If-

November 1, 2012 3:29 PM

Michael Caine plays If- straight. Robert Morley hams If- up. Dennis Hopper misses a line or two, Harvey Keitel misses a whole stanza, and Grampa Simpson misses the point entirely. Joni Mitchell sings sublime. KeyKrusher raps ridiculous. Federer and Nadal go head to head, with commentary. International cricket pundits celebrate the Indian Premier League, Des Lynam toasts World Cup 98, and a failing football manager addresses a press conference. A teenager learns from an angel, and seven year old Humza learns If- for himself.

Translations in French, German, Romanian, Russian, Turkish and Ukrainian. Previously and previously.

posted by Elizabeth the Thirteenth (18 comments total)

I like how the French translation preserves the rhyme scheme, but makes every fourth line an octosyllabic after three alexandrines. The English provides no base for that, but it was a good choice.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 3:53 PM on November 1, 2012

Oh so this isn't the one about the white man's burden, I was a bit confused for a sec.
posted by silby at 3:56 PM on November 1, 2012

Humza is going to be an awesome guy if he manages to hold these foundations past the chaos of puberty.
posted by phylum sinter at 3:57 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Kipling's "If"? I was hoping it'd be Bread's "If", just to see Robert Morley recite "...then why can't I paint you?"
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:12 PM on November 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

Richard Herring has a good stand-up routine about this poem, of which there does not appear to be any footage available on the internet. He has taken the time to write it down though, should you wish to get the gist.
posted by MUD at 4:34 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

This is one of my favorite posts in a while, thanks for this.
posted by sweetkid at 4:51 PM on November 1, 2012

If - you are a Whovian, then the guy who plays the angel is going to make that 13th link pretty surreal for you.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:30 PM on November 1, 2012

I came in looking for Bread and was disappointed. You tell 'em, Telly.
posted by emelenjr at 6:08 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Kipling's "If"? I was hoping it'd be Bread's "If"

I was hoping it'd be Lindsay Anderson's if...
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:18 PM on November 1, 2012 [3 favorites]

I recite this to my students in the first class of every year, and they remember it all year long.
posted by Peach at 7:36 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

I was hoping it'd be Lindsay Anderson's if...

Which got its title from the poem.
posted by philip-random at 7:54 PM on November 1, 2012 [3 favorites]

if ... the whole movie
posted by philip-random at 9:05 PM on November 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

Uplifting, wise and good.
posted by nickyskye at 9:48 PM on November 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

My 2012 attention span needs to see/hear "then" within 15 seconds of "if," not 30 verses. No matter how wonderfully writtehey what's that over there
posted by Camofrog at 10:03 PM on November 1, 2012

My 2012 attention span needs to see/hear "then" within 15 seconds of "if," not 30 verses

I believe it's the third line: "If you can wait, and not be tired of waiting ... "
posted by philip-random at 12:07 AM on November 2, 2012 [4 favorites]

I know it's very open to parody and mocking, but I really, really love it.

My favourite 2 bits are 'walk with kings', and 'never breathe a word about your loss'
posted by DanCall at 6:28 AM on November 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

I was hoping for Pink Floyd's If.
posted by Rash at 8:06 AM on November 2, 2012

Silly self link If
posted by lysdexic at 8:45 AM on November 2, 2012