Comments on: All I remember about it was that I was having sex with Pierce Brosnan in a hot tub. Except that he had a vagina.

All I remember about it was that I was having sex with Pierce Brosnan in a hot tub. Except that he had a vagina.

The Whelk — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 09:57:26 -0800

"Emma Stone was my dream best friend for a number of weeks. We'd see movies together. Get drinks and gossip. I remember one dream where we just texted. She resurfaced as my best friend last fall after I saw The Help. An actual friend of mine once told me a story about meeting Andrew Garfield's best friend, which meant Andrew Garfield and I were dream best friends for the following few nights. Again, there was texting." The Awl asks people: What Was Your Weirdest Celebrity Sex Dream?

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:00:39 -0800

Oh look it is all my christmases come at once.

By: hellojed

hellojed — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:02:03 -0800

very surprised that link didn't point to an Askreddit thread.

By: kinnakeet

kinnakeet — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:03:19 -0800

Fascinating. Believe it or not, I've only ever had one, and it stopped short of sex. When I was a teenager, I had an inexplicable crush on W.C. Fields. Not the old, puffy, alcoholic Fields, but rather the young and talented juggler/artist nicknamed "Whitey". One night, I dreamed that Fields showed up to see me, in person. I was overwhelmed and wanted to go right up to him and touch him. But he cautioned me that he smelled very, very bad, and that I needed to stay a good distance away from him. We then had an oddly charming conversation and I woke up feeling most peculiar.

By: DU

DU — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:04:42 -0800

I had a dream once where Richard Feynman, Bill Nye and I were hanging out. But just as bros.

By: showbiz_liz

showbiz_liz — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:05:17 -0800

A couple of nights ago I dreamed I hooked up with Nicholas Cage, and he turned out to be a gigantic masochist, and I kept trying to hurt him as much as he wanted but he just didn't feel ANYTHING no matter how hard I hit him with a paddle and it was very frustrating.

By: Rory Marinich

Rory Marinich — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:06:22 -0800

It happened in junior year of high school, I think, and all I remember about it was that I was having sex with Pierce Brosnan in a hot tub. Except that he had a vagina. This is a pretty cut-and-dry case of my sexual confusion in my high-school years, but it's particularly confusing because I have never cared much for Pierce Brosnan. This is one of those dreams which I've never had anything remotely like yet which somehow feels entirely familiar to me. (Unrelated question: is Emma Stone actually a talented actress? Or is she merely a not-horrible actress who happens to be really cute? I've seen her in a bunch of things, including Easy A, and she never really clicked for me, but maybe she had a stellar breakout role that I simply never heard of.)

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:07:03 -0800

I am pretty sure my dream of riding dressage unicorns with Barack and Michelle counts under this category.

By: Bulgaroktonos

Bulgaroktonos — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:07:46 -0800

I've had only a handful of sex dreams in my life, and the only one that involved a celebrity involved Kendall Jenner who is both a reality TV star and 16. Look on my works ye embarrassed and despair.

By: yoink

yoink — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:07:48 -0800

I dreamed I hooked up with Nicholas Cage, and he turned out to be a gigantic masochist, and I kept trying to hurt him as much as he wanted but he just didn't feel ANYTHING no matter how hard I hit him with a paddle and it was very frustrating. A paddle? It's Nicholas Cage--you gotta go with THE BEES, THE BEES!

By: DU

DU — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:07:56 -0800

I kept trying to hurt him as much as he wanted but he just didn't feel ANYTHING... You didn't try the bees?

By: yoink

yoink — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:09:23 -0800

dressage unicorns At last something that could heal this divided nation. Obama and Michelle provide the unicorns and Mitt and Ann teach them dressage.

By: yellowbinder

yellowbinder — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:10:15 -0800

Shortly after Britney's meltdown I had a dream that I was her gay boyfriend and got her life back on track. We're going to make it BritBrit...

By: The Card Cheat

The Card Cheat — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:11:06 -0800

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:11:16 -0800

Plot twist: the dressage unicorns are carnivores and eat Rush Limbaugh.

By: Thorzdad

Thorzdad — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:11:44 -0800

I rarely, if ever, dream about anyone I know or even recognize, including celebrities or my loved ones. Is that strange?

By: Splunge

Splunge — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:13:30 -0800

Y'all can't handle my weirdest sex dream. Be careful what you ask for.

By: Egg Shen

Egg Shen — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:13:57 -0800

I ran into Sam Waterston outside a Korean deli and was laying on a lot of flattery. He just stood there with a bemused grin, as if he was used to this kind of thing.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:16:15 -0800

remember if you run into Sam Waterston in the dream then you'll run into Sam Waterston in real life.

By: Bonzai

Bonzai — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:17:18 -0800

Rory Marinich: (Unrelated question: is Emma Stone actually a talented actress? Or is she merely a not-horrible actress who happens to be really cute? I've seen her in a bunch of things, including Easy A, and she never really clicked for me, but maybe she had a stellar breakout role that I simply never heard of.)" The first time noticed Emma Stone was in The House Bunny. I thought she stole the movie. I find her to be a very natural comic actor. Opinions on comedy always vary.

By: Z. Aurelius Fraught

Z. Aurelius Fraught — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:18:05 -0800

WE HAVE TO GO DEEPER ...

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:18:15 -0800

By: Bulgaroktonos

Bulgaroktonos — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:18:35 -0800

I rarely, if ever, dream about anyone I know or even recognize, including celebrities or my loved ones. Eh, I think everyone's dreams are strange. My dreams often involve few actual visuals, and any person or space is identified only by intuition and not because they look like the person or place they are supposed to be. Thanks to that 90s music thread, I had a very vivid dream the other night that my wife and I were at the 9:30 Club for an Everclear concert and I had lied to my wife and told her I used to be in Everclear and I was afraid Art Alexakis was going to talk to my wife and I would be revealed to be a fraud. In that dream, I never saw my wife's face and the room we were in was clearly not the 9:30 Club. Art Alexakis looked right, though.

By: cottoncandybeard

cottoncandybeard — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:19:11 -0800

I dreamed I was at a bar, alone, and Keri Russell was there, with friends. I went over to talk to her and I guess thought the classiest thing I could do was make fun of her for being in Honey, I Blew Up the Kid. And it was constant. Every time there was a lull in her and her friends conversation, I would make another snarky comment about Honey, I Blew Up the Kid. At some point, I believe my subconcious was omnisciently hinting at me that I was being a mega-douche, but I just wouldn't stop.

By: Tomorrowful

Tomorrowful — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:21:15 -0800

I guess this technically isn't a sex dream, but...before I lost my virginity I had a dream where Patricia Arquette (who was, like, totally into me) and I were trying to find a private spot to have sex, and every time we were about to get to it we were interrupted by something or someone and had to move on. After this happened a bunch of times she lost interest and left. This is how my sex dreams go. All of them. Every single time. Either we can't find a place, or we're interrupted, or she just entirely loses interest and wanders off. I lost my virginity almost a decade ago, and I still have never actually successfully had sex in a dream. I am a Dream Virgin.

By: Tomorrowful

Tomorrowful — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:22:03 -0800

(...I should probably clarify that it's never been Patricia Arquette. My dreams almost never feature anybody recognizably real. So I guess technically this is orthogonal to the post.)

By: MCMikeNamara

MCMikeNamara — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:22:10 -0800

The Card Cheat and Thorzdad, your openness has allowed me to admit that you just described almost every sex dream I've ever had. It's always about "almost" having sex or being in VERY sexualized situations -- but always with super hot people I don't recognize -- until people I DO know show up and interrupt. Usually, the person who interrupts is either a family member (which makes sense in a weird way) or my partner (who, if I ever tell him about this is 'real life' finds that ridiculous because if I was ever in a VERY sexualized situation with a super hot person and my partner showed up, this would be what we call "a win" but yet it never works out that way.) Basically, I don't have sex dreams as much as I have blue ball dreams. This has always been amusing to me. Or at least it has since I got over feeling guilty about masturbation.

By: darksasami

darksasami — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:23:28 -0800

Oh man. John Cleese. At his current age. In a giant barrel by a crossroads. But I only got the "we have just done this" part, not the actual deed, which in retrospect is a bitter disappointment. Take me back, John.

By: Bulgaroktonos

Bulgaroktonos — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:23:57 -0800

I've always assumed that the unsuccesful sex dreams were a genre of dreams where I am powerless, rather than a genre of sex dreams. They feel exactly like the dreams where I am running from an unstoppable thing or hitting something that's attacking me to no avail.

By: ChuraChura

ChuraChura — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:24:25 -0800

I co-starred in a movie with Lindsay Lohan about rescuing very small killer whales a few nights ago. It was nothing at all like sex.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:24:47 -0800

Wait in a giant barrel?

By: Ideal Impulse

Ideal Impulse — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:25:14 -0800

I've had one celebrity sex dream that I can remember, and it was about Elijah Wood. We did it on a pool table. In my defense, it was during the time a few years ago when there were internet rumors that Wood was going to play Iggy Pop in a biopic, so that makes more sense.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:26:17 -0800

ChuraChura - your dream Lohan makes better career choices then the real one.

By: Thorzdad

Thorzdad — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:27:30 -0800

The Card Cheat and Thorzdad, your openness has allowed me to admit that you just described almost every sex dream I've ever had. Oh...sorry...I guess I should clarify...They aren't sex dreams, either. I don't have sex dreams, really. Just...dreams where nothing much happens.

By: darksasami

darksasami — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:28:48 -0800

It was upended, not the rolly way. And it might have had a door, I'm not sure.

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:29:50 -0800

That sounds suspiciously hobbity.

By: MCMikeNamara

MCMikeNamara — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:30:31 -0800

Thorzdad actually I should have been clear. I meant that I tend to have a combination of both your mentioned oddness (rarely about people you know) and the Card Cheat's (constant interruption of sexy times) For the record, so far I would be happy to have a sex dream about every non-Romney celebrity mentioned in this thread.

By: MangyCarface

MangyCarface — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:31:36 -0800

I've gotten dream-blue-balled so often I have an Ask post drafted about it

By: asnider

asnider — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:36:31 -0800

When I was in junior high I had a dream where I was sitting in a hay loft with Angelina Jolie. We were talking about having sex and there was a sort of implied "we've already had sex," but the dream itself had no sex. It's the only celebrity sex dream that I can actually remember having.

By: dirtdirt

dirtdirt — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:37:14 -0800

This is the part where I evaluate if want to post about my insane and true celebrity sex dream, or if I want to drop $5 and give the 10,000 pity/revulsion favorites to a sockpuppet. Hmm.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:38:24 -0800

IMPORTANT QUESTION: Does The Whelk count as a celebrity y/n

By: asnider

asnider — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:42:09 -0800

IMPORTANT QUESTION: Does The Whelk count as a celebrity y/n y

By: EmpressCallipygos

EmpressCallipygos — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:43:41 -0800

Believe it or not, I've only ever had one, and it stopped short of sex. I've only had one sex dream period. I am very disappointed in my id about this. (On the other hand, it was....sufficiently satisfying that I woke up not only myself, but the guy I was in bed with; he just blinked and asked, "okay, I know I'm not that good, so what the hell was that?")

By: subject_verb_remainder

subject_verb_remainder — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:43:48 -0800

As a straight woman... I have had only one sex dream with a celebrity and it was Sigourney Weaver. It started off as her Ripley persona, but at the end she morphed into her evil stepmother character. I am still not sure how I feel about that.

By: doctor_negative

doctor_negative — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:44:30 -0800

Never had a celebrity sex dream but I did see the Beatles play in my high school gymnasium.

By: pxe2000

pxe2000 — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:45:15 -0800

I had a sex dream involving Fred Willard. There's not really anything I can say to make that statement less awful, is there?

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:51:23 -0800

At an air force base?

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:52:46 -0800

"in public"

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:57:51 -0800

"and i liked it"

By: Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey

Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:05:15 -0800

My first celebrity crush that I remember to this day was Jessica Lange in King Kong ('76) and this monkey FELL HARD. I had the dream sometime after that because I was 7 in '76 and even this monkey's hormones weren't THAT precocious, so was probably a couple of years later. It was a weird dream because it took place in my bedroom which confused the fuck out of me when I woke up. But in the dream, I get up out of bed, walk to my closet, open the gate-fold doors and BAM!... nekkid Jessica Lange in my closet with an inviting smile on her face. BOO-YAA! I remember thinking "I'm supposed to drop to my knees and kiss her between the legs." But when I do, I'm confronted by 3 boot-brushes hanging on the wall like some abstract-art vagina. Stand up, smiling Jessica Lange. Kneel down, boot-brushes. Iterate 2 or 3 times, wake up, walk to the closet... and be not sure if I was disappointed JL wasn't there, or glad that there were no boot-brushes on the wall. I have never forgotten that dream. One day Jessica Lange will be mouldering in her grave and she'll still be beautiful in my eyes. But I think I just learned something about myself and personal grooming preferences that I hadn't quite put together until 15 seconds ago.

By: Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey

Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:06:21 -0800

I had a sex dream involving Fred Willard. There's not really anything I can say to make that statement less awful, is there? How about "... and he didn't even go down." That would be worse.

By: katyggls

katyggls — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:07:22 -0800

I dreamed that Jensen Ackles (plays Dean Winchester on Supernatural) showed up at my house and that I kept trying to get him to watch The Walking Dead with me. He kept refusing and I was getting seriously pissed off about it. And he was getting pissed off that I kept asking. Stalemate. Yeah I know, not a sex dream. That's why it was so weird. This guy was at my house and I spent the whole time trying to get him to watch a TV show instead of having sex with him like a red-blooded American. Wth?

By: Coatlicue

Coatlicue — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:16:09 -0800

Ha, I like the guy who had the Galen Tyrol dream. I don't know if this counts a sex dream, but I did dream once that I was in a cafeteria with Galen Tyrol, and he whipped out his penis. Or rather, it mostly looked like a penis, but was the size, shape, and consistency of an elongated paper lantern. No dangly pieces, though. He poked it against a piece of furniture, and it even collapsed like a paper lantern. Then, the Chief called me "so very, very loose"!

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:17:25 -0800

Ha, I like the guy who had the Galen Tyrol dream. some people just have good taste

By: kimberussell

kimberussell — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:17:34 -0800

Leslie Nielsen. (freezes in place laughing while the Police Squad! theme blares behind her.)

By: pxe2000

pxe2000 — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:18:33 -0800

Oh, there was also the dream in which Thora Birch showed me her vagina dentata. Not in a sexual way, just "hey, look at this thing I have."

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:19:11 -0800

i love everyone in this thread.

By: infinitewindow

infinitewindow — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:27:46 -0800

I dreamed I made whoopee with Bob Eubanks in a weeeeeeeeeird place. Seriously, though, never had sex dreams about celebrities, although I have dreamed I was Brad Pitt.

By: pxe2000

pxe2000 — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:32:58 -0800

Was it...in the butt, infinitewindow?

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:33:03 -0800

I don't have sex dreams about famous people. Is that weird?

By: MCMikeNamara

MCMikeNamara — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:38:22 -0800

Oh, there was also the dream in which Thora Birch showed me her vagina dentata. Not in a sexual way, just "hey, look at this thing I have." American Beauty 2: Every Rose Has Its Thorn

By: the painkiller

the painkiller — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:43:30 -0800

When one of my ex-girlfriends becomes famous, then I'll be able to say I had a sex dream about a celebrity. Unless you count Heather Graham.

By: Ghostride The Whip

Ghostride The Whip — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:43:37 -0800

I actually had a relationship dream where Lady Gaga and I were a couple and we hung out and had a good time and were a great fit but our lifestyles were way too different and just couldn't work it out, so she wrote a very nice song about it by way of breaking up with me and it was always our song and really was the nicest and most thoughtful way I'd ever been broken up with.

By: mediocre

mediocre — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:44:23 -0800

Count me among the somnambulatorily cockblocked. Be it mother, senator, or nun, everything becomes like I am in infinite gravity quicksand soon as the pants are breached.

By: mediocre

mediocre — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:44:53 -0800

Wait.. my attempt to quote Chasing Amy may have had a spectacular backfire. My first mistake may have been attempting to quote Chasing Amy.

By: amarynth

amarynth — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:48:08 -0800

I once had a dream about Phil Hartman, which transitioned into a dream where I was calling him on the phone to tell him about the dream. We were clearly very close, and he thought the dream that I told him about was hilarious. Then I woke up and first I remembered that we weren't actually BFFs, and then that he was dead. I guess it's a good thing that the order wasn't reversed, there. Also, I once had a dream that Gordon Gano was at my house and asked for a drink and I went to the fridge to get him one and the only thing I had was Violent Femmes-promo edition Pepsi, and I was mortified.

By: Glinn

Glinn — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:52:04 -0800

Bill Murray, (Lost in Translation vibe, but Groundhog Dayish in appearance) Richard Dreyfuss (circa The Goodbye Girl) Moderate necking in both cases, but tragically woke up.

By: Bwentman

Bwentman — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:59:12 -0800

One time I had a dream where Avril Lavigne and I sat in the back of a van for hours and...had conversations.

By: Samizdata

Samizdata — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 12:13:46 -0800

I have had a few dreams that would make Tinto Brass turn away, with a cast of ~~thousands~~ a bunch. But, unfortunately, in my dreams there's usually a quick cut and I get afterglow without the sweaty stuff. Famous stars? A fusion of Hackers and Gia Jolie, I think a couple with Alison Brie, and...Well, how much truth do I have to tell?

By: MCMikeNamara

MCMikeNamara — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 12:26:39 -0800

A fusion of Hackers and Gia Jolie Maybe I'm too gay to have an opinion that counts on this on this but I like to think that everybody who has an Angelina Jolie dream is having it with that version. Speaking of embarrassing admissions, I just Googled to see if there was such a thing as Violent Femmes-promo edition Pepsi.

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 12:28:59 -0800

I don't have dreams that involve actual sex, but sometimes find myself in a relationship with Courtney Love. (She's totally sweet and really a smart, loving person behind her brash public persona, in my dream.) We're inevitably on Ellen talking about our love, and sing a song together.* * As my wife will inevitably read this, can someone send me the names of good divorce attorneys in WA? Can't blame her.

By: Dr. Wu

Dr. Wu — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 12:56:06 -0800

I once performed oneiric cunnilingus on Sandra Bullock. She enjoyed it, as I recall.

By: nathancaswell

nathancaswell — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 13:05:45 -0800

This reminds me of a joke my friend's dad told her... Q: What's the worst possible thing you could hear after giving Willie Nelson a blowjob? A: I'm not Willie Nelson.

By: wcfields

wcfields — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 13:12:13 -0800

kinnakeet: "Fascinating. Believe it or not, I've only ever had one, and it stopped short of sex. When I was a teenager, I had an inexplicable crush on W.C. Fields. Not the old, puffy, alcoholic Fields, but rather the young and talented juggler/artist nicknamed "Whitey". One night, I dreamed that Fields showed up to see me, in person. I was overwhelmed and wanted to go right up to him and touch him. But he cautioned me that he smelled very, very bad, and that I needed to stay a good distance away from him. We then had an oddly charming conversation and I woke up feeling most peculiar." It's going to take a lot of e-Bleach to scrub my username of this.

By: peacrow

peacrow — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 13:14:21 -0800

Mark Zuckerberg (played by Jesse Eisenberg in-dream) and I were engaged to be married. We had sex in my office and then he handed me two gallon sized Ziplocs, one full of cocaine and the other full of weed, in lieu of an engagment ring. IIRC, I was pretty pleased with the deal. Much better than the time I dreamt Stanley from "The Office" was begging to perform oral sex on me. :(

By: sweetkid

sweetkid — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 13:28:13 -0800

Much better than the time I dreamt Stanley from "The Office" was begging to perform oral sex on me. :( Strange because isn't he the character who always DOESN'T want to go the extra mile?

By: routergirl

routergirl — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 13:47:58 -0800

I've had weird sex dreams about both Jack Nicholson (after seeing Terms of Endearment as a teen) and Bill Murray. None had any detail, which makes sense, since I was a virgin at the time of both, but both totally weirded me out. Although yeah, I had a crush on Bill Murray when I was very young because he just seemed so FUNNY and nice and real. Then there was also that scene in Stripes, which I saw way too young, where he was chasing a girl with an ice cream scooper, and I was like, "What on earth do men do to women with THOSE?" It was like a super secret sex thing I caught a glimpse of, I thought, and I spent years quietly trying to puzzle it out before eventually realizing he was not going to actually do anything with it, he was just being pervy and silly.

By: cottoncandybeard

cottoncandybeard — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 14:00:23 -0800

Bill Murray, (Lost in Translation vibe, but Groundhog Dayish in appearance) Richard Dreyfuss (circa The Goodbye Girl) Your dreams are like What About Bob? slash-fiction.

By: anoirmarie

anoirmarie — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 14:02:03 -0800

I had a dream just the other night that Ed O'Neill had kidnapped me and was going to torture me to death using splintered wood. What?

By: JoanArkham

JoanArkham — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 14:05:02 -0800

I had a dream shortly after Bill Clinton was elected that we had sex in the back of a limo, but afterward I was all sad and disillusioned because I admired him so much.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 14:07:25 -0800

Since everyone else is doing it: I fell asleep watching The Big Lebowski once and had a strange, liminal state make out session with Dude-d out Jeff Bridges.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 14:12:54 -0800

Pretty sure all Lebowski-related dreams are required to be Busby Berkeley-esque bowling alley scenarios featuring Saddam Hussein.

By: nathancaswell

nathancaswell — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 14:12:59 -0800

I had a dream shortly after Bill Clinton was elected that we had sex in the back of a limo Are you 100% sure this was a dream? They don't call him Slick Willie for nothing.

By: biscotti

biscotti — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 14:13:46 -0800

IMPORTANT QUESTION: Does The Whelk count as a celebrity y/n Y, definitely. My husband and I call The Whelk "our internet boyfriend". Robert Redford is my friend in dreams. Not with benefits, just my friend. Clive Owen. In a warehouse. With benefits. But I was mostly worried about how dusty everything was and couldn't really relax.

By: The Dot

The Dot — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 14:15:45 -0800

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Close your eyes, give me your hand Darling can you feel my heart beating do you understand, do you feel the same? Am i only dreaming, is this burning an eternal flaeeeme? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ aahh, PSHhh.. PShh...pshh WHAT? Oh Shit, i'm so sorry Sue, i really didn't mean to put it out.... Wet dreams can be so embarrassing...

By: Bwithh

Bwithh — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 14:19:18 -0800

I have never had a celebrity sex dream. How does one go about it?

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 14:20:38 -0800

first, get a tumblr account.

By: PhoBWanKenobi

PhoBWanKenobi — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 14:45:07 -0800

I once dreamed I was secretly married to Matt Smith, only he kept lying to the press about it. We had a lot of awesome angry sex over the issue, though.

By: whimsicalnymph

whimsicalnymph — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 14:51:45 -0800

When I was 14, I had a dream that I was at a sleep-away camp in the Appalachians and Tom Cruise and I had sex in a bathtub. A really plain bathtub with a plastic shower curtain. I was noticeably surprised we could fit in the tub together. This dream can only be explained by the fact that Mission Impossible was my go-to make-out movie at the time. I must've watched it...a lot. Let's just say, a lot.

By: googly

googly — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 15:18:01 -0800

Gates McFadden. She was Beverly Crusher, and she was spectacular.

By: not that girl

not that girl — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 15:24:01 -0800

I have definitely had celebrity sex dreams, but I can't remember any off the top of my head. What amuses me more is that I have dreams about real people in my life, but they're played by celebrities. Like, it'll be a dream about my dad, but he's played by Jerry Orbach.

By: The Great Big Mulp

The Great Big Mulp — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 15:43:17 -0800

Both Johns of They Might Be Giants. At once. Assuming they count as celebrities. That's the only one I can recall, probably about 13 or 14 years ago. I don't think I've ever told anyone about it, and it feels strange to do so. On a side note, whenever I've been in a relationship, I've never had a dream about having sex with anyone other than my SO, however I tend to have a number of dreams in which sex is offered and I turn it down because "I'm not going to cheat on my girlfriend." As such, I have had dreams about declining sex with celebrities, but I can't recall whom off the top of my head.

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 16:17:58 -0800

Oh man I just remembered my super embarrassing yet awesome dream wherein Alexander Skarsgard and I both inherited an equal share of a Nordic B&B that was also a dragon preserve and there were many stupid romcom shenanigans and a lot of community judgment for my apparent lack of magical skills and lots of pep talks and consolations from friendly baby dragons and eventually he and I were about to have a lot of freaky magical sex and then I woke up feeling hugely disappointed and betrayed by my psyche and by the universe in general. Also there was a moment of extreme panic when I realized I did not know how to properly prepare preserved whale tongue for the hungry guests at the B&B.

By: Countess Elena

Countess Elena — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 16:19:35 -0800

My crushes (celebrity and otherwise) only show up in my dreams to reject me. Luckily, it doesn't happen often, but that is what inevitably takes place. In one dream, Rik Mayall made fun of me for being attracted to him, and even in the dream state I thought: subconscious, please, am I really being spurned by Rik Mayall? (A note aside: this week, I dreamed that I checked the Metafilter homepage and saw a gruesome, haunting FPP about a personage known as the Porridge Killer of Amsterdam. I was slightly disappointed to find out that that is not a real thing.)

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 16:20:43 -0800

Also there was the dream where Vladimir Putin was super jealous that I had broken up with him to date Iron Man and he tried to win me back by wrestling tigers shirtlessly but let's face it that is not nearly as impressive as the Helicarrier.

By: Bulgaroktonos

Bulgaroktonos — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 16:21:19 -0800

Man, when I was 12, I would have killed for a Beverly Crusher sex dream.

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 16:35:05 -0800

Oh yeah and once I dreamed that me and Tom Hardy were vampire space hookers that were naturally also intergalactic spies. i will not be sharing any further details of this dream.

By: kittensofthenight

kittensofthenight — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 16:44:16 -0800

I had a wonderful dream where I was asked to fill in on drums for The Fall and Mark E Smith ended up sucking away on my ear and neck with his toothless gums and lizard tongue.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 16:44:56 -0800

Go on... Star Trek Tom Hardy, Normal Tom Hardy, or Beefed Up Bane Tom Hardy?

By: The Great Big Mulp

The Great Big Mulp — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 16:46:21 -0800

There was the dream in which everyone thought I was Dick Clark*, but there wasn't any sex involved. * See, I had fallen into a coma in my sleep that night and, lacking a cure for whatever ailed me, was cryogenically frozen only to be thawed and cured 300 years later on the moon. Due to both a records mixup and what they presumed to be the psychological effects of my treatment, nobody would believe me when I told them I wasn't Dick Clark.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 16:52:55 -0800

I think I want to live in elizardbits' REM state.

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 16:59:27 -0800

INCEPTION TOM HARDY OBVSLY hnnng

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 17:01:47 -0800

You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger darling.

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 17:04:53 -0800

dream tom hardy is both a shower and a grower and i am really REALLY not discussing this any further shut up shut up

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 17:06:25 -0800

Both Johns of They Might Be Giants. At once. A 3j.

By: PinkMoose

PinkMoose — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 18:26:48 -0800

i had about a year when i had sex with qeii

By: Cloudberry Sky

Cloudberry Sky — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 18:44:06 -0800

Alice Cooper, when I was a teen. No sex, but he saved me from some sort of peril, and he fell in loooove with me, and it was wonderful and beautiful and Alice Cooper looooooved me. I had never heard his music before, but I after that I couldn't hear a song of his without a little heart flutter.

By: Devils Slide

Devils Slide — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 19:14:37 -0800

I once read somewhere that Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell shared a suite (along with their entourage) when they visited Rio (or it might have been another city), and they called a dealer who delivered a huge bag of blow. Supposedly as soon as they paid him for the coke, they basically pushed him out the door. So a week later I dreamt I was with them during that encounter, and the three of us went into the bathroom and were snorting up huge rails, making out ravenously and groping each other, on the verge of having sex. Then I woke up abruptly. Biggest anticlimax of my life. I tried so hard to go back to sleep and continue the dream, sadly to no avail.

By: Mezentian

Mezentian — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 20:39:52 -0800

i had about a year when i had sex with qeii The Queen Elizabeth II? It takes all types, I suppose.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 20:53:19 -0800

She seems like a pretty nice girl.

By: I love you more when I eat paint chips

I love you more when I eat paint chips — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 21:31:18 -0800

Paddington the bear.... Jumper cables.... Just saying.

By: mygothlaundry

mygothlaundry — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 21:47:32 -0800

I had a sex dream with Bill Clinton back in the 90s (I was kind of shocked. I have never thought of myself as the kind of woman who is attracted to politicians. I'm much more likely to want to throw rotting vegetables at them.) and then in about 2010 I had one starring Barack Obama. They were fairly similar but in the second one we sat on the edge of the bed afterwards and agonized about Michelle. "I can't believe I did this," I said despondently, "I really love her." "So do I," agreed Barack, "we should never speak of this again." Sex dream complete with guilt. Can't beat it. Oh and in my youth I had a very special recurring dream relationship with Mick Jagger but that is sacred and we shall not speak of it. Except to say that I believe that is how I figured out at age 14 that I was in fact heterosexual.

By: eggtooth

eggtooth — Sun, 18 Nov 2012 09:06:08 -0800

I recently had a dream with Angela Joli in bed with me...we were making out, and suddenly I realized it was her...I asked her how she happened to come to be there, and she turned away, saying: "I don't want to talk about it." So, I blew it! And then I woke up.

By: iamleda

iamleda — Fri, 30 Nov 2012 04:13:36 -0800

I was Keanu Reeves' grandmother.