TEA NOW
October 31, 2012 7:34 AM   Subscribe

"Even if your alarm clock is one of those Zen alarm clocks with melodious metal chimes, or it's your phone playing New Age music at gradually increasing volume, an alarm clock is still not offering you anything." MeFi's own dansdata wakes up to a proper cuppa.
posted by Harald74 (71 comments total) 41 users marked this as a favorite
 
Oh my god I need this for Christmas so bad
posted by tickingclock at 7:40 AM on October 31, 2012 [3 favorites]


i've got a prototype for a similar rig except it works with a coffee maker and an IV drip.
posted by es_de_bah at 7:42 AM on October 31, 2012 [3 favorites]


I completely assumed I'd be seeing a rube goldberg contraption that would do more to haunt my dreams than to wake me up to a delicious cup of tea or coffee in the morning.

I was wrong. Now I want one...
posted by RolandOfEld at 7:42 AM on October 31, 2012


My alarm clock tilts up my headboard side of my bed, causing me to slide out the bottom and through a hole in the floor, where my legs slip into an awaiting pair of pants, and I drop into my chair at the breakfast table.

My dog helped me set it up.
posted by Egg Shen at 7:45 AM on October 31, 2012 [63 favorites]


So I guess the point is that the coffee-maker-with-a-timer that everyone in the universe keeps in their kitchen would be better kept beside the bed?

That is a pretty good point.
posted by bondcliff at 7:47 AM on October 31, 2012 [5 favorites]


Everything about this pleases me greatly. Even the name - teasmade. So nice to say. And tea. Tea is nice.





See how well that works? I forgot about the whole nasty "waking up to an alarm" business.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:47 AM on October 31, 2012


That is disappointingly straightforward. Wallace would not be proud.

On preview: Dammit, Egg Shen.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 7:47 AM on October 31, 2012


At first glance this may seem like a good idea. But what happens when you wake before the alarm? The Zojirushi hot water dispenser is superior in every way. There is no need to plan things out to the minute, hours in advance. You roll out of bed; you throw a tea bag into your mug (or fill one with loose leaves if you are fancy; you push the 'Dispense' button. Tea on demand in 15 seconds, tops. Why complicate matters?
posted by enn at 7:50 AM on October 31, 2012


I now feel the need to subscribe to British Appliance-Fancier Monthly.
posted by catlet at 7:52 AM on October 31, 2012 [17 favorites]


As a man who loves tea, I approve of this post!

I love the first comment on that post... "I registered with WordPress just to post this comment...." [fails at finding what they wanted to comment about]
posted by Blake at 7:58 AM on October 31, 2012


From the article: [A teasmade] does deliver really scalding water onto the tea leaves, which is generally agreed to be Correct. Coffee benefits from being made with less-than-boiling water; tea does not.

He's absolutely right on this. It's one of the big strikes against using a coffeemaker to make tea. My trick for tea, when in US hotels who don't provide electric kettles (savages!), is to run the water through the coffeemaker twice, though that still doesn't get it really hot enough.
posted by bonehead at 7:59 AM on October 31, 2012


Well, yes, there is a little time to steep. But, you know, you can start sipping right away. It will be under-steeped at first but you'll hit three minutes only a few sips in. I realize this makes me a philistine.
posted by enn at 8:01 AM on October 31, 2012


No man who loves tea can love this post, or what a Teasmade does, which is most certainly NOT a "proper" cuppa.

Still want, have for a long time.
posted by Cosine at 8:02 AM on October 31, 2012


A beige switch which selects "Tea & Radio", "Tea" or "Radio" is quite literally the most British thing one could imagine.
The feeling of mild embarrassment with a smidgeon of pride it evokes is probably called Britainsmeicheridt in German.

Shit, now I have to get up and make a cup of tea.
posted by fullerine at 8:03 AM on October 31, 2012 [47 favorites]


catlet: I now feel the need to subscribe to British Appliance-Fancier Monthly.

Barely literate heathens. Right-thinking appliance aficionados prefer the Annals of the Royal Society of Cooking Implements and Machinery.

fullerine: A beige switch which selects "Tea & Radio", "Tea" or "Radio" is quite literally the most British thing one could imagine.

Yes. Wonderful.
posted by Rock Steady at 8:06 AM on October 31, 2012 [4 favorites]


I would like to have one of these, but with pancakes.
posted by mochapickle at 8:08 AM on October 31, 2012 [3 favorites]


Pro Tip: put tea bag or coffee serving (your choice) into a cup of water before going to bed. In the morning, strain and heat in microwave: 1-minute cold-brewed hot caffeinated beverage, which avoids much of the bitterness of hot-brewed drinks. (You may prefer the bitter bite; but try this once, anyway.)
posted by IAmBroom at 8:09 AM on October 31, 2012 [1 favorite]


Barely literate heathens. Right-thinking appliance aficionados prefer the Annals of the Royal Society of Cooking Implements and Machinery.


Nonsense. The Annals haven't been relevant since 1893. What you want is Proceedings of the Danish Academy of Household Devices and Gadgets.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:11 AM on October 31, 2012 [2 favorites]


YES. I have been looking for something like this for so long.
posted by fuzzypantalones at 8:14 AM on October 31, 2012


ARSCIM is prestigious and all but I preferred the trenchant appliance criticism found in the pages of boil., at least until it was taken over by Marxist-Braunists
posted by theodolite at 8:17 AM on October 31, 2012 [8 favorites]


TheWhiteSkull: Nonsense. The Annals haven't been relevant since 1893.

Name me an appliance that has been invented since the reign of the Grandmother of Europe, and I'll show you a naff bit of frippery that can only lead to dissolution and moral decay. I still say refrigeration is the leading cause of the fall of the empire.
posted by Rock Steady at 8:20 AM on October 31, 2012 [4 favorites]


The "Teasmade Goblin"? Huh.
posted by boo_radley at 8:25 AM on October 31, 2012


fullerine: A beige switch which selects "Tea & Radio", "Tea" or "Radio" is quite literally the most British thing one could imagine.

Came here to say this. This has made me so happy.
posted by ominous_paws at 8:29 AM on October 31, 2012


If there is moral dissolution in an egg-timer or a coffee-maker that follows proper Miesian principles and places function above form, then call me dissolute. The Danish Academy's special edition on Tullio Campagnolo's invention of the self-centering wine-bottle opener alone stands as a monument to apparat-gelehrsamkeit.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:33 AM on October 31, 2012 [4 favorites]


It doesn't have a radio or a built-in timer, but yankees could put the triniTEA electric tea maker on a timer for a similar effect. It has two water temperatures for black vs green teas, and you can select the steep time before it dispenses it into the pot.

The only reason I haven't married this tea-maker is that it has one flaw - I tend to drink a fairly finely crushed tea, and the little holes in the filter are a bitch to clean out because the tea gets wedged in it. I have a little pin I keep on the windowsill near the sink to poke out the more recalcitrant plugged up holes.
posted by rmd1023 at 8:36 AM on October 31, 2012


So I guess the point is that the coffee-maker-with-a-timer that everyone in the universe keeps in their kitchen would be better kept beside the bed?

That was sort of my thought. Other than the fact that the teasmade has a clock radio built in, how is it any different than simply moving my coffeemaker into the bedroom? It's programmable, and the gurgle of water and the smell of fresh coffee would surely be nicer to wake up to than the morning news.
posted by asnider at 8:47 AM on October 31, 2012


Any British person unlucky enough to get stuck in a conversation with me will invariably end up as the target of my most envious ramblings about teasmades. I love tea, I love bizarre appliances, I love UK "engineering," and I particularly love the rapturous risk of having a machine filled with furiously boiling water within bleary-eyed disoriented flailing range startle me awake each morning.

I don't want some new agey tea infusing device, either—I want a dangerous piece of unattractive beige decoesque plastics designed by the same nation that made sure that the windshield wipers in my MGB-GT worked only when it was dry (a likely defensive measure against electrocution, I suspect). Thing is, you can't really use adaptors on heating devices, and my closest attempt yet, a giant extension cord from the 220V outlet in the basement that runs my table saw, was not satisfactory.

One day, when I am terribly famous for my obscure essay collections about topics only the most painfully esoteric could enjoy, I hope to keep a small apartment in the UK somewhere with nothing but a bed and a teasmade, which I will visit on regular occasions. On second thought, maybe I should have a telephone, as well, with the number of the nearest burn ward on a card taped to the phone.

You have to have something to aspire to if you're ever going to succeed.
posted by sonascope at 8:55 AM on October 31, 2012 [42 favorites]


Not so much tea, but I found that a grind and brew that you can program as well does a wonderful job of combining noise (the grinder is a hell of a sound to wake up to) with the "coffee experience" - as you nearly instantly get the smell of the ground coffee, well before it goes through the whole brewing process. Best alarm clock possible, except for the fact that you need to clean it daily.
posted by MysticMCJ at 9:00 AM on October 31, 2012


I had my coffe maker next to my be for a while. No timer, but I just turned it on and hit snooze, so by the time my alarm went off again, my coffee was ready. It was glorious. Now there's really no room next to my bed, so I'm forced to actually get out of bed before my morning coffee.
posted by Karmeliet at 9:03 AM on October 31, 2012


Link for Egg Shen, et al. First thing that came to mind for me as well.
posted by MtDewd at 9:04 AM on October 31, 2012 [1 favorite]


finally, a worthy project for the Arduino I've had sitting around for a while!
posted by corvine at 9:09 AM on October 31, 2012


I think those talking about this as if it's a new idea should note that the teasmade had its heyday in the 60s and 70s, when it was one of those things, like nests of tables and sodastreams, that were sold to us via Saturday night gameshows and ads on the back of TV Times as necessary rungs on the ladder to efficient, middle-class living.

While I'm sure that half of the UK probably owned a teasmade at some point, I suspect that the majority used them a couple of times before realising that a cup of tea in bed is an adventure where one false move is going to wind up with a trip to casualty. Teasmades were a car boot sale staple for years after, sitting alongside unwanted fireplace sets and those geometric pictures people used to make with gold thread and pins on velvet. You don't see as much beige plastic now as you did; I'm not sure whether that's because of collectors of kitsch or the inevitable predation of landfills.
posted by pipeski at 9:20 AM on October 31, 2012 [5 favorites]


Yessss. I just read W.G. Sebald's The Emigrants, and the German narrator is introduced to the teasmade while living in Manchester. (Though it's more elegant looking than beige plastic.) I wondered if they were still around.
posted by book 'em dano at 9:30 AM on October 31, 2012


I now feel the need to subscribe to British Appliance-Fancier Monthly.

The Christmas 2011 Shrovis-Bishopthorpe Retrospective edition has had pride of place on my coffee table for almost a year now.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 9:41 AM on October 31, 2012 [2 favorites]


I used to have a fantastic coffee maker that, at a preset time, would grind the beans, dump the grind into the brew basket, and begin brewing the coffee. The grinder was a bit loud but not obnoxiously so, and I had the coffee set so it finished about 10 minutes before my alarm went off. I usually woke up from the smell of freshly-brewed coffee; the alarm was just a safety net. That's the one appliance that I truly regret not replacing.
posted by xedrik at 9:43 AM on October 31, 2012


One thing I do love about the various teasmades shown on the linked page is that they look like crazy, Connery-era Bond gadgets.
posted by asnider at 9:50 AM on October 31, 2012


From my limited experience with tea-making machines, I suspect a Teasmade is going to be like the Nutrimatic Drinks Dispenser, which as we know serves something that is "Almost, but not quite entirely, unlike tea."
posted by philipy at 9:55 AM on October 31, 2012 [1 favorite]


My mother came to the US as a war bride just before these became the must-have item in Britain. When I first learned of them, I coveted one immensely and searched online. Then, I thought about it. She's 88, loves her tea, is very stubborn and has moderate dementia. It's hard enough getting her out of bed as it is. With one of these, she'd never get up and I'd be reduced to dusting her off and occasionally taking her pulse.
posted by pentagoet at 10:06 AM on October 31, 2012 [1 favorite]


No discussion about the absence of a cold-milk-storage-container? How do you heathens drink your tea anyway?
posted by imperium at 10:31 AM on October 31, 2012 [2 favorites]


Thanks, Sonascope. I had to chase all the people out of my cube because I was laughing so hard.
posted by Confess, Fletch at 10:34 AM on October 31, 2012


In my second year of University I had a teasmade.

I saw it in a skip on the way home from the pub, put a new plug on it (why did we used to take plugs off things whenever we threw them out in the 90s? Were we culturally afraid of some kind of plug rationing coming in?), cleaned it out and it worked perfectly.

Like this one, it had radio and tea. Bliss.

About three months later I let one of my housemates, on whom I had a secret but unrequited crush, have it. Presumably because, you know, there is nothing in the world that is going to make a girl fall madly in love with you more than giving her a teasmade.

Two weeks later she moved out, taking it with her.

No girl. No radio. No tea.

Bad times.
posted by garius at 10:42 AM on October 31, 2012 [11 favorites]


why did we used to take plugs off things whenever we threw them out in the 90s? Were we culturally afraid of some kind of plug rationing coming in?

What? Perhaps things were being thrown out because the plug came off.
posted by asnider at 10:45 AM on October 31, 2012


What? Perhaps things were being thrown out because the plug came off.

I defy you to find a 90s British household that didn't have a drawer in the kitchen that contained at least three plugs "saved" from unwanted electronic goods.
posted by garius at 10:50 AM on October 31, 2012 [2 favorites]


The "Teasmade Goblin"? Huh.
posted by boo_radley


No, the "Goblin Teasmade". Sounds just as weird, I know. Goblin was the company.
posted by Joh at 11:11 AM on October 31, 2012


Hey, I have always wondered what the hell British folks are talking about when they talk about taking the plugs off things or putting new plugs on things or changing plugs or whatever. Do you mean the actual electrical cord? Or do you guys just cut off the piece with prongs at the end of the cord? Or something else altogether? What is going on over there? And why?
posted by windykites at 11:14 AM on October 31, 2012 [1 favorite]


It doesn't have a radio or a built-in timer, but yankees could put the triniTEA electric tea maker on a timer for a similar effect.
I love how they are all "Looking to simplify preparation of loose tea? Our electric tea maker is the answer." You know, cause this is so much less complicated looking than this.
posted by 8dot3 at 11:21 AM on October 31, 2012


I'll keep my natural-light alarm clock, thanks. (Best £60 purchase ever!) These look kind of fun, though. Is there a coffee version?
posted by subdee at 11:25 AM on October 31, 2012


Life needs to have a "TEA NOW" button. On everything.
posted by Old'n'Busted at 11:34 AM on October 31, 2012 [5 favorites]


Hey, I have always wondered what the hell British folks are talking about when they talk about taking the plugs off things or putting new plugs on things or changing plugs or whatever. Do you mean the actual electrical cord? Or do you guys just cut off the piece with prongs at the end of the cord? Or something else altogether? What is going on over there? And why?

British plugs look like this - because we do our wiring differently to you, all the devices we plug into the wall have their own fuse and their own earth pin, so it's a more complicated object. That also makes it user-replaceable, so yeah, if something happens to the plug on your device it's perfectly possible to just cut it off and wire on a new one.

It's surprisingly thoughtful design, too - the sockets have little shutters over the live and neutral holes that only open when you push the earth pin in, the live and neutral pins have sleeves on them so that if your fingers wrap round the edges of the plug as you pull it out you won't get a shock, and the internal arrangement of the wires is such that if you pull too hard on the cable the live wire will break first.

The downside, of course, is that there is no pain ON EARTH like accidentally stepping on an upturned plug in your bare feet. Discarded Lego has nothing on this. Seriously.
posted by ZsigE at 11:34 AM on October 31, 2012 [17 favorites]


8dot3: the problem there is that it requires me to hang around waiting for water to boil, then pay enough attention to pull the tea out before it oversteeps. With this, I push a button and can go ignore it and deal with other things and come back and have hot tea waiting for me to just pour.
posted by rmd1023 at 11:36 AM on October 31, 2012


ZsigE, you totally just made my day. Thanks!
posted by windykites at 11:37 AM on October 31, 2012


Sigh, the world mocks us for our electrical sockets.

(Although "wiring a plug" is used as the baseline absolute minimum practical competence task - above changing a lightbulb, but below, say, brain surgery. What do the rest of the world use for that?)

When I had a teasmade, I found that it woke me up with blup-blup boiling noises about ten to fifteen minutes before the alarm. Also I had to get up and go to the kitchen for the milk anyway.

But the tea it made was wonderfully close to greasy caff tea (which is made by forcing steaming-hot water through tea leaves: you can stand the spoon up in it and it instantly coats teeth, tongue and innards with an impenetrable tannin crust).
posted by Grangousier at 11:43 AM on October 31, 2012


Thanks, ZsigE. Arthur Weasley suddenly makes a lot more sense.
posted by catlet at 11:48 AM on October 31, 2012 [1 favorite]


Grangousier: Although "wiring a plug" is used as the baseline absolute minimum practical competence task - above changing a lightbulb, but below, say, brain surgery. What do the rest of the world use for that?

Changing a lightbulb, I'm afraid. The bar is being lowered.
posted by Rock Steady at 12:11 PM on October 31, 2012 [3 favorites]


I also came in to recommend a "grind and brew" coffee maker to startle you awake each morning with the fear of being heaved into a wood chipper, buzz saw, jet engine, or some-such maiming device. If caffeine from tea or coffee isn't enough for you, a nice jolt of adrenaline should do the trick.

Bonus: you can keep it in your kitchen or any floor in your house, and it'll still wake you up.

(I know Brits disapprove but I love my Zoj hot pot for nearly instant tea.)
posted by fontophilic at 12:35 PM on October 31, 2012


why did we used to take plugs off things whenever we threw them out in the 90s?

Because it was before the era when every appliance cord came with a plug already moulded onto the end of it. You saved the plug because the next appliance you bought would probably come with a bare cord onto which you would need to fit a plug.

And also, you know, why not? It's removable and it'd just go to waste otherwise. Got to fill that kitchen drawer up with something.

Dan's article describes it well:
Until quite recently, it was normal for UK appliances to come with a power cable that terminated in bare wires, because the UK contained an incompatible mixture of the old BS 546 and new - in the sense of "after World War II" - BS 1363 wiring and plug standards. You had to buy a plug separately and screw it onto the cable yourself, or get someone in the shop to do it for you if you were a wuss. Nowadays BS 1363 is dominant enough that I think pretty much all UK appliances come with a BS 1363 plug moulded onto the end of the cable.
although I think his "quite recently" is only true for values of "recently" that include "20 years ago".
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 1:05 PM on October 31, 2012


When I was young and foolish, there was a line from this song at 1:59 that completely baffled me. It was only in the past year that Wallace and Gromit's World of Inventions clarified that the teasmade is a thing, not a rather awkward way of asking "Does that sound indicate that my tea is ready?"
Unfortunately, now it means that now I kind of want one, voltage incompatibility be damned (a teasmade, that is, not a perky Canadian in a rubber mask)...
posted by The Ardship of Cambry at 1:14 PM on October 31, 2012


I should add, and this will date me, that the root of my teasmade obsession can be traced directly back to a line at 2:03 in this song from my wayward young adulthood.

Come sweet slumber
Enshroud me in thy purple cloak
Hmmm, doesn't even rhyme

Is that my teasmade?

Strange, the power of cheap music and a burning question as to why someone would ask "Is that my tea's made?" in such a grammatically peculiar way.

There's a thing called a "teasmade?"

These things turn into obsessions so quickly. A favorite story in a 1931 storybook and suddenly, I live in a house full of electric fans.
posted by sonascope at 1:34 PM on October 31, 2012 [1 favorite]


I saw this and knew without a doubt that when I watched Stephen Fry's 100 Greatest Gadgets sitting in my Netflix queue, this tea thing would be there, and it was up at #23. A pretty good watch because A) Stephen Fry!, B) weird British tastes in gadgets, and C) weird British names for things.
posted by zengargoyle at 3:54 PM on October 31, 2012


Pro Tip: put tea bag or coffee serving (your choice) into a cup of water before going to bed. In the morning, strain and heat in microwave: 1-minute cold-brewed hot caffeinated beverage, which avoids much of the bitterness of hot-brewed drinks. (You may prefer the bitter bite; but try this once, anyway.)

I can't sleep past 5 am anymore, so I don't need an alarm, but cold-brewed coffee is a REVELATION as far as I'm concerned. I grind a half-pound of fresh-roasted coffee, put it and 7 cups of water into a pitcher and let it sit for 24 hours. Then I filter it through a basket filter and then a coffee filter (takes a while) and keep it in the fridge. 2-4 oz. makes a killer latte with no bitterness and much less acidity.
posted by Huck500 at 4:01 PM on October 31, 2012 [1 favorite]


Thank you, MetaFilter, for coming up with the perfect Christmas present for my tea-loving wife! (This was the closest thing I could find for US voltage.)
posted by Triplanetary at 7:59 PM on October 31, 2012


I have wanted one of these since I found out they existed. Preferably one of the 1920s ones with porcelain and an actual mechanical clock.

Re: British electric wiring. Wikipedia has a good article. Basically, the UK decided to do everything completely differently from the rest of the world. Their system is absurdly overengineered -- capable of delivering more power to an outlet using less copper wire than any other country's, but necessitating a lot of special-snowflake components to keep the users from blowing themselves up. One of these special components is a power plug with a replaceable, variable fuse.

The whole thing wonderfully encapsulates British sensibilities. As opposed to American electrical standards, which are simple, practical, somewhat unsafe, and cheap to implement.
posted by miyabo at 9:46 PM on October 31, 2012 [3 favorites]


My grandparents had a Goblin Teasmade, don't think I ever saw them use it though. It was glorious in its beige hideousness.
posted by arcticseal at 9:47 PM on October 31, 2012


I've used one on a couple of occasions when staying in British hotels or B&Bs. The drawback, as Grangousier mentioned, is the need for milk.
This was overcome in two of the places I stayed by leaving the mini-milk carton on the outside window sill, and trusting the reliable British weather to keep it fresh enough.
The other place I remember undid all its good work with the teasmade by offering UHT milk portions.
posted by bystander at 11:29 PM on October 31, 2012


British plugs look like this - because we do our wiring differently to better than you.

It does make Apple power adapters considerably less sleek, however.

British appliances have actually been required by law to come with a pre-fitted plug since 1994. Prior that, the need to fit your own due to differing wiring standards had long become irrelevant, and omitting them was just penny pinching by the manufacturers.

Supply of Electrical Equipment: Specified domestic electrical equipment intended
to be connected to the mains power supply via plug and socket outlet is required to
be supplied fitted with a standard plug or conversion plug, see Regulation 12.


I doubt many British people under 30 will ever experience the unalloyed joy that is rewiring a 3-pin plug.
posted by phl at 3:44 AM on November 1, 2012


Kickstarter needs to make this for US voltage.
posted by mccarty.tim at 5:22 AM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


I want one of these side by side with those Toastmaster toasters that run the bread through a little conveyor belt from one side of the toaster to the other. Also there should be an automatic buttering apparatus and marmalade dispenser but let's take this one step at a time for now.
posted by elizardbits at 9:10 AM on November 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


I doubt many British people under 30 will ever experience the unalloyed joy that is rewiring a 3-pin plug.

I'm a British person under 30, and I was taught to rewire plugs in junior school. It was SCIENCE! It's a skill I've never had to use, however...
posted by badmoonrising at 5:02 AM on November 7, 2012


I saw a $10 4 cup coffee maker at the supermarket on clearence. It was fate.

And I also have a spare Arduino and some relays. Might have to make this happen.
posted by mccarty.tim at 4:13 PM on November 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


Do eeeet!

(And then make a web site about it and post it to Projects!)
posted by Harald74 at 6:13 AM on November 8, 2012


I popped it open, and it actually looks like it'll be less work than I thought. Just need to get a servo with enough oomph to push the nub that keeps the brew inside. I could order it online, but I might see if I can find a hobby shop that has them for just one thing. The rest looks like it'd just take typical hardware.
posted by mccarty.tim at 5:51 PM on November 9, 2012


« Older La Duce Vita   |   You don't need a weatherman to know which way the... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments