not appear to lend itself to such a treatment. some halloween costumes are also badly done

sexy airplane food
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 11:17 AM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


Rule 34a: If it exists, there is a commercially availably Sexy Hallowe'en costume of it.
posted by unSane at 11:47 AM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


Unsexy stripper! Unsexy starlet! Unsexy underwear model! These are the costumes my heart craves.



Those things are usually pretty unsexy anyway.



Just not on purpose.



*continues planning sexy plague doctor costume*






OK it is a regular plague doctor but they are always sexy amirite

GET AWAY FROM THAT GUY HE HAS THE PLAGUE *THWACK*

I AM NOT A REAL DOCTOR BUT I HAVE A STICK


rawr

posted by louche mustachio at 12:04 PM on October 28, 2012 [5 favorites]


Yeah, this has been done to death, not just the Sexy Costume concept but the idiocy of designers who pair it with no forethought whatsoever into some kind of creepster nightmare.

Hey singles ladies, want to snare that elusive pedophile? Why not try the Sexy Ernie, Bert or Big Bird costume this Halloween?!

I far prefer dry humor of Costumes Your Children Are Too Young to Understand.

Especially Wilson. Heh.
posted by misha at 12:07 PM on October 28, 2012 [6 favorites]


"Come over here, fella, my meat is stringy and gamy and I just wanna chase you around the yard."
Ohh god, I was eating....
posted by notsnot at 12:13 PM on October 28, 2012


Besides, if you want to go as a Sexy Dinosaur, OBVIOUSLY you go as the Eoabelisaurus mefi. Duh.

Or maybe elizardbits.
posted by misha at 12:19 PM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


I see you've been at the Halloween punch again, misha
posted by infini at 12:29 PM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


Weirdly gender-blending Sexy Beetlejuice seems like a good start on the legitimately female and legitimately Sexy Chiana from Farscape.
posted by dhartung at 1:00 PM on October 28, 2012


Check out this classy Confederate Soldier costume from the people at Kidz Klassic Kostumes.

"KKK... That's not good."
posted by porn in the woods at 1:03 PM on October 28, 2012


Ladies, gentlemen, BEHOLD! Sexy V for Vendetta, truly the Watchmen prequels of sexy costumes. (via The Worst And Weirdest Store-Bought Comics & Games Costumes For Halloween 2012, last but one entry is particularly terrifying)

I of course rock Sexy Paul Kinsey from Mad Men, though you better believe it's homemade, not store.
posted by Artw at 1:06 PM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]



Do I just get a sexy astronaut costume or whatever and wear it?

SEXY ASTRONAUTS
posted by The Whelk at 1:17 PM on October 28, 2012


Sexy Notary
Sexy Cannoli
Sexy Polish Hussar
Sexy Maréchal Leclerc
Sexy Hinge
Sexy Bottle of Night Train
Sexy Timon
Sexy Pumbaa
Sexy Left-turn Lane
Sexy Peace of Utrecht
Sexy Marcus Porcius Cato Major
Sexy Marcus Porcius Cato Minor
Sexy Bassoonist
Sexy 1973 Campagnolo Super Record Derailleur

Feel free to use any of these ideas.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:28 PM on October 28, 2012 [5 favorites]


what? No Sexy Plate of Beans? No Sexy Treaty of Westphalia? No Sexy Cabal? No Sexy HAMBURGER (with Taters)?

Of course, any of the current MeFi t-shirts can be a "sexy costume" if you wear nothing else - more so if it's one or more sizes too small. (Flag THAT and Move On) (You ARE the product being sold... yeah.)
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:56 PM on October 28, 2012


Can someone explain to me why the "deluxe" wooly mammoth has no tusks, but does have horns?

Am I missing some new information from the Pleistocene scene?
posted by IAmBroom at 2:07 PM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


TheWhiteSkull: "Sexy 1973 Campagnolo Super Record Derailleur"

No fair. Those are already sexy. Very sexy.
posted by stet at 2:10 PM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


Sexy Treaty of Westphalia


YES


Might have to do that instead. Can I still thwack people with a stick?
posted by louche mustachio at 2:12 PM on October 28, 2012


I figured there must be a Sexy Obama (Female) out there, but unexpectedly, I was wrong.
posted by dhartung at 2:13 PM on October 28, 2012


My costume is sexy night time surfing flannel pajamas from Uniqlo with ratty old sweater and logofied t shirt from last place of employment.
posted by infini at 2:13 PM on October 28, 2012


Looking at some of these others, and AAAAH! A sexy Candy Land costume!

(I once spent 18 months working on Candy Land video games and by the end I was having nightmares about Mister Mint chasing me with hand grenades.)

However, the small kid dressed up as Buster Bluth in the army is hilarious. You can always tell a Milford Man.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 2:25 PM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


Someone I follow on twitter went as sexy slavoj zizek this year..

oh, oh, oh ... and are there any Herzog and/or Chomsky ones to match?? I'd go to THAT party!
posted by Surfurrus at 2:27 PM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


It bothers me that such articles seem to be fuzzy on whether they're making fun of the companies producing such stupid sexy costumes or the women who wear them. It's turned into an annual excuse for a frenzy of woman hating.
posted by gentian at 3:22 PM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


Models gotta make a living too. Anyone purchasing the things though...
posted by Artw at 3:25 PM on October 28, 2012


This isn't a sexy Donatello, this is a sexy Donatello.

Also, really want that sexy plate of bean costume (or at least see some photoshop of it).
posted by el io at 3:28 PM on October 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


Sexy Bassoonist

Not quite, but sexy oboist.
posted by porpoise at 3:29 PM on October 28, 2012


Anyone purchasing and wearing the things will receive lots of positive reinforcement.
posted by gentian at 3:30 PM on October 28, 2012


I did my part as a sexy Hasidic Jew.
posted by ludwig_van at 5:00 PM on October 28, 2012 [5 favorites]


I was ( am? Wenesday not here yet) a sexy 40s Army Officer.
posted by The Whelk at 5:34 PM on October 28, 2012 [5 favorites]


Go punch Sexy Hitler!
posted by Artw at 6:15 PM on October 28, 2012 [6 favorites]


Sexy Bassoonist

I would love to meet a sexy bassoonist. You have no idea.
posted by kenko at 9:48 PM on October 28, 2012


Sexy Sexy.
posted by MsVader at 11:54 PM on October 28, 2012


I did my part as a sexy Hasidic Jew.

Hasidim, but I don't believe 'em!
posted by thewalrus at 1:19 AM on October 29, 2012


Over the last few years, in several different Halloween costume stores, I've seen a number of 'Sexy Freddy Krueger' costumes, with the signature sweater being transformed into a too-short dress with revealing slashes across the front. Let's reflect on that for a bit... 'Sexy Child Murderer'. Or, going with the new film, 'Sexy Child Molester and Murderer'. One of the most poorly-conceived targets of cheap sexualization possible.

So of COURSE that's my costume this year, in a size too small. Along with the trashiest wig I could find and some gigantic Mary Jane platforms ordered from a drag outlet. Keep the horror alive!
posted by FatherDagon at 10:12 AM on October 29, 2012


How about Sexy Hater-Who-Hates-Sexy-Costumes?
posted by Yakuman at 2:19 PM on October 29, 2012


Right Said Fred
posted by infini at 3:06 PM on October 29, 2012 [1 favorite]


New costume idea; sexy post-tropical cyclone.
posted by Justinian at 5:35 PM on October 29, 2012


Facebook informs me that a childhood acquaintance dressed up as a sexy Taco Bell hot sauce packet. Well, to be precise, she and several friends dressed up as every variety of Taco Bell hot sauce packet.
posted by jaksemas at 10:53 AM on October 30, 2012 [1 favorite]


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