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Grand Theft Auto - cab driver
November 14, 2012 12:07 AM   Subscribe

Cab Driver From Hell
posted by paleyellowwithorange (42 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

 
How many cab drivers drive Volkswagons? No real...
posted by GavinR at 12:17 AM on November 14, 2012


Where was that? One of the passengers mentions 'Montreal cab drivers' being bad, but the quality of this one is so bad I couldn't tell where they were: I assume the driver spoke no english.
VW for a cab? Cut-rate - in my current neck of the woods the majority of taxis are Mercedes Benz.

Does make for invigorating viewing though.
posted by From Bklyn at 12:21 AM on November 14, 2012


Lots of Chinese on the roads and some in the cab. Guessing China or Taiwan.
posted by sbutler at 12:22 AM on November 14, 2012 [1 favorite]


Why?

YOLO?
posted by Samizdata at 12:24 AM on November 14, 2012


I'M NOT A PIZZA! I DO NOT HAVE TO BE DELIVERED IN 30 MINUTES OR LESS! PLEASE SLOW DOWN! I REPEAT, I AM NOT A PIZZA.

Now that we're here, thanks for getting me to where I was going very fast. By the way, do you know where I could get a pizza? Quickly?
posted by twoleftfeet at 12:24 AM on November 14, 2012 [2 favorites]


Nice, adventures of the Quebecois in Asia. Next up they attempt to eat poutine with chop sticks. Hijinx ensue.
posted by mannequito at 12:41 AM on November 14, 2012


"Taxi" is one of the few words that is almost the same in many languages. After that, I'm pretty sure the most commonly expressed phrase is "Jesus, shit, slow the fuck down."
posted by twoleftfeet at 12:44 AM on November 14, 2012 [2 favorites]


Speaking as a cabbie who drives a Volkswagen (Touran), I covet that hood ornament. Also here in small town Finland about a quarter of the cabs are Volkswagens and the same is true of many many other places in Europe.
posted by Authorized User at 12:52 AM on November 14, 2012 [1 favorite]


Looks like China to me, not only the music and the writing on signs, but the fearlessness of the pedestrians.

My best cab ride had not only a clearly suicidal cab driver with no sense of self-preservation whatsoever weaving all over the road at insane speeds, he also blared an Islamic sermon at ear-splitting volume, shouting along with it.

And he pretended he was going to drive us off a cliff.

And he pulled off on the side of the road to buy us romaine lettuce; we ate the stems and tossed the leaves out the window.

And he insisted on discussing both religion and politics, even though I speak no Arabic and he no English.

And, while we agreed that Bush wasn't a very nice man, I felt he went a little too far when he told me he had Saddam Hussein in his heart.

"Self", I told myself, "If we don't die, this will be the best cab ride ever."
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 12:56 AM on November 14, 2012 [25 favorites]


Taxi panic attack
posted by twoleftfeet at 12:59 AM on November 14, 2012


the fearlessness of the pedestrians

Yes! This is what struck me. The pedestrians acted like the car swerving inches past them at high speed on the wrong side of the road was completely normal and nothing to be frightened of. That's why it made me think I was watching a game with high picture quality.
posted by paleyellowwithorange at 12:59 AM on November 14, 2012


Oh and it's obviously China, due to the number of new Mk II VW Jettas seen, still produced in the PRC and especially popular as a taxi.
posted by Authorized User at 1:06 AM on November 14, 2012


It's not so much the driving that makes me nervous, but the inevitable lack of working seatbelts along with it.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 1:08 AM on November 14, 2012


paleyellowwithorange: This is what struck me.

Epony#mi$te}ical cra\\zh bang bop.
posted by twoleftfeet at 1:11 AM on November 14, 2012 [5 favorites]


After many studies, we've determined that rickshaw is very safe going up steep hills. Almost all high-speed rickshaw accidents occur coming down steep hills.
posted by twoleftfeet at 1:20 AM on November 14, 2012 [1 favorite]


That's the Shangri-La Hotel in Changchun, Jilin Province that they pull up to at the end. Up in northeast China, a taxi ride like that isn't totally ordinary, but it's not all that uncommon either.
posted by zhwj at 1:30 AM on November 14, 2012 [7 favorites]


My personal theory is that he's accepted the ride but ascertained within seconds that his passengers are the most irritating people on earth and is driving at crazy speeds just so he can get them to their destination and out of his cab.
posted by MuffinMan at 2:00 AM on November 14, 2012 [7 favorites]


I thought it was a beautiful parable demonstrating the efficiency of the free market when artificial constraints--laws, regulations, sanity--are removed. Did the passengers not arrive much more quickly and at a lower price than they otherwise would have? QED.
posted by maxwelton at 2:01 AM on November 14, 2012 [11 favorites]


That was funny, but the hooting and hollering and general abrasiveness reminded me of every hard-partying short-timer foreigner I've ever met in Asia. Which is good, because she needed her self-absorbed protective bubble to survive the taxi ride.
posted by KokuRyu at 2:20 AM on November 14, 2012 [2 favorites]


The presence of rowdy foreigners with a camera had no effect whatsoever on the cab driver's behavior, I am certain. Especially their countdown to blast off.
posted by Meatbomb at 2:56 AM on November 14, 2012 [3 favorites]


I can spend a *lot* of time in the dashcam part of YouTube.
posted by colie at 3:16 AM on November 14, 2012


The constant shushing of the lady by the men was a little much.
posted by HeroZero at 3:27 AM on November 14, 2012 [1 favorite]


I don't understand. Why wouldn't you want a cab driver to drive as fast as possible? That is what a cab is for.
posted by griphus at 3:59 AM on November 14, 2012


EAST VILLAGE, SATURDAY NIGHT, 2 A.M.
"Where you going?"
(Silently ges inside cab)
"Where are you going?!"
"Brooklyn."
"Oh come on!"
"I'm already in the cab. Brooklyn, let's go."
(Speeds to Brooklyn at about 0.5c)
posted by griphus at 4:02 AM on November 14, 2012 [9 favorites]


0.5c, huh. I wonder if those fare meters are relativistically programmed to measure subjective time or Earth-referenced time.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 4:54 AM on November 14, 2012


Or do they go by distance? I don't ride taxis much.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 4:55 AM on November 14, 2012


Five seconds into the video and I said to myself "has to be China." The social contract that governs driving in most developed countries just doesn't apply in China. Not sure why but every car I was in over a three week period while in China felt just like this. Pedestrians, scooters, bicycles and even mules on the road were like obstacles to be avoided while playing a video game. The lines on the road are mere annoying suggestions.

I remember hiring a driver to take me somewhere in Shenzhen and keeping my eyes closed the majority of the ride because I didn't want to see a pedestrian get killed.
posted by photoslob at 4:55 AM on November 14, 2012


I thought it read Cat Driver From Hell. Needless to say I was confused and disappointed.
posted by evening at 5:29 AM on November 14, 2012


I assume he just wanted to get to his destination asap so he could unload these annoying people.
posted by dobbs at 5:42 AM on November 14, 2012


Or do they go by distance? I don't ride taxis much

I'm not sure either but a good cabbie can get from Harlem to SoHo in less than twelve parsecs.
posted by griphus at 5:47 AM on November 14, 2012 [2 favorites]


Only after being terrified a few times on taxi ride outside Xi'an, did I turn on the video. The next 60 seconds was bad enough, especially toward the end. Wild Taxi Ride In Sechuan. SLYT
posted by swlabr at 5:48 AM on November 14, 2012


Recently cabbed from the Florence, Italy rail station to the EuropCar rental office. Watched the driver win several races to lanes barely wide enough for a scooter -- once actually being bumped by a scooter jockey who stayed with the race just a half second too long. This "Hell" doesn't even come close. Italian cabbies operate in a zone somewhere between Neptune and Uranus and your best option as a passenger is simply to assume the fetal position in the backseat under your suitcase.
posted by Mike D at 6:12 AM on November 14, 2012 [1 favorite]


This is fairly normal driving in the developing world. In guatemala city, i was shocked when A) there was a stop light at an intersection and B) people actually stopped for it. And don't make me relive driving through two lane mountain roads with no guardrails or shoulders. I was in buses(!) where drivers would just honk and then pass around blind corners on the side of a mountain. I just had to stop watching the road after a while. I also saw a cab driver hit a bike rider at an intersection and the guy on the bike got up, apologized to the driver for being in the way and then rode off.
posted by empath at 6:26 AM on November 14, 2012


My favorite part was the audible turn signal as the cab pulls up to the parking garage.
posted by memewit at 7:05 AM on November 14, 2012


I had a cab like this in Jerusalem recently. Only it was night, and the two dudes in front did all the taking and looking at each-other and smoking and whatnot, while light-speeding through the city's side-roads, while we, the customers, were silent...
posted by Namlit at 7:48 AM on November 14, 2012


"Brooklyn."
"Oh come on!"
"I'm already in the cab.


The most recent time such a thing happened to me, I had this big box of food in my hands that I was trying to run to its destination, and my belt had just broken. So my pants were falling down, and I was out of breath, and sweating, and cradling the box with one arm as I was getting in, holding onto the frame of the window. I told the driver my destination, and dude mumbled something about how he won't go there, and he hit the gas.

The cab started pulling away, and I just gripped onto the window out of instinct, going "NO NO NO NO NO" as the windowframe bent under my grip, and I half ran alongside the vehicle, pants slowly inching downward. "NO NO NO NO NO" I kept saying, louder and angrier, like a dog at the vet's.

Probably when I die and go to hell, and Satan is showing me the highlights of the dumbest I've ever looked, we're going to laugh and clink our martini glasses at that one.
posted by Greg Nog at 11:10 AM on November 14, 2012 [2 favorites]


I'M NOT A PIZZA! I DO NOT HAVE TO BE DELIVERED IN 30 MINUTES OR LESS! PLEASE SLOW DOWN! I REPEAT, I AM NOT A PIZZA.


When my parents take the train up to visit me in Chicago, they FREAK the fuck out every time they get in a cab because of the zooming. To be fair, the one time I traveled in the cab with them, we did get quite an adventure (and I was in the front seat!) I'm seriously considering taking this phrase and putting it on sweatshirts for them to wear next time they come to visit.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:21 AM on November 14, 2012


Pedestrians shouldn't play Frogger like that. They should go to an intersection, wait patiently for their walk signal, and then start to cross and get run over by this guy anyway.
posted by gurple at 11:58 AM on November 14, 2012 [1 favorite]


Didn't look that bad honestly, passengers were a bit over the top and annoying. Surely there has to be worse taxi drivers in india, or russia, or some places in south america...
posted by palbo at 1:11 PM on November 14, 2012


Cab drivers are one of those "turtles all the way down" affairs where you can guaranteed find a worse one than the last, ad infinitum.
posted by griphus at 1:17 PM on November 14, 2012


Wow. Okay, I have been in some hairy cab rides (in China as well as the US) and I have to say that was not the worst. He didn't hit anyone! I remember I was taking my sister to the movies one night and decided to take car service (big in Brooklyn) and when I mentioned to Sal (yes, I remembered his name because I thought he was the last man I would ever see in my life) that his headlights were not on, he said it wasn't necessary to have headlights on. He said if your lights were on, people would know you were coming and you don't want that. WHAT?! ARGH!!
posted by Yellow at 10:06 AM on November 15, 2012


Pedestrians shouldn't play Frogger like that.

Perhaps they saw a bug appear across the road and there may have been a snake on the median.

Also, the thing has four wheels, what kind of safety do you want? Time for a lesson in tuk-tuk pinball.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 10:27 AM on November 15, 2012


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