Beer based puns are drunk puns, and drunk puns aren't good ones.

November 29, 2012 8:45 PM

There are cooler ways to keep your beer cold than your average promotional koozie. There's the Beeracuda, a "liquid lunch box", the Shakoolie for all your shower beer needs, Growler Koozies and the Doozy, the 40oz koozie that comes with a pocket for your lighter.

There's also the classic brown paper bag print for your 40oz, to keep things classic.

Other Beeracuda prints include a quiver of arrows, bullets and the "Tubesteak".

posted by Grandysaur (59 comments total)

Putting a cozy on your growler kind of implies that one is drinking straight from the growler, which is.... awesome on the one hand, but really I prefer my tried-and-true lazy method of leaving it on the back porch (in winter at least). Plus I always have an excuse to pour one more glass - "Need some fresh air".
posted by mannequito at 8:50 PM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Hey, I have one of those Beeracuda thingies. It was free with a carton of Camel cigarettes back in, like, 1989 or something. Nice for fishing trips that require a hike to the lake.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 8:53 PM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

I don't understand the whole drinking in the shower thing. How long are people in there? How much of that is spent just standing around? Is this for Bukowski style alcoholics who can't go ten minutes without a drink?
posted by cmoj at 8:59 PM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Or use a DIY Pirate Chest Cooler
posted by growabrain at 9:03 PM on November 29, 2012 [13 favorites]

The Tubesteak model has a "hot dog motive", which is a lot funnier than any of these puns.
posted by Fnarf at 9:08 PM on November 29, 2012

I don't understand the whole drinking in the shower thing. How long are people in there? How much of that is spent just standing around? Is this for Bukowski style alcoholics who can't go ten minutes without a drink?

It's a refreshing sensation to enjoy a nice cold beer with the heat of the shower. You generally want to chug because taking time to savor wastes water.
posted by Drinky Die at 9:20 PM on November 29, 2012 [3 favorites]

How about a Jet Engine?
posted by Confess, Fletch at 9:37 PM on November 29, 2012 [3 favorites]

I don't understand the whole drinking in the shower thing. How long are people in there? How much of that is spent just standing around? Is this for Bukowski style alcoholics who can't go ten minutes without a drink?

The only time I have done this is in university, after winning the national cross country championships. I was leg-shaking exhausted and covered in dried caked mud and that beer was the best beer ever. I still remember it. Victory beer in the shower. I did not feel the need to put it down.
posted by jimmythefish at 9:52 PM on November 29, 2012 [10 favorites]

It's a refreshing sensation to enjoy a nice cold beer with the heat of the shower. You generally want to chug because taking time to savor wastes water.

Yeah. To my mind it's basically for those times where you realize that, yes, you could exercise restraint and decide which of the good options for a mental reset after some strenuous activity you're going to take right now, but goddammit, you are an adult and restraint is overrated.

All that said, yeah, an in-shower koozie just seems kind of pointless. Just (wo)man up and shotgun the beer already if you're afraid it's going to get warm.

What about a shower-hardened vape? Ain't nobody wants their herbs getting all soggy...
posted by brennen at 9:53 PM on November 29, 2012 [4 favorites]

I had a roommate at the crazy techno warehouse in SF that would drink beer in the shower. And smoke. I found the whole concept weird and unsavory, but I'm generally very serious about my showers since I've been known to go for days without. When I do finally throw my stank-ass in there it's all business. (I never understood wankin' or sexin' with someone in there, either.)

When I was like 19-20 and drinking 40s of cheap malt with my 36 yo roommate I would have loved the 40 cooler, especially with the vato-print bandana. There's nothing quite as skunky as the last warm 1/4th of a 40 on the porch on a hot summer day in LA.
posted by loquacious at 9:58 PM on November 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

For those who like sake (guh), a time honored tradition is to get into the bath and let your (still sealed) little single serving glass of sake just sort of bob along next to you, slowly warming up. By the time you're ready to get out, you've got a nice warm glass of sake.

Personally (and to my great shame), I'm not crazy about the stuff, which makes the whole 'living in Japan thing' kind of a waste, in some ways. Then again, most onsen have beer vending machines, and a little tatami mat room where you can wait for your group to get dressed. Sitting on tatami, fresh from nice soak, drinking an ice cold beer is definitely some small form of heaven.
posted by Ghidorah at 10:51 PM on November 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

I work in a wine store, and we carry these wine coozie things called woozies. The ones we have are all lacy and pink and in their packaging they look vaguely underpants-esque. We call them "Wanties" (rhymes with "panties).
posted by The Potate at 10:56 PM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

you think that beer in the shower is good try champagne in the tub.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 11:08 PM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

I've never been a fan of the shower beer, though I am a fan of the bath beer. Long hot soak with something good!

Just don't do this after a cold, deep SCUBA dive. I was two beers in when I realized my mistake.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 11:29 PM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Wait... people actually USE coozies? I thought they were just kind of something that congealed to the back of the Drawer of Random Shit in the kitchen.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:50 PM on November 29, 2012 [5 favorites]

I don't understand the whole drinking in the shower thing.



Some things are awesome because they just are. I know some people who don't "get" the wonder of the shower beer, and that's cool, but they are the best beers.


As for the duration of the shower - if you are drinking a beer in the shower, it is not a business shower, but a pleasure shower. It's about luxuriating.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:57 PM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Yeah these are practically an institution at bbq's in Australia. We call them stubby holders. Made so the beer can be ice cold but you can hold it, and also insulating it a bit.

Whilst googling for them I found some very cringeworthy sites.
posted by Admira at 12:32 AM on November 30, 2012 [2 favorites]

people actually USE coozies?

Oh, hell yes. In Japan during the summer, an un-coozied beer will reach a state of profound undrinkability within five minutes of being opened. Seriously. Before I started bringing them back in bulk, I just gave up on beer during the summer months. Now? Now I mock the sun and its evil partner in crime, soul-crushing humidity.
posted by Ghidorah at 1:08 AM on November 30, 2012

In cairns, in tropical Queensland, at least one pub I went to served all beers in a little stubbie cooler (not the neoprene wetsuit like ones, but grungy hard polystyrene foam, like a fruit box type)
posted by bystander at 1:48 AM on November 30, 2012

North Queensland is the Florida of Australia
posted by bystander at 1:49 AM on November 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

I was wondering was a koozie is.
Stubby holder is just a much better name. They are brill. And they multiply. You can never have too few.

I am so glad to find we make 'Fuck Off We're Full' Southern Cross ones. I'm sure those damn illegal boat people will quake in fear and get the message.... er...
posted by Mezentian at 2:33 AM on November 30, 2012

There is some mind of natural law of the universe that at least 50% of your stubby holders must be promotional ones for bobcat, backhoe or general excavation companies.
posted by Trivia Newton John at 3:14 AM on November 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

I only call them coozies because I never had a name for them when I was young. My first real encounter with them was in Bali (sadly, the part that's like Tijuana or Ibiza for young, drunk, beligerent Australians on a cheap trip), where pretty much every beer in any tourist place is serve in a stubby holder.

Absolute godsend.
posted by Ghidorah at 3:29 AM on November 30, 2012

Putting a cozy on your growler kind of implies that one is drinking straight from the growler

Or you've taken it someplace without adequate refrigeration and only need to pour one or two at a time. Like on a train.
posted by uncleozzy at 3:33 AM on November 30, 2012 [2 favorites]

Apparently it's no longer for sale, but I really like the Joe Biden koozie.
posted by inigo2 at 4:23 AM on November 30, 2012 [2 favorites]

Am I the only one that cringes every time the word "koozie" is uttered?
posted by sutt at 5:03 AM on November 30, 2012 [2 favorites]

According to this answer, shower beers are popular with AskMe users.
posted by TedW at 5:05 AM on November 30, 2012

Am I the only one that cringes every time the word "koozie" is uttered?

I can stand that more than I can stand the word "growler". *shudder*
posted by inturnaround at 5:12 AM on November 30, 2012

I'm fond of the odd shower beer. Mostly in the summer, when I'm sweaty and the bathroom is hot and I'm taking a lukewarm shower anyway, but also in winter when I come home from the gym and want a scorching-hot shower and a cold beer.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:13 AM on November 30, 2012

As I have no class at all, I put my beer cans in a boobzie.
posted by peeedro at 5:17 AM on November 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

I have no need for a shower koozie, but there is nothing finer than a few fingers of rum or whisky or even brandy in a brandy snifter in the bath. It will float just fine, and warming your spirits, er, warms your spirits like no other. Just be careful to keep the brim away from the soap bubbles. If there are no soap bubbles, you're doing it wrong.
posted by Fnarf at 5:23 AM on November 30, 2012

Holy crap, why did I not get one of those Biden koozies while I could? The Obama long-form birth certificate coffee mug is also hilarious.

Also, just as with baths, showers with a cool, refreshing beverage are best enjoyed with certain kinds of company.
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:34 AM on November 30, 2012

Why not just drink faster?
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 5:35 AM on November 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

Am I the only one that cringes every time the word "koozie" is uttered?

I would have said this myself, but I was loathe to even type the word. I'm not even crazy about copy/pasting it.

I am adding "shower beer" to my list of "things I've never heard of but kind of like the sound of". Floating bathtub snifter, probably not. Intellectually I like the idea of lounging around reading and drinking in a bathtub, but I suspect any relaxing effects of the bath would be undone by stress over keeping my book dry and my drink bathwater-free.
posted by usonian at 5:35 AM on November 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

Stubby holder is just a much better name.

Am I the only one that cringes every time the word "koozie" is uttered?

"Stubby holder" and "koozie" both sound like rather horrible regional vulgarities, although I admit "stubby holder" would make a good user name.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:56 AM on November 30, 2012

For more details on how to shower beer, check out /r/showerbeer.
posted by dobi at 6:13 AM on November 30, 2012

Why not just drink faster?

Whenever I see my father pouring out the "assy" end-swallows of a beer I remind him that if he'd just pour that much out right when he first opens it then it won't be in the bottom to get assy.
posted by laconic skeuomorph at 6:16 AM on November 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

I don't even drink beer, but I bought the Biden koozie and it is just as awesome as you might expect.
posted by Rock Steady at 6:30 AM on November 30, 2012

My awesome girlfriend got me the Joe Biden supporter pack: koozie, Cup of Joe coffee mug, and a button.
posted by ghharr at 6:44 AM on November 30, 2012

I get around the need for koozies by drinking my beer before it gets too warm.
posted by emjaybee at 6:52 AM on November 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

check out /r/showerbeer.

Why am I not surprised.
posted by RolandOfEld at 7:10 AM on November 30, 2012

Am I the only one that cringes every time the word "koozie" is uttered?

Nope - it sounds disturbingly similar to a Danish slang term for 'growler'...
posted by Dysk at 7:10 AM on November 30, 2012

if you are drinking a beer in the shower, it is not a business shower, but a pleasure shower.

It can be both. I'm predisposed to taking long showers, so almost every shower I take is both business and pleasure. Consequently, both love shower beers and am late for work frequently.
posted by cirrostratus at 8:04 AM on November 30, 2012

There's a roughed-in shower in the basement of my house, a few steps from the beer fridge. I purposely leave a can in there for display, and it's since been dubbed, the Beer Shower.

you think that beer in the shower is good try champagne in the tub.

You should try a joint and a glass of red wine in the tub if you really want to luxuriate.
posted by slogger at 8:11 AM on November 30, 2012

I that the shower koozie, while well intentioned with it space age velcro wall mount, really defeats the purpose of the noble shower beer. The primary pleasure of this activity is derived from the high contrast between the steamy shower and not just drinking the cold beer but also feeling the cold container.

I also posit that there are two primary domains in the taxonomy of shower beers.

1. The pre-game shower beer. You are about to engage in a social activity where a small to moderate amount of rowdiness would be ideal, you would also like to look your best during said activity. What better way to get ready than to crack open a beer and drink it during your getting ready rituals. The minor absurdity inherent in the shower beer will get your evening started with a tinge of a pleasant and playful mania. Ideal beers for this purpose include high alcohol content craft beers, that one beer you really like but is hard to find, or a beer you have never tried before.
2. The relaxation shower beer. So you've had a long day. I hear you. That feel. Maybe work was abnormally grueling and you want to chill out, or ideally you just finished a long session labor or physical recreation. The muscles are tired but the mind is satisfied with a job well done. There is no better way to relax and wash away the day's concerns or sweat than to bask in your ability to maintain different fluids at their ideal temperatures. Ideal beers for this purpose include beers that are both vaguely luxurious but highly drinkable, or cheap watery beer in an icy aluminum can.

Other prominent shower thinkers have proposed a three kingdom (pregame, relaxation, alcoholic) taxonomy, however I feel that such a system does not treat the shower beer as a pleasure to indulge in on rare occasions that it really should be.
posted by cirrostratus at 8:38 AM on November 30, 2012 [5 favorites]

"koozie" is the worst word in the world.
posted by sparklemotion at 8:55 AM on November 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

Love this thread and love shower beers...ah the simple pleasures. The taxonomy above is spot on cirrostratus!
posted by Capricorn13 at 8:57 AM on November 30, 2012

The shower beer is as good as the word "koozie" is bad.

The word "koozie" is a very, very bad word indeed.
posted by gauche at 9:10 AM on November 30, 2012

Am I the only one that cringes every time the word "koozie" is uttered?

How do you feel about "kozy" or "cosy", which is what they are called in my neck of the woods?
posted by madajb at 9:10 AM on November 30, 2012

I have lived a life of decadence, self-indulgence, and shameless hedonism. Or so I thought before this thread. It has literally never even occurred to me to drink a beer in the shower.

YAY FOR ACHIEVABLE GOALS
posted by BitterOldPunk at 10:01 AM on November 30, 2012 [4 favorites]

"How do you feel about 'kozy' or 'cosy', which is what they are called in my neck of the woods?"

Entirely reasonable, as the beer is, indeed, 'cozy' in its little holder.

It is never, ever, 'koosie'.
posted by sutt at 10:08 AM on November 30, 2012

It has literally never even occurred to me to drink a beer in the shower.

Get ready to have your mind blown: some people even smoke in the shower!

"How do you feel about 'kozy' or 'cosy', which is what they are called in my neck of the woods?"

I have lived in both the "koozie" and "cosy" belts of America. I can tell you that cosy is much more acceptable to my ear.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 12:06 PM on November 30, 2012

Whenever I see my father pouring out the "assy" end-swallows of a beer I remind him that if he'd just pour that much out right when he first opens it then it won't be in the bottom to get assy.

I keep re-reading this and almost replying - figuratively, my mouth opens and I look like a goggling fish for a moment, then some other semantic circuit kicks in and my mouth claps shut, only to have that first circuit to come around again I start to protest…

I'm using this example next time I give a mini Logic & Semantics standup lecture to my developers and systems engineers. It's beautiful. Because it will make them crazy.
posted by sidereal at 12:35 PM on November 30, 2012

It has literally never even occurred to me to drink a beer in the shower.

Get ready to have your mind blown: some people even smoke in the shower!

Then there was that bachelorhood thread in the summer that opened my eyes to the idea of hanging a bag of wine in the shower.

Definitely taking it to the next level.
posted by mannequito at 1:01 PM on November 30, 2012

I maintain that no matter how much of an affront to your sensibilities it may be, the word coozie is nowhere near as bad as the word Guelph.
posted by Ghidorah at 1:05 PM on November 30, 2012

moist
posted by Rock Steady at 1:27 PM on November 30, 2012

Then there was that bachelorhood thread in the summer that opened my eyes to the idea of hanging a bag of wine in the shower.

Please to link. For, uh, research.
posted by inigo2 at 4:20 PM on November 30, 2012

Foul Bachelor Goons, probably my favorite (so far) Mefi thread of 2012.
posted by mannequito at 4:41 PM on November 30, 2012

Outdoor shower beer = normal shower beer + a billion
posted by argonauta at 6:35 PM on November 30, 2012