The Secular Idiot’s Guide to Syria’s Jihadist Groups

December 10, 2012 2:35 PM

The Secular Idiot’s Guide to Syria’s Jihadist Groups They span the entire political spectrum, from extreme militant Salafist to Nihilist Al-Qaeda franchise. But to the untrained eye it’s difficult to tell them apart or know what each stands for. So we prepared this brief but handy guide to help you differentiate between The Lions of Damascus Brigades and The Damascus Lions Brigade. As a general rule, the more hard consonants there are in a group’s name, the more hardcore they are. Groups with 3 vowels or more are often dismissed as ‘liberals’.
posted by the mad poster! (6 comments total)

I read it, and yet I don't feel like I'm any further out front of it.
posted by jimmythefish at 2:41 PM on December 10, 2012

I read it, and yet I don't feel like I'm any further out front of it.

Jimmy al-Samak Front Brigades.
posted by Noms_Tiem at 2:47 PM on December 10, 2012

But how do I know which one to join? Is it just a case of going where all my friends go? What if I want to join a Jihadist group further away from my parents? What if I'm really into music or want to party down after doing my Jihad thing? My Koran studies GPA was only 2.8 - can I still get into top Jihadist groups?
posted by GuyZero at 2:50 PM on December 10, 2012

Or I could just make more room in my "violent fundamentalist nutbar" bin and chuck them all in there, unsorted, with the rest of the people I don't care enough to differentiate between.
posted by Aquaman at 2:53 PM on December 10, 2012

Groups with 3 vowels or more are often dismissed as ‘liberals’.
So, it's on the same as knee-jerk American politics?

This article is, well, interesting in that I am suddenly aware of more splinter groups, so say, but it doesn't really tell me why they are splinter groups, how large/influential they are in any meaningful way.

News this morning says rebels has control of about half of Aleppo and took control of a large military base just outside the city, which I assume is the FSA, but I have no idea. The local media seems more interested with boobs on various celebs, so I have to got to the BBC, and even then Ikea Monkey got higher billing.

I'd also like to petition the The Free Men of Syria Brigade to change their name to The Wee Free Men.
posted by Mezentian at 2:55 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

This is a pretty meaningless list that doesn't seem to have much research put into it.
I guess it appeals to its target audience though.

It fails to distinguish between the groups in any meaningful way.
Even worse, it doesn't give a good sense of what proportion of people fighting Assad in Syria these groups comprise. Especially considering that pretty much anyone can make a fighting group, even 10 of your buddies.


[edit] apparently this is supposed to be satire. I think.
posted by mulligan at 3:00 PM on December 10, 2012