Put That In Your Scorpion Bowl & Suck On It

November 20, 2012 7:48 PM

I f*ckin love girly drinks! / Don't give a f*ck what what you think! / I f*ckin love girly drinks! / I f*ckin wanted that pink!! / I F*CKIN LOVE GIRLY DRINKS! (Generally NSFW-ish, unless you work in a bar)
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey (83 comments total)

All I have to say on this topic is that I once ordered a cosmopolitan in a bar when what I wanted was a manhattan.

I won't make that mistake twice.
posted by hippybear at 7:52 PM on November 20, 2012 [6 favorites]

On my 21st birthday, I went to a bar with one of my best friends (who is also a dude.) It was a special occasion and I was wearing my mother's leather jacket, which she gave to me, and skin-tight punk rock jeans. This was a Russian neighborhood and a Russian bar and needless to say I stood out like a sore thumb. As the night progressed, my drink orders went more and more to the girly-drink side. I started with a lychee infused vodka, then a kamikaze, then a cosmo, and it sort of got blurry at that point. Also, for two dudes, we were/are generally a lot more grope-y at one another than one would generally assume two straight dudes would be (we're European, you see.)

The highlight of the evening was the bar's flower seller awkwardly standing behind us because she clearly had no idea which one of us she was supposed to convince to buy the other a rose.
posted by griphus at 8:00 PM on November 20, 2012 [21 favorites]

Girl Drink Drunk!
posted by piedmont at 8:03 PM on November 20, 2012 [11 favorites]

This thread is going to be nothing but people posting Girl Drink Drunk and being informed that it is in the FPP and that will be hilarious.
posted by griphus at 8:04 PM on November 20, 2012 [16 favorites]

I hear the Kids In The Hall did a skit about being girl drink drunk. I wish someone could dig up a link to it.
posted by hippybear at 8:05 PM on November 20, 2012 [8 favorites]

Yeah, this is what I get for trying to operate too many tabs at once.
I'll show myself the door.
posted by piedmont at 8:09 PM on November 20, 2012

hippybear, I love that sketch. I was just watching it, too! Here's a link for ya: girl drink drunk.
posted by HMSSM at 8:11 PM on November 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

It's always kind of bothered me that that Kids in the Hall sketch doesn't make any mention of the Bellini.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:17 PM on November 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

My wife still makes fun of me for ordering something called a "Fruit Frenzy" at a Thai restaurant ten years ago.

I regret nothing.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:18 PM on November 20, 2012 [5 favorites]

I will admit it, I used to drink nothing but "girl drinks" so much so I used to bring my own Apple Pucker to the bar to make appletinis. Along the way I got lazy but my favorite drinks, mixed to taste:

1 part goldschlager,1 part amaretto shaken over ice.
1 part stoli vanil, 1 part baileys, 1 part Godiva chocolate liqueur shaken over ice.
1 part Apple Pucker, 4 parts stoli limon shaken over ice.
1 part sprite, 1 part Citron, splash of grenadine. This must be served with a cherry in a cordial glass.
My all time favorie, the Red Devil:
1 part vodka,1 part peach schnapps,1 part SoCo,1 part sloe gin,1 part triple sec,1 part orange juice, splash of grenadine, shaken over ice. Ideally you make enough to fill a pint glass, like a Long island.

Extra bonus drink, New Yorker: 2 parts Any whiskey,1 part lemon juice, splash of grenadine.

Never drank many cosmos but I've had plenty of bellinis and kirs.
posted by Ad hominem at 8:19 PM on November 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

Ain't a thing wrong with a fuzzy navel.
posted by cortex at 8:20 PM on November 20, 2012

Oh, my greatest drink invention (19th birthday, IIRC) which I don't have a name for was:

1/4 Southern Comfort
1/4 Bacardi 151
1/4 Vanilla Absolut
1/4 Mountain Dew

It tastes like bubble gum.
posted by griphus at 8:23 PM on November 20, 2012 [5 favorites]

Also the Woo Woo: Peach schnapps, Vodka, Cranberry Juice,
Baby Guiness: layer shot, kahlua poured over baileys.

My worst drink was: Tonic, Gin and Tang. Don't ever try that.
posted by Ad hominem at 8:25 PM on November 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

If tiki drinks are girly drinks,* then I have lived for girly drinks for years.

*and I would argue they are not. Because Tiki Drinks are for everyone!
posted by bswinburn at 8:36 PM on November 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I've recently discovered Or-G which is apparently the ultimate lady drink and according to its twitter profile is the "*Official Spirit Of The Female Entourage* Ultra-Premium French Vodka & Persimmon Mingling with Papaya, Mango & Lime."

Can't get much girlier (and delicious) than that!
posted by HMSSM at 8:38 PM on November 20, 2012

Remember folks -- a martini is gin and vermouth shaken or stirred with ice and strained.

Anything containing vodka or has a flavor that isn't olive brine, that's a girly drink.
posted by hippybear at 8:40 PM on November 20, 2012 [5 favorites]

After my friend and I swore off Southern Comfort (for our own good), we 'discovered' the laziest, most consistent, least embarrasing girly drink ever - vanilla vodka and diet cola. Or vodka and vanilla cola, if you're playing along at home.
posted by muddgirl at 8:45 PM on November 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

HMSSM: "I've recently discovered Or-G which is apparently the ultimate lady drink and according to its twitter profile is the "*Official Spirit Of The Female Entourage* Ultra-Premium French Vodka & Persimmon Mingling with Papaya, Mango & Lime.""

I'm uncertain whether I'd be comfortable with my drink "mingling" of its own accord.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 8:49 PM on November 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

hippybear: "Anything containing vodka or has a flavor that isn't olive brine, that's a girly drink."

How about... vodka? Many manly Russian men might argue that that's the manliest drink of all.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 8:49 PM on November 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

After my friend and I swore off Southern Comfort (for our own good)

Southern Comfort wants you back, and is trying to lure you with this commercial.

How about... vodka?

Vodka is an excellent alcohol. But it's not part of a martini.
posted by hippybear at 8:52 PM on November 20, 2012

I may have mentioned this before here, but the only time I got away with serving, and getting someone to pay for, a cement mixer, was when two guys came into my bar. First ordered a vodka/cran and the second layed into him immediately for ordering a 'girly' drink. I convinced him to get a manlier cement mixer and as he was feeling the effects of it I told him to f off and never make fun of a simple drink like vodka cran. Cran drinker paid and tipped me well.
posted by efalk at 8:57 PM on November 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Prove my girly drink love? Here you go: That's right, I made a drink with basil, an tiny umbrella, a plastic palm tree, and I brought it home with a bird. That's right boyos, a freaking BIRD.

And you can't even see the cherries and pineapple hidden from view.
posted by bswinburn at 9:05 PM on November 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

Mix guava juice with marshmallow-flavored vodka.

It tastes like drinking a s'more. Not even kidding.
posted by a power-tie-wearing she-capitalist at 9:25 PM on November 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

So nice living in a country where cocktails are not considered girly drinks.
posted by Bugbread at 9:29 PM on November 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

After my friend and I swore off Southern Comfort (for our own good)

Go to store. Buy Southern Comfort Egg Nog. Drink it. You can thank me later.
posted by P.o.B. at 9:32 PM on November 20, 2012

Bourbon and Dr Pepper tastes just like grape-flavoured cough syrup!

Wait, am I doing this right?
posted by wreckingball at 9:36 PM on November 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I want a vodka gimlet so bad right now.
posted by Ad hominem at 9:37 PM on November 20, 2012

> cement mixer

I had to look this up. Damn.

I like some girly drinks sometimes. But right now, I am having a ditch.
posted by rtha at 9:45 PM on November 20, 2012

Along the lines of a cement mixer is a brain or alien brain. peach schnapps, baileys and grenadine. Mix the schnapps and grenadine in a shot glass, pour baileys on top.
posted by Ad hominem at 9:55 PM on November 20, 2012

When I want to make friends with a waitress, I ask for the "girliest, most emasculating drink" they can think of. Instant BFF.
posted by bpm140 at 10:00 PM on November 20, 2012

How about... vodka? Many manly Russian men might argue that that's the manliest drink of all.


Clear liquors are for rich women on diets.
posted by mr_roboto at 11:40 PM on November 20, 2012

Guys guys I'm pretty sure girls aren't allowed to drink these so-called girls drinks.

you know cause they're minors
posted by Doleful Creature at 11:41 PM on November 20, 2012 [5 favorites]

This is just to say

I have drunk
the scorpion bowls
at Hong Kong
in Harvard Square

and which
you were probably
saving
for underage girls

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
posted by knile at 12:58 AM on November 21, 2012 [17 favorites]

I don't like Cosmopolitans because they're not as sweet as I like my drinks, and thus not "girly" enough.
posted by kmz at 1:19 AM on November 21, 2012

I was at a polish vodka (the type that actually has a flavour) tasting last night. We followed up with tasting some Irish Poitin (a little bit like overproof white whiskey). It was basically an evening of drinking neat, clear, strongly flavoured spirits.

I think about 2/3rds of the room were women. It was certainly more than half anyway.
posted by DRMacIver at 3:12 AM on November 21, 2012

vanilla vodka and diet cola

Vanilla vodka and diet orange soda. It tastes like a Creamsicle.
posted by Daily Alice at 3:14 AM on November 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

I tend to think of "girly drinks" as "drinks for people who don't actually like the taste of spirits". I admit it's not as catchy, but it's way more accurate.
posted by DRMacIver at 3:17 AM on November 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

I fucking love girly drinks. If it tastes overwhelmingly of alcohol, then I will not drink it!

As a matter of fact, I'm drinking Red Stag with cola and maraschino cherries right now.

Some people drink to socialize, I, however, drink to help me sleep. Somebody told me I was taking too much NyQuil a while back, so I switched to sweet, alcoholic beverages. Was this change for the better? I don't know. Who gives a shit? It tastes better than green liquid black licorice! Incidentally, somebody gave me a straight shot of "Green Fairy", which is apparently absinthe, and it was awful. It burnt. It tasted like NyQuil, but it burned for like, five minutes. Apparently, you're supposed to dilute it or something, but that guy was kind of an asshole, and I guess wanted to see me yell "MOTHERFUCKER" for three minutes straight.

Cake vodka was the most hideous thing I've ever tasted, however.

Vanilla vodka and diet orange soda. It tastes like a Creamsicle.

Wait, what? Holy shit. I love Creamsicles! I assume this can be done with regular orange soda. Pretty soon, I'll have my vanilla vodka and my orange crush.
posted by Redfield at 3:18 AM on November 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

I just discovered Kids In The Hall.
Why did no one tell me?
posted by Mezentian at 4:32 AM on November 21, 2012 [5 favorites]

Skip season 1.
posted by griphus at 5:01 AM on November 21, 2012

I never really got over the childhood phase where alcohol tastes "yucky". Drinks have to be sweet or I don't drink them - I hate dry wine, I have hard cider instead of beer, and yep, I drink girl drinks. But not the trendy cosmos or 'tinis - I prefer daquiris or cranberry and vodka. (And speaking of daquiris - Ernest Hemmingway apparently favored them, so is that really a girl drink?)

My worst drink was: Tonic, Gin and Tang. Don't ever try that.

I've got you beat - Gentleman Jack Black Label combined with blue raspberry soda from the 7-11. The person who invented it called it "smurf piss." Don't.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:59 AM on November 21, 2012

My worst drink: Everclear and flat, store-brand diet root beer. We tried to convince ourselves it tasted "just like root beer schnapps!"

My wife still makes fun of me for ordering something called a "Fruit Frenzy" at a Thai restaurant ten years ago.

I still make fun of Mr. Arkham for ordering a drink (inexplicably) called an "Ashton Kutcher," especially since he's even more clueless about celebrities than I am and had no idea who he was. He thought it was just a name, like "Harvey Wallbanger."
posted by JoanArkham at 6:15 AM on November 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

My own invention: the White Thai - Kahlua, vodka and coconut milk.
posted by 445supermag at 6:19 AM on November 21, 2012

In the immortal words of my friend when I first asked her what she was drinking: "pink drinks".
posted by ersatz at 6:19 AM on November 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Scotch on the rocks.

Ice is for girls.
posted by Cookiebastard at 6:25 AM on November 21, 2012

Scotch on the rocks.
Ice is for girls.

Unless you mean whiskey stones I'm lost and may need a map.
posted by Mezentian at 6:29 AM on November 21, 2012 [6 favorites]

And speaking of daquiris - Ernest Hemmingway apparently favored them, so is that really a girl drink?

Yeah, but Hemingway liked them with no sugar and double the rum.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 6:32 AM on November 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

Didn't Hemingway also like mojitos?

Mojitos

Mo - ji - tos.
posted by Cookiebastard at 6:37 AM on November 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

>Scotch on the rocks.
>Ice is for girls.

Unless you mean whiskey stones I'm lost and may need a map.

Seriously. "On the rocks" means "on ice." Those dumb square rocks are for dumb square people who don't know anything about anything. (If you want your whisky cold and undiluted, try putting the bottle in the fridge.)
posted by Sys Rq at 6:42 AM on November 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Mezentian: I just discovered Kids In The Hall. Why did no one tell me?

griphus: Skip season 1.

Ah, but Brain Candy. Whatever you do, do NOT skip Brain Candy. It takes until about the 3rd time through before it completely sinks in, but that's a deeply textured and completely hilarious movie.

"It was only a couple of flipper babies!"
posted by hippybear at 6:45 AM on November 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

All I have to say on this topic is that I once ordered a cosmopolitan in a bar when what I wanted was a manhattan.


At least you didn't order a Metropolitan (the bartender kidnaps you and makes you marry a giant robot who explodes)
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:47 AM on November 21, 2012 [3 favorites]

"It was only a couple of flipper babies!"

"It's a drug...that gives worms.... to ex-girlfriends!"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:54 AM on November 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

Ever mix cranberry-pomegranate juice with amaretto? It's really tasty.

And my nominee for worst improvised girly drink is sake and Hawaiian Punch. We called it a Pearl Harbor.
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:50 AM on November 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

"It was only a couple of flipper babies!"

"It's a drug...that gives worms.... to ex-girlfriends!"

Cat on my head! Cat on my head! Cat on my head!

(Sorry, but there are far to few opportunities in life for a Brain Candy Derail. Also, "It's made with monkey cum!")
posted by Cookiebastard at 7:50 AM on November 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Scotch on the rocks.

Ice is for girls.

I chill my scotch with the flash frozen severed testicles of those who oppose my rule. Also sometimes there is a little paper umbrella, as I find those quite droll.
posted by elizardbits at 8:19 AM on November 21, 2012 [8 favorites]

no i prefer the frozen testicles to be very fresh and not at all zombified.
posted by elizardbits at 8:26 AM on November 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

This is more juvenile than girly, but I spent my 21st birthday drinking ouzo and root beer, which tastes like root beer candy and paired very well with the copious weed we were smoking. It was also a step up from my 18th birthday when I got hammered on Black Haus and Dr. Pepper and then drunk dialed a girl I had a crush on, leaving what I'm sure was an impassioned message on her parents' answering machine.

I feel hungover just remembering that.
posted by Panjandrum at 8:26 AM on November 21, 2012

I chill my scotch with the flash frozen severed testicles of those who oppose my rule.

Don't they start to, you know, ooze after a bit?
posted by Panjandrum at 8:27 AM on November 21, 2012

they receive strict instructions not to do so
posted by elizardbits at 8:29 AM on November 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

Does Sangria count as a girl drink?
posted by Cookiebastard at 8:37 AM on November 21, 2012

Setting things on fire is not effective zombie management practice. This is like Zombies 101, ffs.
posted by elizardbits at 8:44 AM on November 21, 2012

Also I really like that the Romnobama debate thread is listed as a related link below.
posted by elizardbits at 8:44 AM on November 21, 2012

1/4 Southern Comfort
1/4 Bacardi 151
1/4 Vanilla Absolut
1/4 Mountain Dew

It tastes like bubble gum.
posted by griphus at 11:23 PM on November 20

in the name of Puerto Rico, i am thoroughly offended :P
posted by liza at 8:46 AM on November 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

It was field-tested and approved by a gen-u-ine Puerto Rican!

I HAVE PICTURES
posted by griphus at 8:48 AM on November 21, 2012 [3 favorites]

As the Craft Beer Explosion continues, one starts to get the impression that eventually any drink but super-hoppy dark beer made in someone's garage will be seen as a girly drink.

Except maybe the kind of moonshine that burns out your innards. Hipsters have probably already moved on to making that in their secret invite-only speakeasies.

Oh well. More weissbier and frozen maragaritas for me, then!
posted by emjaybee at 8:54 AM on November 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

i will have to put on my boricop hat on and demand they hand in their card back. that abomination would have Betances rolling on his grave.


with that in mind, a very simple SKINNY PIñA COLADA

Bacardí (we accent our ron, gracias very much) CoCo
pineapple juice
ice
cherry on top
little umbrella (optional)


you are de nada.
posted by liza at 8:57 AM on November 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

If I take one thing away from this thread it is "boricop."
posted by griphus at 8:59 AM on November 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Can I share my story about crazy invented alcohol pairings? No?

Probably best to keep that to myself.
posted by arkham_inmate_0801 at 9:20 AM on November 21, 2012

tell your friend theyve been forwarned. there's a reason we drink out 151 in jewel-encrusted gold chalices, preferably in a church :D






(no, seriously, i have one right next to my stash of Ron Barrilito & Bacardí)
posted by liza at 9:26 AM on November 21, 2012

Vodka, Gatorade and two cherries. Behold the Russian Jockstrap.
posted by Splunge at 11:13 AM on November 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

Redneck Sangria = White boxed wine mixed with Mountain Dew, served in a leftover Big Gulp cup. (This drink led to the demise of my previous laptop.) (For the record, laptops never revive after 32 oz of wine + Mt Dew is poured into the keyboard).
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit at 11:46 AM on November 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Burning Bob:

1 shot Kahlua
1 shot chartreuse
1 martini glass
1 kitchen match, lit
1 straw

Layer the chartreuse carefully on top of the Kahlua, then light it. Drink through the straw before it melts.

Best consumed if you're working tech support.
posted by MartinWisse at 1:25 PM on November 21, 2012

Remember kids: The Burning Bob can be dangerous.

Keep your fringe out of the flame, and for god's sake, be careful with that hairspray.
posted by Mezentian at 2:11 PM on November 21, 2012

Punch of Doom:

Vodka, lots
Peach schnapps, lots
grape juice
Red Hawaiian Punch,

Mix, serve cold, get lots of people girl drink drunk, fast, Most often found at a KoL meet that Suzika is at.

PJ Juice

Similar to PoD, but PoD was made specifically because PJ Juice is dangerous.

Everclear (not so much.
sliced up fruit: oranges, lemons, maraschino cherries, limes.
Grape Juice
Red Hawaiian Punch
Sprite, a bit for the bubbles.

Drink, and you most scream "Purple Jesus, Purple Jesus!" while doing so. Not as girly as PoD as Everclear is grain alcohol.

And, my favorite, stickiest, sweetest, girly drink:

Hawaiian Punch

1 oz vodka
1.5 oz Amaretto
splash of grenadine
fill glass with OJ, shake.

So sticky, so sweet, so friggin' yummy. It was the second "legal" drink I ever had, the first was a Lemon Drop (slam shot of vodka, suck on lemon slice that is covered in sugar.)

I am a girl drink drunk when I drink and I work toward making everyone around me drunk as well. that is the reason there is the PoD and that I have carried on the family tradition of PJ juice (not joking, my Mom's family is how I first had PJ juice.)
posted by SuzySmith at 4:24 PM on November 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Do punches really count as girl drinks, though? I suppose it depends on the ingredients.

And how can I forget the Santa's Little Helper? That's cranberry juice and peppermint schnapps. Better than it sounds.
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:15 PM on November 21, 2012

You know that rapper is still manly because he swears a lot.
posted by asnider at 5:20 PM on November 21, 2012

Oh man, these days I stick to brown drinks - being able to taste the alcohol keeps me out of trouble. I'll still contribute a couple of girl drink recipes, though:

The good:
Vanilla vodka + cranberry juice (maybe a splash of sprite to cut the astringency from the cranberry) Tastes remarkably like cherry cheesecake

The bad:
Spiced rum + grapefruit juice
I now know what evil tastes like, because someone handed me a glass of this.

The ill-advised:
pear vodka + creme de cacao
Not as good as good as you'd expect, unfortunately.
posted by peppermind at 7:03 PM on November 21, 2012

To bring some Thanksgiving Flair to this thread:

Sepia's Autumn Sweater

1 1/2 ounces Ron Zacapa rum
1 ounce Calvados
1 ounce falernum
3/4 ounce fresh lemon juice
Dash Angostura bitters
Lemon wheel - for garnish
posted by bswinburn at 9:58 PM on November 21, 2012

The bad:
Spiced rum + grapefruit juice
I now know what evil tastes like, because someone handed me a glass of this.

Ha! That's actually a favorite of mine. But then again, I'm a pirate trying to prevent scurvy.
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:08 AM on November 22, 2012

I became notorious in some circles for bringing The Blue Drink to a few parties.

Another friend was a big fan of his own creation, "Pink Drink", which may also be a "Caribbean sunrise". The recipe for that was something like:
2-3 shots rum or vodka
half shot grenadine
half shot Rose's lime juice
Combine in a purloined ~12oz cup from the dining hall.
Fill the rest of the way with orange juice.
Consume in moderation.
posted by knile at 6:59 AM on November 23, 2012

The best girly drink I invented in my bartending days was this:

-1 oz sour apple
-1/2 oz blue curacao
-1/2 oz banana liqueur
-shake briefly on ice and strain into a tall glass of ice
-top with bar lemon (less common than bar lime, but tastier) and a splash of 7up

Super deelish, and a lovely shade of green. Looks very festive for the holidays too.
posted by Go Banana at 7:09 AM on November 23, 2012

As a catering bartender who usually has a thorough but basic bar set-up & doesn't always have access to foofy, multicolored ingredients, this is my go-to girly drink.

Something Fruity

-2 oz rum (dark preferred)
-.5 oz triple sec
-.5 oz lime juice
-splash of cranberry
-splash of orange

Shake over ice until frothy, strain into a wine glass.
Garnish with lemon slice, lime wedge, and a cherry (because that + olives is what I got)

I had so many indecisive people at weddings and parties get to the head of a long line and then just fucking stand there saying "Mmm, I dunno. I want something fruity..." So I just came up with a drink by that name so I could begin cranking out a drink.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 9:41 AM on November 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh man, my partner discovered the best goddamn girly drink I have ever tasted a couple of nights ago. The only drawbacks are that it requires some fairly obscure liquors and also one of the bartenders that we ordered it from just told us that it was all wrong and came back with a "fixed" version that wasn't nearly as good (the layering is key). It is goddamn delicious though, I will tell you that much -- sweet but not cloying, floral in character, complex, strong, very easy to drink. It's lovely.

Stormy Morning:

• 1.5 ounces Rathman créme de violette
• 1.5 ounces St. Germain elderflower liqueur
• 1 ounce fresh lime juice
• 4 ounces Champagne
• Garnish lime wedge

In a collins glass, over ice, pour in créme de violette. Layer in St. Germain and lime juice. Top with Champagne. Garnish with lime wedge. Stir gently.
posted by Scientist at 6:13 PM on November 25, 2012