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The horror... the horror...
December 23, 2012 5:16 PM   Subscribe

December 21st came and went and somehow humanity's still here, but have you ever wondered how many apocalypses you've survived so far? The Goddamn Apocalypse can help.
posted by secretdark (35 comments total) 14 users marked this as a favorite

 
67. I'm now concerned about the Aporkalypse.
posted by arcticseal at 5:28 PM on December 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


That's a lot of goddamn apocalypses. No wonder I'm so tired.
posted by scratch at 5:30 PM on December 23, 2012 [5 favorites]


64. The coffee shortage warnings are what I'm concerned about.
posted by jimmythefish at 5:30 PM on December 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


I've survived a few too...but have some fun with the site and make yourself 1000 years old, and see what else you have missed.
posted by salishsea at 5:33 PM on December 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


I must have missed X-Day on this list. Still, quite a few others and it will return in 8661.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 5:34 PM on December 23, 2012 [5 favorites]


The real question here is "how many fucking websites with gratuitous use of goddamn swear words have I survived?"

I'll wait quietly in the fucking corner for my goddamn answer.
posted by item at 5:38 PM on December 23, 2012 [12 favorites]


75... Not counting this year's annual dysfunctional family christmas meltdown scheduled for the day after tomorrow....
posted by HuronBob at 5:45 PM on December 23, 2012 [3 favorites]


Enter your fucking birthday: 01/01/1970

That ain't a fucking date!
Boo, no respect for Unix time
posted by Foci for Analysis at 5:55 PM on December 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


I like how I have apparently survived not one but four Harold Camping apocalypse predictions.
posted by capricorn at 5:58 PM on December 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


Well the the c. 5 billion statement is a little off. "The end of our Sun's current phase of development, after which it will swell into a red giant, either swallowing the Earth or at least completely scorching it. It is widely accepted by the scientific community that the earth will be destroyed around this time." is wrong; current thinking is that the Earth will actually "slip" outwards, its orbit expanding as the sun's gravitational hold on the planet weakens. The sun will expand but the Earth won't actually wind up in the corona, keeping just ahead of it. "the Earth may become too hot for life in only a billion years' time." is right, though.

If you're looking for apocalypse ideas, there's always Exit Mundi.
posted by curious nu at 5:59 PM on December 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


Apparently my ex survives, I doubt her cost ever would.
posted by Mblue at 6:00 PM on December 23, 2012


This is interesting. My grandmother was convinced that the world was going to end in 1968 (which, if you're going to pick a year in which the world seemed like it would end, 1968 was a clear winner), but there's no actual prediction listed for 1968. Conclusions: this web site is incomplete, or my grandmother was a bit of a nutter. Possibly both are true.
posted by That's Numberwang! at 6:06 PM on December 23, 2012


Apocalypse?
We've all been there.
The same old trips
Why should we care?
posted by williampratt at 6:17 PM on December 23, 2012 [9 favorites]


74, dagnabbit. Please, saucers, come, and take me away.
posted by SPrintF at 6:18 PM on December 23, 2012


YOU'VE SURVIVED 75 FUCKING APOCALYPSES...
posted by jim in austin at 6:21 PM on December 23, 2012


There may not have been an apocalypse this season but honey, if you keep eating that shortbread there will be an apocahips, buns and thighs.
posted by jimmythefish at 6:35 PM on December 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


Hm. The neighborhood of 75 appears to be well-populated in these here parts.
posted by Peach at 6:37 PM on December 23, 2012


Let me point out that there are a lot of really old people posting in this thread.... All of whom are, evidently, lucky to be alive.
posted by HuronBob at 6:38 PM on December 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


Hunh. I was born during one. Much is thereby explained.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:39 PM on December 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


All of them. I've survived all of them. All that I've experienced I've survived. Go figure.
posted by mightshould at 6:46 PM on December 23, 2012


You're missing the point, people. The real story here is my outrage over the fact that I have unwillingly contributed tax penny-fractions toward an energy policy and infrastructure programs that have made it possible for websites like this to exist, even though only ignorant savages believe in apocalypses.
posted by perspicio at 6:48 PM on December 23, 2012


Wow, I remember Nostradameus and Y2K (your mainstream endtimes), but I did not know so many other people got in on the it all ends in 2000 bandwagon.

Also, when I predict the end, I think I'll use the Fibonacci sequence to space out the years of the recalculated predictions. It's elegant and buys me progressively more time as people take me less seriously, giving me and my stalwart followers more time to build up hype for the next one.
posted by mccarty.tim at 6:48 PM on December 23, 2012


I survived 49 appoclypses and all I got was this lousy ennui and existential dread.
posted by mccarty.tim at 6:49 PM on December 23, 2012 [7 favorites]


I feel like there should be some organization that offers the following deal to prophets who predict the end of the world - sign a contract, and we'll give you some amount of money right now. But if the world doesn't end the day you predicted, you'll give us every cent you and your organization own, and agree to shut up thereafter.

I bet 95% of them wouldn't take the deal.
posted by Mitrovarr at 6:54 PM on December 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


I like how I have apparently survived not one but four Harold Camping apocalypse predictions.

I've survived SIX of his. I will never understand how people kept on believing him. Then again, I'll never understand how anyone believes any of these assholes, so there's that.
posted by tzikeh at 6:56 PM on December 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


What's freaky is that I've heard that people in doomsday cults/specific rapture day groups/etc, who believe the world will end suddenly for divine reasons at a set time, tend to be MORE devout immediately after their prophecy fails and the shock wears off. As, of course, if you devote your life and resources to making sure you're saved and that your loved ones and society are saved, it's hard to acknowledge that sunk cost. You have to admit you were wrong and seriously rewrite your worldview. Therefore, it's easier just to go along with what Leader says the new endtime is.

Hence, six Harold Camping duds.

I think he's more famous than the others because aside from prolificness, he also happened to be blessed with estimates that fell on slow news months that let local news outlets and then national news run fluff pieces on the wacky folks spending tens of thousands of dollars to buy billboards and radio stations.

In short, I think a lot of people making these predictions (and doing more with them aside from selling books) probably are true believers and would take up the bet. Assuming they don't pull the "God wouldn't like it if I were to test him" card.
posted by mccarty.tim at 7:01 PM on December 23, 2012


I've heard that people in doomsday cults/specific rapture day groups/etc, who believe the world will end suddenly for divine reasons at a set time, tend to be MORE devout immediately after their prophecy fails and the shock wears off.

Yah, that's When Prophecy Fails.
posted by tzikeh at 7:05 PM on December 23, 2012


Man. 66 doesn't feel like that many.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 7:16 PM on December 23, 2012


I have survived 64 apocalypae, and yet, tough old boot that I am, I remain constitutionally incapable of reading the phrase "large hadron collider" and not at least smirking.



because it sounds like large hardon collider. Not because I'm not totally down w/ science, I'm all the way down w/ science, love the stuff.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:08 PM on December 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


I just saw the Hobbit and I feel more accomplished about having survived that.
posted by nathancaswell at 8:29 PM on December 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


It's really simple. The world ends on the day I die. At least as far as I am concerned. And that is all that does, or will, matter to me.
posted by scottymac at 11:12 PM on December 23, 2012


I remember the 1993 Apocalypse.
We sat on the lawn and had beer and cake.

It looks like May 19 is my next excuse to have beer and cake on the lawn.
posted by Mezentian at 11:12 PM on December 23, 2012


I guess this is a good of a thread as any to link to Grumpy Nyan Cat Destroys the World.
posted by radwolf76 at 1:26 AM on December 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


I don't know about the rest of you, but I went to an Apocalypse electronic dance festival on the 21st, and I'm reasonably sure that I didn't survive.
posted by 1adam12 at 2:01 AM on December 24, 2012


I noticed the years that were missing. Everyone else must've been carefree as hell in 1986, for example. I know I was.
posted by hypersloth at 3:48 AM on December 25, 2012


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