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December 28, 2012 7:52 AM   Subscribe

Everything Wrong With The Dark Knight Rises In 3 Minutes Or Less. [spoilers]

The creators, CinemaSins, have also taken a look at Everything Wrong with The Avengers and The Amazing Spider Man.
posted by quin (27 comments total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: This seems to be lead-ballooning it a bit. -- cortex



 
Well, right off the bat it's over 3 minutes long.....
posted by nevercalm at 8:04 AM on December 28, 2012


Man, this is the first I've heard of the shawarma scene in the avengers.

I actually liked the scene where Alfred telegraphs the end of the movie. I like when writers tell us how to read their work, so to speak.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:10 AM on December 28, 2012


"Bitch" is not a synonym for "woman." I'm not watching this. Sorry.
posted by regicide is good for you at 8:12 AM on December 28, 2012 [5 favorites]


The dude counts Bane's voice as several different "sins", but that was honestly my favorite part of the movie.
posted by Greg Nog at 8:14 AM on December 28, 2012 [3 favorites]


I stopped watching at "Who's this fucking bitch" when it was talking about Selina's cohort. 'Bitch' wasn't needed and if you can't figure out that Selina and the women were thieves in amentor/apprentice relationship, then there's no point in listening to whatever else has to be said.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:15 AM on December 28, 2012 [4 favorites]


"There's no gravity in space." Really? You might want to check that. Also, why are women always "bitches"? And men who can't fight well "pussies"?

Ah, heck, as I'm illustrating, it's easy to snark. It's hard to make fun movies. I think I'll go watch a fun movie!
posted by alasdair at 8:16 AM on December 28, 2012


I watched the Avengers one recently. My impression was that about half of what they listed were cool and they were stretching to be funny.

Also, I saw the Schwarma scene. That was the best part of the whole movie, and I keep meaning to try it but haven't. There's even a cart that sells Schwarma on my walk to class, I really need to try it.
posted by DoubleLune at 8:17 AM on December 28, 2012


Eh, this is a mix of legitimate complaints, nitpicks, outright nonsense (the front of Wayne's bed kind of looking like breasts is a "sin"?), and a demonstration of the extremely poor grasp of the creators' understanding of basic story concepts (yes Alfred described how the movie will end near the beginning; it's called foreshadowing; that woman with Selina was Selina's friend, how can you miss that?). I'm sure there's more but I just stopped watching because this isn't very good.

This is a pretty shitty video and honestly a pretty weak FPP.
posted by Sangermaine at 8:17 AM on December 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


It seems like a lot of the problems and plot holes that people point out are due to the fact that they assume that what they are shown on screen is happening in the time it's shown and in the sequence it's shown in.

Dr. Pavel doesn't turn the thing into a bomb in 2 minutes flat. We see him start working, then it cuts to some stuff with the cops, when we come back, some indeterminable amount of time has passed and he's done. Maybe he was working for 36 straight hours, we don't know and we don't care because it isn't important to the story.

Just because we're shown Bruce Wayne getting out of the prison is shown the day before the bomb goes off back in Gotham but that doesn't mean that is when it happens. Do we really want to waste time establishing the date that he escaped? Maybe it took him a whole month to make his way back to Gotham, it doesn't really matter.

From the time Bain has the core disconnected from the reactor to when it blows up is five months, we just want to see the important bits and the things that we're shown in two different parts of the world aren't necessarily happening in the order that they're shown to us in.
posted by VTX at 8:24 AM on December 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Avengers was okay and stuff, but I think I would have preferred a feature-length shawarma scene because I am old and have grown weary of CGI explosions.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:25 AM on December 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


After seeing the Avengers one, and now this, I've realized that CinemaSins is where cranky, cynical movie critics / fanboys go to die.
posted by Atreides at 8:25 AM on December 28, 2012 [1 favorite]


I would have preferred a feature-length shawarma scene

Is it bad that I would pay money to see this? It could be like The Specials, only over lunch.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:27 AM on December 28, 2012


SO, YOUR VIDEO MOCKS BANE VOICE, DO YOU THINK THAT GIVES YOU POWER OVER IT?
posted by Artw at 8:28 AM on December 28, 2012 [6 favorites]


Count me as one who could not watch this... the 'Honest Trailers' are much funnier/insightful
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 8:29 AM on December 28, 2012 [2 favorites]


I really really wanted to like this because I hate DKR and all Bale Batman stuff but this was pretty unfunny sadly.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:29 AM on December 28, 2012


> Is it bad that I would pay money to see this?

They could even stretch it out into a film franchise! My Dinner With Thor, My Dinner With Iron Man, etc... (although My Dinner With The Incredible Hulk might be a bit of a stretch), until finally (SUMMER 2017) there's a big Fourth of July (or whatever) barbeque with the whole crew.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:32 AM on December 28, 2012


Seriously, Bane Voice is awesome.

I really really wanted to like this because I hate DKR and all Bale Batman stuff

Give it up, nerds!
posted by Artw at 8:33 AM on December 28, 2012


All-in-all, Alfred in this movie was a bad joke. Unearned bathos from the get go. The funeral scene was especially shite. A handy cut and paste for the screenplay:

[cut here]

ALFRED: (blubbering) {$dialogue}

[cut here]

And in his next memoir, Michael can tell us what swimming pool this movie paid for.
posted by Trochanter at 8:33 AM on December 28, 2012 [2 favorites]


Give it up, nerds!

NEVAR!
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:35 AM on December 28, 2012


Yep, Honest Trailers is great.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:37 AM on December 28, 2012


I really really wanted to like this because I hate DKR and all Bale Batman stuff

Can I ask why?
posted by Sangermaine at 8:40 AM on December 28, 2012


Because not liking things and then rolling around in it is a spectator sport these days.
posted by Artw at 8:42 AM on December 28, 2012 [5 favorites]


It didn't help that Alfred's only contribution to the plot (other than the bookending foreshadowing/ending) was to just sort of magically know about Bane, with no indication how he knows this and Batman doesn't.

I probably wouldn't have even cared, but it's handled so clumsily. Oh, Bane's from a prison in "an ancient part of the world?" What the fuck does that even mean?
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 8:46 AM on December 28, 2012


*smokes for forty years*

"Because I'm the goddamn Batman and my movies are very serious and dark and art (because dark == art) unlike all that other crappy genre stuff which I am clearly better than and don't you dare insult me by calling my movies 'comic book movies' and have I mentioned how dark and edgy and grimdark I am?"
posted by kmz at 8:46 AM on December 28, 2012 [3 favorites]


At least the misogyny is consistent across videos (Avengers & no lap dance complaint).

The Avengers is continuing to confound my annoyance that movies feel like they need to spell everything out for us. DKR was annoying with the spoon-feeding in the ending, but since everyone seems to have missed the indications that Loki's scheme worked out exactly how he wanted maybe we DO need to be spoon-fed.
posted by phearlez at 8:49 AM on December 28, 2012


From the time Bain has the core disconnected from the reactor to when it blows up is five months, we just want to see the important bits and the things that we're shown in two different parts of the world aren't necessarily happening in the order that they're shown to us in.

While I do agree that there's often no need for the movie to show us the boring stuff that comes between the big action scenes that are the point of the movie, it's a pretty common criticism of Nolan that his movies do a terrible job of anchoring themselves in any sort of real time or geography. Once you start paying attention to this stuff, it becomes pretty apparent that not only is he throwing stuff together and manipulating it to make a slapdash sort of visual/temporal sense, he's almost incapable of making anything that is actually grounded in the physical laws of the known universe.

I don't think it's a coincidence that his two most successful movies, The Dark Knight and Inception, are planned around the idea of Big Reveals that change everything you thought you knew about what was going on. The Dark Knight Rises, though, is trying to be gritty and semi-realistic, and part of why it fails is that the whole thing feels vaguely unreal because Nolan either can't or can't be bothered to do little things like establish what the connection between the Batman in Prison Timeline and the Gotham Under Siege Timeline actually is.
posted by Copronymus at 8:51 AM on December 28, 2012


Bane's crazy but caring uncle voice was the best thing about the film. Who is this yutz?
posted by Burhanistan at 8:56 AM on December 28, 2012


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