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Holiday Etiquette
November 21, 2012 1:33 PM   Subscribe

The perfect guide to holiday etiquette
posted by MechEng (20 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

 
I must immediately dismiss this as nonsense as they appear to believe that birds have anuses. THE WORLD NEEDS MORE MANDATORY CLOACAL EDUCATION.


My 3 step guide to holiday etiquette:

01 stay home alone
02 eat peanut butter out of jar with spoon
03 watch teevees
posted by elizardbits at 1:36 PM on November 21, 2012 [16 favorites]


ze frank is just the best
posted by lazaruslong at 1:41 PM on November 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh God.

I am Billy. :-(
posted by Wordshore at 1:44 PM on November 21, 2012


There is an exquisite and perverse mentality behind representing the amount of pie left in a pie via non-pie chart.
posted by redsparkler at 1:45 PM on November 21, 2012 [8 favorites]


Brussel Sprouts are awesome, like tiny little cabbages.
posted by octothorpe at 1:49 PM on November 21, 2012


04 neither shave nor bathe
05 various noises from various orifices unchecked
06 a festive array of cheap box wines to wash down the goober butter
posted by jim in austin at 1:53 PM on November 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


07 look over shoulder to see if jim in austin is actually inside my house because wtf how did you know
posted by elizardbits at 1:55 PM on November 21, 2012 [5 favorites]


These are brussels sprouts. No one in your family knows how to cook them, so you're all bad people.
posted by cmoj at 2:16 PM on November 21, 2012


08 liquor
09 liquor
10 beer
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:16 PM on November 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


I once knew a wealthy Belgian who detested Brussels sprouts with a passion. Whenever he was out riding one of his horses he would give wide berth to any field where they grew. He would immediately leave any dinner party where they were served. For him, being a Belgian was rather a pain in the ass...
posted by jim in austin at 2:25 PM on November 21, 2012


HOW TO COOK BRUSSELS SPROUTS:

1) dice pancetta or bacon
2) cut each sprout in half
3) toss ingredients together and sauté or roast to doneness
4) throw out sprouts
5) eat delicious pig
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:29 PM on November 21, 2012 [7 favorites]


I love Brussel Sprouts!

Oil + Salt + Pepper / Baked.
posted by OwlBoy at 3:24 PM on November 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


If Fozzy Bear was an ornithologist, he'd study CLOACA-WACA-WACAs
posted by Renoroc at 3:50 PM on November 21, 2012 [9 favorites]


There is an exquisite and perverse mentality behind representing the amount of pie left in a pie via non-pie chart.

One year, my nephew's class learned about charts just before Thanksgiving. The teacher personalized the learning by taking a poll of all the students ("What's your favorite pie?") and creating a chart representing all varieties of pie named. A BAR CHART. The vexation this roused in my entire family is hard to describe.
posted by Elsa at 5:10 PM on November 21, 2012 [7 favorites]


BILLY IS HOW I FEEL INSIDE. ALL THE TIME.

Seriously, though, every kid in the breakfast club and lunchroom I supervise is Billy. ALL THE TIME.

Also, we love Brussels Sprouts chez good. Browned in butter (and sometimes a little bacon or duck fat) in the cast iron skillet, with some of the loose leaves gone all crispy and dark and salty, they are wonderful. And yes, they are indeed like tiny little cabbages and we are GIANTS EATING THEM.
posted by peagood at 5:15 PM on November 21, 2012


Roasted, high heat, cut in half with cut side down after you've tossed them in olive oil, kosher salt and fresh black pepper. Oh man. Now I want to make the ones sitting in my fridge right now!
posted by bitter-girl.com at 6:00 PM on November 21, 2012


Sautee bacon, remove from pan, throw in halved sprouts, brown, add a little chicken broth, cover and steam for 5 minutes. Add parmesan and crumbled bacon.

Just as good as pornography, Billy. Maybe even better.
posted by Graygorey at 7:15 PM on November 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


I had to watch this with the sound off because my husband is asleep in bed next to me and it was still funny enough that I almost woke him up laughing!
posted by theredpen at 4:02 AM on November 22, 2012


It is possible to substitute pine-nuts for the bacon/duck fats, or to use walnuts or chestnuts. Get the nuts going, getting brown, before the 'sprouts are added.
posted by From Bklyn at 4:34 AM on November 22, 2012


The best thing to do with brussels sprouts is feed them to a small animal that will hold them it its paws while it nibbles. Unfortunately the one bunny of my acquaintance is incapable of doing this, although I can't tell if it is a particularly stupid bunny or if this is an average example of bunny intelligence.
posted by elizardbits at 8:34 AM on November 22, 2012


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