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Won't Get Fooled agai... Walkies?!
November 2, 2012 3:37 PM   Subscribe


 
Who keeps the dog bath under the bed? Seriously!
posted by procrastination at 3:41 PM on November 2, 2012 [9 favorites]


Who keeps a bathtub under a bed makes no sense.
posted by found missing at 3:41 PM on November 2, 2012 [4 favorites]


When I was a kid we raised guide dogs for Guiding Eyes for the Blind. One of 'em was particularly smart, could distinguish between several different toys by name, would "stay" 6" from a burger even while we walked out of the room, and loved to ride in the car. Say "go for a ride in the car" and he'd be scratching at the door instantly.

One day it was obvious that we were getting dressed up to go out, and he pushed his way out the door, was by the car, and we couldn't drag him back to the house (especially without bodily picking him up and dragging him to the house, mussing our clothes).

Finally, someone said "Nemo, go for a ride in the house?"

Bang, Nemo went running headlong back into the house. Sucker.
posted by straw at 3:44 PM on November 2, 2012 [111 favorites]


Maybe it's a water bed.

Sorry.
posted by brundlefly at 3:49 PM on November 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


Some day, after years of this taunting, Jackson will realize that there is no difference between "go for a walk" and "go for the throat." And then, Jackson will have a little peace.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:50 PM on November 2, 2012 [14 favorites]


Yeah, I just called the ASPCA about the psychological abuse going on, you folks don't need to make the call.

right after I stopped laughing...
posted by HuronBob at 3:54 PM on November 2, 2012 [3 favorites]


Molly, my blue heeler, will cower and hide when she hears the word "bath". It's really sad to see. Head low, tail tucked between her legs, she'll squeeze behind the end table or sneak off into the guest bedroom and tuck in between the bed and the far wall.

Dog absolutely loves open water like streams, lakes, ponds, pools. Hates baths.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 3:54 PM on November 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


"Bath"
"Walk"
"Bath"
"Walk"

*dog explodes*
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 4:01 PM on November 2, 2012 [6 favorites]


I've never understood the bath thing, tbh. Every dog I've ever had absolutely ADORED bathtime, sometimes to the extent of spoiling my own bathtime with their uncontrollable bathy urges.
posted by elizardbits at 4:02 PM on November 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


Is this so unusual? My dog understands "bath", "go for a walk", "ride in the car", "squirrel", "smile" and "kiss".
posted by Benny Andajetz at 4:06 PM on November 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


He also knows "cheese" and "bacon".
posted by Benny Andajetz at 4:09 PM on November 2, 2012


No, it's not unusual. It's just funny that he goes under the bed.
posted by Justinian at 4:15 PM on November 2, 2012 [6 favorites]


I've trained my dog, who is also called Jackson (no relation), to bark incessantly when I say 'Be quiet." He flings the cushions on the ground on the command 'stop it.' When I say 'Can I not just have five minutes of peace' he'll jump up on to the backrest of the sofa and whine. He's so good he'll often perform these tricks before I even issue the command and I don't even use a clicker.
posted by Elmore at 4:21 PM on November 2, 2012 [47 favorites]


That looks a lot like a motel room. I think Jackson and the lady are having some sort of illicit meeting. I think it is entirely possible she has been sneaking away on her lunch hour with jackson every day for weeks for the sole purpose of indulging her sick sick dog training fetish. This video is disgusting.
posted by Ad hominem at 4:31 PM on November 2, 2012 [5 favorites]


Metafilter: uncontrollable bathy urges
posted by ursus_comiter at 4:36 PM on November 2, 2012 [8 favorites]


This is how dogs become atheists.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 5:05 PM on November 2, 2012 [5 favorites]


Is this so unusual?

It is if you don't know shit about dogs.
posted by dobbs at 5:06 PM on November 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


She needs to teach Jackson that "Time for a bath!" is the same thing as "The Zombies Are Coming!"

And then I would have to excuse myself because I would have just peed in my pants laughing.
posted by HeyAllie at 5:12 PM on November 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


Is this so unusual?

Not really. I had a girlfriend who did that.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 5:13 PM on November 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


Jackson looked like (s)he is a great dog. The constant teasing really bugged me, though. Not nice to do that to your doggie friend!
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 5:28 PM on November 2, 2012


I have a dog that loves baths. He also loves getting his teeth brushed. (He's a weird dog.)

Though he gets very excited about both, he can distinguish between the two. For a bath, he comes bounding into the bathroom and puts his feet up on the tub. For a walk, he slams himself bodily against the front door so hard I think he causes brain damage.

It's cute.
posted by phunniemee at 5:35 PM on November 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


My dog hates baths (and pretty much getting wet at all - walking her during the rain is a challenge), and also is terrified of the vacuum. So, once, we thought it would be a good idea for me to vacuum the house while my wife gave her a bath, since she wouldn't have to actually experience the horror of the vacuum going around the house. Instead, after the bath she was just about the most traumatized we've ever seen her, and she just hid, shaking, under a chair.
posted by LionIndex at 5:40 PM on November 2, 2012 [4 favorites]


Must own dog.
posted by Brocktoon at 5:53 PM on November 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


Love this. Our old cats used to know when we were just coming home and when we were coming home to take them to the vet without us even having to say anything. Animals know, man. They know.
posted by Joey Michaels at 6:02 PM on November 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


I went to school with this woman. Her name is Carmen Cohen. Her father, a proud Jew, always called her by her last name. Her mother was Spanish, and equally proud, so always called her by her first name. By the time she was six she didn't know whether she was Carmen or Cohen. She took it out on her dogs.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 6:06 PM on November 2, 2012 [14 favorites]


This video makes me feel much less insecure about my inconsistent parenting habits.
posted by in the methow at 6:17 PM on November 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


weapons-grade pandemonium:

Your chutzpah is bueno.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 6:17 PM on November 2, 2012 [3 favorites]


I knew a couple who named their dog Getoffthesofa. Both their dogs, actually. And their cat.
posted by Pudhoho at 6:28 PM on November 2, 2012 [3 favorites]


Apropos of something, I had a friend in the mid-90s whose dog would roll over and play dead at the command of "Bob Dole."
posted by mudpuppie at 6:28 PM on November 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


Dogs don't need the whole sentence. I had a dog that would get all excited at "Wanna..."
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 6:42 PM on November 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


Dogs don't need the whole sentence. I had a dog that would get all excited at "Wanna..."

Yep. My high-school friend's dog would go bonkers if you said "Tijuana fried trout?" just because of the sound of the last word.
posted by briank at 7:00 PM on November 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


No, it's not unusual. It's just funny that he goes under the bed.

Perhaps under the bed is where he keeps his scented candles, a romance novel and a cheeky bottle of red, all of which he's been saving for that one evening when he can just close the bathroom door, turn down the lights and spend some time on his own without any of her insufferable demands?
posted by rh at 7:16 PM on November 2, 2012 [5 favorites]


I had a dog that would get all excited at "Wanna..."

My friend's dog is so in love with the laser pointer, she will cock her head adorably to the side for photos just by someone saying, "Layyyyyyyy." Once you pronounce the "zer" she goes crazy, but the first syllable makes her sit up and pay very close attention to see what might come next.
posted by vytae at 7:30 PM on November 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


Ya know what's nice? A simple little dog video on Metafilter on a Friday night after a tough week. And reading the comments people make about their dogs. At my age, living in the middle of nowhere, it's tough to find someone to buy a few joints from, but this is a pretty good substitute.
posted by HuronBob at 7:41 PM on November 2, 2012 [14 favorites]


This dog's look when she first says "walk" is perfect. I love how quickly he turned around and sat up looking at her with that big excited face!
posted by shortyJBot at 7:45 PM on November 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


I want everyone here with a dog to ask if it knows the Tijuana gopher hawk.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:17 PM on November 2, 2012 [8 favorites]


Played in a band briefly with a woman who had two big, excitable black labs. She also lived next door to a fair-sized park, which was the labs' playground. They had long since taken to becoming hyper at any mention of the word "park" or "walk", so she was obliged to spell these words. The dogs were slowly working out what "P-A-R-K" meant when the band found a new keyboardist and I departed. I never found out how far into circumlocution they followed her.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:22 PM on November 2, 2012


My pup quickly learned what "dog park" meant... she now also knows what "DP" means. We will soon resort to sign language, but I suspect that won't last long either.
posted by HuronBob at 9:05 PM on November 2, 2012


We started giving my dog rawhide bones to occupy him while we watched basketball games on tv (he'll otherwise stand directly in front of it, stare & wag) a couple years ago, & now he associates any cheering sound from the tv with bone time, & also knows the word basketball. I swear if someone says "is there a Spurs game on tonight?" his head picks right up.

His vocabulary is pretty huge, actually. If I say "go see Jacob," or "go see mommy," he'll seek them out, "where's your rope?" will get him looking for his tug of war toy, and "squirrel" sends him into spasms. He does the freak-out like the dog in the video at "walk" & he's got the routine down enough that he gets all in a bother when I put my shoes on, but gets glum when I grab my keys thereafter, since keys mean I'm driving off for a while. When he panics, "settle down" usually helps a lot, "be quiet" stops the barking, "go lay down" is followed glumly at bedtime, "drink some water" works after a walk (we have lately had some biscuit-first or water-first confusion post-walk, and now I have to get the biscuit & follow him into the family room where the water is & wait for him to get his drink. "cheese" is a favorite treat, & I don't even have to say "out of the kitchen" any more -- now I just point towards the doorway & the head goes down & he retreats.

Bathing is right out. Scared shitless of water. He'd rather choke to death than be dragged through a sprinkler when we're out. He totally panics. Thank god he's short haired & not too smelly.
posted by Devils Rancher at 9:12 PM on November 2, 2012 [3 favorites]


So, my fantasy for Metafilter is a "here's a neat thing about my dog" thread that is longer than a "Presidential Debate" thread. That's when we'll know we've got our priorities straight.
posted by HuronBob at 9:33 PM on November 2, 2012 [8 favorites]


from what it seems like, to me, dogs sorta blur the line between actual intelligence and learned behavior. sometimes, you think they're playing you just to get a treat or whatever. or responding to something you routinely say. but then there are certain actions, or emotional displays that aren't met with a reward, but somehow the dog gets a satisfaction out of seeing their owner respond in some way.

my pup, all of 15lbs, thinks he's an alpha and loves to chase backyard critters. gf would rather he didn't chase them, so usually if she takes him out at night, he's leashed up. i'm the bad parent and I let him loose. she can say "GO OUTSIDE", and he'll get a little excited. if I say "GO OUTSIDE", he flips out, runs in circles, starts yapping sharply. i can sorta sense when he's going to start bothering us to go outside, which he does by staring at me. i don't always respond, but now I've got him trained to where I can just stare back at him in a certain way and he knows whether I'm going to let him out or if I'm just messing with him.

he seems to be able to predict when she'll come home, even when it isn't a regular pattern of arrival. like, 5 minutes before she gets there he knows she's on the way.

he knows when I'm taking him to his favorite park vs when I'm just taking him out to run errands, before we get anywhere close to the park.

i think cats are fun and cute and all that, but these kinds of interactions are why i'll always be a dog person. and also i love that their paws smell like fritos chips.
posted by ninjew at 10:00 PM on November 2, 2012 [6 favorites]


Since my pooch learned what it meant when I asked my son to "walk the dog," we started calling it "perambulate the canine." It's just a matter of time before the dog has the best vocabulary ever.
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit at 10:37 PM on November 2, 2012 [7 favorites]


My dog is my husband's biggest fan, and goes out to the barn with his dad like it's his job. If he misses my husband's exit from the house, he sits at the front door, watching and pawing at the glass. I like to wind him up: "Where's Dad? Where's Dad? Is he barn dad? Barn dad! Barn dad! BARN DAD!" Then I open up the door and he flies to the barn like his tail is on fire.

He cornered a strange cat in the barn the other day, but kitty got himself into a safe spot. Poor dog wouldn't leave off running around and sniffing the trail the cat left behind. We spent five or six minutes pleading with him to come in until I put on my drill sergeant voice and yelled "MAX! YOU GET IN THE TRUCK! GET IN THE TRUCK! DAD'S IN THE TRUCK! TRUCK DOG NOW!" Poor thing gave me a confused look and then ran out and stood by the truck. Evidently the only thing more fun than chasing outside cats and livestock is climbing into the car seat and riding around with Dad.
posted by MonkeyToes at 12:28 AM on November 3, 2012 [2 favorites]


Vocabulary-wise, my dog knew the difference between breakfast and dinner, and I use to screw with her when she clearly had decided it was time for her to eat and I was not moving quickly enough. Once I realized she was trying to get my attention, I'd start asking -- "Oh, do you want a snack? Lunch? Elevensies? Tea?" while she had her ears perked at me, paying close attention, until finally I'd reference the appropriate meal and she'd go crazy.

As far as learned behavior: she learned two good things about me. First, in the morning, even when I hit the snooze bar eight times and keep rolling over and muttering, I am not "awake" until I reach for my glasses. And whether she was on the bed with me or in another room, she would politely ignore me while I went through my snooze bar routine, but as soon as she heard the sound of me picking up my glasses, I had a doggy face in mine strongly encouraging me to get the hell out of bed (or at least snuggle with her).

The second was that she learned to associate the closing of my laptop lid with me paying attention to something other than the computer -- namely, her. So every time I closed my laptop, no matter how quietly I tried to do it, she'd leap up from wherever she was napping and run over to me. Made me feel a little guilty, to be honest.
posted by olinerd at 2:37 AM on November 3, 2012 [7 favorites]


Metafilter: Your chutzpah is bueno.
posted by Goofyy at 2:37 AM on November 3, 2012


i think cats are fun and cute and all that, but these kinds of interactions are why i'll always be a dog person.

Oh, you can have those with cats as well. My first cat always knew when it was time for me to be coming home and would wait by the door, according to my wife, while my current two definately know when it's dinner time (and get confused by the switch to daylight savings time and back). The smartest of the two also comes and get me when she think's it's time to go to bed.
posted by MartinWisse at 3:00 AM on November 3, 2012 [3 favorites]


My dog knows "bath time"... she goes and gets in the tub!
posted by brand-gnu at 6:02 AM on November 3, 2012


One of our cats is particularly attached to me, and knows when I usually come home -- according to my wife, the cat gets agitated and perches by the window by the driveway, watching for me, meowing. Apparently she has a specific meow that stands for me.
posted by El Sabor Asiatico at 6:34 AM on November 3, 2012 [3 favorites]


i think cats are fun and cute and all that, but these kinds of interactions are why i'll always be a dog person.

Nah, I have a trick like that. When I say, "Come here, Gracie," she stares at me blankly and faces the corner at the top of the stairs where something that the human eye can't see is apparently fascinating, and when I say, "get off the bed," she licks my hair.
posted by xingcat at 6:35 AM on November 3, 2012 [1 favorite]


I liked to use big words when I taught my old dog tricks. If she was staring at someone while they ate, I would say, "Stop coveting!" and she would turn her face away.
posted by kamikazegopher at 7:27 AM on November 3, 2012 [2 favorites]


And whether she was on the bed with me or in another room, she would politely ignore me while I went through my snooze bar routine, but as soon as she heard the sound of me picking up my glasses, I had a doggy face in mine strongly encouraging me to get the hell out of bed (or at least snuggle with her).

My youngest kid, now 5, has long been attuned in the same way to the sound of me turning off my CPAP machine.
posted by not that girl at 7:56 AM on November 3, 2012


The last time I gave my dog a bath was when he was young and very, very strong. He was gentle, but used constant straining to get out and I inadvertently ended up this four-inch scar on the underside of my arm from an errant scratch.

We reached an accord after that. Well, he got to live a bath-free life. The only time he would revisit a bathroom was when my son was a baby. He'd sit at the side of the tub and stare at the boy while dreaming of rescue.
posted by One Hand Slowclapping at 8:19 AM on November 3, 2012


i think cats are fun and cute and all that, but these kinds of interactions are why i'll always be a dog person.

Aw. I love dogs too, grew up with a sweetheart Golden Retriever who would dive into lakes and bring up stuff, but cats are awesome as well. My fluffy Kanoko is as smart as a whip. Lately he's taken to arranging pillows to sleep on, and yesterday I finally figured out another of his stratagems.

Every evening I give the cats their wet food treat. (They have dry food left out in dispensers all day, for two reasons: first, just in case I get home late, I know they have plenty to eat, and second, it also helps me sleep in on weekends. Except that my younger cat wakes me up early anyway. But well.) Kanoko has a couple of bites, then goes to the patio doors and asks to be let out. Susu sees him go outside, gets excited and follows. After checking that Susu is engrossed in snail-hunting and yucca-clawing, Kanoko quietly trots back inside and... eats the rest of the treats, which he has all to himself.

Kanoko also gets excited about showers. Every morning, as soon as I'm awake and standing, he saunters into the bathroom, hops into the shower and awaits the falling water eagerly. Then he washes himself while I do.

Susu gets excited about EVERYTHING. Except showers. It's the one behavior of Kanoko's that she hasn't glommed onto. She was the first to figure out that the induction cooktop's touch controls make intriguing beeps, however. So yes, those do work with cat paws. Sigh. (It's got plenty of safety controls, and being induction it wouldn't heat up the cat even on the off chance she did manage to turn it on, thankfully. I just get to deal with random beeps occasionally.)
posted by fraula at 8:22 AM on November 3, 2012 [2 favorites]


HuronBob: "So, my fantasy for Metafilter is a "here's a neat thing about my dog" thread that is longer than a "Presidential Debate" thread. That's when we'll know we've got our priorities straight."

Okay. We live in the country amidst many glorious species of wildlife. The wildlife I see most often in my yard are wild rabbits, nearly every day and usually a couple of them. They ate all the cantaloupes last summer in my garden. They are ubiquitous.

They are also the bane of my dog's existence. They are RODENT VERMIN on HER TURF and ONE DAY SHE WILL CATCH THEM ALL. Without trying to, my dog has become highly sensitized to the word "Bunny" (sorry mechazens!) Ask her, "Where's the bunny?" and she goes into a complete meltdown, sometimes searching for the bunny inside the house.

It was all fun and games until Mr. Ant was fixing some sandwiches. He asked me, "Do you want a peanut butter and honey sandwich?" at which point we learned that workerdog can't differentiate "Bunny" and "Honey." Now we spell out our sandwich plans.
posted by workerant at 9:31 AM on November 3, 2012 [2 favorites]


"we learned that workerdog can't differentiate "Bunny" and "Honey." Now we spell out our sandwich plans."

That's Funny.
posted by HuronBob at 3:12 PM on November 3, 2012 [1 favorite]


Cute dog behavior story:

A couple months ago when I found out my mom has cancer (she should be completely fine now, thankfully), I was kind of an emotional wreck. Sometimes I'd just come home and cry.

My dog, who is usually super bouncy and active, would just sit on my lap and calmly watch me cry, reaching up every now and then to lick away my tears.
posted by phunniemee at 6:56 PM on November 3, 2012 [3 favorites]


I've been training my new border collie puppy using French commands. Apparently people think that a dog who understands French is all sorts of tres continental.
posted by okbye at 10:56 PM on November 3, 2012


I've been training my new border collie puppy using French commands. Apparently people think that a dog who understands French is all sorts of tres continental.

Which is awesome until you're at the park, and your dog attacks my dog, and I can't call your dog off. This happened to me once, a (white) owner who taught her dog to respond to Spanish commands. I'd recommend at least teaching your dog "OFF" and some other "emergency" commands in English just in case.

(Sorry to be a killjoy. Back to the adorable dog stories now.)
posted by olinerd at 2:05 AM on November 4, 2012


My dog used to hide under the bed when we told him it was time for a bath, too. He was typically too smart (or stubborn?) to be lured out by the promise of a walk, unfortunately.

Nowadays, I don't tell him the bath is coming; I just scoop up all 6 kilos of him and plop him into the laundry sink where he proceeds to stand there like he's in an upright coma for the duration of the bath.
posted by Defying Gravity at 5:42 AM on November 4, 2012


I wear a certain pair of shoes, just for dog walking. When she has decided it's time for a walk, rather than wait by the door, she stares intently at my feet, as if she's trying to Jedi-mind-trick my walking shoes onto them.
posted by dogmom at 7:15 AM on November 4, 2012


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