Comments on: Every newspaper headline published in "The Simpsons"

Every newspaper headline published in "The Simpsons"

winecork — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 12:58:20 -0800

This is a compilation of every headline (with screenshots) seen on "The Simpsons". These Simpsons headlines come primarily with the Springfield Shopper, Springfield's only major newspaper. The compilation includes such memorable headlines as "SQUIRREL RESEMBLING ABRAHAM LINCOLN FOUND", "AWFUL SCHOOL IS AWFUL RICH", and "PARADE TO DISTRACT JOYLESS CITIZENRY"

By: The Card Cheat

The Card Cheat — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:03:41 -0800

It appears to be missing IDIOT RUINS GAME: SPRINGFIELD FORFEITS PENNANT.

By: hwyengr

hwyengr — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:06:43 -0800

This just in: The Lincoln squirrel has been assassinated.

By: griphus

griphus — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:12:09 -0800

SPINNING NEWSPAPER INJURES PRINTER hee hee hee

By: King Bee

King Bee — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:13:56 -0800

This just in: The Lincoln squirrel has been assassinated. We'll stay with this story all night if we have to.

By: Pruitt-Igoe

Pruitt-Igoe — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:14:40 -0800

"In Rod We Trust"

By: box

box — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:15:06 -0800

Sixth comment less important, studies show.

By: yellowbinder

yellowbinder — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:15:26 -0800

My favourite of all time: Quimby's Proposition 24 on Ballot / Quimby Propositions 24 At Ballet

By: King Bee

King Bee — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:21:20 -0800

My favorite is the one where Scratchy gets his heart pulled out by Itchy somehow, and is totally fine with it, until he picks up the paper to see the headline "YOU NEED A HEART TO LIVE."

By: oneswellfoop

oneswellfoop — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:23:33 -0800

This just in: SIMPSONS STILL ON THE AIR, STILL BETTER THAN FAMILY GUY

By: brain_drain

brain_drain — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:26:57 -0800

BUT MILES BEHIND ARCHER

By: zzazazz

zzazazz — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:27:43 -0800

Great find. I have always loved those headlines, when done right they were the punchline beyond the punchline and could really make me laugh.

By: roger ackroyd

roger ackroyd — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:41:56 -0800

Previously

By: blucevalo

blucevalo — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:44:11 -0800

This just in: SIMPSONS STILL ON THE AIR, STILL BETTER THAN FAMILY GUY Clearly an Onion headline.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 14:18:21 -0800

This just in: SIMPSONS STILL ON THE AIR, STILL BETTER THAN FAMILY GUY Say what you will about Family Guy, but at least it tries to be funny. The last time I watched a post-millennium episode of The Simpsons, I found myself literally counting the minutes between anything that could even be construed as attempted humour. I stopped when I hit several, and haven't tuned in since.

By: interrupt

interrupt — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 14:18:28 -0800

Related: Saw this book at the NY Art Book Fair, and loved it.

By: IvoShandor

IvoShandor — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 14:28:31 -0800

I've never liked Family Guy, it's crass and, to me, unfunny. The Simpsons at its height though. Great stuff. Smart. Funny. Scathing social commentary. It was everything comedy should be. I won't watch it these days and it's been probably 10 years since I have been a regular viewer. LOVING The Simpsons nostalgia on the blue today! Great post.

By: gompa

gompa — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 14:47:59 -0800

Best deadpan parody of a midsize city's newspaper is this one: BURNS PLANS SUNSHINE HALT SPECIAL SECTION: Your Guide To Perpetual Darkness

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 14:48:08 -0800

Say what you will about Family Guy, but at least it tries to be funny. It strains with all its might!

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 14:51:34 -0800

My all-time favorite: "DEADBEAT DAD BEAT DEAD."

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 14:51:49 -0800

How long do you think the bums would have extended their deadline?

By: dry white toast

dry white toast — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 15:20:16 -0800

Pickpockets call up reserves...

By: Atom Eyes

Atom Eyes — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 15:21:16 -0800

The AV Club has been doing reviews of classic episodes of The Simpsons, and one of the commenters, who goes by the name of Reposted snpp.com Comments, has a running gag where he will cut-and-paste extremely negative viewer reviews for each particular episode that were posted to alt.tv.simpsons at the time of the original airing. These are Golden Era Simpsons shows from seasons 3-8, universally acknowledged as some of the best TV ever made, and still there were plenty of people who couldn't wait to get online and shit all over them. Some examples: Re: "Homer's Barbershop Quartet": "What the hell was that last night? Snooze city.. Talk about a pathetic opening to the new season - I surely hope they straighten out their acts or they'll end up as a cancelled show VERY soon! I think I laughed once, at a part where people weren't SUPPOSE to laugh.. Clean up your act boys.. or you'll lose a lot of fans.. (I'm curious to hear what the ratings level was at for that show)." —Chrys Pelegris, Oct 2 1993 4:26 am From: "Homer Goes to College": "Don't get me wrong. I really liked Cape Feare, and the B#'s was kind of good in a wierd way, but the college episode was the worst Simpsons episode I've ever seen. I've loved every other episode, I'm not at all critical when I watch but what happened? Are there new writers? I'm embarrased. I've gotten so many people into this show, and now I look stupid." —Chris Corcoran, Oct 14 1993 8:02 pm From: "Cape Feare": "I'm a licensed philosopher, and I can assure you that Mr. Ross is right: The rake scene was, in fact, not the least bit funny." —Charles Don Hall, Licensed Philosopher, Oct 13 1993 9:07 am From: "The Front": "'The Adventures of Ned Flanders' confirms that the writers are running out of ideas. Lame filler if I ever saw it. This shouldn't be confused with the first Itchy & Scratchy short "Dazed and Contused", which needed to be lame for the plot." —Phil Mueller, April 16, 1993, 3:52 pm From: "Last Exit to Springfield": "Does anyone else feel that perhaps the Simpsons are finally running low on gas? The story lines are getting more and more disjointed and surreal. In addition, the "Last Exit to Springfield had a LOT of dead air sequences that went on too long, as if they ran out of jokes and were trying to fill space between commercials, ie: *"Dental plan...Lisa needs braces". Way too long. *Classical Gas *Gandpa's rambling story *Homer's weird dance around Burns' office. One dragged-out sequence in an episode could be forgiven, but four in one night?" —Andrew Ross, March 22, 1993, 4:35 pm From: "Marge vs. the Monorail": "Overall, a good episode (miles better than "Homer's Triple Bypass), but not a great one--I think they went overboard on the refs, especially at the beginning." —Rick "I call the big one Bitey" Haan, Jan 16 1993, 12:31 am

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 15:35:07 -0800

Nobody hates the Simpsons as much as the SNPP hates the Simpons.

By: obscure simpsons reference

obscure simpsons reference — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 16:05:32 -0800

This thread is relevant to my interests. Extra Extra! Todd Smells

By: obscure simpsons reference

obscure simpsons reference — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 16:21:57 -0800

Another omission: LOCAL MAN RUINS EVERYTHING

By: King Bee

King Bee — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 16:44:44 -0800

Extra Extra! Todd Smells Is your source on this reliable?

By: y2karl

y2karl — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 16:47:42 -0800

I HOPE I DIDN'T BRAIN MY DAMAGE.

By: porn in the woods

porn in the woods — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 18:02:28 -0800

Extra Extra! Todd Smells Aw, I already knew that.

By: mattoxic

mattoxic — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 18:31:04 -0800

I do miss some of these old Simpson episodes, and I can see them again tonight on Channel 10, and again next week!

By: 445supermag

445supermag — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 20:08:09 -0800

*"Dental plan...Lisa needs braces". Way too long. *Classical Gas *Gandpa's rambling story *Homer's weird dance around Burns' office. One dragged-out sequence in an episode could be forgiven, but four in one night?" —Andrew Ross, March 22, 1993, 4:35 pm If only Mr. Ross knew what the future held in the way of animated series that dragged out jokes.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 20:37:33 -0800

If only Mr. Ross knew what the future held in the way of animated series that dragged out jokes. I'm sure I do not know what you are talking about.

By: stevil

stevil — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 13:36:09 -0800

Oy, that rake.