Comments on: The secret sex of cheese

The secret sex of cheese

Chrysostom — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:11:20 -0800

The hard-core kinky action inside your slice of Camembert.

By: sweetkid

sweetkid — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:15:33 -0800

oh ewwww. Ew. Oh the idea of this is so gross.

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:16:45 -0800

Cheesemaking is truly one of the Dark Arts.

By: cheap paper

cheap paper — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:17:45 -0800

While this is really interesting in a food production sciences way, there is nothing one can say that will turn me away from stinky cheeses. No Thing.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:18:03 -0800

Yum.

By: Egg Shen

Egg Shen — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:18:51 -0800

Cheese sex. That is happening.

By: gauche

gauche — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:19:47 -0800

Yeah, this doesn't gross me out one bit. I will take all of the stinky cheese you don't want, people who don't want delicious stinky cheese.

By: theodolite

theodolite — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:20:23 -0800

Mold sex is all well and good but I prefer my cheese alive and squirming.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:21:11 -0800

Also that hamburger you're eating? The cow's parents had sex. SEX IS GROSS

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:21:32 -0800

This information could come in quite handy the next time you wish to ensure that you get all the cheese. Try to throw in something like "But the sex is what makes it tasty!"

By: griphus

griphus — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:22:21 -0800

Wow, beat me to the punch theodolite. Is there a (purposefully) moldy cheese that is aged long enough to have negligible amounts of lactose?

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:22:52 -0800

I will take all of the stinky cheese you don't want, people who don't want delicious stinky cheese. I WILL FIGHT YOU FOR THE CHEESE

By: marienbad

marienbad — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:25:03 -0800

"Also that hamburger you're eating? The cow's parents had sex." posted by shakespeherian Yeah, but not in the hamburger. Only the French could make a sexy cheese.

By: Tell Me No Lies

Tell Me No Lies — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:28:18 -0800

Eating something that's having sex sounds delightfully twisted and erotic. Eating Bleu Cheese continues to sound disgusting.

By: griphus

griphus — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:29:04 -0800

Remember: when you're eating that hamburger, you're eating every hamburger that came from every cow that cow's parents had sex with.

By: gauche

gauche — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:29:12 -0800

Is there a (purposefully) moldy cheese that is aged long enough to have negligible amounts of lactose? I don't know of any (with my former cheesemonger hat on) and am doubtful for the following reasons: aging the cheese until the lactose has converted into lactase changes the environment in which the mold is to grow. Specifically, it makes it less wet and more acidic. The blue mold seems to like wetness, in particular. As well, contact time is an important consideration: as the mold gets to the end of its life cycle it starts to add some off flavors to the cheese. When I sold cheese in London, the corners of the big wheels of Montgomery's cheddar would sometimes have a streak or two of blue-green mold in them, and those corners were typically over-ammoniated in an unpleasant way.

By: Egg Shen

Egg Shen — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:32:13 -0800

cheesemonger What is the verb form of that? "To cheesemong"?

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:32:20 -0800

slutty cows

By: Jehan

Jehan — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:33:39 -0800

It's a huge industry; as pointed out by the authors of this study, France alone produces 56,865 tons of blue cheese every year.

"Blue cheese." Must ask for that next time.

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:34:26 -0800

note to self: never eat hamburgers at shakes' house or griphus' house.

By: sexyrobot

sexyrobot — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:34:40 -0800

at first i thought that said "Cuisinart" and I was like 'damn, that IS kinky'

By: George_Spiggott

George_Spiggott — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:37:45 -0800

Not sure I understand the wording of this post. Camembert isn't remotely in the category of cheeses being discussed: it's not a bleu cheese and is not inoculated with mold.

By: gauche

gauche — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:40:19 -0800

What is the verb form of that? "To cheesemong"? Among co-workers, I'd say things like "time to mong that cheese". But based on this I think the verb would be "to monger." I monger; you monger; he/she/it mongers &c. And that the noun contains the subject of the verb, such that you don't "cheesemonger" but you "monger some/the cheese". I would also accept "sling".

By: uncleozzy

uncleozzy — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:41:05 -0800

I don't eat Roquefort; mold fuck in it.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:41:11 -0800

Also, who slices Camembert? Doesn't everyone spread it or is that just me?

By: zamboni

zamboni — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:43:13 -0800

What is the verb form of that? "To cheesemong"? It's already a verb. monger, mongering, mongered.

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:43:26 -0800

Not sure I understand the wording of this post. Camembert isn't remotely in the category of cheeses being discussed: it's not a bleu cheese and is not inoculated with mold. Well now you have blown it. Now everyone is going to eat up all the Camembert.

By: Chrysostom

Chrysostom — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:46:09 -0800

George_Spiggott: "Not sure I understand the wording of this post. Camembert isn't remotely in the category of cheeses being discussed: it's not a bleu cheese and is not inoculated with mold." "The surface of each cheese is then sprayed with an aqueous suspension of the mould Penicillium camemberti and the cheeses are left to ripen for at least three weeks." saith Wikipedia.

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:46:16 -0800

You need an individual with mating type 1 to meet up with another individual of mating type 2 in order to induce sex. And guess what? In some of the cheeses they investigated, molds of both mating types were present. In the same cheese. Aw, I was hoping for a fromage à trois. I bet that mold is just doing it missionary.

By: solotoro

solotoro — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:46:32 -0800

There used to be a restaurant here that did fried camembert. ohmygodsogood

By: Mayor West

Mayor West — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:49:51 -0800

Step 1: cut a hole in the cheese.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:59:04 -0800

Another way to look at this is that, from the mold's perspective, my mouth is the killer in a teen slasher movie.

By: yoink

yoink — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:59:10 -0800

From TFA: "So, bottom line, I don't know if there is sex going on in the cheese you eat." We may be ejaculating over this finding prematurely.

By: orme

orme — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 10:01:56 -0800

Pokefort Gorgonzhola Cumembert Sinburger

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 10:10:28 -0800

Nice try, cheese, but you don't compare to tiny spiders that live on my face and have sex and eat me!

By: argonauta

argonauta — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 10:11:17 -0800

Cheap, fast, Amurican-style, sex-on-a-cracker hors d'oeuvre: Buy a thingie of Pillsbury Crescent Roll dough. Pop it open satisfyingly, unroll dough onto a piece of waxed paper, and smoosh closed the perforations. Place mini-wheel of Camembert in center and wrap it up like a present in the dough. Bake until browned outside and glooshy inside. Serve with fig jam if you're all fancy-like. Bask in praise.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 10:14:28 -0800

Hmm. We make our sex-on-a-cracker hors d'oeuvres differently, argonauta.

By: EmpressCallipygos

EmpressCallipygos — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 10:37:35 -0800

at first i thought that said "Cuisinart" and I was like 'damn, that IS kinky' posted by sexyrobot ....Eponysterical!

By: iamkimiam

iamkimiam — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 10:37:51 -0800

These are two of my favorite things!

By: empatterson

empatterson — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 10:46:53 -0800

Finally a better answer to "why don't you like the cheese?" than a shrug.

By: Decani

Decani — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 10:53:42 -0800

Yeah, this doesn't gross me out one bit. I will take all of the stinky cheese you don't want, people who don't want delicious stinky cheese. posted by gauche at 5:19 PM on December 13 Not if I get to it first, you won't. All the finest foods taste of corruption and sin. All of them.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 10:56:03 -0800

Even pizza?

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 10:58:59 -0800

Look who hasn't had sex surrounded by pizza, is my question.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 11:02:06 -0800

Pizzic sex > Tantric sex 'cause pizza.

By: The Sprout Queen

The Sprout Queen — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 11:12:12 -0800

I lovelovelove fermentation. If I had my way I'd only consume fermented foods. Beer, cheese (more stinky, please), bread, tempeh. Bring it on!

By: East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94

East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 11:25:54 -0800

Ctrl-F'd cum, not disappointed

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 11:33:42 -0800

Monger is an interesting word. It means : A dealer in a specific commodity, normally used in combination. [Middle English mongere, from Old English mangere, from Latin mang, dealer in slaves, probably of Greek origin.] Specifically meaning they did not produce or capture the object themselves, it designates a middleman. I think that's neat.

By: ninjew

ninjew — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 11:42:34 -0800

Are you grossed out by blue cheese? FUCK(ing) BLUE CHEESE

By: gauche

gauche — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 11:49:17 -0800

Specifically meaning they did not produce or capture the object themselves, it designates a middleman. I think that's neat. Or that they are not going to fight in the war themselves.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 12:16:57 -0800

exactly! It's a fun word!

By: Decani

Decani — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 12:20:47 -0800

Even pizza? posted by Mister_A at 6:56 PM on December 13 With the toppings I like on my pizza, hell yes.

By: griphus

griphus — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 13:07:47 -0800

I once had caviar on a fancy pizza. It was pretty good.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 13:15:41 -0800

Commie.

By: subject_verb_remainder

subject_verb_remainder — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 13:16:54 -0800

I will tolerate no slut-shaming around my blue cheese. Related: How to host your own blue cheese orgy.

By: elgilito

elgilito — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 13:50:42 -0800

The surface of each cheese is then sprayed with an aqueous suspension of the mould Penicillium camemberti and the cheeses are left to ripen for at least three weeks This is actually beautiful to see. The mould grows on the cheese until it covers it like a soft, thick coat of white fur. Young camemberts look like this. After a while the mould shrivels, turning into the yummy rind we all love. I'm sure camembert moulds don't have filthy sex though, they're too virginal and pure for that.

By: the man of twists and turns

the man of twists and turns — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 13:54:14 -0800

Cheesemaking dates back nearly 7,000 years

By: deborah

deborah — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 17:28:07 -0800

I can't wait to tell the next person I see eating blue cheese, etc. that the fungus is having sex right then and there. /my laugh is an evil laugh

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 17:47:33 -0800

I put the fungus sex in my mouth and I lick it.

By: lumpenprole

lumpenprole — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 23:11:40 -0800

It's already a verb. monger, mongering, mongered. Yes. My wife the cheesemonger participated in a cheesemonger competition in New York this year. People were mongering up a storm. Also, sex cheese is the best cheese!

By: maryr

maryr — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 01:13:40 -0800

FFS, this is attempt 4 at typing this. Any , shortest possible version: Lactose = sugar in milk made of glucose and galactose Lactase = enzyme that processes lactose to simpler sugars Sweet dairy gods, please let this post this time.

By: Decani

Decani — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 01:39:41 -0800

I can't wait to tell the next person I see eating blue cheese, etc. that the fungus is having sex right then and there. /my laugh is an evil laugh posted by deborah at 1:28 AM on December 14 To which I would leeringly reply, "That must be why it tastes like an orgy in my mouth. MMMMM."

By: asok

asok — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 05:45:59 -0800

I have been eating a very nice Roquefort this week. It's slippery, soft and pretty much sex already, without the knowledge that the mold might be sexing. Somebody left the pumpkin slices in the oven for 3 hours, rather than take them out after 40 minutes, so they were almost caramelised and very sweet and dense. Combined with a caramelised red onion and some leek and cavolo nero they made a pretty nice pasta accompaniment. The cooked penne were combined with a very generous amount of Roquefort (which I had attempted to chop up), copious black pepper and a bit of olive oil and stirred around for 30 seconds until covered in the liquified cheese, at which point the rest of the ingredients were added. Served up and NOM NOM NOM.